Leaked iPhone 4G Lost Then Found and Hipster Time Travel

iPhone 4G:

If the insider masterminds at Apple have taught us anything, I’d say this weekend’s lesson sets the conventional wisdom bar pretty high. Over the weekend one of Cupertino’s finest (and presumably drunkest) left their phone behind in a bar. Problem is, it wasn’t just any any old phone- it’s the unreleased iPhone 4G.

Gizmodo got their paws on it this morning and published a thorough analysis and physical dissection of the thing, confirming that the phone left behind is in fact a prototype of the upcoming iPhone 4G. How much they paid for it, how this will all play out legally and how many brutal lashings the careless Apple employee will received are all yet to be determined.

I think there’s probably a special circle in hell for people who leak Apple products, and I think Steve Jobs had that shit installed for circumstances just like this. Unless it’s an insider job meant to get the buzz going around Apple’s newest phone, which would be kind of disappointing considering how zany this story’s been so far. We’ll see how it plays out.

If Gizmodo’s hot little piece of evidence is any indication (it is), the iPhone 4G will have both a front and a back facing camera, an indeterminately higher resolution and an industrial new design. The design opts for a more squared-off look over the current iPhone’s sleek curvature which resembles the handsome HTC Evo 4G.

But the coolest, most James Bondesque part of the story is this: when the unsuspecting bar-goer found the phone it was disguised as an iPhone 3G, rounded edges of the old design and all. But when they popped off the case, the phone’s clearly shaped differently than its housing would suggest! The case camoflauge even had custom-made little holes for the newly designed 4G camera, headphone jack and buttons. How sweet is that?!

Time Traveling Hipster:

This image of an apparently anachronistic hipster fellow in my mind incontrovertibly proves the existence of time travelers. No really. This is a real photograph. And, assuming maybe he’s not actually a time traveler, the in-depth analysis of how his outfit is actually suited to the time period may be even more interesting. This is the coolest thing ever. No really.

Octopus Attack!:

Clearly this octopus has cinematic aspirations. The kind of beautiful kind of terrible sea beast grappled a diver’s video camera out of his hands before setting off to make his own home movie. Happily, we get to see the Octopus’ short film as well as the man vs. cephalopod showdown. Look how strong that thing is! And my, how fast!

Kick Ass:

If you’re like me and still haven’t seen Kick Ass and actually don’t really understand what it’s about, this comic drawn in crayon could very well suffice in lieu of an actual movie-going experience.

iPad Suicides:

If you’re down in the dumps about your distinct lack of a tablet shaped shiny thing to have and to hold, this human rights alert about Foxconn, the Chinese iPad manufacturer, and their suspicious epidemic of suicides should make you feel all warm and self-righteous again. Except, unfortunately, most of our other shit gets made by Foxconn too: the iPad, the iPhone, Intel-branded motherboards, the PlayStation 3, the Wii and the Xbox 360 among them.

Infographic Fix:

Can you tell we like infographics? All of us go wild for ’em around here. And this typographical choose your own adventure image is no exception.

Dear Mr. Jobs:

One of the creators of Wired Magazine (My #1 Feeling) issued an open letter to the Apple demi-god himself, asking him to come down from on high. And you know, deign to interact with us. Hear Hear!

Once upon a time, back before you got real popular, you used to take part in the public square. You may have been less forthcoming than most, but at least your employees would speak at industry events, have unscripted conversations with journalists, and engage in the world a bit here and there.

But over the past few years, things seem to have changed. You pulled out of MacWorld and began hosting your own strictly scripted events. You forbid any of your executives from speaking at any public conferences (save one victory lap with Bill Gates a few years ago). Employees blogging, posting to social networks, or offering academic papers for public comment is actively discouraged.


Gayest WoW Ever:
If you missed it yesterday, we’ve got our own brand new Autostraddle guild in World of Warcraft! C’mon…like you don’t want to pretend you’re an elf. Check the link for the lowdown!

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Taylor has written 137 articles for us.

27 Comments

  1. warrrhhhhh! The first three stories are my favorite set of three subsequent stories every to be published on a page on the Internet. !!!!!!!!!!!!! is all I got, and love.

  2. wow, “under the sea” gave me a really unrealistic sense of that the folks down there sound like. that first track was such a bummer! defo not trading any mixtapes etc with octopuses(sp?) any time soon

  3. Saw Kick Ass on Sat. and I must say, it is EXACTLY the fruition of its title. More little girls should be like HG (Hit Girl) aka Mindy. Two thumbs up, ftw!

  4. After reading the little how it was lost thing on the phone, I felt more like it coulda been an insider thing. But kinda like when the Edge lost How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb at a photo shoot, rumors will fly but we may never know?

    Though now I feel like I am maybe the last person in the world under 60 (which I say to exclude my generally technophobic mother, not to slight any over 60s) who doesn’t care about camera phones at all.

    Also, I’m not convinced that the arm doesn’t belong to the Time Traveling Hipster, looking at the sweater color and collar action. Maybe it’s just that my great aunt once knitted me a sweater vest?

    • I would quite happily see phones lose the cameras.

      I’m fairly certain that in 20 years time, no-one will be able to go into politics because everyone will have every last debauched indiscretion catalogued on the internet, thanks to someone always having a camera handy.

  5. good freaking grief taylor, this fix is amazing. had we a ‘favorite’ button, i would click it.

    i really really love the hipster time traveler b/c even though he’s not actually a hipster or a time traveler, i bet he was a cool guy. just look at his awesome hair.

  6. That was supposed to be “iPhone” not “iPod” – is there a way to modify comments on here or is it just a “click into the land of no return” type of thing?

  7. Time travelling hipster invested all that effot making a time machine, fixing his hair till it’s just cool enough and picking out his fav hipster t-shirt to wow the people of the past and then he goes back to see a bridge being reopened, out of all the things in history he could have seen, for shame time travelling hipster, for shame!

  8. You’d think the 4G leak would be the most exciting thing on the page to this Apple Addict.

    NAY, MY FRIENDS. NAY.

    It is the TYPEFACE FLOWCHART.

    Ish to do tomorrow:
    1. Print typeface flowchart.
    2. Place typeface flowchart next to periodic table of typefaces.
    3. Cry tears of joy.

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