Grey’s Anatomy Episode 1105 Recap: Is This The End of Calzona?

Camaradas, welcome. We’ve got some serious business to attend to. But first, about last week, I swear I didn’t mean to stand you up but nothing gay happened on Grey’s. All of the gay happened on How to Get Away with Murder.

But this week, holy Melissa Etheridge, we got seconds, thirds, and fourths of the mess that is Callie and Arizona’s relationship.

The episode opens with flashing images of Callie and Arizona from seasons past. They’re shrouded in soft golden light. This is how they prepare us for incoming doom.

We are thrust into the middle of a Calzona therapy session.

Welcome to hell, b*tches.

Welcome to hell, b*tches.

Callie’s wearing her best faux-cyborg-femme ensemble, all black and sparkly, with an updo made of steel. Arizona, all dressed up for a Carnival Cruise, is on the defense. They’re both standing which is the ultimate sign of a very difficult processing session.

Baby-obsessed Callie is foaming at the mouth and I think near her taint, as well.

My up do will cut you.

Do you know what it’s like to be foaming at the taint? Do you?!

She is furious with Arizona for letting the neonatal fellowship take precedence over baby-making. Arizona argues that her career is like mega important so accepting the fellowship was a no-brainer. Duh, babe.

Callie is a magic 8-ball, y’all. In this argument, she infers Arizona’s intentions through observing her behavior. Instead of listening to what Arizona is actually telling her, Callie tells Arizona all about herself.

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It’s because I’m not adding items to our Aden + Anais baby wish list, right?

Callie is convinced that Arizona hates children, doesn’t want to have any more babies, and probably wishes she could send Sofia to baby boarding school.

P.S. Where the hell is Sofia?

Career v. Family. Fellowship v. Baby. Callie v. Arizona. Ding, ding, ding.

If this is what couples therapy is like, I’m going to need all of you involved in it to start selling tickets because the scandalous abuela in me would sit courtside, eat popcorn, and watch the hell out of you and your boo going through it.

Freak-Out Callie is in red-alert, the end is upon us mode and interrupts Arizona at every turn. Finally, their therapist, who is the lovechild of Judge Judy and Teresa Guidice, intervenes and asks Arizona to finish her thought. They all share looks filled with bitterness and exhaustion. I’m already tired.

Couples therapist by day. Linda Belcher by night.

Couples therapist by day. Linda Belcher at night.


 

Cut to Arizona elbows deep inside of a human being performing surgery with Dr. Dottie Hinson. It’s a C-section and probably some other stuff that has to do with blood and almost dying. Arizona hands the baby to Dr. Karev who’s head of pediatrics now and instead of focusing her attention back to the mother, she lingers on the baby for a bit too long.

Dr. Geena Davis, Jr. stomps Arizona with her eyes and reminds her that the mother is her patient, not the baby. Fuck that baby.

Oh you think it's funny, then you don't know me, money.

Oh, you think it’s funny? Then you don’t know me, money.

Flashback time! Remember when Arizona & Callie were fun, muy sexy, and super in love? Shit, remember when they were at least, likable? No, well here’s a montage of scenes to remind us all why we should give any damns about their relationship.


 

And that will bring us back to their therapy session. It’s dark and hell is hot, y’all. Arizona, glowing, gorgeous, fresh from a horse ride on her favorite nag, shares a few of her favorite things about Callie.

I like when you let me mix the Cap'n Crunch with the Fruit Loops. Like I love that actually.

I like when you let me mix the Cap’n Crunch with the Fruit Loops. Like I love that actually.

Callie, mi amor, a poem by Arizona Robbins.

I love when you talk to a patient and it’s like they’re the only person in the whole world.

I love…You bite your lip just a teeny bit, it’s barely noticeable, when you study scans and I find it really sexy.

I love when you do the voices to Sofia at night and you make her laugh and I could listen to that sound all day for the rest of my life.

Fin

Work and motherhood. Arizona loves Callie because of things she notices at work and in moments Callie has with their baby. While this is great, I feel like it also screams of how badly they need to go on a date.

Wait, so, you're the one mixing the Cap n Crunch with the Fruit Loops?

Wait, so, you’re the one mixing the Cap’n Crunch with the Fruit Loops?

Callie once again interrupts Arizona, not just with her words but with her onslaught of never-ending tears. She’d win an Olympic gold medal in weeping if that was a thing you could compete in. Why doesn’t Arizona whisper these sweet nothings into her muffin when they’re not in therapy? Callie needs to know.

And Arizona says: I would but damn if you don’t interrupt me every gotdamn time I try to speak.

Bloop.

If these walls could talk...

If these walls could talk… to…

Callie’s stunned. Finally, Arizona’s words have sunk into Callie’s consciousness and she’s heard all about herself. It’s too late to turn back. Arizona, unleashed, insists that Callie is always trying to speak for her.

Their therapist jumps in but it’s almost too late. Arizona has broken two of the Ten Processing Commandments.

III. Thou shalt use ‘I’ statements.

IV. Thou shalt not make blame-based statements.

Arizona starts over using the least antagonistic language possible.

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I’m not your hero but that doesn’t mean we’re not one and the same.

Callie pounces, relentless, the Queen of Interruption Island. A new baby is more important than anything else in the whole wide universe. And when your wife tells you that you’re always interrupting her, the best way to respect her honesty and vulnerability is to continue interrupting the shit out of her for the remainder of your very expensive therapy session.

Deep breaths.


 

Flash to Callie and Arizona in surgery with Meredith and the ever foxy Dr. Wilson. Instead of Calzona speaking to each other like surgeons, they’re speaking to each other using passive agressive therapy speak. Callie makes a change in her surgery plan. Arizona suggests they stick to the plan. Something about primary arteries and interpositional grafts and more blood and dying. Their exchange is so awkward. They’re at work. Sniping. Ay, so unprofessional and annoying. I would hate them so much if we were doctoring people together.

All in together now. How you like the weather now? January, February, March...

Where my girls, at? From front to back, if you’re feeling that, throw one hand up.

Flashback to the plane crash when Arizona lost her leg and more of their fights from back in the day.

I’m on my second Sam Adams Oktoberfest, btw.


 

Back in the never-ending nightmare that is their couples’ therapy sesh, Arizona wails, “It’s not about the leg. It was never about the leg.”

And then we dive into Arizona’s Adventures in Africa and are reminded of Callie leaving her there and Callie being pregnant upon her return with McSexy’s baby. Callie takes a Zack Morris time-out and explains to their therapist that she’s bisexual which means that sometimes she slept with dudes and it’s a thing that freaks Arizona out.

I know what bisexual means, ty vm.

I know what bisexual means, ty vm.

Obviously this really means that Arizona never wanted to have a family with Callie and probs hates Callie for making sex with a man and getting knocked up. The best way to handle arguments with your partner is to assume the worst of them.

And then Arizona goes from chill Spliff Queen to flipping the table and going all Prostitution Whore! in like 3.5 seconds.

It’s great actually. Arizona shouts at Callie and tells her to never imply that she doesn’t love their child. This is the first time this season that Arizona has defended her love of Sofia and made her a top priority. Angry Arizona is so fucking hot, btw. I’m gonna need her to come over to my crib.

With Callie calling all of the shots, especially the ones having to do with making babies, Arizona never gets to make any decisions so that’s why she chose the fellowship.

But can I live?

But can I live?

Arizona to Callie: You make me feel like the most selfish person in the whole world.

Unaffected, like an angry stone gargoyle, Callie drops the C-bomb. As in, #Neverforget that you cheated on me and that’s all I ever needed to know about your decision making skills. Callie then takes a bite out of Arizona’s still beating heart and spits it in her face. She grabs her Professional Bisexual leather jacket and threatens to leave.


 

Cut to Dr. Ginger Spice, Dr. SexyBrain McPrettyEyes, and Callie arguing. So much fun in this episode, btw, holy shit, all of the fun!!!! Callie says the word ‘stupid’ one hundred times and Dr. SexyBrain McPretty Eyes storms out to get his edges done.

More fighting, and then Dr. Hunt comforts Callie and I want to barf but I don’t because in this moment we’re not in therapy with them anymore and all is ok.

So when you say you don't want me involved in a 3way with you and Arizona, do you mean like No, No, or no maybe yes definitely?

I think I’d like some soup and then maybe I should get a dog. Why am I still here?


 

Back to my favorite podcast, “Bringing Up All The Old Shit,” starring Calzona! In Callie World, she’s the benevolent queen who has done everything for Arizona like taking back her cheating ass and not leaving after the plane crash made her an amputee. Cuz that’s what makes someone a saint.

Wedding Day flashback time!

Meet me at the altar in your white dress. We ain't getting no younger girl. We might as well do it.

Meet me at the altar in your white dress. We ain’t getting no younger girl. We might as well do it.

Everything they’ve done has all been in the name of love and duty. But they’re so resentful, they don’t do what people need to do to keep love vibrant and beating and intentional.

All the ups and downs, car crashes, plane crashes, flash on the screen over their argument. Let’s play the Blame Game, I hate you, more. Let’s play the Blame Game for sure. Finally their therapist offers all of us a way out of this recurring nightmare:

They should take a break.

Holy fucking shit, what a novel idea!

Rules and Conditions of the break:

+30 days

+No talking

+No touching/intimacy

+Share child-rearing duties

+No seeing other people

So you're sure you don't want to just have another baby instead?

So you’re sure you don’t want to just have another baby instead?

A break is not an end. Obvs Callies freaks out and hates it and Arizona’s eyes glimmer with hope over the prospect of getting time for her morning blunt. This all takes place during the first six minutes of this episode.

I need a massage.

Callie believes that this whole thing must be a set up. And drops one of her best lines ever:

This feels like a joke or a reality show, The Real Lesbian Housewives MD of Seattle.

That line killed at the Dinah.

That line killed at the Dinah.

Arizona doesn’t laugh ‘cause she’s not blazed. Commence Callie and Arizona moving into other rooms in the house, determined to not share space while sharing a house and a child.

Boundaries are vital.


 

Day One

Callie straight up breaks the rules. I was screaming at her through the teevee but she didn’t hear me, y’all. She tried to chat up Arizona about Sofia, their imaginary child and she tells Arizona she couldn’t sleep. Callie, gurl, stop. Oh my God, it’s one day. Put on a podcast, take a long shower. It’s okay not to speak to Arizona, jeez. Ay, but she breaks the rules and Arizona doesn’t crack.

Are you there, God?

So is that a ‘No’ to the sandwich? Cuz like, you’re already making a sandwich, so it wouldn’t be that big a deal to make one for me, right?

Arizona is committed to these boundaries. She is a champion of boundaries.


 

Back at Grey-Sloan Memorial, Callie’s chatting up a patient with a fractured arm. She can’t stop talking y’all. It’s a thing. Due to the severity of her injuries, Callie’s gonna have to add screws and plates and some solar panels to fix it up.

Arizona and Dr. Karev talk to parents about putting their baby in a medically-induced coma so that they can perform a procedure that will stretch the baby’s esophagus. The parents are less than excited. Dr. Karev wants to try a different procedure but Arizona won’t let him. It’s all a big metaphor for her not being able to move on or let go and who really cares about this part? Not me.

No, I was not at all smoking marijuana with my friend's cousin.

No, I was not at all smoking marijuana with my friend’s cousin.

Arizona’s chit chat with Karev makes her late for rounds with Dr. Geena Davis, Jr. So of course that means that Dr. Geena Davis, Jr. has to pull hard on Arizona’s choke chain to keep her in line. We then learn all about Fetal Aortic Valvuloplasty in which a giant needle  is poked into the uterus from outside of the body and into a baby’s heart. Fucking terrifying.

Arizona, Dr. Suck Up, and Dr. Dottie Hinson are in the OR. They’re sticking needles into pregnant ladies and poppin’ bottles of Rosé. Arizona swears she’s got this. She’s kinda like me when I took AP Spanish. I thought I knew everything until my teacher whipped out the subjunctive. And that’s what Dr. Geena Davis does: she whips out that subjunctive and puts a pause in Arizona’s cockiness.

Si fuera tu pararía de fumar la mota.

Si fuera tu pararía de fumar la mota.

And now its Arizona’s turn to break the rules. She sends Dr. My Man Took Me To A Wedding And Dumped Me For The Bride Edwards to tell Callie that they need to switch Sofia’s child care schedule. But it’s whatevs because Sofia lives in the land of make-believe. Callie morphs into Ursula the sea witch, sings an a capella version of Poor Unfortunate Souls and sends Arizona a message of hate from their imaginary baby.

This severe french braid is almost as badass as that updo I had going for me in the beginning of this episode.

This severe french braid is almost as badass as that updo I had going for me in the beginning of this episode.

Message from Callie on behalf of Sofia to Arizona: Sofia needs you to tuck her in so stop being a basic ass B and get your schedule together.

Callie and Meredith share a moment over a tumor in someone’s leg. Those moments are the ones worth cherishing forever.


 

Back at their no-love shack, Callie tucks in Sofia The Friendly Ghost, from the hallway. Hearing sounds of joy, laughter, and happiness, Callie decides to investigate because if she’s not in a good place, no one is allowed to be in a good place.

Jello moulds and homework. Jello moulds and homework. We were totally not about to make-out.

Jell-o molds and homework. Jell-o molds and homework. We were totally not about to make-out.

Kepner, who is just adorable and bubbly and perfect, is helping Arizona make Jell-o molds. I don’t think there could be a cuter friend date in the world, btw. If death stares could bring about actual death, Kepner and Arizona would be puffs of smoke and ash. Callie hates fun and hates not being able to talk to Arizona, so all this jell-o business brings out her bitch face. Cue the death metal soundtrack this scene so desperately needs.

Momma needs her Moscato.

Momma needs her Moscato.

Callie grabs the wine bottle, swings and exits. This is how I like to leave awkward situations too.

I’ve never been more grateful for a commercial break.


 

Day Ten

Arizona wins a Gold medal in baby-flipping and Dr. Dottie Hinson removes the choke chains from her neck. She gets first dibs on the next surgery and damn, it’s nice to see her smile.

Cut to Callie’s patient. She’s experiencing shooting pains in her arm. Everything is working fine. The arm gets wifi and the solar panels are absorbing all the energy but something’s up but Callie can’t figure out where her pain is coming from.

Don’t you dare fucking mock me, bedpans.

Embarrassed, Callie runs from the patient into a supply closet. She knocks over some bed pans because she aren’t any vases for her to throw and there’s no one around to slap.  Meredith pops out, puts away her bottle of Jack, and asks Callie if she’s alright. Obvs she’s not alright, Mere.

Callie takes this opportunity to talk and to guilt Meredith into being more compassionate. Chugging straight from the bottle, Meredith tells Callie to lighten up because everyone has problems. You ain’t special. They decide to leave work and go to Señor Frogs where they take body shots off each other and bitch about being Unhappily Married with Children.

So this is what smiling feels like.

So this is what smiling feels like.

We are then gifted with Callie’s best scene and dialogue ever. Forget what I said before; this is the best:

Calliope Torres on Bisexuality in the LGBTQ Community:

There’s a B in there and it doesn’t mean Badass. Okay, it does a little, and it also means Bi.

Clink – Another body shot.

 Meredith admits that Christina was the third rail: dangerous and necessary. She kept Mere going and understood her but now she’s gone. They had the following exchange:

Screenshot 2014-10-25 22.50.21

Yo, falling in love is way more complicated than getting excited about somebody’s vagina.

Their exchange about love is hella basic but since taking on gender and sex and anything more complicated than a shot is too much for them, it’s the best way Callie is able to say, “No, Meredith, you’re not a secret lesbo.” However, their Ode to Vaginas song is perfect. Let’s sing it the next time we’re on top of Mt. Feelings, kay?

Callie stumbles. How is she not projectile vomiting from all those damn shots of tequila? Jesus Christ!

Warning! Warning! Don’t go into your wife’s bedroom when you’re on a break and you’ve been taking tequila shots all night.

But there she goes. And hot damn Arizona is gorgeous; her skin glows. She’s got that sweet, hot wife thing going. She’s your friend’s smoking hot wife who bakes cookies and sends you a card on your birthday. DAMB. AY. Callie plops onto Arizona’s bed. She’s a lost, lovesick drunk, puppy dog. God, pull out my heart. Finally, Callie isn’t complaining. She is still quiet. She says more in her eyes and in her silence than in all the yelling and complaining she’s done this entire season.

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They kiss. They pull apart.

These wives are not alright.

Flashback to when they were younger and in the easy beginning stages of love, the sneaky make-out sessions, that time one of them purchased a corny neglige but it was hot wearing it anyway.


 

Back to Step Up: Therapy Revolution. Calzona confesses their sins of the flesh to their therapist. Both of them swear it was NBD. Arizona wishes they hadn’t stopped. They broke the rules so they must start over. They objet but then their therapist slips off her chancla and shakes it at them. Terrified, they agree.

GA110500156

I don’t like your tone.


 

Back to Day One

Arizona, intent on smothering someone in the name of denying that she has any problems. Won’t leave Dr. Karev alone in the NICU. Her criticism and hovering distracts Karev and causes him to snap a wire connected to a baby. Like this is one of the wires stretching the baby’s esophagus and then it’s gone and they have to start the process over. The parents blame Arizona. Karev puts Arizona in her place, not that I enjoy watching some dude tell a woman anything but Arizona hasn’t given him the space to think. Sometimes, someones gotta tell you off.


 

Day 16

Callie and Meredith are yukking it up over a bloody leg in the OR. They use code words like mature adults to talk about inappropriate things like sex at work.

If I have to tell you one more time that bisexuality is real...

If I have to tell you one more time that bisexuality is real…

Anybody want a cheeseburger? And by “cheeseburger,” I mean “the sex.” Meredith points a crooked finger at Callies and says, “Imagine how good that cheeseburger’s gonna taste when your diet’s done.”

Please don’t ever connect cheeseburgers to sex. Ground beef is gross like especially compared to other delicious things that we can put in our mouths.

Other foods:

+Macarons

+Empanadas de queso

+Strawberries

+Anything besides cheeseburgers

In 30 days the spell will be broken and all will be well…


 

Back to their patient with the bloody leg. They cleared out his tumor but removed his hip. His girlfriend is pissed ‘cause like people need hips, you know? Meredith assures her that it will be fine. Then she turns to Callie and says, “Hey New Christina, let’s go get cheeseburgers and by ‘cheeseburgers,’ I mean cooked animal flesh with dairy products on top and not sex.”

Shots before beer, we're in the clear.

Shots before beer, we’re in the clear.

The burger arrives with a pickle on the side. Callie has a flash of genius. To save their patient, they’ll just cut a pickle in half and connect his hip to it.

Fucking pickles, right?

Fucking pickles, right?

Arizona wanders around, alone, lost and confused and probably paranoid in their home and realizes that Callie didn’t come home. Arizona peeks into her room to verify. She tells their therapist that they broke the rules. Not by eating cheeseburgers, but by speaking to each other. Arizona thought Callie might have been nibbling on someone’s else’s cheeseburger or dead. So she made Callie talk to her at work.

But like you never even liked pickles before, and now you want me to believe that you spent the night dealing with pickles? Just tell me her name, Callie, dammit.

But like you never even liked pickles before, and now you want me to believe that you spent the night dealing with pickles? Just tell me her name, Callie, dammit.

Once again, Sofia is used as an excuse for one of their communication issues. If this is why people have kids – to use their existence as a tool of manipulation – then everyone needs to stop right now. Bad parents, bad. Just say you were buggin’ out and jealous and scared. Just say that. Leave your imaginary kid out of it. Arizona admits to checking the hospital records to see if Callie was at work. I mean if my baby momma went missing, I’d look too but still… Callie admits that her and Meredith went out carousing but then went back to the hospital to slice pickles.

And now Callie is alone with their therapist geeking over how jealous Arizona was. I feel you, Callie, but mama, this isn’t the attention you need. I can love you better than she can.

Maybe the break is working. Even though they’ve set fire to the rules and eaten all the cheeseburgers, maybe the break is saving their marriage ‘cause jealousy = solid love forever, right?

Did I ever tell you about the time pickles saved my life?

Did I ever tell you about the time pickles saved my life?


 

Day 29

Meredith and Callie are the stars of surgery theatre. The house is packed. their chemistry is electric. Blood and bones never felt so majestic.

Callie is called to the ER. Her patient with the pains in her arm crashed into a tree because she wants to die. In swoops Dr. Derek Shepherd to save Callie. Literally in like every episode this season, Dr. Callie has been saved by a man. What’s good, Grey’s? Finally, she gets to solve one problem but just as she’s about to parallel park all by herself, some man pops up out of nowhere and starts using hand signals to guide her in.

Ay, at least they’re going to save the lady from hitting more trees with her car.

Arizona, back from her jealousy trip, walks up to Dr. Geena Davis and Dr. I’m Derek’s Sister Shepherd thinking she’s down. But she’s not allowed to sit with the Puffs. Instead Dr. Geena Davis sends her off to watch Earth Girls are Easy over and over again until she realizes what she did wrong. Never try to be down with someone else’s clique.

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Before she leaves, Dr. G.D. sets up an assist and if Arizona does not make the shot, she’s also going to be forced to watch Transylvania 6-5000. Hope those jell-o molds prepared you. Arizona is dismissed.

Derek and Callie are in the OR burning nerve endings in their patient’s spine. Callie feels guilty. Derek tells her it’s not her fault. There’s no way she could have known about the damage in the spine. Just like in her marriage, Callie’s doing the best she can.


And then it’s just Callie and Arizona at home.

GA110500208

That Ace of Base song is still stuck in my head.

They’re both drinking wine. Arizona studies her jell-o molds. Callie stalks her from behind. The tension is thick. Arizona’s neck is sore. This is literally the oldest sex setup on record. “Baby, my neck hurts. Could you rub it for me?” I’ll rub it for you. Callie slides her hands over Arizona’s shoulders. Shit, I felt it. They haven’t touched in 29 days. At first, I was upset with Callie for breaking the rules again but watching it the second time made me more sympathetic. Like damn, yes, touch each other. Maybe if you’d massaged each other more things wouldn’t be so very effed.

Finally: cheeseburger time. But we don’t get even a shred of lettuce or tomato.

GA110500210

They smooch on the bed in the dark and then the scene is over.  You’ve put us through all this and we don’t get to see any soft lady bits? Bastards.


 

Recovering from a night of sexcapades, an exhausted Arizona gets pulled off Dr. Geena Davis’s surgery. She wasn’t ready, y’all. Post surgery: Dr. Dottie Hinson pulls Arizona into an on-call room for a good old fashioned flogging. There are only five fetal surgeons west of the Mississippi River and if Arizona doesn’t get her shit together, she won’t be the sixth.

GA110500218

Now I’ll never be a teen model.

Arizona has one last chance and she’s off to buy more jell-o and wine. She might not be the chosen one.


 

Day 30 – Mere and Callie might become official beer’n’burger buds.

Now back to Nightmare on Couple’s Therapy Street. What have the duelin’ dykes learned in 30 days of rule breaking?

Arizona: I love you, Calliope. I love you. Life without you terrifies me… I need my anchor. I need you. You’re the only thing I will ever need.

GA110500240

Hooked on Phonics worked for me!

 Callie. Crying like she’s at a wake. This isn’t gonna end we… Damn.

Someone please hand her an Emmy for Best Tears on a TV Drama.

Someone please hand her an Emmy for Best Tears on a TV Drama.

30 days gave Callie the distance to she how she’d lost herself in their relationship. Callie’s tears don’t stop. Can’t stop.

Callie: I finally felt free and by being free, I feel I can see now that constantly trying to fix us is the thing that’s been killing me slowly and I don’t want to do it any more and maybe instead of loving you so hard, I should try loving myself for a while.

Callie La Mega Badass Bisexual Babe cries like a glorious angel sent from heaven.

Callie La Mega Badass Bisexual Babe cries like a glorious angel sent from heaven.

And then Callie leaves and that’s it.

GA110500236

 

¡Los suspiros son aire y van al aire!
¡Las lágrimas son agua y van al mar!
Dime, mujer, cuando el amor se olvida
¿Sabes tú adónde va?
(1868, Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer)

How did this episode make you feel? Did you cheer into the night when Callie commanded space and attention for her bisexuality? Were you equally as grossed out by cheeseburgers as a euphemism for sex as I was? Are you glad Callie decided to cut the cord on their relationship? Or did you cry the entire time and still can’t stop shaking? Were you stunned into reverie by how hot Arizona looked this episode? Don’t be afraid or ashamed. We’re here to support you. What did I miss? Let’s talk about the end of Calzona.

Gabrielle Rivera is an awesomely queer Bronx bred, writer, spoken word artist and director. Her short stories and poems have been published in various anthologies such as the Lambda Award winning Portland Queer: Tales from the Rose City and The Best of Panic! En Vivo from the East Village. Her short film "Spanish Girls are Beautiful" follows a group of young Latina and Caucasian girls who like girls as they hook up, smoke up and try to figure sh*t out. She also freelances for Autostraddle.com while working in the film and television industry. Gabrielle is currently working on her first novel while bouncing around NYC performing spoken word and trying to stick it to the man.

gabby has written 102 articles for us.

61 Comments

    • i always cry at things, especially Grey’s stuff but I didn’t shed a tear during this episode. it’s like damn, something had to give. made me think about my own relationship and how careful i gotta be about making sure to include time for all the things that make me happy. otherwise, it becomes all about a shared relationship identity and that turns people into angry calzonas.

  1. I’m not actually mad that they broke up like I thought I would be. Cos this episode really actually made us understand that they’re better apart. I just hope and pray that Callie turns back into Badass Bisexual Babe and dances in her underwear and maybe fucks a hot doctor of colour yknow?

    • Ay yes, can you plz write that episode and bring it to Shonda? I’ll drive and make you some sandwiches bc obviously you’re my soulmate.

      if that’s too much pressure we can also just be frengs.

      • It depends on what’s in the sandwiches tho.

        (Lorde how much do I suddenly want to retrain as a scriptwriter so that I can make sure that Calliope stays rad forever and ever and never has to cry her big doe eyes tears ever again??)

  2. I normally get the Final Decision based on the emotional arch of the episode but this time I didn’t understand why Callie decided on breaking up this time, which is why I didn’t cry, it left me a bit cold?

    I hope they make it in the end tho, if only for all the years I had to endure Yang being with the tiring as hell Owen Hunt.

    • I think Callie finally remembered what it was like to be herself. She was so caught up on being Arizona’s partner and also, never fully taking the time to process what they’d been through for herself, that she got super lost.

      Callie saw herself and what was she was becoming and didn’t like it. So she had to bounce. But what I think and what I hope for, is that they’ll see what elements they need to be happy with themselves and bring those elements into their relationship. like friend date with Kepner? cool, I’ll be out w Mere. See you later. You know? Instead of only existing as a unit.

      • Your explanation makes a lot of sense. I think the problem for me is that the episode itself didn’t make me feel these feelings and that was weird. I’m used to Grey’s making me emotionally caught up with their shit no matter how many times they use the same tricks, it always works, but this time it just… didn’t.

        I do agree that their codependency was a bit too much. It seemed to me like Callie was trying to hug Arizona really hard because of the terrible times they endured and afraid to let go. Once she did, she realized there was more to life than that. I do hope they find each other again somewhere in the middle.

  3. I have a lot of thoughts about this episode.

    It was brilliantly acted by both women and they made sure to hit on all of Calzona’s issues. They also highlighted a glaring problem I have always had with this couple, which is JESUS CHRIST CALLIE, LET ARIZONA GET A WORD IN BEFORE JUDGING HER! Callie was jumping to all sorts of conclusions about Arizona’s character in that therapy session. I was glad Arizona finally went off about how her accusation that she didn’t love Sofia because she came from Mark. I also don’t understand why Callie would sleep with Arizona if she knew she was going to dump her the next day in therapy.

    Honestly, this felt like the definitive end for this couple. This is the most screentime Calzona has probably ever had in one episode. The episode was ALL ABOUT THEM to the point where half the cast wasn’t even in it or played bit parts in Calzona’s drama. I don’t think that has ever happened before. I believe the writers put so much effort into the episode for a reason. And it’s right at the beginning of the season to which means they likely did it so they could move the characters on to other stories.

    As to what is going to happen going forward, I predict that they will likely move Callie on to a new love interest. Most likely male. The writers kept hammering home the point that Callie is bisexual multiple times this episode. A subject that hasn’t come up for a few seasons now.

    I don’t expect Arizona to get too much focus because well Calzona’s storytelling has always been more Callie-focused anyway. Even when Arizona lost her leg we were supposed to sympathize more with how it was effecting Callie and how selfish Arizona was being for not just getting over the amputation and PTSD at a fast enough pace. And this episode also ended on a note that made it seem like Arizona doesn’t have a whole lot going for her in her life. Alex is taking over peds, Callie has left her, and she’s about one strike away from losing out on this current new job. Why do I feel like they are setting up for JCap to leave by the end of the season?

    • I’m with you. I’ll be surprised if Jcap doesn’t leave by end of S11. I think her contract is actually up at the end anyway so it looks like she won’t renew to me… but of course this is Grey’s and anything could happen. I hate the thought of losing out on a great lesbian character that could be developed a lot more.

      I also think Callie will be put with a man – they keep reminding us she is Bi…

      I don’t think that Callie went into the therapy session actually thinking she was going to leave Arizona. I think it came as a surprise to her too. I think Arizona going on about “feeling lost without her” brought on her decision. There is so much co-dependance there.

      The Calzona shipper in me is still kind of devastated and not really looking forward to the rest of the season.

    • Ay, I think it’s time Grey’s sailed off into the sunset, you know? Like, give it a rest.

      I’m with you though about how much effort went in to this episode. Like I don’t think we’ll see Calzona again until at least Christmas.

      If they put Callie with a man, then I hope they bring in a new man cuz all the men on Grey’s are so tired. Like, Owen is like one of those people who complain about always being the bridesmaid and never the bride. Karev and SexyEyes are wifed up. Who’s left? Can we get a hot contractor or something?

      If they put her with a woman, same thing. New blood, plz. Would they be bold enough to add a gender queer character?

      Also, I know Kepner is married to SexyEyes but like, can we ship her and Arizona for a second cuz that wld be both hot and adorable which is my fave.

      Hi, Turkish!

      • Hey, Gabrielle!

        IMO, Grey’s really should have ended a few seasons ago. It’s been on since like 2005 and has lasted longer than it’s own spin-off, Private Practice. They are running out of shit to do which is why we are constantly seeing the longer running couples arguing about the same shit over and over. It’s gotten to the point where they are even giving Mer more long-lost siblings.

        As far as love interests go, there are 5 regular female cast members who are single now. Callie, Arizona, Maggie, Amelia, and Stephanie. And only one single male cast member. They are either going to have to start pairing these women off with each other or bringing on more new male characters to an already bloated cast.

    • Wow finally someone who’ve seen this show like I have. Arizona has always been there for the purpose of Callie and I’ve always found it super annoying, like I have no idea who she is without the Calzona arc. I’m glad they broke up because I would love to know Arizona but as you’ve pointed out, it’s looking like she’ll get the chop. Which really -_- she’s the only lesbian on Grey 🙁 I like Callie (as a doctor) but relationship Callie is emotionally draining to me, I could never date someone like that. I want to see Arizona date other people and have fun!!

  4. Callie said out loud (for the first time, I think) the world “bisexual”(twice!) and my ears didn’t fell off! Nobody’s ears fell off! See, tv shows? You can say it. It’s not that hard.

    As for their break up, I was sad, yes, but I was so tired of seeing them constantly fighting that I think maybe it’s better this way. Hopefully this will bring new (and more interesting) things to the both of them. But I also don’t think this is the end of Calzona.. I predict a reunion by the end of the season.

  5. Obviously this really means that Arizona never wanted to have a family with Callie and probs hates Callie for making sex with a man and getting knocked up. The best way to handle arguments with your partner is to assume the worst of them.

    UGH YES I WANT TO QUOTE EVERYTHING IN THIS RECAP BECAUSE YOU DID A PERFECT JOB. I was ready to come into the comments section being all unpopularly Team Arizona because I know everyone loves Callie but I was surprised that I wasn’t the only one who felt that she was being really uncool. You’re right — even though I am probably more unhealthily attached to Calzona than they are to each other this episode totally showed how they’re better apart, and I’m really sad that this probably means they’re gonna fade Arizona into the background because her character is so important to me and she was perfect this week. I love that the word bisexual was finally said out loud but feel like they keep eliding that Callie didn’t sleep with any man, she slept with Mark. (And more importantly, Mark slept with her. His devastated best friend when she was vulnerable and lonely. Still not over that.)

    On the bright side I think I have finally found my reason to quit Grey’s?

    • My biggest or only concern with the breakup of Calzona is definitely that they will fade Arizona in the background. As I said, the storytelling for that couple has always been Callie focused anyway. We have only ever had a handful of episodes devoted to Arizona that had nothing to do with her relationship to Callie. I don’t want them to forget about her.

      And I always thought the issue with Callie being bisexual wasn’t that Arizona had a problem her with having slept with men in the past but that she slept with Mark specifically. She knew when she met Callie that she had previously been married to George and she got over the knowledge that Callie had once slept with her protege Karev in like two seconds so it wasn’t that. It was Mark. This man was Callie’s best friend and the two of them had a very destructive pattern of sleeping together well before Arizona even said her first words on this show. So Arizona was suspicious of Callie’s relationship with Mark specifically, not all men.

      • Completely agreed! Arizona has been kinda unanchored since well, forever, but probably especially after Teddy left. April and Arizona is weird, but that’s maybe just because I still don’t really understand April.

    • thank you, fikri!

      i’ll quit grey’s if this is the end of calzona. like there are ways to work through this. i also don’t like the idea of ditching a marriage when things aren’t working out.

      and you’re right, in retrospect, Arizona’s weirdness definitely had more to do with Callie’s history w Mark than with her being with a man. Callie’s bad at explaining Arizona tho like all the time.

  6. See my problem is I don’t accept the writers making Arizona be a cheater in the first place, so none of this stuff they’re going through now feels earned or real. Arizona cheating was a hack writer decision, totally out of the blue and out of character. And hey Shonda guess what? Not everyone fucking cheats on their partner after a few years. UGH.

    • YO YES! i never ever liked those cheating story lines. you’re so right, they never fit Arizona’s character. Just like, nagging and being obnoxious doesn’t fit Callie.

      the whole thing can just go to hell.
      jk

  7. Ugh, I was so bored by this episode. Almost as bored as I was by the Owen/Yang endless I want a baby vs What part of “I don’t want kids ever” do you not understand endless loop.

    Speaking of, I got Callie/Owen vibes in the episode with the prosthetic for the wounded soldier so I would not be surprised if they went there. And hey, they both want kids, so.

    At this point I’m keeping my fingers crossed for an Amelia and new Dr Meredith’s sister situation but that may just be because she played a lesbian doctor in that other medical show with Meryl Streep’s daughter so I’m having trouble separating the two characters.

    A girl can dream.

  8. I haven’t watched Grey’s since…umm…well, their wedding? Anyways, my lesbian newsfeed was wailing in angst over the breakup of Calzona, so I read this recap (which was well done!). My takeaway message is assurance that even at our lowest points, I’m in a healthier relationship than Calzona, so that’s good to know.

  9. The Grey-Callie bonding was awesome and I hope that continues over the Hunt-Callie bonding.

    Also the Grey-Callie convo on gayness is so real. As the token biracial bisexual in my very straight white girl friend group I have in fact been asked that question by drunk girls. And I’ve drunkenly asked them similar questions to the same effect of “honey, you’re not gay, sorry”. When you’re drunk, the convo really is that simple.

  10. This episode was REALLY difficult to watch. I cried. It really bothers me, the lack of representation of lesbian relationships that last. When I was younger, my mom always pointed out that they never lasted, lesbian relationships. So I wanted badly for Callie and Arizona to work. I get why they didn’t, but it was still hard.
    It was just hard.

  11. Missed watching this episode and all of Shonda-day cause I was escorting my baby gay friend around Bourbon, where one should never be alone regardless of their alcohol consumption. Kinda glad I missed it cause I don’t think I would have been okay because Callie’s ending speech about “trying to constantly fix” hit me hard.

    Brought me back to a toxic relationship where nothing I did was good enough and the relationship was tied to their identity. And then to the fact I always end up having to assure someone that they’re enough for me. That no I don’t need anything on the side, you are enough, I love you. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only bisexual person who ends up doing that.

    This recap was great, a proper eulogy and wake with laughter and lament but you are wrong about ground beef. Papas rellenas are a gift from la diosa, o if you preferer papas de rellenos.

    Also they are the perfect metaphor for sex. Warm soft skin you embrace, that feels so good in your hands and a hot moist inside your tongue just can’t get enough of. Your mouth just waters thinking about it. You can’t live with out it, can’t understand life before it. You find yourself thinking about it, helpless to do anything about the hunger you feel for at some moment in your day.
    I could have gone a different route. Talked about meat balls, meat sauce and spaghetti, threaten to curse you with the tarantella siciliana playing evermore in your head. It’s more annoying than cajun and ranchero music which I love more than my own children.
    But persuasion often works better than compulsion.

  12. – The gay that happened on How to Get Away with Murder was insane…
    – couples therapy looked a little scary
    – Callie interrupting Arizona all the time was really pissing me off
    – in fact Callie, with her baby obsession and the whole “you never wanted Sofia”, was pissing me off.
    – i would DVR the hell out of The Real Lesbian Housewives MD of Seattle
    – Callie morphing into Ursula the sea witch singing an a capella version of Poor Unfortunate Souls would make my year.
    – I had forgotten that Kepner and Arizona were friends, nice call back TPTB
    – Callie and Meredith at the bar was sensational. We need more of that please
    – Vagina song sing-a-long at next Camp please
    – Damn 8pm move, we didn’t get a sex scene..
    – but anyway I hope this is just temporary and they eventually get back together
    – I knew this recap was gonna be amazing but it went above andbeyond. Great job! But i disagree about ground beef. Cheeseburgers are amazing, cheeseburgers of any kind. Ba-dum-tssss

    • the gay that happened on HTGAWM was so so hot tho.
      and hi, please eat all the cheeseburgers forever. haha.

      have you been to camp yet? did we meet and i not know it was you or WAIT DID WE MEET CUZ I’M REMEMBERING…but maybe it’s all just a big blur of love.

  13. I always thought Calzona was on shaky ground ever since Arizona got back from Africa, and I’m glad it was at least somewhat acknowledged in this episode. Callie was heartbroken and angry that Arizona had left, and when Arizona returned, it was like “If you want me, you have to also want me brand new baby and her father too becuz we’re a package deal”, which I belive is extremely unhealthy. Wther or not Arizona grew to love Sofia is irrelevant.

    Another thing I have an issue with, which our fabolous recapper Gabrielle didn’t mention, is that Arizona already sacrificed one career path (Africa) for her relationship, and it is unfair of Callie to ask her to do it again. Not to mention demanding to have another child when Arizona never wanted any kids in the first place.

    In summary, Arizona gave up on Africa for her relationship, committed to raising a child with Callie despite previously being opposed to the very idea, survived a plane crash, lost her leg, went through hell and back to repair her marrige, finally got on stable ground, wanted to do something for herself, and in the end still told Callie she loved her and wanted to be with her, and Callie has the balls to say she’s tired of trying to fix things like Arizona hasn’t sacrificed anything or suffered through hell? Like Arizona doesn’t have legit griviences, and her biggest problem is as superficial as Callie’s bisexuality?

    Oops, it seems my feels managed to escape in that last part, but in this instance, I’m on team Arizona.

    • Again, as someone who hasn’t actually seen an episode since their wedding, I’m definitely on #TeamArizona for this mix. The issue of having kids is more than enough for a serious problem in a relationship, and I can’t believe anyone would want to badger their partner into having kids (without that being a dealbreaker).

    • I’m 1000% Team Arizona. I think Callie really mishandled the plane crash situation and has always been a little too snotty super rich girl for my tastes, and I think it’s impacted her relationship with Arizona, who has a very different background (not nearly as wealthy, and full of trauma)
      I mean, Callie has her endearing moments, but I still haven’t forgiven her for when she was a dick to Hahn.

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