FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Where Everybody Knows Your (User)Name

Hello, peas and carrots! You’re looking fine as fuck this Friday, which is a perfect situation for throwin’ a selfie into the comments of this week’s Friday Open Thread! We have these every week because the creation of a routine creates stability and discipline. JK! We do these every week because we fucking love you. They’re awesome weekly Internet-based treehouse meetings in which we braid each other’s hair, share photos of our pets, and tell people about our dating lives just because we relate to each other. And I can’t do it without you!

b my frand plz

b my frand plz

I’m gonna be real with you all. I had one of those weeks. A bunch of shit that was either straight-up awful or small-time annoying just happened, all at once, just all on top of one another, in what would be a hilarious episode of a sitcom but is actually just my real life.

It’s the kind of thing where in seven days you legitimately manage to lose your wallet, catch the slow train, eat frozen waffles that are somehow never cooked all the way through, fuck up your checking account, realize the 3G connection on your phone is no longer accurately monitored by the 3G signal symbol on your phone, receive all of your bills, miscalculate pay day, and make coffee that just tastes kind of wrong.

Obviously, I’m making it through — I have Eli, a brand-spankin’-new copy of Hard Choices, and my core desired feelings, after all — but I’m also attempting to laugh so as not to cry at my own life for the next while.

For these reasons and a few more, I could not be happier to be right here in my normal hangout spot with you. I almost feel like this is the virtual version of Cheers, or some other, more diverse and kind of place with better decorations where everybody knows my name nonetheless. Side Note: I used to always try to get close to staffers at my favorite bar so that I could experience having a bar where everybody knows my name, but the closest I ever got was walking into the bank on AU’s campus and having the tellers and manager exclaim it all at once. (It was still really gratifying.)

you're so much better looking than these people, though

you’re so much better looking than these people, though

So! Now that my quick hit of truth-telling is over, we’re ready to get down to the good part: yours! It’s your time to shine, bitches. Leave a comment about anything — absolutely anything — to be a part of this week’s Friday Open Thread! 

If you comment with a picture of your pet, I will comment with a picture of mine (he’s adorable, so it’s a good trade), and if you tell me about the girl you’re seeing or what you wore to your date this weekend I am promising that it will make me coo and smile sweetly in the real world. I’m here because I wanna shoot the shit about whatever the hell is happening in your life, even if it’s kind of a hot mess right now like mine. Tell me what you’re eating for dinner, where you went this week, how you’re feeling, or maybe even what you’re wearing — unless you’re not into that kind of thing. Y’know, consent and all. And don’t forget to comment on each other’s posts! All of us talking at each other sounds kind of like dinner with your extended family, right? So get into it! Tell your neighbor she looks great or something, for God’s sake.

OK, get lovin’ on one another! I’ll be right here to support you every step of the way. Oh, and also, I’m always glad you came. JSYK.

How To Post a Photo In The Comments:

1. Find a photo! This is the easy part. Find a photo on the web, right click (on a Mac, control+click), hit “Copy Image URL,” and then…

2. Code it in to your comment! Use the following code, and use a DIRECT LINK to the image. Your image link should end in .JPG or .GIF or .PNG or .CallMeWhateverYouWant even. I don’t care, but it should be an image suffix!

<img src=”http://imageurlgoeshere.jpg”>

If you need to upload the photo you love from your computer, try using imgur. To learn more, check out Ali’s step-by-step guide.

How To Post a Video In The Comments, Too:

1. Find a video on YouTube or Vimeo or WHATEVER and click “embed.” Copy that code, but first make sure it’s for 640px wide or less. If your player is too large, it will not display properly.

2. Copy the code and paste it directly into your comment.

3. Go forth and jam.

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Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.


    • Hello Angela. Me too. My gf and I haven’t finished re-watching the first season yet to get caught up, and she made me promise to not even read anything that might contain spoilers… which means I have to avoid about half of the Straddleverse right now. Even this very thread could be fraught with spoilery danger. Don’t worry, Angela. We’re in this together.

      • I only started watching the first season after the second one came out and am doing so with a friend at her apartment, so I’m not there yet either.

    • My wife and I keep saying that we are going to watch it, but we haven’t found enough time to binge watch the whole second season and she figures once we start it’ll be difficult to stop. We do have a three day weekend so hopefully.

    • I also have not yet made it to Season 2. My roommate and I are re-watching season 1 right now (well I’m re-watching it, it’s her first time) and the anticipation is killing me!

  1. Oh, don’t get me started on one of those weeks… I definitely had one this week. I had to be everywhere at the same time and work way more than I anticipated, while I actually desperately needed to work on my two (!) theses that are both due in like 3 weeks. And on top of that I was getting sick. So basically it was a schedule-overload and I was freaking out 99% of the time. Things seem to look up for me again though. It looks like I beat the flu-monster, I only have to work one more full day and then I can work on both my theses a lot for most of next week, and I just finished watching the latest Orphan Black episode (and read the Autostraddle recap of course, which is almost as good as the series itself). And now I’m not actually watching the World Cup but following what the Netherlands are doing anyway, because my window is open and every time the Dutch team scores people run outside and cheer and make lots of noise in any possible way. It is highly entertaining.

    • Good luck with the theses! And I share the World Cup enthusiasm, this game is SO fantastic and finally Netherlands is getting revenge for losing last World Cup finals… 5 goals, wow!

  2. So! Weird day!

    My dog tried to fly home from the vet, but wound up jumping out of the car window (while it was moving) and getting hurt.

    A handicapped girl in the locker room of the pool (as I am waiting to start my shift), introduced herself, kissed my hand after shaking it, and then said my phone is perfect an that she got one for Christmas.

    Literally three minutes after she left (45 seconds ago), A guy just walked into the girl’s locker room, got halfway in to the end of all the locker rows where the bathrooms and showers room begins, saw me and went “oh god I walked into the wrong room!” And jogged out.

    • wow that’s one full on day of random surprises. Does this woman who kissed you – just full of gratitude for life and you, or was she fully in love with your phone only?

      I hope your dog is recovering from his car jump poor thing.

      • There is no doubt in my mind that this woman was using me in order to get a good long look at my phone. She played me for such a fool with that innocent manner of hers.
        I feel betrayed on several levels.

    • Sounds like an interesting day! My dog did the same thing few years ago! It all worked out, I’m sure yours will be fine!

      • Eyyyyy, thunder happened. Pool’s closed for half an hour.
        Why did I come to work today again?

        • There are little kids in here going
          “I like to move it move it! He likes to move it move it! She likes to move it move it! We like to… MOVE IT!”

        • There was thunder my second to last day for teaching swim lessons this summer and it was heaven. I work at a private pool that is actually the worst pool in the city, maybe the state and it is hardly heated so any break from it is such a major relief.

  3. I FINALLY got to my metal earth things in the case I bought. Yes it’s glass. I haven’t put the lights in it yet, I’m having a hard time finding one I like/isn’t complicated to make. I’m getting fancy guys. Also, it was a good opportunity for my dad and I to bond aka mount TV to wall. YAY. This week has been ok. I’m sad because I have stuff to do later instead of stuff that would actually make me happy. The cat my wife and I have is cuter than ever and I have a short vid of her meowing at me and drinking from a baby bottle.

    Also, look at the Taj Mahal one I made. =)

    • Whoa! That Taj Mahal is amazing! I hear you on the stuff to do later. I put off all my school work for the whole week ’til, like, hours ago and am now just getting it done and rewarding myself with the weekly love fest! Yay!

    • thanks guys. It’s mostly to keep myself from being bored and sleeping all day and watching too much TV.

  4. Sorry to hear about the shitty week, Carmen. Although not technically my pet (I have a puppy of this breed), here’s a picture of some cute Havanese puppies I found online to make your day a tiny bit better

    As for me, I’m just in my office drinking some green tea and streaming the Spain/Netherlands soccer match. I’m so pumped that the world cup is finally here!!!

    • Judging by all the cheering I just heard outside my window the score is now 4-1 for the Netherlands…

      Oh wait, more cheering. That’s 5-1! I don’t even need to stream this match, haha!

      • @Els well here’s raining so there’s definitely no cheering going on outside… Plus everyone in the office is watching! I (almost) feel bad for Spain

        • Haha well I don’t know where you are but I’m in the Netherlands right now and it’s been hot all day so lots of people are dancing and cheering outside now the Netherlands has won – whoo! Haha really this atmosphere is so great. I hope we get to play in the finale cause by then my theses are done and I can watch the game outside on one of the big screens and join the party! I’m not even a soccer fan but this just gives me a good mood :)

      • I lived in Italy for a year and Italians are insane about soccer. Anytime they won a big game everyone would paint their bodies and/or cars and drive around the lawn (that translation of prato confuses me) screaming for hours. The same year I lived there they won the world cup. We were out of town at the time, but apparently you couldn’t get anywhere because everyone was celebrating… everywhere.

  5. I added “interested in women” to my Facebook last night and that might not seem like a big deal, but it is! I figure all the remaining randoms and extended family can find out more easily now. I am so out and so gay, just SO GAY, since A-Camp. :)

  6. This week I bought a plane ticket to go see the long distance girlfriend Autostraddle got me for Christmas last year. So I’ve been experimenting with the liquor bottles my house has been collecting instead of getting more cider. I turns out Picklebacks are NOT a sick joke the internet tried to play on me.

  7. here’s to your week picking up from here Carmen! I don’t have a drink with me but I’ll raise my cheese toastie to you :-)
    This week I have started a new job and started re-watching Buffy! So life is pretty good!

  8. This week was interesting. Got to produce one of my favorite newscasts with some of my favorite people, so that was fun. I live in Wisconsin, so I’m waiting to see what the judge will do about my state’s ban on same-sex marriage being ruled unconstitutional. But for now, Father’s Day dinner tonight and my best friend’s wedding tomorrow! (I hope your week gets better, Carmen.)

  9. Last weekend I bought a plane ticket to fly across the Atlantic to visit my American girlfriend and I haven’t stopped being excited about that yet. It’s not the first time I’ve been to the States, but it will be the first time I’ve visited my girlfriend’s hometown (in 3 years of relationship) and I’ll also be making my trip to San Francisco, which is super exciting. Work is currently quite dull – I’m a teacher and it’s end-of-term exam season – but at least I get to daydream about my trip and all the things I’m going to do in the US :)

    • you’re gonna have an amazing trip! i am currently daydreaming about visiting geneva in a couple weeks, so i relate!

    • Don’t you guys love our LDRs??? Haha. Note sarcasm. So jelly and happy you both get to visit your humans!!=] i dont have plans til our anniversary…some months away=|

  10. Carmen I am sorry to hear of your difficult week and I hope that you found your wallet and your pay was sorted out. I can relate to wanting to have a bar where everyone knows and welcomes me too. I laughed out loud in admiration that you had the “Carmen!!” response from your favourite bank tellers and manager all at once. That’s gold! Makes for pleasant memories.

    I have never had anyone say that, at least, when I had a Cheers entrance in mind!

    I am itching with excitement because I have had my financial situation approved for a home loan, and though I am tardy to the party being 41 and all, I am excited to be considered worthy of being given a bank loan to buy a home WOO HOO!! I am looking forward to poking my nosy nose in a whole lot of very interesting open homes and imagining fulfilling my goal of becoming a crazy animal and gardening lady. And being able to turn the music up loudish and sing away to it!!

    • I loved looking at different house when I was shopping for mine. Have fun and good luck!

      • thankyou! I have to keep on reminding myself to be not in a hurry or get too invested in falling in love with the nicest first house I see, which is very likely!

    • thank you! you’re all way too sweet. i’m so excited for you to find the house of your dreams and then live, well, your dreams.

  11. I think this day is going to be one of those days where I work 12 or more hours (at 10.5 currently). But there’s hope! This weekend, I will be visiting my family. And one of my best friends and his fiance are having a combined bachelor/ette party so that should be fun. Plus if I manage to leave tonight (which is in doubt at this point), it’s another friend’s birthday. I wanted to drive all the way to Albany Pride tomorrow, but personal stuff is more important I guess (I’m not 100% sure this is true, honestly!)

    Also it’s been raining for like 3 days straight and I think that’s stopping finally so I’m excited for some sunshine and summer fun (aka hiking and playing basketball).

    • I’m SO with you in spirit on the Pride thing. I actually have never made it to Pride (sucky). Just went to a family members graduation yesterday, which was awesome on many levels and this weekend I got sort of roped into a photography thing with the fam. (I’d much rather photograph Pride). Also really looking forward to some sun. How much rain can we get?!

      • We can notPride in solidarity. Then in September, we can Pride in solidarity! For real, though, that sounds cool, especially photography… even if it’s not Pride. Weather is totally inexplicable here but it should be nice the next 2 days hopefully!

        • Ah! Thank you poet Sam: “we can notPride in solidarity.” That is beautifully melancholic. Just as I read your post about the weather being nice for the next two days there was a renewed fervor in the ongoing downpour. Sounds like you’ll still be having some fun this weekend even without Pride–is good.

        • I try! Haha. It was raining cats and dogs there for a while. Not like actual cats and dogs but imagine if it did. With parachutes and pillows attached so they land softly and they are all magically non-allergy causing. That would be a lot better than the last few days of precipitation.

          But I digress, I’m super excited to see my friends and fam. Especially my older sister. And my best friend. And the kitties and doggies because it’s been too long and they are also my best friends. And I just realized that since I started being all butchish, I haven’t seen my mom or most of my friends so this will be interesting.

          I hope you have a great weekend, too!

  12. I’m sorry that you had a rough week, and I hope the going gets better for you soon. Hugs!

  13. I got called handsome twice this week, but that word irks me out. I prefer to be seen as a cute/adorable queer looking being than a handsome masculine being. Oh well. Sunday I spent a day at a small city park with a group of lovely & amazing queer ladies. I also got a sports bra that I like, and give me good motivation to loose a bit of weight so I can wear it comfortably. Oh annual Concours D’Elegance by my house is this weekend excited for it!

    • Words are tough, I feel you. Something that feels so good to one person, not so much another. And something that I like one week, or laugh at another, feels gross on yet another week. Don’t worry. You know you’re an adorable queer. Enjoy your weekend!


  14. Straddlers I seek advice!!!

    This is somewhat complicated and I having a lot of thoughts and feelings about this girl I am (was? who knows!) dating. Okay, so there is this girl I like and she’s cool, has a cat named Simba and for a while we hang out there’s a mutual attraction. I feel that our relationship we communicate our thoughts, desires and others things about life. We both agreed to have a casual dating relationship and we had a conversation about what we want for ourselves in the future. I’m thinking, “oh shit is the conversation I should bring up that I want more than what we are doing? Do I tell her all my feels?” So with every important decision, I flip a coin (just kidding, I agonized for days before with monologues and speeches when zoned out at the coffee shop).

    Before I told her I frankly ask about her feelings about monogamy (and she is monogamous) and we are on the same page, but (and it’s big) she prefers given her dating history that it is usually with men she sees herself in long-term relationships. Alright, but I’m like, “oh darn!” She’s not really into labels but pressed she’ll identify being bi-prefernce men. Again, cool no problem, you do you.

    I don’t know where to go with this, I’m trying to have fun but emotions and feeling less and less happy with everything. So after to talking to my sister, she thinks I should pull away, take a break and look for a girl that is open to long term relationship with me and all that good stuff. I agree and yesterday I told the person I was dating all my feels and she got really quiet and everything is awkward. What I gather what is going on is a case were two people agreed to a thing, a person changes (me) and they do not really agree to that thing anymore. Does it have to be messy? I don’t like things to be messy and I tend to be frank (and sensitive). Ah, emotions.

    I miss hanging out with her and her cat. I feel strange like there is a knot in my stomach and I know I’m sad but I feel like I should be more sad? AM I HEARTLESS!?! Is it just gas? I don’t know and I think just telling you all my situation makes me feel better.

    • Hmm. If she likes you, it shouldn’t really matter what her dating history / usual preference is. I obviously don’t know this individual, but if somebody said that to me I would suspect that there’s something else going on, either internalized homophobia or pressure from family, etc. And no, I don’t think you’re heartless, but I think your gut might be trying to tell you to tread carefully here. It sounds like you’re already aware that you might be getting too emotionally invested in a situation that isn’t going the way you would hope.

      • I figured it had to be some internalized homophobia rather than, “hey prefer dating guys long-term* which is fine (but why tell me that?) because I dated queer women who would date guys but prefer women, long term, you do you and all that good stuff. It didn’t seem to fit or make sense, didn’t want to over think it, but my gut is telling more “hmm no girl, no.” So it’s safe to say it’s not gas, but seriously thanks!

    • Bra, the good thing is you know who you are, and what you want in a relationship, and you had the courage and respect in risking being rejected in telling her the same. From what you’ve said of her immediate response, there is something large and unspoken kind of that she is not being forthcoming with you about, and I dunno, maybe it is homophobia.

      I feel for you because you want someone who has processed their homophobia to a degree where she can reciprocate and appreciate your feelings and you for you. I get the feeling that this woman is not ready for that kind of commitment.

    • “I miss hanging with her and her cat” – if you said this to me, I would marry you immediately.


      • Hey, girl hey.

        Her cat is awesome and named Simba. I would bring a stuffed cat named Scar and we used to try to create the fight scene from lion king and fail. Simba usually just wrestles with the stuffed cat but it is so cute.

        Omg, I think my sadness is from missing the cat, he would given me kisses and give the best side-eye when I try to play with him. His constant judgment oddly affirms me.


        • Both you and Kate McKinnon need a Cat Husband. You just have to get consent from the Cat to be your Cat Husband. I am trying this angle once I get a house. There will be Cat Polygamy.

        • Bra, this made me laugh for a solid 5 minutes. I love all.the.things about this comment.

          I sincerely hope you find a feline/female friend that appreciates all of you.

    • Aww this is sucky. I’m sorry she’s straighter than ideal. The beautiful thing (and frustrating thing) about people is that they never DO conform to what you want; you take em or leave ’em, they have wills of their own.

      I think you did the right/hard thing and I hope it works out. If she changes her point of view, that would be awesome; until then, look for someone who is capable of loving you. The fact that you’re not sad about it means that maybe there was something there that wasn’t totally clicking; it doesn’t mean you’re heartless. It sounds like you pressed her to decide and she gave you this noncommittal “i like women but not as much as men so i dont know about this long term but short term its cool” answer, which isn’t the same as “you are the best person in the world i wanna throw pie for you!”

      I also miss my ex-girlfriend’s cat more than my ex. I told her I wanted to hang out with her cat (without her), she took it well.

    • I just wanna put out there that while it’s totally possible there’s some internalized homophobia going on, I also think likes-women-but-prefers-men-longterm is a totally legitimate orientation. I feel like there’s some haste to put that down in this thread, although maybe people have reasons that I’m just not seeing. It sounds like this girl was upfront about what she was looking for, and I respect that.

      Bra, I’m glad you’re just sad and not super sad! That’s not heartless. That sounds like just the right amount of heart.

    • *hugs* (if you know, you consent to hugs)

      People pretty much said all of the relevant things. But however you feel about this yesterday, today, or tomorrow is totally normal and okay.

  15. I have been so tired this last week, that I have been traipsing through life semi delirious.Also,my glasses are broken at the hinges , so stuff shifts out of focus a lot and I see double until I readjust them.
    This is very weirdly like just having fallen out of a bar after a night of dancing and debauchery.
    Turns out all of these years of college did prepare me for real life after all..

    • Yo I feel the same way this week. I feel like a pop diva who had to cancel a string of concerts due to exhaustion. Except my “exhaustion” isn’t code for some secret thing that I need to go to rehab for — I’m actually just really really really tired.

      Maybe we’re getting sick.

      • Take your vitamins and get some more sleep, lovelies! Take care of yourselves; us queers have to be strong in order to properly spread the gay agenda.

        • @Laura *hugs*cause you might need one. and @jane: I actually did get some high powered vitamin supplements yesterday.They do totally help!
          You know, girls, I’m just really dejected because I’m turning 34 in August and I keep sighing about the fact, that the amount of work and lack of sleep would not have been as much of an issue at 22.Not an issue at.all.actually. *sigh*
          However, I’m actually looking forward to going back to work again later in the day…Hello, my name is ami,and I might have a problem..or a very chill crew of people to work with.

  16. Three highlights of this last week. 1) I finished my first year of graduate school. At. Last. 2) Celebrated said end of year by getting super drunk, hopping a bus with 17 other inebriated librarians, and then singing karaoke for hours. 3) Went to a queer dance party with my lady and some friends. I then became that girl in the bathroom who complimented everyone.

    Here is one of the only surviving photos from the bus incident. You will see my friend impersonating a raptor. You will see my bespectacled and cheesing face. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend with great coffee.

  17. Frozen waffles that are still frozen in the middle are the worst!

    I’m so tired from work this week that I’m going to eat an old stale PB&J and watch Netflix on my bed until I either fall asleep or get the energy to get up and do something.

    Hope your weekend turns out to be better than your week, Carmen!

  18. This week I applied for a teaching position (one night a week, to adults who want to learn a foreign language) and they want to meet me and it is scary and adult and sometimes I wonder if they will test my grammar skills to see if I can, in fact, teach other people the difference between possessive and reflective pronouns. And then I freak out.

  19. I had a stressful week, but it could’ve been worse so I can’t complain. Working in news is quite depressing more often that not…so on those days I come home and look at these faces and try not to throw up everywhere. Ya know…cause they’re so cute.

    And my coffee never tastes right, which is horrible because my life is sadly dependent on coffee. I was not graced with coffee making abilities. It weighs on me.

    • I love coffee!! How do you make yours? French presses are simple and cheap and work great, you should give them a shot! Also fresh-ground beans if you can get ’em.

      Also those dogs made my night.

      • I just throw some water and not fresh-ground beans in a coffee pot..mainly because I’ve resigned to drinking the awful “coffee” that I make. Maybe I will look into your suggestions instead. haha.

        And I’m glad!

  20. Last Friday my wife and I went to see a doctor about pregnancy options. It’s a thing we’re not really talking to people about irl so it’s nice to be able to share here. She stored 4 vials of her gametes before she started hormones for transitioning. And now we want to try and see if the stars are aligned and we’re lucky enough to get to make a baby. So there’s lots of medical stuff to think about and consider, trying to weigh all of our options. In general I prefer limited medical interventions but this whole thing requires some amount of intervention. So we’ll see.

  21. Also I live in a relatively small town and I love that many people at the library and the farmer’s market know my name.

    • It is my dream for the librarians to know my name. My even bigger dream is for me to get a job shelving books at the library after school.

      • I take the group of small children I watch downtown every week for storytime so we’re a bit noticeable.

      • i had a job as a shelver in college in the town’s little public library, and it was pretty great. you should definitely do it! or at least volunteer some if they’re not hiring. win-win there cuz you get to hang in the library and when they are hiring they’ll already know that you’re awesome!

  22. My week was a mix of all kinds of emotions! I had an awesome weird fling this weekend with a hot lady.

    Then I decided on a really big career move and I feel really good about potentially doing what I love.

    Also OITNB was Why is poussey so awesome? And nikki? And taystee? Also Boo messing with ‘Tucky was amazing.

    • oitnb was so affirming. congrats on the rest of it all! you are totally living the dream.

  23. World Cup all day today + Stanley Cup finals tonight (go King get dat trophy) = makes up for having to be at work during the AS Pride meetup

  24. This week I finished my very last final, then went out the next day and got my first short ALH.
    An old school friend of mine is in town so we were hanging out yesterday. We met this older gentleman while waiting at a crosswalk, and after exchanging pleasantries he asked us if we were just friends or “Catholic friends”. Is that a thing people say?

      • CFFLs!
        (Catholic Friends For Life- also my phone tried to correct that to “cuddles” so obviously it is a good thing that should catch on)

  25. I ordered a new journal and it is coming in the mail this weekend! It is suppose to be in by tomorrow. I am so excited to get it because it has unlined pages so I will have more freedom to doodle in it!

    I actually have two dogs, but one of them likes to wiggle when I try to take pictures so here is a picture of my lovely dog Lilo. She is a cuddle bug and loves to sit on the couch (even though she was originally not allowed on the couch haha)

  26. Hi I’m Melanie, an Aussie girl living in Melbourne. I just needed to share how excited I am as I’ll be in New York late June-early July for a holiday. I spent a couple of years in the late 90s playing and recording in America with my band and in the second year, after leaving our stint on Lilith Fair we moved to Manhattan and I loved it. I’m so excited to see what’s changed and what’s stayed the same. If any straddlers are doing anything for pride, I’d love to know :)

  27. I posted here last week about visiting an LGBT community center for the first time ever. I went back earlier this week and had a great hour-long conversation with a man who works there. He was really nice and encouraged me to plan to move out of my homophobic mom’s house. The people at this center are the first gay and non-homophobic people that I’ve ever talked to.

    I went back again later on this week and met an older butch woman. She let me know that they were closed on Thursdays but she would tell the guy I had been back. So I’m looking forward to going back next Tuesday when they are open again.

    Also I got a promotion and (hopefully) a raise at work so I may be able to move out a little faster than I thought.

    • When I found the LGBT center in my town and finally worked up the courage to go it was awesome. There were people who actually cared and UNDERSTOOD what I was going through. I don’t go much anymore, but it is nice knowing that the people who work there exist for me and for everyone else in our community.

      Good luck with everything!

    • Yay! Congrats and good luck with your job/moving out situation! Also I’m super happy for you that you found some nice/supportive people at the center.

  28. I spent the week afraid to read comments on queer websites because I haven’t finished watching OITNB yet

  29. Hi, I’m Nick, possibly changing it to Courtney soon. A bisexual and feminine boy who loves hugs, I am irrationally excited about my “chit chat” phone case and 3DS that just arrived.

  30. So I graduate college tomorrow – I have no idea how I feel about it. I am, however, cautiously optimistic about my job prospects/future.

    But seriously, if anyone is in the Bay Area looking to hire a 22 year old fresh out of undergrad with a degree in Communication and a background in film and photography – hiiiiiiiiiiii :D

  31. I started having one of *those* days this morning! I was on my way out the door to Day 2 of the Philly Trans Health Conference, when I ran back in to grab my umbrella. Lo, I locked my keys (and my wallet and my cell phone and my coffee and my bag and all of its contents) in my car, making me almost late to grab lunch with a bunch of people I met yesterday BUT I was able to get the spare set from my sister and make it JUST in time, so shit worked out. Hope your week gets better like my day did Carmen! <3

  32. This week seemed to drag on forever, but hey we made it. In good news, I came out to my parents this week! I feel free, refreshed, and excited to live a more open life!

  33. Every year around this time I go to Savers and buy men’s button-ups and jeans to be turned to shorts under the pretense that they’re for summer camp. So now I am cutting jeans and shortening the sleeves of my new short-sleeve button up.

    It should be noted that I actually have zero idea how to sew, but I pretty damn good and sticking a needle through a shirt at uneven intervals. It’s okay though because I’ll just roll the sleeves anyways and nobody will ever know.

    I’m also freaking out 100% of the time because for the next two months (starting on Tuesday!) I will be in VT/Iceland at summer camp with all of my favorite people in the world.

    • I wish I was that clever with clothes and such. I went shopping with someone who kept pointing out things that I could “repurpose” later. I had no idea at the time what she was talking about, but it sounds like that’s what you are doing…I think. I seriously need fashion help. AS, more fashion Rx please!

      • In reality I know nothing. I started doing it because I couldn’t find women’s shorts long enough for me (now I just buy men’s, duh), but I guess I do it with other things too now.

        Hmm, I think that is what your friend meant, but I’m pretty much clueless.

  34. Let’s seee….I’m taking a summer course on principles of design, because why the hell not? I have a weird feeling my barista is crushing on me, but I can’t tell for sure. (That, or she’s REALLY, SUPER excessively nice.) All I really care about right now is that I have 2 weeks off from my shitty job starting Sunday. I’m also looking forward to possibly attending Autostraddler Pride Meet-up in SF. Aaaaaand this is Lulu, aka My Little Wookiee, aka Puppysaurus Rex, aka Fuzzface. She’s 9 and usually hates getting her picture taken.

     photo 10401634_880845155276776_1814757258_n_zpsf8594f16.jpg

  35. Carmen, so sorry for your horrible week! I hope things turn around! You are awesome! <3

    I spent most of my week procrastinating on my summer school work until after noon today and instead was learning Tarot (AS Tarot School y'all!!!). For some reason I've had to start drinking enormous amounts of coffee to get myself half way to motivated. I went shopping with a new friend. Double weirdness for introverted, not "girly" me. Good, but weird. I started a queer ladies book club ;), so, triple weirdness and triple goodness. There was a graduation. Congratulations to everyone here who is graduating!

    Happy Friday everyone!

  36. My date this Thursday with this really rad lady was basically jumping up and down in a bed and singing Cassie songs and telling each other “you’re the coolest.” And then we made out on a (small) pile of cash.

    Working through the weekend but I went to LUSH and got a lot of stuff that smells good and some new lingerie so I am 10/10 feelin great

  37. Today, I drove 900 miles across the country with my dad! Otherwise, this week was fairly uneventful. About a month ago, I finished my first year at Smith College, and I’m missing it like crazy. I’ve been texting with my best friend who I’m crushing on almost all hours of the day and maybe kinda hoping that when we get back to school, she’ll want to date.

  38. Sooooo. Girl you’re talking too isn’t super talkative at all. Responds to texts periodically. However is ok when you make plans to go on a date. She never asks you to go on a date herself though….thoughts? I thought I was being blown off at first…but then she said yes when I asked her out again. – genuinely confused person here. Normally when girls are interested they text/message like crazy or is that just my experience?

    • So I’m the kind of girl who almost never texts/messages anybody unless I need something very desperately in that moment and it can’t wait. I’m just not a phone person in general. I will text to make plans, but NEVER to just talk. If I want to talk, I’d 1000% rather do it in person. She might be the same way. Or she’s too nice to say no, maybe. Just ask her about her preferred methods of communication.

      This has been kind of a serious problem with past girlfriends though. I’m just super aloof, idk, and I don’t have any need/desire to talk to people every day.

  39. I’ve been a streessss mess this week! Drama at work, lost my wallet from drinking too many beer margaritas, threw up at derby practice and I still have not gotten my wedding dressed altered!!! Mind you I’m getting married at the end of the month… (End rant)

  40. After working on two major projects that needed to be done in time for E3, and finally shipped out and loved by our clients, I was finally able to relax and breathe?
    Also, this fear that I somehow did something wrong was vanquished when my boss wanted to have a “talk” with me – and you know how that goes in your head….Only instead he handed me a nice little bonus for a job well done and wrote on the memo “for being the best!”. I’m fucking going to Disneyland a week from Friday.

  41. I don’t even know with this week. it feels like everything about it has been a mess.

    is it denial to not want to refer to my ex as “my ex”? it feels like too limited a term. she’s a beautiful person who I love who was my friend before we dated and is my friend now, too–just a friend that I can’t talk to at the moment because I can’t stop grieving the future I wanted to be able to have with her, even though I can acknowledge that we weren’t quite working romantically. it’s been a month since we broke up, and I thought I was doing alright coming to terms with it ’til she told me last Sunday that she’s seeing someone new. it left me completely ungrounded.

    on the plus side, the experience made me take a real step toward self-care instead of just talking about it. also, I ended up telling my mom I had dated someone. I’ve been out to my parents for about a year, but they’re super conservative and religious, so I hid the relationship the whole time. it felt really freeing (though scary) to just admit it.

    I’ve been sick with a dumb cold and so emotional and hormonal this week, but today was an okay day, and I’m hoping I can take it as a sign.

    (I feel like I should have started this post with “Dear Diary”)

    • “Ex” is such an awful term, like they’ll never be in your life again. I’ve tried to be friends with exes where it didn’t work out; like, one or the other of us had more feels than the other and it’s hard to be genuine with someone like that. At some point you have to acknowledge that there’s an elephant in the room and you can’t just make it go away, you have to wait it out. In time some exes come back to us; some never do. But if you were friends before, chances are you have a more solid base upon which to build your future friendship.

      I’m glad some good came out of it, congrats on telling your parents about it. This will be one of those growing experience relationships.

      • I just can’t stand the connotations of “ex.” to me, it wreaks of all society’s ugliest ideas about relationships and endings being a sign of failure and mistakes made and all that nonsense. she and I weren’t a mistake, and I think that stands for a lot of people’s past relationships. I’m so glad we dated, and I would make that choice every single time if I had to make it over, even though breaking up hurt like hell.

        anyway. yeah. thanks! deeeefinitely a growing experience. I wish I already had enough distance from it to see how that growing is going to work exactly. trying real hard here to make sure my take-aways are healthy and positive.

    • I feel you on the ex thing. I feel you so hard. Virtual hugs and good luck and we will all get through feeling crappy together. <3

    • This post could have been written straight out of my brain. I don’t have any advice, but I agree 100% with everything you said. This too shall pass. You just have to survive this part.

      Dating your best friend is the most amazing thing while it lasts and the most crushing thing I’ve ever experienced when it ends.

  42. Hallo Everyone! I am Danielle and I rock!! I am sure you all do rock too!!! Now Imma bout to roll outta here…

  43. It’s now Saturday. I’m late sorry. I spent my week in a room with no windows filling out the same form ad nauseum and finally got finished on thursday only to have nightmares that I hadn’t finished at all… can’t wait for next Wednesday when the high heidyins will have visited and (pray to lesbian jesus for me) said my paperwork is ok and I can go back to being in airy rooms with windows.

  44. Hi! I’ve been traveling/camping for the past two months and this (last?) week I went to a queer music festival in Tennessee and then fell down this magical rabbit hole of free fancy places to stay hosted by radical faerie queers and now I’m in Nashville at the house of one of said faerie queers in this crazy like four post bed and it just so happens to be PRIDE TOMORROW which is totally wonderful wonderful but I’m messing everything up cause I have a million chigger(bug) bites and just ran out of anti-itch cream and had some 3am mania when I decided to scratch them all till they bled and now everything hurts and I can’t sleep BUT I NEED MY BEAUTY REST FOR PRIDE OBVIOUSLY SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

  45. “awesome weekly Internet-based treehouse meetings”

    I used to hang out on a message board back in the day that had a girls-only section called Treehouse. now I’m feelin’ all nostalgic about message boards!

  46. It hasn’t been a good week.

    Failed an exam.
    Mother’s premenopausal.
    Found out that a good old relative has a brain tumor as big as tennis ball.
    Ran out of coffee.

    Thoughts for the week:

    Failing an exam just makes me want to strive for better. Builds up my character and hope for a chance of passing.

    Mom will outgrow her menopause. She just needs some estrogen.

    Coffee. I’ll run to the store on another day for a refill.

    Brain tumor… well. Currently, he’s having it excised. It’s just that the sadder part is… that I know that he’ll not be the same person after surgery. I hope he recovers.

    Just really want that coffee fix and a better week ahead.

  47. Well, I just watched the last episode of Faking It. I’m going to go read Riese’s review, after I punch a wall, obviously.

  48. This week was a week. I don’t know what it means, but I think Mercury is in retrograde. Yesterday was definitely Friday the 13th. I’m taking risks, and I asked out this cute girl, and she said yes, so sometimes it pays off! :) Now we just have to find a time to get coffee with our crazy work schedules.

    In other news, I started #100healthydays, and I’m only on day 6, but I’m already feeling so much better! It feels really good to be eating natural foods, and not junk.

    Also, a froyo place opened up around the corner from my apartment. THIS is breaking news.

  49. I’m going to be in Port A for a week, starting today. Which means no Netflix. At least there’s a killer pizza place there. I look forward to that every year.

  50. Hello fancy Friday. My week, my week.

    An event that often matters to lady-loving ladies: I got a haircut. It’s shorter than it’s been in a long time, but a length my hairdresser has been semi-openly/sneakily inching me towards for a while. She was very pleased.

    It makes me feel tougher, also more likely to get mistaken for a boy or get stared at by young children. I have mixed feels about the misgendering depending on whether I can be bothered putting up with staring, but I like feeling a tad tougher.

    Sidenote: my hairdresser is gay and incredibly cute so having a haircut that makes her happy makes me extra happy too. EVERYONE WINS.

    EXTRA HAIR UPDATE THO: Spanner in the works. I volunteer at a youth organisation Oaktree that runs a fundraising campaign/challenge in Oz called Live Below the Line, where you essentially eat on $2 a day – the Australian equivalent of the international poverty line – for five days, to:

    a) challenge yourself to think more critically about the privilege of choice you have in your day-to-day life due to not living in extreme poverty (with the ‘food challenge’ of the campaign providing a TINY window into thinking critically about this- imagine having only $2 a day for ALL your needs, all the time)

    and b) fundraise money from friends, family, coworkers etc to do this.

    ANYHOW, the hair part is this. Part of my fund-raising this year involved setting little challenges and things I’d do if I hit certain fundraising milestones. Stuff like wearing a shit-ton of dresses, swapping names and lives with my twin for a day, etc. ONE OF THEM involved someone getting to pick my new hair colour.

    My dad won this right (uh oh). AS SUCH, my hair is going to be indigo-y. At the insistence of a friend, I’m using henna because it ain’t tested on critters and won’t destroy my hair. BUT IT WILL MAKE IT COLOURED.

    I have NEVER fully coloured my hair; I only had streaks in it 20349182 years ago (remember when streaks were a thing?).

    I am a little scared. Tomorrow I will embark on the witchcraft-y process of making the henna concoction (add three lemons, add some beetroot juice, howl at the moon etc) and then I will spoon the goop on my head and the rest will be history.

    It was nice knowing you all.

    • I also spent a lot of time internet shopping ‘ethical’ coats for winter. And I found some nifty stuff! Like Vaute Couture, which is all of the good things – vegan, fair-trade AND organic! And Lily Cole, who sells items made from the wool of rescued sheep who were destined for the abattoir! Who now live on her farm!

      I have a funny relationship with clothes. I am:

      one part ‘few fucks to give bout looking trendy’
      one part ‘yep I wanna look fancy right now’
      one part ‘spending lots of money on clothes is reprehensible’
      and lately one part ‘spending lots of money on classic, quality items that will last will mean I look great and won’t contribute to the toxic buy-and-toss consumer culture around clothing’

      So slowly I’m finding myself spend more than I ever thought I would on individual things, but with the intention of buying once, loving forever. I think I’m at peace with this.

      I read a great thing though but someone I respect hugely which was about being not so attached to something that you wouldn’t give it to someone who needed it more. So I still feel funny about potentially being so attached that I wouldn’t be ready to hand my coat over to cold homeless person if they needed it. It’s all interesting to think about.

      Anyhow. Musing over.

      Anyway, the investing in expensive clothes items will change when I move out and have no more dollars to spare! So I’m enjoying that freedom whilst I have it.

      THE END.

    • I would probs also stare at you if I saw you with your short haircut, but in like a sexy way, not a child way.

    • grats on the haircut! I need to do that. mine is edging toward unacceptably shaggy, though it’s still tolerable for the moment.

      I let my hairdresser put semi-permanent dye in my hair a few months ago, making it redder and darker, and that was the first time I had ever dyed it at all. I don’t really feel the need to dye it again, but it was kind of fun. hope you enjoy yours.

      • After trying to lure dog for photo.

        “How do you solve a problem like a Robbie? How do you catch a dog and pin it down?”

        • Also I don’t even really look that boyish here? I probably just think I’m boyish because of those occasional times I’ve been misgendered and because there was a time I dragged up when drumming for a cabaret show and a gay man watching wanted to know who that drummer boy was (I have photos of that too actually hah!). So there’s that.

          I don’t really mind either way.

    • I also got a shorter-than-ever haircut this week! I love the way it feels. Still getting used to the way it looks though. I feel like having shorter hair gives more wiggle room about being ok with more feminine clothes, so that’s cool I guess?
      My mom said something about it that felt like gender-policing and I got defensive and it was uncomfortable. Somehow I don’t feel entirely at ease about her acceptance of my sexuality/gender presentation. I started sliding toward the masculine side two years ago and came out to her almost six months ago, but I still feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know she loves me, but frankly I’m scared that she won’t have my back if our conservative-catholic relatives decide to be assholes when they find out I’m gay. I’m probably not giving her enough credit. Also I realized that I blamed myself for the possibility of coming between her and her family, which made me realize that if they decide to be assholes that is their own fault and blaming myself is ridiculous.

      On the other hand, my dad thinks my hair looks great. <3

  51. totally just finished watching the faking it finale and now i need to go lie down for like, 8 years and analyse it to death.
    ALSO I finally finished uni for the semester and now i have 4+ weeks of autostraddle to catch up on! i have been missing AS to death.

  52. So there is this super cute it hurts calico at my building and I think she has an owner but I’m not sure, anyway I pretty sure I’m obsessed and I wanted to share that with everyone! Plus I’m nervous because I plan to go to a AS meet up for Brooklyn Pride.

    • So I have an Abyssinian/Burmese cross cat named Bling. He lives with my parents as I’m renting and also he wanders a lot.

      Bling has an amazing fantasy life.

      Every Friday for the last 4 years my Mum has sent me a text. From the cat. And we both pretend that it’s him, not her. Every once in awhile she’ll ask me if I think Bling has a ghost writer/how is he writing them when she has her phone/do I think he’s making all his adventures up.

      Yep, I have the best Mum ever.

      For example, this Friday’s text –

      “Mumm is aweigh agen leefing me in charj. It was a vary cold nite and eye had too lite a fier too keap worm. Eye nelly bernt down the sched after the roodster airick skrached the coles and spred the fier he was roosted in the fier and the dogg ett him. Dad wil wander wrar airick is. Wwhot dhood eye do?

  53. I just called my parents to tell them I’m getting married and it went 200% better than I expected; my mom was uncharacteristically excited, my dad (incredibly characteristically) cried and it was really awesome so YAY!

  54. I have been a member for about 6 months, but I think this is my first comment. Happy weekend.

  55. This week my partner and I went on a museum date to see dinosaurs and also an exhibit on deep oceans. We saw this giant squid!

    • That looks like a real squid with an angry cartoon solo eye. Is it real? (obviously I’m not a squidpro).

      • this is exactly what I need to know. the squid is cool, but that eye’s freaking me out a little.

      • My partner and I wondered the same thing! There was no signage telling us about the eye, but it looked fake (the rest of the squid definitely was not).

  56. Most of my life is now studying for the bar and packing my stuff to move to Seattle. I’m also rehearsing for Rabbits on a Plane, the little known sequel to Snakes on a Plane starring an awkward queer vegan and her beloved rabbit friends who non-violently take over a plane in an effort to obtain fresh produce.

    I spent Friday with my… girldatingshipfriend person. We made individual pizzas and watched scary movies since it was Friday the 13th and a full moon. This morning we sat around and ate toast and debated what music/books/tv shows various Buffy characters liked. Somewhere in there I started humming Nerdy Love Song and realized that this was super adorable and I like us being super adorable and I have like, FEELINGS. Which is nice but also terrible because I’m moving across the country in two weeks. Feelings. So. Many. Feelings.

  57. My person and I are fostering a 7ish week old lil beb named Frida. Her cuteness could be lethal. She’s just small enough/fearless enough that you basically have to watch her at all times lest she electrocute herself or drown herself or hang herself etc etc. But I love having her around. So if any of you in the Midwest are looking for the cuddliest, cutest Tortie around, look no further:

  58. hi
    i’m luna
    i restarted my tumblr because i missed having people to talk to regularly
    who understood shit
    and liked what i liked
    and got all my meme references
    and followed me even
    though i broke up with my ex
    who also has a tumblr
    but i’m happy
    because my future is looking bright
    and i’m looking forward to frenns
    cuz apparently
    the bay
    is queer mecca


  59. Okay it’s Sunday but whatever whatever

    Yesterday i went to my city’s Pride for the first time ever c: i didn’t do a lot, but it was really nice. I got to dance (yaey) & get tied up (yaey), & i bought really cheap & really good pad thai. c:

    Also Carmen & anyone else who needs hugs come here & let me give you some if you want, mmkay? ♥

  60. I spent all of friday packing up my dorm room and moving my stuff and all my roommates stuff to our apartment. I was so exhausted yesterday I am still tired today. Then today I drove 4 1/2 hours home so I could get some of my stuff.

  61. I watched and fell in love with Utena because of Autostraddle and now I am finally buying the box set! I’m also changing schools from a strict Catholic School to a more liberal (Jewish) school with a Keshet (GSA)!!! I’m so excited!

  62. I’m planning my best mate’s hen do (1930s Girl Guide camp at the seaside) and listening to Abstract Random.

    Perfect rainy Sunday.

  63. So, totally late to the party and probably won’t get any responses, but, here goes, since this is an open thread.

    I recently moved back to my hometown from New York because, while I was gone, my father had a stroke and related health problems that almost killed him. Also, my grandmother has dementia that is getting progressively worse. While I have a lot of issues surrounding my really, really dysfunctional family, I didn’t want to have regrets about living so far away with people so close to death. It’s been a time of soul searching for me, not just regarding them, but regarding the fact that life is too short to settle, or to put up with bullshit. Thus, I’ve revised my dating dealbreakers during all of this as well. I took almost a year off dating after dating a woman last summer who was extremely controlling with an anger management problem, and just crazy in a lot of ways. Anyway, my dealbreakers are as follows:

    Religion: Nothing organized or fundamentalist in nature. No belief in the Abrahamic God.

    Kids: Don’t want them, don’t want to raise yours.

    No anger/control issues.

    Closets: Keep your shame to yourself, I want no part of it.

    No right wingers. My job as the Executive Editor of a Liberal website means there are serious issues with dating right wingers. Same for my outside political activity. Plus, I just can’t with gay republicans.

    If you live at home/ aren’t self supporting/ don’t have a job and aren’t looking for one, there better be a damn good reason and immediate plans to correct this situation.

    I realize that these qualities will be damn near impossible to find in one woman, and, therefore, I’ve learned to be content being single.

    Anyway, not sure what I’m looking for in saying all this, just wanted to share, I guess.

    • Sorry about all that’s going on with your family. Glad you’ve gotten some good soul searching done during this difficult time.

      • Thanks. It’s better now. I came back, and my dad is much better. When I first got here at the end of February, neither he nor my mom was capable of driving. Mom had just had extensive foot surgery, and dad hadn’t gotten the go ahead from his doctors. On top of that, almost a month to the day after I got back, my grandmother fell. She already had dementia, but the fall caused some kind of break in it. She was completely out of her mind and was in a rehab for almost two months. We had a wheelchair ramp put on her and my grandfather’s house, and were able to bring her home. She still cannot be left alone, though. I guess the silver lining is that both of my parent are driving again, thus more independent.

        The hardest part was putting aside the past and my feelings of animosity in order to be able to give up my life in New York and come back here without a ton of anger and resentment.

  64. Hello Autostraddlers! This month marks my 6-month anniversary of self-employment. I was just thinking yesterday how happy I am to have made the leap of faith at the age of 27. I now have an appreciation for life that I did not have working a 9 to 5 job. If it’s nice out (here in Canada), I enjoy the day and work at night. I get to work on a multitude of side projects that fulfill my being; I am learning skills that I would have never acquired had I been still sitting behind a desk, watching that clock.

    If you have the opportunity (and discipline) to be self-employed, I encourage you to make that jump and commit. I believe that if there’s a will, there’s a way… though that might also just be the optimist in me :) Life’s too short to be on someone else’s schedule. I am just feeling all the happy feels and wanted to share…

    Meet Lemon (aka Mimine, in French), the photobombing kitty.

    • This sounds really awesome! I would love to be self employed. I went to college for the first time ten years ago. I was supporting myself and ended up overwhelmed by life. Something had to go and it couldn’t be food. So, I’m back at college now in circumstances where I don’t have to work full time. The idea of working for someone else 9-5 after I graduate seems positively soul sucking to me now. Congratulations on making it on your own! Please feel free to share what you do!

    • Good for you! I feel like I am building up the courage to go self-employed. Also: Lemon is hella cute.

  65. Highlight of my weekend: saw a girl in an A-camp hoodie at an event I was attending. I was too nervous to say anything, but it still gave me happy feelings.

  66. I just got home from my first vacation in years (to the Midwest and DC), and my first ever vacation overseas with my girlfriend, and it was the best. Now we are home in London and severely jetlagged and on a sugar come-down from all the American candy we bought in the duty free. Here’s my gf and my cat being super sweet and sleepy together last night.

  67. I’ve been text flirting really hard with this girl that is SOOOOO out of my league… but she’s flirting back. This is a very wonderful and emotional time. I’m getting butterflies every time the messages pop up and ugh why are people so cute? We’re going to New Zealand next week with some other people and I swear to god, I am going to lose it and accidentally fall and make out with her.

        • Actually though, don’t flirt with me if you’re seeing someone. Rude. And also I don’t want my heart toyed with. We’re still friends, and I haven’t told her anything, but goddamn I want to cry everytime I see facebook pictures.

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