Listling Without Commentary: Selected Email Subject Lines Sent From Riese to Laneia Between 2009 and 2011

1. we should ask this girl to write an article for us like effin’ dykes, phantom planet just came on my genius playlist. SO NOT AN ACTUAL GENIUS. what if we all lived in the same city.

2. do we have anyone writing anything to get published tomorrow?

3. um can someone team pick something (or write a df?) when they wake up ’cause i just realized we don’t have anything on deck

4. if [article] was a vagina, it would be impenetrably dry

5. somebody needs to write about this

6. do we know any lesbian teachers?

7. people yelled at us on this post

8. lesbian sex

9. cherub

10. ok i know this looks like one of those 2am emails

11. who wants it/who could we give it to

12. do we have anyone who could write about this

13. a really deep thought

14. i found this in my drafts folder when looking for something else

15. fucking fantastic

16. i am dyrunk so if there is no tdaily fix in the morning then try to keep everybd’y’s spirits high i will wake up by 11 or isjh

17. when we move to berkeley and can live a more edgy rockstar yet nurturing/organic lifestyle

18. i hate excerpts

19. PUNCTUATION. IS THAT SO HARD FOR [redacted]? TO CAPITAZLIZE WORDS? THIS IS FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE, I HAVE TO LEAVE FOR THE DOCTOR IN FIVE MINUTES. PERIODS. @SOURCES. CAPITALIZING LETTERS

20. will you comment on my article so people will think i’m cool?

21. i mean the dixie chicks’ makes me cry too

22. btw the sister spit thing is priority over pants

23. fwd: tess’ voicemails

24. beginning to fix a serious problem you have in your life right now regarding ani difranco

25. WE ARE GOING TO BE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE

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lnj

lnj has written 310 articles for us.

47 Comments

  1. Hilarious. As you all say, “THIS”. Oh shoot it’s 12:19am Saturday morning. See how awesome Autostraddle behind the scenes is? Rock on!
    I’m so self conscious now of being the only autostraddler (does that word only apply to AS staff? Can I use it too? It’s cool) online now or are your posts queued?

  2. I love everything about this. Esp. number 16! I really really love the relationship that you guys have with each other. I read formspring questions on your tumblr and the friendship/hilarity cracks my shit up!

  3. I feel like I’m the redacted from 19 even though that can’t be the case because I’m not an AS writer. I don’t like it when mommy yells.

      • Despite living in Texas, I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard even one of their songs. My dad banned them from our house after they talked crap about Prez Bush, supposedly.

        • Well that alone is reason enough to buy some of their songs using the Amazon link through the Autostraddle site !

          (omg, that was so good! — did anybody else see how I just did that?)

  4. “CAPITALIZING LETTERS” may actually be the story of my online life. It’s not my fault Kanye West is the only person who capslocks more than I do, I’m just too awesome for lowercase.

  5. I’m surprised there’s no “Commenters are habitually hijacking threads to plan barbeques, must intervene, somehow”

    but maybe you two like BBQ as much as we do.

    • can it be a korean bbq? i lived in seoul for a year and totally got my marinating skillz down.

    • omg, freakin asleep at the wheel re: BBQ….
      (dudes! why didn’t you wake me up?)

      Varsity BBQ Team is officially in pre-season training–so no going vegetarian or vegan. However, you may continue to date them.

      Also, next practice is coming up–I’ll email all y’all with the info.
      Will someone please have allie email me ([email protected])–she did go out for the team, didn’t she…..?

      • talk about asleep at the wheel, i sent you an ALL-CAPS email like seven and a half years ago

        I AM HANKERING FOR BARBEQUE OVER HERE.

    • haha. how many articles does this make now? given my organizational skills, I should probably keep count.

      note: avoiding capitalizing letters just now was really hard. I just can’t give on the punctuation, so I guess I’m half-way taking one for the team.

      • I can only speak for myself, but I think you would make a fine BBQ club secretary since I lack any organization skills.

          • Babe,
            Imma break it down for you…
            Good flirting may take hours–
            Great flirting may take all night…..

            Now smartypants, having awakened in a cloud of post-flirt happiness, will now be floating into her kitchen for coffee…..and to respond to your VERY LOUD AND WONDERFUL EMAIL.

          • i was making a joke about how i too am a cute girl (AHAHA ALSO A JOKE) but you were not flirting with me (playing a sad violin song nao) BUT apparently my joke was missed or not evident enough but ANYTHING IT TAKES TO GET YOU TO ANSWER IT, OBVIOUSLY I SPRAINED MY PINKY HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY THE ENTIRE TIME

          • Sometimes I think “hey, I’m going to type this one word here in all caps, no need to use the actual caps lock key” and before I know it, the whole damn sentence is being screamed, and I realize too late and just roll with the shifty.

        • Sooo after finally catching up with some of smartypants comments I have just now realized that I actually do have the power to appoint/nominate you BBQ Secretary of Saucy Sparkles. Congratulations and welcome to the team. May your venn diagram of happiness and BBQ overlap substantially.

          • High five, just the sort of enthusiasm this grilling group of gals needs! I’m thinking for short you could always make it the enthusiastic looking: BBQSSS.

          • and sexy as hell I might add…

            (nicely done there Captain Clever with the command decision and all…:-)

          • Good call. That just goes against the whole nature of BBQ as a safe space in which women can boozily explore meat and marinade while playing with fire…and maybe each other.

          • …….wiping her hands on her gaypron, “I can see we’re gonna need more beer…” she says with a laugh and smile….

  6. Sister Spit is definitely more important than pants. Unless you have no pants…even then, you can always get by with skirts, shorts, leggings, etc.

  7. Of course you guys know lesbian teachers, or at least have thousands of them among your readership. I’m one, and I remember a handful commenting in the coming out at work post.

  8. I love it when polished pioneering media super-lezzers are revealed to be, at times, slapping it together like a drunk undergraduate with a paper due tomorrow.

Comments are closed.