The point of this gift guide is twofold. On one hand, it’s fun to be a little scary. Maybe you just want that to be a part of your aesthetic or your aura. Maybe you just want to be known as the Creepy Lady at the End of the Block. There are lots of reasons why it’s fun to be seen as weird and kind of scary! On the other hand, maybe you want to come off as scary and intimidating so that men will just leave you the fuck alone. Like, seriously, being a little scary is such a great look, it’s why so many people are into Scorpios and Slytherins. Also, thanks to my friends who I’m scared of, but in a really fun way who inspired this list, y’all are genuinely terrific and I mean that as a compliment.
So You Want to Look Weird
Looking weird is half the battle to seeming creepy and/or scary. You can go the traditional route of wearing a lot of black and blood red, and always having a resting bitch face, but you can also go a little further. For some reason people are really weirded out by teeth? So here’s a great human teeth necklace and also one made with a real human molar. That’s pretty creepy, I love it. If you’re not into teeth, you can accessorize with jewelry made from black wasps, rat leg bones or spiders. Finally, my favorite accessory if you just want to look weird is fake blood. Just put some on your face or splatter it all over your shirt for a nice touch to finish your outfit. It’s honestly a really good look
Scariest House This Side of The River
Sometimes, looking scary isn’t enough. You want your whole freaking house to be scary too. So let’s get some weird and creepy decor in here. And I’m not talking like, cute drawings of skeletons or fake gravestones. I’m talking about more extreme stuff. Like I said, people are scared of human teeth. Luckily for you, you can buy one of these Vintage Dentistry Print for a nice wall decoration, or you can get these Vintage Dental Molds for bookends or just conversation pieces. If teeth aren’t your thing, you could always go for a framed bat skeleton or spider. I don’t really know what to say about this fetus soap other than that it’s just really weird, but kind of terrific.
Books About Creepy Stuff
Every scary person with a creepy house needs a weird library. Plus, reading all these books will give you enough knowledge and trivia to weird out your friends when you talk to them. The first step is buying books about people dying. I’d recommend Death in Yellowstone: Accidents and Foolhardiness in the First National Park, a book about people dying in Yellowstone (by the way, did you read about that guy who died in a hot spring recently? that was brutal). For a similar book, but one with an added bonus of cannibalism, order Alive: The Story of the Andes Survivors. Every kind of scary person should know about the Dyatlov Pass Incident, and if you don’t then you need to get Dead Mountain: The Untold Story of the Dyatlov Pass Incident. It’ll be worth it. For my personal favorite weird and unsettling story, I’d suggest The Silent Twins about a pair of twin sisters who were way too weird for me to describe right now.
Movies Where Women Murder Men and Stuff
If books aren’t really your thing, or if you just like books and movies, you can add these quality films to your library and trot them out whenever men come over to your house. Or you could just have one of these always playing in the background. I don’t know, do whatever seems scariest. Gone Girl is a great choice, one which always seems to make men uncomfortable. Teeth, which is about a girl with Vagina Dentata, is like that too, except it makes men like a billion times more uncomfortable. For some movies about awesome women who take men down a few pegs, I’d suggest either American Mary or Audition, two great movies about great women who look great in aprons.