HELLO MUSKETEERS. We are coming to you live from Big Bear, California, where all of the senior editors in addition to Alex, wood sprite and also design director, are working together and occasionally eating string cheese. It’s our annual editorial summit, informally called Big Bear Shakedown, in which we get some time to work on big-picture stuff about what we want to do with this website of ours and also get to watch animal odd couple youtube videos together. Yesterday morning Heather showed us all a video of a cat getting its teeth brushed that her girlfriend sent her, and that was just fucking delightful.
Here is Riese making plans to change the world
I feel like Laneia didn’t want me, Rachel, to take this picture, thank you for putting up with it Laneia
We’re all so so thrilled about how Tell Us Everything Week is going — there’s nothing better than seeing a gravatar face we aren’t familiar with comment with thoughts and feelings that we would never have known about otherwise! Please keep it up, and thank you so much for reaffirming this day and every day that we have the best readers of anyplace on earth.
Heather is in her natural habitat, behind a vase of zinnias
Yvonne and Alex are handling taco night and they would prefer that you not put peas in your guacamole please
In the spirit of telling us everything — everything! — we’ve decided to structure this as a chill, casual interview. It’s totally not a big deal, don’t get nervous, we just have some questions for you. Answering them is optional, but also encouraged.
Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
You are free to answer all of these or none of them! Or like two of them! It’s a free world. At least here inside this one very specific post it is.
HIIIIIII
Also though, please don’t stop there! Like seriously tell us EVERYTHING. Did your dog eat anything weird off the floor this week? Did you find your favorite outfit all over again because you did laundry for the first time in a while? Did your baby do a dance to a Tegan and Sara song for the first time? What’s the best color to paint one’s toenails?
How To Post A Photo In The Comments:
1. Find a photo! This is the easy part. Find a photo on the web, right click (on a Mac, control+click), hit “Copy Image URL” and then…
2. Code it in to your comment! Use the following code, and use a DIRECT LINK to the image. Your image link should end in .JPG or .GIF or .PNG or .CallMeWhateverYouWant even. I don’t care, but it should be an image suffix! KINDA LIKE THIS:
If you need to upload the photo you love from your computer, try using imgur. To learn more about posting photos, check out Ali’s step-by-step guide.
How To Post A Video In The Comments, Too:
1. Find a video on YouTube or Vimeo or WHATEVER and click “embed.” Copy that code, but first make sure it’s for 640 px wide or less. If your player is too large, it will not display properly.
2. Copy the code and paste it directly into your comment.
3. Go forth and jam.
What I wouldn’t believe 5 years ago that has happened to me: I have a kitty cat and a great hairstyle..
does your kitty cat also have a great hairstyle
Hayley Kiyoko’s “Girls Like Girls” led me to this video:
Halsey – Ghost.
I went down the same youtube rabbit trail! I like that Halsey has two videos for Ghost, one with a guy and one with a girl.
She has stated publicly that she’s bisexual.
Jinkies. Velma kissing a girl is everything I’ve ever wanted that I didn’t know existed.
So I’d totally be down for having ghost sex with Francesca Woodman. Please and thank you. I love vodka with pretty much everything, and flavored vodkas–cupcake and marshmallow and birthday cake, et. al. My favorite favorite is this lemon-y blue thing with lots and lots and lots of vodka. But, I’m sure I’m much more like this orange rum I once downed a whole bottle of in one night. Strange and fruity and also rum.
I’m adopting a dog (pretty sure she’s a wolf…her brother killed a cow…) tomorrow and I’m kind of freaking out about it. She’s BEAUTIFUL though. And so sweet. And vicious looking so I can go on hikes and walks at whatever hour or however removed from society I please without feeling at all scared for my safety.
A friend of mine started dating my recent ex (we dated two years), and it’s strange. I don’t care too much, it doesn’t hurt as much as I was afraid it would, but it’s still…weird. Like, she and her boyfriend and my ex and I would hang out quite a bit, they were together as long as my ex and I were and during the same span of time. So it’s just weird. I also thought it would make me feel shitty to be the one that’s not the first to be in a new relationship but honestly, I don’t give a shit. I don’t feel an urge to hop on OKCupid or Tinder or whatever. I don’t feel (too much) of an urge to try to get in the pants of one of my coworkers who’s really cool and also TOTALLY closeted (I see you in those skinny pants and cardigans and with your intense devotion to your cats. I see you so hard). I’m just content with being totally single and working on myself and focusing more on increasing and bettering my friend group, and focusing on work. It also makes me feel somewhat good to know I don’t need a girlfriend to feel better about myself. I don’t NEED to be in a relationship. This is the first time I’ve felt like that, since I came out four years ago. I’ve just had a revolving door of ladies and I felt like I absolutely HAD to have at the very least a fuck buddy, or else I felt undesirable or something. But I have some things I want to accomplish before I bring another person into my life. I don’t want a repeat of my last relationship. And I think that takes bettering myself and my self-esteem.
To that end, I’ve lost a little over thirty pounds since I broke up. I think that says a lot about that relationship. It makes me feel amazing, but I still have about fifty pounds to go before I’d feel TRULY happy with my body, but whatevs.
Whoa I bet Francesca Woodman would love the idea of ghost sex. In fact they should make a retrospective of her work called Ghost Sex. I would buy that book.
re: new dog & relationship revelations
good for you, friend! take care of yourself and your body, and enjoy all the wonderful things about your canine companion
“Strange and fruity,” I love that description for the orange rum but also for yourself!
omg a dogwolf?! that’s amazing though, i’m sure she’ll bring you lots of joy!
yeah, that must be hard and weird to see that happen! i think it’s ok to have those feelings. but i’m really happy you’re investing more time on yourself before jumping into a relationship. i think it’s really important to do that, just to take some time on yourself before jumping into another thing!
Jealous of your new dog; I hope you post pics of her!
I’m also enjoying the space being single has given me to work on myself, and using exercise routine to turn my life around. High-five to you and your inspiring post.
I’m curious to know how big the dog it, cause I met a lady once who had a dog that could take down a large bear cub and that dog is the size of a St. Bernard and the dog didn’t like it when unfamiliar masculine people(her words) came near her during walks.
She’s seventy-five pounds, give or take. She’s pretty tall and lanky and she has a lot of fur. But she’s definitely finished growing—she’s five. I don’t know how big her brother was or how big the cow was. Really, I think all it would take is a bite to the neck…I dunno. Apparently he was caught in the act and it was pretty bloody. When my family had cows, one of the cows tried to kill our dog, but beyond that, I can’t imagine a domesticated dog, even a pretty aggressive one, wanting to take out a cow. I don’t see WHY they’d want to.
My parents’ dog killed a llama in his younger days…allegedly. He’s eight now and if you met him, you wouldn’t EVER believe that he was ever capable of that. He lets kids and cats and other dogs walk all over him. He’s just a lump of love. And he’s been like that since I’ve known him—four years. But he’s pretty big. He weighs eighty pounds right now and he’s pretty slim, but also broad-shouldered with a big chest and head. So I don’t know what that llama did to him, but it must’ve been pretty bad to warrant a cold-blooded murder.
Llamas can be real assholes sometimes.
Exciting news about the new dog! (Pictures? :D ) A hiking companion animal sounds wonderful (I love my cat, but she isn’t exactly suited for that.)
Meet Amaguq (called Ama mostly).
She turns heads. And 9/10 people we’ve run into today have asked me if she’s part wolf.
She’s beautiful! I love those eyes.
My life is weird. I got invited to the White House LGBT Tech & Innovation Summit, am trying to fundraise for the School for Poetic Computation, and just been told that I have a pretty decent chance of getting the “Extraordinary Talent” EB-1 US Green Card (a.k.a. the Special Snowflake Visa) if I can figure out how to scrounge up money for lawyer costs. Yay fruitful opportunity! Now to pay for all of it…
I am going on vacation today, to visit friends and family in Reno, Tucson, and wherever in Virginia my aunt lives (including someone I met through A-Camp! Hi Maggie! <3). Also going to celebrate an American Eid! Am a bit sick though, bother. But hopefully I feel better.
What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?
I’ve always joked that my memoir would be called “Don’t Tell My Mother” and I have no idea what chapter would be fun. People keep telling me to write a memoir about visa stuff but whenever I do so I just get into angst mode instead.
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
“Urggghhh why am I sick the day I have to leave for vacation and do a couple of errands.” I’m probably “taking it with me” in the sense that I’ll still be sick, but I did take some meds, hopefully that changes things!
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Porrim Maryam from Homestuck. Sex positive feminists woo!
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?
I like stuff with bubbles. My favourite cocktail is something I had in Brisbane called Tiger’s Milk, which is basically hot milk with honey liquer and possibly something else. So deceptively good – you don’t realize that it’s alcoholic until you start feeling woozy. Maybe that’s a metaphor for me, idk.
If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Bwaha! Urgh, I don’t know, no one strikes me as being particularly attractive.
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
Around this time 5 years ago I think I was just about or just entered a period of epic heartbreak and fallout with this chick I was trying to woo. Also it was around this time that the big fallout between me and the Australian burlesque scene started to happen. I guess I never really anticipated being halfway across the world, with a Masters degree (!!!), having had other queer relationships, and now moving on to the tech world.
OH! OH I JUST REMEMBERED!
ABSINTHE!
<3 <3 <3
Yes, this times 10!
Congratulations on the white house invite and the visa possibility, you special snowflake!
seconded, so impressive and exciting!
so cool! i was invited to it too but i can’t go buttttt i think our intern chloe is going if possible!!
aaahhh let her know so we can say hi :)
Oh man, I didn’t expect this. Should I have brought something with me? I should’ve brought something with me. I’m never prepared for interviews. Alright, I got this.
Alright, my memoir would almost certainly be called Joyeux Noel, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t reached the best chapter in my life yet, but that’s okay because The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and Disney World still exist and I still have time. My first thought this morning was “oh shit please don’t let it be one” and I wound up waking myself up in a blind panic because I thought it was one and I swear to god if my friend doesn’t come over at one like he’s supposed to I will write him very strongly worded text messages
I got compared to Tina from Bob’s Burgers throughout high school, so…that was a thing. I also identify with Bee from Bee and Puppycat and Amethyst from Steven Universe. So basically I’m a huge dork that watches only cartoons. And sometimes documentaries and food shows. Or documentaries with food.
I keep trying to think of historical figures but I can only think of Josephine Baker and you know what? I’m pretty cool with that. Josephine Baker was a mega babe and a super badass in general. I’m sure I’ll think of someone else later but for now I’m pretty confident with my answer. The only problem is I would probably be intimidated by her coolness.
And, uh, one thing about my life that I wouldn’t believe…um. I’m at a very weird spot in my life where I’m sure 14 year old me would be very confused about my life choices and to be honest, so am I. Maybe I will revisit this question in the future. In any case, I have a cat and she is the cutest fattest thing ever and everyone loves her even though my dad didn’t like cats and my mom was allergic.
Editors, I wanna see your answers too!
seconded! gonna need editors’ answers
Riese: Have glue gun will travel – funniest chapter probably the one where I list other people’s anecdotes or list all the times I’ve injured myself and my mother has laughed…even when trying to apologise. Apparently it’s hilarious when I trip over handbags…
Laneia: It’s my missus’ birthday, did I sleep through and miss it… No nope it’s fine. It affected my day in that we did lovely birthday things :)
Heather: I aspire to be Esmerelda Weatherwax when I’m old. I can’t think of anyone that reminds me of me…
Yvonne: Tequila. The El Diablo, not sure what’s in it besides tequila – ginger beer and lime and something. It’s firey but slightly sweet with a kick and sounds worse than it is.
Alex: Nope!
Rachel: I own a campervan. Life goal achieved.
ooo what a great drink choice that represents you! All these adjectives would be so awesome on a business card! haha
Thanks :) have to say I don’t drink much these days but this one is a fond flashback…and fairly close to being an accurate description, esp the sounds worse than it is.
CAMPERVAN! post pics if you like so I can live vicariously through your campervan ownership.
Even after a year I’m still so excited to own one. She’s in need of a little superficial cosmetic work but I can’t wait to go camping again next week.
Riese: Glitter On My Tie, and Other Stories From My Weirdo Brain. The funniest chapter to write would definitely be about the seven month period when I dated seven basic ass dudes and then finally gave up and came out.
Laneia: My first thought was “fuck all of it.” But then I made tea and now I am accepting some of it.
Heather: On my best days I like to think I’m a books 5-7 Neville Longbottom. Today I feel like Helga Pataki.
Yvonne: Whiskey on the rocks is my fav, but the world probably sees me as a Jack and Coke.
Alex: Do I also have to be a ghost? If I’m also a ghost, it’s Joan of Arc. If I’m alive and they are dead, Emily Dickinson.
Rachel: I am a professional writer who gets to put her words on the best website on the internet.
I should have thought of Joan and Emily (we are all on a first name basis). Is it weird that Joan was like 14 though?
I knowww but if we’re both dead/eternal I feel like the rules sort of go out the window, no?
That makes sense. Also, she would now being muuuuuch older than 14, so I guess it works.
yesss
Emily Dickinson can get it FOR SURE.
I think Emily Dickinson was my first gay crush and this is an actual true story, not just a fun comment
“I HIDE myself within my flower,
That wearing on your breast,
You, unsuspecting, wear me too—
And angels know the rest.
I hide myself within my flower, 5
That, fading from your vase,
You, unsuspecting, feel for me
Almost a loneliness.”
This is the first poem I ever remember reading I was very young like maybe in the 4th grade and I liked knowing that a woman wrote it, idk
YES
I love the specificity of your Neville Longbottom identification.
I also identify with Neville! I like that you specified the particular time in his life.
Also, I would totally read that memoir.
reminder that all seven dudes had one-syllable names life is beautiful
ALSO: YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE JACK AND COKE YOU BEAUTIFUL WEIRDO YOU ARE A PERFECT GLASS OF THE PEATIEST SCOTCH AND THAT’S THAT<3
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
God, there’s so many. I don’t know if there’s one perfect character, but there’s a rainbow of characters who are different shades of me. There’s Meg Murray’s sullen intelligence; Hermione Granger’s voracious appetite for books and her know-it-all attitude (especially when we were both young); there’s Dana Fairbanks’ absolute cluelessness around women; there’s JJ Jones’ getting ‘locked on,’ which is how my fiancee now warns me that I’ve gotten fixated on a subject. There’s Kamala Khan being a huge fangirl and figuring out how to be herself in a world that doesn’t quite get her. And there’s Anne Shirley’s imagination running wild in Avonlea.
These characters have all reached into my heartspace and plucked the chords of my soul, you know? Set me quivering like a wine glass in the hand of an opera singer. I can’t choose one!
now i’m obsessed with “set me quivering like a wine glass in the hand of an opera singer” and have to use it all the time
you know how whiskey sours front like they’re all tough and badass, but are actually pretty sweet? that’s me. (also, Scots-Irish. so.)
p.s. Big Bear Shakedown sounds too good to be true.
oh that’s so true about whiskey sours, even though i had never thought about it! i will feel very affectionate towards whiskey sours now
I have had a long week of 5am starts and 8pm finishes and I am super sleepy and exhausted and I’m going over to a friend’s for veggie hotdogs and beer and it will be WONDERFUL.
I have answered all of the questions except the ghost sex one because I can’t think of anyone for ghost sex!
I come up with fake memoir titles ALL THE TIME and I have somehow forgotten all of them on the spot, probably something to do with swimming and sushi fights and befriending every cat I meet. The funnest chapter would probably be the second year of university and it would be called “Praisegod Barebones, that’s a lot of Christmas cards”.
The first thought I had this morning was “I have started waking up at 6am without any sort of alarm, does this mean I am an adult now?”
Fictional character that reminds me of me is Myka Bering because I’m a 5’9″ curly haired ex-fencer and book nerd with a crush on Jaime Murray.
My favourite alcoholic beverage is probably cider but the one that best represents me is probably a fruity craft beer that initially seems like a cool craft beer but actually it tastes mostly of juice.
As for a thing about my life now that I wouldn’t have believed five years ago: tonight I am going over to a friends for veggie hotdogs and I never thought I would be in a position where I would have so many close friends around me whom I could walk down the road to see and have food and beers with.
(Also, to add to my earlier comment about not thinking of anyone for ghost sex: probably the woman Emma Donoghue based The Sealed Letter on. I am having an Emma Donoghue phase right now.)
aw that’s so great about having close friends nearby now! i am really happy for you, say hi to your friends for us. what brand of veggie hot dogs do you use? i have never liked them but maybe i just haven’t tried the right kind.
We got the cheap ones from Sainsbury’s but we loaded them with homemade slaw and crispy onions and loads of ketchup and piri piri mayo and cheese and they were awesome! I guess if you have enough other stuff it could counteract a sub-par veggie hotdog?
And my friends say hi too!
are you a swimmer? I’m a swimmer! Can we talk about swimming? What is your fave part?
Sort of a swimmer? I’ve never done anything competitively, I just try to go a couple of times a week for fitness, but I guess swimming has the same calming effect on me that yoga has on other people? I mostly just swim lots of front crawl and then give myself breaks with a couple of lengths of breast stroke, but I’ve been having a hard time finding the time to go now so where I used to be doing 100-120+ lengths at a time I can now only manage about 60-80, which is a bit rubbish – I’m hoping summer will give me some time to get back in the habit!
How about you?
Yay for Myka Bering and H.G. Wells! Also, yay for veggie food and friends!
Can I put in a formal request to say Praisegod Barebones in my life all the time? I’m a sucker for super funny, odd interjections like this…
also YAY CLOSE FRIENDS! what a great point to be at in your life, where you are surrounded by folks with whom you can easily spend time and who (hopefully, probably!) make you feel comfortable and happy.
My first thought this morning was definitely “oh shit shit do I have time to wash my hair?! What state is it in (not good)?! Yes I have to wash it. Shit have to actually get out of bed….blergh”. This was followed by sleepy falling all over my house trying to sort my life out and also get to work in time. Glorious.
I would totally have sex with Tove Jansson. Maybe purely for the random chats afterwards about her work (mainly the Moomins). Although ask me the same question in an hour and it will almost definitely have changed. :)
I just started reading Tove Jansson’s Travelling Light :)
The first thing I thought about this morning was the dream I had last night about a golf ball sized spider running around my house. I have a deep fear of spiders so this was not a good dream. I think the dream stems from the spiders outside my office where my boss and I eat lunch.
I can’t think of a fictional character that reminds me of myself right now and that’s going to bug me all day.
Ever since I was a kid I wanted to write a memoir called “If Mirrors Could Talk”, but if I actually wrote my memoir I would wan the title to reflect the sort duality of intense happiness and intense sadness that I have had in my life. The funnest chapter would be about my families travels around the country.
I don’t really drink alcohol, but I do like Jack and Coke. This weekend I went to Applebees and ordered a frozen mango lemonade and I’m positive they gave me the alcoholic version. I was really disappointed, but at least they didn’t charge me more for it.
Is it weird if I would have sex with Abraham Lincoln? I’ve had the strangest crush on him since I was a small child. But also Cleopatra maybe? She seems like she would have been fun and badass.
I think the biggest thing I wouldn’t have believed five years ago is that my parents would get divorced.
Tonight is opening night of the play I’m staring in and I’m super nervous, but also really excited. This is the first time I have acted since I was in third grade and I’ve had to learn the hard lesson that being cute doesn’t matter if you don’t know your lines.
good luck in your play! I’m sure you’ll do great
or wait am I supposed to say break a leg or something? just translate my positivity into theater appropriate lingo…
I’m not really up on theater lingo myself, but I will take any good wishes I can get! Thank you!
Best wishes for the play tonight!
woah you’re *starring* in a play?!? kick ass and have an amazing time!
I’m basically famous ;)
Thank you!
Break a leg! And you are not the only one who’d get down with Cleopatra.
Thank you!
Cleopatra<3
That spider dream sounds TERRIFYING. I think I’ve had similar nightmares.
Break a leg! I’m so excited for you about your play. :) I used to act, but it’s been a long time.
I don’t know if/when I had a coherent thought this morning, but my first thought upon opening this post and seeing the picture was a sudden burst of concern for tripod manufacturers. I mean, with the unstoppable ascendency of the selfie, has the market for tripods collapsed? Obvs there are selfie-sticks now, but they are so cheap-ass I can’t see them covering the gap. I really hope tripod makers have diversified and no-one is going unemployed.
i have plans to buy a tripod this year so i hope you take comfort in the idea that i, at least, am doing my part to prop up that noble industry.
“prop up”
Rachel, I find your sentiments and wordplay both extremely comforting, thank you.
I should point out that tripods are not the only three-pronged devices I have a strong affinity for; once I had a strange brain freeze for several months where I found it impossible to remember the word theodolite. The only way I could get over it was by reciting it over and over again: theodolite, theodolite, theodolite. I also had the same thing happen with the word quarantine, which seems impossible considering how much x-files I’ve watched. So, there we go.
I have seen two selfie sticks in my life: one being used while riding a bicycle, and one in customs line. There are some things that selfie sticks should not be used for…
My first thought this morning was “why is the cat meowing in my ear at 5am!?!” which then resulted in me pushing her off the bed and feeling really guilty about it. All she wanted was my attention, it’s not her fault her timing was crap. But then I rolled over and passed out again (because no one should be awake for too long at 5am). My cat forgave me when I woke up a couple hours later and fed her so now I can go on with my day guilt free!
My cat woke me up a few days ago by clawing my mouth. It was very unpleasant. I’m glad she forgave you and you feel guilt-free now!
I often wake up to my cat’s purring – more pleasant than meowing or clawing. (If you think that purring isn’t loud enough to wake someone up, you haven’t heard her. It is actually as loud as someone snoring.)
—The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?—
I first noticed there was a rumbly in my tumbly and thought, “HUNGRY. NEED MY VANILLA GREEK YOGURT.” (Check!) And also, “damn that dream was a nightmare…that didn’t really happen, right? …I need to study.” (Working on it…)
“What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?”
A lot of people tell me Katniss from Hunger Games reminds them of me. I thought so, too, while reading.
People think that you’re similar to Katniss? Congratulations, what a huge compliment! :)
:) People told me that long before I read the books, so for a while I didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing. It’s not always great having a Katniss-like personality, but I do take the comparison as a compliment.
What would you title your memoir? You couldn’t have told me that sooner?
What chapter would be the funnest to write? The chapter where I describe running away from home by joining the army … and all the situations that followed.
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Thank god it’s the last day of the week and I have no classes to teach. Put me in a good mood the whole day.
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Daffy Duck
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? something cold when it’s hot, and hot when it’s cold.
What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? a non-alcoholic beverage … because I’m just a walking contradiction in terms.
If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be? Sappho
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? Pretty much nothing about the vicissitudes and vagaries of my life are beyond my belief.
I would read your autobiography!
Ta :)
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU GUYS. Are you all staying in someone’s house and sharing communal meals and fighting about who uses the shower in the morning, because that would be the cutest thing ever.
I’m also gonna attempt to use html or whatever, someone fix it for me if I fail?
What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?:
I think I would call it “everything connects”, cuz it really has. But then it would have a subtitle called “eventually” with a sub-subtitle saying “so just fucking relax”. And my coming out chapter would be the most fun to write because that’s when everything realllllly connected, if ya know what i mean (which you do).
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?:
“Fuck I have to work today/I feel sick/I hate everything/I might actually die/I can’t do this anymore”. It was melodramatic but I have the worst allergies right now and everything is tainted with my snotty nose and itchy eyes (literally and metaphorically).
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?:
I’m so fucking queer but I used to be so fucking straight, so. Also that I’ve somehow found the courage to ~pursue my dreams~. Take that, anxiety.
I would read the heck out of your memoir, purely because the title (and sub-titles) are genius!
I feel you on that first-thought-in-the-morning response. Hope your day got better though. :)
I really want an answer to the house share/gigantic adult sleepover question
We are staying in an air bnb in Big Bear because they are super-cheap in the summertime for some reason despite it being so wonderful in the summer! (I don’t think any of us have apartments that all of us could fit into.) We have two showers except you can only shave your legs in one of them. I mean, I’ve been trying to shave my legs in the one next to laneia and i’s room but that’s because I like a challenge, I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody else.
also alex, heather and rachel are sleeping on bunk beds. rachel has the top bunk. last night we introduced yvonne, heather and rachel to the joys of drunk scattergories and rachel kept making up words that turned out to be real words that turned out to be correct answers. it was really delightful because everybody cared about the rules as much as me!
I WASN’T MAKING THEM UP I KNEW THAT THEY WERE REAL WORDS. mostly. i wasn’t sure Wolof was a language when I wrote it down but then I checked afterwards and it IS.
Follow-up question: How on earth could a shower be so tiny/poorly designed that you can’t shave your legs in it? Baffling.
Ditto to those last few sentences! :P
Yooo I feel you on your last answer so much it hurts.
My first thought this morning was “why is the cat meowing in my ear at 5am!?!” which then resulted in me pushing her off the bed and feeling really guilty about it. All she wanted was my attention, it’s not her fault her timing was crap. But then I rolled over and passed out again (because no one should be awake for too long at 5am). My cat forgave me when I woke up a couple hours later and fed her so now I can go on with my day guilt free!
On a side note: when I fell asleep the second time I had this really weird dream that Laverne Cox was hosting a talk show and she wanted me to be in her first episode. So I went to a hotel room to get ready and there I ran into Kaitlyn Alexander and Sharon Belle. Dream me got so excited asking them for a picture that I actually managed to wake myself up. So I guess my second first thought of the day was about how disappointed I am that I didn’t actually get to meet Laverne Cox, Kaitlyn Alexander OR Sharon Belle.
I haven’t had time to comment AT ALL this week, but I love that Tell Us Everything Week has happened and that you’ve publicly affirmed your love of comments–I love reading them but am always worried that they’re an imposition.
Laneia’s question: I woke up this morning in an anxious tumult, so funny you should ask! I have acted on the thing that made me nervous and am now nervous about what comes next, hooray.
Heather’s question: I don’t know about “reminds me of myself,” but I feel a true kinship with Harriet the Spy, always, for better and for worse. (This article about her is one of my favourite things ever, and I do like tomato sandwiches and notebooks.)
Harriet the Spy is a great life twin to have. I should read that article. Good job kicking the first anxiety thing on your list today; that’s a good day for sure.
I have to say a bourbon Old Fashioned is my favorite drink because I live in Wisconsin.
Katherine Hepburn, hands down. Such swagger, much bossness. She can get it.
Something about my life now that i wouldn’t have believed 5 years ago: I’m actually working in my dream job (summer camp director) and my pastor’s wife of a sister has become the most fervent and outspoken ally I know.
That ‘something about your life that you wouldn’t have believed 5 years ago’ is so wonderful! Very happy for you, I’m about to drink an old fashioned in your honor.
Seriously! She went from thinking gay people are just suffering from sin and should stay celibate their whole lives, to messaging me with “now we just have to find someone for you to marry!” after the Supreme Court decision.
All of the above is awesome, including Katherine Hepburn.
If me from five years ago met me from today, Former Me would be terrified of Current Me. “You’re an adult!” she’d say. “You’re competent! You have a steady job in this time when no one is getting jobs! And wait, you’re a lesbian and people still like you and the world hasn’t ended? There’s hope!”
Then Current Me would say, “thank you, thank you so much,” while thinking, “eh, I’m not really an adult, but maybe I am, so I’ll just stay quiet and let her assume I’m competent.”
I’m on a martini kick nowadays and Former Me would probably be terrified of that too.
First thought = “ow my back.” Which kind of has defined my day because my back still hurts, but I saw a doctor and it turns out I have an infection that can be fixed with antibiotics.
P.S. The USWNT ticket-tape parade. Omg yay <3 <3 <3
I’ve just graduated and I’m hoping current me would look at 5-years-future me and think “you’re an adult! you’re competent!”
Good luck! Chances are pretty good that future-you will resemble an adult to current-you. The out-of-school awkward period is really long and includes learning so many things that nobody ever learns in formal classes. It also might not ever end, but in my opinion, it gets less awkward as time goes on.
I pretty much couldn’t wait for the open thread this week because I need to tell you fine Straddlers what happened last weekend. :D
So I met up with my grad school buddy/podcasting pal/my best straight-but-not-narrow bro last weekend. We haven’t seen each other in the flesh for a few years due to the fact he lives in Chicago and I live in FL. He invited his ex-girlfriend from undergrad turned good friend to join us for a night of partying (They dated almost a decade ago). She lives locally to me, but I never met her, despite the fact she has appeared on our show before. Well, the two of us instantly hit it off before adult beverages were consumed. We just naturally played off of each other’s humor.
We ended up going to a few gay bars (Assuming I was the token queer). My buddy pulls me aside and tells me that his ex thinks I’m cute, and I’m like, “That’s all I need to know, because I thought she was straight and I find her adorable. I just didn’t know how she would take it if I said that to her, plus she’s your EX.”
Yada yada yada, I tell her that I think she’s “Funny and cute as fuck” and we start to make out in the back of this club. Drinks start flowing more and more and we move to a different club. This girl comes up behind my newly found make out pal and puts her hands around her neck and starts to grind against her. I’m livid, so I tap the handsy chick on the shoulder and I say, “Hey, get your fucking hands off of her, would you like for someone to do that to you?!” The chick gets scared and leaves, mind you I’m all of 5’0 and 115lbs and not intimidating looking, so I’m thankful for the liquid courage I had. I don’t even remember what she looked like, but I’m going to imagine that she was as big as King Kong just to up my street cred a bit. :p
The girl that I’m hanging with was literally in tears and she said, “Nobody has ever stood up for me the way you just did.” Yada yada yada, we ended up messing around like drunk college kids in the back of our Lyft before going back to the condo rental. Mind you, we’re all close to 30 and have “grown up jobs” and I haven’t acted this way for a good 5 years.
The next day rolls around and we’re all back to being sober. I tell her that I would obviously love to meet up again and go for drinks and dinner, she agrees and needless to say we’re going out next week. I really like this girl a lot, but it is a bit strange that she is my best guy friend’s ex, but he basically set us up which is pretty sweet. I’m not taking anything too serious right now, but it’s weird how life works sometimes. She has never dated a girl before, but I certainly don’t mind being a teacher.
I wish you two the best of luck! You sound so happy!
this is awesome and gives me hope that all of my straight dude friends’s exes are secretly pining for me
Oh my gosh, this story is glorious.
Apparently, we also messed around in an elevator (cue Aerosmith) but both of us are hazy on the details of that incident. The one quasi sober friend there told both of us this yesterday.
In all seriousness though, I’m going to take it really slow with this. My buddy told me she has had a rough couple of years. I don’t want to go into details here, but a recent boyfriend did something to her that he should be serving time for…You guys are smart, so you can assume what this prick did. I really like her a lot; she’s super smart (college professor), cares about her family, cute and sexy, dirty sense of humor. I’m willing to wait.
That’s positive to hear. I am sure the woman that snuck behind her was king kong big but with a bad hair cut.
Most likely it was King Kong Big Butt with an Alternative Haircut! LOL
Good luck with all of this dude. It sounds like you’re off to a good start.
damn, get it girl!
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
A tie between Tara Maclay and Paige McCullers!
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
That I have a real girlfriend now, who likes me as much as I like her.
WELL SINCE YOU ASKED–my first thought was “what is sitting on me” because apparently my girlfriend decided she didn’t want any pillows, thank you very much, in the middle of the night, and piled them all on me instead; my next thought, after emerging from my pillow fort, was “why didn’t the alarm go off”, and then I remembered that even though I work today, she doesn’t, and there was no alarm because I thought she had already set one. And that pretty much made me bitter towards going to work today, but then when I got here, I remembered how much I like my job, and had a moment of gratitude, and so I guess it kind of turned around.
Wow, if you hadn’t asked, I don’t think I would have really reflected on that at all.
wait i thought this was going to reveal that when you woke up your girlfriend was sitting on you
I also definitely thought you were going to wake up and your girlfriend was going to be sitting on you, haha!
( I am glad your day turned around :D )
Memoir: “I Don’t Think I Can Fix That” Applicable all the way from personal life to the almost daily conversations with my bosses regarding what new thing is horrifically broken in the lab. Seriously. The constant revelations regarding a super expensive system we bought some years back makes me want to drive up to Boston so i can beat the people who built it with a blunt object. On the bright side, today I did manage to find the $2000 tube lens I had thought I lost!
Drink: Dark and stormy, usually using goya ginger beer
First thought: My back still hurts….that means I can skip lifting this morning guilt-free!
I’d read that memoir.
Ooh fun!
The first thought I had was about my dreams. I always have vivid emotional dreams. This one was some sort of argument with my mom and brother, which is somewhat puzzling since I’m on good terms with them. I sent my mom a text this morning- we often text, but I guess the dream made me want to connect with my family more.
My memoir would be Yellow, after my favorite Coldplay song. The funnest chapter is still in the future.
Fictional characters-
Eeyore (sp?) or fern from Charlotte’s web, for different reasons.
I honestly couldn’t have predicted much of my life at all 5 years ago. I wouldn’t have predicted how my relationship with my brother would develop when we became adults (mostly for the better).
I don’t drink. I’ll take coffee.
And, uh… I don’t really develop crushes on dead people. ha… I’ll have to give that one some thought.
In other news…
Summer means beach-walking and tide-pool exploring. It’s jellyfish season. Look! This one at low tide is giant, and I think it’s what whale snot must look like.
Also, here’s an old dilapidated staircase hanging off the hillside of one of my favorite beaches. I’ve climbed up it once before, though it didn’t feel particularly safe. It reminded me of a funhouse or Escher painting.
Unfortunately, the heat means wildfires in dryer regions of the state. There’s a lot of haze in the sky from distant fires, eerily pink in the sunrise and sunset,. Everyone stay safe! :(
Also, I’m going backpacking next week on my days off!
I’ve been feeling more optimistic lately, hopeful. Trying to focus on gratitudes. I’m so grateful to live in this time and place. As a woman. As a queer woman. Sure, there’s still discrimination and stigmatization, but I truly believe society is making progress. And I have so much privelage: as a person with healthcare, an education, a living wage. Honestly, the only barriers are the ones I’ve erected for myself, partly as a result of a lifelong struggle with anxiety disorders and an overall tenancy to be a loner. But …I’m 25 (nearly 26, ugh) and have all the opportunity in the world. The future is good. I think it’s a combination of chemistry (new meds) and gradually coming out to myself, accepting it as okay, and meeting others in the queer community, first online and then in real life. As courage grows, it becomes a virtuous cycle, the opposite of a vicious cycle, generating more courage and hope.
omg that beach! Reminds me of the Sappho quote, “If squeamish, don’t prod the beach ruble.”
I saw a bumper sticker I liked “I love long beach walks, poetry, and poking dead things with sticks.”
Definitely whale snot, whoa.
“Honestly, the only barriers are the ones I’ve erected for myself, partly as a result of a lifelong struggle with anxiety disorders and an overall tenancy to be a loner.”
Same. Even at my most social points in life, I was still a bit of a loner. I recently started a gratitude journal – so far, I think it improves my attitude and calms my anxiety. Small steps!
Yes, gratitude lists definitely help lift my mood. Good luck to you.
Whoa, that’s a jellyfish! I never would have guessed!
Now I’m singing “Yellow,” and that is a good thing. “Look at the stars / Look how they shine for you.” Great lyrics.
Alex Parks has the most beautiful cover of the song, which i would highly recommend listening to. (I first saw it on an autostraddle thread a while back.)
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CFRQ8MvYTU&w=420&h=315%5D
Video didn’t embed. :( But if you click on the link, it will take you there.
Beautiful cover! I love Alex’s voice. :)
Woah I’ve never seen a yellow jellyfish washed up before they’re reddish over here and look like placentas, placentae placenticese?!?! Anyone?!? Or the messed up Dalek goops from that one episode of Doctor Who…possibly Daleks in Manhattan but I could be way off. I expect to see a few this week…jelly fish not Daleks.
Virtuous cycle sounds great :)
I’ve seen two main types of jellyfish around here – small, clear ones that look like round blobs of jello – and then the giant yellow ones. But some are reddish too. They’re really quite beautiful when they’re actually in the water!
I love the song Yellow! It’s one of the few songs I can play pretty decently on guitar too.
That sounds lovely! Yellow is such a great song for the guitar.
I’ve tried deep fried jellyfish and it was pretty good. Wouldn’t try it again, but worth it once.
That sounds wild! I’m generally a fan of seafood, but I’ve never tried it.
Your beach pics and staircase and talk of forest fires made me really excited that you were gonna be a BC Straddler but then you said “state” and I got sad but also excited that there are places that look like here but aren’t here! Or something.
BC is beautiful and I love having it as our neighbor. I visited Vancouver earlier this summer, and everyone was so welcoming.
Hi, I liked the line about ‘vicious cycle turns to virtuous cycle’ – Walking through each small challenge adds up.. Connecting with other lesbians was so difficult for me when I first came out too. Coming out to myself sort of came in layers and changed over the years.
I am 55 yo, since I was a teenager, I have identified @ various times as ‘radical dyke separatist’ straight, ‘bi’, gay, queer, lesbian, gender bender (butch) and ‘celibate – lesbian’…. And possibly I may have embraced all of the shades of sexuality & gender. I consider myself a lesbian (masculine of center)today… That’s taken years to really accept and I still feel like I need to be mostly closeted at work.
I guess what I am saying is I really have to be gentle with myself when I go through changes of any kind – sexuality & gender identity have always been something I seem to have varying comfortability with…
I trust that you will go through changes and hope that you will have the folks you need to love you and cherish you as you love and cherish yourself all along your path. Blessings from a fellow traveler
Thanks for the encouraging words! It’s so nice to hear from someone who has been through a lot of growth and uncertainty and has made it out okay. Best wishes to you on your journey.
Riese: What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?
I’m a Convert: Isn’t that Enough?
Umm, the chapter on becoming a writer, because what writer doesn’t love writing about writing??
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
“Where is my head?” I fell asleep on my keyboard. It affect a few hours of my day due to the impressions the keys left on my face.
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Anne of Green Gables. My friendships are so much more important to me than anything else. As a child I had a terrible temper and was always getting into weird situations.
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?
Whisky Sour. (acts tough, but is pretty sweet. I think it is THE tender butch of drinks.)
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Jane Austen
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
I worked a terrible job for a year. I never thought I’d let myself be treated like garbage, but I did. Now I have a great job!
Reading these interviews are making me realize all of the ghost sex I want to be having. Fuck yes, Jane Austen. Fuck yes, Katherine Hepburn. Sup Joan of Arc, how you doin?
We must be kindred spirits because Anne of Green Gables was my answer too! Best answer
YES Anne of Green Gables! <3
my first thought when i woke up: i was in the middle of a very vivid dream in which i’d accidentally booked two tinder dates on the same night at the SAME TIME, so in said dream i was frantically running between two different bars with two different girls, and i was SO AFRAID they would both find out what i was up to, so i actually woke myself up to escape from the dream and then frantically checked my phone to make sure that i did not, in fact, double-book dates for myself over the weekend.
Your dream sounds like an episode of some fab tv show. :)
this is so much more interesting than my anxiety dreams, which are always just about forgetting to set the alarm. two thumbs up, would read about these dreams again
That sounds stressful! A few nights ago I actually had a dream about going to an autostraddle meet up, and then not being able to find people!
I would title my memoir “She Was Nice.” But my wife says I’m not much of a storyteller and it’s true. I forget about plot and character development and just state the facts about what happened. The end. But the title and my user name comes from a teen novel that I read years ago where one girl is putting down another and says something about do you just want your gravestone to say she was nice. And I thought yes, that is what I want to go on top of a grave where the worms and bugs can eat my body. I believe in kindness and in people (even when they drive me crazy).
My current drink of choice is wine left over from our wedding last year (there was an ice storm so people didn’t linger to drink, still the snow pictures were beautiful and everyone made it home safely) mixed with lemonade. I haven’t been much of a drinker until this past year, in my thirties. My wife and I tried to make a baby/get me pregnant with her gametes from pre-transition but it didn’t work. So maybe I’m in part mad at my body. So I’m feeding it more junk food than I use to and drinking a part of a glass of wine several evening each week.
Also I’m closing down my child care business that I’ve had for ten years and getting some part-time jobs, so things have been more up in the air and stressful than usual.
Five years ago I wouldn’t have believed that I would be married. And quite truthfully I wouldn’t have believed that I would be in a situation where I do most of the housework in addition to being responsible for most of the day to day aspects of our household (my wife has depression and anxiety that can make things difficult). At the same time I wouldn’t have believed that I still don’t have a kid.
Okay, that last paragraph made me sad so here is my happy moment from the day. This morning two three-year-olds and I were walking downtown to the library. We saw some water flowing by the curb. I gave them some small leaves to float down the water. We spent a fair amount of time watching the leaves. Then we followed them down stream and saw many of them getting stuck. We followed the flow of the water until part of it went to a busy street with no sidewalk and the other part ran out.
I want to send you lots of hugs and self love :( Be gentle with yourself <3
Thanks @elrona! That’s very kind of you.
Riese: I don’t know what my memoir would be called but the funniest chapter would be the one I would write about my life right now. I have had some pretty funny stuff happen to me in the last 4 or so months.
Laneia: “I should just get up and go to the gym” was my first thought this morning and I did, got up at 4 am went to the gym it was great I love the outside world at 4 in the morning everything just feels so fresh and new.
Heather: I would say Gail Peck, we both have the same out look in life except for kids I really don’t like children.
Yonne: I enjoy a good spiced rum and gingerale, though I am into mixing lemonade, ice tea, and spiced rum with ice, its refreshing in the hot weather we are currently experiencing.
Alex: Emily Carr, she was an amazing painter and really should have been apart of the group of seven.
Rachel: I wouldn’t have believed that I would be leaving on the West Coast way from my friends and family running my own department.
Yes, Gail Peck was who I was trying to think of for that one too!
EMILY CARR YES!!! She was fucking brilliant. I’m not even that into art, and she left me breathless on the fourth floor of the art museum in Vancouver and if she can do that with a paintbrush and her mind, what else can she do?
Well this is delightful. I will answer those questions this weekend probably maybe.
You should pm me your address and I’ll have a pizza delivered as part of my yearly AS donation. (Let me know what toppings too).
HAI EDITORS!
Hi! I have a question for Yvonne and Alex: Do you know anyone who actually puts peas in guacamole? Sacrilege! This week I got promoted and read a really good graphic novel called Strange Fruit: Uncelebrated Narratives from Black History. Now on to the interview:
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
–Hermione Granger! I’m a voracious reader, smart, strong, and I have really big hair.
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
–I wouldn’t have believed how much I could fuck up, and then I wouldn’t have believed that everyone fucks up, all throughout life. And we all keep going anyway.
When I think about it, I’m often amazed at how people keep on going even with all of the things that are so messed up.
this is such a good answer! i’m obsessed with this answer j-bird, i’m going to needlepoint it onto a pillow
I always identified strongly with Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables, especially as a kid. She’s so damn stubborn. Kind of a know-it-all. Also legitimately smart. But not about everything.
We’re both emotional and sentimental – about both people and places. And one thing I had forgotten that I realized when I read the books last year is that she’s also pretty compassionate. I’d like to think I am too.
Oh, there’s also the daydreaming!
OH I LOVE this answer. I’m totally an Anne Shirley too! You sound awesome. Out of interest, what’s the best book you’ve read lately?
When I picked Anne of Green Gables I was sure I would be the only one… and yet so many chose her I feel it’s a sign right??
Oh my gosh, I suck at titles for things, so my memoir would probably be something called “Stuff and Things” or “This Is What My Friends Told Me To Write”. Probably the best chapter to write would be the one where I talk about when I used to date guys before I figured out I was gay.
I’m pretty sure my first thought every day is “Okay, time to get up. I can do this”. I like to think I carry the “I can do this” part with me more often than not, but I don’t really know for sure. Now I’ll work on being more aware of that!
I see a lot of myself in a lot of characters, and I realize this sounds super self-aggrandizing, but I really identify with Korra. She’s got a strong sense of right and wrong, she does her best to protect people she cares about, but she’s also really impulsive. That’s kind of what I’m like, only without the sweet bending powers (so far).
Y’all, I would have ghost sex with Julie D’Aubigny, the totally badass opera singer/swordswoman from the 16th century. She’s the one who posed as a nun and then burned down a convent to spring her girlfriend!
Five years ago I wouldn’t believe I’d be in a completely different living/relationship situation, or that I’d work for a university.
I need to read more about Julie D’Aubigny; thanks for telling us about her.
“What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)”
Well, so far, I’ve been calling it “The Story of Rachel” because I’m boring as shit.
So far, I don’t see any of it being particularly fun.
“The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?”
My first thought was “Well I guess it’s not too egregiously hot in here.” I imagine it’ll not be too relevant the rest of the day.
“What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?”
Pam Poovey.
“What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?”
Guinness.
“What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?”
Green Russians.
“If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?”
Being ace, I’m gonna have to skip this one.
“What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?”
That I’m better off without my ex.
Riese: What would you title your memoir? What chapter would be the funnest to write?
I would be terrible at memoiring but maybe I could make a scrapbook zine type deal. The title always comes last so I don’t know yet. I’d enjoy showing my travels as a dual citizen slash itchy-feet haver who keeps running away (not a positive thing but…).
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
It will affect my day by giving me little private smiles every now and then but it hasn’t changed my course.
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
I mostly consume media with characters nothing like myself so I can’t think of one now. Aw I do love the main character in Mark Haddon’s A Spot of Bother, I could be a toned down version of him. He discovers a lesion on his leg and is convinced he’s going to die, and his anxiety is written so well, like at one point he starts thinking about the lesion and suddenly everything slides sideways. I can’t find the quote but it’s so good. And he is a kind and caring man who is mystified by other people.
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?
I like a Dark and Stormy, which is dark rum and ginger beer, although I think I also put coke in it once and it was good? I don’t think any beverage represents me. I represent myself damnit!
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Ooh I was stuck for a while but I do think Heath Ledger was an undeniably attractive man, bless him. I don’t believe in ghosts though :/
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
I’m starting my PhD in Holland in 3 weeks and 5 years ago I was in my final year of my BA and the only thing I thought I knew about my career plan was that I didn’t want to go into research. Even six months ago I wouldn’t have believed that I’d be excited to do a PhD or move to Holland, never mind both.
Making a point to post a comment as opposed to simply saying things out loud to my dogs is fun!
The title of my memoir would be The Enigma that is Samantha J. Green, and the funnest chapter to write would be Introvert Problems.
The first thought I had this morning was am I becoming an owl? because I woke up at nearly noon. LOL I haven’t thought too much about it because it’s the typical summer life of a teacher (yawn…nap time).
There are far too many fictional characters that have something about them that reminds me of myself. I have two dogs: Khaleesi Doccubus True-Zona Pretty Morgan Green and Cosima Olivia Benson Modern Story Grayson Green. So…there are A LOT of characters I love!
I don’t have a favorite alcoholic beverage. I don’t like the taste, so I don’t drink. I would say that the alcoholic beverage that represents me is a virgin…anything.
Hmm…sex with a dead famous person? I’m gonna say that my V Card makes me exempt from answering this. :)
There isn’t anything about me now that I wouldn’t have believed five years ago. Perhaps, it’s my mindset of anything is possible!
your dog names! i can’t handle your dog names, i was not ready
I know, right! Everyone’s reaction to their names is PRICELESS! I have Khaleesi and Cosima tattooed on my right ankle. When I call their full names, they know they’ve done something wrong.
>What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
That I’d be working on a dissertation based around mathematical modeling. Math and I were still not friends at that point (though slowly getting there). I figured I’d go into biosignature detection or something else equally vague and nebulous sounding.
(Heck, between that and telling me I’d be an out trans lesbian, I would’ve be *way* more surprised by the former than the latter)
>The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
My first thought was waking up and seeing my fiancee lying beside me, and how happy that made me- I’ve been on travel, visiting family for the past week and a half, and I missed her a lot.
There’s been a bit of worry attached to that, though- we’ve tentatively set our wedding date (Halloween 2016!), and have started talking about kids, all of which is really cool. But, being someone who has a background in an environmental science, I get a lot of exposure to the stark reality that Things May Very Well Get Bad, And Sooner Than We Would Like. That makes it a little scary to think about the future- what world will our children grow up in? How are we, as a people, going to adapt to, or better yet, try to solve the crises we are facing? I fully believe we can get ourselves out of this mess, but it can frustrating how slow progress has been (on the other hand, gay marriage went from political kryptonite to universal in less than 15 years, so there is still reason to hope).
It does make you value what you have now, though, so all in all, as sobering as it is, it’s been a net positive for today.
>What would you title your memoir?
Ideally? Girl on Mars. Because I would’ve gone to Mars. And it would’ve been awesome. Based on my life up to the present, not sure- I’ve only really become myself in the last year or so, so it would mostly feel like I’d be writing about someone else’s life (actually, *that* would be a good title- Someone Else’s Life). Admittedly, that someone else did do a lot of cool things (probably the most fun would be writing about the summer I interned with NASA), but that someone wasn’t quite me. Not yet.
that’s such a good point about having kids and the future of the environment/world — i try not to think about it too hard because it stresses me out, but i’m glad that you think we are not necessarily totally doomed! also i’m so jealous of your halloween wedding ugh it’s going to be amazing!
Well, as Alex Steffen likes to say, optimism is a political act- by assuming we’re all screwed and giving in to cynicism and pessimism (and assuming we’re powerless to do anything about it), we’re letting the status quo remain unchallenged. I also believe that, no matter how much the odds are stacked against us, we have a moral imperative to fight for a livable and equitable future- to do otherwise is to potentially consign billions of people to misery.
On a lighter note, OMG I’m so excited about the wedding! We’re planning on doing a masquerade ball. It’s going to be the gayest thing EVER!
First thought this morning was ‘whoop, kids at their dads’ I had no further thoughts until 3pm when I thought I should probably get up.
Once a month I get a proper unlimited lie in and it is GLORIOUS.
Also. Gin. In a teacup. Or maybe a proper pint of actual real ale in an actual pub.
I’m actually feeling really anxious today, but I did a slaughter of some aphids that were eating my nasturtiums and dead headed some flowers to feed to the rabbits, and the cats haven’t brought us any dead animals today, so I’m feeling more in tune with nature than I was. Which is nice.
The title of my memoir is easy, I’ve known that since the sixth grade. My memoir will be called “Absurd, and Other Big Words”. Story behind that is basically, in sixth grade, some friends made fun of me for saying something was “absurd”, instead of saying “stupid” or “dumb” or “silly”. They thought it was a five dollar word, and being smart and having a big vocabulary is obviously super uncool to twelve-year olds. But my memoir will be all about owning my uncoolness and smarts.
The chapter that will be the most fun to write is one I’ve actually already started, which is titled “I should have known I was gay when….” and is essentially just a list of all the SUPER DUPER GAY things I did when I was younger that should have been giant flashing lights that I was a total queermo. Things like refusing to wear a dress when I was my aunt’s maid of honour, or getting distracted from my math homework because I was busy staring down my tutor’s shirt.
First thought I had this morning was the same as most every morning, which was “Pandora [my cat] shut uuuuuup and let me sleep!”
Fictional character that reminds me of myself? I don’t know that any character gets it perfect, but there are definitely a lot of things I can relate to in Rory Gilmore and Spencer Hastings. Combine the two of them, and you get most of me, I think.
Generally, I’m a beer drinker. But I’m not really all that adventurous about my beer. So something Canadian, and pretty standard. Let’s say Alexander Keiths, which is usually my go-to anyway.
Re: ghost sex, Izzie and Denny ruined that idea for me a long time ago. Not into it.
“Re: ghost sex, Izzie and Denny ruined that idea for me a long time ago. Not into it.”
This. No ghost sex or brain tumor for me, tyvm!
“But my memoir will be all about owning my uncoolness and smarts.” I CAN’T WAIT TO READ IT
Ola,
-> Me and my data now
I love those questions, but my mind isn’t doing the thinking thing at the moment so I will refrain from answering them.
I’m two weeks away from my dissertation deadline and slowly freaking out. I have heaps of interesting data which is great but this also means lots and lots of analyzing. So far I have reached the conclusion that thing vary, a lot. Sadly, the words; biology, it is complicated, do not constitute a dissertation.
Even my picture skills don’t seem to work any more. It is time to just give up :)
Good luck Nora! I wrote my entire dissertation in five days after many, many breakdowns. I cannot believe I did. But I CAN believe in you! :)
Feeling the deadline strain but mine is practical not written…then I have the dreaded reflective essay…ah art. Best of luck, many cups of tea and stacks of biscuits got me through mine.
Riese: Crying Into Tacos
Laneia: Omg, I think I have a mild hangover, I should shower. And then I did and I was fine.
Heather: Hermonie Granger and also Lane Kim from Gilmore Girls but mostly how she relates to her mother and nothing else
Yvonne: I’m answering my own questions, ok. I love IPA beers. My favorite is Community Mosaic IPA. And the one that represents me, hmmm. This one is a hard one. Maybe I am an IPA beer?
Alex: Frida Kahlo
Rachel: Haha working for Autostraddle.com
“Crying Into Tacos” <- I would read that.
I’M REALLY GLAD YOU WORK FOR AUTOSTRADDLE DOT COM YVONNE
I keep trying to think about what I’d title my memoir, but I feel like I’m not going to know the answer to that until I’m 60 and writing it and I have enough perspective to conjure up an overarching metaphor for my life which can be summed up in a pithy 3-4 word title (hopefully). I’m so jealous that Kate Bornstein came up with A Queer and Pleasant Danger. That’s absolute genius. I’d probably call my memoir Wow because I say wow a lot and I think a lot of things have happened to me that would just make a person go Wow. I feel like the most fun chapter to read and the most fun chapter to write would be very different things (funnest isn’t a word SORRY FOR BEING THAT GUY). I think my chapters on A Camp are going to be reaaaalllly fun to write.
The first thought I had this morning was “yessssss” because I realized that 1) my cat let me sleep in, 2) she was cuddled up right next to me and 3) that I have the day off! Who knows what I will do today. I haven’t decided yet, but it will probably involve reading a book outside.
The fictional character that reminds me most of myself is Wall-E.
I’m really into alcoholic beverages that are either spicy, floral, or have a refreshing cucumber/mint/ginger thing going on. Also, gin. The alcoholic beverage that represents me the most is probably kombucha because I’m like a sweet tea that grows sassier with age.
I would totally get it on with ghost Vita Sackville West.
5 years ago I never would’ve guessed that my “chart” would look anything like it does. That thing looks like a fucking spider web. I remember years and years ago watching The L Word in my bed and thinking to myself, “Hm, that’s strange, I don’t have any lesbian drama in MY life. It must be just a stereotype.” It was because I didn’t know any lesbians. Then I met some lesbians. Now I have some of the greatest friends you will ever meet. And everyone has hooked up with everyone.
“A sweet tea that grows sassier with age”
A+!
Wall-E makes me cry every time and now I will be thinking of you while I cry so thanks for that Monique!
This is my first time ever trying to use a gif on Autostraddle so I hope it works. Getting so experimental with my commenting for comment week!
I really want to find a new job. Or just move to a new city. Instead I’m being scared of change and (sorta) procrastinating by finally signing up for A+ and reading all the old posts.
HELLO SHANNON I’m so glad you signed up! Change is very scary and I get that but I hope that reading A+ stuff helps you feel better about it in the meantime!
Also a thing that happened was that my 8yo had homework where she had to say what wishes she would make. Her first one was ‘I would make it so people would be kind to lesbians and gay men’ which was lovely enough, but I wish I taken taken a photo of the picture she drew of a man and woman holding hands and saying hi to two men who were holding hands and wearing matching t shirts that said ‘boys rule’.
hello can we see a picture of this please. would your 8yo like to be an illustrator for autostraddle dot com
PARENT OF THE YEAR & COMMENT AWARD
I don’t know the name of my memoir, but the funnest chapter to write would definitely be when I lived in Mozambique…the weirdest would be the last few months of grad school writing my thesis, working at a coffee/bagel shop and surviving on coffee, bagels, and IPAs, and living in an apodment.
My first thought was how many hours do I have left until I leave…and then oh shit, I need to pack.
Micheladas/Bloody Mary’s are my favorite, though its quite possible the world sees me as an IPA (my second love).
And finally, a cute animal video:
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just kidding: https://www.facebook.com/david.sobra/videos/10153408325272248/
wait pause what is an apodment?
Heather Hogan + Junior Mints! Really I can’t think of a more fun combination.
What was your first thought this morning?
Why is my tablet making that noise???? Turns out it was just a Facebook comment so I probably won’t be carrying that thought with me for the rest of the day.
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Have any of you read The Nao of Brown? Mey probably has. Anyway, it’s amazing and the main character, Nao Brown, reminds me of myself and I should probably be a little worried about that but whatevs.
And as for ghost sex. Lauren Bacall because, I mean, c’mon.
You guys, I finally got around to watching Hayley Kiyoko’s video for “Girls Like Girls” and it is a masterpiece. Like, if it was a full length movie, It would probably be one of my favorite movies of all time. I have a weakness for stories about teenage queer girls. And I think it’s because I never got the chance to be one. Some of you may know by now that I’m trans. And I’m 29 and I didn’t really come to grips with the fact that I’m trans until a few years ago. But I think I always sort of knew.
So whenever I was close friends with a girl in high school, had a crush on a girl (which was often) and especially when I first fell in love for real when I was 17, it just never felt completely right to me. And I think it’s because I usually wasn’t ever able to receive that closeness that I would see female friends have with each other. I wanted to hold hands or to cuddle while watching movies together. And I got the impression that most girls thought of me as less than a guy, but still not really a girl. And that’s a tough space to be in when you’re 17 and desperately want to be loved and you don’t even know words like genderqueer exist and you don’t even know trans women can be lesbians.
So, anyway, all of this is my roundabout way of saying, I absolutely lose it for stories about young queer girls. I know I’m romanticizing it. I know it was absolute hell for most of you, but it’s all I wanted when I was a teenager. So, when I watched that video I CRIED MY FUCKING EYES OUT. I was basically like this.
And by the end of the video I was more like this (but still crying obviously)
So, that’s where my life is at at the moment, y’all. How’s yours going?
It says photo not found.
I know! I’m so disappointed! Autostraddle editors, if you’re reading this, could you maybe add an “edit comment” feature or at least something that lets us preview them before posting? Pretty please!
Nooooo! My poor html skills ruined my long, drawn out post! Anyway, they were two Quinn Fabray gifs. Use your imagination, I guess?
Did your baby do a dance to a Tegan and Sara song for the first time?
Does Everything is Awesome count as a true T&S song?
I don’t have a baby yet, I am asking for my nieces!
Hi editors I’ve known and editors I haven’t – you all look so glowy.
Recently I realized I haven’t listened to Tegan & Sara in over at least six months, which I probably could have feelings about if I tried, but I would like to wait until I need to.
I’m reading Autostraddle again – like, as of today – and “I Love Dick,” which is just as good as a certain feminist community (ok, obviously: tumblr) told me it was. These two things are interacting with the boringly stable life I’m apathetically living, AS urging me to GET INTERESTED while Chris Kraus is like, ‘are you game?’
(Lastly – tonight I am going to be wearing a maroon dress, which raises all the personal questions I’ve been having lately about a signature nail polish color.)
What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
I think “Growing into Love” would be a good title for a memoir if it was about my life. Parts of it would be very sad, but I think that talking about my gay high school experiences would probably be the most hilarious (naked sleep overs, trying to remove the word ‘lesbian’ written in sharpie from my arm before going home, helping a friend style her pubic hair). Other things that might be quite funny are things about my current life experiences and relationship.
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
Five years ago I would not have trusted anyone who told me that I would be happy or feel loved. I was incredibly depressed for a very long time, and had a very hard time feeling like I was worthy of love and I definitely could not talk about my feelings without sobbing. I feel now, like I have recovered a great deal from past abuse and interpersonal terrorism. I still sometimes cry a little when someone gives me too serious a look and I still need to ask to make sure that my gf is not mad at me when she is in a bad mood (on the rare occasion that she hasn’t already told me that it’s not about me). But most of the time I am fine and happy and assured.
I have a partner who loves me deeply, a home that we share and take care of together, the cutest dog on the planet, and a stable job. I couldn’t be luckier. Last night my gf braided the top part of my short hair to help me put a new texture in it, then we rolled around on the floor and played a puzzle game and made Stitch noises for an hour. We laughed all night long, until we fell asleep together.
My life is so different than five years ago, and I am so different. The fog of depression and the nag of anxiety are still slowly creeping away from me and have been now for the last 4 years. They still visit me now, but I know they are unwelcome visitors and I can kick them out much faster than I used to be able to.
Your story made me think of this song, which I also strongly relate to:
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaQG8a2rMVY&w=560&h=315%5D
I’m glad to hear you’re in a better place in your life now.
so I’ve gotten really into sneakers lately? It’s entirely this website’s fault – I saw the sugarbooty blackout mix, visited Claire’s twitter, followed a link to Nice Kicks, and looked up 6 hours later with two new pairs of shoes and a tumblr dedicated to all the ones I want that I can’t afford.
Anyway, now I’m seriously contemplating buying one or more kicks from Nike’s gay pride Be True line. (The Adidas pride pack is much prettier, but appears to be sold out in my size.)
However: I also feel dislike the corporate takeover of pride month/parades, and wouldn’t giving money towards that effort endorse it? (But on the other hand, awesome rainbows on my feet… so conflicted!)
Anyway, here are photos of two of the awesome ones that I can’t find to buy anyway (one of the Adidas’, plus a really sick Nike from the first edition of this pack, back in 2012).
1) I Got Better! If I talk about my life long enough everyone feels terrible, but I keep promising the bad parts are over now.
2) I only almost-love like, half my clothes. My roomate has a sewing machine, I should do some textile based science! I have all the clothes pinned, where they’ll likely sit for at least a week before I feel motivated enough to knock them out.
3)I dunno, fictional characters are usually not able to be as much of a disaster as I am while having their shit together as much as I do? I don’t wanna say they’re two dimensional since they absolutely are not that, but they have a theme usually, that I do not.
4) Ciders, just all of them. One time I was in Flagstaff in march and it was cold af, so every shop started looking really cute, but we went to this brewing co. The awesome kind that does coffee and beer. So one of the drinks on the menu was a Whai, Chai with your choice of whiskey in it. I had it with Fireball, and if I could ever be described as that spiced, warming-from-the-inside drink I’d be very pleased with myself.
5) Elizabeth Peratrovich, who has a holiday in Alaska for being a smart ass in court, and straight up embarrassing the legislators into passing an anti-discrimination act so landlords would stop turning down her perfectly good money. She seems like a stern hand, is what I’m saying.
6) That I’d get up the nerve to take that motorcycle class. And buy that motorcycle. And kinda sorta ask that girl out. And go to camp. And ride a newer, better motorcycle to camp. And learn to dance. And learn to drink. And learn to change the oil. And finally get a handle on cutting my own hair. I’m only 25, so this was a very productive period for me.
What kind of motorcyles do you ride?
I started on a Honda 250 Rebel, rode it to death, now I have a CB500F which is an “adventure bike” basically, it’s sportier, but you don’t have to lean super forward on it, so they’re bringing back the standard
My first thought this morning was, “Why did the dogs let us sleep until 8:30am?” Lately they’ve been making us get up around 5:30am and then they nap all day like a bunch of jerks.
Things I wouldn’t have believed about my life now five years ago: I’m married (to a lady) and have a haircut that I love.
I am beer. ‘Nuff said.
The last time my pets let me sleep in it was because they decided to serenade the sunlight at the absolute crack of dawn the next day, it’s like they know they’re messing with me!
omg thank you for Comment Week, this is making my life, and I love this round of Friday Open Thread because… I love pretending that I am Cool Enough For An Interview!!!! <3 you editorial team, y'all make our lives better.
What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?) “Aww, Team, What the Fuck?: All of the Feelings Forever and Ever,” by Lena and her ghostwriter John Oliver. I think the fun-nest chapter to write would be the one where I just talk about sea otters for thirty pages because I LOVE SEA OTTERS, but not sure what the funniest would be. My ghostwriter Mr. Oliver would help me out there.
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing? My first thought at 7:30 am was, “Oh no, I’m sick,” and sad to say I am still sick at 3:00 pm. So I’m taking it with me for later in the hopes that I will somehow become un-sick in a speedy fashion.
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Is saying Hermione Granger just too cliche? Not so much in the “super genius” way, but more in the way of taking on everyone’s problems as her own (doing Harry’s homework for him, starting S.P.E.W., etc.), being sneaky when it suits her own purposes (giving Marietta Edgecombe pimples for life for snitching on Dumbledore’s Army), having intense feelings, and thinking 80 steps ahead/constantly planning for every outcome.
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!) WOODCHUCK SUMMER CIDER. SUMMER FOREVER. SO GOOD. WOULD DRINK AGAIN. But I’ve been told my “representative” drink is a triple shot of mango-jalapeno tequila, because I am “firey but also sweet but also will fuck you up,” in the words of my good friend Shefali.
If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be? Mary Reade/James Kidd, because I am ALL ABOUT female pirates who defy gender norms and also sometimes like to dress up as dudes to further their goals in life.
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? That I’d be okay with living in NYC and, furthermore, that I would actually be having a good time of it all!
I need to read more about Mary Reade/James Kidd.
READ EVERYTHING YOU CAN ABOUT MARY READE/JAMES KIDD. NOW. IT’LL BE THE BEST THING YOU DO ALL DAY.
Sea otters are adorable! What would be included in 30 pages of sea otter content?
Also, Mary Reade is such an excellent dead famous person choice.
I think it would be several things! a) A history of Sea Otter Conservation, with information helpfully provided by the Monterey Bay Aquarium and the Vancouver Aquarium; b) A treatise on why sea otters are really important and why people should give them just as much love as river otters; c) lots of full-color, glossy photos of sea otters doing adorable things and being the best animals ever; and d) ways folks who live in areas that ecologically impact sea otters can make sure they’re doing all they can to help keep the sea otter population growing strong!
(…can you tell I’m a huge sea otter nerd?!)
and thanks!!! Mary Reade is pretty much my end-all be-all of historical pirate role models (weird niche category) and the fact that she was in Assassin’s Creed 4 made me FREAK OUT and watch like a full-length playthrough of the game on YouTube.
HOW DID YOU BOLD THOSE!?
You put the tag “strong” (with around it) in front of the words you want to bold, and “/strong” (with around it) at the end of those words! is italics. :)
DANGIT, I meant to say “(with “lesser than sign, greater than sign” around it)” and “”em” is italics”–sorry for any confusion!!!!
What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
I absolutely suck at coming up with titles, but I do think one of the funniest chapters to write would be if I touched on my childhood. I was a very odd kid but not in a way that kept me from having friends. I mean, I didn’t really have friends but I didn’t really notice? I read a lot and played with my Barbie dolls and I was happy.
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
I don’t think I had a cohesive thought, really. I was reflecting on the dream I had, where I was in the world of Mad Max and was Furiosa, one of the wives, and a lady prison guard at different points in the dream. Also, we were horrible at any kind of escape and kept trying to go to Mexico.
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Regina Mills. And also Spencer Hastings.
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
Whiskey and coke is my favorite. I think the drink that would represent me, though, would be peach schnapps (or peach vodka) and sprite mixed together.
If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
I think Virginia Woolf.
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
That I would actually have things lined up for myself. That I would be finishing up grad school with a job waiting for me when I graduate, that I would be completing my five-year plan early. Also, that I’m having more good days than bad with my depression.
Lunch break answer!
Fictional character…Jeff from “A Solitary Blue” (Cynthia Voigt) mixed with Stargirl from, well, “Stargirl” (Jerry Spinelli) and Momiji from “Fruits Basket” (Natsuki Takaya).
I don’t care if these seem contradictory in any way :-P
I remember Jeff from “A Solitary Blue!” I have several Cynthia Voigt books on my bookshelf.
This is awesome! Time to be my wordy self.
Riese: I would probably title it “Things I’ve Learned From My Boobs.” Funniest chapter to write would be the introduction, in which I explain the context of the title, I think. It would tie deeply into the weird, hilarious, and unexpected things that happened to be in the early years of my transition.
Laneia: “Why did I sleep in so late? I went to bed early to avoid missing out on the morning.” I had to adjust my expectations of the morning that I had in my head. It ended up being perfectly fine, though truncated. I was able to teach my Mom how to properly brew coffee, which I often don’t have the chance, as I’m usually the first person up in the morning. So I’m letting this not get me down and turning it into something good!
Heather: Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. All those eye rolls. The awkwardness. Bizarre history and unpredictable future. Maybe just Tina Fey in general? Because I really loved and empathized with her book, Bossypants.
Yvonne: My friend Sam made me a stiff Long Island iced tea, which I probably liked a little too much. But the beverage that will always represent me best is coffee. Properly made coffee, with freshly-roasted beans. Yes, I’m that kind of person.
Alex: Audrey Hepburn, for sure. She’s so classy! Were she queer, I feel like she would be a real pillow princess, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing. I’m mostly imagining the foreplay and post-coital cuddling and conversation more than the actual sex. Being dazzled by all that classiness!
Rachel: Being a trans person, my answer to this is kinda expected: that I could be free to be myself. That being queer and a tomboy, while not often talked in trans circles and communities, is a legit narrative. That trans women come in as many shapes and sizes as cisgender ladies. Five-years-ago Quinn wouldn’t have believed it was just as easy as letting go of preconceived notions and being myself.
I would absolutely read your autobiography. And Audrey, yes! <3
Finally, a reader! Kidding. I’m actually writing about the six years I was in architecture school. During those years, I saw many countries around the world, met many friends, lost my gallbladder, got fucked in the intestines by IBS, came out as trans and began HRT, started my own portrait photographer business, improved as a photographer and switched to using film, and navigated being trans and queer in a conservative, Christian environment.
The memoir I’m actually writing will have a much more appropriate title, but the humorous version would certainly still be titled “Things I Learned From My Boobs.” I can’t express just how valuable of a skill it is to be talking to my boss, when suddenly there comes a massive jolt of pain in my chest. My lips curl a bit, but I keep a straight face, while inside, I’m doing a J.D.-esque scream. Thanks, boobs!
break a leg!
that was meant for a specific person who was in a play, I don’t want the editors to break their legs @ Big Bear
Riese: Oops: My Clumsy Journey Through Life and Love. Every single chapter would be a ball to write, maybe? Wait I’m lying. Probably the chapter about my failed relationships in college. THOSE were hilarious, whew.
Laneia: *slaps phone to stop alarm* oh! “It’s Friday! It’s the 10th! HAPPY INDEPENDENCE BAHAMAS!!!!! I’m totally gonna wear my flag jacket today. Oh, it’s hot, isn’t it? Doesn’t matter, I’m gonna wear it.” *rolls back over for 9 more minutes of sleep*
– It is affecting the rest of my day because I am absolutely wearing this jacket in this 90 degree weather and I love it.
Heather: Squidward. And/or Goofy. Helga Pataki.
Yvonne: This is a question that could be essay-length if I let it. So I’ll just say Beck’s Sapphire, or Belvedere Intense or Hennessey Pure White. Or a classic Rum n Coke. Or strawberry long island. Or…
-I would like to say that like something frozen and fruity but strong represents me. Cuz at first I may seem kinda cold, but that’s just social anxiety, give me some time. And then once you stick it out past that, I’m rather sweet? But I’ll knock you on your ass if you aren’t careful. Oh! And I’m my best in a tropical climate.
Alex: I have no earthly idea. I’ll come back to this one.
Rachel:That I’m working in the school system making no money but mostly loving what I do? And who I do it for? I rebelled against this very thing for my WHOLE LIFE because it was basically expected and yet here I am…
Wait, a strawberry long island? I’ve never heard of that before but it sounds delicious.
Oh but it is! Not every bar makes them well, but the ones that do? Whew…
Helga Pataki <3 she was just cool for who she was.
Well the first thing I thought today was can I call in sick today, because I feel a bit sleeply(I am writing this from work right now). Then I realized the dream I had last night did not translate to realize and that I still have a flat chest. This last one is a frequent thing for me. As for 5 years ago I wouldn’t have believed my feelings are totally valid & that how I feel isn’t wrong or a fetish.
I dunno that depends on how ghost sex works. Like if the persons able to feel my touch and I feel their, then sure. But, as for who think I’d like to be in an orgy with Audrey Hepburn, Andy Warhol(he seems like he’d be interesting in such a scenario), Anita Ekberg(she did a few Fellini films), & Eartha Kitt, while Jimi Hendrix just plays. Please don’t judge me too hard.
How is everyone doing? I saw the local news last night it said Big Bear is at 46 degree at that point in time(Palms Springs otoh was at 83). That’s almost freezing, and it’s summer time in SoCal no less, so was it really that cold?
Last week I finally understood the straight girl who is curious dilemma. I get finding yourself can be hard, specially in your early 20’s.But, I don’t think trying to sleep with every woman/queer person who talks to you is the right answer? It came off as a bit too eager. I too was into her a bit, until the next day I realized that’s probably someone who will use me as an experiment. At my age that’s not what I’m looking for, specially as person who is still a baby trans queer(a smile came over me
as I wrote that).
So story time:
This was on Wednesday
But then to my surprise on Thursday I notice this.
And this outside of The Last Bookstore, half a block west of the fallen tree.
Not sure what a penny has to do with this? Maybe cause Lincoln chopped tree to make a log cabin? Either way I thought it was a nice earthy memorial in the heart of the city.
Have a positive weekend!~! Thank you for viewing & reading my post as always.
A bit of an update about 15 minutes ago I shouted at the person who as on the regular stealing from my store He replied with what I think is an empty thread of saying “I will shoot you.” I replied “you can do shit, besides being a dirty pedophiles and some ones prison hitch.” It felt real good to shout at him. Also, I did say not in a shout, this angry queer will take you & stop you.
[This comment has been removed by the Autostraddle Mods as it is in violation of the Comment Policy.]
hey no need for unwarranted ad hominem attacks. Admins anyway to report this?
holy damn I would love to answer all of your interview questions but right now I am freaking the fuck out because the girl who exploded my entire world (not in a good way) in high school is somehow back in my life after many years and I have been reduced to a blubbering mess of teenage angst and confusion. what in the FUCK is going on. also she still smells the same. help.
i hope the tacos were delicious and i appreciate you guys so hard, especially on days of complete upsidedown-ness such as this one.
Mik! This sounds like so much. We’ll light a candle for you. Do you wanna tell us about it.
Rachel! It’s a mess and I’m a mess. Pretty much every decision I have made has been driven by everything that went down with her and I have made so much progress over the last few years and one email from her and all that progress disappears and now I’m making terrible decisions guided by unhealthy emotions and this is a run-on sentence and i don’t give a fuck, i just want some fried chicken and a margarita asap. and HOW does she still smell exactly the same, super unfair!
holy pickles, I feel like a teenager, this is some serious bad news bears.
I think depending on the day/time/situation I’m some combination of Leslie Knope, Maniac Magee and Ron Weasley.
I would either call my memoir Clean Plate Club or The Dog in the Grocery Store. Right now the funniest chapter would be about wedding planning and it would be called “It’s Fine: How to Let Go of Your Dreams and Make Decisions Based in Reality” (Our wedding is next Saturday and It’s Fine.)
I would totally do it with ghost Joan of Arc.
Leslie Knope, Ronald Weasley and Maniac Magee is such an amazingly specific combination, you sound awesome!
Man oh man, I may have put too much thought into this because I made notes as I worked to what my answers are and a little anxiety like this was an interview!
Tne title of my memoir would be “lefthanded, redheaded, liberal atheist queer girl”… this was the only thing I could think of and it’s from a conversation I had with a friend where I said I had to be one in a million… also describes exactly why I don’t really fit in here in my small town life. The funnest chapter would maybe be a chapter full of random conversations with patients/customers in all my years of working with the public, I have seen and heard some crazy, funny, stupid stuff over the years!
I am not sure what my first thought was this morning but my son had a sleepover last night and I barely slept so I decided this am it would be a Starbucks morning before work which is the only reason I am still upright!
I am sure there is some kickass adult fictional character for me but I can’t think of one… however my favourite person in a book growing up was Anne Shirley of Anne of Green Gables, she was my kindred spirit and still is!
My favorite alcoholic beverage atm has to be this dreamcicle drink I came up with and now can’t remember hkw exactly we made it since we were pretty tipsy! But it had teo kinds of rum and whipped cream vodka and something orange that I can’t remember!! I am stuck on a beverage that represents me… like maybe boxed wine? Because wine can be classy but then boxed wine can bought at Walmart and nobody is all that impressed by it? But also can be much more to it than what you expect? I think this is the hardest question!
My ghost person to have sex with is probably out there and I don’t even know why but my first thought was Bea Arthur and shouldn’t we go with out gut instinct? I mean she was fierce
I owna house now, and am quitting my job in a week to help care for my grandma who has alzheimers, all of which I wouldn’t have imagined 5 yrs ago! Plus I have an awesome short asymmetrical haurcut and could technically get married if I wasn’t forever single right now, so the future truly was bright and I didn’t know!
I totally had your experiencing writing my answers too. PLEASE write your memoir, the title is so great, and I love the concept!!
Good luck with the transition from your job to taking care of your grandma. You’re a great person and I hope that you’re able to get plenty of support and enjoy the adventure.
I may write it one day, or write something even some short stories just so I can use the title! And ty, Iam super nervous about paying my bills and not having insurance and just how I will cope with it all, but I know it’s what I need to do.
Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
The Life of a Perennial Fool
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
My first thought was “Don’t forget to go get your prescriptions today, dingus.” and I’m about to do just that. It will certainly matter after today if I forget since my pharmacy won’t be open again until Monday and I don’t have enough meds for Sunday.
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
I’ll answer this and another question after I get back from getting my meds (and have time to think about them).
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
Favorite alcoholic beverage is green Chartreuse.
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
I couldn’t have believed that I would be doing this well (or even passing) the classes for my college major (I was in a different one back then).
Okay, I’ve had some time to think about the answers I never got around to.
Who would I have ghost sex with?
Hypatia of Alexandria, I guess. I’d at least like to meet her.
What fictional character reminds me most of myself?
Susan Ivanova from Babylon 5
I think the first thought I had this morning was ‘I want to go back to sleep,’ but since that’s pretty much the first thought I have every morning, I don’t think it will affect things very much.
The fictional character that reminds me most of myself is Ella from the children’s book Ella Enchanted, which was my favorite book as a kid for several years. I’ve never stopped overidentifying with her. Second place goes to Neville Longbottom.
Favorite alcoholic beverage: sangria! I very rarely drink, though, and I never get drunk. So I should probably also name a non-alcoholic beverage. I’m going to go with iced tea, which I drink pretty much constantly.
One thing about your life today I wouldn’t have believed five years ago is that I absolutely love living in Boston, consider it a ‘real city’ now, and never ever want to move back to NYC.
That’s all I can think of at the moment, but I might be back to add more things not on your list of questions later!
On reading other people’s comments, I’ve had further thoughts about my own answers. So:
-My first thought on waking up was actually closer to: “damn it, my girlfriend’s awake, guess I’d better wake up even though I would like to sleep forever.” She appreciated it, at least!
-I would have ghost sex with Audrey Hepburn.
-Other things five-years-ago me would not have believed about my life today: Two years ago I found out I’m autistic. By four years ago I was wondering about it, but I think it would’ve been kind of a shock five years ago. Also, that I’m in an amazing, strong, serious relationship! I was so convinced five years ago that I would be alone forever, and so depressed about it… and half a year later, I met the love of my life!
I would also just be glad to know future-me wasn’t living with my parents anymore. I got out, I made it. I’m still struggling but I’m in such a better place than I used to be and I’m unbelievably grateful for that.
What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
Right now I think it would be called Pastel Shoujo Rainbow. Maybe the funnest chapter to write would be the one about my relationship with a close friend, probably titled I Love and Adore You (one of his favorite phrases). When we first met he lied to me about his name, and he declared we were dire enemies because he’s a west coast native and I’m from the east coast (his logic was questionable). To this day he’s still listed in my phone as “My Arch Nemesis.” We have good times together. :)
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
It was either “I hate everything,” or “I should just go back to sleep, screw work.” I’m trying to be more positive, but it’s been a gross week. I think I’ll nap later, though.
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Sailor Moon / Usagi Tsukino
Pastel Shoujo Rainbow is an absolutely adorable title, I would read.
Wow I am so happy you all decided to interview me. I feel very special.
Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
Brittany: I would title my memoir The Slippery Slope: A recounting of the choices that got me here. The funnest chapter to write would be the Acamp chapter of course.
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
Brittany: My first thought this morning was that it was too early to get up, and that I should drink more water today, as I was very thirsty. I have been drinking more water, so I guess it’s changed the course of my day.
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Brittany: Hmmm. I find myself identifying with most protagonists, because good writers are good, but I think I have to go with Richard from Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. I wouldn’t be able to help myself from helping Door even if it meant falling through the cracks myself. I would also hope that I’d be able to be as brave as he was.
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
Brittany: My favorite is single malt bourbon neat. I think I am something reliable and easy to order like a whiskey sour or vodka cranberry. Something you could enjoy in many environments.
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Brittany: Tonks.
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
Brittany: So many things. I suppose I wouldn’t have believed that I would be an aunt at this point. Though, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Oh! And I wouldn’t believe that I play in a hockey league. I just started skating 2 years ago and I learned hockey through a women’s hockey clinic and I love it more than any other sport I have ever played. I get more zenned out playing hockey than I ever have been able to achieve practicing yoga.
Thanks for asking :)
Okay, I love these questions.
Riese: My college friends and I used to joke about what our memoirs would be called, and mine ended up being “Lost, Late, and Last to Know”. I have the worst sense of direction and therefore am late to everything, and I’m always the last to know when something is going on due to staggering levels of obliviousness. The funniest chapter to write would probably be a list of all the bizarre and unfounded anxieties I had growing up.
Laneia: I’ve been having a lot of vivid apocalypse dreams lately (are there any dream interpreters here?), so this morning my first thought was, “Ah, the Earth is still here.”
Heather: I really relate to Abbi from Broad City.
Yvonne: Thanks to the A-Camp whisky sour class, I am a full on whiskey sour convert. Before that it was probably just like white zinfandel.
Alex: Honestly, I’d probably have ghost sex with Jane Austen.
Rachel: My 5 years ago self would be really shocked about my queerness and the fact that I actually went to a queer camp in California with a bunch of strangers and loved it.
Never 4get that whiskey sour workshop, it’s in my top 5 times being drunk
honestly the drink workshops at camp were just. a lot to deal with.
I answered Ilana to the fictional characters question. Can we be friends?!
I think my memoir would be called A Tragi/Comedy of Minor Errors. The most fun chapter to write would probably be the nonsense I got up to in my early 20s.
Slightly related, I’ve always really identified with Jo from Little Women. I was sort of a bookish tomboy growing up and have a knack for getting myself into scrapes (see memoir title above).
First thought today was about how much I didn’t want to get out of bed because when you can’t fall asleep until after 6 in the morning, getting up is really hard. It is the worrrrrrst. I am SO TIRED and have a million things to do before I move at the end of the month (yay!), but I’m leaving for two weeks tomorrow and just don’t have nearly enough cleaning/packing done as I wanted to accomplish and I don’t really have things done for the camp I’m working at either. BUT at least someone else will feed me for the next two weeks.
ALSO, I am moving to San Antonio 4 days after I get back! Are there any people in SA who might want to meet-up? Or former San Antonians who can tell me more about the city? I’m very excited but also nervous about moving to an actual city and trying to figure out how to make friends an An Adult.
Riese: Learning to love yourself & not giving a sh*t.
Laneia: Good, I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm went off!
Heather: I don’t really know about that one… I don’t read a lot of fiction. The closest I can think of is Alison Bechdel in her own memoirs lol.. I identify a lot with her.
Yvonne: I really like tea. My favourite is decaf organic green. I don’t know what that says about me.
Alex: Frida Kahlo
Rachel: That I was able to get through murky stuff.
Okay, here I go:
What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
“Stuff.” The funniest chapter, of course, would be “Funny Stuff.”
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
My first thought was “It’s 5:30 already?!” but it didn’t really affect anything after I was fully awake.
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Luna Lovegood, sometimes.
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
I’ve always liked Bailey’s Irish Cream, so I’ll say that for both answers.
If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
I’m too caught up thinking about how “ghost sex” works to give a good answer to this right now. =)
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
Things turned out mostly okay after all, in spite of everything that happened.
Did your dog eat anything weird off the floor this week?
I don’t have a dog; my apartment management doesn’t allow them.
Did you find your favorite outfit all over again because you did laundry for the first time in a while?
Well, I do my laundry once a week…though that could be a “while,” I guess, to some folks.
Did your baby do a dance to a Tegan and Sara song for the first time?
Baby as in child or baby as in romantic love interest? Either way, no.
What’s the best color to paint one’s toenails?
That depends lots on the situation! But I am partial to cherry red.
…of course now that I’ve had breakfast and coffee, I’m thinking of more creative memoir ideas:
1- mastering the art of parallel parking
2- how to successfully stick your hand in liquid nitrogen… And other times I narrowly avoided death and dismemberment
3- adventures in web MD: confessions of a hypochondriac
I would read all of these!
This is my first ever time commenting on a Friday Open Thread – I usually feel like I’m too late for the party. I LOVE answering questions! This is so fun!
Title of my autobiography – What’s On Your Mind? (I have no idea but whenever Facebook asks me this, it intrigues me…) The most fun chapter to write would be about my troubled year living in a house with a landlord the bullied me, an alcoholic housemate who sexually harassed me, and various other troubles. Somehow I survived the most difficult year ever and now I’m left with amusing anecdotes.
First thought of the morning – should I have breakfast at home or at work? I ended up having two hash browns at work. :P
Fictional characters I relate to (have done TV only to narrow it down) – Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation), Hanna Marin (Pretty Little Liars), Ilana Glazer (Broad City), Alison Hendrix (Orphan Black) and Anya Jenkins (Buffy). The most I think about it, the more this combination of me sums me up.
Favourite alcoholic drink – fruity cocktails! I think they represent me well: frivolous, fun, bubbly and gets people talking. :P
Ghost sex – Judy Garland perhaps?
What I wouldn’t have believed 5 years ago – that I can have a full-time job and be happy and make others happy
THIS WAS REALLY FUN. I hope someone reads it :P Now to go and reflect on others’ thoughts!
Much love to the Autostraddle team! <3 <3 <3
I don’t know all of your fictional characters but I’m totally sold on the Leslie-Alison-Anya combo, that sounds like someone I’d be friends with :)
Awww thanks! W SHOULD be friends!
Effie Trinket is my spirit animal.
Maybe this is cliche, but five years ago was a big turning point in life. 5 years +1 week ago, I wouldn’t have believed I’d ever date a lady. 5 years -1 week ago I wouldn’t have believed that someday I’d be dating exclusively ladies, and that that would be an okay thing.
Other things happening in my life: I’m moving and I’m so excited! Just like a half mile, but to a much better building/living situation. Yay!
You guys are great.
Laneia: “I would like to stay in bed” and I should have.
for the first time in two years I got in an actual fight with my colleague (we love each other dearly) and it was really bad. Like passive agressively bad. Like I have been crying all day.
I just came back from a conference I was working at. Everything hurts. I am tired. My feet bled through my tights this week. It was amazing but today, I should have stayed in bed.
Oh my God, that is awful. That is actually just bloody awful. *consentual hugs if you want them*
thanks, it’s much appreciated!
Riese: What would you title your memoir?
A) Late to the Party: Growing Up and Showing Up in Your 30s (that title needs work, but so do I).
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
A) Oh crap, I drunk-dialed my ex last night.
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
A) I don’t have her discipline, but I definitely have all of Paige’s self-doubt.
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you?
A) Whiskey on the rocks. It’s not me, but it’s the badass I aspire to be (or date).
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
A) Louisa May Alcott, whom I hear was a TOTAL Jo March.
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
A) That I’m out!
congrats on being out! i bet the drunk dial to your ex was totally normal and fine!
Thank you so much! It’s been a fun year :)
A fictional character that reminds me of myself is Kay from Sarah Waters’ The Night Watch, the entire time I was reading it I was thinking YIKES this is me as fuck 100%. I briefly dated a girl who was reading that book but wasn’t enjoying it and I was like umm we have to break up now.
Also my first instinct about fucking a ghost was Virginia Woolf but the more I think about it I feel like it’d be really weird sex, not just for ghost reasons.
Kay is the actual greatest. I love that book! Favourite part?
Hmmm I’m bad at choosing favourites but all of the scenes during the bombings were great. Plus butch bro time on the boat. What’s your favourite part?
I have to say all of the scenes where Kay is working during the bombings. It’s so intense and it’s stayed with me. Recommend me another book that you’ve enjoyed lately?
I don’t remember my first thought this morning, but it was in French. That’s a good sign since I’m currently participating in a French immersion program that is basically like French summer camp for adults, sponsored by the federal government (thanks Canada!).
I don’t think I could pick one, or even a few, fictional characters. I tend to see a bit of myself in almost every character I encounter. I will say, though, that while I sometimes aspire to be a Lorelai Gilmore type, I am definitely much more of a (seasons 1-4ish) Rory.
I drink alcohol quite infrequently but my current favourite is cider. My uncle bought me a case of Somersby for my birthday, with 4 different flavours, and I was pretty stoked about that!
Thanks, but no thanks re: ghost sex.
I think five-years-ago kaybo would be excited to know that I actually have a pretty good idea of what my career path is going to look like. She would also be surprised that I am seriously contemplating moving away from my forever-home, Toronto, especially because up until recently I loved the city fiercely. But, I’m loving the idea of starting over somewhere that isn’t chock-full of memories.
I once took a “which star trek Character would you be” quiz and ended up with Spok. I feel like that was pretty accurate.
I could never choose just one drink. However, if forced I would probably choose a whiskey ginger lime w/ lots of real fresh ginger.
Five years ago I was engaged to be married and living in Denver, my hometown. I never for a second thought I would be single-ish in Portland with loads of queer friends that I met through Autostraddle.
I love Friday Open Thread anyways but answering questions so I can be even more obsessed with myself than I already am is mY SHIT THIS IS MY SHIT THANK
What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
Heaven Sent Me a Shit. And also the chapter about me trying to hide my sexuality at an all-girls’ Catholic school
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
That silly alarm going off on a Saturday, that’s so silly. It affected the rest of my day in that I forgot my money and bus card at home and realized it just as the bus pulled up
What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
I wanna be like Helena from Orphan Black and also Regina Mills from Once Upon a Time but I haven’t killed anyone? So them like minus murder
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
I’m not really picky like just shove alcohol down my throat. And coffee represents me not cause I’m bitter or anything but cause I think that at least 80% of my blood stream is made of it
If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Natalie Wood
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
That I’m stable (or like super close to it) like hoLY SHIT
yOU ALL ARE THE BEST SORRY THIS IS KIND OF LIKE NOT COHERENTB UT IM JUST REALLY EXCITED YOU ALL EXIST I HOPE YOURE HAPPY OR CLOSE TO IT OR ARE GONNA BE HAPPY REAL SOON
Riese: memoir would be currently saved as ‘untitled’ in draft form as I hope there are so many more chapters left that the overall theme is yet to emerge. And I’ve been self critical about my life (well, professional life) achievements recently so I’m feeling like it would currently finish on a depressing note. :(
Funniest chapter to write would probably be recounting my later high school years, ironically getting more into religion because the cute female Christian studies teacher suggested having a coffee to talk about Jesus, accidently setting a cottage on fire at Christian women’s retreat, and finding the only other gay in my village and going to a regional tri-monthly gay party in the nearest small city with fake ID together. (Spoiler alert: it was tragic )
Laneia: “I should really not snooze the alarm as long as yesterday”
And I didn’t, which resulted in a semi productive morning of working out, ringing a day spa on the other side of the world to buy my mother a birthday voucher. And texting my dad to pick it up. But I was still in a rush to make it to work in the end… mostly thanks to comment week on AS!
Heather: Mr Darcy of course.
Yvonne: Favourite is hard to pick, Merlot in winter, recently gotten into Rosé for summer. Bailey’s with dessert. Cocktail wise nothing beats a Mojito, and I also like a fresh virgin Mojito when I’m not in the mood for alcohol.
I’m probably most like a Merlot though. Not everyone likes me, I’m too strong for some people’s taste.. but those that do choose me recognise the complex and hidden notes.
Alex: Marlene Dietrich. The original sexy femme tux.
Rachel: That my career would be in such a dismal state and I would have so little firm direction in life. And on a happier note, that I’d have done some of the off-the-beaten-track travel that I have… Turkmenistan… Iran… Mongolia and more…
Riese: I’d title my memoir “Finding Center” because as a stage manager for dance that’s just about the first thing I do when I walk in the door of the theater. Corny, but catchy, maybe? The best chapter would be the one I couldn’t write: stories about all of the backstage divas in opera and dance. At least not without changing all the names or burning all the bridges.
Laneia: The first thought I had this morning was “Really, another work stress dream? WTF, I never have those,” quickly followed by “You need to get out of bed right now and go walk the dog you are dog sitting.” I promptly forgot about the first thing until now and went to walk the dog.
Heather: This is on the tip of my brain but I can’t think of it. If I come up with it I’ll let you know.
Yvonne: My favorite beverage is beer, especially sour, funky and/or dark and not super hoppy. But a close second and the alcoholic beverage that actually represents me is this seasonal gin that a distillery here in Chicago makes. I don’t exactly know how to describe it except to say that it’s really smooth and flavorful and more mellow than typical gin, to the point where I can drink it over ice with maybe a little soda and nothing else added. People expect it to be off-putting when it’s actually quite approachable. Like me.
Alex: Amelia Earhart. First thing that popped into my head, I’m sticking with it. Bonus: I would want to cuddle with Jane Austen. I just think she’d be really good at spooning.
Rachel: Five years ago I never would have believed that I would be taking circus classes 6+ hours a week and be able to do things like pull-ups and holding up another person while hanging from a trapeze. I had no idea that I could be this strong, or have so much fun getting stronger. It has completely changed the way I see myself.
This got long but one thing from this week: I come from a family of baseball fans and my sister-in-law posted a photo of she and her sister and their babies at a game here in town (presumably with my brother and the sister’s husband there as well). My initial gut reaction was feeling sad and left out because I saw them recently and they didn’t even mention that the sister’s family was coming to visit (we all went to high school together) or that they were going to the game. It’s a small thing and I won’t dwell on it and it could very well be that my often flaky but well-meaning brother forgot to say anything to me. But a small negative part of me worries that it’s because their family is Catholic and more conservative than we are (especially the husband, I think?) and that they didn’t want me to come.
Saying that out loud here already makes me feel better about it.
Thanks for the thread prompts, this is a fun game :)
For ghost sex: Amelia Earhart. OBVIOUSLY.
Agreed :)
Why didn’t I think of her. I have so many good ideas now but when I answered I froze and couldn’t think of anyone, I don’t work well under pressure!
Woo, here goes.
Memoir title? Stop Saying Sorry. Both as a mantra and theme of my life dealing with loss at a young age and having adults always saying they were so sorry it happened to me. That shit got old.
First thought? “Why am I so tired, shoot I slept in, and oh no my girlfriend missed her bus to work” in that order. It really only affected my day by deciding to go into the office instead of WFH cause my GF and I never get any work done if we both WFH.
Fictional character? Abbi Abrams from Broad City. Trying to make her life work out, trying to stay confident, but still not totally sure of herself. That’s me in a nutshell.
Favorite alcoholic beverage? I’m trying to stop drinking almost completely, but I love margaritas. And cider.
Ghost sex? Umm, I have no idea.
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago? Probably that I was queer. I guess I would have believed it, but like now, I would have had hard time really coming to terms with it. Wait, no, actually that I wouldn’t have a new car by now. I was really hell bent on getting a new car at 25 but that ship sailed two years ago.
I’m not really sure what fictional character reminds me of myself the most. Sometimes I’ll be watching OITNB and Piper Chapman screws up yet again and I’m like, okay, I probably would have done that as well, and I can see a lot of similarities, but I think I’m very different from Piper in that I learn from my mistakes quickly, and I actively try to understand how my actions affect other people and how my whiteness and economic situation put me at an advantage whereas Piper is kind of oblivious? Tris Prior from the Divergent Trilogy really reminded me of myself a few years ago. I’m not sure if I can still say that right now or not, but she is a good example of a character who tends to contradict herself but still learns from her mistakes.
In terms of Harry Potter characters (in my book Harry Potter is an entire universe in itself) I’d be some combination of Hermione and Luna, maybe?
Oh, also Kanaya Maryam from Homestuck. I could probably be described as Lindsey Weir with slightly better decision making skills
Of the (very) small pool of alcoholic drinks I’ve tried, coconut rum is my favorite by a long shot. I actually like it mixed with vanilla biscotti tea. I feel like that pretty much represents me because it’s sweet and kinda femme but has a bit of a kick to it, and its flavors are cohesive but at the same time it’s like what even is this? the part of me that likes to obsessively classify things is confused.
I would so be up for ghost sex with Audrey Hepburn.
It’s questions like “what’s one thing about your life that you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?” that remind me that I am still super young. Five years ago I was ten years old, and this seems super crazy to me because if everything goes somewhat as planned, at the end of the upcoming academic year I’ll have most of the credits I need to graduate high school and I’ll be scheduling classes at a university for my junior year of high school. In the past five years I’ve gone through middle school and a year of high school, competed in the scripps national spelling bee, improved my 5k time by 4 minutes in one cross country season, and sort of maybe figured out what I’m going to do with my life. Also, I’ve had a lot of ‘oh shit, I might be gay/pan/bi’ moments.
That just reminded me of the strangest story (from either 5th or 6th grade, so I’d’ve been somewhere around 11 years old at the time). As most people have at some point, I had this ‘friend’ who I really didn’t like that much, I actually kind of despised her because she was really rude to me, but I was forced to be friends with because our parents were friends. She had a habit of making up wild stories to seem interesting or funny or to get someone to agree with her on a subject. So one day, on which I believe she was kind of passive-agressively mad at me for whatever reason, she comes up to me and says “You won’t believe what I saw [name of school bully] doing the other day! She must have something against you too, now, because I saw her standing outside her house holding a bunch of copies of a fake newspaper and the front page had a picture of you and [name of one of my female friends] and it said you were a… (at this point she began whispering) girl-girl couple. As hilarious as this is to me now, at the time I was completely mortified. I mean, it took me about 3 seconds to realize that this was a blatant lie, because I lived less than a mile away from the person my ‘friend’ was talking about, but I was terrified by the idea that this girl would tell the same story to other people at my school and whether they believed the newspaper existed or not they’d see me in that light. When I was really young, like 3-5, I think I kind of knew that I liked girls (and at the time, guys as well) but when I didn’t see same sex couples in the media and to my knowledge none of my female friends had crushes on girls, I literally forgot about it, and to keep myself occupied and feel normal I invented crushes on boys, so I didn’t even know I was queer at 11, but that was probably the first time in my life I’d heard anyone talk about two girls being romantically involved and it was with such a negative tone that I knew this must be the ‘bad kind of weird’ (as a ‘high-achieving’ kid I was under a lot of [perhaps partially self-imposed] pressure to be the ‘good’ kind of different, weird because I was a genius, or else I’d be a ‘freak’)and I guess I was afraid no one would like me, and that I wouldn’t be able to define myself and my relationships with others on my own terms?
I think the fact that the first time I was made aware of a thing that is such a big part of my identity was in the context of a lie about a lie which I understood to be intended to manipulate and embarrass me while boosting the self-esteem of this ‘friend’ confirms that childhood is terrifying, no matter what certain adults will tell you, but in a weird way I’m actually glad it happened because that single event helps me understand myself and the people around me a great deal, and it’s immensely funny to imagine this girl whispering ‘gal pals’ instead of ‘girl-girl couple’, which is actually kind of funny in its own right.
Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
Umm, maybe “Meh.” Because I’m super excited about life and sometimes I have to pretend I’m less excited about things because it gets awkward. The most fun chapter to write would be about travel adventures because I’ve had some weird ones…
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
“Oh dang, I don’t think my alarm is working.” I mean, I woke up, but I set multiple alarms and only a few of them went off. It didn’t affect my day too much. Just let that one go.
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
I have no idea.
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
My favorite is beer with lime, but I think Moscow Mule is the most representative. You like it, but it’s kind of a weird mix of things and you can’t quite remember all the ingredients but you just keep ordering and drinking it anyway.
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Probably Bea Arthur, is that weird? I don’t care.
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
That I’d be in nursing school. Nope, never would’ve guessed that.
Other cool life things: I finish my semester in 3 weeks, which means I’ll be 3/4 done with nursing school. And when I’m finished with nursing school, I can get a job and apply to midwifery school. So really, I’m closing in on halfway to being a midwife! Woo!
Hey! I like you! You’re neat! You had me at Bea Arthur, and then I scrolled up and realized that you are super spiffy. Keep doin’ that shit!
My memoir is a collection of short stories – lately I’ve been calling it “Don’t Try This at Home”… So far, the funnest to write – a random evening in college that began with the consumption of several questionable chemicals, and ended at a Denny’s at 4am, coming out to a group of strangers, while 2 of my friends were passed out in their Grand Slams. Good times!
Riese: What would you title your memoir? (Optional follow-up question: What chapter would be the funnest to write?)
Memoir Title: It’s raining, isn’t it?
Funnest chapter: The Chicken Slaughter
Laneia: The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
First thought: I actually journal my waking thought every morning so I can let go of it and choose my thoughts for the day. Waking thought: I slept on my tummy and my back doesn’t hurt. Intentional thoughts: I will be grateful for today, I will be on time for work, I will pack a lunch. Those things all happened. :)
Heather: What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Warf, from Star Trek Next Generation.
Yvonne: What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? What alcoholic beverage actually represents you? (Or non-alcoholic beverage!)
Well, this is awkward. I got my nine-month chip this week, guys!
My favourite drink is a ginger tea made from ginger that’s undergone the same process as instant coffee – so it’s actually real tongue and throat burning ginger. Much like the liquor that is no longer on my dance card. Don’t worry, I can still dance.
Alex: If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
Emily Dickinson.
Rachel: What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
I’m an out lesbian on my city’s Pride comittee. Also, I don’t shave my legs anymore. Also, I have no intention of getting in a relationship. Also, I vote NDP. Also, I don’t wear heels anymore. Also, I’m in nursing. Also, I love working with adults with special needs. Also, my mom isn’t my best friend anymore. Also, I have no desire to drink. Crazy. BIGGER THAN THAT! I own a bikini!!!
It is a great bikini, any clothes with fringe are great.
And congratulation on the 9 months, I raise a mug of cinnamon tea to that.
Thanks! I thought I’d have major dysphoria with it, but it’s actually awesome, and the fringe makes it!
I love that you choose your thoughts for the day and congratulations on 9 months!
Thanks! I have OCD. I have to choose what I want to let go all the time. :D
congrats that great to hear about the 9 month chip.
Thanks chiquita banana! :D
congratulations on 9 months! that’s amazing, you’re amazing!
Thanks lady!
Congrats on the 9 months, and the bikini looks great!
If you should ever be in need of a new bikini, I’ll personally make sure to get you a leopard print one.
Or wait, tiger stripes!
Keep on rockin’, L!
9 months! You rock!
I was just really excited to see that box of Junior Mints on the table with Heather. #Glee!
Riese, I’ve already over-thought the whole title-of-my-memoir thing and so I’m giving up for now. But I will say that the most fun chapter to write would be the one about when I finally started having sex with women. Duh.
Laneia: I woke up with “Shoop” stuck in my head. So it’s been a pretty OK day.
Heather: Honestly? I haven’t met her yet.
Yvonne: Toss up between a Pimm’s cup and a gin daisy (gin, club soda, grenadine, lime juice).
Alex: Gross. By which I mean to say, Nellie Bly. While traveling around the world.
Rachel: That I’d be a legit editor of a legit print publication that’s actually growing? So weird.
What would you title your memoir?
–“I Plead the Fifth” or “I thought it would be a good idea at the time.”
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day?
–I currently have a concussion (I’m okay though, it’s minor!) so I’m pretty sure my first thought and (all subsequent thoughts since) was along the lines of “sddfajdfhabf.”
If you could have ghost sex with any dead famous person, who would it be?
–Jesus, duh.
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
–I’m out of the closet. I get to spend almost every day with the love of my life. I have a FIVE YEAR PLAN and a 10 year plan! I know, I know, life happens when you’re busy making other plans, but even having a loose outline for what I want the future to look like is pretty unbelievable.
Also that I don’t miss blow at all, I was pretty done with it by 5 years ago but I definitely believed it would be missed.
Thanks for creating so much community engagement this week, cute queers!
I think I would probably title my memoir ‘Ghost Girl’ since most of the time I don’t really feel like I exist.
My first thought this morning was that I was late for work. Luckily it’s Saturday, so I was wrong. That’ll probably be a nice thought for the rest of the day!
i love being interviewed! this is so fun!! also, this week i found a bunch of pictures from my 21st birthday party and like…yikes. yikes yikes yikes. here’s one that i’ll share with y’all because i know that this is a no judgement zone. Right??
ok, now for these amazing questions:
Memoirs would probably called “If I Make it to 25 It’ll Be a Miracle” (a la Wendy Wasserstein’s Uncommon Women) and the most fun chapter would probably be the one about falling in love for the first time because let’s be real falling in love is so cute and fun and the first time you do it you have no worries and everything’s all cute and wonderful.
My first thought this morning was probably I really need Alexei (my male cat) to shut up. I don’t think it was anything really, but now that I’m thinking about it, I do worry about him more than the gals because he is SOOOOO whiny and needy and I don’t speak cat so like, I don’t know if that’s just how he’s feeling like being right now or if something is Wrong that i need to take him to the vet for.
Rory Gilmore reminds me the most of myself bc she loves her mom and is kind of pretentious on accident and is also from connecticut!
My favorite alcoholic beverage is a whiskey sour. I think it fits my personality pretty well…it’s subtle yet effective. that’s how i am. at least i think.
ghost sex with bessie smith PLEASE
5 years ago I would never have believed that I still hadn’t graduated from college yet and it would have terrified and embarrassed me, but today i give many more fucks about not having mental breakdowns than graduating at a “traditional” time.
SO PROUD of you for prioritizing emotional/mental wellbeing over graduating “on time” this is such a hard thing to wrap your mind around sometimes but seriously you will graduate and do great things and staying in school gives you more time to do/experience great (and terrible) things and generally just LIVE. love you <3
This sounds fun!
Riese: No idea what the title of my memoir would be, but the best chapter would just be titled, “It is what it is”.
Laneia: So last night I had to take my friends cat that I am cat-sitting to an emergency animal hospital because he got a scratch on his eye so my first though this morning was, “I hope the cats cone didn’t smack anything over or get stuck anywhere”.
Rachel: In the last 5 years I moved across country on a whim, lost 150 pounds, had to deal with the death of a parent, finally came out (for real this time), fell into my first relationship, broke up with her, and changed my entire career path from academia to politics. So honestly the me of 5 years ago would just be completely blown away by the surprises.
oh my gosh i’m so proud of you for your past five years! that’s so much! you are a champion. i hope that cat’s cone is ok.
I want to say something that reflects how astounded, inspired, humbled and sympathetic I am by your truths. Please take these words instead.
I wouldn’t write a memoir. I’d prefer to write a requiem mass for string quartet and small choir to be played at my funeral. Based on the above there is no funny. The most chirpy bit would be the last movement in f. I was actually thinking about this on the drive in while listening to Taylor swift.
My first thought is the same every morning. WTF??? I wake to a muffled crash and wailing. Life with a toddler. Either that or the dog escaped upstairs and is chewing my hair but the thought always the same.
Favourite drink currently lychee cosmo followed by lychee Cosmo Made long with prosecco followed by almighty hangover. I resemble gin; mother’s ruin.
Ghost sex. I think that’s another name for kinky dreams.
Five years ago I wouldn’t have believed I’d be retraining as a music teacher
Holy crap its like you read my comment about wanting to see the a+ shit
1.Memoir: Learning Life.
Funnest chapter: Underwear. From going shopping for bras at 15 (Mom!!!No,I’m not trying that on over my T-shirt in the middle of the store!) to getting it mailed from the US with a customs declaration on top at 35..somewhere in my twenties my mom used to send me racy stuff in the hopes of me developing a sex life. Later my greataunt gifted me the bras her circle of friends didn’t wear anymore.All of them in their late seventies, so yeah.I did have a sex life at the time, although a bit of a brief one, for whatever reason…
2.First thought:Do I have to get up? Many hours later: I should have gotten up sooner.
3.Fictional Character: Myka Ophelia Bering.
4:Beverage:Muddy Water: Kahlua and Cream and milk. Answer to both questions.
5.Ghost Sex: Marie Curie or Helen Keller.What?
6.Life:
Oh,wow, that’s deep and I was actually going to write something deep, but on a rather shallow note:
Money. I couldn’t have imagined a life where I didn’t worry or add and substract in my head and felt slighty guilty whenver I had a latte someplace.
I honestly think that money ruins character and ought not be something to be aspired to.I have always striven to not give it any importance or weight in my life and thinking.
But I used to live so far below the poverty line for so long, I didn’t realize how much of a burden that actually was, until it wasn’t. It’s a relief, an absence of dread and guilt, and I didn’t even know that this was a possibility five years ago.
As for the rest of my week?
I have re-encountered the enemy number one of all academic aspirations: Fanfiction.
And I have written the intro to my thesis!
Have a good weekend everyone!
If I wasn’t attracted to you before knowing about your 70-year-old hand me down lingerie, I certainly am now. That is fierce.
OMG! Thank you, I’m laughing so hard right now!
Btw: I would like to substitute this picture for my answer to the waking up question. This is what getting up looks like for me. #notamorningperson
My memoir will be called Lesbians Don’t Wear Floral Patterns, which is something my mother said during her lengthy my-daughter-can’t-REALLY-be-gay phase. That sentence has stuck with me throughout my ongoing struggle to figure out my ideal gender presentation and there is just SO MUCH wrapped up in it. I think it relates to a bunch of different threads in my life and I find it frustrating and dark and hilarious all at the same time. I really want to actually write this memoir someday.
I would 100% read this.
i really hope that you do!
Amen!
What would you title your memoir be?
My dad always says “Oh, you know Linds” whenever someone mentions something crazy I am currently doing, so probably that – it seems to fit.
The first thought you had this morning — how will it affect the rest of your day? Are you taking it with you for later or changing your course today or was it nothing?
First thought was hoping my best friend made it back from his random hook up last night so we wouldn’t miss out on kayaking the Puget Sound today. Thankfully he made it back, and it was incredible
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Beer. Craft beer. ALL the craft beer.
What’s one thing about your life today you wouldn’t have believed five years ago?
That I was a lesbian! It all makes sense now, but I had to go through a lot to get to the point where I could really be honest about what made me happy and what I wanted – I did things for others, not myself. So happy where life has taken me!
I’m a huge lurker so the fact that I’m commenting makes me feel like today = an alternate universe. Like, a thrilling one. Maybe later I’ll go sky diving.
Riese: “Why Do Bees Have Knees?” and probably that year in elementary school where I would tell subsitute teachers my name was “Rex” and then do whatever I wanted because “Rex” always got written up, not Sam. This was my first realization that adults could be kinda dim (why didn’t they just refer to the class list?). I think I was 8.
Laneia: I think it was literally “oh god, please no” when the alarm went off. The day is looking up from there. <3 work.
Heather: Some odd mix of Daria and Luna Lovegood and Philippa Talbot, probably.
Yvonne: Beer. And whiskey and mixed drinks, but not so much vodka because this one time in high school there was a night that resulted in a multi-day hangover and I had to tell my parents I had the stomach flu after barfing all over my bed in the middle of the night and I'm not entirely over this experience yet. 15 years on. Maybe next year.
Alex: I am weirdly stumped by this question.
Rachel: My wife and I own a house in my hometown. Not only am I old enough to be married and a homeowner and have that not be weird, I'm also old enough to have moved from The Cool City Of My 20s back to The Homeland, and to be thrilled with this turn of events. I feel like my inner self has aged from about 16 to a whopping 18 with this development. Surely an inner sense of maturity and adulthood is on the horizon.
I hear you on the lurker thing, I think there needs to be a lurker group sky dive, maybe some group bungee jumping too, haha!
wait why do bees have knees? or do they at all?
I still don’t know! I DEMANDED that my mother answer this question while she was on the phone once when I was about six. Apparently I had a tendency to ask bizarre and ~very urgent~ questions while she was trying to talk with the bank etc. The answer was a snapped “SO THEY CAN JUMP HIGHER” and for some reason I took this as gospel for several years before I thought “…wait.”
I resist looking the real answer up because the image of bees jumping into flight is probably more fun than the reality.