Grey’s Anatomy’s Lesbian Wedding: A Night of Love and Rage

I don’t know if I ever “watched” Grey’s Anatomy. Like I’ve never known what night it was on. I saw the first season on DVD and let me tell you — that clipped way Meredith and Sandra Oh are always talking? The clever quip, the nasal aside, the eye roll, the Sorkin-esque snatching-of-the-clipboard-and-quickly-rounding-the-corner?  Listening to those voices, hour after hour after hour? That’s what it sounds like when sparrows sing in hell. Hellsparrows.

After that initial overdose my interest languished, as did my access to cable television. I’m somehow fundamentally opposed to the idea of Katherine Heigl having a career, I can’t figure out why. The guy from Felicity — McDreamy? (UPDATE: Patrick Dempsey was not in Felicity. I have no clue where I’ve been subjected to his face before.) Ew. Then, in 2006, producer Shonda Rhimes snatched Sara Ramírez from Broadway, and I liked that, because I like her, and my best friend had a crush on Addison. There was nothing else on. I believe it was in this spirit I half-watched half of Season Two.

In October of 2006, Isaiah Washington allegedly insulted TR Knight using a gay slur and by June 2007, Washington was off the show and TR Knight had officially come out. In other words — gay shit was starting to go down in Seattle Grace, albeit offscreen. Gay shit went onscreen in 2008, when Erica Hahn, played by Brooke Smith (obviously I just looked this all up) was introduced the same season as an allegedly bisexual newcomer played by Melissa George (she was quickly given the boot, however).

Henceforth Dr. Hahn, apparently, extracted Callie’s latent bisexual yearnings and a Lesbian Storyline was born, only to be cut short in November 2008 when Grey’s Anatomy cut Dr. Hahn, saying, “Unfortuantely, we did not find that the magic and chemistry with Brooke’s character would sustain in the long run.” Many suspected ABC wanted to “de-gay” Grey’s.

Somewhere along the line Grey’s became a shitshow.  Somewhere along the line, Grey’s re-gayed itself when they brought Bette Porter’s TA onto the show. Arizona (played by Jessica Capshaw) would be Callie’s new lady-love interest. Because Grey’s had become, by that point, terrible, the lesbian storyline became the only reason to keep watching at all.

Not reason enough for me, though. Instead of viewing any more episodes, ever, I did that thing we’ve all done at three AM: The YouTube Lesbian Storyline Ritual! The YTLSR requires lighting a sacrificial joint, finding a megafan’s YouTube channel, and subsequently watching only the lesbian scenes until someone dies or you fall asleep.

So that gets me to the POINT of this entire article, which is that on Thursday night, Callie and Arizona got married, and I saw it — the entire episode! Even the heterosexual parts! — and I have some feelings about it.

Maybe I missed a YouTube video, but last I saw these cats, Callie had just been granted permission to go home from the hospital (after the car accident) with mini-baby in tow. I feel like teevee weddings either take ten episodes to plan (The Office) or they happen instantaneously (Glee) and in this case hey-o the gang’s all here BADA BING BADA BOOM! Both sets of parents have gathered for dinner in anticipation of the upcoming White Wedding, which is the name of the episode.

Callie’s even gotten a Minister to marry them to please her Mom who likes church and so forth. They’re getting married in a church, even, because Callie wants this to be as easy on her Mom as possible. Then her Mom says:

At first you think — what’s going on, is Mrs. Torres going blind in both eyes? Is she part of the Alzheimer’s Trial that Meredith keeps talking about? NOPE. Mrs. Torres expects continued vision in both eyes but won’t see Callie in heaven because Callie will be in the firepits of hell, partying with the other homos. Seems unlikely, but it wouldn’t be a lesbian wedding episode without one parent bailing. That should be a TV Trope, if it isn’t already (Unforgiving Mother, something like that).

So this is a blow–right?  Maybe I’m projecting, but her mother’s insistence that it’s not real in the eyes of the law hits hard — when you write discrimination into the US constitution, you condone discrimination in the personal lives of American people. Homophobes should be required to defend their beliefs from inside, they shouldn’t be able to outsource evidence to the American Government.

So Mom’s ditching. Callie’s Dad wants to stay but Callie’s like, you have to go with Mom, bitch can’t drive, and also if he stays Callie will cry. Then the minister bails and she’s like what the fuck, I had all of Mikey’s assistants ON THAT shit, it took forever to find one that would take our money.

ANYHOW! So then Callie is like, fuck it, let’s call the whole thing off. Bailey returns to talk her out of it and Callie says that thing that we’re not supposed to say —

And Bailey says the thing we are supposed to say —

I’m sure many of you can attest to the truth of that statement. But still.

Okay so — in Seattle, they’ve got this “everything-but-marriage” law that survived a vote in 2009, thank the Lawd, it’s called Referendum 71, which expands domestic partnership legislation to include a lot of the same rights as marriage. So they do have that, and Callie knows that, because Ricky Vasquez came to the hospital in a kilt and told her so. I wish they’d mentioned it.

So eventually Callie stops crying long enough about her Mom being a douche for Arizona to have a minute to cry about her brother being dead. So now everybody has cried, feelings feelings feelings, it’s time to go get married in the garden they booked, decorated and rented chairs for in 24 hours during which I’m pretty sure everyone was at work.

Have you noticed how in like, Season Ten, TV shows basically have just switched all the bad guys into good guys and the good guys into bad guys because they ran out of other shit to do? Like since when has Mark been the best character?

OKAY SO! So much love, yet so much rage.


With about ten minutes left before the show close, Dr. Felicity tells Meredith Gray that he met this little baby earlier today! She was crying but then when Dr. Dreamybits picked her up, she stopped crying, and now he’s in love with the baby and look at her, she’s just so fucking cute!!!

“Let’s adopt her!” says Dr. Felicity to Meredith Voiceovermachine. How fun! It’s a baby! Look how cute she is look at her teeny tiny hands and her baby laugh! Let’s raise a little baby! Together! Man and woman! Adam and Eve with baby!

“Okay!” says Merrydith. Dr. McDoctor always looks hungover, doesn’t he? Does that actor have a drug problem?

Anyhow flash back to these two women who want to make a lifetime commitment to each other, and instead of walking with the father of the Bride, Callie’s walking with the Father of the Bride’s Daughter, which is sweet but also moreso bittersweet.

Then we flash back to Mereck jetting off to City Hall to sign some papers!

You know how some straight couples are like, “We’re not gonna get married legally until EVERYONE can get married legally,” like they’re being a martyr for our civil rights or whatever?

Not only are they getting married even though Calizona cannot, but they’re literally missing Calizona’s wedding TO GO GET MARRIED. Nice, right?

So the ending montage makes a pretty strong political statement, either on purpose or not, and it also gave me RAGE. RAGE RAGE RAGE. It flipped back and forth between Meredith & Derek getting married and Callie & Arizona getting married. What’s interesting about it is that by doing this, they put the ceremonial nature of marriage and the legal nature of marriage right up against each other and it tasted just as weird as you thought it might. Also, obviously Callie & Arizona’s wedding was WAY better.

Here’s how straight people can play it — well, not just any straight people, I guess, but upper-middle-class white straight people can do it — they can find a baby in the hospital that employs them, decide they want to adopt it, and then just hop over to city hall and sign some papers. There they are. Legally bound for life. Just like that. And G-d they’re so fucking SMUG in this montage.

How does this show want us to feel? I couldn’t figure out how to feel.

Meanwhile these two women have been through hell and highwater just for the permission to wear two pretty dresses in front of people and share their relationship with G-d and the world and each other but that stuff is all inside you, like Bailey said earlier in the episode. It’s all inside you. Which is fantastic.

Butttttt I guess as Callie learned a few weeks back in that car accident — it’s scary to hold all that inside you. It can break. It’s a beautiful idea but I think some people like structure. We like contracts. We just need some things to be settled, outside of us, over there. On a piece of paper in a building where we can’t fuck it up.

So here’s how gay people can play it. The dresses and the tent and the heartache and the family not being there but so so so so so so so much love. But somehow unworthy of legal recognition… although it sure is sweet! And very important. Look at this:

At the end Callie’s Dad showed up to dance with her and I almost cried. Almost.

What did you think?

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3213 articles for us.


  1. While I appreciated what Baily said, I wish the writers would have included at least one line about how gay marriage SHOULD be legal, or at least that it wasn’t fair that it isn’t. While I agreed with her sentiments (and teared up a little), I felt it was a bit short-sighted to just state that if it is real in your head, then that’s enough – because it isn’t enough.

    There was an interesting line in an earlier episode where Arizona was allowed to be in the operating room while her new born was in surgery because “legally, she was nothing to the baby” – but it was unfortunately not expanded upon. Maybe they will pick up on this nuance later.

    And as a note on the lesbian story lines on grey’s, I think that they have a similar effect that Ellen does for people who don’t know any gay people – they normalize it/make it non-threatening.

    Thanks for the recap, Riese!

    • What happened was Dr. AssholePediatrician was like “since you’re not technically related to the baby…” at which point Arizona turned crimson and blew steam out her ears “You can observe in the OR during the surgery.” Smiles all around.

      I think that Arizona getting all mad and Dr. AssholePediatrician’s following comments are supposed to indicate to us that

      1. Arizona is obviously upset about this
      2. Dr. AssholePediatrician was just abusing biological facts to allow Arizona in the OR

      I do hope they address legal parenting/adoption type stuff in the future though.

  2. I think the contrast between the two weddings was intentional which I think is a wonderful way of making the point without saying everything we’ve heard before. (Yes some people might not get it. But these people wouldn’t have been swayed by the words either.)

    Your renaming of Meredith and Derek every sentence was my favourite.

  3. I think that…

    Patrick Dempsey (McDreamy) never guest-starred or starred in Felicity, Scott Foley (i.e Henry Burton, Teddy’s husband) did.

    Generally I thought the episode was pretty good,
    I’m a sucker for a wedding though! I’m not a big Mark fan but I thought he was way less obnoxious than usual.

    I liked the Callie’s Dad came back however it’s sort of odd that her Mom was anti-lesbian wedding as I’m pretty sure in a previous episode it was her Dad who had the issue with her sexuality and her Mom’s question was basically “If you are with a woman will I still get a wedding and grandchildren?”

    • Not to be a Grey’s Geek or anything but her whole family had an issue, her dad was the only one we saw. He was asking if her mother would get any of these things but it wasn’t suggested the mother had said any of that to him.

    • that’s my grandma’s only concern. well, not so much the wedding aspect…she just wants to be a great grandmother asap like woah.

      also, when i went to dinah, my nickname became “Arizona” and I was like, “yeaaaah…i don’t know of anyone else referred to as Arizona!” but now i know there’s a primetime is all.

      i don’t watch grey’s anatomy but i heard a TON of upset words w/r/t this particular episode.

  4. i was midway through this season when it got too stupid to watch and i can’t even be sucked back in by calzona’s wedding. plus, now that you’ve recapped it, i can read it in 10 minutes instead of watching it in 45! so that you for that and i liked your commentary. i think sometimes the problem with grey’s, and tv shows like it, is that there are so many characters+plots that each plot only gets like 5 minutes an episode. and in some episodes they even have to go to work and stuff.

  5. For the majority of my wedding planning I had this horrible fear that everyone was going to look at us as two girls playing dress up. I even said no when my wife asked (um. Three times. I am awful, she is persistent) because I was convinced it was just two girls playing dress up. Where I live there is nothing even civil union-esque, after a certain number of years living together we automatically get most of the same rights granted to defacto straight people but there is nothing formal or ceremonial about it.

    So in the end it was beautiful, and no one who was there did think we were playing dress ups and one uncle sat in the car park the entire night just so everyone knew he was definitely not ‘condoning’ the lovefest rocking party/fabulous food happening inside.

    What I *do* think is that we all spend a lot of time talking about gay marriage *rights* and not actually talking about actual gay marriage and gay people getting married and how it doesn’t have to be gay people fitting themselves into straight people’s traditions and roles. It felt a lot less like dress ups when we realised neither of us have to ‘play’ anything. Or have a tent.

    I’m sure there were noble intentions in showing how easy straight people can have it, but as someone who has been married two years and is STILL trying to figure how how/when we’re going to get the piece of paper, it just made me ragey.

    • My wife and I were engaged for seven years because of just that. We wanted it to “mean something.”

      Then I got really tired of waiting and said, “You. Me. Our closest friends and family. Hawaii. YES.”

      It was wonderful, despite the many mini-nervous breakdowns that wedding planning/aftermath caused me to have. And it DID mean something, even if the Australian government doesn’t think so!

      • Exactly. Except instead of Hawaii, it was Adelaide… I guess the bonus of having to do it twice is next time it can be somewhere much more exciting ;)

        • Oh lord, I am never planning another wedding. When it’s legal, it’s courthouse all the way! ;)

          • Oh hell yes, one ‘wedding’ was more than enough. It’ll be a courthouse, but it will be a courthouse in London. We’ve saved the honeymoon for one giant ‘Europe trip/get the piece of paper’ shebang.

  6. riese – maybe you remember patrick dempsey from “loverboy” circa 1989? the one where he’s a pizza delivery boy who is also a gigolo. that’s where i remember him from…so i don’t know.

  7. 1. i hate all the men on grey’s anatomy. all of them. always. forever.

    2. i’ve seen every episode of the show and i am legitimately upset that i have never thought of a single one of those pseudonyms. because they are amazing.

  8. 1. RICKY
    2. I thought they were trying to say it wasn’t fair, but maybe i’m giving them too much credit.

  9. Ricky- definetly, I picked up on that too. I loved the episode though, but the mom got me so angry!! I absolutely wish gay marriage was easier to come by. One day I’ll get married! And it actually mean something!

  10. “Not only are they getting married even though Calizona cannot, but they’re literally missing Calizona’s wedding TO GO GET MARRIED. Nice, right?”

    Preach! I’m sorry, but that was SUCH A DICK MOVE. It’s like Oh Oh, no big deal if we miss their “wedding” – it’s just a couple girls playing dress up after all. Let’s go do this for realsies.


  11. This post made me re-feel the feelings I felt when I watched the episode. Even if Grey’s tried to make a statement by flipping back and forth between the two marriage scenes, I feel like it ended up seeming like a “let’s-all-be-happy-for-these-two-couples” moment.
    Yeah, I had some rage when Meredith and Derek just showed up and got married within (presumably) a few hours of deciding to do so. After Callie and Arizona went through a considerable amount of time dealing with planning and annoying family members and lots of feelings to have a ceremony that doesn’t give them a huge package of social and economic benefits. Not to mention a feeling of equality. That’s kind of important as well.
    I just wrote a research paper about Callie and the representation of her sexuality on the show, which makes me feel even more strongly that Grey’s should have mentioned something about how same-sex marriage should be legal. SOMETHING.

  12. my favorite thing about this episode: when bailey’s giving her “god is inside you” speech, she’s wearing the color purple (she wears purple at the wedding, too.) i feel like it’s an intentional nod to alice walker’s the color purple, which gives me hope that the folks behind grey’s know what they’re talking about and have our best interests at heart.

  13. I’m so glad other people were as enraged by the Meredith/Derek and Callie/Arizona parallel scene as I was. And the writers apparently don’t get it. From the writer of the episode:

    “It goes right back to what Bailey says to Callie in the episode. These are two people willing to stand up and commit themselves to one another, forever. In good times and bad. For the rest of their lives. THAT is the bold statement, legal or not.

    Bolder, to me, is the fact that Meredith and Derek actually make their marriage legal.”


    Also, your recaps (this, Glee, The L Word) are seriously the most entertaining things I’ve ever read.

    • … Wow. Gosh, it’s too bad that Callie and Arizona aren’t bold enough to get married legally.

      Oh right they can’t.

    • What a gross downer. I was hoping it was showing how easy it is for heteros to just show up an hour after they decide to get married, and have it be all legal, while gays obviously can’t, and so for even your friends to acknowledge a (non-legal) marriage there has to be a big ceremony (not that I’m anti-ceremony).

  14. So at first I read Mereck as Meridick, and I was like “well, that’s appropriate”.

  15. Patrick Dempsey was in Can’t Buy Me Love which is kind of well-known. Maybe that’s where?

    • He was also in “enchanted”, u know that fairy tail thing with susan sarandon& is it amy adams? (you know th red head that was in wedding crashers and lost her virginity on th beach? Her. ) it’s all kinds of cheesy but I love cheese so hate me for liking it! O and Rachel berrys mum was in it! What’s her name IRL?

      • And can I just say I am extremly hungover and on th edge of death, so please forgive my bad grammar & spelling.. I’m actually cringing at th fact I spealt “tail” instead of “tale” – FAIL

        • The red head in Wedding Crashers is Isla Fisher, not Amy Adams. Just sayin’.

          Amy Adams is also the girlfriend in The Fighter.

  16. I’ve honestly never watched a full season of GA. Every single character came off so self righteous, and I for whatever reason I want to punch Katherine Heigal whenever I see her. Addison was super hot from and kickass from the few episodes I saw but she got her own show with actors I love so problem solved! Never had to watch GA.

    So thanks Riese for boiling something I would have had to toil through in 45 minutes down to 10. While the whole ‘mom does not condone the homoness of the wedding’ thing is a total trope, it rings true. My mom is hispanic, former catholic and deeply christian, would be that cranked up to a 12. She’s actually the reason why I’m so closeted in the hometown so… yeah it sounds about right to me.

  17. I’ve seen every episode of this show, ever…even though like I’ve been flirting with quitting for like two years and even more so after the MUSICAL EPISODE…I wish that had been mentioned here because it was one of those trainwreck things.

    BUT ANYWAYS. So, this Lesbian Wedding. It was cliché. I almost cried at the end too, but SO CLICHÉ. Like, everyone knew the mom would bail but the dad would come back like 6 seconds into the episode…and the wedding did come out out of complete nowhere since Arizona only asked Callie to marry her like three episodes ago, right before the horribly predictable Car Accident of Retrospection that led to the aforementioned HORRENDOUS MUSICAL EPISODE. All I remember thinking during the whole thing was, “You know, I love Glee, but LIFE IS NOT GLEE AND GREY’S GLEE SUCKS.”

    Maybe I’m just really still harboring a lot of rage in general for this farce of a story arc. Like, I love Callie and Arizona, but the way they did this just cheapens the whole thing, non?

    (BTW, the first Lesbian Storyline, between Callie and Erica Hahn, pretty sure ABC nipped that one in the bud because it wasn’t one of those L Word-everyone-is-fucking-drop-dead-gorgeous lesbian relationships. Erica Hahn kicked ass. She was a power lesbian. Let’s get real, America fears the Power Lesbian.)

    • the wedding didn’t come out of nowhere. 3 months went by between the accident and the wedding day, they said so when Callie could take the baby home.

      • But in the context of the show it was random….like you can say three months went by but that doesn’t make it any less random to the viewer. It’s bad storytelling.

        • I am a regular viewer and I don’t think it came out of nowhere. they’ve been together for seasons, right? what’s random about getting married after being together this long?

  18. a few thoughts
    – that scene with Arizona crying for her brother and Mark being there for her was totally disconnected to the rest of the episode Very random.
    – Callie’s dad wants to punch Mark. I feel the same way. Really man, do you have to be part of their wedding too?
    – Meredith and Derek were total assholes with the timing of their marriage.
    – I liked the flipping back and forth between the super impersonal “sign here, stamp, staple, you’re done, next person please” city hall marriage and the garden ceremony.
    – Bailey kicks ass.
    – I knew that Callie’s dad would show up eventually and I still cried.

    • I agree with you for the most part, maybe not about Mark. He is supposed to be Callie’s bff, he should be at and in the wedding. He should not be making comments about being a part of their family and having 2 father-in-laws. So wanting to punch him for those comments is totally warranted.

      Meredith and Derek blowing off their wedding was lame and completely self-centered. Although, I love that they did the flipping back and forth and showed how impersonal a wedding can be.

      the rest of your thoughts, completely agree.

  19. Let me tell you that I’ve only seen Grey’s two ways:

    1. Repeats on Lifetime because that was what my roommate was watching every time I’d get home from work last year.
    2. I like to watch Callie dance in her underwear, so I’ve got the youtube clip bookmarked. JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED, BITCHES.

    and all I know is this: I wish I looked like Callie just because I’m Hispanic. I’d like that to be a real thing. Where can I sign up. I would like my ass to look like that when I dance around in my underwear in the boiler room of a hospital.

    None of that was cohesive, but I don’t give NO FUCKS. I’ve got a youtube clip to watch.

    • 1. Please share the link to this video because I want to watch it.

      2. I used to watch Grey’s with my mom, but pretty sporadically after the first season. I just realized I didn’t care what happened to any of them, except Bailey, and it just wasn’t worth it. This recap does not make me want to start watching again. At all.

      • Am I going to get in trouble? Is that a thing? I don’t know. It’s worth it. Like stealing bread for my hungry family, like in Les Miserables. Only we’re all hungry lesbians (Lez Miserables???). This went too far maybe.



  20. My biggest beef with GA is that this season and weirdly particularly in this episode, Callizona has become asexual. I’m really tired of episodic tv getting props for having gays couple characters on their shows while simultaneously neutering them and not presenting anything even remotely accurate nor equivalent to the sex & affection in the other straight character relationships. I was ENRAGED every time there was a scene with Callizona where a kiss was TOTALLY APPROPRIATE and what would happen in a similar situation IRL, and the best they could give us was a hand hold. As in “We’re getting married!!” lovie, lovie aaaand… let’s hold hands like sexless teenagers. If this were one of the straight couples, they would have kissed. In fact, on this show in particular, if it were one of the other couples, there probably would have been full on sex. I’m not looking for a long, wet one just something REALISTIC and equivalently sexy as their straight counterparts. Even the wedding kiss was pathetic! Either the director of this particular episode was incompetent or, more likely, was told to shoot it obscured. Both angles shot on the kiss made it impossible to see them really kissing. Not what happens when the heteros do it! This is bullshit and makes this relationship less than. If a show is going to make a statement by having a gay couple, they need to be depicted as accurately as any other couple on the show. They need to go 100% homogay with the relationship. We kiss, we hug, we lie in bed naked, we have sex. People need to see this, especially those that are not yet comfortable with our existence. Enough of this copout crap already. It’s boring and makes me want to stop watching.

    Riese – Brill as always!

    Unrelated – In the AS revamp, new things, features, etc. category, any way to get a “like” button or similar for the comments? ;-) TIA

    • Ok – I just read that Chandra herself shot the episode so now I know that pathetic wedding kiss was on purpose. Maybe she’s a little phobic after all, or maybe the gay-for-pay actresses are tired of swapping spit. Either way it sucks.

      Hey GLAAD – can we please not give the show anymore awards for this substandard cowardly depiction? Thanks.

      • Totes, it really is unfortunate how gay characters can never be sexualized.

        I think it is also difficult because then they become too sexualized. Nothing is more annoying in a show than having a gay character who is just gay. I like a good coming out storyline, especially on shows geared towards younger viewers who can see it and be exposed to the fact that coming out doesn’t have to be so terrifying. Unfortunately, shows seemed to have gotten sucked into this very hetero view that when a character is gay, that is their identity.

        I hate writers who use their character’s sexuality as an excuse for a lack of personality. Gay isn’t a hobby or an interest and does not need to be it’s own storyline, people!

    • Ahhhh…that’s why I didn’t give a shit about the wedding ahead of time. Thank you for hitting the button for me. Now my apathy makes sense.

  21. Meredith and Derek are plain asshats, and as much as I dislike the word, I have started to hate them for being so self-centered.

    “they won’t mind if we don’t show up to their princessdreamsparklingmagicwedding that they wish was legal while we never ever even wanted to become legally married but OH WAIT, there’s no day but today”
    like uhm, couldn’t they have gotten married the next day or something? so rude!

    if someone did the same thing to me I sure as hell would mind. come on… it’s not even a big thing for them.

    • Word. You seem cool. Let’s run down to city hall for funsies and get marr… OH WAIT.

  22. Pingback: Grey’s Anatomy’s Lesbian Wedding: A Night of Love and Rage |

  23. I’m a huge fan of Grey’s I thought the contrast in weddings just showed how much people take these things for granted. this was a statement, people who don’t even really want to get married can, and people like C/A have to have ceremonies with no legal validity. Showing the family struggle on one side and apparent indifference on the other just highlights to other people how much this sucks, it was a bittersweet episode, I dig it, whatevs.

  24. Never watched the show before, but it came up on my minifeed for Hulu. Ah, Hulu.

    I find doctor shows annoying, and what I saw of the non-lesbian parts were… yes, totally as annoying as expected.

    The weirdest part of the episode was without doubt the switching back and forth for the two marriages. I didn’t get why the straight people skipped out, and I could tell the show was trying to make a statement without .. like you said, actually *feeling* anything particularly. I think they did a bad job framing it – maybe they weren’t sure what kind of statement they were trying to make. Maybe they just wanted to make a statement. Who knows.

  25. I have so many feelings about this and most of them are ANGRYYY! I’ve already ranted a bit about this on my Twitter but basically this was so terrible.

    And I’m still mad at the writers for the whole car crash thing (and the Mark impregnating Callie while she and Arizona were broken up thing). Unnecessary since they resolved it and everyone was fine and healed within like 2 episodes. How non-dramatic!

    All of this wedding drama and NOT A SINGLE CHARACTER remembered that she had already gotten married– TO GEORGE! On a whim! In Vegas! No one seemed to remember their dead friend George and that’s just BONKERS to me. It’s like Dana Fairbanks all over again.

    And then the Mer/Der “wedding.” I get the juxtaposition but it came off the total opposite of what they were intending. Instead of watching those scenes and thinking to myself, “wow this is the crux of the thing, isn’t it?” I was actually just really mad at Mer/Der for missing their friends’ gay wedding so that they could easily waltz into a courthouse and get their relationship legally recognized so they could adopt a baby (and we already know Mer was “secretly” jealous of Callie for having a baby when she couldn’t anyway so that adds an extra jerk level to the whole situation). And all of this… on a whim! I mean, it’s already ridiculous to think that Callie and Arizona were able to plan an entire wedding in such a short time but whatever, it’s tv.

    So yeah, um. I have a lot of feelings — AS PER USUAL — about something dumb that Grey’s Anatomy did.

    Just bring back Addison… full-time. Private Practice is stupid and the best part of the past several episodes was her coming back to help save Callie and bitching out that new girl.

    • Oh, thank god I’m not the only one tipping about this wedding. I wanted to be happy for Calzona but I just couldn’t because this marriage is a farce. I felt Arizona proposed to Callie as a way to claim her so to speak since they’ve spent a good majority of the season arguing about shit, mainly Mark. These two went from breaking out in an airport, to Callie screwing Mark and getting pregnant, to carcrash/proposal in a short amount of episodes. Mark is a constant presence in their relationship. Even well before the pregnancy and even though Arizona has expressed that she doesn’t like it, Callie doesn’t seem to care. It seemed like she was getting a clue when she arranged that vacation for them but as soon as they got in the car Callie just couldn’t NOT talk to Mark even though the whole point of the vacation was so Arizona could spend some time with her without him.

      Even the writers don’t seem to get that people don’t like Mark’s constant presence in their relationship. Reading their writer’s blogs make me angrier than watchng the episodes because they seem to think that this modern family threesome storyline is epic and wonderful and that Arizona just needs to get over her issues with Mark. Maybe tha’s why we got Mark telling Arizona in the heat of an argument that if Callie lost the baby he would just screw her again(uh, why do people think Mark is so awesome again?)and an episode or two later she is crying on his shoulder and he’s giving Callie away at her wedding.

      And contrary to popular belief, Mark was in no cute in this episode calling Arizona and Callie’s dad’s “father in law” and once again inserting himself into this wedding. This was not about him and yet he had to be in every Callie and Arizona scene yet again, just like he has all season.

      Callie and Arizona have in no way worked out their issues in regards to all this so the wedding just seemed like putting a bandaid over a bullet wound IMO thus I just couldn’t get all exciting about this big lesbian wedding the show was hyping. Knowing the writers, I’m sure their will be even more wacky Callie, Arizona and Mark parental hijinks in which Mark is in every scene they are in where he gets to prove just how much better he knows Callie than Arizona(like with the baby shower). Arizona will grumble something about Mark always being around and Callie will tell her to get over it like she did when she got pregnant with his baby and Arizona will because she’s a doormat. Yeah, these two are the best lesbian couple ever.

      • Ahhh-greeeeeed. I loved Mark when was with Lexi, but now he is just the most insensitive self-absorbed asshole. Oh, I’m the FATHER of the baby!! Oh, I have TWO baby-mommas! Oh, MY last name gets tacked in the middle between the two legitimate parents’ for the baby! Did anyone else pick up on that?? Sofia Robbins SLOAN Torres? Like, fuck, even legally that asshole is between the two moms.

        I think the GA writers really, really fucked things up by legitimizing Mark’s incessant meddling for a lesbian/bisexual relationship. Ugh. I was hoping The Colonel would deck him during dinner, honestly.

    • Yeah I think the problem with the wedding back-and-forth was that the action of missing their friends wedding to go do something else overshadowed any potential political implications.

      It could’ve been better, though also sort of cliche, if, say, Derek & Meredith were out of town at some sort of medical convention or outreach or something, and therefore weren’t expected at the wedding and had always been unable to make it — and then they found this baby and decided to go get married that very same day so they could adopt it. Then the ease of their ceremony — done out of town, with no relatives — would’ve been a direct contrast to how much work callie & arizona put into theirs which isn’t legally meaningful.

      But by having them do this literally instead of attending the Calizona wedding? I just ended up thinking they were giant ignorant assholes. It was a dick move. And honestly I don’t think, as much as those characters annoy me, they would ever actually do that. I mean it’s just so fucking mean.

    • Thank you sooo much for mentioning that Callie already has been married—to George! It IS like the show totally forgot, and apparently Bailey forgot all about it in her speech. As much as I love Bailey speecifying, it was annoying that it was not even remotely mentioned in the episode.

      Also, what about the domestic partnership papers? Why show a “cold legal process” juxtaposed with C/A wedding when we’ve already been told in another episode that signing the domestic partnership papers is basically EXACTLY like what MerDer did. It’s confusing. What exactly was the writer trying to say?

      I’m all for a lesbian wedding. I’m all for C/A getting married but this relationship has been anything but a good relationship on TV for FOREVER. Stacy McKee (the writer of this episode) referred to the C/A relationship as a fairy tale this season and unless she’s been smoking something really good, I have no idea what she’s been watching because their relationship has been pretty nightmarish. I’ve never seen a man so entrenched in a lesbian relationship in my life (and I’m old enough to have seen many lesbian relationships). I don’t know why ABC, or Shonda thinks its a “good thing” or how this “helps” the LGBT community, but I for one, wish she would show this couple more respect.

  26. Thank you, Riese! I was so irritated that nobody mentioned Ref 71! It was like…sure, your heart makes your wedding real. You know what makes it realer? Washington State law!! It doesn’t make it “marriage,” but still. It’s literally more than two girls playing dress up.

  27. Thanks, Riese. This is 100 times better than trying to struggle through an episode.

  28. One last thing:

    Riese, your various names of Meredith made me laugh so hard. Thank you for your genius.

  29. Yang is the ultimate feminist! I do not understand why you don’t like her. And yes, that montage is infuriating.

  30. It’s not really fair to watch one episode and start complaining about the whole thing. Shonda has been really fair with the gay characters. Not only with Callie and Arizona but also including other gay couples in the show. No lesbian representation is ever going to be perfect because we’re all different and no show can include everyone but this was definitely a step in the right direction. And as to Meridith and Derick, the point wasn’t that they got married for no reason. They got married on a post-it because they didn’t feel like they needed the law to legitimize their marriage just like Callie and Arizona. So Shonda had already established the whole you don’t to sign papers to be married thesis a lot earlier so it’s not just a “lesbian” thing.

    • I have watched Grey’s since the first episode aired and I wish I could say that the portrayal of Callie and Arizona has been great, but although it hasn’t been bad, it hasn’t been great either. They are a “couple” that is treated differently than all other couples in every respect (from their physical intimacy to their emotional intimacy). Shonda has repeatedly said that she sees them like MerDer, but Shonda would have never made MerDer a permanent threesome with Finn or Rose’s baby. Even with Meredith’s close relationship with Cristina, you always feel that MerDer are a couple. Even when MerDer were with other people, you always felt that MFEO quality. That hasn’t existed with C/A pretty much all season. We keep getting told that it’s there, with very little “showing” it on screen. Even in this episode about C/A coming together to form a union, we see them getting their emotional needs met by other people ( as usual). That’s not couple behavior, and that’s not how the other couples on the show are treated. They are allowed to be intimate in every way.

      Until Callie flew through a windshield, she was still placing Mark’s needs above Arizona’s. We’ve seen Arizona accept yet again that her relationship is a threesome with Mark as “the man” of the family (especially since he was sitting at the head of the dinner table like he was the head of the household), who saves the wedding by (a) getting Bailey to talk to Callie, (b) “being there” for Arizona so she could get to her wedding on time, and (c) being the father figure and walking Callie down the aisle. In every turn, the message is that these women apparently can’t function with out him. They can’t procreate without him (because G-d forbid two women on network TV decide to have a child without a man), and apparently couldn’t get married without him either. We are repeatedly being told that these women need a man. That’s not the best message to send about the strength and independence of a lesbian couple.

      • I agree, but I think Arizona’s frustrations have been well-placed. It’s pretty much saying that a Bisexual woman can’t be happy with only one partner, so it’s like the most warped fairy-tale “bi” relationship (which Arizona actually throws in Callie’s face) where the girl gets her guy-fixings from her best friend but still has a lesbian partner. Talk about bi-erasure to the extreme.

  31. “Instead of viewing any more episodes, ever, I did that thing we’ve all done at three AM: The YouTube Lesbian Storyline Ritual! The YTLSR requires lighting a sacrificial joint, finding a megafan’s YouTube channel, and subsequently watching only the lesbian scenes until someone dies or you fall asleep.”


  32. I don’t watch this show and I never have, but yeesh. That long sleeve dress is hideous. Like “Hi. I’m slightly chubby. Let’s make this very obvious and wear a hideous dress that makes my chubbiness even more obvious. Okay? Yes.”


  33. I started to watch this episode Friday night. I was looking forward to some gay wedding, to fantasize about my own wedding… le de da.

    Cut to the scene with Callie’s mom telling her it is not real, she is going to hell and walking out.

    I started SOBBING.

    This cut too close to home. This is what I fear my mom will say on my wedding day.

    As a baby lesbian, I want wedding role models. ABC failed me.

    Thank you for writing this article.

  34. i thought i was the only person who still watched greys anatomy despite how terrible it’s been lately.

  35. Riese- funny recap, thanks! It made me long for the L Word recap days when you had me rolling on the floor.
    Maybe you remember Patrick Dempsey aka McDreamy hungover face from Once And Again? He played the mom’s brother who had schizophrenia. He fit that role a lot better than in Grey’s Anatomy I think.

  36. Sloan ruins it, its like he is supposed to cut off part of the relationship putting himself between the baby..

  37. So, just for clarification… Everything but Marriage in Washington was Senate Bill 5688, and Referendum 71 was started to try and overturn it, but Washington voters voted 53% yes to confirm SB 5688.
    I know WA has a totally messed up initiative/referendum system, and voters were super confused by what yes and no votes meant for the bill, but props to Governor Gregoire for waiting until the last possible day to sign the bill just so that opponents of it would have less time to gather signatures to put Ref. 71 on the ballot.

  38. Okay listen here all you grey’s anatomy haters. I am a dedicated fan and your hurtful words about the only show that I bow down before are stabbing to my heart. Just because they had a weak couple of episodes doesn’t mean that it sucks. And why should Yang’s character change, every character always changes throughout shows, I’m happy that for once, one fcking character actually is the same. People don’t actually change..thats a joke.
    And I know the L word has had many wicked weak episodes as well, but you lezzies are all still gun-ho(yeah I said it) for that show! Coming from a fellow “lebanese” (thanks glee’s britt)…just because grey’s anatomy is not solely based around lesbianism does NOT mean that we should let it slip out of our lives.
    And on the topic of everyone being all “well i wish they would have said something about how gay marriages should be legal blahh”
    Well see heres the unfortunate thing about this situation, they did the best they could via Bailey’s speech, but if they were to literally come out and state that it should be legal, a whole bunch of shit would be stirred up…and their ratings would potentially fall due to peoples opposing views and some other dumb shit. For a show that is watched by millions, to state something so one sided causes more shit than not..they did the best they could. I commend them.
    But Meredeth and Derek are both bitches for skipping our lovely gay wedding to get legally married..damn straight heart.

    okay I’m done…promise. :)

  39. Well you’ve all done a sterling job of over-analyzing the show. At the end of the day, it’s not real life. Either way, I enjoyed the episode right the way through. Not that it matters how happy they all are, since Meredith is about to be ejected from her happy smiley place back to the land of dark and twisty due to Alex snitching.

  40. so i know that greys anatomy “sucks” lately and that they have a bad past with gay actors/gay plotlines and that they hetero-ify a lot of calzonas interactions etc etc etc but I DONT EVEN CARE because me and my mom watch greys obsessively every week. and even when we dont live together, even when we dont live in the same province, we still phone and text while watching it to freak out about it. infact, my mom said “omg” in a text for the first time when callie and arizona were in that car accident.

    anyways, when we were watching this episode my mom cried when callies mom said those things, and she cried because she thought it was so wrong and she was so upset. and then she cried again during the wedding, and they were happy/sentimental/mushy tears.
    so yeah, merideth and mcdreamy getting married WHILE calzona were getting married bugged me, and a lot of other stuff bugged me….. but my mom cried joy tears while watching a silly lesbian white wedding on tv. and that makes ME feel really happy, and really lucky that she is my mom.

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