If Women’s Magazine Covers Were Aimed at Queer Women

It’s no surprise that a quick scan of a magazine stand yields few results in the queer department. Maybe we get a picture of Ellen and Portia in the top corner of a cover standing side by side with the posture of two people whose names have just been called one after the other at graduation and then one of their moms is like, “Okay, let’s get a picture with you two!” but like most things in modern media, especially “women’s magazines,” we are cameos, not stars.

Until now! Introducing the Magazine for Women Who Aren’t Straight: JKLAFGHD. The name was inspired by what happens when I want to express frustration or extreme joy online, which I think is a good baseline of emotions for our approach. Every so often we’ll check in here to catch up on the latest not-straight trends, get updates on the not-straight classics, and check in with our favorite not-straight celebrities via JKLAFGHD front covers, all while staying true to that timeless, attention-grabbing style. Up first in our July through September editions are Lilly Tomlin, Aubrey Plaza, and friend of Autostraddle, Brittani Nichols.


July – Lilly Tomlin

lily


August – BISEXUAL, Aubrey Plaza

aub-final


September – Brittani Nichols

brit-2

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 207 articles for us.

62 Comments

  1. I want to do the crossword…

    Actually, I think there are some web sites where you type in the words and clues and it makes a crossword for you, and ones where you type in the words and it makes a word search. Hmm…

  2. Is it “riding, winning, losing, cheating” or “WRITING, winning, losing, cheating”. I always assumed the latter bc, you know, Jenny.

    Also every time I remember the title of her novel was Thus Spoke Sarah Schcuester I roll my eyes so hard I do a cartwheel

    Wheeeeeeeeee

    • i’ll be honest with you monique: i had to look those lyrics up and it said riding. the fact that they’re also riding a motorcycle in the credits seems like a total chaiken move

      • I would also like to be honest. Every single time I hear that theme song, my brain automatically changes the words to the lyrics to “My Favourite Things” from The Sound of Music.

        Every. Single. Time.

        • I’ve been trying to figure out the timing of this for a good ten minutes and I can’t get it down. Please record yourself singing this and report back, i just don’t understand how you can fit “brown paper packages tied up with string” into that bananas tempo.

          • OKAY, here’s how it works.

            When the lyrics to the theme song start “Girls in tight dresses…”, YOU should start with “girls in white dresses, with blue satin sashes.”

            “Chicks driving fast…” becomes “Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes”

            “Women who long…”
            “Silver white winters that melt into spring”

            And that’s how it’s done. Is mashing up musical theatre lyrics and The L Word theme song the gayest thing I’ve ever done?

  3. Erin! Your BRAIN!!! This article!!!!!!! I am doing the Tom Hanks laugh when tub plumments through the floor in Money Pit!!!!!!!

    Please post every day! Pleeeeeeeeease!

  4. This is a magazine I would actually purchase, instead of just flipping through casually while in line at the grocery story. That is a significant accomplishment, my friend. You should feel proud.

  5. I wish this came with a “Will They Or Won’t They” section focused on shipping.
    Like,
    “Myka and Helena, did they do the naughty offscreen?”
    And a recipe section subdivided into vegetarian, vegan and paleo.

  6. OK who else wants to produce this (with some real AS articles thrown in) and print it and slip it under People at Supercuts and dermatologist offices until we’ve reached enough teenagers and queers take over the world?

  7. Dying to know which writer rolled out of a moving car/Are they okay/is there footage of this or can you maybe release a dramatization online for subscribers?

    In all seriousness, I would pay an irresponsible amount of money for these magazines.

  8. I am confused if this is satire or not? I’m not really interested in articles about straight peoples stereotypes about being queer. But is that the point because womens magazines are vapid? Not my sense humor I guess…

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.