Hey it’s Mother’s Day! This celebration has turned into another one of those fake holidays that make Hallmark shiver with anticipation. But it’s happening whether we like it or not, so Autostraddle is here to help you celebrate, without cheesy cards or flowers.
Everyone has a mom, and some people have gay moms. There are a bunch of lesbian moms in the world, actually! Some of our favorites include our Executive Editor Laneia; Vikki from UpPoppedAFox; Alice Walker, feminist and author of The Color Purple; our Editor-in-Chief Riese‘s mom; and Heather with her two Mommies! SO MANY LESBIAN MOMS.
There are also a lot of famous people out there with gay moms, and we’re willing to bet you didn’t know about a lot of them. So here’s a list for you! Happy Mother’s Day!
Sure, you wanted to eat her sammich in The Breakfast Club, but it’s Sheedy’s Mama, Charlotte, who’s as gay as the day is long. Would you like to ponder the idea of the gay gene now? Do you have some feelings about lineage? Me too.
Dorothy Dandridge! First African-American woman to be nominated for an Oscar and all-around fantastic actress! Did she win? No, because the world was fucked up then. But her mother was a gay lady!
This is the guy that starred in that that amazing Afghanistan “Telephone” video currently tearing up the internet, and some intrepid gays found out that he’s got two Moms! What did Mom have to say about it? :
“I am the VERY proud mom of the handsome redhead, Sgt. Aaron Melcher! He’s been a class clown his whole life! He’s an amazing son, PHENOMENAL husband and AWESOME soldier. He’s found a way to bring humor to a very chaotic place. I couldn’t be prouder.”
Jodie Foster‘s mother = gay. Deal with it. Jodie Foster = also gay. Come on now.
Jena Malone is another one of those actresses that gay girls tend to identify with. She picks those outsider characters that ring so true to us lesbians. But we would have a better chance with Malone’s mom than with the actress herself.
She didn’t speak about it much to the press, but Constance McMillen — the Mississippi lesbian who was barred from prom — has a gay mom, too!
50 Cent‘s music is shockingly homophobic, especially considering his mom was bisexual — although she died under mysterious circumstances when 50 was still a kid. Some of his lyrics even reference his mom’s relationships with women, but I guess he didn’t take away any lessons of tolerance.
There are a lot of crazy stories surrounding Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, author of Frankenstein. Like, for example, how she kept the heart of her husband Percy Shelley wrapped in a sheet of his poetry until her death, 30 years after his.
She was also the daughter of famous 18th century feminist Mary Wollstonecraft. Probs a lot of you know about Wollstonecraft’s contributions to the beginnings of feminism, but did you know she was also queer? It’s hard to pin down her sexuality with exact labels. Lesbianism wasn’t much of a thing in the 1700s, after all. But she was known to have had several romantic attachments with women.
Her mom was a lez! We don’t really know much else about Russo because she’s straight and makes movies with people like Pierce Brosnan.
The L Word Characters
How many gay moms appeared in The L Word? Let’s count! Dana Fairbanks‘s mom had a lesbian crush in a stable, Alice‘s mom was bisexual for a hot minute, Helena‘s mom went from hasbian to full blown lez by the end of Season 3, and of course Molly and Phyllis brought it back around with their lesbian awakenings in Season 5.
And I mean let’s not forget about everyone’s favorite gay Moms of all time, Bette & Tina with the magical disappearing baby Angelica who was so well-parented that she never even required a babysitter:
Obvs these gay moms come as no surprise, because I’m sure you all own the deluxe L Word box set and have seen every episode 100 times, right? But the fact that the Chaik was bold enough to use the same plot line so many times was certainly surprising.
Ok, obligatory bitching about L Word plots aside, the gay mom phenomenon is actually more common than you would think. When Team Autostraddle compared notes, we realized that not only did a couple of us have out lesbian moms, but even more of us are 95% sure that our Moms are totally gay, but we aren’t gonna name names.
So hey, let’s be all scientific and take a poll! How many of you have gay moms or think your mom is gay? Tell us in the comments.
I like to think of my mother as a baby dyke. There’s no other way to explain her awesomeness. ;)
Hey it’s Mother’s Day! This is another day in a long line of fake holidays made up to feed capitalism and make Hallmark rich.
It wasn’t created to make Hallmark rich. The woman who founded the holiday, Anna Jarvis, was so embarrassed to see what the holiday turned into that she started protesting against it. That’s pretty bad.
my mom is defo straight but we’ve contemplated my dad..
also, friendly reminder: not only did helena have a gay-ish mom, she IS a gay mom! or used to be? did we ever find out what happened to her kids/ex?
oh right, the shoddy writing on that show made it so easy to forget
My mum and dad have been married for nearly 40 years, but when I came out to her she said that she thought “everyone feels that way from time to time…” when talking about being attracted to the same sex.
Umm, mom… not everyone.
I love my mom and her queer-loving heart, she’s been the best mum to me my entire life and has supported me in all I’ve done and hope to do.
As an interesting side note, we do not celebrate mother’s day. Weird and tragic things happen on mother’s day ~ My grandmother and great grandmother both died on mother’s day. So now, the general sentiment is: If you can’t love your mom the other 364 days of the year, your a b@stard and shouldn’t get props for being uber lovin’ on just that one day. As far as things running in the family, I’ve been told my great grandmother was the bouncer for many years at the local bar. It would appear that some things run down that side in my family, but I’m hoping to die sometime around Star Wars day rather than mother’s Day. (sorry for long winded comment)
I’ve always kinda thought my mom is gay…and so does most of the neighborhood. Me and at least 30 others can’t be wrong!
Ok so I know tibette are totally made up characters, living a totally made up “perfect” life and at least one half of th duo is straight and married with kids in real life – but I stil feel unbelievay jealous – i wana sit on a porch, in my jammies, reading th sunday papers with my gf .. Alas I’m fartin about th tinternet, lyin in bed ( on my own ) and confessin my loneliness to th world – and most of The ppl Reading this r thinkin 1 of 2 things 1) jeasus what a frikken downer or 2) jeasus her spellings terrible – on th up side i have NSFW to keep me distracted or th jenni n nicki camping sex scene .. Hmmmm…..
Well, I was actually thinking “jeasus, i wana sit on a porch, in my jammies, reading th sundays papers with my gf too”
I know, right??! Tho th second thing I noticed was tinas fugly toes- il give u a min to scroll back…..
See, see what I mean, for such a good lookin female she’s got some weird feet on her .. ( btw iv got some major issues , some say iv got high standards others say it’s narcissism and that’s why I’m alone, i say I’m an attractive, young , intelligent female who intimidates others by her greatness and as yet iv to find someone as great as me) wee jokes wee jokes .. Lol
Ohmygaga, those ARE some ugly toes.
I’ve got major issues too…with feet. GROSS.
Some say I’m narcissistic too ’cause I said more than one time that if I was someone else and I met me, I’d totally do me and then never call back. Meh, they lie.
My mom? Totally in the closet. She had this friend.
my mom had like three friends before she told me that one of her friends was more than just a friend. good luck!
My mom had a friend too and she liked to tell me about the time this friend “cornered” her in the bedroom and locked the door and then they “almost kissed” but my dad knocked on the door and was all like, “What’s going on in there?!”
But in a related note to th actual article – my ma is sooo not a gay .. Quite th opposite.. But has any one ever noticed th local spinsters in their town that have never been married cos they jus never ” met th right man” – iv a lil ole lady Ms Silcox (real name-do not mock) who I serve at my dads bakery she’s th most twisted ole battleaxe with all th other girls who serve her but you know wen u just know thers somethin different [ see gay ] about someone and think she sees it in me ( not in a sexual I want you way but more of acknowledgement kinda way) … Just makes me feel bad for all those older ladies who never got th chance to be a mum with another mum .. :/ …..
that’s exactly the way I feel about my aunts. Both of my aunts are 40 plus, but it’s just one of them that everyone’s suspecting to be gay. we never talk about it, and she’s way too catholic and close to religious mother to ever, ever come out.
Um…..yeah. My mom’s reaction to my coming out was way too vitriolic and um…..explicit for me to not suspect a little repressed homo in her. An example quote: “sure women are way prettier than men and everyone notices them, and sure, men are really disgusting, but that doesn’t mean you should date women.” Um mom, yes it does.
Um, mom, that’s exactly why I should date women.
Yeah, my mom totally freaked out too. She was completely over the top crazy! Yet, she continued to say that people who freak out about gays are gay themselves.
Not me, but one of my older sisters half-raised me (nanny sort of role), and she’s gay.
If it weren’t for the bigots trying to brainwash people ex-gay, I’d enjoy considering the nurture aspect of sexuality. As it is–um, let’s just say it’s genetic, and too complex to “cure,” shall we? Also, dear bigots: you know you’re just jealous. Being gay is awesome.
i always thought my mom was on the gay side..
i came out to her yesterday and she was so excited and happy and… proud? kept saying things like “you’re all woman!” and “that’s my girl!” ..dunno, kinda solidified my thinking she’s closeted. lol
lmao :). Yeah she probably feels like at least a part of her gets to be out and happy.
yay for coming out to moms!
If I remember correctly, Jena Malone went through a legal divorce from her mother…
This blew my mind!
My mom’s obvs straight, but my step-dad is questionable. He spends a lot of time down in Boys-town and can interior decorate way better than my mom can. I believe “I’m butt-sex away from being gay” is something I heard from him verbatim. Plus, before I came out, he kept telling me how awesome he thought it would be if he had a lesbian daughter.
OOOOOOOOO! you just opened the lesbian mom can of worms!
I currently have a boyfriend, yeah, this happens to us queer ladies occasionally. (If you ever wonder what our life is like, read DAR!….seriously, that’s basically us)
He has 4 gay moms.
the original 2. they had him and his lil bro.
Then, they each had another partner.
Then, his bio-mom split from her lady partner (who also has a new girlfriend).
And Bio-mom has a man partner now.
ARE YOU CONFUSED?
I just grew up in a weird commune and consider like, 5 people to be my mother figures.
And you thought YOUR family was complicated.
Wow. Ok. Three things.
1.) That….just blew my mind. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.
2.) DAR? What’s that?
3.) I should use you as an example when my friends are like, “how can you have a crush on a guy if you’re a lesbian?” Whatevs yo. I do what I want! =P
~ Written and illustrated by the super talented Erika Moen, sadly has ended now. There is a lot there to catch up on tho ;)
1. oh, i had to draw a chart on a napkin when he explained it to me.
2. I swear, erika in DAR is my doppleganger.
3. feel free to use me as an example, but just to be fair, we’re both queer as fuck. :D
When I came out to my mom she told me that she was bisexual in the 80s…
And Elli regrets ever telling me this story because every so often I get to make a really amazing your mom joke.
“this is crooked.”
“your face is crooked!”
“your mom was crooked IN THE EIGHTIES.”
Relatedly, I am a mean, mean, friend.
My mom was texting me during SNL last night saying “You are barking up the wrong lesbian”. she’s cute.
Any lesbian girls who would like to meet other girls here…Where do women meet women to date?? It is really difficult to meet a lesbian girl in real life. We should not stay alone, go __femmemingle.com__ and meet a lesbian baby for friendship~now~~
a lesbian baby??
Femmemingle sounds like some kind of awkward Latin dance party.
or like a spammer
Ha, autostraddle has really made the big time, it’s got it’s own spammers.
On the mom issue, when i came out my mum responded with “im not suprised you know i’m probably bi” I am never going to ask whether she actually did anything or not but she was a college student and a feminist in the 70’s though so…
just came out to my mother on mothers day…what was i thinking…well im not dead but i quite possibly just runied any more future mother days for her
no you didn’t! they have to get pissed at first so they can feel like they didn’t just roll over easy. listen when my mom came out to me i was really pissed. and now look, i run this website!
the greatest Mother’s Day present of all:
to know I haven’t caused irrepairable damage to my childrens’ tender psyches!
Thanks For the hugs :)…Its only been a day but it seems like shes coming around
My mother doesn’t believe in labels *cough* homo
My mamas are out and proud! I’ve got three of them and mothers’ day is always quite…involved.
Wanna know what’s awkward?
Your mom telling you at a Longhorn Steakhouse, and I quote:
“What? You don’t think I could be gay? I’ll have you know I had plenty of offers in college, missy.”
Bye. YOU WIN, MOM. YOU WIN.
Oh I know the feeling. I came out to my mother as she was driving me to school or somesuch. (Hint: It’s always good to come out when they can’t run away.)
I said something along the lines of “You know, mum, I’ve finally done the whole first kiss thing … it was a girl.” knowing my mum would get it. Her reaction? “So what, you think I haven’t kissed girls before?” Meh. This was my special moment. ;) (Hint for mothers: It’s always good to counter a coming out by coming out yourself. Your kid’s gonna be way too shocked to talk any further so you both have time to adjust to the situation.)
I’m in love with all your moms. <3
I have this crazy dream that one day my mom and dad will both come out and tell me they're actually eachother's beards. Sigh, it'd be one of the happiest days of my life.
well i’m gay and i’m a mum..does that count.
my mum couldnt be straighter..but i hear talk of a great great grandmother who scandelised the town by insisting on wearing trousers,,,hmmmmmmm
doesn’t Drew Barrymore also have two mommies??
My mom is almost certainly bisexual. When I came out to her she told me about her schoolgirl crush on a fellow counselor-in-training at Girl Scout camp… yeahhhh. Plus now that she has a QUEER DAUGHTER she is so into it and sending me gay pride bumper stickers whenever she can. At the very least she’s wanna-be gay.
And we’re about 99.98% sure that my great-grandmother was a lesbian. (She worked for the railway! She went on a trip around the Midwest & West Coast with her “special friend!” We have a picture of her standing on top of Pike’s Peak wearing pants in the 1920s! She didn’t get married until she was 26! When my mom was a kid, she slept in an different room from her husband with the door locked! EVIDENCE.)
The best part is… well, you know how you watch movies sometimes and you’ve got someone’s mom/grandma/great-grandma/etc. and it’s played by the same actress? And you go “pff yeah right”? Well, judging by photos I’ve seen… we could TOTALLY be played by the same actress. XD
my mom “made out with girls in college.” nowadays she and my father remain happily married, but i’ve got a long line of friends who are really hoping for a second awakening.
i wish my username was this instead.
My Grandma (my Mom’s Mom) was a lesbian Mom, in the 50’s and beyond. She was kick ass too, she and her girlfriend Chris (who she met playing pro softball!) rocked up to a family reunion on a Harley one year. I wish she got to see me come out.
Your granny is my new hero. PRO SOFTBALL? YES.
My mom has seen every episode of the L Word (repeatedly), watches logo b/c “there’s nothing else on,” listened to Shelby Lynne way before 2 weeks ago and reads this web site.
My dad knows all of these things but is clueless.
My Mom is so completely gay. In trying to convince me to be strait she told me about her gay experiences…hm, it didn’t really work:)
All of your mothers sound amazingly cool.
My mum’s amazing and I love her to pieces, but she’s awesome in a completely different way to anything described here. And she’s not gay. It’s just not even possible in my mind. She’s absolutely straight I guess – but this entire subjects requires me to think of her as a woman who has had sex, which… ew, no. I understand that it had to have happened for me and my siblings to be born, but, yuck! (I should probably grow up about this, but I still cringe inwardly when my mum and dad hold hands. I’ll always be a child in this respect.)
I was talking to my sister and she said that when she came out to our mom, my mom said something like, “You think I’m just a country bumpkin and that I don’t understand, but I do understand.” WTF?
And my mother and father’s relationship was always really weird. She was overly dependent on him, and I don’t think they ever really loved each other, which makes me think my mom was just repressed in her small little town.
A mention from Autostraddle is the best Mother’s Day gift ever! Thanks.
my mom is totally gay, except not. when i came out to her, she hesitated for just a moment and then exclaimed ‘THAT’S A GREAT IDEA.’ uh…mom?
to me, my mum’s the cliché and I’m the lesbian. or, she’s a honorary lesbian, for trying. I’ve never asked about her sexuality, but I’ve always suspected her to be bi. A few weeks ago she stated that she’d “never been in a relationship with a woman” *COUGHCOUGHCOUGH*
I mean, that woman has nearly always had asymmetric, short hair, used to wear birkenstock’s and bib overalls, is a social worker, listens to Jan Allain (big lesbian singer like a decade ago in Germany) and has her very own collection of Rita Mae Brown books. (I’m talking Rubyfruit Jungle) Seriously!
My beloved stepmom on the other hand told me once, after a bottle or so of wine, that she once tried out being with a woman.
Both of my “moms” (both “straight”) are completely cool with me being gay. When I came out to my bio-mom she said “Great!! You can’t get pregnant by accident!!”
Ever since that telephone video, I have a crush on Aaron Melcher.
PS can someone make me a GIF of him dancing around? lol
I love celebrating lesbian moms! Woo! Our son has no clue that his family is different, but soon he will, but maybe by then more lesbian will have kids and it will be way more accepted! Get on it, ladies! ;)
I love all the mum stories that everyone’s posted in their comments! Makes me wish I’d come out to my mum today. I WAS SO CLOSE. ): Hrm. Though, my mum is the straightest person EVER. She’s still utterly head over heels in love with my dad despite the fact that they’re DIVORCED and they never see each other anymore and he cheated on her multiple times over the course of fourteen years. I think he was also probably her first love. My dad is also incredibly straight since all those women he cheated on my mum with were, well, women. :’D Then again, my family is a very traditional, conservative Chinese family so, er, if I do come out, I will probably the first queer person, or at least the first non-closeted one, in the history of my ancestry. Awesome.
See when I came out to my mom..she told me we all have those feelings when we’re younger…and then continued to tell me about every girl she liked in junior high and high school and how she never acted on it because it was “wrong”. there’s a good mormon for ya!
I sorta came out to Mum some years ago and at first she was all “um…OK?” but then later (after I told her that the t.A.t.U. songs she kept singing along to was about a lesbian relationship) said “If [Best Friend] finds out you like girls she will not be your friend anymore!” (Long story.) Except Best Friend totally accepted my bisexuality, told me about her other best friend being lesbian, and was fine with me having a crush on her for years. Problem is, she’s straight. Bah.
My parents can’t even refer to my PET BUNNY having a mate without being embarassed, so we don’t usually ever talk about anything to do with sexuality ever. Also they come from Conservative South Asian Land, where you just Didn’t Think Of It Ever. But I kinda wonder about them sometimes. Surely I can’t be the only person in our massive tangle of a family tree that has same-sex inclinations! (Though honestly amongst our entire cousin collective, my sister and I are possibly the most liberal; if anyone else in the family tried to come out they’d be in deep shit.)
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hiya my mum is gay and me to :) xx
This story has an anger edge to it, and I don’t get why. (IE: “Jodie Foster’s mother = gay. Deal with it.”)
Mother’s Day isn’t fake – The earliest history dates back to the ancient annual spring festival the Greeks dedicated to maternal goddesses. (nothing wrong with that, I say!)
The Greeks used the occasion to honor Rhea, wife of Cronus and the mother of many deities of Greek mythology.
Everyone celebrates things in their own way, and Mother’s Day is one of those times. Is the purpose of the article to raise the middle finger at straights? If so, why? I try to treat everyone with respect as I’d like to be treated in return. If I’m giving the salute, I have to expect it back.