The internet has become a far less polite place since that fateful day when the Mailer Daemon murdered Jeeves in cold blood. So, in an effort to breathe a little civility into this lawless land, I have done the research and saved you the keystrokes on what – according to Google algorithms and statistics – you’ve always wondered, wonder presently, or might wonder sometime in the future.
What happens when we die?
Depends on who you ask.
What happens when you tell Siri 112?
Siri is very good at her job (except when she’s not) and if you say “112” she calls emergency services 5 seconds later. This is useful information because of general safety and all, but it’s also very useful if you, like me, have seen every episode of Law and Order: SVU and are paranoid that someone is going to break into your home while you are blow drying your hair and dump a bucket of water on you.
Think about it. It’s the perfect crime.
What happens when you stop smoking?
The first thing that happens is your heart rate normalizes. The longer you don’t smoke the better your blood-oxygen levels become and the lower your blood pressure gets. You start to regain a sharper sense of taste and smell, and within three days your system will be nicotine free. The side effects of withdrawal will most likely start within the first 24 hours. You will feel an increase in anxiety, tension and frustration. It is also common to experience drowsiness or trouble sleeping, as well as an increased appetite. Once you are nicotine free, the headaches, nausea and emotional effects of withdrawal will become more pronounced. Within three weeks you should have little to no withdrawal symptoms (everyone is different after all) but you will definitely have decreased your risk of heart attack and lung cancer. 15 years after you stop smoking, studies show, you will have about the same risk of heart disease as a non-smoker.
On the downside, you can’t use your prized, and absurdly long, Cruella De Ville-style cigarette holder anymore. Bummer.
What happens when you sneeze?
The physical process of sneezing is a pretty simple concept. The nerve endings in your nose are especially sensitive and will send a message to your brain when they sense something foreign in your nose or nasal passage. Your brain then closes your throat, contracts your chest and closes your eyes and mouth all at once and, just as quickly, tells those muscles to relax; forcing air, mucus and saliva out of your nose and mouth. The hope is that the force behind all that air will clear out your nose of the foreign invader. There is no conclusive scientific study on why certain people sneeze in batches of two or three, or a million if you’re my father. However, there is conclusive science that says (for a ton of people wondering, apparently) that your eyes do not pop out if you happen to sneeze with them open, and also, your heart absolutely does not stop for any amount of time. That would be crazy.
What happens when you smoke weed?
Depends on who you ask.