FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Snow Days And Spring Dreams

Hi hello and welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread! Your weekly hangout and campfire and GIF-fest and bitchfest and excuse to obsessively reload something that isn’t the news. What’s up, what’s new, what’s going on with you? Here, have some your-specific-food-allergies-or-intolerances-free hot chocolate on the house:

this was really good okay

Hi, how are you? How’s it going over there? I’ve noticed a mood shift within people I see regularly; a little less conversation a little more everyday action, sure, but also a little less willingness to succumb to just feeling exhausted and bad all the time, and a little more fighting to be personally happy in order to be able to keep fighting. In other words, a little less my dog after I took her toy dinosaur away:

a puppy lying on a semi-made bed looking like she maybe has depression maybe

so sad today

And a little more my dog in a Valentine’s bandana and birthday hat:

tbh seconds later she tore the hat to shreds

I guess this is as good a place as any to talk about Valentine’s Day. Are you doing anything for it? Sending queer cards or sex toys to yourself or to anyone else? Going out? Dying alone? (Everyone dies alone.) Having a date with your dog, cat, lizard, ghost, or other non-human best friends? Having a date with a romantic partner or activity partner or five?

Plus, what else is new with you? Like KaeLyn said last week, we can talk about politics anywhere right now, and you’re welcome to do that here among friends, but what I really want to know is what your life is like right now. How’s work? How’s school? How are you coping with the weather, whatever it’s like where you are? What’s your hair like right now? What are you snacking on? Reading? Watching? Dreaming? Let’s hang out!

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Ryan Yates

Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Ryan has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. Hey there, hi there, ho there. We had quite the blizzard yesterday, and I still had to go to work. You’d think NYC is easier to navigate in the snow than in a place where you drive a car, but the sidewalks were not plowed/shoveled/salted. My twenty minute walk took about 45 minutes.

    Valentine’s Day is yet another day of me being eternally single. My dog and I will snuggle under the covers, which is a wonderful activity, but she’s not the best conversationalist. I know we’re all going to die alone, but I also seem to be living alone. Wah, loneliness, self-pity, whatevs.

    I’m going on a plane for the first time in 7 years next month. I have a lot of anxiety, especially in regards to traveling, so I’m moderately freaking out. I’m going to the Dominican Republic with my sister to lie on the beach, but I’m so anxious about getting anxious. Ugh, panic disorder sucks. :(

    In better news, I may have a new composer/collaborator I’m working with on a new musical. I can’t wait to start writing again – it’s really been too long.

    In other news, I took my dog to the vet this week, and she needs a professional teeth cleaning (my dog, not the vet), in which she is put under general anesthesia, and the whole procedure costs like $1,000. She may need to have some teeth taken out, too, depending on how bad it is. I’m really nervous about my little goober, because she’s the canine love of my life, and I don’t want her to suffer.

    • I have a coworker from Puerto Rico and she is always telling me about the nightlife in both Puerto Rico and in the Dominican Republic. Every time we talk, both are higher on my bucket list. You should consider taking a couple nicer outfits with you if y’all are planning on going out at night. I’m so sorry for your fluffy BFF love of your life goober, I hope she feels better after the teeeth cleaning (the dog, although I love the image of the dog giving the vet general anesthesia). As for VD, you could find a couple friends to celebrate with, or do something special to treat yourself and your goober. And you could always send some of the snow to Tx, we could use it. It would be a guaranteed snow day for us, camera crews line up to catch sight of the first snowflake of the storm and warnings are sent out as soon as it touches the ground. We’ve already had our first 90 degree day and it’s only February.

    • Snuggling under the covers with a pet could definitely be a lovely Valentines Day activity! I agree with Andrea that you could perhaps try and do something with friends instead if you are feeling lonely. Or take the time to treat yourself and do something special for the day that you normally wouldn’t. Make yourself a candle-light dinner and go for a night walk in the snow. I don’t know if that sounds appealing to you, but doing something special for yourself might make the day feel less lonely :)

    • According to my vet February is (pet?) dental health month, and the clinic is offering all sorts of deals, so maybe if you shop around you could find something if you can get it done soon?


    I’m working on V-Day until 8, but I feel fine about that, babes and I will watch a movie and do cards when I get home.

    I wrote a silly thing about romance:

    I’m feeling less run over by a truck, it’s true, and I’ve noticed a similar bounceback among folks, or at least a gathering of resources and sense of self and less skidded-out-roadburn feelings. (roadburn is the one where you skin gets scraped off when you wipe out on your bike, it’s no fun)

    Otherwise I’m fine- I fell out with a friend this week, which doesn’t feel good, but I’ve been reaching out to other folks and feeling more connected it feels extra sweet. That thing where having conflict doesn’t have to feel like your guts are churning, but can just feel like a slight unease that you can sit with and ignore is not a bad way to engage. I’m not really sure how things are going to proceed with this friend, but I feel pretty grounded in what I need from her and where I can compromise and all that bajazz.

    Otherwise, the weather has been a shitstorm in Seattle, and I started reading this book A Darkly Beating Heart which is sort of silly but enjoyable so far, and I’m storming through some good knitting projects, and just finished this series CrazyHead which is about boss babe zombie killers in London, super fun.

    Hope yall have a sweet weekend! xoxoxoxo.

    • “I’m feeling less run over by a truck, it’s true, and I’ve noticed a similar bounceback among folks, or at least a gathering of resources and sense of self and less skidded-out-roadburn feelings.”

      yes! it’s great!

    • I really like what you wrote about only needing room for a beginning. That is so true and I think people often feel like they need to be 100% ready for the long-haul or that they need to change this and that to find someone. This is great advice, thank you!

      Also, I’m from Seattle but moved to Berkeley CA a few months ago. Weirdly enough, the stormy weather followed me down here and it has been raining and storming on and off for the last month! Missing Seattle though.

      • what took you to berkeley? Seattle is the same, but snowed a couple times this year so people are driving like dinguses.

        & it’s true! you can be ready for love rn! glad it resonated. <3

        • Nothing in particular honestly, I just wanted to move out of my hometown and get away from the comfort of my family and friends! I knew one friend in Berkeley that had a room available so I just jumped on in! I heard theres been a weird amount of cold/snow! Hahah yeah we really don’t know how to manage the snow.

  3. So I’m doing a little positive push on my tumblr–essentially if you have a tumblr and you want a valentine… I’ll be making some this weekend! All digital (I am not very crafty, sorry!)…could be something a little cheeky/funny to a love letter depending on how I’m feeling at the time. The more I know a person the more personal it might be but I figure… this past month has been rough so if you want a little cheer, I’m going to try to spread some around.

    Funny/terrible things this week I also need to share:

    this morning…this morning I was half awake and thinking oh, might delight, its the weekend. I can sleep … …. … and then the alarm went off. Dashing my delusions of sleep-in-bliss.


    this was my expression yesterday as I found out my apartment got hit by a tree. Again. For the second time in less than six months. The Ents are judging me. I pissed off a tree spirit (was it that time I forgot my curtains were up and flashed the local oak?). Were they just trying to knock and did so a little too forcefully? (the first time the tree ended up in my ceiling a little after i had moved in, this time it simply wrecked the roof and bent the patio bar)

    I don’t know, but I assume this is a sign of some sort. At least believing so saves my nerves about other aspects of my life–can’t get your hopes up if you think the trees are smiting you and you’re luck is hilarious but a bit sour.

    • That’s awesome that you are doing electronic Valentines for people, I love that idea! Also, sorry about the trees. There definitely has to be some meaning there but i don’t know what it’s about…Maybe it’s one of those weird “good luck” things like a bird pooping on your head!

      • ha! I will hope! Last year it was tree through my roof, then my mom broke her foot before we were supposed to go on vacation… i rescheduled…she broke her other foot!

        But new year! Here’s hoping I start getting awesome news in my inbox instead.

    • Your Valentines idea is so cute, thanks for sharing!

      Also re your apartment, OH NO. Bright side: you probably did not piss off an Ent, because if you did, I think you’d know it. Maybe the trees just like you and want to be near you and keep mistaking the roof for the door.

      • Well they’re getting closer! The first time they broke through the roof and into my bedroom. The second time they just hit the roof by the front door. Maybe I’m living my own fantasy novel and soon I’ll have a tree nymph on my couch!

        Re: Valentines Its a pretty small thing, really, but with so much blah…I wanted a little thing to smile about.

        • I’m gonna go the boring practical route and ask about the age of the trees and their proximity to lots of buildings (including yours). If they were planted around the same time, and especially if they were the same species with a similar life span, it could be that it was just their time. Also, the more human stuff that surrounds their roots, the more likely they were to be on the less healthy side and more susceptible to disease or the right gust of wind, etc., and end up falling into your apartment.

          • Oh I know, thats most likely exactly whats happening. Still, got to find some whimsy in the world or else far too much fretting. Have to laugh, right?

    • Valentines are an awesome idea :) Such a kind thing for you to do! And maybe the fact that you’re doing it electronically (i.e. paperlessly) will appease the tree gods or earn you some good karma or something? Although tbh it sounds like the trees don’t have an issue with you specifically, just your apartment. Not sure how an apartment can be offensive to a tree, but *something’s* up…

  4. I had a snow day yesterday from work. It wasn’t much snow, about 3-5 inches. But enough to keep everyone home, so that was nice. I deep cleaned my room. It is very helpful self care for when I feel anxious about stuff. Which feels like all the time now, but it honestly is just more lately because I am turning 30 on Sunday.

    I feel kind of excited to turn 30. Most of the anxiety comes from my abandonment issues (I am adopted) with my birthday. Plus hitting a “milestone year”, and not feeling like I have accomplished any personal goals feels pretty sucky.

    Don’t want to bum you nice folks out here, so some good news is that my cat is an excellent judge of moods and a very good cuddle monster.

    • Shout out from another Sarah/Sara who semi recently turned 30 and is also adopted. I hope that you have a wonderful day, though I understand how its often mixed-feelings sometimes at best… and if not, I hope you delight in being out of your 20s anyway. I like to pretend its half a super power: I have survived three whole decades and therefore am indestructible.

      • Thank you!

        Being alive for 3 decades is how I described it to my best friend the other day. Good idea for it being a super power!

        Cats and birthday cake are the best!


    • Happy birthday, you! I’m a little bit past 30 myself, although not too much. I also was plagued with feelings of “man, why am I still such a bum, especially considering all of the amazing opportunities I’ve had and the resources I’ve consumed – waaaah, I’m a bad investment!”

      And then I realized that is a bunch of hot nonsense, because things that are important and worth doing kind of demand their own timescale. There’s no sense comparing ourselves to others who have “done more” by our age. Don’t take life for granted, by any means, but chances are, you’ve got more time than you think. So be patient!

    • I was anxious about turning 30 right up until I did and then I was like ‘FUCK IT MY 20s SUCKED ASS BRING ON A NEW DECADE’ and now I’ve found that I give no fucks at all now as opposed to giving all the fucks which I did in my 20s.
      All that to say, Yay for turning 30!!!!

  5. your doggggg <3 <3 <3
    I need a dog.

    What kind of dog is yours? My facebook friend posts pictures of her Shiba Inu rescue named Snowglobe that I love so much for a dog I have never met.

    I'm so broke I'm afraid to get a dog b/c what if they get sick and I can't afford to take them to the vet.
    I guess there is probably health insurance for dogs?

    I will probably get an older dog b/c I can't really afford to replace stuff that gets chewed on / peed on. Lol puppies.

    • Older rescue dogs tend to have a harder time finding new homes because they don’t have the same D’awwww factor as puppies. But if you’re looking for a mature dog that needs a companion in their later years, an old rescue dog can be perfect. I have a special place in my heart for old beagles, even though most of them are mischievous rascals.

    • That dog is seriously the cutest dog I’ve ever seen. And I’m speaking as someone who normally doesn’t like dogs.

    • She’s a doodle (poodle-retriever mix) and she’s the apple of my eyeball.

      There is health insurance for dogs, usually covering only new problems (so nothing preexisting) and etc, but having a dog is also wildly more expensive than I ever would have guessed – she’s big so she burns through food and treats and puzzle toys and chew toys and blankets and harnesses and leashes, a puppy still so she needs a lot of training/attention/exercise, bad at being by herself for an evening (shout out to everyone I’ve dragged to [specific nearby restaurant with dog-friendly patio] because she sometimes barks when left alone) so if we want to go out late or after work we often take her to dog daycare or pay someone to hang out with her, let alone going away for any time longer than a few hours, etc. etc. She is my best nonhuman friend but she’s also a pain in the butt and expensive, and this before she develops age-related health problems. I’m not saying “definitely don’t get a dog if you’re broke,” I’m saying “definitely save what and where you can until you can budget for how unexpectedly expensive day-to-day life with a dog can be.”

      • Thanks Carolyn; that makes a lot of sense. I was thinking of easing my way into it; like start by just visiting dogs at the shelter and takin’ ’em for walks maybe, and maybe from there I could try dog sitting or fostering to make sure I know what I’m getting into, expense-wise and dog-human interactions and my schedule and all that good stuff. Maybe I can just have a neighbor with a dog heheheh. Dogs! <3

    • That’s awesome that you’re thinking of adopting :)

      Just putting it out there that while senior dogs are amazing (we have an 18yo rescue Dachshund named Oscar – too tired to link a pic, but he’s on IG @oscarpennyandreid), they do tend to come with a lot of health problems. And while there is insurance, you may want to consider an adult (~4-5 years) instead.

      Also, have you thought about fostering? Yes, it can be hard to say goodbye, but it gets easier after your first. And rescues (especially smaller, local or state/provincial or breed-specific) will usually pay for medical care and sometimes even things like food. Might be a good way to ease into getting a dog.

    • I got Cara Delevigne and feel like I’ve been paired with the little sister I never got.
      Especially with the eyebrows.

      • I didn’t get her because I’m not unique like you. But I was inspired to look up ‘Cara Delvigne tux’ and now I can see why my on-off/muse wanted me to dress just like her when I said I wanted to wear a tux to a black tie event lol.
        I’m such a geek/old person. My idea of celesbian I don’t have to google is Ellen. Basically all the celebs I don’t have to google come from the 90s.

        • INTP, that’s me.
          Only know who Cara is because eyebrows. Being hot with eyebrows, not in spite of them is a thing with me. Power of the Brow, it’s not quite like Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
          Any other celesbian beyond Ellen I only know because of Autostraddle, other wise it is long dead celesbians who don’t exist in color photography.

          So I am not too far off from you in the not knowing of modern stuff. :P

    • Ya’ll, my roommate and I took this test last night, and we both got Kate Mckinnon and happily accepted, but started to think that maybe they were just giving everyone Kate Mckinnon. So we of course took it 10 more times to see all the possible answers. And we got lots of different people by choosing answers that we thought different queer “types” would chose. But we did not get Kristin Stewart and were disappointed. So we took it one more time, this time specifically as if we were Kristin Stewart, and we managed to get her on the first try! We were very proud of ourselves. I think the algorithm was mostly based on the answer to when did you last shower being: sometime last week.

  6. Despite it’s faux-lesbian kiss in the first episode, I think that “Riverdale” is turning out to be really good. It seems that the primary relationship on the show is Betty and Veronica’s, and the two of them BURNED THE MOTHERF***ING PATRIARCHY DOWN last episode. They also didn’t interact with Archie, and the show didn’t end because of that.

  7. Hey all,

    My previous attempts to post pictures have given me fits, so I’m going to try something new as I think I may have solved the problem. If all goes well, my amazing perfect cat child should appear below:


    February is turning out busy, but good busy. I’m feeling a lot more positive about, well, everything than I have in a long time. I’ve been interviewing local applicants for my old alma mater, and I really enjoy that. Meeting smart, ambitious high school seniors and talking about random stuff for an hour or so is a lot of fun, and it makes me more hopeful about the world in general. This will be the first year I try interviewing a candidate in China via technology – all my other interviews have been in person. I confess I’m not a huge volunteering/service type person, but I’m certainly not opposed to it, and when I do it in manageable chunks I really enjoy it. I hope that when my life settles down a bit, I’ll have more opportunities to mentor younguns. And also save all the kitties. That’s very important.

    My dream job opened up the other day, and I will definitely be applying, although I know the odds are long (haven’t finished the terminal degree required, although I’m very close, and I also don’t have the experience they say they want, though I have tons of other relevant experience). I know I can’t get my hopes up (or my spouse’s hopes, for that matter), but we keep imagining how great it would be if I got this job and we moved to that amazing place and everything was awesome.

    I hereby urge everybody to spend at least a small portion of your Friday imagining that you have accomplished a thing that matters to you and life is awesome. It’ll put a smile on your face, if only for a moment.

    • Good work on the picture! I’ve always been too scared to even try and post a pic, maybe I will try sometime…I’m sitting here imagining that I have a full time job that I love and that I’m volunteering and making a difference in some way :) it is putting a smile on my face, thank you!

    • It is a little boring but I filed my taxes by myself this year. I am weirdly proud of adult that feels. But it is a good accomplishment nonetheless.

    • DEFINITELY apply for that job regardless. (My personal test for whether or not I think I meet job requirements is, “if I were a straight cis white dude, would I think I could do this? Yes? Then I’m gonna do it” which is probably problematic on some level but also GET WHAT’S YOURS. No one expects a perfect match on the requirements, and I bet you shine in so many ways. And explaining why you not-quite-matching is actually even better for them is what cover letters are for.)

  8. Tonight I’m getting together with people to help them roll D&D characters, and then I’ll be DMing my own campaign for the first time, which is exciting and a little anxiety inducing.

    I’ve been playing a lot of The Division, which is a dumb shoot and loot action game but it has some queer chicks in what little story there actually is. It’s a great game for emptying my mind at the end of the day because basically it’s just a lot of shooting.

    For valentine’s day I am expecting whiskey.

    And here is my cat as the moon.

  9. It’s nap-time and one of my twos ate too many fishsticks so now he can’t sleep. He’s miserable. His mom won’t come pick him up.

    I deleted over 200 Instagram photos so I could maintain an ~aesthetic~ & it was v cathartic.

    I recently found out that the birth control that will probably make my hormonal acne better is the kind that will probably make my hormonal migraines worse, and vice versa, and I’m sad about it. I’m also very vain, and prepared to suffer constant migraines for this one thing.

    I caved and bought that bacteria that you spray on yourself so you can use less soap because my skin is so fucking dry all the time! ALL THE TIME. Will tell you how it works. I’m not giving up deodorant.

    I rode my bike to work every day this week!

    I got a Banjo Brothers commuter backpack that isn’t as stylish as the Just Porter one I wanted but was half the price, is (probably) more functional, and doesn’t make me feel like a hipster douche who never hikes but wants to *look* like they hike all the time! (I’m self concious about appearing self conscious) (IT’S NOT VERY PUNK ROCK TO CARE ABOUT THESE THINGS)

    Anyway. Yay Friday!

    • Also also I pre-ordered “shitty watchmen”, which is watchmen but redrawn panel by panel kinda crappily by a bunch of cartoonists, because I’ve been sad and I deserve to be happier.

      And I’m reading the familiar but I’m actually, like, looking up all the references I don’t get, and taking notes, and it’s taking FOREVER, and I need to watch three movies and read one book to get a better grasp on this already and I’m only 160 pages into it?? WISH ME LUCK I’ll have finished all four volumes maybe by 2020

    • Bacteria that makes you smell better? This sounds perfect for when my skin dries out / I feel like being a teenage dirtbag / showering brings on waves of body dysphoria. Or when it’s February and all three happen. *gritting teeth emoji*

      Do you have a link with more information on this?

    • Those look p cool. I like that it doesn’t rely on zippers? The weak point of the ol’ Swiss Army and Jansport stand-bys.

      Why must all backpacks cost at least $75; I don’t get it.

    • I just want to say congrats on riding your bike to work every day this week. That is no easy task, friend. You deserve a cake! Or whatever you like to eat.

  10. ALSO, I got carded when I saw Hidden Figures at Alamo Drafthouse.

    “Two for hidden figures please”

    “uh are you seeing it with an adult”

    “… Yes”

    “… Becau-”

    “wait a second, I AM an adult”

    “-se this theater is 17 and u-”


        • Oh that’s interesting. The Alamo where I’m at allows kids. I go with my friends and their kids all the time. The only difference is that we drink beer from regular cups and they drink beer from sippy cups.

    • I hate that stuff so much :( I’m 28 and because I don’t wear makeup/I’m not five foot I’m still given kids menus in cafes (for twelve and under…) I need a way to feel good about myself despite it because it’s a real confidence knocker when everyone does it.
      What I’m not going to do is tell you it’s a compliment. Compliment is ‘you look 21’ when you’re fifty. Telling someone they look like a child is neither calling them attractive nor respecting them.
      It might be due to ott restrictions though. Places are increasingly carding anyone who looks under thirty. And if you’re like me and don’t dress femme it might be due to their sexist assumptions that all twenty five year old women wear makeup and heels.

      • And if you’re trans/non binary they probably have no idea how to card for that. Basically they do ‘makeup?’ ‘facial hair/signs of shaving?’ ‘wrinkles?’ and don’t let anyone in who doesn’t have at least one of those. It’s stupid but thats what comes of not looking closely at people.

        • A lot of my coworkers thought I was fresh outta high-school until they saw me drinking wine at the staff Christmas party, and the other day a parent asked me what high school I go to

          I know that, if my skin doesn’t dry into a husk, I might one day enjoy having a baby face

          But right now, being told I look like a kid isn’t a big confidence boost

          Looking like I can’t legally fuck anyone my age isn’t sexy!!!! ! !

          • Exactly. Some old guy (too old for me. Technically too old for my mum) said I looked thirteen. Then he said it was a compliment. I really hope it wasn’t a compliment.
            It’s better to think of it as, ok hard for hookups to happen but at least whoever dates us (if they’re not gross) is doing it for our sexy minds/personalities. That stuff lasts. Whether you look ten or twenty in your twenties doesn’t. I hope anyway.
            It’s actually made me swear off men even though I’m bi as they don’t do it for the mind, they either assume I’m submissive or like having ‘legal jailbait’. At least the women I’ve been with/other young women don’t make those assumptions.

  11. I’m trying to avoid thinking about V-Day because it makes me feel bad and I really just want someone to get me one of the stuffed pink unicorns they are selling at Walgreen’s. :'(

    • I don’t mean to discount your bad feelings, but I very much want you to buy yourself that stuffed pink unicorn.

      • I think you should buy the stuffie. I bought myself a stuffed doggie and a VD card with a red pepper on it from the drug store that says “You’re a hottie and I love you a lottie” and it has just made my day for weeks because I bought it a couple of weeks ago. :)

    • How about we go together? I just broke up with my gf of 2 years, my heart is in the flaming pits of hell, and I could use the chocolate.

  12. I am taking my board exams to get my nursing license on Monday! I ended up with a snow day yesterday (we got over a foot in CT!) and I was glad for the extra study time.. but I didn’t end up using it very efficiently because I am experiencing severe anxiety regarding passing this damn test and finding a job.. So I kind of just spent the day crying at my computer :( All my friends from school who have taken it have passed, but I suffer from imposter syndrome (thanks patriarchy) and so I have this nagging voice in my brain that says despite my good grades and all logic saying I will probably pass, I’m going to fail and have to tell everyone I know that I’m a failure. Feeling like a fraud is so exhausting..

    In better news! I feel less sad today.. not sure why, but I’ll take it! And it’s the weekend and I’m going to see a community theater production of Tommy with my girlfriend and her family on Sunday, so that will be fun. Happy weekend people! <3 I appreciate you!

    • Maybe, it’ll help you to channel Hermione a little bit?
      Maybe not focus on the outcome as much as the actual test itself.
      A test that will wrap up your studies and this part of your life so far and is,in and of itself, a rite of passage more than anything.
      Of course you want to do good on it, but not because of jobs or grades, but because you wish to honor the work you’ve put in these past few years.
      The sweat, the tears, the long nights.
      Honor yourself.
      If all fails, watch American Pie.
      I had pretty much a nervous breakdown during my pre-med exams in college. I couldn’t stop crying after getting my oral examination dates (First week, zero prep time) in the mail, and so many people called to wish me a happy birthday and were so shocked when I picked up the phone, choked with tears.
      My friends took me out for some hot milk after a few hours, and at some point I remember watching that stupid movie, with the relevation that there’s a whole different world out there and also, life goes on.
      This, despite its relevance, will, after all, be just another Monday, followed by a Tuesday.
      On and on.
      I’m such a mess before these things, that after a while, I’m just glad that they’re over, and that there will be days following them.
      And honestly, even if it may feel that way, those are not the days your life hinges upon.
      Those are different, unexpected ones.

    • Feeling the need to use time efficiently can be a whole stress in itself. I hope you can forgive yourself for not using the time in the way you feel you needed to. Sometimes crying is all we can do in a day, and that is okay.

    • Good luck on those boards! I took the bar exam last February and definitely spent the last couple of days before the exam crying my eyes out and shaking my wife awake every night at 2 AM telling her much I suck at this. Get it all out now and KICK THAT EXAM’S ASS.

    • You should take an hour or two this weekend just for you time. Get out of your personal space, out of your usual routine, take a deep breath and you do you. Do something for yourself that will force you to relax by yourself or with someone. Get a facial, of manicure, or take yourself to a movie or a indoor garden or a long walk in the snow. As for crying all day, you probably needed it. Good luck (you don’t need it, you got this) and go kick your exams ass.

    • OMG GOOD LUCK!!!!! Are you taking the NCLEX?? I just took it in November. HONESTLY it went better than I thought. Everyone I’d spoken to said that it was horrible and I would walk out thinking I had failed…but it wasn’t as impossibly hard as everyone had made it out to be. I was SO terrified beforehand because I’ve struggled with test anxiety in the past. Anyways if I can do it SO CAN YOU. And if you don’t pass the first time that absolutely does not make you a failure. You can write it again, tons of people do. It isn’t a reflection on how good of a nurse you are, it’s just a reflection on how well you’re able to write a certain type of test. Just remember that! You’re going to be an awesome nurse. I don’t even know you, but I know that if you read AS, it’s obvious that you’ll be an excellent nurse. Just trust that you are likely more ready than you’re giving yourself credit for. <3

      • Yes.. The nclex.. I really think I’m going to pass.. But there’s always that part of me that says I won’t!!!! Thank you for the kind thoughts ?


        • Since I’m a blonde, it took me quite a while to remember how she tends to end her books.Every time I turned the last page of another one, I facepalmed.
          Be that as it may, only every other book is a deeply disturbing anti utopia, allow me to recommend her other stuff,too!
          P.S.:I’m glad for everyone who has read the book and understands the “Gilead” aspect of the current political climate.

    • Do you mean the Handmaid’s Tale? It was required reading for us in Canadian High School many many years ago, so I don’t remember specific details except that I was left with a sense of lingering dread and horror for weeks after reading it.

      • Lol yes, thank you Chandra. The Handmaiden was a Korean adaptation of a Sarah Waters novel that I saw last year. The Handmaid’s Tale was the scary book I read this week.

  14. Firstly, that is one cute dog!

    Secondly, I got prescribed some sleeping pills and they actually worked this time and I finally understand why people like sleep. I must have just been exhausted for years. Literally years. I didn’t know that I could wake up and do things and not find everything super difficult. Sleep you guys! Sleep is amazing!

    As far as valentine’s day? I’m feeling pretty bleugh about it. I have never cared about this silly holiday before, but this year I’m really aware that I’m the only single person in my friend group and I’m all alone! Maybe it’s because this is the first one since I’ve been out? Who knows, I need to battle my self-loathing so that I can get to the point where I can date again!

    So, other than the realisation that I’m gonna die alone, this week has been pretty good.

    • Sleep truly is amazing! I could not fall asleep last night and remembered how shitty that feels. I’m glad you got something that works for you! As for Valentines Day, I hope you are able to treat yourself and have a lovely day regardless :)

    • I must have just been exhausted for years. Literally years. I didn’t know that I could wake up and do things and not find everything super difficult. Sleep you guys! Sleep is amazing!

      I so relate to these feelings. I’ve only managed to figure out how to get regular decent sleeps in the last couple of years, and it’s like, oh! This is what it feels like to have a personality.

  15. So Many good things have happened lately and I’m just trying to pay it back.

    First, I have a job! I’ve spent months looking for a job that will pay well enough to keep in NYC and allow me to use and expand my experience in nonprofit fundraising. I’ve found that, and I’ll be writing and managing grants for a workforce development organization focused on the tech and coding field.

    One reason why I’m excited to actually be making some money is that I can now support the nonprofits and artists who do / make things I value. I’ve already donated to the Sylvia Rivera Law Project and am going to look into becoming a collective member once I know what my work schedule is like.

    As others in NYC know, we got a break from winter when it was suddenly 65 degrees on Wednesday afternoon? I went skateboarding. Then there was a huge snowstorm and I’ve been inside wrapped in blankets for two days.

    One thing I almost forgot: I finally have a copy of the Qur’an to read for myself, after several years of not knowing where to turn for guidance on selecting a translation. I finally asked my friend who is a convert to Islam and has a Middle Eastern Studies degree. I don’t know why it took me so long to ask her when we talk about our experiences as people of faith all the time. Among other things, I hope reading and learning about the Qur’an will make me a more informed and effective ally to my Muslim friends. I’ve been working on showing up to support the Muslim communities in NYC and elsewhere threatened by Executive Orders and emboldened Islamophobes. Now I’m working to read up.

    • Congratulations on the job! Having that stability and the money to support others can be so nice! I’m still waiting for employment, but I have a whole bunch of people/places/organizations I want to financially support once I have some form of income. That’s awesome that you are now able to support artists and nonprofits :)

    • Congrats on the job!! I hope to some day find a job in NYC too. It’s so wonderful that you’re now in a financial position to help out other people and groups. :)

  16. This has been a very weird week for me. I was supposed to go to Chicago for work next week and between trying to get my Visa situation figured out, and the training I was going to getting cancelled last minutes, I’ve been very broody. Worst of all, I bought tickets to Hamilton, but I can’t go anymore because it’s in the middle of the week, and I don’t have the vacation to go on my own time. I’ve been avoiding thinking about the whole thing, because the process of getting the visa alone is super stressful for me, and losing my chance for Hamilton is even worst.

    Good news is there’s a snow storm in Toronto, and I love snow!

    Also, if anyone is interested in the ticket (1 for Tuesday at 7:30pm in Chicago) please let me know. I can’t resell through Ticketmaster because I don’t live in the US. Even if you think you can’t afford it, let me know. We can work something out. (If this is against AS comment policy, I apologize. At this point I just want someone to get the tickets, regardless of money. I can take the comment down.)

    • I’m so sorry about your Visa situation and that you can’t go to Hamilton anymore :( You are going to make somebody very happy with that ticket though. Glad you have some nice snow though!

  17. Hi everyone!

    I spent last weekend in Barcelona! First of all, it was my air travel ever and I loved it. I don’t know, I just love atmosphere on airports, train stations, whatever, like everyone is going somewhere and it’s kinda nice and I love travelling so much.

    Barcelona is definietely one of the most beautiful cities I’ve visited, if not the most beautiful. I loved its narrow streets and literally everything was so wonderful, I enjoyed every minute. I also went to San Felipe Neri plaza because that’s where one of my fav fictional characters, Nuria Monfort from “The Shadow of the Wind” lived and reading that book in that place felt really special to me.

    I also visited LGBT bookstore. It was pretty big thing for me because there is no such thing anywhere in my country (perhaps because I can count lesbian books translated into my language on fingers of one hand). I spend like an hour there because there was such a lovely climate. I unfortunately didn’t buy any books because they had very few English ones and I didn’t have much money. But I bought the rainbow stripe! And ladies there were so nice and gave me bookmarks and mini-magazine saying that even if I don’t understand a word in Spanish I can take it. I really don’t understand a word in Spanish but there’s article about old Hollywood lesbians (<3 <3 <3) and Carol!

    And I met my former math teacher in Picasso museum. Seriously, I live in Poland, like 7458284 miles away from Spain and in a really, really small town. It's not a holiday season. What the hell.

    Also, I went to supermarket next to our hostel there and I bought Doritos and some juice. I went there back for ice cream and cashier was looking at me suspiciously (I don't know why) and then told me to show my bag and I had those Doritos and juice and I was so nervous that he'd think I stole it and I didn't understand him but when I told him I bought this here earlier he was like okay and told me to go. I hate that kind of situations and I couldn't stop thinking about it and I felt so ashamed even if I didn't do anything.

    OH, AND SPICY POTATOES. <3 I miss them so much.

    And on Monday I'm coming back to school and I'll have to start studying and I have exams in May and I think I'm starting to freak out and I'm afraid I won't pass my math exam and why can't I spend rest of my life in blanket watching Buffy or whatever.

    • That’s amazing that you got to go to Barcelona! I went once and also loved it! Wish I had gone to an lgbt bookstore at the time, that sounds like a great experience. That’s so random that you ran into someone you knew so far from home, funny how often that sort of thing happens!

  18. I don’t think I am doing anything for Valentines day. I am personally, not a fan of it, due to the holiday’s origin, and the history of the holiday here in the States. On the other hand if I find a queer fuck Valentines day party, I may just have to go to it. Could be a good way to spend time with friends. I am not sure what my exact plans are for the weekend yet, but I did make plans to hang out with a fellow queer.

    I sometimes wish we did have snow days out here(well if you live in the local mountains they do), as they sound fun. However, watching the news and other media reminds me how thankful I am to be in spring like weather. Cause it’s just nice not having to freeze or worry about if i have enough blankets on my bed. Plus, who can say no to queers in happy spring wear. I am not at the point where I am wearing skirts, but I want to be once I gain more courage; plus it’s a good way to say fuck you to the patriarchy(amab trans queer). I also want to wear fishnet tops too, cause that also scream queer, which I can since it’s pretty much spring out here in SoCal.

    The weather was nice last Sunday, but instead of going outdoors and hiking, I spent it eating food. I made vegan nachos with bacon flavored vegan chips(thank you whole foods), and drank Guinness Blond(yes it’s vegan), and watched tv. So, I have not nature pics. Instead this week I decided to start a series where I document all the anti-Tr*mp & current administration graffiti I see, which so far has been a fair amount. One can see it here on my Tumblr in interested.

    So this weeks image is a relevant one I post before. I wrote this on an art wall that’s long been changed(the art not the wall).

    Thank your for reading and viewing my post. Have a positive & safe weekend!

    • That food sounds so delicious! I really like your graffiti series, what a great idea. As for the weather, I’m in NoCal and it has been so rainy and icky lately (I’m from Seattle so I’m used to this, but wanted sun!), but today is sunny and it feels so lovely, so I’m also looking forward to spring :)

      • Drive down a few hundred miles we already have spring here. Thank you for support, I was worried it wasn’t a good idea.

  19. My Valentines Day plans are possibly my most amazing yet: I am getting a colonoscopy!! This will be my 6th one, but my first one on V-day. I’m currently laughing at myself/slightly panicking because I am required to have someone pick me up from the procedure and I cannot find anyone! I moved to the Bay Area 5 months ago so am still meeting people, and my two friends with cars are either out of town or, get this: also getting a scope procedure! At the same exact time! So basically I’m Liz Lemon on Valentines Day when she can’t find anyone to pick her up from the dentist. I’m glad I’m laughing about this cause things have been hard lately and I could use a good laugh.

    My Crohn’s disease has gone into full-flare mode, which means ending my stint with trying to treat my Crohn’s through diet and eastern medicine. I’ve been pretty upset about it, but at this point I’m ready to just feel better! Because of my health, I’ve been trying to actually stay clear from a lot of stress at this moment, which as you might imagine is very difficult in this climate. It also makes me feel really bad and strange because I want to be doing all I can to counteract cheeto, but I also need to take care of myself first so that I don’t end up in the hospital or surgery. It’s a hard time to be sick and leaves me feeling bad when I’m not doing all the work I know others are. My days have been pretty much just me laying in bed watching kids movies to stay calm and help my body help itself. I’m going to try and go to the store today, so hopefully that goes well!

    • Oof I hope you find someone to drive you! And that the colonoscopy goes well and the prep doesn’t make you feel too miserable for too long.

      I hope the flare-up comes under control soon too and that you find good movies and/or TV shows to watch on Netflix or however you’re watching the stuff you’re watching.

    • Are you a member of the Bay Area Straddlers on FB? Someone might be up for helping out with a ride and stuff…

    • “Help my body help itself.” Love that! And love that you’re keeping up the good fight and doing what you can to get better and be kind to your body even during tough times. Sending good vibes your way!

      • Thanks everybody! After writing this post, I turned to FB and a very kind person I’ve been dating for a few months offered to get me :) I didn’t want to ask her because she doesn’t have a car and I didn’t want her to have to bus to me, but she offered and now I’m feeling much better about it! I’m also having my best day in weeks so your good vibes are working!!!

    • I second the Bay Area Straddlers group on FB, you might find someone. I’d offer, but I work during the day. Unless you happen to be getting it done in SF or San Mateo sometime in the evening?

  20. Oh wow, it’s been awhile since I commented here. Kept meaning to but ya know, stuff happened.

    So the biggest thing since I last posted here, waaaaaaaaas… I got Facial Faminization Surgery! That was about eh a month ago now, but it’s still very relevant because this friday is my first day back at work after recovering from that, and I haven’t really gotten to talk about it at all and I sorta finished all my work today so i’m a bit bored so why not~

    So basically, it was kind of a mess. Originally I was supposed to have gotten it done back in November, but an ER visit for something random had set back my savings a little and I had to push it out until January. As I tend to with any sort of medical thing, I worried, the entire time…

    Annnnd when it came time for the big day, I got up at that special hour of 4:30 AM, got my stuff into the car, and was already to go… when I got the call that the ice storm the day before had canceled every OR, and everything was being rescheduled. Thankfully my surgeon proactively grabbed a slot like, three days later… but yeah. On the flip-side I spent so much time getting worked up the first time that the delayed period i was oddly chill until the new day, and was much more ready for it.

    I think the thing that surprised me the most was how easy the recovery period was compared to a lot of the stuff i had read on other trans women forums… but then, i’ve always had a pretty decent physical pain threshold. The worst of the experience was honestly the whole ‘goopiness’ of it all.

    Which isn’t to say that the recovery went completely swimmingly, last weekend on my last day of medical leave i managed to pick up a stomach bug… annnnd unfortunately needed take even more unpaid leave until today to deal with a bad fever. In the process of trying to treat it, I got put on an anti-biotic, which I had an unknown allergy, so dealing with those surprise effects was a bit fun too.

    Other than that, got a new video game to play with the girlfriend, and feeling rather awesome about getting in some snooze time this weekend!

    • Congrats on your successful surgery! I’m glad the recovery wasn’t too bad, though it sounds like you’ve been through a lot with medical shiz, so kuddos on getting through it all. Yay for games and sleeping :D

    • I’ve had multiple allergic reactions to antibiotics and it’s the worst! I’m sorry you had to go through that. But it’s so great to hear that the recovery went well from your surgery! :)

  21. So everyone is wrong about the important holiday that February 14th is. The important holiday that falls on February 14th is actually my dog’s birthday. And like I guess it’s the day before Discount Chocolate And Conversational Hearts Day, so whatever.

    This stubborn old lady is turning 15 this year. This is from when she was just over 1 and just discovering her favorite activity: finding rocks and chasing them around and barking at them.

    And these are from a few weeks ago. Not a whole lot has changed. Still a weirdo, still loves rocks, still has more energy than me, and still loves barking.

  22. Hellloooo! It’s my day off from work after 7 days in a row, and I’m spending it roasting brussel sprouts and cleaning my tub and playing with my cat. Also: I got a haircut today! It’s a little shorter but a little taller, somehow? Anyways, I love it. I’m also making my girlfriend a valentine while she’s at rehearsal today, because not only is it Valentine’s Day next week, it’s also a year and a half since we started dating, and we love any excuse to celebrate and be super cheesy.

  23. I’m home sick and so angry about work and lazy people and unfairness,etc.
    I don’t think I’d be home or sick if I would’ve been treated a little more fairly these past few weeks and not have had to deal
    Those things are a lot easier to take, if you’re fit enough to hit a punching bag, but, alas, I’m not.
    What this being home sick thing has taught me, though, is that, while I might not have anyone to make me soup or coddle me, given enough time, and leisure, I make a mean broth and there’s something greatly self loving about cooking abundantly for yourself and only yourself.
    Also, I’m off to the US next Saturday and I am so excited and scared about this trip, that I somehow had zero time to mentally prepare for.
    I hope everything goes well.
    I don’t really know, I feel like I’m in midlife crisis #34 at the age of 36 right now.
    It’s time to see some nice things, do some cool stuff and get some distance from everything for a while, I guess.
    Also, Valentine’s Day?
    Yes, probably alcohol consumption with another chronically single friend and hopefully a queer movie at the Berlinale.

    • Sorry about the work experience :( I hope that situation gets better or you find something better so you can exit the bad situation. Also, there is something feel-good about being able to take care of yourself when you’re sick or stressed or just juggling a whole lot!

      • Thank you! I’m usually really bad at taking care of myself, therefore, I guess, I’m angriest at myself for burn out 2.0.
        But at least I’m still learning.

    • I’m glad you are cooking for yourself and enjoying it :) I too find that even when there aren’t people around to care for me, cooking is something I always feel good about doing for myself (when I feel well enough).

  24. I saw Tegan and Sara in Paradiso wednesday night! It was my first T&S concert, and I had a great time! Tegan and Sara really put an incredible amount of energy into the show, which was almost sold out so the atmosphere was incredible.
    I’m hard of hearing, so going to any concert is a pretty big thing for me, and this was my first concert going on my own, so I’m feeling pretty proud of myself.
    Any other straddlers who went to Paradiso to see Tegan and Sara?

    • I’ve never seen Tegan and Sara but it’s on my bucket list! That sounds like such a great experience, I’m glad you got to go and enjoyed it :)

      • Yes, they were on my bucket list for some time too, it was really a bit of luck that I saw they were coming to Amsterdam so I took my chance. I really can’t recommend going to a live concert enough, it was even better than the CD album. They made some jokes, asked the audience about their relationships, talked about marriage (the straight institution, ha) and had a blast of a time playing their songs, including some older ones.

  25. Happy Friday straddlers!!! How y’all had a good week and have a great weekend.

    I haven’t had a great 2 weeks or since I suddenly tried into the rabbit hole that is depression suddenly and with no warning…a lot of feels still about my sexuality and blah blah blah but since Wednesday I seem to be clawing my way back up again woohoo!

    So….yesterday I flew to Cologne to stay with my best friend from boarding school who I haven’t seen in 2 years! And last night we went to a Tegan and Sara concert!! It was awesome!!! So much fun….but also funny because I was dancing away and Germans don’t really dance much (I am accustomed to living in Spain haha). Also the FUNNIEST thing happened when the support act Ria (check her out she is awesome) asked the crowd what she should do in Cologne and my friend shouted out “come home with me!” and I was like “uhh get in line!” and everyone around us was dying of laughter!

    Anyway big hugs to you all! Love and kittens and unicorns and cupcakes x

    • I’m sorry the last two weeks have been rough, but I’m glad T&S helped! Haha that’s great that you got some laughs from the crowd, that always feels so good! Keep dancing your heart out!!

      • I never stop dancing so no problems there ;)
        You’re right, nothing gives a boost as good as some unintentional crowd appreciation!

  26. All my days are going too fast and it feels impossible to stop everything from unraveling into incomprehensible messes!
    But I think it was last monday(?) my professor asked the class what made us wonder lately? And I keep asking myself the same thing every once in a while to check in, like what HAS made me wonder lately? Most of the time its something like, how on earth can people be so frustrating? or how can people who say they are feminists be so mean and inflexible, and just plain rude towards one of my best friends? But also stuff like seeing my writing in print like in an actual real lit journal! Songs that transport me to a different time! People who exude kindness and joy in everything they do! The power to make something from nothing.

  27. Aaah, reading everyone’s posts and low-key socializing is just what I need to end this week. It’s been a rough month between starting my new job in the beginning of January and kind-of-sort-of cementing my best friend break-up today(?) Also, I have a cold, which forced me to stay home today. We had snow closures yesterday but corporate life stops for no one so I worked from home then BAM came the cold which knocked me out for most of last night and all of today. I’m exhausted but still carrying on. Being home alone (wife is at work) with my thoughts hasn’t been great but the cold has dulled my cognitive abilities so there’s the silver lining to the cold. Also, I’ve started watching Gilmore Girls from the beginning for the umpteenth time.

    Aside from the anxiety of new job and facing the reality of my relationship with my college best friend, life has been chill. My wife and I are looking for a new place that is closer to where we both work now that I have a more permanent job. The cats remain kooky but are more cuddly than usual because it’s cold. I am working out more so I feel stronger, have more energy, and feel like I need to intake less caffeine than usual!

    Happy weekend everyone!

    • Oh my gosh I have just recently started watching Gilmore Girls from the beginning for the first time and I don’t know how I lived without this show in my life?!

      • I adore “Gilmore Girls”! Hope you enjoy. I have put on “Turner And Hooch” on Netflix. Tom Hanks movies are generally a comfort food kind of thing for me. Might forage in the kitchen for Oreoes as well. Feels like a night of comfort eating an watching.

  28. That precious dog looks like a teddy bear and those pictures made my heart swell.

    Despite what seems like the imminence of the end of the world as we know it, I’ve had a really decent week. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m going to A-Camp in May. I purchased tickets to see Neko Case play a show in March. I attended my first Indivisible meeting last Saturday and was really inspired by how many people were there (300+!). And I just contacted my city’s Fairness Campaign HQ to start volunteering my time there. I feel like I have gotten to the part where I have found hope and I’m putting this hope to good use.

    Valentine ’s Day, like all other holidays is just another day. I’m not a big celebrator of things and the fact that I’ve been single for a LONG time = me hanging out at home. I’m not sad or mad about it, it’s just the way it is. Perhaps one day it will change.

    Hope everyone has a fun weekend planned!

  29. Snow Day! I’m a little sick today, so that’s annoying, but at least I didn’t have to go to work or make lesson materials for a substitute.

    I like being single for Valentine’s Day–not a big fan of getting gifts or surprises. But I also see Valentine’s Day as the end of holiday season, so after next week I’ll try to leave the house and be open to meeting someone new in the hopes of a lovely relationship that will end amicably (or at least permanently) before holiday season starts back up again in November. :D We all have goals, right?

  30. OMG your dog!!

    Hi y’all!

    So, um, I am mortified to report that I actually threw my back out this morning while having a “It’s Friday!” Dance Party getting ready for work. I wish I was kidding.

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry….the muscle relaxers are pretty strong so maybe I’ll laugh until they wear off!

    Thank goodness for Netflix and you all to keep me occupied until I can move again!

  31. It’s my birthday/our anniversary week! My wife is taking me to see Kinky Boots on Sunday, and Monday (my bday and a stat holiday!) we’re going to see Hidden Figures and eat cake.
    Also my secret present for my wife for Christmas is going well (weekly photos and art of her garden)…I’m so excited to see it grow…along with the garden! Or at least the garden will grow once the snow disappears…

    13 years legally married on Tuesday … and 13 is my favorite number…so time to make it an extra special year for my love! I want to make a poor prime number joke, but my lunch break is over, so you’re all spared.

  32. tomorrow I’m traveling to Uruguay, to visit my family. My depression is making it very difficult to be excited, though. also, I am afraid of flying and airports and stuff and it’s really depressing bc I feel guilty for not being happy about traveling. but I am trying to remember that once I am there I will be sooooo happy to see my family. usually I don’t even want to leave anymore, and it’s carnaval, so I think it’s going to be great!

  33. oh yeah and also, how could I forget, I finally went to my first Tegan and Sara concert (in Cologne) !! I don’t really listen to them, but a friend invited me and it was sooo nice, I’ve been listenig to their music all day. also, this community thing is very fun, considering how security was just like “what the heck is this band why is everyone so excited and also what is this expensive carpet why do they do this, who the heck knows them” :D oh and they talked about face-timing their cats and I remembered I saw that on No Filter a few weeks ago. it was such a nice evening

  34. Heyo queermos!

    So on Valentines day I get to have a CT scan, which is hella romantic *insert sarcasm.* After which I will go to work and then go home and make dinner and work on the novel I’m writing. I have traditionally hated Valentine’s day a lot, but I’ve recently started to keep that hatred on a low simmer rather than being a severely unpleasant person to be around for a whole day. And on the 15th I’m going to buy all the chocolate so. It could be worse. And there’s this girl I am trying to date, so maybe next year I’ll be one of those obnoxiously lovey people that annoy me right now. Maybe. We’ll see.

    In general I’m just trying to figure out this whole WTF is my Body Doing? Thing. All signs point to Not Serious/It’s Gonna Be Fine, but still. I just have to remind myself that I am extremely fortunate to have good health insurance, a job with paid sick time, and an understanding boss.

    But in good news, this week I got to do my yearly big presentation of teen books to librarians and teachers. We wear costumes and have way too much fun and get to talk about our favorite books so it’s basically my favorite thing all year. This is my group… I’m the one in the white/blue wig.

  35. Guys, for the first time in 7.25 years I am home alone for an extended period. Well, me and a mini-zoo of cats and dogs. PSA: please never dump your unwanted pet on a country road; they all end up here b/c they can sniff out my soft, soft heart.

    So there’s no one to talk to (which gets old after awhile even for an introvert like myself #geminirising) and I can’t go perform stand-up b/c the dogs stress eat the house if they’re alone at night and I have to eventually sell this bitch intact y’know BUT yay to having freedom to do anything I want at any hour w/o upsetting the other co-habitator, right? Times like this I wish all my friends hadn’t moved away but I’m a dame that makes do. ;)

    I have a feeling preparing midnight vegan gf fare in the buff whilst belting out vintage fiona apple is in my future…

  36. My rage at the “Supergirl” writers is reaching the point of no return. They’ve pushed Karamel so hard that they’ve ground Kara’s character growth down to nothing to prop up Mon-El. This is reaching the final straw.

    • Thank you! I was ecstatic when Kara shot down Mon El.
      But then, next episode, they completely body swapped Alex into not caring about Kara’s b-day and then pushing mon-el onto her.Alex was actually more Alex when she wasn’t!
      Now, they completely OOC Kara into pining for Mon-El, which she did zero of, before?
      Come on, Supergirl writers, you can do better!

      • I just love how Kara is upset about Alex not celebrating her Earth Birthday with her because it preys on her abandonment issues, except she’s not. She’s upset because she’s really in love with Mon-El. The entire episode they played this dramatic conflict built on a season and half’s backstory of Kara, only to throw it away in the last few minutes of the episode.

  37. I’m spending my Friday evening watching old episodes of Xena. I don’t get how anyone didn’t get how gay it is… there are more googly eyes in this episode than in a Michael’s.

  38. For V-Day I am definitely staying home and hanging out with my dog. Which I am actually fine with? I’m in a place currently where probably for the first time in my life I am HAPPY to be single?! Which is bizarre and I keep wondering if I am just deluding myself… But I feel pretty content to be alone right now and focus on my (nonexistent) career instead.

    I just recently graduated from 6 years of university and am now in the horrible place of needing to do the grown up thing of getting an actual job… I’m not having much luck so far (and by ‘not much’ I mean ‘approximately zero’) so that’s pretty much consuming my life right now.

    There’s WAY too much snow where I am right now, and my hair looks dreadful, but idgaf. I’m eating a strawberry ice cream sundae so that’s a plus at least.

    Also just wanted to say a big HELLOOOOO to everyone!! I used to post here years ago and then stopped for a long time (didn’t stop reading AS just wasn’t commenting) and now I am BACK and it’s great and y’all are great.

  39. Being a mixed girl is hard at the moment. I just cried yesterday because of how people see me. But I am focusing on a new project and plants. Because PLANTS!
    I wrote an essay for the Black Renaissance series, but it wasn’t finished so I am still adding to it/editing it and I’m going to submit it under another topic. I have to keep on truckin’. I hope everybody is resisting!

    • I would love to read whatever you’re writing. Sounds intense and amazing! Also? Hang in there girly. We’re all brothers and sisters, don’t let society condition you to feel or think otherwise (in my humble opinion)

      • Thank you so much! I hope it gets published. I AM ALMOST DONE WITH IT!
        I’m doing research for a podcast and I’m seeing all this stuff about “biracials” and people from all ethnicities saying that people mixing ruins/waters down culture. I just can’t deal right now. also. I really need people in real life to stop guessing my race. When I tell them they say no “you speak too well to be black,” “you don’t look black you look latino/native.” go away fools.
        You’re so pretty in your picture!

  40. Hello! I’ve never commented here before but I’m always home alone on Fridays so it seemed like a good idea!
    I have recently learned the magic value of a thing called taking long angry walks around my neighborhood, so that’s been probably good. I’m mildly upset because one of my roommates I don’t get along with didn’t tell anyone her boyfriend would be here for the weekend, and the roommate I do get along with isn’t home much :(

    That aside, I had a really great week for the first time in a while though. My queer student org had a potluck that a ton of people came to and brought real food (not just chips and oreos, although there were plenty of those too), which was awesome! I (forced myself to) start learning how to swing dance, and also to start doing more community service and planning with the queer student org. I also had a breakthrough at my job in my school’s writing center helping an international student understand some really weird facets of the absurd English language.

    My valentine’s day plans are to watch old cartoons with my roommate and then go get a bunch of discount chocolate the next day.

    Happy Friday/weekend!

    • Hi there! I haven’t gone on many angry walks lately, but I have done some angry bicycling to get out of the apartment and get some fresh air.

      I’ve been having roommate troubles this week too – last Saturday I got a newly assigned random roommate, and we started fighting over the thermostat her very first night here, plus her boyfriend stayed two nights after helping her move in, which made me vaguely uncomfortable. I yelled, she felt unwelcome, we both felt so hot (me) / cold (her) at night we couldn’t sleep, and we are both looking into moving out soon. What a mess. My other roommate then aired some of her own complaints and informed me that a former roommate had left partly because of being cold and not wanting to confront me about it, which was kind of frustrating and disconcerting – why am I only hearing about all this now? am I that bad at reading social cues? am I that intimidating (she said I was, but I didn’t know I was capable of that…it’s almost heartening to know that I can be, but then I start to feel guilty for being glad about having intimidated someone…)?

      That got long-winded, sorry. I just wanted to commiserate about having other people’s boyfriends around. My roommates didn’t get how that could be awkward/uncomfortable, and I couldn’t really articulate why it was.

      • Ah, that sounds so familiar! I asked my roommate this morning how long her boyfriend would be staying and she was like “why?” and I was just like…you want to know why…I want to know…how long a near-stranger is going to be staying in my house…

        I hope your roommate troubles get better, though!

    • I used to do long angry cycling/running-so I hear that. Had a fun English situation with a guy I work with-use of formal language is so confusing. Why say “played without issue” instead of “worked” in an email-I mean I know why, but damn. Poor guy was having a heart attack over a submission deadline, all due to language.

  41. I like your doggie Carolyn! They’re so curly cute!

    I’ve turned into someone who now likes Bossa Nova and I’m excited to see what else I will start unexpectedly liking. I played my bass last night and that is always a good time and I’ve got blisters on my index finger and middle finger now. I’m trying to use ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ because it makes for a more positive me.

    So much of what has been said in this thread is relevant to my interests. <3 I have enjoyed cooking dishes lately and sharing with a friend at work :) It's really made me feel so very good to make soups and a vanilla cake with a fruit compote that I invented.hint it has whiskey, cinnamon and a splash of cherry juice init.

    Oh yeah SNLL was so good guys!!

    Thanks everyone have a good night! :)

  42. Inspired by the needle point post on this very website some time ago, I had every intention of making some awesome patches for the back of my denim vest. I even went out and bought the supplies. Then the world fell apart (aka the American election) and I already have a million other craft projects in my head… then I acquired some puff paint for another project and I decided I needed some patches that gave a big FU to our bigoted, hetero-patriarchal system RIGHT NOW. I thought everyone here would enjoy them.

    Photo Feb 10, 6 37 10 PM
    Photo Feb 10, 6 38 35 PM

    • Puff paint is way too much fun-and also a valuable tool of resistance. I hear the craft/back patch thing. I desperately want to learn to chain stitch so I can do cool stuff on my denim jacket but TIME! …Also patience.

  43. I am finally feeling better and eating full meals of solid food without my stomach acting like I entered an eating contest.
    The Saturday of the Women’s March I woke with a cough and kinda feverish, unsettled stomach that evolved into the 2nd worst kind of vomiting, my nose doing it’s best imitation of a facet, and one of those high fevers that proddingly reminds one of every bone ever broken.
    What’s 2nd worst kind of vomiting you’re possibly wondering; in my opinion is the kind where you’ve vomited everything even bile but your body is still trying to give heave to more but there is just nothing left to give. I had 2 1/2 days of that and a tender stomach into next week.

    Long story short I was getting all my nutrition in liquid form for a week and intaking about 3 times the amount liquid I normally would b/c fever. Had to acclimate into eating solid food and then into eating enough to fuel my adult human body properly. I love oatmeal and I love red beans but I do not want to eat them every day.
    Last week I was still tired, just so fucking tired, wiped out recovering an’ shit which make me feel old. Like I am getting old.

    I am going to make pizza/tomato tart with rough puff pastry happen for Valentines day, because the coupleship I am a part of that is somehow our thing.
    Maybe catch a movie if my paper is going well.

    This song, I am really feeling this song right now

    especially this part of it @ 45 and his death eaters

    “Tu madre kuando te pario
    i te kito al mundo
    korason eya no te dio
    para amar segundo.”

    and this one

    Um lastly I’ve fallen deep into the Star Wars fandom and watching the Clone Wars because not even my escapism can be chill.
    Previously I’ve only delved into some of the meta about how slavery could impact someone inducted into religious order where calling people they’re obedient to master like say Anakin, and some Tatooine slave culture that is one of the best fanworks I’ve ever read for thought put into.
    But right now it’s like I can’t stop watching and reading the fall of the Republic, watching and reading evil triumph while good sentients fought and died for nothing.
    But there’s hope and the love won.
    A person’s love and last desperate act of the child who just wanted to see the stars and be free left in rotting remains of person triumphed over evil and died finally free in the arms of their freeborn child.
    I am a mess.

  44. Also there were tornadoes in my area.
    I am fine just a bruising scratch from a dog I was carrying outside for potty breaks between the take shelter tornado warnings. :P

    However FEMA is being an helpful asshole, but that’s like typical Tuesday when you have bureaucrats in charge of deciding when something is an actually emergency that needs emergency funding.

    • Wasn’t it a surreal day? I was at work downtown when all that was going on, and all our phones buzzed with emergency warnings nonstop.

      • It was, I felt like we where in the beginning of shit hitting the fan in Day After Tomorrow. This weather is not correct, wtf does it think it’s doing…

        Did anyone where you work taking cover? Cause I know some people did not even with the take shelter warnings. I was lucky to be home and able to shelter at my leisure with my emergency appliances, dogs, emergency noms and beloved water canister.

  45. Don’t really celebrate V-Day. GF sent me this and it cracked me up. Hopefully it makes you laugh as well.

  46. I’ve been listening to this band The Courtneys ( bc Tegan & Sara posted something about them on Facebook, they’re great!! Sadly they are not coming anywhere near me on tour but for those of you who live in Canada or the NOT southeastern United States…check them out! Also I’ve been obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy lately. I’m only on Season 7 but it’s such a good show!!! Another show that could have changed my life if I had actually watched it when it first came on TV…seeing two women in an actual relationship!!! what a concept!!

    • Grey’s Anatomy IS MY LIFE. I think my mom and I are the only people I know still watching it…and I will never ever stop.

  47. I’m watching Grace and Frankie with my mom tonight to catch her up before season 3 comes out. There are a ton of rallies in my city this weekend, which is my version of Galentines Day! Good tv and protests are my whole weekend Speaking of tv…who is planning to watch The Good Fight? Rose Leslie as a queer character!!!!!! But paying for a cbs streaming service….??????

      • Yes! I love it. I should warn you that the tones of season 1 and 2 are kind of different. However, they are consistent enough that if you like the first couple of episodes, you’ll probably like the whole series. Lily Tomlin is amazing in it!

  48. Hey! I’ve had a weird week– some really low and some really high days. Meh. I’m writing this from a dorm room bed on an overnight college visit, which I was super nervous about, but it’s gone well so far.
    It was nice to be with my mom on the long drive up here and just talk with her! We ate Steak n’ Shake. Hell yeah. They have this grilled cheese burger sandwich that isn’t available in my home state franchise and it’s some kind of sublime experience, I swear.

  49. My week has been pretty good. It’s been my last week living in Melbourne full time as I’m moving to Canberra tomorrow to start uni. Oh and I just saw the Book of Mormon this afternoon which was amazing!
    I’m going to one of my best friend’s 21st birthday tonight so that should be really fun.
    But I do have to get up at 5am tomorrow to drive to Canberra so that will be kind of exhausting. I’m excited to start uni though although the thought of homework sounds rather daunting after three months of doing nothing. I’m also pretty sad to say goodbye to my family and friends and my dog. But hopefully I’ll have a great time at uni and settle in really quickly :)

  50. Folks I’m a day late I know, but I fell asleep on twitter after succumbing to this headcold of doom. So yeah. I was meant to have a chill evening at a friend’s with a bunch of cool queers friends I never get to see but alas-there was snot…so much snot.
    For last weeks lovely advice givers-The makeup thing I had to do yesterday was bearable, turned out the photographer was a (queer) friend so it was all relatively chill with makeup friend and photo friend. Other acquaintance folks there were micro aggression filled hell pits but yeah. Brushed that shit off, took my butch ass back to work.
    Valentine’s Day – wife and I are going to see Tegan and Sara (and I will not shut up about it apparently) and stay in a pretty nice hotel. So that’s freaking awesome! I will be better by then, this cold can do one. It’s our first married valentines. This year I’m being a gross sap and hitting the first married shit hard. It’s dumb but fun in a “yeah she’s my wife dude, and she’s awesome” way-bless the card shop sales assistants. I am looking forward to not buying wife cards next year because they are mostly painfully heteronormative/gender normative (i.e. Pink) which is like-why? Or the exact same card design with a different slogan per occasion. Ugh. Seen so many adorable “favourite human” cards this year and I hope they keep that shit up.
    Ummm so Tesco are running an ad about how ladies with no man can buy each other/themselves Galentines – and folks I just don’t know what to do with that. I just…so many issues not least of which is Leslie Knope holds a Galentines brunch and I’m positive it’s not on Feb 14th. So yeah.
    Also this week we listened to both Rhea Butcher, and Cameron Esposito’s stand up shows and laughed our asses off. 7million out of 10 will listen again, and again, and again. *strawberry emoji* *baseball emoji*
    I’m off to take more sudafed/pain killers, and nap/prep for work tmrw. Hope you have great weekends and enjoy whatever you do on Valentine’s.

    • Ughhhh that Tesco add sounds frustrating. And I’m saying this as the 100% bonafide get/make most of my good friends valentines that feature terrible puns and in-jokes because PLATONIC LOVE IS IMPORTANT TOO (My favorite shitty injoke valentine was to my brother and said “I love you almost as much as I love your refrigerator” bc I always wind up eating his food when I visit). But you def don’t need to be single, or a lady, or a single straight lady to do that or for it to be important, and that add framing it as “things you poor aimless women without men can do to not feel so aimless and like failures” is crappy wtf tesco.

      • Super frustrating especially as the guy talking was kinda condescending. I think Valentine’s is generally very non platonic over here, maybe part of that British non emotion thing, the stiff upper lip is extreme. (Like kids don’t really do valentines at school-or we didn’t, the American kids would bring stuff in for the class sometimes but English kids didn’t.) Which made the whole ad thing extra ugh to me. Like if it had been some Knopeish lady I’d maybe have been like ok. But it was so directed at “lonely” straight women. On the plus side my wife showed me a galaxy chocolate ad wth wlw in it last night though which was super cute.

  51. Hey Straddlers! I know I’m a day late, so I hope everyone’s weekend is off to a lovely start. I’m having kind of a rough time. I went to my friend’s funeral this morning. I didn’t have anyone to go with so I was horribly anxious all last night and this morning, and almost didn’t go. I’m so glad I did, though, because it was a wonderful service. It’s hard for me to do that stuff alone, though. All of my close friends were there, as well as a lot of other folks I know, but I feel sort of on the periphery of my friend group and often they make plans that I’m not included in, and their lives intersect in ways that mine doesn’t, so anyway, that’s all to say they all went together and I went separately. I felt really lost going in, but a dear friend came and sat with me during the service, which I am so appreciative of. So now I’m back home, alone, feeling kinda lonely and sad but also like I wanna start putting my life back together. I’ve been really depressed lately and haven’t been taking care of stuff like I should be or want to be. I also wanna think about what it means to build and to have meaningful relationships/friendships, especially as a person that is Forever Single and doesn’t have a partner to rely on. How can I better ask for help when I need it, and when people aren’t able to help me in the ways that I need, how do I not take that so personally and start feeling like I am unworthy of help or care? How do I let the people that I care about know that they’re important to me? How do I add new people to my life that might be good sources of support? Any ideas, advice, andecdotes, love, and cute gifs/funny pictures in the comments would be very much appreciated!

    • I’m sorry but I really don’t have any helpful answers to the questions you posed at the end. I think they’re really good questions to be asking! But they’re all ones I’m struggling with myself, and have yet to find any answers for.
      I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about your friend, and I am really glad you found the courage to attend the service anyways. <3

    • I’m asking a lot of these same questions myself, so any answers I give are partial at best. Nevertheless, since I’m a person who likes to write and mail letters, I have written letters to some of the people I care about, even if they no longer live in town and can’t help in the same ways anymore. It’s a nice way to reflect (for a birthday, holiday, or no occasion in particular) on why it is that these people are important, and it’s something that we don’t always think or get to say in person. Oftentimes this reflection brings to mind ways that they have helped me, even if it’s not all the ways I need all the time, even if it still hurts when they can’t be there as much. Some of the people who have been regularly stepping in to fill the gaps are people from groups I’ve joined (out of a mixture of interest and the desire for the semblance of a social life) – acquaintances-turned-friends from a theater group, a church fellowship, and a small discussion group I fell into almost by accident (no accidents there, though). So joining groups has been a good way to add new people to my life, but to add people who specifically might be a source of support, I’ve had to take a leap with them and be more open. I’m trying not to answer “how are you?” with “fine” as often as I used to if things aren’t actually quite fine, or to answer only how things are academically and not personally. That’s a place to start, I think, so maybe you could give it a try too?

    • i’m so sorry! break-ups are never easy. *hugs* if you want them. if you need to vent or anything, you know autostraddle’s here for you.

      (and if you need to do that in a more private format, i’m sure plenty of us would be up for talking. i don’t comment on here a whole ton, but a definite part of my coping with a break-up a few years ago was having @jajs as a super kind listener, and i dunno if it’s weird since you and i haven’t ever really chatted, but i’d be happy to pay that forward if you need anyone to talk to.)

      • also if you haven’t watched one day at a time yet, i just binged that whole first season last night, and it’s pretty cute and doesn’t focus too much on relationship stuff. or if you like webcomics, stand still, stay silent is really pretty and interesting and completely relationship-free. nearly 700 pages worth of archives of post-apocalypse storytelling goodness.

        • (it’s not like, Depressing, though. it’s not THAT type of post-apocalyptic. there’s a kitty as a main character, if that clarifies anything about the nature of the comic.)

        • I love one day at a time, and that webcomic looks rad! I definitely might message you later. Thanks CB ?

    • Further proof that nothing good comes of watching season 6 of The L Word.

      Breakups suck. I hope you are both taking care of yourselves right now.

    • Ah shit, that’s rough timing. I don’t know if it helps you to read things, but when I went through a really bad breakup a couple years ago I stumbled across this post by an author who writes about heartbreak from the most helpful perspective I’ve ever found. She’s Buddhist, but the advice she gives is really just empathetic and practical and helped me feel less alone. <3

  52. I just read your post “Snow Days and Spring Dreams” and thoroughly enjoyed it. Your vivid descriptions of the snow-capped landscape and the excitement of snow days made me feel as though I was right there with you. I loved how you contrasted the chilly winter weather with the hopes and dreams of spring, creating a feeling of anticipation and optimism.

    It’s amazing how a snow day can bring both joy and stress, especially for those who have to navigate hazardous roads or find childcare on short notice. But your positive attitude and hopeful outlook reminded me that even in the midst of challenging situations, we can still find beauty and joy.

    On a side note, have you heard about the snow day predictor? It’s a tool that helps predict the likelihood of a snow day based on weather forecasts and historical data. It could be a helpful resource for anyone who wants to plan ahead and avoid any unpleasant surprises. Visit this site: and help the snow predictor and enjoy more.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. Looking forward to reading more from you soon!

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