FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: The Editors Have Some Questions For You

HELLO MUSKETEERS. We are coming to you live from Big Bear, California, where all of the senior editors in addition to Alex, wood sprite and also design director, are working together and occasionally eating string cheese. It’s our annual editorial summit, informally called Big Bear Shakedown, in which we get some time to work on big-picture stuff about what we want to do with this website of ours and also get to watch animal odd couple youtube videos together. Yesterday morning Heather showed us all a video of a cat getting its teeth brushed that her girlfriend sent her, and that was just fucking delightful.

Here is Riese making plans to change the world

Here is Riese making plans to change the world

I feel like Laneia didn't want me, Rachel, to take this picture, thank you for putting up with it Laneia

I feel like Laneia didn’t want me, Rachel, to take this picture, thank you for putting up with it Laneia

We’re all so so thrilled about how Tell Us Everything Week is going — there’s nothing better than seeing a gravatar face we aren’t familiar with comment with thoughts and feelings that we would never have known about otherwise! Please keep it up, and thank you so much for reaffirming this day and every day that we have the best readers of anyplace on earth.

Heather is in her natural habitat, behind a vase of zinnias

Heather is in her natural habitat, behind a vase of zinnias

Yvonne and Alex are handling taco night and they would prefer that you not put peas in your guacamole please

Yvonne and Alex are handling taco night and they would prefer that you not put peas in your guacamole please

In the spirit of telling us everything — everything! — we’ve decided to structure this as a chill, casual interview. It’s totally not a big deal, don’t get nervous, we just have some questions for you. Answering them is optional, but also encouraged.

Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

You are free to answer all of these or none of them! Or like two of them! It’s a free world. At least here inside this one very specific post it is.

HIIIIIII

HIIIIIII

Also though, please don’t stop there! Like seriously tell us EVERYTHING. Did your dog eat anything weird off the floor this week? Did you find your favorite outfit all over again because you did laundry for the first time in a while? Did your baby do a dance to a Tegan and Sara song for the first time? What’s the best color to paint one’s toenails?


How To Post A Photo In The Comments:

1. Find a photo! This is the easy part. Find a photo on the web, right click (on a Mac, control+click), hit “Copy Image URL” and then…

2. Code it in to your comment! Use the following code, and use a DIRECT LINK to the image. Your image link should end in .JPG or .GIF or .PNG or .CallMeWhateverYouWant even. I don’t care, but it should be an image suffix! KINDA LIKE THIS:

If you need to upload the photo you love from your computer, try using imgur. To learn more about posting photos, check out Ali’s step-by-step guide.

How To Post A Video In The Comments, Too:

1. Find a video on YouTube or Vimeo or WHATEVER and click “embed.” Copy that code, but first make sure it’s for 640 px wide or less. If your player is too large, it will not display properly.

2. Copy the code and paste it directly into your comment.

3. Go forth and jam.


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535 Comments

  1. So I’d totally be down for having ghost sex with Francesca Woodman. Please and thank you. I love vodka with pretty much everything, and flavored vodkas–cupcake and marshmallow and birthday cake, et. al. My favorite favorite is this lemon-y blue thing with lots and lots and lots of vodka. But, I’m sure I’m much more like this orange rum I once downed a whole bottle of in one night. Strange and fruity and also rum.
    I’m adopting a dog (pretty sure she’s a wolf…her brother killed a cow…) tomorrow and I’m kind of freaking out about it. She’s BEAUTIFUL though. And so sweet. And vicious looking so I can go on hikes and walks at whatever hour or however removed from society I please without feeling at all scared for my safety.
    A friend of mine started dating my recent ex (we dated two years), and it’s strange. I don’t care too much, it doesn’t hurt as much as I was afraid it would, but it’s still…weird. Like, she and her boyfriend and my ex and I would hang out quite a bit, they were together as long as my ex and I were and during the same span of time. So it’s just weird. I also thought it would make me feel shitty to be the one that’s not the first to be in a new relationship but honestly, I don’t give a shit. I don’t feel an urge to hop on OKCupid or Tinder or whatever. I don’t feel (too much) of an urge to try to get in the pants of one of my coworkers who’s really cool and also TOTALLY closeted (I see you in those skinny pants and cardigans and with your intense devotion to your cats. I see you so hard). I’m just content with being totally single and working on myself and focusing more on increasing and bettering my friend group, and focusing on work. It also makes me feel somewhat good to know I don’t need a girlfriend to feel better about myself. I don’t NEED to be in a relationship. This is the first time I’ve felt like that, since I came out four years ago. I’ve just had a revolving door of ladies and I felt like I absolutely HAD to have at the very least a fuck buddy, or else I felt undesirable or something. But I have some things I want to accomplish before I bring another person into my life. I don’t want a repeat of my last relationship. And I think that takes bettering myself and my self-esteem.
    To that end, I’ve lost a little over thirty pounds since I broke up. I think that says a lot about that relationship. It makes me feel amazing, but I still have about fifty pounds to go before I’d feel TRULY happy with my body, but whatevs.

    • “Strange and fruity,” I love that description for the orange rum but also for yourself!

      omg a dogwolf?! that’s amazing though, i’m sure she’ll bring you lots of joy!

      yeah, that must be hard and weird to see that happen! i think it’s ok to have those feelings. but i’m really happy you’re investing more time on yourself before jumping into a relationship. i think it’s really important to do that, just to take some time on yourself before jumping into another thing!

    • Jealous of your new dog; I hope you post pics of her!

      I’m also enjoying the space being single has given me to work on myself, and using exercise routine to turn my life around. High-five to you and your inspiring post.

    • I’m curious to know how big the dog it, cause I met a lady once who had a dog that could take down a large bear cub and that dog is the size of a St. Bernard and the dog didn’t like it when unfamiliar masculine people(her words) came near her during walks.

      • She’s seventy-five pounds, give or take. She’s pretty tall and lanky and she has a lot of fur. But she’s definitely finished growing—she’s five. I don’t know how big her brother was or how big the cow was. Really, I think all it would take is a bite to the neck…I dunno. Apparently he was caught in the act and it was pretty bloody. When my family had cows, one of the cows tried to kill our dog, but beyond that, I can’t imagine a domesticated dog, even a pretty aggressive one, wanting to take out a cow. I don’t see WHY they’d want to.
        My parents’ dog killed a llama in his younger days…allegedly. He’s eight now and if you met him, you wouldn’t EVER believe that he was ever capable of that. He lets kids and cats and other dogs walk all over him. He’s just a lump of love. And he’s been like that since I’ve known him—four years. But he’s pretty big. He weighs eighty pounds right now and he’s pretty slim, but also broad-shouldered with a big chest and head. So I don’t know what that llama did to him, but it must’ve been pretty bad to warrant a cold-blooded murder.

  2. My life is weird. I got invited to the White House LGBT Tech & Innovation Summit, am trying to fundraise for the School for Poetic Computation, and just been told that I have a pretty decent chance of getting the “Extraordinary Talent” EB-1 US Green Card (a.k.a. the Special Snowflake Visa) if I can figure out how to scrounge up money for lawyer costs. Yay fruitful opportunity! Now to pay for all of it…

    I am going on vacation today, to visit friends and family in Reno, Tucson, and wherever in Virginia my aunt lives (including someone I met through A-Camp! Hi Maggie! <3). Also going to celebrate an American Eid! Am a bit sick though, bother. But hopefully I feel better.

    What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?

    I’ve always joked that my memoir would be called “Don’t Tell My Mother” and I have no idea what chapter would be fun. People keep telling me to write a memoir about visa stuff but whenever I do so I just get into angst mode instead.

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    “Urggghhh why am I sick the day I have to leave for vacation and do a couple of errands.” I’m probably “taking it with me” in the sense that I’ll still be sick, but I did take some meds, hopefully that changes things!

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Porrim Maryam from Homestuck. Sex positive feminists woo!

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?

    I like stuff with bubbles. My favourite cocktail is something I had in Brisbane called Tiger’s Milk, which is basically hot milk with honey liquer and possibly something else. So deceptively good – you don’t realize that it’s alcoholic until you start feeling woozy. Maybe that’s a metaphor for me, idk.

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Bwaha! Urgh, I don’t know, no one strikes me as being particularly attractive.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    Around this time 5 years ago I think I was just about or just entered a period of epic heartbreak and fallout with this chick I was trying to woo. Also it was around this time that the big fallout between me and the Australian burlesque scene started to happen. I guess I never really anticipated being halfway across the world, with a Masters degree (!!!), having had other queer relationships, and now moving on to the tech world.

  3. Oh man, I didn’t expect this. Should I have brought something with me? I should’ve brought something with me. I’m never prepared for interviews. Alright, I got this.

    Alright, my memoir would almost certainly be called Joyeux Noel, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t reached the best chapter in my life yet, but that’s okay because The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and Disney World still exist and I still have time. My first thought this morning was “oh shit please don’t let it be one” and I wound up waking myself up in a blind panic because I thought it was one and I swear to god if my friend doesn’t come over at one like he’s supposed to I will write him very strongly worded text messages

    I got compared to Tina from Bob’s Burgers throughout high school, so…that was a thing. I also identify with Bee from Bee and Puppycat and Amethyst from Steven Universe. So basically I’m a huge dork that watches only cartoons. And sometimes documentaries and food shows. Or documentaries with food.

    I keep trying to think of historical figures but I can only think of Josephine Baker and you know what? I’m pretty cool with that. Josephine Baker was a mega babe and a super badass in general. I’m sure I’ll think of someone else later but for now I’m pretty confident with my answer. The only problem is I would probably be intimidated by her coolness.

    And, uh, one thing about my life that I wouldn’t believe…um. I’m at a very weird spot in my life where I’m sure 14 year old me would be very confused about my life choices and to be honest, so am I. Maybe I will revisit this question in the future. In any case, I have a cat and she is the cutest fattest thing ever and everyone loves her even though my dad didn’t like cats and my mom was allergic.

    Editors, I wanna see your answers too!

  4. Riese: Have glue gun will travel – funniest chapter probably the one where I list other people’s anecdotes or list all the times I’ve injured myself and my mother has laughed…even when trying to apologise. Apparently it’s hilarious when I trip over handbags…

    Laneia: It’s my missus’ birthday, did I sleep through and miss it… No nope it’s fine. It affected my day in that we did lovely birthday things 🙂

    Heather: I aspire to be Esmerelda Weatherwax when I’m old. I can’t think of anyone that reminds me of me…

    Yvonne: Tequila. The El Diablo, not sure what’s in it besides tequila – ginger beer and lime and something. It’s firey but slightly sweet with a kick and sounds worse than it is.

    Alex: Nope!

    Rachel: I own a campervan. Life goal achieved.

  5. Riese: Glitter On My Tie, and Other Stories From My Weirdo Brain. The funniest chapter to write would definitely be about the seven month period when I dated seven basic ass dudes and then finally gave up and came out.

    Laneia: My first thought was “fuck all of it.” But then I made tea and now I am accepting some of it.

    Heather: On my best days I like to think I’m a books 5-7 Neville Longbottom. Today I feel like Helga Pataki.

    Yvonne: Whiskey on the rocks is my fav, but the world probably sees me as a Jack and Coke.

    Alex: Do I also have to be a ghost? If I’m also a ghost, it’s Joan of Arc. If I’m alive and they are dead, Emily Dickinson.

    Rachel: I am a professional writer who gets to put her words on the best website on the internet.

  6. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    God, there’s so many. I don’t know if there’s one perfect character, but there’s a rainbow of characters who are different shades of me. There’s Meg Murray’s sullen intelligence; Hermione Granger’s voracious appetite for books and her know-it-all attitude (especially when we were both young); there’s Dana Fairbanks’ absolute cluelessness around women; there’s JJ Jones’ getting ‘locked on,’ which is how my fiancee now warns me that I’ve gotten fixated on a subject. There’s Kamala Khan being a huge fangirl and figuring out how to be herself in a world that doesn’t quite get her. And there’s Anne Shirley’s imagination running wild in Avonlea.

    These characters have all reached into my heartspace and plucked the chords of my soul, you know? Set me quivering like a wine glass in the hand of an opera singer. I can’t choose one!

  7. I have had a long week of 5am starts and 8pm finishes and I am super sleepy and exhausted and I’m going over to a friend’s for veggie hotdogs and beer and it will be WONDERFUL.

    I have answered all of the questions except the ghost sex one because I can’t think of anyone for ghost sex!

    I come up with fake memoir titles ALL THE TIME and I have somehow forgotten all of them on the spot, probably something to do with swimming and sushi fights and befriending every cat I meet. The funnest chapter would probably be the second year of university and it would be called “Praisegod Barebones, that’s a lot of Christmas cards”.

    The first thought I had this morning was “I have started waking up at 6am without any sort of alarm, does this mean I am an adult now?”

    Fictional character that reminds me of me is Myka Bering because I’m a 5’9″ curly haired ex-fencer and book nerd with a crush on Jaime Murray.

    My favourite alcoholic beverage is probably cider but the one that best represents me is probably a fruity craft beer that initially seems like a cool craft beer but actually it tastes mostly of juice.

    As for a thing about my life now that I wouldn’t have believed five years ago: tonight I am going over to a friends for veggie hotdogs and I never thought I would be in a position where I would have so many close friends around me whom I could walk down the road to see and have food and beers with.

    (Also, to add to my earlier comment about not thinking of anyone for ghost sex: probably the woman Emma Donoghue based The Sealed Letter on. I am having an Emma Donoghue phase right now.)

    • aw that’s so great about having close friends nearby now! i am really happy for you, say hi to your friends for us. what brand of veggie hot dogs do you use? i have never liked them but maybe i just haven’t tried the right kind.

      • We got the cheap ones from Sainsbury’s but we loaded them with homemade slaw and crispy onions and loads of ketchup and piri piri mayo and cheese and they were awesome! I guess if you have enough other stuff it could counteract a sub-par veggie hotdog?

        And my friends say hi too!

      • Sort of a swimmer? I’ve never done anything competitively, I just try to go a couple of times a week for fitness, but I guess swimming has the same calming effect on me that yoga has on other people? I mostly just swim lots of front crawl and then give myself breaks with a couple of lengths of breast stroke, but I’ve been having a hard time finding the time to go now so where I used to be doing 100-120+ lengths at a time I can now only manage about 60-80, which is a bit rubbish – I’m hoping summer will give me some time to get back in the habit!

        How about you?

    • Can I put in a formal request to say Praisegod Barebones in my life all the time? I’m a sucker for super funny, odd interjections like this…

      also YAY CLOSE FRIENDS! what a great point to be at in your life, where you are surrounded by folks with whom you can easily spend time and who (hopefully, probably!) make you feel comfortable and happy.

  8. My first thought this morning was definitely “oh shit shit do I have time to wash my hair?! What state is it in (not good)?! Yes I have to wash it. Shit have to actually get out of bed….blergh”. This was followed by sleepy falling all over my house trying to sort my life out and also get to work in time. Glorious.

    I would totally have sex with Tove Jansson. Maybe purely for the random chats afterwards about her work (mainly the Moomins). Although ask me the same question in an hour and it will almost definitely have changed. 🙂

  9. The first thing I thought about this morning was the dream I had last night about a golf ball sized spider running around my house. I have a deep fear of spiders so this was not a good dream. I think the dream stems from the spiders outside my office where my boss and I eat lunch.

    I can’t think of a fictional character that reminds me of myself right now and that’s going to bug me all day.

    Ever since I was a kid I wanted to write a memoir called “If Mirrors Could Talk”, but if I actually wrote my memoir I would wan the title to reflect the sort duality of intense happiness and intense sadness that I have had in my life. The funnest chapter would be about my families travels around the country.

    I don’t really drink alcohol, but I do like Jack and Coke. This weekend I went to Applebees and ordered a frozen mango lemonade and I’m positive they gave me the alcoholic version. I was really disappointed, but at least they didn’t charge me more for it.

    Is it weird if I would have sex with Abraham Lincoln? I’ve had the strangest crush on him since I was a small child. But also Cleopatra maybe? She seems like she would have been fun and badass.

    I think the biggest thing I wouldn’t have believed five years ago is that my parents would get divorced.

    Tonight is opening night of the play I’m staring in and I’m super nervous, but also really excited. This is the first time I have acted since I was in third grade and I’ve had to learn the hard lesson that being cute doesn’t matter if you don’t know your lines.

  10. I don’t know if/when I had a coherent thought this morning, but my first thought upon opening this post and seeing the picture was a sudden burst of concern for tripod manufacturers. I mean, with the unstoppable ascendency of the selfie, has the market for tripods collapsed? Obvs there are selfie-sticks now, but they are so cheap-ass I can’t see them covering the gap. I really hope tripod makers have diversified and no-one is going unemployed.

      • Rachel, I find your sentiments and wordplay both extremely comforting, thank you.

        I should point out that tripods are not the only three-pronged devices I have a strong affinity for; once I had a strange brain freeze for several months where I found it impossible to remember the word theodolite. The only way I could get over it was by reciting it over and over again: theodolite, theodolite, theodolite. I also had the same thing happen with the word quarantine, which seems impossible considering how much x-files I’ve watched. So, there we go.

  11. My first thought this morning was “why is the cat meowing in my ear at 5am!?!” which then resulted in me pushing her off the bed and feeling really guilty about it. All she wanted was my attention, it’s not her fault her timing was crap. But then I rolled over and passed out again (because no one should be awake for too long at 5am). My cat forgave me when I woke up a couple hours later and fed her so now I can go on with my day guilt free!

  12. —The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?—

    I first noticed there was a rumbly in my tumbly and thought, “HUNGRY. NEED MY VANILLA GREEK YOGURT.” (Check!) And also, “damn that dream was a nightmare…that didn’t really happen, right? …I need to study.” (Working on it…)

    “What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?”

    A lot of people tell me Katniss from Hunger Games reminds them of me. I thought so, too, while reading.

  13. What would you title your memoir? You couldn’t have told me that sooner?

    What chapter would be the funnest to write? The chapter where I describe running away from home by joining the army … and all the situations that followed.

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Thank god it’s the last day of the week and I have no classes to teach. Put me in a good mood the whole day.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Daffy Duck

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? something cold when it’s hot, and hot when it’s cold.

    What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? a non-alcoholic beverage … because I’m just a walking contradiction in terms.

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be? Sappho

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? Pretty much nothing about the vicissitudes and vagaries of my life are beyond my belief.

  14. I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU GUYS. Are you all staying in someone’s house and sharing communal meals and fighting about who uses the shower in the morning, because that would be the cutest thing ever.

    I’m also gonna attempt to use html or whatever, someone fix it for me if I fail?

    What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?:
    I think I would call it “everything connects”, cuz it really has. But then it would have a subtitle called “eventually” with a sub-subtitle saying “so just fucking relax”. And my coming out chapter would be the most fun to write because that’s when everything realllllly connected, if ya know what i mean (which you do).

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?:

    “Fuck I have to work today/I feel sick/I hate everything/I might actually die/I can’t do this anymore”. It was melodramatic but I have the worst allergies right now and everything is tainted with my snotty nose and itchy eyes (literally and metaphorically).

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?:

    I’m so fucking queer but I used to be so fucking straight, so. Also that I’ve somehow found the courage to ~pursue my dreams~. Take that, anxiety.

  15. My first thought this morning was “why is the cat meowing in my ear at 5am!?!” which then resulted in me pushing her off the bed and feeling really guilty about it. All she wanted was my attention, it’s not her fault her timing was crap. But then I rolled over and passed out again (because no one should be awake for too long at 5am). My cat forgave me when I woke up a couple hours later and fed her so now I can go on with my day guilt free!

    On a side note: when I fell asleep the second time I had this really weird dream that Laverne Cox was hosting a talk show and she wanted me to be in her first episode. So I went to a hotel room to get ready and there I ran into Kaitlyn Alexander and Sharon Belle. Dream me got so excited asking them for a picture that I actually managed to wake myself up. So I guess my second first thought of the day was about how disappointed I am that I didn’t actually get to meet Laverne Cox, Kaitlyn Alexander OR Sharon Belle.

  16. I haven’t had time to comment AT ALL this week, but I love that Tell Us Everything Week has happened and that you’ve publicly affirmed your love of comments–I love reading them but am always worried that they’re an imposition.

    Laneia’s question: I woke up this morning in an anxious tumult, so funny you should ask! I have acted on the thing that made me nervous and am now nervous about what comes next, hooray.

    Heather’s question: I don’t know about “reminds me of myself,” but I feel a true kinship with Harriet the Spy, always, for better and for worse. (This article about her is one of my favourite things ever, and I do like tomato sandwiches and notebooks.)

  17. I have to say a bourbon Old Fashioned is my favorite drink because I live in Wisconsin.

    Katherine Hepburn, hands down. Such swagger, much bossness. She can get it.

    Something about my life now that i wouldn’t have believed 5 years ago: I’m actually working in my dream job (summer camp director) and my pastor’s wife of a sister has become the most fervent and outspoken ally I know.

  18. If me from five years ago met me from today, Former Me would be terrified of Current Me. “You’re an adult!” she’d say. “You’re competent! You have a steady job in this time when no one is getting jobs! And wait, you’re a lesbian and people still like you and the world hasn’t ended? There’s hope!”

    Then Current Me would say, “thank you, thank you so much,” while thinking, “eh, I’m not really an adult, but maybe I am, so I’ll just stay quiet and let her assume I’m competent.”

    I’m on a martini kick nowadays and Former Me would probably be terrified of that too.

    First thought = “ow my back.” Which kind of has defined my day because my back still hurts, but I saw a doctor and it turns out I have an infection that can be fixed with antibiotics.

    P.S. The USWNT ticket-tape parade. Omg yay <3 <3 <3

  19. I pretty much couldn’t wait for the open thread this week because I need to tell you fine Straddlers what happened last weekend. 😀

    So I met up with my grad school buddy/podcasting pal/my best straight-but-not-narrow bro last weekend. We haven’t seen each other in the flesh for a few years due to the fact he lives in Chicago and I live in FL. He invited his ex-girlfriend from undergrad turned good friend to join us for a night of partying (They dated almost a decade ago). She lives locally to me, but I never met her, despite the fact she has appeared on our show before. Well, the two of us instantly hit it off before adult beverages were consumed. We just naturally played off of each other’s humor.

    We ended up going to a few gay bars (Assuming I was the token queer). My buddy pulls me aside and tells me that his ex thinks I’m cute, and I’m like, “That’s all I need to know, because I thought she was straight and I find her adorable. I just didn’t know how she would take it if I said that to her, plus she’s your EX.”

    Yada yada yada, I tell her that I think she’s “Funny and cute as fuck” and we start to make out in the back of this club. Drinks start flowing more and more and we move to a different club. This girl comes up behind my newly found make out pal and puts her hands around her neck and starts to grind against her. I’m livid, so I tap the handsy chick on the shoulder and I say, “Hey, get your fucking hands off of her, would you like for someone to do that to you?!” The chick gets scared and leaves, mind you I’m all of 5’0 and 115lbs and not intimidating looking, so I’m thankful for the liquid courage I had. I don’t even remember what she looked like, but I’m going to imagine that she was as big as King Kong just to up my street cred a bit. :p

    The girl that I’m hanging with was literally in tears and she said, “Nobody has ever stood up for me the way you just did.” Yada yada yada, we ended up messing around like drunk college kids in the back of our Lyft before going back to the condo rental. Mind you, we’re all close to 30 and have “grown up jobs” and I haven’t acted this way for a good 5 years.

    The next day rolls around and we’re all back to being sober. I tell her that I would obviously love to meet up again and go for drinks and dinner, she agrees and needless to say we’re going out next week. I really like this girl a lot, but it is a bit strange that she is my best guy friend’s ex, but he basically set us up which is pretty sweet. I’m not taking anything too serious right now, but it’s weird how life works sometimes. She has never dated a girl before, but I certainly don’t mind being a teacher.

  20. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    A tie between Tara Maclay and Paige McCullers!

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I have a real girlfriend now, who likes me as much as I like her.

  21. WELL SINCE YOU ASKED–my first thought was “what is sitting on me” because apparently my girlfriend decided she didn’t want any pillows, thank you very much, in the middle of the night, and piled them all on me instead; my next thought, after emerging from my pillow fort, was “why didn’t the alarm go off”, and then I remembered that even though I work today, she doesn’t, and there was no alarm because I thought she had already set one. And that pretty much made me bitter towards going to work today, but then when I got here, I remembered how much I like my job, and had a moment of gratitude, and so I guess it kind of turned around.

    Wow, if you hadn’t asked, I don’t think I would have really reflected on that at all.

  22. Memoir: “I Don’t Think I Can Fix That” Applicable all the way from personal life to the almost daily conversations with my bosses regarding what new thing is horrifically broken in the lab. Seriously. The constant revelations regarding a super expensive system we bought some years back makes me want to drive up to Boston so i can beat the people who built it with a blunt object. On the bright side, today I did manage to find the $2000 tube lens I had thought I lost!

    Drink: Dark and stormy, usually using goya ginger beer

    First thought: My back still hurts….that means I can skip lifting this morning guilt-free!

  23. Ooh fun!

    The first thought I had was about my dreams. I always have vivid emotional dreams. This one was some sort of argument with my mom and brother, which is somewhat puzzling since I’m on good terms with them. I sent my mom a text this morning- we often text, but I guess the dream made me want to connect with my family more.

    My memoir would be Yellow, after my favorite Coldplay song. The funnest chapter is still in the future.

    Fictional characters-
    Eeyore (sp?) or fern from Charlotte’s web, for different reasons.

    I honestly couldn’t have predicted much of my life at all 5 years ago. I wouldn’t have predicted how my relationship with my brother would develop when we became adults (mostly for the better).

    I don’t drink. I’ll take coffee.

    And, uh… I don’t really develop crushes on dead people. ha… I’ll have to give that one some thought.

    In other news…
    Summer means beach-walking and tide-pool exploring. It’s jellyfish season. Look! This one at low tide is giant, and I think it’s what whale snot must look like.

    Also, here’s an old dilapidated staircase hanging off the hillside of one of my favorite beaches. I’ve climbed up it once before, though it didn’t feel particularly safe. It reminded me of a funhouse or Escher painting.

    Unfortunately, the heat means wildfires in dryer regions of the state. There’s a lot of haze in the sky from distant fires, eerily pink in the sunrise and sunset,. Everyone stay safe! 🙁

    Also, I’m going backpacking next week on my days off!

    I’ve been feeling more optimistic lately, hopeful. Trying to focus on gratitudes. I’m so grateful to live in this time and place. As a woman. As a queer woman. Sure, there’s still discrimination and stigmatization, but I truly believe society is making progress. And I have so much privelage: as a person with healthcare, an education, a living wage. Honestly, the only barriers are the ones I’ve erected for myself, partly as a result of a lifelong struggle with anxiety disorders and an overall tenancy to be a loner. But …I’m 25 (nearly 26, ugh) and have all the opportunity in the world. The future is good. I think it’s a combination of chemistry (new meds) and gradually coming out to myself, accepting it as okay, and meeting others in the queer community, first online and then in real life. As courage grows, it becomes a virtuous cycle, the opposite of a vicious cycle, generating more courage and hope.

  24. Riese: What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?

    I’m a Convert: Isn’t that Enough?
    Umm, the chapter on becoming a writer, because what writer doesn’t love writing about writing??

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    “Where is my head?” I fell asleep on my keyboard. It affect a few hours of my day due to the impressions the keys left on my face.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Anne of Green Gables. My friendships are so much more important to me than anything else. As a child I had a terrible temper and was always getting into weird situations.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?

    Whisky Sour. (acts tough, but is pretty sweet. I think it is THE tender butch of drinks.)

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Jane Austen

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    I worked a terrible job for a year. I never thought I’d let myself be treated like garbage, but I did. Now I have a great job!

  25. my first thought when i woke up: i was in the middle of a very vivid dream in which i’d accidentally booked two tinder dates on the same night at the SAME TIME, so in said dream i was frantically running between two different bars with two different girls, and i was SO AFRAID they would both find out what i was up to, so i actually woke myself up to escape from the dream and then frantically checked my phone to make sure that i did not, in fact, double-book dates for myself over the weekend.

  26. I would title my memoir “She Was Nice.” But my wife says I’m not much of a storyteller and it’s true. I forget about plot and character development and just state the facts about what happened. The end. But the title and my user name comes from a teen novel that I read years ago where one girl is putting down another and says something about do you just want your gravestone to say she was nice. And I thought yes, that is what I want to go on top of a grave where the worms and bugs can eat my body. I believe in kindness and in people (even when they drive me crazy).

    My current drink of choice is wine left over from our wedding last year (there was an ice storm so people didn’t linger to drink, still the snow pictures were beautiful and everyone made it home safely) mixed with lemonade. I haven’t been much of a drinker until this past year, in my thirties. My wife and I tried to make a baby/get me pregnant with her gametes from pre-transition but it didn’t work. So maybe I’m in part mad at my body. So I’m feeding it more junk food than I use to and drinking a part of a glass of wine several evening each week.

    Also I’m closing down my child care business that I’ve had for ten years and getting some part-time jobs, so things have been more up in the air and stressful than usual.

    Five years ago I wouldn’t have believed that I would be married. And quite truthfully I wouldn’t have believed that I would be in a situation where I do most of the housework in addition to being responsible for most of the day to day aspects of our household (my wife has depression and anxiety that can make things difficult). At the same time I wouldn’t have believed that I still don’t have a kid.

    Okay, that last paragraph made me sad so here is my happy moment from the day. This morning two three-year-olds and I were walking downtown to the library. We saw some water flowing by the curb. I gave them some small leaves to float down the water. We spent a fair amount of time watching the leaves. Then we followed them down stream and saw many of them getting stuck. We followed the flow of the water until part of it went to a busy street with no sidewalk and the other part ran out.

  27. Riese: I don’t know what my memoir would be called but the funniest chapter would be the one I would write about my life right now. I have had some pretty funny stuff happen to me in the last 4 or so months.
    Laneia: “I should just get up and go to the gym” was my first thought this morning and I did, got up at 4 am went to the gym it was great I love the outside world at 4 in the morning everything just feels so fresh and new.
    Heather: I would say Gail Peck, we both have the same out look in life except for kids I really don’t like children.
    Yonne: I enjoy a good spiced rum and gingerale, though I am into mixing lemonade, ice tea, and spiced rum with ice, its refreshing in the hot weather we are currently experiencing.
    Alex: Emily Carr, she was an amazing painter and really should have been apart of the group of seven.
    Rachel: I wouldn’t have believed that I would be leaving on the West Coast way from my friends and family running my own department.

  28. Well this is delightful. I will answer those questions this weekend probably maybe.

    You should pm me your address and I’ll have a pizza delivered as part of my yearly AS donation. (Let me know what toppings too).

    HAI EDITORS!

  29. Hi! I have a question for Yvonne and Alex: Do you know anyone who actually puts peas in guacamole? Sacrilege! This week I got promoted and read a really good graphic novel called Strange Fruit: Uncelebrated Narratives from Black History. Now on to the interview:
    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    –Hermione Granger! I’m a voracious reader, smart, strong, and I have really big hair.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    –I wouldn’t have believed how much I could fuck up, and then I wouldn’t have believed that everyone fucks up, all throughout life. And we all keep going anyway.

  30. I always identified strongly with Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables, especially as a kid. She’s so damn stubborn. Kind of a know-it-all. Also legitimately smart. But not about everything.
    We’re both emotional and sentimental – about both people and places. And one thing I had forgotten that I realized when I read the books last year is that she’s also pretty compassionate. I’d like to think I am too.

    Oh, there’s also the daydreaming!

  31. Oh my gosh, I suck at titles for things, so my memoir would probably be something called “Stuff and Things” or “This Is What My Friends Told Me To Write”. Probably the best chapter to write would be the one where I talk about when I used to date guys before I figured out I was gay.

    I’m pretty sure my first thought every day is “Okay, time to get up. I can do this”. I like to think I carry the “I can do this” part with me more often than not, but I don’t really know for sure. Now I’ll work on being more aware of that!

    I see a lot of myself in a lot of characters, and I realize this sounds super self-aggrandizing, but I really identify with Korra. She’s got a strong sense of right and wrong, she does her best to protect people she cares about, but she’s also really impulsive. That’s kind of what I’m like, only without the sweet bending powers (so far).

    Y’all, I would have ghost sex with Julie D’Aubigny, the totally badass opera singer/swordswoman from the 16th century. She’s the one who posed as a nun and then burned down a convent to spring her girlfriend!

    Five years ago I wouldn’t believe I’d be in a completely different living/relationship situation, or that I’d work for a university.

  32. “What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)”

    Well, so far, I’ve been calling it “The Story of Rachel” because I’m boring as shit.

    So far, I don’t see any of it being particularly fun.

    “The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?”

    My first thought was “Well I guess it’s not too egregiously hot in here.” I imagine it’ll not be too relevant the rest of the day.

    “What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?”

    Pam Poovey.

    “What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?”

    Guinness.

    “What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?”

    Green Russians.

    “If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?”

    Being ace, I’m gonna have to skip this one.

    “What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?”

    That I’m better off without my ex.

  33. Riese: What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?

    I would be terrible at memoiring but maybe I could make a scrapbook zine type deal. The title always comes last so I don’t know yet. I’d enjoy showing my travels as a dual citizen slash itchy-feet haver who keeps running away (not a positive thing but…).

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    It will affect my day by giving me little private smiles every now and then but it hasn’t changed my course.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    I mostly consume media with characters nothing like myself so I can’t think of one now. Aw I do love the main character in Mark Haddon’s A Spot of Bother, I could be a toned down version of him. He discovers a lesion on his leg and is convinced he’s going to die, and his anxiety is written so well, like at one point he starts thinking about the lesion and suddenly everything slides sideways. I can’t find the quote but it’s so good. And he is a kind and caring man who is mystified by other people.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?

    I like a Dark and Stormy, which is dark rum and ginger beer, although I think I also put coke in it once and it was good? I don’t think any beverage represents me. I represent myself damnit!

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Ooh I was stuck for a while but I do think Heath Ledger was an undeniably attractive man, bless him. I don’t believe in ghosts though :/

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    I’m starting my PhD in Holland in 3 weeks and 5 years ago I was in my final year of my BA and the only thing I thought I knew about my career plan was that I didn’t want to go into research. Even six months ago I wouldn’t have believed that I’d be excited to do a PhD or move to Holland, never mind both.

  34. Making a point to post a comment as opposed to simply saying things out loud to my dogs is fun!

    The title of my memoir would be The Enigma that is Samantha J. Green, and the funnest chapter to write would be Introvert Problems.

    The first thought I had this morning was am I becoming an owl? because I woke up at nearly noon. LOL I haven’t thought too much about it because it’s the typical summer life of a teacher (yawn…nap time).

    There are far too many fictional characters that have something about them that reminds me of myself. I have two dogs: Khaleesi Doccubus True-Zona Pretty Morgan Green and Cosima Olivia Benson Modern Story Grayson Green. So…there are A LOT of characters I love!

    I don’t have a favorite alcoholic beverage. I don’t like the taste, so I don’t drink. I would say that the alcoholic beverage that represents me is a virgin…anything.

    Hmm…sex with a dead famous person? I’m gonna say that my V Card makes me exempt from answering this. 🙂

    There isn’t anything about me now that I wouldn’t have believed five years ago. Perhaps, it’s my mindset of anything is possible!

  35. >What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I’d be working on a dissertation based around mathematical modeling. Math and I were still not friends at that point (though slowly getting there). I figured I’d go into biosignature detection or something else equally vague and nebulous sounding.

    (Heck, between that and telling me I’d be an out trans lesbian, I would’ve be *way* more surprised by the former than the latter)

    >The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    My first thought was waking up and seeing my fiancee lying beside me, and how happy that made me- I’ve been on travel, visiting family for the past week and a half, and I missed her a lot.

    There’s been a bit of worry attached to that, though- we’ve tentatively set our wedding date (Halloween 2016!), and have started talking about kids, all of which is really cool. But, being someone who has a background in an environmental science, I get a lot of exposure to the stark reality that Things May Very Well Get Bad, And Sooner Than We Would Like. That makes it a little scary to think about the future- what world will our children grow up in? How are we, as a people, going to adapt to, or better yet, try to solve the crises we are facing? I fully believe we can get ourselves out of this mess, but it can frustrating how slow progress has been (on the other hand, gay marriage went from political kryptonite to universal in less than 15 years, so there is still reason to hope).

    It does make you value what you have now, though, so all in all, as sobering as it is, it’s been a net positive for today.

    >What would you title your memoir?

    Ideally? Girl on Mars. Because I would’ve gone to Mars. And it would’ve been awesome. Based on my life up to the present, not sure- I’ve only really become myself in the last year or so, so it would mostly feel like I’d be writing about someone else’s life (actually, *that* would be a good title- Someone Else’s Life). Admittedly, that someone else did do a lot of cool things (probably the most fun would be writing about the summer I interned with NASA), but that someone wasn’t quite me. Not yet.

    • that’s such a good point about having kids and the future of the environment/world — i try not to think about it too hard because it stresses me out, but i’m glad that you think we are not necessarily totally doomed! also i’m so jealous of your halloween wedding ugh it’s going to be amazing!

      • Well, as Alex Steffen likes to say, optimism is a political act- by assuming we’re all screwed and giving in to cynicism and pessimism (and assuming we’re powerless to do anything about it), we’re letting the status quo remain unchallenged. I also believe that, no matter how much the odds are stacked against us, we have a moral imperative to fight for a livable and equitable future- to do otherwise is to potentially consign billions of people to misery.

        On a lighter note, OMG I’m so excited about the wedding! We’re planning on doing a masquerade ball. It’s going to be the gayest thing EVER!

  36. First thought this morning was ‘whoop, kids at their dads’ I had no further thoughts until 3pm when I thought I should probably get up.

    Once a month I get a proper unlimited lie in and it is GLORIOUS.

    Also. Gin. In a teacup. Or maybe a proper pint of actual real ale in an actual pub.

    I’m actually feeling really anxious today, but I did a slaughter of some aphids that were eating my nasturtiums and dead headed some flowers to feed to the rabbits, and the cats haven’t brought us any dead animals today, so I’m feeling more in tune with nature than I was. Which is nice.

  37. The title of my memoir is easy, I’ve known that since the sixth grade. My memoir will be called “Absurd, and Other Big Words”. Story behind that is basically, in sixth grade, some friends made fun of me for saying something was “absurd”, instead of saying “stupid” or “dumb” or “silly”. They thought it was a five dollar word, and being smart and having a big vocabulary is obviously super uncool to twelve-year olds. But my memoir will be all about owning my uncoolness and smarts.

    The chapter that will be the most fun to write is one I’ve actually already started, which is titled “I should have known I was gay when….” and is essentially just a list of all the SUPER DUPER GAY things I did when I was younger that should have been giant flashing lights that I was a total queermo. Things like refusing to wear a dress when I was my aunt’s maid of honour, or getting distracted from my math homework because I was busy staring down my tutor’s shirt.

    First thought I had this morning was the same as most every morning, which was “Pandora [my cat] shut uuuuuup and let me sleep!”

    Fictional character that reminds me of myself? I don’t know that any character gets it perfect, but there are definitely a lot of things I can relate to in Rory Gilmore and Spencer Hastings. Combine the two of them, and you get most of me, I think.

    Generally, I’m a beer drinker. But I’m not really all that adventurous about my beer. So something Canadian, and pretty standard. Let’s say Alexander Keiths, which is usually my go-to anyway.

    Re: ghost sex, Izzie and Denny ruined that idea for me a long time ago. Not into it.

  38. Ola,
    I love those questions, but my mind isn’t doing the thinking thing at the moment so I will refrain from answering them.
    I’m two weeks away from my dissertation deadline and slowly freaking out. I have heaps of interesting data which is great but this also means lots and lots of analyzing. So far I have reached the conclusion that thing vary, a lot. Sadly, the words; biology, it is complicated, do not constitute a dissertation.
    -> Me and my data now

    -> Me in 15 minutes when I give up for the day

  39. Riese: Crying Into Tacos

    Laneia: Omg, I think I have a mild hangover, I should shower. And then I did and I was fine.

    Heather: Hermonie Granger and also Lane Kim from Gilmore Girls but mostly how she relates to her mother and nothing else

    Yvonne: I’m answering my own questions, ok. I love IPA beers. My favorite is Community Mosaic IPA. And the one that represents me, hmmm. This one is a hard one. Maybe I am an IPA beer?

    Alex: Frida Kahlo

    Rachel: Haha working for Autostraddle.com

  40. I keep trying to think about what I’d title my memoir, but I feel like I’m not going to know the answer to that until I’m 60 and writing it and I have enough perspective to conjure up an overarching metaphor for my life which can be summed up in a pithy 3-4 word title (hopefully). I’m so jealous that Kate Bornstein came up with A Queer and Pleasant Danger. That’s absolute genius. I’d probably call my memoir Wow because I say wow a lot and I think a lot of things have happened to me that would just make a person go Wow. I feel like the most fun chapter to read and the most fun chapter to write would be very different things (funnest isn’t a word SORRY FOR BEING THAT GUY). I think my chapters on A Camp are going to be reaaaalllly fun to write.

    The first thought I had this morning was “yessssss” because I realized that 1) my cat let me sleep in, 2) she was cuddled up right next to me and 3) that I have the day off! Who knows what I will do today. I haven’t decided yet, but it will probably involve reading a book outside.

    The fictional character that reminds me most of myself is Wall-E.

    I’m really into alcoholic beverages that are either spicy, floral, or have a refreshing cucumber/mint/ginger thing going on. Also, gin. The alcoholic beverage that represents me the most is probably kombucha because I’m like a sweet tea that grows sassier with age.

    I would totally get it on with ghost Vita Sackville West.

    5 years ago I never would’ve guessed that my “chart” would look anything like it does. That thing looks like a fucking spider web. I remember years and years ago watching The L Word in my bed and thinking to myself, “Hm, that’s strange, I don’t have any lesbian drama in MY life. It must be just a stereotype.” It was because I didn’t know any lesbians. Then I met some lesbians. Now I have some of the greatest friends you will ever meet. And everyone has hooked up with everyone.

  41. Also a thing that happened was that my 8yo had homework where she had to say what wishes she would make. Her first one was ‘I would make it so people would be kind to lesbians and gay men’ which was lovely enough, but I wish I taken taken a photo of the picture she drew of a man and woman holding hands and saying hi to two men who were holding hands and wearing matching t shirts that said ‘boys rule’.

  42. I don’t know the name of my memoir, but the funnest chapter to write would definitely be when I lived in Mozambique…the weirdest would be the last few months of grad school writing my thesis, working at a coffee/bagel shop and surviving on coffee, bagels, and IPAs, and living in an apodment.

    My first thought was how many hours do I have left until I leave…and then oh shit, I need to pack.

    Micheladas/Bloody Mary’s are my favorite, though its quite possible the world sees me as an IPA (my second love).

    And finally, a cute animal video:

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    @Davidsobra twiterPosted by David Sobrá on Tuesday, June 16, 2015

  43. What was your first thought this morning?

    Why is my tablet making that noise???? Turns out it was just a Facebook comment so I probably won’t be carrying that thought with me for the rest of the day.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Have any of you read The Nao of Brown? Mey probably has. Anyway, it’s amazing and the main character, Nao Brown, reminds me of myself and I should probably be a little worried about that but whatevs.

    And as for ghost sex. Lauren Bacall because, I mean, c’mon.

    You guys, I finally got around to watching Hayley Kiyoko’s video for “Girls Like Girls” and it is a masterpiece. Like, if it was a full length movie, It would probably be one of my favorite movies of all time. I have a weakness for stories about teenage queer girls. And I think it’s because I never got the chance to be one. Some of you may know by now that I’m trans. And I’m 29 and I didn’t really come to grips with the fact that I’m trans until a few years ago. But I think I always sort of knew.

    So whenever I was close friends with a girl in high school, had a crush on a girl (which was often) and especially when I first fell in love for real when I was 17, it just never felt completely right to me. And I think it’s because I usually wasn’t ever able to receive that closeness that I would see female friends have with each other. I wanted to hold hands or to cuddle while watching movies together. And I got the impression that most girls thought of me as less than a guy, but still not really a girl. And that’s a tough space to be in when you’re 17 and desperately want to be loved and you don’t even know words like genderqueer exist and you don’t even know trans women can be lesbians.

    So, anyway, all of this is my roundabout way of saying, I absolutely lose it for stories about young queer girls. I know I’m romanticizing it. I know it was absolute hell for most of you, but it’s all I wanted when I was a teenager. So, when I watched that video I CRIED MY FUCKING EYES OUT. I was basically like this.

    And by the end of the video I was more like this (but still crying obviously)

    So, that’s where my life is at at the moment, y’all. How’s yours going?

  44. Hi editors I’ve known and editors I haven’t – you all look so glowy.

    Recently I realized I haven’t listened to Tegan & Sara in over at least six months, which I probably could have feelings about if I tried, but I would like to wait until I need to.
    I’m reading Autostraddle again – like, as of today – and “I Love Dick,” which is just as good as a certain feminist community (ok, obviously: tumblr) told me it was. These two things are interacting with the boringly stable life I’m apathetically living, AS urging me to GET INTERESTED while Chris Kraus is like, ‘are you game?’
    (Lastly – tonight I am going to be wearing a maroon dress, which raises all the personal questions I’ve been having lately about a signature nail polish color.)

  45. What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    I think “Growing into Love” would be a good title for a memoir if it was about my life. Parts of it would be very sad, but I think that talking about my gay high school experiences would probably be the most hilarious (naked sleep overs, trying to remove the word ‘lesbian’ written in sharpie from my arm before going home, helping a friend style her pubic hair). Other things that might be quite funny are things about my current life experiences and relationship.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    Five years ago I would not have trusted anyone who told me that I would be happy or feel loved. I was incredibly depressed for a very long time, and had a very hard time feeling like I was worthy of love and I definitely could not talk about my feelings without sobbing. I feel now, like I have recovered a great deal from past abuse and interpersonal terrorism. I still sometimes cry a little when someone gives me too serious a look and I still need to ask to make sure that my gf is not mad at me when she is in a bad mood (on the rare occasion that she hasn’t already told me that it’s not about me). But most of the time I am fine and happy and assured.

    I have a partner who loves me deeply, a home that we share and take care of together, the cutest dog on the planet, and a stable job. I couldn’t be luckier. Last night my gf braided the top part of my short hair to help me put a new texture in it, then we rolled around on the floor and played a puzzle game and made Stitch noises for an hour. We laughed all night long, until we fell asleep together.

    My life is so different than five years ago, and I am so different. The fog of depression and the nag of anxiety are still slowly creeping away from me and have been now for the last 4 years. They still visit me now, but I know they are unwelcome visitors and I can kick them out much faster than I used to be able to.

  46. so I’ve gotten really into sneakers lately? It’s entirely this website’s fault – I saw the sugarbooty blackout mix, visited Claire’s twitter, followed a link to Nice Kicks, and looked up 6 hours later with two new pairs of shoes and a tumblr dedicated to all the ones I want that I can’t afford.

    Anyway, now I’m seriously contemplating buying one or more kicks from Nike’s gay pride Be True line. (The Adidas pride pack is much prettier, but appears to be sold out in my size.)

    However: I also feel dislike the corporate takeover of pride month/parades, and wouldn’t giving money towards that effort endorse it? (But on the other hand, awesome rainbows on my feet… so conflicted!)

    Anyway, here are photos of two of the awesome ones that I can’t find to buy anyway (one of the Adidas’, plus a really sick Nike from the first edition of this pack, back in 2012).


  47. 1) I Got Better! If I talk about my life long enough everyone feels terrible, but I keep promising the bad parts are over now.

    2) I only almost-love like, half my clothes. My roomate has a sewing machine, I should do some textile based science! I have all the clothes pinned, where they’ll likely sit for at least a week before I feel motivated enough to knock them out.

    3)I dunno, fictional characters are usually not able to be as much of a disaster as I am while having their shit together as much as I do? I don’t wanna say they’re two dimensional since they absolutely are not that, but they have a theme usually, that I do not.

    4) Ciders, just all of them. One time I was in Flagstaff in march and it was cold af, so every shop started looking really cute, but we went to this brewing co. The awesome kind that does coffee and beer. So one of the drinks on the menu was a Whai, Chai with your choice of whiskey in it. I had it with Fireball, and if I could ever be described as that spiced, warming-from-the-inside drink I’d be very pleased with myself.

    5) Elizabeth Peratrovich, who has a holiday in Alaska for being a smart ass in court, and straight up embarrassing the legislators into passing an anti-discrimination act so landlords would stop turning down her perfectly good money. She seems like a stern hand, is what I’m saying.

    6) That I’d get up the nerve to take that motorcycle class. And buy that motorcycle. And kinda sorta ask that girl out. And go to camp. And ride a newer, better motorcycle to camp. And learn to dance. And learn to drink. And learn to change the oil. And finally get a handle on cutting my own hair. I’m only 25, so this was a very productive period for me.

  48. My first thought this morning was, “Why did the dogs let us sleep until 8:30am?” Lately they’ve been making us get up around 5:30am and then they nap all day like a bunch of jerks.

    Things I wouldn’t have believed about my life now five years ago: I’m married (to a lady) and have a haircut that I love.

    I am beer. ‘Nuff said.

  49. omg thank you for Comment Week, this is making my life, and I love this round of Friday Open Thread because… I love pretending that I am Cool Enough For An Interview!!!! <3 you editorial team, y'all make our lives better.

    What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?) “Aww, Team, What the Fuck?: All of the Feelings Forever and Ever,” by Lena and her ghostwriter John Oliver. I think the fun-nest chapter to write would be the one where I just talk about sea otters for thirty pages because I LOVE SEA OTTERS, but not sure what the funniest would be. My ghostwriter Mr. Oliver would help me out there.

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing? My first thought at 7:30 am was, “Oh no, I’m sick,” and sad to say I am still sick at 3:00 pm. So I’m taking it with me for later in the hopes that I will somehow become un-sick in a speedy fashion.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Is saying Hermione Granger just too cliche? Not so much in the “super genius” way, but more in the way of taking on everyone’s problems as her own (doing Harry’s homework for him, starting S.P.E.W., etc.), being sneaky when it suits her own purposes (giving Marietta Edgecombe pimples for life for snitching on Dumbledore’s Army), having intense feelings, and thinking 80 steps ahead/constantly planning for every outcome.

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!) WOODCHUCK SUMMER CIDER. SUMMER FOREVER. SO GOOD. WOULD DRINK AGAIN. But I’ve been told my “representative” drink is a triple shot of mango-jalapeno tequila, because I am “firey but also sweet but also will fuck you up,” in the words of my good friend Shefali.

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be? Mary Reade/James Kidd, because I am ALL ABOUT female pirates who defy gender norms and also sometimes like to dress up as dudes to further their goals in life.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? That I’d be okay with living in NYC and, furthermore, that I would actually be having a good time of it all!

  50. What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    I absolutely suck at coming up with titles, but I do think one of the funniest chapters to write would be if I touched on my childhood. I was a very odd kid but not in a way that kept me from having friends. I mean, I didn’t really have friends but I didn’t really notice? I read a lot and played with my Barbie dolls and I was happy.

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    I don’t think I had a cohesive thought, really. I was reflecting on the dream I had, where I was in the world of Mad Max and was Furiosa, one of the wives, and a lady prison guard at different points in the dream. Also, we were horrible at any kind of escape and kept trying to go to Mexico.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Regina Mills. And also Spencer Hastings.

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    Whiskey and coke is my favorite. I think the drink that would represent me, though, would be peach schnapps (or peach vodka) and sprite mixed together.

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    I think Virginia Woolf.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I would actually have things lined up for myself. That I would be finishing up grad school with a job waiting for me when I graduate, that I would be completing my five-year plan early. Also, that I’m having more good days than bad with my depression.

  51. Lunch break answer!

    Fictional character…Jeff from “A Solitary Blue” (Cynthia Voigt) mixed with Stargirl from, well, “Stargirl” (Jerry Spinelli) and Momiji from “Fruits Basket” (Natsuki Takaya).

    I don’t care if these seem contradictory in any way 😛

  52. This is awesome! Time to be my wordy self.

    Riese: I would probably title it “Things I’ve Learned From My Boobs.” Funniest chapter to write would be the introduction, in which I explain the context of the title, I think. It would tie deeply into the weird, hilarious, and unexpected things that happened to be in the early years of my transition.

    Laneia: “Why did I sleep in so late? I went to bed early to avoid missing out on the morning.” I had to adjust my expectations of the morning that I had in my head. It ended up being perfectly fine, though truncated. I was able to teach my Mom how to properly brew coffee, which I often don’t have the chance, as I’m usually the first person up in the morning. So I’m letting this not get me down and turning it into something good!

    Heather: Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. All those eye rolls. The awkwardness. Bizarre history and unpredictable future. Maybe just Tina Fey in general? Because I really loved and empathized with her book, Bossypants.

    Yvonne: My friend Sam made me a stiff Long Island iced tea, which I probably liked a little too much. But the beverage that will always represent me best is coffee. Properly made coffee, with freshly-roasted beans. Yes, I’m that kind of person.

    Alex: Audrey Hepburn, for sure. She’s so classy! Were she queer, I feel like she would be a real pillow princess, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing. I’m mostly imagining the foreplay and post-coital cuddling and conversation more than the actual sex. Being dazzled by all that classiness!

    Rachel: Being a trans person, my answer to this is kinda expected: that I could be free to be myself. That being queer and a tomboy, while not often talked in trans circles and communities, is a legit narrative. That trans women come in as many shapes and sizes as cisgender ladies. Five-years-ago Quinn wouldn’t have believed it was just as easy as letting go of preconceived notions and being myself.

      • Finally, a reader! Kidding. I’m actually writing about the six years I was in architecture school. During those years, I saw many countries around the world, met many friends, lost my gallbladder, got fucked in the intestines by IBS, came out as trans and began HRT, started my own portrait photographer business, improved as a photographer and switched to using film, and navigated being trans and queer in a conservative, Christian environment.

        The memoir I’m actually writing will have a much more appropriate title, but the humorous version would certainly still be titled “Things I Learned From My Boobs.” I can’t express just how valuable of a skill it is to be talking to my boss, when suddenly there comes a massive jolt of pain in my chest. My lips curl a bit, but I keep a straight face, while inside, I’m doing a J.D.-esque scream. Thanks, boobs!

  53. Riese: Oops: My Clumsy Journey Through Life and Love. Every single chapter would be a ball to write, maybe? Wait I’m lying. Probably the chapter about my failed relationships in college. THOSE were hilarious, whew.

    Laneia: *slaps phone to stop alarm* oh! “It’s Friday! It’s the 10th! HAPPY INDEPENDENCE BAHAMAS!!!!! I’m totally gonna wear my flag jacket today. Oh, it’s hot, isn’t it? Doesn’t matter, I’m gonna wear it.” *rolls back over for 9 more minutes of sleep*
    – It is affecting the rest of my day because I am absolutely wearing this jacket in this 90 degree weather and I love it.

    Heather: Squidward. And/or Goofy. Helga Pataki.

    Yvonne: This is a question that could be essay-length if I let it. So I’ll just say Beck’s Sapphire, or Belvedere Intense or Hennessey Pure White. Or a classic Rum n Coke. Or strawberry long island. Or…
    -I would like to say that like something frozen and fruity but strong represents me. Cuz at first I may seem kinda cold, but that’s just social anxiety, give me some time. And then once you stick it out past that, I’m rather sweet? But I’ll knock you on your ass if you aren’t careful. Oh! And I’m my best in a tropical climate.

    Alex: I have no earthly idea. I’ll come back to this one.

    Rachel:That I’m working in the school system making no money but mostly loving what I do? And who I do it for? I rebelled against this very thing for my WHOLE LIFE because it was basically expected and yet here I am…

  54. Well the first thing I thought today was can I call in sick today, because I feel a bit sleeply(I am writing this from work right now). Then I realized the dream I had last night did not translate to realize and that I still have a flat chest. This last one is a frequent thing for me. As for 5 years ago I wouldn’t have believed my feelings are totally valid & that how I feel isn’t wrong or a fetish.

    I dunno that depends on how ghost sex works. Like if the persons able to feel my touch and I feel their, then sure. But, as for who think I’d like to be in an orgy with Audrey Hepburn, Andy Warhol(he seems like he’d be interesting in such a scenario), Anita Ekberg(she did a few Fellini films), & Eartha Kitt, while Jimi Hendrix just plays. Please don’t judge me too hard.

    How is everyone doing? I saw the local news last night it said Big Bear is at 46 degree at that point in time(Palms Springs otoh was at 83). That’s almost freezing, and it’s summer time in SoCal no less, so was it really that cold?
    Last week I finally understood the straight girl who is curious dilemma. I get finding yourself can be hard, specially in your early 20’s.But, I don’t think trying to sleep with every woman/queer person who talks to you is the right answer? It came off as a bit too eager. I too was into her a bit, until the next day I realized that’s probably someone who will use me as an experiment. At my age that’s not what I’m looking for, specially as person who is still a baby trans queer(a smile came over me
    as I wrote that).

    So story time:
    This was on Wednesday

    But then to my surprise on Thursday I notice this.

    And this outside of The Last Bookstore, half a block west of the fallen tree.

    Not sure what a penny has to do with this? Maybe cause Lincoln chopped tree to make a log cabin? Either way I thought it was a nice earthy memorial in the heart of the city.

    Have a positive weekend!~! Thank you for viewing & reading my post as always.

  55. holy damn I would love to answer all of your interview questions but right now I am freaking the fuck out because the girl who exploded my entire world (not in a good way) in high school is somehow back in my life after many years and I have been reduced to a blubbering mess of teenage angst and confusion. what in the FUCK is going on. also she still smells the same. help.

    i hope the tacos were delicious and i appreciate you guys so hard, especially on days of complete upsidedown-ness such as this one.

      • Rachel! It’s a mess and I’m a mess. Pretty much every decision I have made has been driven by everything that went down with her and I have made so much progress over the last few years and one email from her and all that progress disappears and now I’m making terrible decisions guided by unhealthy emotions and this is a run-on sentence and i don’t give a fuck, i just want some fried chicken and a margarita asap. and HOW does she still smell exactly the same, super unfair!

        holy pickles, I feel like a teenager, this is some serious bad news bears.

  56. I think depending on the day/time/situation I’m some combination of Leslie Knope, Maniac Magee and Ron Weasley.

    I would either call my memoir Clean Plate Club or The Dog in the Grocery Store. Right now the funniest chapter would be about wedding planning and it would be called “It’s Fine: How to Let Go of Your Dreams and Make Decisions Based in Reality” (Our wedding is next Saturday and It’s Fine.)

    I would totally do it with ghost Joan of Arc.

  57. Man oh man, I may have put too much thought into this because I made notes as I worked to what my answers are and a little anxiety like this was an interview!

    Tne title of my memoir would be “lefthanded, redheaded, liberal atheist queer girl”… this was the only thing I could think of and it’s from a conversation I had with a friend where I said I had to be one in a million… also describes exactly why I don’t really fit in here in my small town life. The funnest chapter would maybe be a chapter full of random conversations with patients/customers in all my years of working with the public, I have seen and heard some crazy, funny, stupid stuff over the years!

    I am not sure what my first thought was this morning but my son had a sleepover last night and I barely slept so I decided this am it would be a Starbucks morning before work which is the only reason I am still upright!

    I am sure there is some kickass adult fictional character for me but I can’t think of one… however my favourite person in a book growing up was Anne Shirley of Anne of Green Gables, she was my kindred spirit and still is!

    My favorite alcoholic beverage atm has to be this dreamcicle drink I came up with and now can’t remember hkw exactly we made it since we were pretty tipsy! But it had teo kinds of rum and whipped cream vodka and something orange that I can’t remember!! I am stuck on a beverage that represents me… like maybe boxed wine? Because wine can be classy but then boxed wine can bought at Walmart and nobody is all that impressed by it? But also can be much more to it than what you expect? I think this is the hardest question!

    My ghost person to have sex with is probably out there and I don’t even know why but my first thought was Bea Arthur and shouldn’t we go with out gut instinct? I mean she was fierce

    I owna house now, and am quitting my job in a week to help care for my grandma who has alzheimers, all of which I wouldn’t have imagined 5 yrs ago! Plus I have an awesome short asymmetrical haurcut and could technically get married if I wasn’t forever single right now, so the future truly was bright and I didn’t know!

    • I totally had your experiencing writing my answers too. PLEASE write your memoir, the title is so great, and I love the concept!!

      Good luck with the transition from your job to taking care of your grandma. You’re a great person and I hope that you’re able to get plenty of support and enjoy the adventure.

      • I may write it one day, or write something even some short stories just so I can use the title! And ty, Iam super nervous about paying my bills and not having insurance and just how I will cope with it all, but I know it’s what I need to do.

  58. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    The Life of a Perennial Fool

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    My first thought was “Don’t forget to go get your prescriptions today, dingus.” and I’m about to do just that. It will certainly matter after today if I forget since my pharmacy won’t be open again until Monday and I don’t have enough meds for Sunday.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    I’ll answer this and another question after I get back from getting my meds (and have time to think about them).

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    Favorite alcoholic beverage is green Chartreuse.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    I couldn’t have believed that I would be doing this well (or even passing) the classes for my college major (I was in a different one back then).

    • Okay, I’ve had some time to think about the answers I never got around to.

      Who would I have ghost sex with?
      Hypatia of Alexandria, I guess. I’d at least like to meet her.

      What fictional character reminds me most of myself?
      Susan Ivanova from Babylon 5

  59. I think the first thought I had this morning was ‘I want to go back to sleep,’ but since that’s pretty much the first thought I have every morning, I don’t think it will affect things very much.

    The fictional character that reminds me most of myself is Ella from the children’s book Ella Enchanted, which was my favorite book as a kid for several years. I’ve never stopped overidentifying with her. Second place goes to Neville Longbottom.

    Favorite alcoholic beverage: sangria! I very rarely drink, though, and I never get drunk. So I should probably also name a non-alcoholic beverage. I’m going to go with iced tea, which I drink pretty much constantly.

    One thing about your life today I wouldn’t have believed five years ago is that I absolutely love living in Boston, consider it a ‘real city’ now, and never ever want to move back to NYC.

    That’s all I can think of at the moment, but I might be back to add more things not on your list of questions later!

    • On reading other people’s comments, I’ve had further thoughts about my own answers. So:

      -My first thought on waking up was actually closer to: “damn it, my girlfriend’s awake, guess I’d better wake up even though I would like to sleep forever.” She appreciated it, at least!

      -I would have ghost sex with Audrey Hepburn.

      -Other things five-years-ago me would not have believed about my life today: Two years ago I found out I’m autistic. By four years ago I was wondering about it, but I think it would’ve been kind of a shock five years ago. Also, that I’m in an amazing, strong, serious relationship! I was so convinced five years ago that I would be alone forever, and so depressed about it… and half a year later, I met the love of my life!

      I would also just be glad to know future-me wasn’t living with my parents anymore. I got out, I made it. I’m still struggling but I’m in such a better place than I used to be and I’m unbelievably grateful for that.

  60. What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    Right now I think it would be called Pastel Shoujo Rainbow. Maybe the funnest chapter to write would be the one about my relationship with a close friend, probably titled I Love and Adore You (one of his favorite phrases). When we first met he lied to me about his name, and he declared we were dire enemies because he’s a west coast native and I’m from the east coast (his logic was questionable). To this day he’s still listed in my phone as “My Arch Nemesis.” We have good times together. 🙂

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    It was either “I hate everything,” or “I should just go back to sleep, screw work.” I’m trying to be more positive, but it’s been a gross week. I think I’ll nap later, though.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Sailor Moon / Usagi Tsukino

  61. Wow I am so happy you all decided to interview me. I feel very special.

    Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    Brittany: I would title my memoir The Slippery Slope: A recounting of the choices that got me here. The funnest chapter to write would be the Acamp chapter of course.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    Brittany: My first thought this morning was that it was too early to get up, and that I should drink more water today, as I was very thirsty. I have been drinking more water, so I guess it’s changed the course of my day.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Brittany: Hmmm. I find myself identifying with most protagonists, because good writers are good, but I think I have to go with Richard from Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. I wouldn’t be able to help myself from helping Door even if it meant falling through the cracks myself. I would also hope that I’d be able to be as brave as he was.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    Brittany: My favorite is single malt bourbon neat. I think I am something reliable and easy to order like a whiskey sour or vodka cranberry. Something you could enjoy in many environments.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Brittany: Tonks.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    Brittany: So many things. I suppose I wouldn’t have believed that I would be an aunt at this point. Though, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Oh! And I wouldn’t believe that I play in a hockey league. I just started skating 2 years ago and I learned hockey through a women’s hockey clinic and I love it more than any other sport I have ever played. I get more zenned out playing hockey than I ever have been able to achieve practicing yoga.

    Thanks for asking 🙂

  62. Okay, I love these questions.

    Riese: My college friends and I used to joke about what our memoirs would be called, and mine ended up being “Lost, Late, and Last to Know”. I have the worst sense of direction and therefore am late to everything, and I’m always the last to know when something is going on due to staggering levels of obliviousness. The funniest chapter to write would probably be a list of all the bizarre and unfounded anxieties I had growing up.

    Laneia: I’ve been having a lot of vivid apocalypse dreams lately (are there any dream interpreters here?), so this morning my first thought was, “Ah, the Earth is still here.”

    Heather: I really relate to Abbi from Broad City.

    Yvonne: Thanks to the A-Camp whisky sour class, I am a full on whiskey sour convert. Before that it was probably just like white zinfandel.

    Alex: Honestly, I’d probably have ghost sex with Jane Austen.

    Rachel: My 5 years ago self would be really shocked about my queerness and the fact that I actually went to a queer camp in California with a bunch of strangers and loved it.

  63. I think my memoir would be called A Tragi/Comedy of Minor Errors. The most fun chapter to write would probably be the nonsense I got up to in my early 20s.

    Slightly related, I’ve always really identified with Jo from Little Women. I was sort of a bookish tomboy growing up and have a knack for getting myself into scrapes (see memoir title above).

    First thought today was about how much I didn’t want to get out of bed because when you can’t fall asleep until after 6 in the morning, getting up is really hard. It is the worrrrrrst. I am SO TIRED and have a million things to do before I move at the end of the month (yay!), but I’m leaving for two weeks tomorrow and just don’t have nearly enough cleaning/packing done as I wanted to accomplish and I don’t really have things done for the camp I’m working at either. BUT at least someone else will feed me for the next two weeks.

    ALSO, I am moving to San Antonio 4 days after I get back! Are there any people in SA who might want to meet-up? Or former San Antonians who can tell me more about the city? I’m very excited but also nervous about moving to an actual city and trying to figure out how to make friends an An Adult.

  64. Riese: Learning to love yourself & not giving a sh*t.

    Laneia: Good, I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm went off!

    Heather: I don’t really know about that one… I don’t read a lot of fiction. The closest I can think of is Alison Bechdel in her own memoirs lol.. I identify a lot with her.

    Yvonne: I really like tea. My favourite is decaf organic green. I don’t know what that says about me.

    Alex: Frida Kahlo

    Rachel: That I was able to get through murky stuff.

  65. Okay, here I go:

    What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    “Stuff.” The funniest chapter, of course, would be “Funny Stuff.”

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    My first thought was “It’s 5:30 already?!” but it didn’t really affect anything after I was fully awake.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Luna Lovegood, sometimes.

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    I’ve always liked Bailey’s Irish Cream, so I’ll say that for both answers.

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    I’m too caught up thinking about how “ghost sex” works to give a good answer to this right now. =)

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    Things turned out mostly okay after all, in spite of everything that happened.

    Did your dog eat anything weird off the floor this week?

    I don’t have a dog; my apartment management doesn’t allow them.

    Did you find your favorite outfit all over again because you did laundry for the first time in a while?

    Well, I do my laundry once a week…though that could be a “while,” I guess, to some folks.

    Did your baby do a dance to a Tegan and Sara song for the first time?

    Baby as in child or baby as in romantic love interest? Either way, no.

    What’s the best color to paint one’s toenails?

    That depends lots on the situation! But I am partial to cherry red.

  66. …of course now that I’ve had breakfast and coffee, I’m thinking of more creative memoir ideas:

    1- mastering the art of parallel parking
    2- how to successfully stick your hand in liquid nitrogen… And other times I narrowly avoided death and dismemberment
    3- adventures in web MD: confessions of a hypochondriac

  67. This is my first ever time commenting on a Friday Open Thread – I usually feel like I’m too late for the party. I LOVE answering questions! This is so fun!

    Title of my autobiography – What’s On Your Mind? (I have no idea but whenever Facebook asks me this, it intrigues me…) The most fun chapter to write would be about my troubled year living in a house with a landlord the bullied me, an alcoholic housemate who sexually harassed me, and various other troubles. Somehow I survived the most difficult year ever and now I’m left with amusing anecdotes.

    First thought of the morning – should I have breakfast at home or at work? I ended up having two hash browns at work. 😛

    Fictional characters I relate to (have done TV only to narrow it down) – Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation), Hanna Marin (Pretty Little Liars), Ilana Glazer (Broad City), Alison Hendrix (Orphan Black) and Anya Jenkins (Buffy). The most I think about it, the more this combination of me sums me up.

    Favourite alcoholic drink – fruity cocktails! I think they represent me well: frivolous, fun, bubbly and gets people talking. 😛

    Ghost sex – Judy Garland perhaps?

    What I wouldn’t have believed 5 years ago – that I can have a full-time job and be happy and make others happy

    THIS WAS REALLY FUN. I hope someone reads it 😛 Now to go and reflect on others’ thoughts!

    Much love to the Autostraddle team! <3 <3 <3

  68. Effie Trinket is my spirit animal.

    Maybe this is cliche, but five years ago was a big turning point in life. 5 years +1 week ago, I wouldn’t have believed I’d ever date a lady. 5 years -1 week ago I wouldn’t have believed that someday I’d be dating exclusively ladies, and that that would be an okay thing.

    Other things happening in my life: I’m moving and I’m so excited! Just like a half mile, but to a much better building/living situation. Yay!

    You guys are great.

  69. Laneia: “I would like to stay in bed” and I should have.

    for the first time in two years I got in an actual fight with my colleague (we love each other dearly) and it was really bad. Like passive agressively bad. Like I have been crying all day.

    I just came back from a conference I was working at. Everything hurts. I am tired. My feet bled through my tights this week. It was amazing but today, I should have stayed in bed.

  70. Riese: What would you title your memoir?

    A) Late to the Party: Growing Up and Showing Up in Your 30s (that title needs work, but so do I).

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    A) Oh crap, I drunk-dialed my ex last night.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    A) I don’t have her discipline, but I definitely have all of Paige’s self-doubt.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?

    A) Whiskey on the rocks. It’s not me, but it’s the badass I aspire to be (or date).

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    A) Louisa May Alcott, whom I hear was a TOTAL Jo March.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    A) That I’m out!

  71. A fictional character that reminds me of myself is Kay from Sarah Waters’ The Night Watch, the entire time I was reading it I was thinking YIKES this is me as fuck 100%. I briefly dated a girl who was reading that book but wasn’t enjoying it and I was like umm we have to break up now.

    Also my first instinct about fucking a ghost was Virginia Woolf but the more I think about it I feel like it’d be really weird sex, not just for ghost reasons.

  72. I don’t remember my first thought this morning, but it was in French. That’s a good sign since I’m currently participating in a French immersion program that is basically like French summer camp for adults, sponsored by the federal government (thanks Canada!).

    I don’t think I could pick one, or even a few, fictional characters. I tend to see a bit of myself in almost every character I encounter. I will say, though, that while I sometimes aspire to be a Lorelai Gilmore type, I am definitely much more of a (seasons 1-4ish) Rory.

    I drink alcohol quite infrequently but my current favourite is cider. My uncle bought me a case of Somersby for my birthday, with 4 different flavours, and I was pretty stoked about that!

    Thanks, but no thanks re: ghost sex.

    I think five-years-ago kaybo would be excited to know that I actually have a pretty good idea of what my career path is going to look like. She would also be surprised that I am seriously contemplating moving away from my forever-home, Toronto, especially because up until recently I loved the city fiercely. But, I’m loving the idea of starting over somewhere that isn’t chock-full of memories.

  73. I once took a “which star trek Character would you be” quiz and ended up with Spok. I feel like that was pretty accurate.

    I could never choose just one drink. However, if forced I would probably choose a whiskey ginger lime w/ lots of real fresh ginger.

    Five years ago I was engaged to be married and living in Denver, my hometown. I never for a second thought I would be single-ish in Portland with loads of queer friends that I met through Autostraddle.

  74. I love Friday Open Thread anyways but answering questions so I can be even more obsessed with myself than I already am is mY SHIT THIS IS MY SHIT THANK

    What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    Heaven Sent Me a Shit. And also the chapter about me trying to hide my sexuality at an all-girls’ Catholic school

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    That silly alarm going off on a Saturday, that’s so silly. It affected the rest of my day in that I forgot my money and bus card at home and realized it just as the bus pulled up

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    I wanna be like Helena from Orphan Black and also Regina Mills from Once Upon a Time but I haven’t killed anyone? So them like minus murder

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    I’m not really picky like just shove alcohol down my throat. And coffee represents me not cause I’m bitter or anything but cause I think that at least 80% of my blood stream is made of it

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Natalie Wood

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I’m stable (or like super close to it) like hoLY SHIT

    yOU ALL ARE THE BEST SORRY THIS IS KIND OF LIKE NOT COHERENTB UT IM JUST REALLY EXCITED YOU ALL EXIST I HOPE YOURE HAPPY OR CLOSE TO IT OR ARE GONNA BE HAPPY REAL SOON

  75. Riese: memoir would be currently saved as ‘untitled’ in draft form as I hope there are so many more chapters left that the overall theme is yet to emerge. And I’ve been self critical about my life (well, professional life) achievements recently so I’m feeling like it would currently finish on a depressing note. 🙁
    Funniest chapter to write would probably be recounting my later high school years, ironically getting more into religion because the cute female Christian studies teacher suggested having a coffee to talk about Jesus, accidently setting a cottage on fire at Christian women’s retreat, and finding the only other gay in my village and going to a regional tri-monthly gay party in the nearest small city with fake ID together. (Spoiler alert: it was tragic )

    Laneia: “I should really not snooze the alarm as long as yesterday”
    And I didn’t, which resulted in a semi productive morning of working out, ringing a day spa on the other side of the world to buy my mother a birthday voucher. And texting my dad to pick it up. But I was still in a rush to make it to work in the end… mostly thanks to comment week on AS!

    Heather: Mr Darcy of course.

    Yvonne: Favourite is hard to pick, Merlot in winter, recently gotten into Rosé for summer. Bailey’s with dessert. Cocktail wise nothing beats a Mojito, and I also like a fresh virgin Mojito when I’m not in the mood for alcohol.
    I’m probably most like a Merlot though. Not everyone likes me, I’m too strong for some people’s taste.. but those that do choose me recognise the complex and hidden notes.

    Alex: Marlene Dietrich. The original sexy femme tux.

    Rachel: That my career would be in such a dismal state and I would have so little firm direction in life. And on a happier note, that I’d have done some of the off-the-beaten-track travel that I have… Turkmenistan… Iran… Mongolia and more…

  76. Riese: I’d title my memoir “Finding Center” because as a stage manager for dance that’s just about the first thing I do when I walk in the door of the theater. Corny, but catchy, maybe? The best chapter would be the one I couldn’t write: stories about all of the backstage divas in opera and dance. At least not without changing all the names or burning all the bridges.

    Laneia: The first thought I had this morning was “Really, another work stress dream? WTF, I never have those,” quickly followed by “You need to get out of bed right now and go walk the dog you are dog sitting.” I promptly forgot about the first thing until now and went to walk the dog.

    Heather: This is on the tip of my brain but I can’t think of it. If I come up with it I’ll let you know.

    Yvonne: My favorite beverage is beer, especially sour, funky and/or dark and not super hoppy. But a close second and the alcoholic beverage that actually represents me is this seasonal gin that a distillery here in Chicago makes. I don’t exactly know how to describe it except to say that it’s really smooth and flavorful and more mellow than typical gin, to the point where I can drink it over ice with maybe a little soda and nothing else added. People expect it to be off-putting when it’s actually quite approachable. Like me.

    Alex: Amelia Earhart. First thing that popped into my head, I’m sticking with it. Bonus: I would want to cuddle with Jane Austen. I just think she’d be really good at spooning.

    Rachel: Five years ago I never would have believed that I would be taking circus classes 6+ hours a week and be able to do things like pull-ups and holding up another person while hanging from a trapeze. I had no idea that I could be this strong, or have so much fun getting stronger. It has completely changed the way I see myself.

    This got long but one thing from this week: I come from a family of baseball fans and my sister-in-law posted a photo of she and her sister and their babies at a game here in town (presumably with my brother and the sister’s husband there as well). My initial gut reaction was feeling sad and left out because I saw them recently and they didn’t even mention that the sister’s family was coming to visit (we all went to high school together) or that they were going to the game. It’s a small thing and I won’t dwell on it and it could very well be that my often flaky but well-meaning brother forgot to say anything to me. But a small negative part of me worries that it’s because their family is Catholic and more conservative than we are (especially the husband, I think?) and that they didn’t want me to come.
    Saying that out loud here already makes me feel better about it.

    Thanks for the thread prompts, this is a fun game 🙂

  77. Woo, here goes.

    Memoir title? Stop Saying Sorry. Both as a mantra and theme of my life dealing with loss at a young age and having adults always saying they were so sorry it happened to me. That shit got old.

    First thought? “Why am I so tired, shoot I slept in, and oh no my girlfriend missed her bus to work” in that order. It really only affected my day by deciding to go into the office instead of WFH cause my GF and I never get any work done if we both WFH.

    Fictional character? Abbi Abrams from Broad City. Trying to make her life work out, trying to stay confident, but still not totally sure of herself. That’s me in a nutshell.

    Favorite alcoholic beverage? I’m trying to stop drinking almost completely, but I love margaritas. And cider.

    Ghost sex? Umm, I have no idea.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? Probably that I was queer. I guess I would have believed it, but like now, I would have had hard time really coming to terms with it. Wait, no, actually that I wouldn’t have a new car by now. I was really hell bent on getting a new car at 25 but that ship sailed two years ago.

  78. I’m not really sure what fictional character reminds me of myself the most. Sometimes I’ll be watching OITNB and Piper Chapman screws up yet again and I’m like, okay, I probably would have done that as well, and I can see a lot of similarities, but I think I’m very different from Piper in that I learn from my mistakes quickly, and I actively try to understand how my actions affect other people and how my whiteness and economic situation put me at an advantage whereas Piper is kind of oblivious? Tris Prior from the Divergent Trilogy really reminded me of myself a few years ago. I’m not sure if I can still say that right now or not, but she is a good example of a character who tends to contradict herself but still learns from her mistakes.
    In terms of Harry Potter characters (in my book Harry Potter is an entire universe in itself) I’d be some combination of Hermione and Luna, maybe?
    Oh, also Kanaya Maryam from Homestuck. I could probably be described as Lindsey Weir with slightly better decision making skills

    Of the (very) small pool of alcoholic drinks I’ve tried, coconut rum is my favorite by a long shot. I actually like it mixed with vanilla biscotti tea. I feel like that pretty much represents me because it’s sweet and kinda femme but has a bit of a kick to it, and its flavors are cohesive but at the same time it’s like what even is this? the part of me that likes to obsessively classify things is confused.

    I would so be up for ghost sex with Audrey Hepburn.

    It’s questions like “what’s one thing about your life that you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?” that remind me that I am still super young. Five years ago I was ten years old, and this seems super crazy to me because if everything goes somewhat as planned, at the end of the upcoming academic year I’ll have most of the credits I need to graduate high school and I’ll be scheduling classes at a university for my junior year of high school. In the past five years I’ve gone through middle school and a year of high school, competed in the scripps national spelling bee, improved my 5k time by 4 minutes in one cross country season, and sort of maybe figured out what I’m going to do with my life. Also, I’ve had a lot of ‘oh shit, I might be gay/pan/bi’ moments.

    That just reminded me of the strangest story (from either 5th or 6th grade, so I’d’ve been somewhere around 11 years old at the time). As most people have at some point, I had this ‘friend’ who I really didn’t like that much, I actually kind of despised her because she was really rude to me, but I was forced to be friends with because our parents were friends. She had a habit of making up wild stories to seem interesting or funny or to get someone to agree with her on a subject. So one day, on which I believe she was kind of passive-agressively mad at me for whatever reason, she comes up to me and says “You won’t believe what I saw [name of school bully] doing the other day! She must have something against you too, now, because I saw her standing outside her house holding a bunch of copies of a fake newspaper and the front page had a picture of you and [name of one of my female friends] and it said you were a… (at this point she began whispering) girl-girl couple. As hilarious as this is to me now, at the time I was completely mortified. I mean, it took me about 3 seconds to realize that this was a blatant lie, because I lived less than a mile away from the person my ‘friend’ was talking about, but I was terrified by the idea that this girl would tell the same story to other people at my school and whether they believed the newspaper existed or not they’d see me in that light. When I was really young, like 3-5, I think I kind of knew that I liked girls (and at the time, guys as well) but when I didn’t see same sex couples in the media and to my knowledge none of my female friends had crushes on girls, I literally forgot about it, and to keep myself occupied and feel normal I invented crushes on boys, so I didn’t even know I was queer at 11, but that was probably the first time in my life I’d heard anyone talk about two girls being romantically involved and it was with such a negative tone that I knew this must be the ‘bad kind of weird’ (as a ‘high-achieving’ kid I was under a lot of [perhaps partially self-imposed] pressure to be the ‘good’ kind of different, weird because I was a genius, or else I’d be a ‘freak’)and I guess I was afraid no one would like me, and that I wouldn’t be able to define myself and my relationships with others on my own terms?
    I think the fact that the first time I was made aware of a thing that is such a big part of my identity was in the context of a lie about a lie which I understood to be intended to manipulate and embarrass me while boosting the self-esteem of this ‘friend’ confirms that childhood is terrifying, no matter what certain adults will tell you, but in a weird way I’m actually glad it happened because that single event helps me understand myself and the people around me a great deal, and it’s immensely funny to imagine this girl whispering ‘gal pals’ instead of ‘girl-girl couple’, which is actually kind of funny in its own right.

  79. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    Umm, maybe “Meh.” Because I’m super excited about life and sometimes I have to pretend I’m less excited about things because it gets awkward. The most fun chapter to write would be about travel adventures because I’ve had some weird ones…

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    “Oh dang, I don’t think my alarm is working.” I mean, I woke up, but I set multiple alarms and only a few of them went off. It didn’t affect my day too much. Just let that one go.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    I have no idea.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    My favorite is beer with lime, but I think Moscow Mule is the most representative. You like it, but it’s kind of a weird mix of things and you can’t quite remember all the ingredients but you just keep ordering and drinking it anyway.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Probably Bea Arthur, is that weird? I don’t care.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I’d be in nursing school. Nope, never would’ve guessed that.

    Other cool life things: I finish my semester in 3 weeks, which means I’ll be 3/4 done with nursing school. And when I’m finished with nursing school, I can get a job and apply to midwifery school. So really, I’m closing in on halfway to being a midwife! Woo!

  80. My memoir is a collection of short stories – lately I’ve been calling it “Don’t Try This at Home”… So far, the funnest to write – a random evening in college that began with the consumption of several questionable chemicals, and ended at a Denny’s at 4am, coming out to a group of strangers, while 2 of my friends were passed out in their Grand Slams. Good times!

  81. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    Memoir Title: It’s raining, isn’t it?

    Funnest chapter: The Chicken Slaughter

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    First thought: I actually journal my waking thought every morning so I can let go of it and choose my thoughts for the day. Waking thought: I slept on my tummy and my back doesn’t hurt. Intentional thoughts: I will be grateful for today, I will be on time for work, I will pack a lunch. Those things all happened. 🙂

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Warf, from Star Trek Next Generation.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    Well, this is awkward. I got my nine-month chip this week, guys!

    My favourite drink is a ginger tea made from ginger that’s undergone the same process as instant coffee – so it’s actually real tongue and throat burning ginger. Much like the liquor that is no longer on my dance card. Don’t worry, I can still dance.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Emily Dickinson.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    I’m an out lesbian on my city’s Pride comittee. Also, I don’t shave my legs anymore. Also, I have no intention of getting in a relationship. Also, I vote NDP. Also, I don’t wear heels anymore. Also, I’m in nursing. Also, I love working with adults with special needs. Also, my mom isn’t my best friend anymore. Also, I have no desire to drink. Crazy. BIGGER THAN THAT! I own a bikini!!!

  82. I was just really excited to see that box of Junior Mints on the table with Heather. #Glee!

    Riese, I’ve already over-thought the whole title-of-my-memoir thing and so I’m giving up for now. But I will say that the most fun chapter to write would be the one about when I finally started having sex with women. Duh.

    Laneia: I woke up with “Shoop” stuck in my head. So it’s been a pretty OK day.

    Heather: Honestly? I haven’t met her yet.

    Yvonne: Toss up between a Pimm’s cup and a gin daisy (gin, club soda, grenadine, lime juice).

    Alex: Gross. By which I mean to say, Nellie Bly. While traveling around the world.

    Rachel: That I’d be a legit editor of a legit print publication that’s actually growing? So weird.

  83. What would you title your memoir?
    –“I Plead the Fifth” or “I thought it would be a good idea at the time.”

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day?
    –I currently have a concussion (I’m okay though, it’s minor!) so I’m pretty sure my first thought and (all subsequent thoughts since) was along the lines of “sddfajdfhabf.”

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
    –Jesus, duh.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
    –I’m out of the closet. I get to spend almost every day with the love of my life. I have a FIVE YEAR PLAN and a 10 year plan! I know, I know, life happens when you’re busy making other plans, but even having a loose outline for what I want the future to look like is pretty unbelievable.
    Also that I don’t miss blow at all, I was pretty done with it by 5 years ago but I definitely believed it would be missed.

    Thanks for creating so much community engagement this week, cute queers!

  84. I think I would probably title my memoir ‘Ghost Girl’ since most of the time I don’t really feel like I exist.

    My first thought this morning was that I was late for work. Luckily it’s Saturday, so I was wrong. That’ll probably be a nice thought for the rest of the day!

  85. i love being interviewed! this is so fun!! also, this week i found a bunch of pictures from my 21st birthday party and like…yikes. yikes yikes yikes. here’s one that i’ll share with y’all because i know that this is a no judgement zone. Right??

    ok, now for these amazing questions:

    Memoirs would probably called “If I Make it to 25 It’ll Be a Miracle” (a la Wendy Wasserstein’s Uncommon Women) and the most fun chapter would probably be the one about falling in love for the first time because let’s be real falling in love is so cute and fun and the first time you do it you have no worries and everything’s all cute and wonderful.

    My first thought this morning was probably I really need Alexei (my male cat) to shut up. I don’t think it was anything really, but now that I’m thinking about it, I do worry about him more than the gals because he is SOOOOO whiny and needy and I don’t speak cat so like, I don’t know if that’s just how he’s feeling like being right now or if something is Wrong that i need to take him to the vet for.

    Rory Gilmore reminds me the most of myself bc she loves her mom and is kind of pretentious on accident and is also from connecticut!

    My favorite alcoholic beverage is a whiskey sour. I think it fits my personality pretty well…it’s subtle yet effective. that’s how i am. at least i think.

    ghost sex with bessie smith PLEASE

    5 years ago I would never have believed that I still hadn’t graduated from college yet and it would have terrified and embarrassed me, but today i give many more fucks about not having mental breakdowns than graduating at a “traditional” time.

    • SO PROUD of you for prioritizing emotional/mental wellbeing over graduating “on time” this is such a hard thing to wrap your mind around sometimes but seriously you will graduate and do great things and staying in school gives you more time to do/experience great (and terrible) things and generally just LIVE. love you <3

  86. This sounds fun!

    Riese: No idea what the title of my memoir would be, but the best chapter would just be titled, “It is what it is”.

    Laneia: So last night I had to take my friends cat that I am cat-sitting to an emergency animal hospital because he got a scratch on his eye so my first though this morning was, “I hope the cats cone didn’t smack anything over or get stuck anywhere”.

    Rachel: In the last 5 years I moved across country on a whim, lost 150 pounds, had to deal with the death of a parent, finally came out (for real this time), fell into my first relationship, broke up with her, and changed my entire career path from academia to politics. So honestly the me of 5 years ago would just be completely blown away by the surprises.

  87. I wouldn’t write a memoir. I’d prefer to write a requiem mass for string quartet and small choir to be played at my funeral. Based on the above there is no funny. The most chirpy bit would be the last movement in f. I was actually thinking about this on the drive in while listening to Taylor swift.

    My first thought is the same every morning. WTF??? I wake to a muffled crash and wailing. Life with a toddler. Either that or the dog escaped upstairs and is chewing my hair but the thought always the same.

    Favourite drink currently lychee cosmo followed by lychee Cosmo Made long with prosecco followed by almighty hangover. I resemble gin; mother’s ruin.

    Ghost sex. I think that’s another name for kinky dreams.

    Five years ago I wouldn’t have believed I’d be retraining as a music teacher

  88. 1.Memoir: Learning Life.
    Funnest chapter: Underwear. From going shopping for bras at 15 (Mom!!!No,I’m not trying that on over my T-shirt in the middle of the store!) to getting it mailed from the US with a customs declaration on top at 35..somewhere in my twenties my mom used to send me racy stuff in the hopes of me developing a sex life. Later my greataunt gifted me the bras her circle of friends didn’t wear anymore.All of them in their late seventies, so yeah.I did have a sex life at the time, although a bit of a brief one, for whatever reason…

    2.First thought:Do I have to get up? Many hours later: I should have gotten up sooner.

    3.Fictional Character: Myka Ophelia Bering.

    4:Beverage:Muddy Water: Kahlua and Cream and milk. Answer to both questions.

    5.Ghost Sex: Marie Curie or Helen Keller.What?

    6.Life:
    Oh,wow, that’s deep and I was actually going to write something deep, but on a rather shallow note:
    Money. I couldn’t have imagined a life where I didn’t worry or add and substract in my head and felt slighty guilty whenver I had a latte someplace.
    I honestly think that money ruins character and ought not be something to be aspired to.I have always striven to not give it any importance or weight in my life and thinking.
    But I used to live so far below the poverty line for so long, I didn’t realize how much of a burden that actually was, until it wasn’t. It’s a relief, an absence of dread and guilt, and I didn’t even know that this was a possibility five years ago.

    As for the rest of my week?
    I have re-encountered the enemy number one of all academic aspirations: Fanfiction.
    And I have written the intro to my thesis!
    Have a good weekend everyone!

  89. My memoir will be called Lesbians Don’t Wear Floral Patterns, which is something my mother said during her lengthy my-daughter-can’t-REALLY-be-gay phase. That sentence has stuck with me throughout my ongoing struggle to figure out my ideal gender presentation and there is just SO MUCH wrapped up in it. I think it relates to a bunch of different threads in my life and I find it frustrating and dark and hilarious all at the same time. I really want to actually write this memoir someday.

  90. What would you title your memoir be?

    My dad always says “Oh, you know Linds” whenever someone mentions something crazy I am currently doing, so probably that – it seems to fit.

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    First thought was hoping my best friend made it back from his random hook up last night so we wouldn’t miss out on kayaking the Puget Sound today. Thankfully he made it back, and it was incredible

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?

    Beer. Craft beer. ALL the craft beer.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I was a lesbian! It all makes sense now, but I had to go through a lot to get to the point where I could really be honest about what made me happy and what I wanted – I did things for others, not myself. So happy where life has taken me!

  91. I’m a huge lurker so the fact that I’m commenting makes me feel like today = an alternate universe. Like, a thrilling one. Maybe later I’ll go sky diving.

    Riese: “Why Do Bees Have Knees?” and probably that year in elementary school where I would tell subsitute teachers my name was “Rex” and then do whatever I wanted because “Rex” always got written up, not Sam. This was my first realization that adults could be kinda dim (why didn’t they just refer to the class list?). I think I was 8.

    Laneia: I think it was literally “oh god, please no” when the alarm went off. The day is looking up from there. <3 work.

    Heather: Some odd mix of Daria and Luna Lovegood and Philippa Talbot, probably.

    Yvonne: Beer. And whiskey and mixed drinks, but not so much vodka because this one time in high school there was a night that resulted in a multi-day hangover and I had to tell my parents I had the stomach flu after barfing all over my bed in the middle of the night and I'm not entirely over this experience yet. 15 years on. Maybe next year.

    Alex: I am weirdly stumped by this question.

    Rachel: My wife and I own a house in my hometown. Not only am I old enough to be married and a homeowner and have that not be weird, I'm also old enough to have moved from The Cool City Of My 20s back to The Homeland, and to be thrilled with this turn of events. I feel like my inner self has aged from about 16 to a whopping 18 with this development. Surely an inner sense of maturity and adulthood is on the horizon.

      • I still don’t know! I DEMANDED that my mother answer this question while she was on the phone once when I was about six. Apparently I had a tendency to ask bizarre and ~very urgent~ questions while she was trying to talk with the bank etc. The answer was a snapped “SO THEY CAN JUMP HIGHER” and for some reason I took this as gospel for several years before I thought “…wait.”

        I resist looking the real answer up because the image of bees jumping into flight is probably more fun than the reality.

  92. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    –“Big Hair, Little Death” (thank you Susie Bright) and best chapter would be “How I Knew my Girlfriend was Into Me” or alternatively “The Day my Brother Ran into a Pole”

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    –“Why is she so awake all of a sudden?” which has now led to my girlfriend napping next to me while I’m writing this

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    –Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasely’s baby

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    –Favorite: Sake; me: Bee’s Knees

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    –Frida Kahlo

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    –I’m an out lesbian and I have an epic girlfriend

  93. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
    – “Getting Out and Staying Out” uh…I think anything before college would be hilarious. I was so awkward back then I’m surprised I have the personality and dress the way I do now.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
    – “TIME FOR MY RUN” It happened. Anything workout related in my life usually happens. I ended up doing 30 mins of intervals that were broken down into 3min jog and 1 min full out sprint where your side hurts for like 30 seconds afterward. Working out in the morning when I’m off helps me plan my day ahead and keep on top of my schedule.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
    – OOOOHH This is such a good question. I think I might have to go with Jamie Lannister or Arya Stark from Game of Thrones because it’s what I’m reading ATM. Jaime because I can be hard and tough. Arya because I think I might do a lot of the things she did/is doing.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
    – THIS IS HARD. Uh….I’m a Corona with lime and fire whiskey and apple cider. I have that classicness about me mixed with just the right amount of modernism.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
    – Hm IDK…I’ve never really thought about this..Calammity Jane just popped into my head so her.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
    – That I would be engaged and that gays have the right to marry EVERY WHERE IN THE STATES!! I remember when I first started dating Christine and felt like it would be forever..I looked at ways how to petition someone here to the USA and it was quite heart breaking to see that I COULD NOT at the time. When DOMA and Prop 8 were struck down I won’t deny that I cried because I knew we had a chance.


    enGAYged.

    Week has been great so far and I hope everyone is doing great also! I have to say I love the amount of comments I’m seeing on the site!!! ♥ The team is the best. I haven’t gotten around to making some metal earth because I’ve been at my sister’s house but as soon as I get back home I will make them all and share them on here.


    My fur son Jessy is convinced that the rain hitting the windows are actually birds.


    Dogsitting Brody =)

  94. Riese: Child of a Lawyer– it would detail all the crazy sh*t I’ve experienced growing up in a household of an attorney and a judge, and also my struggles in being queer and angry etc. in this setting. I feel like the funniest chapter hasn’t happened yet.

    Laneia: The first thought I had this morning was how happy I was to wake up with this girl next to me. For the first half of the day this thought colored me well, but it feels sour now after hanging out with her for the second to last time before I may never see her again.

    Heather: I am Leslie Knope!

    Yvonne: My favorite alcoholic beverage is hard cider. The alcoholic beverage that represents me is a vodka tonic.

    Alex: Ghost sex? No idea…

    Rachel: Five years ago, I never would have believed the way that I dress now. Almost every piece of clothing I own now is something I wouldn’t even have dreamt of *trying on* five years ago.

    I’ve gotten to spend the past two weeks with this awesome girl, and I like being around her a lot, but now she’s going back to her home state and I’m going back to mine (on opposite sides of the country). I know to live and let go, but it still sucks. I wish I could find a cute girl that liked me in my own state instead of continuously finding people who live far away from me.

  95. The title to my memoir would be something to the effect of “Well Shit That Was Awful, Survived Still Alive” and I have no idea what chapter would be the funniest b/c some of the things from my life that make me laugh make other people cry or get some form of upset/horrified.
    Anddddd I just looked and you wrote funnest, but fuck it I’m leaving that bit in because I’m having a hard time coming up with what the hell chapter I would put all the fun ridiculous things with my body does, can do along with squeezing the laughter+sex things in. I mean some of that is overlap but not all..how to balance. NOT A WRITER

    There has yet to be a fictional character that reminds me most of my complete self. Some versions of Bruce Banner remind me of the taint of violence I have and the question I carry was that always to be me? Even without a Big Event would that destructive part still be felt as strongly as I feel it, and the way I feel it?
    I’m more self aware than Helena but she strongly reminds me of myself at a certain age down to the hissing.
    But I’m in much better shape than most of the characters I see a piece or facet of myself, usually.

    I think the mojito is probably my favourite classy grown up alcoholic beverage. Non-grown up alky beverage would be kahlua and ice cream. My classless drink is a pre-made margarita either in a bottle or one of those slushie things in plastic with a bag of sea salt and vinegar chips and a granny smith apple. I have never been more than buzzed because I never want to lose control, don’t really like the taste of alcohol that much especially beer and unless I’m drinking water I want to eat something with what ever I’m drinking

    I don’t think I’d ever want ghost sex from anyone, but I’d love to question some famous dead people and history nerd that I am I can’t narrow it down. For Team Bisexual tho I’d want to ask James Dean if he swings both ways.

    The one thing about my life today today I would not have believed 5 years ago is that just, life. That I would be alive, spring 2010 into summer was the rock bottom of my adult life as far as I’m concerned. A rock bottom that started the previous summer of 2009 trying to off myself only to be stopped by my ass, which I always loved and clearly loved me back.

    The best colour to paint ones nails be they on the hand or foot will always be red and there are so many shades of red.
    Weird dog news: foster pup found a jewelry finding of severely unknown origin and I discovered she had it using some sort mommy-dar or jedi powers. If I had not she would have totally eaten it because that is what she does, eat things. She is the most cheery happy go lucky creature I have ever met so it’s kinda ironic the vet wants to put her on an anti-depressant to combat her Will Eat Anything habits.
    Rope toys are a banned item because she cannot play with them without eating the string and poop ain’t suppose to have tasteful twists of neon.
    And my dog is just best at being indignant
    She has an indignant bark, and indignant huff, an indignant snort and an indignant whine.

    As of yesterday I came up with buddy cop nicknames for both of them.
    Chub and Legs.

    Development of me this week I started practicing with the Elder Futhark in writing and speech. As in saying the name of the runes and I found them easier to articulate them….musically.
    Once I can say or sing them all no trouble I can look into getting some wood to practice cutting or burning them before trying to cut pieces for a set.
    Or just not and keep my rune fluency limited to a party trick of translating names.
    Spiritualish things are gross and not logical but I understand interpretation process of runecasting so well its awkward to just ignore.

    • Egads I forgot to mention I got my ID today and the computer thing did not like my smile which is side winding smirk so what I ended up with was a very aristocratic looking picture with mucho aristocratic eyebrow.
      Which is quite the contrast to my other ID that looks like a smug as fuck mug shot that gives little miss Ruby Rose a run for her money.

  96. Whoa. SO MANY COMMENTS. Here are my answered, fueled by bourbon for dinner.

    Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
    “Lost and Confused”
    College would probably be the chapter funnest to write. Probably because that was when I was happy.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
    I think my first thought every morning I need to get up to an alarm (aka; M-F) is “Ughhhh, I don’t want to wake up.” I don’t think I take it with me later, as once I am showered, I do feel better. Sometimes.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
    Eeyore.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
    Bourbon.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
    Since I’ve never experienced sex and am unsure on my sexuality, could not answer this question.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
    That I’d still be stuck in the same shit that I have been.

  97. Oo, this is fun! Like one of those survey things that used to be on MySpace!

    Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
    Me: I was thinking about my memoir earlier, and how I don’t have that much fodder for it, but I had a humiliating moment earlier in the week that involved me accidentally submitting the phrase “I have no fucking clue” in my homework, I think a “Best of Kay’s Embarrassing Moments” chapter would be top-notch. I suck at titles though. Hmmm. Oo! When I get physically hurt, my dad always says, “It’s okay. It’s a long way from your heart.” So that sounds like a good title, “Long Way from My Heart.” It’s kind of frilly but when you hear the story behind the title, it’s gritty. Yeah. That’s it.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
    Me: My first thought this morning wasn’t exciting. It was, “I need to order my roommate to call that apartment place and set up a viewing.” I’m carrying it with me, yes, because I really want this apartment but I have to wait until she’s off-work to find out if she liked it.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
    Me: Brook Soso from OITNB. I really related to her plotline this season, and I think her character development is very similar to the one I’m going through. Minus the prison. I also think I’m like Shoshanna from Girls, because I’m high-strung and try to be perfect more often than is safe.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
    Me: My favorite alcoholic beverage depends heavily on my mood and what I’ve eaten that day. Usually it’s a whiskey ginger, which matches my favorite non-alcoholic beverage, ginger ale. I like to think it represents me, because it’s sweet from the ginger ale (I hate ginger beer, ouch so abrasive!) but the whiskey makes me feel like a bad-ass. Which describes me, since I’m a sweet person and I am a secret bad-ass. Or at least that’s my opinion of myself.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
    Me: My first thought was Louisa May Alcott, but based on her gothic lit not on “Little Women.” I’m going with that. I don’t usually think about sex with strangers. It kinda freaks me out.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
    Me: That I’m alive and love my body and am working on loving my depressed brain as much as my not-depressed brain. Also that I have had short stories published!

    P.S. This was my first time participating in Friday Open Thread (I think) but it was fun and I’m gonna keep doing it 😀

  98. Five years ago I would never have believed there would be a parade in NYC for a women’s sports team. Today I got to see the entire USWNT ride down the Canyon of Heroes in front of thousands of cheering fans and be honored at City Hall. It was inspiring!

  99. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    High Heels Aren’t Compulsory. It’s the title of a film which I wrote, and which was produced by Lock Up Your Daughters in Glasgow, directed by Annabel Cooper, with Jo Clifford playing the lead character, and I’m so proud of it. It’s also one of the first pieces of advice that was given to me by a friend when I started admitting to my actual gender. We’re shopping the film around festivals, you’ll see it soon. I don’t know about funny, even if they come out as well as mine has, trans people’s memoirs tend to be tragic. Any humour in mine is from the gallows. The memoir will happen in due course, I have seven years of journals to work on.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    I don’t want to go. That’s a thought that is hard to get over, and sets the tone of the work day. I am looking for a new job, I fancy writing freelance, if you want articles about trans people in the UK, or book reviews about queer subjects especially SF, or about the environment or Green politics and intersectionality, hit me up, I have examples.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Maura Pfefferman in Transparent.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    Oooo, I’m a beer fan. An imperial stout, one that’s rich, dark, complex and unexpected, one that you drink slowly and with respect. Brewdog do a limited edition one brewed with cherries, Abstrakt AB:15, it’s like drinking Christmas.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    I don’t know about ghost sex; I’d love to have a ghost date with Audrey Hepburn, and we could see how it went from there. Early evening walk in the botanic gardens, a light dinner, dancing in a dive bar.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I’d actually be Elaine.

    What else can I say? I have a poetry gig next week that I’m really excited about, the Scottish slam champion Bram Gieben is putting on a show and I’ve got a slot. Some of my favourite poets are going to hear me do my stuff. There’s a protest organisation in Glasgow that’s putting together a non-commercial Free Pride, and I have a gig in that too. The spoken word scene in central Scotland is fantastic, political and queer and weird and vibrant, it’s so much fun.

    And my friend brought me flowers last weekend to brighten up my flat and my cats haven’t disturbed them or knocked them over. I think flowers are going to be a thing in my house on a regular basis. The roses are still good, but only one of the lilies has even opened yet and it’s beautiful, I’m really looking forward to the others. The cats are both curled up on the couch beside me as I write this.

  100. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?) Oh gracious, I’m terrible at titles. Let’s go with a working title of “S’up, Bitches.” The most fun chapter to write would probably be writing about my career because I’ve worked in so many strange industries.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing? I had a fucking weird dream last night and it stuck with me through waking. So I’m trying not to take the weirdness into the day but also trying not to squash down the feelings it brought up, so that’s an adventure.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Season 5 Frankie. Too bad Season 6 never happened and there were never any made-for-TV follow-up movies, right? RIGHT?

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!) I’m a beer person. Mmm beer. I guess I’d be best represented by a weird novelty beer that still tastes good despite all odds.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be? Madeline Khan.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? That I have generalized anxiety disorder and treating it was the best choice I’ve ever made.

  101. I’m sorry guys, it’s almost one am where I’m at, and I have to share this:
    For you other 100 and Clexa fans:
    The SDCC 100 Panel just took place, and Jason Rothberg confirmed that Lexa will be back next season!! Clarke will, obviously still be pissed, but whatever.

    Debnam Carey just tweeted this picture with this header:

    Heda’s back.

    I hope this made someone else’s day as well!

  102. Riese: Hmmm that’s a really good question… I guess at this point in my life I would title it “Duct Tape Fixes Everything”. No matter how broken things may seem a little duct tape here and there generally gets things moving again.
    The funniest chapter to write would have to be about my soccer career (ages 8-19). I projected everything going on in my life on the soccer field and the hilarious stories that I’ve got are priceless. Feeling out of control? I got into heated debates with the referee right there in the middle of the field. Angry at my dad for his shenanigans? I had my opponents terrified of playing near me and the referee following me around waiting for my next foul/yellow card/red card. I have no idea what I’d name that chapter though.

    Laneia: After waking up at exactly 6:42am instead of 5:00am my first thought was something along the lines of “Well that’s par for the course this week.” After having two weeks of not being able to fall asleep and consequently becoming less and less functional, this morning made me realize the degree of my disfunction. I finally called my psychiatrist to setup an appointment to adjust my medication and get some flipping ambien.

    Heather: Of course this is Heather’s question and of course my answer is Paige McCullers…
    I’ve never liked Paige on Pretty Little Liars and I realize it’s because I relate to her so damn much. The rage (sans the homophobia and whole drowning thing), the denial, the projecting, and eventually the acceptance. The biggest aspect is her tendency to destroy everything she touches. Not to be a big old bag of negativity, but I’ve got a knack for messing things up good and proper.

    Yvonne: I don’t drink anymore but when I did it was Jack and Diet Coke all the way.

    Alex: Easy, Lauren Bacall in her prime. That voice and that body get me every damn time.

    Rachel: Two years ago I moved away from all my friends and family for a job. It was the best decision I ever made. Being away from the influences of everybody I was able to spend time figuring out who the hell I am. It was always easier to build myself around the people I truly care about because I always felt that I was a hopeless crazy mess. But being alone for the first time ever I had to take a good long look in the mirror and figure out who I am. I finally went to a doctor for my mood issues and was diagnosed with bipolar ii and began managing it. Without the stress of trying to please everybody I dedicated myself to being healthy and dropped 60lbs. Most importantly I figured out and accepted that I REALLY like girls.
    Five years ago I wouldn’t never have believed that I’d be in shape, happy, and an out and proud lesbian.

  103. the first thought I had this morning was, “why isn’t my girlfriend in bed with me?” – still getting used to the separation after a year of being roommates in college. the second thought was “i cannot deal with these kids at camp for one more second.” needless to say, i dealt okay. #dreamjob

    the fictional character that reminds me of me is probably, like, luna lovegood. but gayer.

    my fave alcoholic beverage is honestly just malibu rum and pepsi. plain af

    i would not for a second believe that i would turn out to love girls as much as i do… but i guess that one’s pretty obvious. i wouldn’t believe that i failed out of college, or that i’d have this much trouble getting through the day……. but i also wouldn’t believe i’d ever be this happy at the same time, with my girl and my cats and all. so some nice surprises, on top of the not-so-nice ones.

  104. I am going to answer these questions and the scroll up and enter conversation cause I see so many cool and interesting answers.

    Riese: I would probably title my memoir “Awkward Musings”.

    Laneia: My day is mostly over at this point, and if I recall correctly, my first thought was “what day is it?”, which I then answered incorrectly in my head, and I ended up writing that it was the 5th of July on like everything and that threw off my entire perception of time.

    Heather: A fictional character that reminds me of myself is definitely J from The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, like if the character was queer it would literally be me.

    Yvonne: I have a deep love for nonalcoholic Shirley Temples with multiple cherries, which I think describes me on some deeper level somehow.

    Alex: I would want to have ghost sex with Eartha Kitt because she was such a major badass.

    Rachel: I would not have believed 5 years ago that I would be comfortable (and excited about) making comments on a website dedicated to queer women.

  105. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
    I’ll probably call it The Grace of Falling except that I roll my eyes at it because I’d rather it be something quippy and funny. I’d rather my life be quippy and funny for that matter. Sometimes it is. The funnest chapter to write would probably be either the one covering the year before moving to SF, or the year after moving to SF. Or maybe just all of them. Does that make me a narcissist?

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
    My thoughts this morning were something like: Why am I on this side of the bed? Why is my phone making noise? I don’t have a job, I shouldn’t be awake this early, that’s the only good thing about being funemployed, why are they waking me up? They better have money to give me. Oh. Reject that call. Hey it’s 8:30 and my girlfriend–can I call them that yet, I should ask–is probably at work by now. I want snuggles and kisses. And coffee.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
    A cross between Penny from Big Bang Theory, Molly from Mike & Molly, and Hannah from Pretty Little Liars.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
    Lately it’s been Old Fashioneds and Martinis (with a twist). But neither of those actually represent me. What represents me would be coffee spiked with Bailey’s.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
    Janis Joplin. I don’t need to explain that, do I?

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
    I wouldn’t have believed that I’d be out and happy and living in San Francisco, and I *really* wouldn’t have believed that I quit teaching and am happy about that.

  106. I would title my memoir “Well, that was interesting…”

    The first thought I had this morning was “the BLEEP is that?!” mostly because I fell off the bed and smacked my skull on my nightstand. It didn’t affect my day too much other than the extra quick waking up process.

    Fictional character…I mean, I would love to be like Alana of Trebond and Olau from Tamora Pierce’s books, but I’m not that fierce.

    My favorite alcoholic beverage is a Madris.

    I would totally have ghost sex with Amelia Earhart. She’s just too cool!

    Five years ago I wouldn’t have thought that I would be moving further south than Virginia.

  107. This is the best!

    Riese: One day I was rambling to a friend about the alto clef and why I liked it, and I managed to sputter out, “Well! It’s a very sensible clef!” My friend decided that should be the name of my memoir. So, that’s what I’d say. It’d be called, “A Very Sensible Clef”

    Laneia: I think I had some sort of incoherent, “Oh, it’s only the first alarm, I still have an hour to sleep, has my roommate left yet?, oh I should vacuum the floor? (because her friend is visiting), maybe in fifteen minutes, okay, I’ll count to ten then I’ll wake up, oh wait, I have fifteen minutes before the bus…” I made the bus, but was eternally disappointed in myself for not having breakfast yet again.

    Heather: I would say Robin Sherbatsky on the first season of How I Met Your Mother. Kind of aloof, not entirely sold on romance, and into her career. Heh.

    Yvonne: My favorite is basically any kind of beer, but I would say that fizzy water would best represent me.

    Alex: OMG I have no idea. I, like, literally have no idea, and I think that means something.

    Rachel: At first I wasn’t sure because my life hasn’t changed a lot in five years, but then I was like OH WAIT. Five years ago I was still scared to admit to myself I wasn’t straight. And it’s not perfect now–I’m not out to everyone–but I’m much further along than I was then. Also, as my friend pointed out, a pixie haircut is what I was meant to have, why was my hair any other way.

    Also, also, also, this Captain Awkward thread and the comments about demisexuality forever and ever.

  108. Ghost sex with Marlene Dietrich, for sure.

    My first thoughts this morning were some bummer stuff about my Dad, and it affected my day for a little while but then work took my mind off it and I got a writing piece commissioned and then my Autostraddle shirt came in the mail and all was well.

    I never would have believed five years ago that I’d be in an amazing queer relationship with an amazing queer person. That I’d be a published writer. That I’d have a job with benefits and a union and above minimum wage.

    Moral of the story my life is great.

  109. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    I asked my girlfriend what my memoir would be called and she thinks it should be called “Cheeky, with love” which is sort of endearing but not quite as punchy as I would like.

    I like “The River Styx” but I bet an editor would veto it. They’d also say “no one cares about greek mythology this much so you need to stop referencing it.

    I work for the government and man, I would love to write about the bureaucracy of it all. I find how ridiculous it hilarious, not sure if anyone else would though.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    “Albus go back to sleep”. Which is generally my first thought every morning.

    The brilliant thing about being woken up by your dog is no matter how upsetting it is at 5am (on a SATURDAY Albus, it’s the weekend) you won’t be mad at him at 7am because he’s just too goddamn cute.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    This is a hard one.

    Maybe Atlas from Weight by Jeanette Winterson.

    Before I knew I had an anxiety disorder a lot of his inner musings really resonated with me.

    “no man believes what he does not wish to be true. I should like to unbelieve myself. I sleep at night and wake in the morning hoping to be gone. It never happens. One knee forward, one knee bent, I bear the world”

    “I return to problems I cannot solve because real problems cannot be solved. The universe is expanding, the more we see, the more we discover there is to see. Always a new beginning, a different end”.

    Or every Mary Oliver poem ever.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    I’m not a big drinker so maté, a Uruguayan tea.

    In Uruguay everyone drinks it all the time. It’s made to be shared so it is social.

    I live in Australian so people here generally think I am smoking some sort of weird pipe when I’m drinking it.

    There is nothing more calming or that makes me feel as warm and safe as maté does. It is home in a drink.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Cleopatra… In the library of Alexandria. Before Julius Caeser set fire to it.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    Five years ago I was pining over a girl whose heart I had broken awhile before then so she wanted nothing to do with me. Cut to now, one abusive relationship later and me and this girl have been together 3 and a half years, we own an apartment together, a beautiful dog named Albus Dumbledog and are planning kids.

    In 2010 there is no way I would have believed that we’d get a genuine shot to make it work and that we (and especially I) could have such a beautiful relationship.

    When I was interested in her back then she wasn’t very nice to me, for good reason, but I would have never believed she is this kind and compassionate and loving. I also would not have believed that I could be with someone who loves and encourages all of my little weird habits, or that doesn’t mind when I spend hours reading fanfiction or obsessing over fictional characters.

    I’d probably tell myself to be patient with her, she’s got her own stuff to deal with before she can be with you, and also do NOT date that other girl just because she is the polar opposite. She is dangerous and opposite is not a good thing.

  110. Memoir title: failbot wins at life.

    Waking thoughts: oh god grad school but at least i get to go swimming first WOO SWIMMING! I went swimming and it was awesome but have done no grad school work today. Prescient.

    Character that represents me: *sound of wind blowing through an abandoned cabin in the desert*

    Honorable mention: Roast Beef Kazenzakis.

    Drink: Scotch. If I do manage to make good on my plan to retire in South America, then mescal.

    Sex ghost: I liked a previous commenter’s idea for a ghost date to start. Not sure who WHOOOOOOOO get it? it’s a ghost. Someone smart and compassionate and quirky.

    Five years ago: that I would have best friends. Several! Never happened to young me and I pined for having close friends.
    Now I do!

  111. The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    I think the first thing I thought about this morning was yoga. I’ve been trying to practice every day for a month to keep myself sane because I’m on this incredibly boring teacher seminar on the Constitution in D.C. Surrounded by people who, unlike me, are apparently not doing this for the scholarship money. I’ve heard so much negativity towards kids, not to mention tons of casual racism/ignorance which is exhausting.

    I feel like a lil baby but I really miss my liberal bubble of like-minded teacher-friends. Those who live in places like this 24/7, how do you do it? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that people who really L.O.V.E. the constitution are a pretty conservative bunch.. But I’m in the #4th queerest city (thanks AS Queer Girl City Guide!) w/no queers in sight!

  112. Also this weekend is going to be the coldest weather in Melbourne, Australia in about 60 years and people are FREAKING OUT about it and I don’t like the cold either but it’s kind of funny because we don’t really understand what cold is.

    There’s going to be a top of around 10 degrees (50 Fahrenheit) but it’ll apparently feel like 1 degree (33 Fahrenheit), which is cold for us, but again, we don’t understand what cold is here.

  113. Memoir – ” ‘Damn,’ Said the Duchess”

    First Thought – “Damnit.” (This may be theme)

    Alcohol – Jack Daniels, neat, shotglass not-chilled

    Ghost Sex – I cannot get over my Scientific Rationalism today enough to engage with that question.

    One thing – Damnit, how am I STILL so entangled in my ex’s life?

  114. Riese: What would you title your memoir?
    Assuming the Worst. A memoir.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
    First thought: “Ugh, why must I always wake up minutes before my alarm goes off?” I’m also PMS’ing. So, its been an emotional day? Haha.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
    Daria Morgendorffer

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
    Beer! IPA’s. Love Red Trolley Ale. I really need a beer, guys.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be? I’m not sure?! Hmm….

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
    That I am finally coming out to my mother! Jesus christ, I’m fucking scared but it’s time. *insert internal screaming here*

    This was fun, you guys!

  115. Laneia: The first thought I had this morning was “what time is it oh shit it’s 1pm she’s gonna be off work in 2 hrs” because my friend/ex is coming over to hang out. It’ll affect me because I get super nervous but I am also trying really hard to be a good friend. I’m just hanging out right now waiting for her actually. Autostraddle is helping as usual.

    Yvonne: I love beer more than anything.

  116. Well this is fun! I’ve just spent a really enjoyable 15 minutes reading everyone’s responses, and now I’m excited to figure out mine. We should do this more often, y’all.

    Riese: My memoir might be called “Hold on, I need to finish having this idea.” The funnest chapter to write would probably be the one when I was in kindergarten and was unreasonably obsessed with school. And by kindergarten I mean pretty much always.

    Laneia: I woke up so FRUSTRATED today because my housemates were talking really loudly outside my door and woke me up from a dream I really wanted to finish. In the dream I was playing some sort of board game-ish thing and the rules kept changing and I couldn’t figure them out. And I was JUST about to figure out the rules and reach a point of brilliant enlightenment when I woke up. Luckily, I was able to switch gears and let go of my frustration, which is not always easy for me.

    Heather: I can’t think of many fictional characters that I relate to on a deeply personal level (as opposed to a general human level). Probably Scout Finch is the closest. But in terms of historical figures, Alan Turing. I don’t know why exactly, something about brain wiring. But I saw the Imitation Game and cried for like an hour due to an overwhelming sensation that I was watching a movie about myself. Which makes no sense because I haven’t cracked any codes or any of the things that actually happened in the movie.

    Yvonne: I don’t drink alcohol because my endocrine system doesn’t respond appropriately to that (as well as other) chemichals. But my favorite drink is Elderflower Presse. No kidding it’s like fairy sweat brewed by Mary Poppins.

    Alex: If I liked sex more, I’d want to have ghost sex with Joan of Arc. But probably I’d rather just have brainsex with Goethe.

    Rachel: I would never have believed that my romantic relationship would be a model for some of my friends. Much less that the 4-year relationship I’d be in would be with a cis-man.

  117. I guess that I would title my memoir (I have not really thought about this much) Caramel flavoured Curmudgeon.

    My first thought of the day is usually about the dream I had: I dreamed that I killed my boss and didn’t feel bad about it. I figured it was just a dream and I she’s not that bad, really. I felt peaceful afterwards, so … that’s good, and I’m taking that with me throughout the lovely sunny winter day with snow on the mountain.

    The fictional character whom I am most like: a cross between Mary from the Secret Garden and Mr and Mrs Twit from The Twits.

    My favourite alcoholic beverage is a hoppy pilsener. My favourite sweet alcoholic liqueur is Pina Colada. My favourite drink of all is Indian Tonic with Quinine. I am most like Quinine, sour and sweet and great anytime. I love Indian Tonic so much that I prefer it to anything else most of the time.

    As for ghost sex? god, I feel the need to do a dead people search on google. ugh. Joan Baez, but she is still with us. dunno.

    One thing about my life today that I would not have believed five years ago? That I am more caramel than curmudgeon.

  118. If I could have ghost sex with any dead famous person it would be Paul Newman.
    At literally any legal age.
    I have been in love with him since I was a little girl.

    I once wrote an essay in my high school creative writing class chronicling the hotness of Paul Newman with special consideration of the years I felt he spent at peak hotness, (which was basically most of his life) compared to the hotness levels of other male sexual icons of his time.
    …I get really jazzed up by cute boys.

    • I got so excited about my ghost Paul Newman sex that I forgot to answer the rest of the questions!

      The fictional character who reminds me the most of myself is Lady Chatterly. I had such a hard on for DH Lawrence when I was a kid.

      My favorite alcoholic beverage is a Tom Collins with a zillion limes, but if I had a hard week and I’m poor and want to get wrecked for 5 bucks I’ll get a Long Island.

      The title of my memoir would be:
      I Ate Too Much Pizza and Now My Stomach Hurts.
      I think the most fun chapters to write would be about my years working in retail. I met my two best friends while working on the shipment crew at an Old Navy together 14 years ago, and we spent the most amazing and horrible years there.

      I don’t want to talk about my first thoughts from today and how they followed me around too long, but I appreciate you asking nonetheless, Laneia. <3

      One thing about my life today that I wouldn't have believed would be a thing 5 years ago is literally everything about my life.
      Everything is completely different.
      5 years ago I was living a miserable existence in Massachusetts with the boy I'd been dating since high school, we didn't love each other, and I wished every day the world would just stop.

      Now I live on the west coast with my female spouse, I'm a 32 year old college student, and I'm actually happy.
      AND I HAVE A DOG AND HE IS GREAT BECAUSE DOGS ARE GREAT.

  119. This isn’t related to anything, but tomorrow night my girlfriend/fiancee/love of my life/primary partner is meeting the couple I recently started dating and really like and I’m super nervous. We’re having dinner together, so if they don’t like each other it could be a really awkward evening. I mean, I think they will, but you never know. I’ve talked a lot about each of them to each other, so it’s not totally out-of-the-blue or anything, but still.

    Also, here is a random picture of one of my cats!

  120. Riese: My memoir does not yet have a title, but the funnest chapter would be this one, because it’s my favourite so far!

    Laneia: The first thought I had was ‘I really want to see that girl again / when will I see her again?’, which is silly because I saw her yesterday but also reasonable because now holidays is ending and we don’t go to school together and I am so busy? It will probably mean we arrange another date for soon.

    Heather: The fictional character that reminds me of me is like Ginny Weasley (or maybe I just want to be her?). Actually mostly Quinn Fabray? Or at least, that’s how my high school years would have been if not for my friends.

    Yvonne: My favourite non-alcoholic beverage is banana smoothie – scratch that, the WORLD’S BEST BEVERAGE OF ALL TIME is banana smoothie.

    Rachel: Five years ago, I would not have believed that I would be gay, or that I would have chopped all my hair off, multiple times in multiple different styles.

  121. Well five years ago I got super pissed at these guys in high school for starting a rumor that my best friend and I were lesbian for each other. (Also she was dating one of those guys, so like him and his friends were joking about her cheating on him?) and now here I am five years later, we’ve both realized we’re bisexual (but she’s so far in the closet she found one inside of Narnia; I’m pretty much the only person who knows) and almost hooked up for half a second followed by a summer of awkwardness (but don’t worry, we’re fine now). So yeah, try telling that to five-years-ago me. No really, I’ll wait…

  122. Riese: What would you title your memoir?

    And Then Things Got Weird. Best chapter: Living in the desert with a man named Papa Bear.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Amelia Earhart.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    That I’d be divorced and in a happy loving queer relationship. That I wouldn’t feel invisible.

  123. My favorite thing about my life that I wouldn’t have believed 5 years ago is that I managed to graduate from college, with a double major none the less! Just-about-to-finish-high-school me would have found that to be mind blowing.
    The title of my memoir would probably be “I Did it Anyway”, and the funniest chapter would probably be the one that I’m in now. I just moved into my first apartment with my best friend, and even time I come home there’s some ridiculous and wonderful shit happening.
    Also, today my supervisor, one of my co workers and I made our high school aged teams of humans that we boss around fairly embarrassed because we sat in the front of the van looking for “Fight Song” on the radio, and passionately/loudly sang it when we found it. This went on for the whole half an hour we were driving through town, and it was SO MUCH FUN. (Also, “Fight Song” was on 5 different radio stations at 8 slightly different times.)

  124. First of all: who the hell puts peas in their guacamole?! That is just… no. No no no.

    Riese: I think I have another solid 30 years before I can even begin to answer this. And judging from my essay-writing habits, I’d have the entire book written before I decided on a title. And it would probably be a pun. And my professor/editor would circle it and write “Jessica…” and then roll their eyes when they handed it back to me.

    Laneia: The first thought I had today was “Fuck, it’s early, I hate this shit” because I’m 19 and I get up at 6:30am to make it to staff a music summer camp for kids at 8am. But my second thought was probably best summed up with a smile because my best friend and roommate, who is currently 3,000 miles away from me, texted me and it always makes my day to wake up to a text from her. (We are platonic life partners and I love her to death.) That happiness has stayed with me all day. Plus, the kids in the camp performed today and it was adorable. The parents were really happy which is super cute to see, and there was a dad watching his daughter and the expression on his face was something like “I am so in awe that this kid is mine and is so wonderful” and I literally teared up watching it because he just looked so happy to be there watching her and oh my god guys it was too much for 10am.

    Heather: Hermione is more of a know-it-all but her, probably. (My friends might disagree with that analysis and say that I am just as much of a know-it-all.) But also there’s this amazing book called Scatter by Sara Ray, and it’s about two girls who start dating in a small town in Kentucky. Incredible imagery, beautiful writing, beautiful, relatable, imperfect characters. Made me cry a lot. One of the main characters, Cal, reminds me a lot of myself – introverted, a bit mercurial, very philosophical. Very open about most parts of herself to prevent prying about the other parts. The character was based off the author, and she and I have the same Myers-Briggs type (INFJ/ENFJ). God, I loved that book. 100% recommend. Bring tissues.

    Yvonne: My favorite beverage is root beer. Or mint lemonade. Depends what I’m in the mood for. I just asked my three best friends what beverage I would be and these are the responses: “Water? You’re like straight-laced and stuff. But like flavored water. Because you have layers. Why are you asking me this? I feel like it’s a trap.” “Um, a beer? You’re like dependable and stuff. But like a craft beer. Or at least you’d think you were a craft beer.” “You would be like something really sophisticated, like a dirty vodka martini, but you would be able to morph into a super familiar and chill beer at will.” I have no idea what that says about me but I’m a bit concerned.

    Alex: Moaning Myrtle. JUST KIDDING! (I hope someone else found that amusing but it is highly possible it’s just me.) Um… Audrey Hepburn. Except she was straight (I think?) so like that’s not good. Maybe Eleanor Roosevelt but I find her so impressive I might just sit down with her and talk sociology/advocacy/human rights stuff for ten hours instead.

    Rachel: Well, I’m gay. So that was a bit of a shocker. Aside from that, I’m actually considering law school which is surprising. And I’m not at an Ivy League because I chose to apply ED to a small liberal arts college that’s not ranked in the top five. I think 14yo me would be horrified and crushed because she needed a few more years to understand herself well enough to pick the right school.

    Miscellaneous: Working on an internship with a school district that’s social work, specifically mental health, specifically suicide prevention. It’s good and fulfilling work but I’m finding it really hard to keep working at it, because it’s both unscheduled and kind of emotionally draining. Trying to figure out how keep my spirits up enough to be productive.

    Also, this website is incredible. So thank you to all of you for the fantastic content and just for being part of it. This was a lifesaver (maybe even literally) when I was trying to figure out my sexuality and if I was okay with it. You all do great work and we all appreciate it so, so much.

    WOW THIS IS SO LONG WOW I guess I really like talking about myself which surprises me but probably nobody else. So I’m at least self-aware about my lack of self-awareness?

  125. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    OH NO (all caps), and it would be a graphic novel probably. The funnest chapter to draw would probs be college, because I was more experimental in my dress and hair styles! I’m not much of a writer, can you tell?

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    First thought was about how hard the couch cushions I slept on were, because I slept over at my sister’s last night! I have, unfortunately, been dragging that thought around with me, because my back is still kinda achy.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    I DON’T KNOW AND IT’S STRESSING ME OUT???
    I guess I really related with (book) Katniss’s constant, rather calculating inner monologue and also her thoughts about her leg hair? But also not a lot of other things, so.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    Favorite: pretty much any variety of rum-based mixed drink, raspberry lambic, flemish sours.
    Me: ginger beer! Like ginger ale but with more bite. It’s pretty great on its own but it might be even better mixed with other drinks/ingredients/people. Also it’ll help you out if you’re feeling sick to your stomach!

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Frida Khalo, probably? I have no strong feelings about this.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    GAY GAY GAY


    homemade paper flower rainbow crown as evidence.

    So yeah, Last weekend Holly and her bestie Calvin and I road tripped up to Cambria, on the central california coast, for a (gay!!) wedding. It was so lovely and I cried at the ceremony. Also Calvin has great music taste and DJed our whole trip besides the actual wedding reception; I took notes on the stuff I really liked and now I’m listening to a rad playlist.




    road trip road trip it’s a pretty roaad triiip


    Cambria was so cute! And so were we tbh


    Wedding finery in a magical garden


    quality road tripping companions


    and quality wedding guests

    Work is wild and is about to get even crazier–august and september are going to be SO SO busy!! Right now we’re gearing up for all those jobs and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, but also glad because hey! business is pretty good right now!! Mostly successfully self employed/small businessed! YAY


    dahlias ft my feet


    FLOWER SELFIE

    Yesterday I got my AS order in the mail, so today I’m using my Vapid Fluff bag and reading Queer Sultry Summer, and I just cried a little bit at work because of @madderka ‘s Public Hair piece.
    Life is pretty good!

    And a final flower nerd nitpick: those aren’t Zinnias! They’re Spider Mums!

  126. Since this is an open thread, I felt the need to share with the class: I just lip synced half of Taylor swifts “red” album using a glass of rose as my microphone

    Who else is on my level right now? No one? Okay, that’s cool, that’s cool.

  127. Ok, so I’ve been lurking for longer than I care to admit and now I feel like a terrible person so… Hi!

    The title of my memoir would be “What did you want again? Oh, that? I probably lost it.”

    The first thing I thought this morning was “Oh god I have to chop 55 tomatoes before nine” so I went and chopped tomatoes.

    Ok so the real reason I really wanted to comment was that last night I went to an Indigo girls concert and I’ve literally never seen so many queer women in one place before! It was really cool but also awkward because my parents kept raising eyebrows at everyone and then glancing furtively at me and stuff. (They love the Indigo Girls as a band but try to overlook the gay thing). Was anyone else there last night?

    • Okay so.. 55 tomatoes before 9.. why did you have to chop them? And I know what you mean about parental-furtive-glancing. Any time anything lady-queer happens in public or on television and my mother is a witness to it, she feels the need to tell me and/or stare at me as it’s occurring. So I’ll just get text messages like “M’ija, there are lesbians on PBS right now!” or if we’re together in public she’ll be all “… Do you think those girls over there are lesbians?” and just look at me for a few seconds. Idk.

  128. Happy Shaking Down dear Editors.

    In answer to Riese’s question, it’s a toss up between #sorrynotsorry or IDFWU.

    Rachel, I would not believe that I would be back at college AND actually enjoying it/not failing. (I’m a reformed college drop out).

    Yvonne, my drink of choice for the sole purpose of drinking is a gin and tonic. With food I enjoy wine – red or white depending on what I’m eating. The drink that best represents me is fernet. An acquired taste. If you like it, you really like it. If you don’t, you really hate it.

    This week has been nonstop. I left NYC very early on Sunday morning and flew back home to Australia. Arrived home late Monday night, started my final semester of university on Tuesday. Had college classes Tuesday-Thursday and worked all day Friday. So glad it’s Saturday and I’m heading to a boozy lunch.

  129. I would like to contribute that

    -I am the lovechild of Remus Lupin and Harriet Vane
    -I actually really delight in -flat- root beer and There Is Nothing Wrong With My Love
    -I kinda fancy light green nails at the moment
    -Y’all have really 10/10 ideas about ghosts to have sex with
    -I got sidetracked by thinking about dead people I wish I had met, and want to confess that Lloyd Alexander died when I was in the middle of writing him a letter when I was 11, and then the same thing happened with Diana Wynne Jones when I was 15, and I haven’t trusted myself to write letters to my heroes since

  130. In the last five years, I’ve changed careers, moved back home to my favorite city, and come out to most of the important people in my life. It’s been huge, and I would have had so much trouble picturing it then. This question really prompted me to realize how far I’ve come in what now seems like a really short time!

  131. Chicken Soup for the Cat Vest Making Beer Swilling Queer’s Soul is probably too long for a subtitle but I like the idea of writing something with a name like a Sufjan song.
    like:
    Once More for the Mountain Feelings Party! Or a Refrain for Poussey, and a Plague on the House of Chaiken

    the first thought I had today was ‘ugh work, must stay in bed’ and I’m realizing that I need to make a change in a major way because of how this oppressive office I’m at is tearing my soul into bits and pieces each day despite the work itself being very low stress. the contrast of lovely on and offline spaces such as this and workplaces where everyone is just full of garbage is so striking, and I’m fed the fuck up with folding myself into a tiny box and not being authentic and saying what the fuck I think to the tea party brigade.

    I’d like to think I’m a beer because I love beer and it’s a big carby glass of delicious, but I don’t think I’m all that bitter? maybe a stout, or one of those shots with frangelico where you just have to laugh because how does it taste like pb&j other than magic

    Ghost Frida Kahlo would be pretty great to spend some bunk time with, and also just to be like wow your brain and heart are beautiful and amazing let’s listen to music and hold ghost hands

    5 years ago I couldn’t have dreamed I would have a fraction of the chosen family and amazing network I do now, and so so much of it is thanks to autostraddle dot com and you incredible human moonbeams

    oh and the fictional character who most reminds me of myself is probably Ramona Quimby because I’m a goof

  132. So after a week of my conservative catholic grandmother staying to help keep the house in order after my mom’s surgery, she’s FINALLY going back home.. Praise the gay gods. She hovered so much I could feel the wind from the propellers of her helicopter parenting style from the 70s which was all sorts of not fun. I’m so excited to be a loud, swearing liberal again!

    Riese: I feel like my memoir would be titled “Wait, what?: how life got the better of me and left me utterly confused” or something like that…

    Laneia: “Oh my god, where’s my phone? Did I sleep in? What time is it?!” Was the first thought of my day. Still have yet to find my phone… Which is worrying… But I wasn’t late to work which was nice.

    Heather: I don’t know about who reminds me most of myself, but I’ve always wanted to be like Sara Crewe from the book “A Little Princess”. I love how she uses storytelling to get herself through life’s shitty spots.

    Yvonne: Wine. Wine represents me.

    Alex: Wow, this is super hard… Um… Audrey Hepburn? Although idk if I wanna be her or have sex with her more… Oops.

    Rachel: Hey I’m gonna be a teacher/writer. Hey, I’m gay. Hey I’m publicly out. Hey I’m okay with all of these things.

  133. Something I wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    This week, I agreed — enthusiastically — to be photographed as part of a project a photographer friend is doing on the theme of “Virago,” in the sense of “a woman of great stature, strength, and courage.”

    People, this is so unbelievable in so many ways. Five years ago, I wasn’t out even to myself as a trans woman. I rarely have seen myself as a person of “stature, strength, and courage,” and I have never wanted to be photographed. I spent so, so many years believing that I was a schlumpy, fundamentally unattractive boy. TBH, I never even liked very much to look at myself in a mirror.

    But now? Why yes, I am a woman. And yes, in deciding to transition and in coming out to friends and family, I’ve discovered reserves of strength and courage that I never knew I had. And yes, in fact, I can look at myself and see a body and a face that I can believe someone wants to take beautiful pictures of. Pictures — of me! — that other people might will find pleasing to look at.

    And the best part? I have a place to tell people (you!) how amazed and gobsmacked and excited I am about it all. That’s the best part.

  134. Y’all I just want to share that I finally came out to my parents this week!!! It went pretty well, I guess. They said they love me and support me, but today they kept talking about how I could get discriminated against by hiring managers, landlords, etc, and how that “concerns” them. And they were asking questions about my girlfriend in a very skeptical way. But I feel very relieved now that I’ve finally got that weight off my chest. I just have very mixed emotions about it! I know this doesn’t answer any of this week’s questions at all but I’m too exhausted from the week to write any other words besides these. Anyway, regardless of what my parents think about it, all I have to do is go to Autostraddle.com to be reaffirmed in my belief that being gay is awesome! So thank you for that.

  135. I would call my memoir I Thought Life Would Be Punnier, the funnest chapter to write would probably be about what my life is like now and over the last year or two. A Camp feelings and everything <3

    My first thought this morning:"I would much rather have another self-love date day/night then go to work right now. Also why does my cute picture of my butt in the AS Straddle This underwear I just got have so few notes on Tumblr, come on! I look good!" Work was just as bad as I thought it would be and my cute butt still has very few notes 🙁

    Someone recently told me I am a lot like Kermit and that is such a huge compliment to me 😀

    (non alcoholic) Favorite beverage at this very moment Hibiscus iced tea. Drink that represents me hot chocolate.

    Katharine Hepburn! Hell yeah!

    Five years ago I would not have believed that I know so many awesome, cute, beautiful, smart queer people in real life!! 😀

  136. I’m late to the party. I’ve been oddly busy this week and haven’t been able to comment, which is funny because it’s essentially commenting week.

    I saw Fun Home tonight (again). It was lovely (again).

    Riese:
    Title: I Have a Lot of Feelings: A Musical Memoir. (Yes, my memoir will be a musical. Obviously.)
    Favorite song to write: My Therapist Looks Like Amy Brenneman

    Laneia: My first thought today was “It’s 6:30 am and I’m seeing Fun Home tonight!” It definitely got me through the day. Today was awesome. Thank you to all involved.

    Heather: When I was in high school, I would have said Holden Caulfield. Can I cheat and say a character from a play I wrote that’s kind of based on true feelings? Okay, thanks. So her.

    Yvonne:
    Alcoholic: Sangria!
    Non-alcoholic: Limonello iced tea, unsweetened, from Argo Tea.
    Beverage that represents me: a hot toddy

    Alex: Elaine Stritch

    Rachel: SO MANY THINGS. That I have a BA and MFA from NYU, that I live on my own, in NYC, with a dog. That I work professionally in theatre. That I don’t have full-blown panic attacks anymore.

  137. The me of five years ago would never, ever have believed I would ever leave my abusive marriage, have my own townhouse, grow my hair out, loose 60lbs, be out of the closet as a lesbian or be as ridiculously happy as I am but rest assured her disbelief didn’t stop me from doing all of those things.

  138. Beverage: Micheladas. Because they taste like liquid spicy pizza and I love that even though most people think that sounds gross. I think I really like super-savory foods in general. (Popcorn w/ chili powder + nutritional yeast + paprika + cayenne + butter is my favorite snack).

    Also I went on a successful first date last weekend and we have plans for Sunday and I’m excited and I didn’t even feel super anxious like normal! I don’t have very much day-to-day anxiety (if at all) but for some reason, since I’m not super experienced with dating it makes me really panicky which is usually unfortunate timing. But this time I didn’t feel like that which is cool. This lady is actually super chill and I felt really comfortable with her. So that’s neat. We shall see though; I’m trying to not get my hopes up too much.

  139. What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?) Today, I think my memoir title would be Proverbial Fires, Literal Floods because it’s something one of the members of my cast said to me today after an unfortunate sprinkler debacle yesterday during a dress rehearsal threatened the theater with a flood. She thanked me for “putting out proverbial fires and preventing literal floods” which just sounds really cool but basically means I know how to keep people from screaming at each other in an 8hr rehearsal and know the number to emergency maintenance. The most fun chapter to write would probably be this year/spring quarter because I made a lot of really great friends, worked on a lot of really great shows, FINALLY felt confident as a human, and went to A-Camp. Actually A-Camp might get its own chapter.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? I strongly identify with Matilda to this day. Please someone give me telekinetic powers please.

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!) Since A-Camp I have been all about the St. Germain gin & tonic!!!! Probably what represents me is a bottle of moscato or two-buck chuck or like a Smirnoff Ice or Mike’s Hard or something. Interpret as you will

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be? Ghost sex seems logistically scary but I’m going to go with Nina Foch because I just saw “An American in Paris” and like still thinking about her.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? That I would be working in theater and considering it as a career!

    Some other things:
    1) Today the first girl I fell in love with said “I love you” on the phone to me and while she definitely meant it in a best friends way, and while I definitely didn’t have feelings about her saying it to me, I couldn’t quite say it back so nonchalantly?
    2) I am 78% certain that my roommate is sextSkyping a friend who is far away. I could be wrong but all I can hear is giggling and really fast typing.
    3) I just bought veggies and fruit and I feel like a real adult now. College summers are hard.

  140. I like these questions.

    Memoir question makes me super sad because I thought of a really, really good one when I got drunk with my siblings the first time I could legally drink in the US that had to do with hating men and I forgot it!! I’m still so pissed!!

    First thought this morning was maybe that it was too cold. Which is relevant because I was cold all day and that meant that I didn’t swim in the lake by my sister’s house (my life is AMAZING right now) because it was too cold.

    Fictional character question is something I could write a whole essay on. One of my best friends really strongly identifies with fictional characters and I used to never understand it…until I came out to myself. And then all the sudden I was looking everywhere for a fictional character that I could identify with, watching all the shows, reading all the books, and struggling with the feeling that I could never find anyone. Right now, honestly, I’m going to go with Emily Fields from PLL mostly because I swim (but not that fast) and tend to take care of others ahead of me. Fortunately I don’t believe my vagina is cursed so hopefully my future girlfriends won’t all get killed, raised from the dead, or leave or just disappear mysteriously (where’d ya go, Samara and Talia?)

    Alcoholic beverage – I got really into gin and tonics before I was legal, now I’m trying everything.

    Ghost sex with Cleopatra cause I’m too tired to think more cleverly.

    Five years ago…probably would have been surprised to discover that I’m gay and also so far away from my twin brother.

  141. Fictional character I am would be James Potter, and also Dean Winchester.

    Memoir, I don’t know… Funny chapter might be my Michael Jackson faze in 2008, and he would be the ghost I’d sleep with, circa 1982-3.

    First thought this morning was something along the lines of, ‘My friend and I shouldn’t be girlfriends’, and I will tell you the story bc who else do I have to tell? So I’ve had this friend for like four years now, and just the last month or so have become attracted to her. I came out to her (and everyone) at the beginning of the year, and she came out as ace to me at the same time. Last wkend, I asked her by text if she wanted to be girlfriends, and she took an hour and a half to get back to me, to say that she had thought about it, and was willing to give a go. I had been so fricking nervous, and was so happy that she’d said yes. She stayed over this wkend though, and it’s become obvious that she doesn’t like me like that at all. So I’m all mixed up right now; sad and disappointed, kind of relieved, wondering what to say and how and when to say it, to say we should just stay friends. Mostly I just feel empty and fake and useless. Obvs the thought stayed with me all day.

    My drink would be water, bc that’s all I drink.

    Something I wouldn’t have believed five years ago… I would say my queerness, but I don’t think I would have been /that/ surprised. Maybe that I would have made such a good friend online, or that I wouldn’t have a relationship with my dad anymore.

    Sorry for the mood killer post, guys. Love you all xx

    • I’m sorry it didn’t work out with your friend/girlfriend, but I’m glad that you shared. I’m perfectly fine with sitting with you in this space for a minute to acknowledge all those feelings. I think you, Michy, make a very worthy, very excellent James Potter.

  142. I woke up thinking LOTTTARRPPS (sounds like lo-tarps) which is an initialism that I had to learn for the emergency medical responder course I’m taking this week!!!! I decided I needed a change from the world of used books, and also customers who consider books a matter of life and death. So instead I’m gonna learn about things that might actually be a matter of life and death! And yes, this stuck with me all day (lotarps that is) which was super helpful! And then I decided to really commit to this and change the course of my life. So today was v. productive/terrifying!

    I love all your adorable editorial faces a lot a lot. Please keep being the best forever.

  143. One thing about my life I would be shocked to know 5 years ago would probably be that I regularly drink black coffee now. I’ve been experimenting with learning to hand make coffee and it just sort of happened. Me from 5 years ago would be SCANDALIZED.

    Which relates to my first thought this morning which was about the cold brew coffee experiment I started last night.

    (If you aren’t familiar, to make cold brew you mix coffee grounds with cold water in some large container if you’re making a bunch like I did and let it stew for 12-24 hours either in the fridge or at room temp, et voila, concentrated coffee with 70% less acidity and a smoother, sweeter taste you can then dilute with water or have over ice or mixed with milk or cream. There are dedicated cold brew makers which are basically a big bucket with a small circular filter at the bottom above a little hole the coffee drains out of, which for $30-$50 seemed like a bit of a waste of money so I decided to just throw it all in something I had that already fit and filter it out myself at the end. Easy peasy. Spoiler alert: I WAS WRONG.)

    It affected my day by having to run around and find carafes to store all the cold brew I was making in. Turns out it is a major pain in the ass to make a large batch when you only have little #4 coffee filters to filter out 50ish oz. of coffee with lots of silty sediment that clogs it all up.

    It actually ended up tasting fine (although not as concentrated as I was going for) but it took YEARS OFF MY LIFE TO FILTER IT ALL OUT.

    On the plus side, while on my mission to find stuff for the coffee I bought a new watch and a pair of shoes that were on sale! So mission very much accomplished I would say.

    Also now I don’t have to make coffee for the week!

      • Yes! Actually when I was looking up how to do home cold brew I kept finding articles and videos using a french press (since it’s already got the filtration thing built in! Though sadly I don’t own one).

        Here’s one of the first articles that comes up when you google “cold brew with french press” and it seems to hit most of the good points (although it says not to depress the filter which I don’t know is really that much of an issue since every other thing I’ve seen says it’s ok to do so) http://www.thecoffeecompass.com/how-to-make-cold-brew-coffee-with-a-french-press/

        If you want an even cleaner cup you can run the end product through a paper coffee filter to get out all that fine sediment like this article suggests.

        I would say google around a bit to see if any of the specific recipes speak to you!

    • Thank you so much for this! I will undoubtedly be making my own cold-brew from here on out. I was buying the containers of that one coffee giant’s cold brew for a while there, but you don’t get much for the 6 dollar a bottle price tag.. so this is much better! Yay coffee!

  144. GUESS WHAT?

    Driving home from lunch/hair cut with my Mum today we were talking about stuff. And then somehow we got onto politics, and our Prime Minister, Tony Abbott and how my Mum thinks that he’s allowing his catholic views to cloud the equal marriage issue…

    AND MY MUM WENT ON TO SAY THAT SHE FULLY SUPPORTS EQUAL MARRIAGE. WHICH, MEANS ME, GUYS.

    We haven’t had many conversations about me being gay. She was devastated, but not surprised when I came out.

    My Mum should work for the CIA. She has amazing powers of extraction and can talk to anyone. She’s seriously ill with cancer and recently spent 3 weeks in hospital, after which she got patient transport home. During those 3 hours, the Ambulance guy, who is gay, told her his story. His partner of 25 years recently died from AIDS; he nursed him through this time and the 1 year anniversary was coming up. He happened to have his partners photo in his wallet and confessed that he didn’t know how he would get through the anniversary day. At the end, when they dropped her home, he broke protocol and gave my Mum a hug and told her that she was ‘a very special lady’ (She is. The Best).

    It was this conversation that helped my Mum to deal with all her feelings and the reality of having a gay daughter; our community is just so important.

  145. Omg. I only found this at midnight and holy grah, the scrolling. Scrolling scrolling SCROLLING FOR DAYS YO.

    My memoir at the moment would probably be called “I can’t even: the continuing quest to learn how to even.” Funniest chapter will probably be the Stupid College Years, tentatively titled “learning to human before women is hard.”

    Actually I jumped into here simply to tell the world that it is midnight but in 8 hours the Outsiders from camp are attempting to have a google hangout video chat and I am THE MOST EXCITED I CANT EVEN RIGHT NOW (AGAIN, AS USUAL) and yeah. Will probably spend tomorrow skyping, feeling, cleaning, reading, catching up on commenting, and feeling some more.

    CARRY ON.

  146. What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    I don’t know, but I suspect it would probably end up being a cat pun of some kind. I think the funniest chapter would turn out to be the one about my parents. Irish and Scottish immigrants living in Australia, dinner at their house often feels like existing inside an episode of Father Ted. They’re both raving mad and quite funny people.

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    My first thought this morning was that it was hailing outside, and that I was exceeding warm and comfortable. I have the end of a cold, so instead of going out in it I cancelled all my plans, made a pot of tea and grilled cheese and spent the day marathoning Orphan Black. I just finished baking lemon curd tart and am waiting for Thai food to be delivered. Am not often thankful for hail, but it inspired a pretty excellent day.

    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    At the moment, the Chocolate Oatmeal Stout on limited release at my local pub, in front of the fire place. Also whisky (particularly peaty ones) and red wine. Non-alcholic, I drink tea like my life depends on it – strong black tea with lots of milk and no sugar.

    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    I cannot think of a single dead person I want to have ghost sex with right now, and I feel weird about googling ‘hot dead queer women’, so I’m just going to run with the only one that comes to mind – Marlene Dietrich. I feel like she’d probably be pretty good in bed for a dead lady, so.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    Every single part of it. Five years ago I was in a horrible relationship I felt like I had no escape from except probably death. It sucked all of the joy out of me. Since then I HAVE escaped, started and (almost) finished an MA, been in and ended a less horrible relationship that proved to myself that I am actually an awesome partner and did not in fact deserve any of the awfulness of the previous one, bought a car, got my dream job, been diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease (the ass of which I am kicking) and spent a summer in Paris. All in all, 2015 Cat would have felt like a beautiful dream to 2010 Cat.

  147. Late to this party but as part of my commenting chat chat debut seems like a good way to say HI

    What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
    >> ‘Between the Sofa Cushions’, with the funnest chapter possibly the one about early childhood which I have totally forgotten so I will have to make it up? They will be the surrealest years.

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
    >> ‘Where am I?’ Which is helpful because not knowing who or where you are whilst generally in bed is actually quite soothing and implies all is baseline okay.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
    >> Ilana from Broad City, but mainly aspirationally > Vodka orange: it gets you drunk quick but tastes like sweet healthy orange juice! Plus it has a very tough sounding cocktail name: ‘Screwdriver’. This has been my signature drink since I was 15 and nothing has changed.

    Other fun info (funfo?): today I will be coming here to stay sane and healthy whilst writing funding bids for a christian organisation who believe that one of the “needs” they are addressing is children with no “male role models” (this is my current hustle and it is making my laptop keyboard a vomity place).

    • Vodka and orange juice was my signature drink all throughout high school also, to the point that I put that as my favorite drink in my senior yearbook. I’ve moved on to bourbon and ginger ale but v&o’s will always be associated with home for me!

      • Oh I really like whiskey and ginger ale too (whiskey > vodka, ginger > most other things), but screwdrivers have the edge for me because they’re cheaper 😀

        Your story about your highschool romance with v&os makes me realise that truly Mme Screwdriver is the queen of teen drinking. What an honour for a humble juice mix :’)

  148. I’ve been thinking more about that 5 year question. 5 years ago I was living in the conservative/religious capitol of the Midwest, with no queer friends, in the closet, in a soul sucking job that didn’t pay enough, with homophobic housemates. Then I went to the first A-camp and everything changed. Now I live a fantastic city, with 2 adorable kitties and family and friends who know the real me, I have a job where I’m respected and valued, I’m involved in the community (to the point where going to a neighborhood street festival means getting stopped by half a dozen kids and families from the work that I do), and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve never been a very brave person, going to that first Camp was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but it gave me the courage to change my life. So even if I don’t comment as much or rely on the online straddler community as much as I did before, I hope that it will always be around because y’all are doing the goddess’s work here, I swear.

    Ok gushiness over. Happy Saturday!

  149. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Danny from Carmilla reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. I’m pretty overprotective of the people I care about, and I jump to conclusions far too quickly. And not in a cute way. A couple of my many character flaws. Poor Danny has had approximately zero good things happen to her in the entire web series, so I’m hoping that the writers throw her a bone at some point this season (though that seems unlikely).

    I saw Jurassic World last night and it was terrible. Just so, so bad. Character development? Nope. Plot? Maybe. Jump scares? Constantly. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to think at the end of the movie. (spoilers save yourself) What happens to B.D. Wong? Most of the villains and dinosaurs are dead… what now? I know they’re trying to leave room for sequels (ew), but I don’t feel like the movie really ended. It was just so bad you guys. So bad.

  150. I would have trippy ghost sex with Leonora Carrington, with frequent pauses while she locates a pencil because that’s the kind of situation that she would totally paint.

    My favourite drink is a gin and tonic, which does not represent me in any way in that it is elegant, sophisticated and has an abundance of chill.

    Aaand I can’t think of anything nearly pretentious enough to be the title of my memoir right now…

  151. The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?:
    The first thought I had this morning was that my gf sleeping next to me is so sweet and adorable, but I worry if things will be weird when she wakes up because last night we started to have sex but I abruptly stopped everything without much explanation because of the facts that a.) she’s never had sex before, b.) she’s experienced some form of sexual abuse in the past that makes her uncomfortable with sex, and c.) I’m considerably more experienced and expected to guide her through it were all just too much pressure. I was struggling with the situation and how best to handle it and without many real options, I just shut it out and went to bed instead. Later, after she woke up, things were fine. We talked about it briefly but mostly, we’re ignoring it. I’m still trying to navigate how to guide someone sexually who doesn’t know exactly what they want/are comfortable with and how to do all that in the most respectful way possible. We’ll see how it goes.


    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!):
    Without a doubt, cheap wine in a fancy-looking bottle is my favorite alcoholic beverage and totally represents me. I like things (and myself) to look nice but be cheap as hell. If it looks nice and does the job, who cares? Additionally, I think it speaks to my years of internalized classism… “You’re poor (cheap wine), but try to look as though you’re a little wealthier (fancy bottle).”

  152. Confession: this week was almost the first time I’ve ever commented on Autostraddle, and I’ve been reading for 5ish years now. I’m really glad for the call to comment, because I tend to overthink and consequently limit my contributions to conversations.

    Now for the fun part:

    Riese: My first title idea was “No Excellent Soul” or “Mixture of madness” from Aristotle’s quote, “No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness”
    But I think it would be something funnier, maybe. Definitely a quote or a reference.
    Fun chapters would include:
    — one about the progress of my musical taste from mix CDs my older sister made me to how rap improved my self-image (thanks, Mr. West and Nicki Minaj!)
    — one entitled “I think that I might get a kick out of life if life were more like a sitcom” about what TV did/didn’t teach me
    — one about how I am who I am because I was a kid surrounded by hippies and yiddish communists and lesbians

    Laneia: “which of my 10 alarms is going off? is it too loud? can I sleep later and not feel worse?”
    Mornings have never been my thing or held my most productive thoughts.

    Heather: I think there’s a lot of me in Willow Rosenberg: nerdy shyness, dating nice boys then falling hard for strong girls with hard stories, humor, destructive rage. I’m also definitely part Ben Wyatt… I relate to how he looks right at the camera in weird situations.

    Yvonne: my favorite is hendricks&tonic or a prosecco cocktail or a floral beer, which probably represents me: precise, undeniably bourgeois, and goddamn delightful.

    Alex: Virginia Woolf ’cause she gets it, Josephine Baker ’cause she’s stunning and dances, Mae West ’cause she’d crack me up

    Rachel: I was 16, so it’s worth noting that for some parts of that year I couldn’t imagine getting through the two weeks in front of me.
    I never would have believed Katharine would have stopped speaking to me, or that I would go to a school I’d never heard of (MHC!) to study physics, or that my ratio of queer girl friends to my guy friends would be ~ 50:1, that the worst was almost over, that I would really love my body.

  153. Riese: It would be titled “Megan’s a lesbian, and other obvious things realized much later”. The funniest chapter would likely be how I got the nickname MC Git Bizzy. Ask me about it sometime.

    Laneia: Why is the cat harassing me? It’s too early for her breakfast. (It was 7:45, so way past their normal feeding time.)

    Heather: Most days, Liz Lemon; I am exasperated by my coworkers and my love life is depressing. On the days where I have grand plans that fail, Yzma.

    Yvonne: Alcoholic would have to be a Southside. Gin, lemon juice, simple syrup and mint. Or rosé wine. Non-alcoholic is definitely strong Irish breakfast tea with half-and-half.

    Alex: Hmmm…I don’t know!! If she would, Coco Chanel – I am a Francophile.

    Rachel: Five years ago, I would have never thought that I would like, much less being an accountant and be close to finishing my master’s degree in the subject. That I would be excited about the job I was taking in Houston. That I would have divorced my ex-husband. That I would be creeping my way out of the closet (seriously, I’m talking about this with my therapist today). That, after losing myself trying to be something I’m not, would be preparing to reclaim my life.

  154. I’m a day late and I’ve never been good at participating in Friday open threads but IN THE SPIRIT OF THE WEEK here I am, doing this, engaging with others<3

    Riese: definitely some variation of the many terrible puns I have made of my name, such as Raq Bottom and Raq City Bitch (two very different memoirs). The most fun chapter will probably be about how I came out to my mom by yelling at her that you don’t need a penis to have sex. I’m sorry mom.

    Laneia: ‘fuck I am hungover,’ but then I read this beautiful article about how being hungover is actually a license to not give a fuck and I leaned into that hard.

    Heather: maybe Enid in the movie adaptation of ghost world but maybe that’s more wishful than anything else

    Yvonne: there’s a great queer bar here with a thing called the “golden ticket” which involves whiskey, kombucha, and a ginger candy and it’s wonderful. But I think I am something with grapefruit and mescal on a good day; something with well gin and flat tonic water on a bad one.

    Alex: I always had a weird crush on percy bysshe shelley but absolutely my #1 answer to this is susan sontag, especially if I can listen to her work through the metaphysical repercussions of our ghost sex afterward.

    Rachel: hey raquel! your second (!) girlfriend (!!) broke up with you so you moved to brasil and then to nicaragua and then came back to your hometown to design enterprise software dealing with advanced data analytics for engineers haha remember how you skipped math

    also now you intern for that amazing website with the one taylor swift article that started your feminism!!

    also now you like taylor swift

  155. – Favorite drink is probably girly cocktails because I like things that taste like candy and also get me drunk. Also anything with pineapple vodka has a special place in my heart because that was responsible for a lot of formative college moments.

    – 5-years-ago me would never have believed I’d move back to my hometown for graduate school. To be fair, right-now-me is also pretty sure that may not have been the best choice for me, but at least I could tell my past self that I’m over half way through and its not a total disaster. I’d tell her cherish college though because post-grad life (espeically here) is hella lonely.

    – First thing I thought when I woke up was “whoa it’s already light out”. I’ve been waking up at 4:00, so days off are glorious things. Is it going to affect the rest of my day? Probably not a ton- I actually love what I’m doing so I kind of miss it on days off. I’m going to do things that need to get done.

    – I identify really strongly with Remus Lupin from the Shoebox Project (which I feel like is basically cannon anyway) because he’s hella awkward and nerdy and also in love with his best friend.

    I put a mango out in the sun to ripen up yesterday afternoon. A few hours later I walked past my dog and saw her chewing on a chew toy that I didn’t recognize… turns out she thought I put the mango on the coffee table for her chewing pleasure. To be fair, I’m not sure if this counts as eating something “wierd” because mangos are delicious and I did place it perfectly at puppy-height so really it’s my own fault

  156. Riese: What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?

    “Secretly Lionhearted”. And probably the chapter about how/why I started backpacking, and that first trip.

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    “Whoever is weed-whacking before 7AM needs to be thrown in the stocks in the town green.”

    While someone *was* weed-whacking at 6:45 this morning, I don’t think we have stocks in my city (or, to be honest, a town green). Rudely-awoken-me was totally convinced that this was an appropriate and valid punishment, though. I was grouchy, but got up and got some things done. I’ll take a nap later, probably, but that’s about the extent that I’m going to let it affect me.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?

    It’s a toss-up between gin and tonic or dark and stormy. For both questions. 🙂 (I can be both a crabby old person ranting on my porch, or burning and a little dangerous.)

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    It has all turned out pretty much okay so far. I was definitely in a place five years ago where I wasn’t sure if that would be true.

  157. Riese -A Long Way Down the Garden Path
    -I’m not sure I’ve reached that chapter yet
    Heather – My headcanon trans!girl mixed race Harry Potter
    Alex- I’m unsure as to the logistics of ghost sex exactly, but I think my ideal ghost lover would have to be Ching Shih
    Rachel- That I could be confident beyond measure in my body, and be surrounded by loving queer friends.

  158. Laneia: “I wonder if I have any bacon. I do have bacon! I’m going to make bacon for breakfast.” [I didn’t end up making bacon for breakfast. Saving it for dinner.]
    Heather: Hermione. Has everyone said Hermione? I’m ok with that.
    Yvonne: Jack Daniels, to both questions. It’s middlebrow and unpretentious but still so good.
    Alex: Ghost sex with Edna St. Vincent Millay plz
    Rachel: That I’d be more interested in dating women than men! I used to be boy-crazy.

    (sorry Riese, I don’t even know what my memoir would be about yet, much less what the title should be)

  159. so!many!comments!yay!

    I just came here to make sure everyone knows I’m an aperol spritz. in case anyone was super curious.

    also if you told me five years ago I would live in central fucking iowa I would have laughed and told you no one actually lives in iowa that’s ridiculous. but here I sit. in the actual middle of iowa.

  160. Heather: my fictional character is definitely Alice Pieszecki, and believe me, I did take a moment to think about whether this was just too much for me to be saying as a queer lady on a queer website, but then I decided to just live my truth, so.

    Rachel: five years ago I was “straight” (and wondering why my relationships with men weren’t making me happy), had just-ok long hair, and spent a lot of mental energy planning for/wondering about my future career/general life as a grownup; now I’m a 100% out-to-the-entire-world gay (I just even came out to my parents and the world did not end, y’all!), I have an alh and know how to use hair product (wtf), and I have a master’s degree and a salaried job that I love..? also shit got real with my bipolar disorder/general mental health for a minute (ok a year or three) in that time, so idk everything is pretty unbelievable

  161. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    not so sure about title. I’m hoping my next year or so will make for a really fun chapter. big, long-awaited changes coming up. (moving and stuff.)

    Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    whyyyy didn’t I drink more water last night. I used to be so good about hydrating after drinking, but lately I have really failed at it. woke up at like 5am super parched. I’m not hungover or anything, so it wasn’t a big deal, but it was kind of annoying.

    Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    used to be george from dead like me. I’m not sure I’d still say that, though I still love her character. for some reason, I really identified with roddy doyle’s character paula spencer. his first book about her is really about domestic abuse, and I haven’t had that same experience at all, but I really felt the ways that she came to recognize herself and her situations and worked to make them better.

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    my fav is maybe a mojito. if it weren’t summer right now I might choose a white russian, but it is summer, and I feel really strongly about mojitos being amazing. as far as what represents me, I think maybe I’m chocolate milk. I’m not sure exactly what that says about me, but it feels right.

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    nooope. nope. thank you though.

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    I dunno if I can choose only one. from twenty-five to thirty brought a lot of changes. honestly I can’t believe I’m thirty. it’s weird. I realized like two and a half years ago that I’m gay, and that has been tough in some ways but really liberating in others. it’s nice to feel like I make sense. around that same time, I finally started taking positive steps for my mental health, and that’s still a journey, but I’m glad I’m on it. I refused for a really, really long time to try any sort of medication, and I think five years ago me would be surprised that I finally decided to give it a chance and that I’ve been really glad I did. I’d probably be really excited to know I finally chopped all my hair off. five years ago I was in the middle of this awful experiment in growing my hair super long, and it really was the worst on me. suuuper glad that’s over with and I’m living the short hair life. feels much, much more me.

    lastly: still waiting on senior editor answers! inquiring minds, etc

  162. Memoir: no idea on the title. Funniest part would probably be the time I was chased by a deer.

    First thought: Checking on someone in the hospital. Seems to be going ok.

    Fictional character: I don’t know. I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t read fiction.

    Alcohol: I always take suggestions for drinks. I haven’t figured that out yet.

    Ghost sex: am I a ghost, too? All I can think of is ghostbusters and that’s somehow not doing it for me.

    Five years: so much has changed in five years. When my kids were tiny, I loved the tiny and wanted them to stay that way. The older they get, the more I adore older kids. I now look at teenage boys like adorable gangly puppies. I’m constantly looking for and finding sweetness where I saw very little before.

  163. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Madeline! I had my appendix out when I was very little, just like her. I woke up in the middle of the night, just like her. That book got me through my time in the hospital, and I strive for her assertiveness and fierce compassion. I dressed as her for Halloween, and it was pretty adorable.

    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    I am totally shocked that I am back living in my province of Alberta, and that I am moving away, and that it is heartbreaking this time. I moved to the east coast when I was 17, and it was so nice to be away from the prairies and my hometown and the conservative dynasty.

    Now, after two years in Edmonton, AB, I am moving back to the East Coast and it is devastating. We finally have an NDP government, I have friends and a good relationship with my family. I read Malaika’s with tears in my eyes. It is weird to have built a home so quickly and then to walk away from it. I feel like I will suffocate on the musty, muddy, small-skied East Coast. I feel like I will lose all the confidence and self-esteem I have carefully cultivated in this beautiful place.

    Wish me the best, my Autostraddle comrades!

  164. Fictional character: I’m a more artsy cross between Hermione and George from the fantastic five

    Liquor: Laphroaig, any day

    My life is pretty much going as I planned five years ago…kidding, it totally isn’t. But that’s a good thing 🙂

    Made several attempts to write my autobiography up until the ripe age of 12, after which I accepted the inevitable decline of my life story into oblivion. My favorite title is “Metaphysique du Tube” by Amelie Nothomb

  165. What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
    OH MAN, I’ve thought about this probably a bit too much in the past 24 hours, and I think the most appropriate title would be: “I Have To Pee – Musings From the Life of a Weak-Bladdered Weirdo”. The funnest chapter to write would probably be the one where I recount all of the times I’ve figured out that, really, I cook better when I’ve had a few drinks.
    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
    The first thought I had this morning was “whoa, wtf was that dream” because I had just woken up from a dream in which I was wandering around a multi-story hotel/business complex looking for my child, who was a dragon, and reassuring one of my friends, who was practicing a speech for a meeting wherein everyone was dressed like Daft Punk. I also woke up with the urge to pee, so I had to pee through most of this dream…which just cements my resolve about the memoir title.
    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
    Probably a cross between Commander Shepard (from Mass Effect, of course) and Morrigan (from Dragon Age, of course). Shep because she’s always trying to solve everyone’s problems and is simultaneously a giant dweeb, and Morrigan because she has difficulty expressing her emotions and as a result attempts to pretend they don’t exist. Also she’s a smartass.
    What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
    My favorite alcoholic beverage is beer.. And as far as which beverage represents me.. probably … espresso with milk.
    If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
    Any of the Mirabal sisters.
    What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
    One: that I’m out, especially to my mom (who is still convinced that “bisexual” means “going to definitely, no m’ija seriously, marry a cis dude”… but whatever, she’s a great mom otherwise). Two: that I’m actually following my dream of becoming a biologist (for most of my life I thought I was awful at math and science.. thanks, patriarchy! … But it turns out.. I’m AWESOME at these things).

    In other news, I’m getting a puppy. So, people with dogs: important puppy/dog knowledge/tips?! HRM? HRRRRM? I’m kind of terrified, honestly, because I’m used to having cats, and beyond being clingy assholes who knock drinks off of tables, they’re fairly low-maintenance. My precious, old-lady love of my life cat died at 17 years of age back in January, and I’ve never had a puppy.. so I figured WHY NOT. Anyway, drop your knowledge on me, fur-child owners.

  166. Memoir: BaeWatch: Babes, Books, and Beyonce

    Fictional Character: I asked my co-worker she said Poussey – but then said your not an alcoholic. I will say Beneatha from the play ‘A Raisin in the Sun’

    Ghost Sex: Hands down – Lorraine Hansberry (An AA playwright – look her up!) One way to my heart and my pants is intelligence and being able to construct a beautiful piece of art.

    Life Today: Going to A-Camp! Being able to live boldly in my queerness and meeting my Beyhive!

  167. Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    “All my titties”

    Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)

    KOMBUCHA BEER

    Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?

    Jim Morrison and/or Amy Winehouse

    Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?

    Jordan.

  168. Title of memoir: “Lazy and naked: a life spent maximizing time spent in bed”

    First Morning Thought: My wife sleeps cute. I want to wake her up so we can have blueberry creme fraiche pancakes.
    But she looks so cute sleeping, so I will be hungry and let her sleep for another hour.

    Fictional character that reminds me of me: Elizabeth Bennet

    Favorite alcoholic beverage: Salty Dog
    Alcoholic beverage representative of me: Sidecar

    Famous Ghost Sex Partner: The idea grosses me out

    Wouldn’t have believed this 5 years ago: I am done with my first year of grad school for statistics

  169. I know I’m a little late to the open thread party, but I wanted to comment and say how thankful I am for Autostraddle being a bi friendly space.
    After yet another frustrating, demeaning, and generally sad experience with an LGBT (but let’s be real, LG) meetup this weekend, I’m feeling exasperated and quite frankly done with the queer community. I’m grateful to Autostraddle for being the lone bright spot in my experience with the gay community 🙂

  170. What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)

    I recently joked on twitter that I wanted to title my memoir “Too Much Coffee and Not Enough Food,” and I’m sticking to it! Each chapter would open with a story about a time I had had too much coffee and did something ridiculous. The funniest chapter would probably be one in which I talk about planning to come out to my mom and not doing it because she revealed to me that she was a published author of a gay romance novel. Ba dum chhhhhhh

    The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?

    My cat wakes up up at 5 or 6 AM every day meowing for food and I cannot. make. it. stop. So my first thought every morning is always, “Oh god why,” and I take it with me until she does something really cute and I melt.

    What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

    Lately I identify with Gail Simone’s Barbara Gordon/Batgirl, and her need to deal with mental health stuff via violence, not in an unhealthy way! I take hapkido classes and studied Tae Kwon Do for ten years, it’s built