FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Peaceful, Easy Feelings

Hi, walrus tusks! (Too real?) Welcome to this week’s edition of the Friday Open Thread, a no-holds-barred taco-making competition judged on the merits of effort, flavor, and number of ingredients used which double as lesbian jokes. (To those of you who order fish tacos without shame: I respect your game.) JK! This is our weekly space to share pictures of pets and partners, regale each other with tales of our lives that double as queer sitcomes, and tell each other how good-looking we are. I’m really glad you’re here! It’s a beautiful day in this gayborhood, which is my way of telling you how good-looking you are. Nice hair, girl.

Here’s what I propose for this virtual sleepover: Let’s be happy campers!

via catster

via catster

Like, maybe you could post your biggest accomplishment from the week here and me and twenty other people can send you celebratory emoji in response. Or you could share a sweet story from the week and a bunch of us could melt. Or maybe you could post your gratitude list and we could all suddenly be inspired to look at the world around us and dig around for the hidden gems in every moment! Or, even better, you could just post photos of your dogs. I love when y’all post photos of your dogs. Cats are cute, too! So are hamsters and rats, you guys are really into rats right. Why do so many of my friends have rats in their present lives or their pasts and why do even more of them probably, let’s be real, have a rat in their future. We’ll never know! Feel free to post links about how good of a pet a rat can be, though, or to come over and read me that book about giving a mouse a cookie.

To start us off with a bang, I’ll go first! That’s only fair, right. Um, let’s see.

My biggest accomplishment this week? Waking up at 6 or 6:30 every single day so I can try out a new schedule at work that lets me leave super early, for sure. I’m terrible at sleep and I’m terrible at mornings, but I’m really good at ordering a large iced coffee with two shots in it without worrying about the barista judging me. That’s what I learned this week. Oh, and I survived a SoulCycle class! Even better, I liked a SoulCycle class! I consider this a massive accomplishment on my part, TBH. Last but not least, I’ve finally achieved my dream of going to the same place for coffee so often that when I walk in they just start up the espresso maker and some of the folks there know me by name. Bless it.

My sweet story? Um, well I celebrated my one-year anniversary of arriving in LA this week and got to take Eli to In-N-Out which was pretty ace, he’s really into it. Me, too. Also, Los Angeles is a fucking dream. Like, if anyone in the world actually wanted to just talk to me about LA all day for the rest of my days I’d be okay with it because it gives me all of the emotions. There’s some other stories I could put here but like, let’s be real, gotta save something for my secret Tumblr.

My gratitude list right now: espresso, grilled cheeses animal style with fries and strawberry shakes, and my secret Tumblr. Also you! Also Eli! Also everyone I know and love, especially my grandma! Also my new, much bigger mattress which has already spoiled me rotten. Oh, and did I mention espresso? And maybe sleep, but don’t tell anyone.

Here’s a photo of Eli in my new bed, too.

See, wasn’t that fun? Don’t you feel light as a balloon or maybe a feather or maybe stiff as a board, I don’t know your life let’s be real. Come on down and join the positivity party, guys. I really need you to indulge me in this right now. Plus, I heard being happy is like, important or something.

And of course, all this aside, it goes without saying that this space is still a safe space for all of your feelings. I love feelings, didn’t you know? It’s kind of my brand. Even ones that aren’t peaceful or easy! Talking about them is even more fun, I heard. So come on down with all of your realness and jump in wherever you’re at. I wanna know everything, and I’ll love you deeply even if you don’t tell me your gratitude list. I respect your air of mystery and I respect you.

Let’s go, seagulls. C’mon down!

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Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.


  1. What a great idea Carmen.

    I’m currently sipping an Old Fashioned in my pyjamas watching Highlander. It doesn’t get happier than this.

    Also I’m having a birthday dinner next Tuesday and planning the food I would cook has been a delight. I’m making a shallot/ goat cheese tatin tarte, aubergine caviar, among other things. And for dessert a nougat glacé :).

    Also yesterday I ran a 10k in 61:15 min ! Life is super good right now. :).

      • It’s so easy ! Cut the aubergines in length and sprinkle them with olive oil and stab them with garlic. Put in hot oven for half an hour. Then remove skin, purée the aubergines with the garlic, add some more olive oil and voila !

        • I’m so here for a recipe open thread at some point and I will, probably, try the eggplant thing before fall is over.

    • That food sounds so decadent! I keep combining the picture of the food you’re making with you watching Highlander in your pyjamas and I’m just imagining the most luxurious pyjamas ever.

  2. Gooooood morning!

    I am super stoked that we will get to see Dorothy Snarker’s writing here at AS within the next few months! A huge welcome to her and all of the writers Heather confirmed on Twitter yesterday. What a week!

    Yesterday it was important to me that I buy and eat a Lunchable, so I did. Sometimes being a grown-up is knowing how much sodium is in something and reveling in it anyway. I can report that there are comics on the front now and that I am still just as expert at putting a straw into a Capri-Sun (the trick is to put the other end of the straw in your mouth so you don’t lose any of that precious “juice” to the schoolyard dirt).

    I wasn’t a huge fan of my Pottermore patronus so I’ve since decided that mine might be a redwood tree, or maybe probiotics. (I’m sure they’d be cute if you were small enough to meet them.) Or–not otters themselves–but just the act of their hand-holding in the kelp beds. Or one of the aunties from A Wrinkle In Time. (Wow, thinking about it as an adult, that book is a trip.)

    I’ll stop rambling now. Happy Friday! Love you all!

    • Your patronus being an aunt from A Wrinkle in Time is such an amazing picture. I still reread that book once every couple of years.

    • I was also displeased with my Patronus. Clearly, it should be some sort of cephalopod, and not a sphinx cat. (As much as I love cats.) Or Virginia Woolf. Or Ursula Le Guin. Or, since you mention probiotics, my sourdough starter might also be a good candidate.

      My brother, who’s thirteen and a half, just read Wrinkle in Time, Wind in the Door, and Swiftly Tilting Planet for the first time. He found them immensely frustrating (“why isn’t the plot of the first book linked to the plot of the second book? why is there no consistent antagonist? etc.), and I was frustrated by his frustration. So I’m happy that you’re as into Wrinkle in Time as I am.

  3. If you’re depressed about AE, then pick your spirits back up by reading about Julie d’Aubigny aka La Maupin. A Frenchwoman during the late 1600’s, she was a celebrated swordswoman, duelist, opera singer, and lover. She had numerous lovers of both the male and female variety, and was renowned for having rescued one of her female lovers from a convent after her parents sent her there to remove her from d’Aubigny’s presence. She was also noted for having defeated three noblemen in duels after they witnessed her kissing another woman. She was the inspiration for Théophile Gautier’s “Mademoiselle de Maupin”.

    • She totally fits into the Highlander universe. Just what I needed to fill my current marathon-induced daydreams. Thanks :p

    • Between this and the heiress post, I’m starting to think my best bet at finding the ideal woman is building a time machine. Or I guess I could try to be the ideal and rescue some reluctant nuns?

    • Ah yes, Julie d’Aubigny.
      Now I need to share with you the “The Valiant Ladies of Potosi” 17th Peruvian folk heroines, Dona Ana Lezama de Urinza and Dona Eustaquia de Sonza/

      “two aristocratic lesbian lovers disguised themselves as cowboys and fought to clean up one of the toughest towns in all of South America.”

      and Nancy Wake while not queer she is, with no doubt in my mind, a source of inspiration for Agent Peggy Carter.

      She was awarded the British George Medal, the American Medal of Freedom, the French Legion d’Honneur, and three Croix de Guerres. Sold them all, lived off the money and when she was asked why she answered,”There’s no point in keeping them… I’ll probably go the hell and they’d melt anyways.”

      Lastly I’m about to do a terrible thing and introduce

      Rejected Princesses, it’s like falling down a wikipedia hole but worse because it’s all really interesting women. ALL OF IT.
      Oh and some Two Spirit people who identified as women but were misgendered in publish histories.

      But eh the Lakota model of gender from one explanation by a member of the Lakota nation I read once was something to the effect of “it’s a quaternary” and the word that referred to transpeople was and is “Winkte” and that Two-Spirited people weren’t just like bi or gay they were also gifted in medicine, extra special because they carried more spirit. Also adopted the orphans which was super important thing, not leaving anybody behind and taking care of the tribe thing.

      So I don’t know if who ever is writing Rejected Princesses is correct in what they write about Osh-Tisch who was Crow cause I don’t know anything about Crow Nation baté, their gender binary or what Two Spirited meant to them.
      It is written by white contemporarie misgendering assholes that Osc-Tisch said she was,”“inclined to be a woman, never a man.”

  4. Carmen, Eli is so freaking adorable I just can’t. It just makes me want to rush home and snuggle my puppies forever. I mean that’s kind of what happens daily as it is, but yeah. Dogs.

    I have actually had a week full of some accomplishments! Even though I think I’ve been conditioned to rank all of my academic/work-related ones higher than others, I’d say my biggest accomplishment this week is that I have successfully managed to sit with some feelings I’ve been having and just be. Idk how that works for anyone else, but I have pretty much never done that. I can’t say it’s been super awesome every time, especially since I have a lot of not great feelings to deal with, but just being able to be like “hey, this is a feeling I’m experiencing right now and it’s not fun, but I can experience it and know it’s not permanent,” has started to change how I handle things!

    Also, I found out my patronus is a “mongrel dog” yesterday and I got waaay too excited about it.

    My gratitude list would be: dogs. all dogs. ester dean (I have such an in-no-way-low-key crush on her) and dreams! I usually have awful nightmares multiple times a week but last night I had a really nice dream just hanging out with my grandpa and woke up happy my brain was able to create another chance for me to hang out with him.

    I hope everyone has a magnificent Friday!

  5. Did I ever mention I went to a Girl Scout summer camp for like 8 summers in my childhood?? It was the most magical (and gay, as I look back on it now) place and time in my life probably and I wish I could go back!

    Ok but as far as accomplishments go, I’ve actually kept up with my ASL class which has a lot of homework and lab assignments, which I know probably doesn’t sound like much but it’s always been my downfall in the past. I really like this class so I’ve been afraid I’d mess it up again like I have with other classes and have to drop it or get really far behind but I’m still there! I’m doing well!

    Also probably the real greatest thing to happen this week is just feeling happy? I’ve been feeling happy and light for no reason and forgiving myself for simple things that I would usually endlessly beat myself up over and I feel so nice! I know it won’t be a forever feeling (depression, y’all) but I’m really excited to enjoy it while it lasts!

    Oh! I just bought a pullman loaf pan (one of those square sided bread pans with a lid that slides on the top) and I’ve been preparing to make a sourdough sandwich bread (pain de mie for any bread nerds) that’s supposed to be very soft and I’m curious to see how it turns out since usually the sourdough I make is really crusty artisan type loaves. I love the crust on those but It’ll be nice to not have to lose a tooth trying to eat it or cut my finger off attempting to cut through it.

  6. I wouldn’t be doing this but, like, I was invited to. Ok, so I have a chronic pain disability and recently the pain has exploded. I’m aware nobody wants to be around someone with chronic pain, even on the Internet. And I do have a support group online, but it’s not a gay hangout by any stretch of the imagination. And I want to share this with my tribe.

    Believe it or not, I do have a gratitude list. It’s very important that I do. My arms and legs are killing me right now BUT I’m very grateful to have working arms and legs. I’m grateful for my partner and the fact that I let her talk me into a third dog who, of course, is the most playful and loving of the three. I’m grateful that I enjoy my own company (No, really!) because I’m alone a lot!

    The new intensity of my pain is proving to be quite a problem as I take care of the dogs during the day and I take care of my girlfriend’s mother during the day (she has Alheimer’s).

    I know pain can always get worse, and I’m grateful that it hasn’t reached the point where I just give up.

    Well, that’s more than enough for now. Sorry if I over-shared.

    • Definitely not over-sharing. Being a caregiver to a person with Alzheimer’s is a huge deal. Taking care of three dogs is a huge deal. Having chronic pain is a HUGE deal.

      You are doing amazing. I hope you are able to do something just for yourself today! Sending love.

    • Hey friend ! This is a safe space and there are other queer disabled or living-with-chronic-illness folks out there and your voice is welcome and your feelings are valid and you don’t have to apologise to us for needing to talk about it <3

    • Barb, this was definitely not an overshare! While I don’t have firsthand experience with pain, my girlfriend has a pain disorder and is currently having a really hard time. I know it’s hard to share with most people when most people’s impulse when hearing about pain is to always try to solve the problem. Unhelpful at best and infuriating/isolating at worse!

      Anyway, hi from a fellow dog owner and enjoyer of my own company! Dog therapy is the best therapy, I only have one and I get overwhelmed by juggling her care with other obligations I have. Worth it, but it’s stopped me from getting another dog even though I spend a LOT of time daydreaming about having another goofy great dane to brighten my day. Three sounds like a dream…and an enormous challenge!

    • Hey Barb,

      I am so sorry about chronic pain. It sucks. I’ve dealt with it (at a much lower level than you) pretty much my whole adult life owing to athletic injuries (I think?) and it can really just put you in 24/7 survival mode. You are doing awesome stuff and you are going to be all right.

      For me, I recognized that I might have a magnesium deficiency, and this week I started taking steps to actively address it. Magnesium does play a role in chronic pain, and while upping your magnesium is no cure-all, if you do have a deficiency (and most people do, like 2/3 of the population) getting some more won’t hurt and can only help. The good news is that the best and safest way to get more magnesium is through food, really good stuff like leafy greens and nuts and seeds.

      Unfortunately, as I’m sure you well know, there are no easy answers for chronic pain and sometimes it seems like we are just never going to get better. But that is not true – it’s a lie our body feeds us that only makes us feel worse in the end. I said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re doing great to handle everything already on your plate.

    • Whilst this is totally a perfect place to find your community, I just wanted to point you towards Pillow Fighters group on Fb. It’s a group for young ish people with chronic illnesses and they are SUPER queer friendly. (I think the person who runs it is gay, maybe?) The group is all about sharing positivity and ideas about coping. I highly recommend it.

    • Definitely not an overshare! Things like this make me feel less alone as another queer with chronic pain (though I would prefer that nobody else has to deal with chronic pain bc it’s The Worst).

  7. I’m currently sitting in my favorite library, The Library of Performing Arts at Lincoln Center. It’s a library devoted entirely to the performing arts!!! I’m doing research for a musical I’m writing, and just being in this library makes me feel amazing. I love this place! It’s my happy place. :)

    Sorry I haven’t posted in a while – I started a new job, which has taken up a lot of my time. But I have off today, and I’m in my happy place, so all is well! :)

    Aren’t libraries the best?

    • Libraries are actually the best. I get excited about library sightings the way some people get excited about celebrity sightings. “Oh hey, look! There’s a library over there!!”
      I just googled the library you’re talking about, and it looks really cool. Have fun in there!

    • I’m in a library too! It’s 9pm and I just can’t be bothered to cycle home. It’s warm here and I have wifi!

  8. I’ve accomplished to get my before school to-do list done before the weekend! So I have these next three days to relax and do fun projects before fall term starts on Monday! I even got the extra stuff done, like organizing/condensing my kitchen cabinets for when my (hopefully) roommate moves in (hopefully) soon. Plus I’m nearing the last section of knitting the blanket I’ve been making for almost a year!
    I also skyped with my internet friend/crush for the first time and it was really great and I have a lot of feelings about it and her! <3 <3 <3 for some reason she really likes me and thinks I'm cute! I don't quite get it but I love it!
    I am so grateful for pizza! and new books!

    • So many awesome things! I can’t decide whether to be more excited about your Skype date or your knitting progress. I just really like knitting!

      • Honestly SAME! It feels like the blanket suddenly went from a weird big blue blob to being really blanket like (actually it took about two months of lots of knitting while watching GBBO). But also skype date was amazing and gave me heart eyes for daysssss <3 so…

    • I´m so happy for you! That sounds all just soo amazing! :) …and as someone, who has only finished 4 squares (out of …probably 250?) for a crotchet blanket, I totally get the excitement of finishing something so big. Have a wonderfull weekend!

  9. I’m so excited for this weekend because a bunch of the Lions cabin are having an A-Camp reunion!!! ???

    We’re going to do a pirate themed escape room and celebrate @averysparklebutch‘s cat’s birthday, so it’s basically like a dream weekend.

  10. I am so here for your accomplishments. My biggest accomplishment every day is waking up fifteen minutes before I need to leave the house, and still clocking in within our 3-minute “grace period.”

    Last night as I was putting things away from the store, I kept thinking “omg I love this apartment.” It’s been almost a month now, and it’s still perfect and my roommate is perfect and I haven’t even come close to being murdered so all that is pretty high up on the ol’ gratitude list.

    For a sweet story…how about accidentally saying “I love you” much too early but kind of also meaning it and not wanting to backpeddle and talking it out and somehow I like her even more now?

    Also my new co-ed softball team was the sweetest when I hurt my leg on Sunday. Speaking of which, any sports medicine folks out there interested in providing some unofficial advice?

    • How’d you hurt it? What happened? Advice will be totally different depending on whether we’re dealing with soft tissue, hard tissue, joints, muscles, etc.

      • Haha I was going to wait to give specifics till someone bit. I’m not exactly sure what I did to it. Two weeks ago I played two softball games after being off for a month, and then I went on a four hour hike. So both of my legs were sore for the next week, but I didn’t think I’d actually injured anything. Well at my next game, when I tried to run I started having spasms in my right quad. I sat out and iced it, and the acute pain resolved later that day, but it still hurts when I crouch down or try to run, or walk down an incline. Definitely no joint involvement and it for sure isn’t the bone. I’d mostly like to be told it’s not bad enough for pt. Thoughts, @iamthekatat?

        • Righto, that sounds like enough detail to make a (totally nonprofessional) determination. Sounds like a strained quad to me. I do not believe you will need PT. The good news is I think in the end you will be OK. The bad news is that, as you’ve already discovered, muscle strains can linger for weeks. Being a “weekend warrior” (sorry if I’m making an unfounded assumption) adds to the problem.

          There are some things you can do! Number one, which may sound silly, is to find a place where it’s safe to do so and walk backwards. Yes, like actually walk backwards. This helps balance out the front of your legs (which are probably overactive) with the back and will gently stretch out some of the tight things. The only risk to this activity is looking goofy and possibly tripping (hence the need to find a clear area for this). Another thing you would probably benefit from, again going on the assumption that the front of your leg is overactive, is glute bridges, or “butt lifts” if you prefer. All you need for this is your floor and some privacy, unless you really want to have other people watch you hump the sky. If you do, that’s cool too! You do you.

          To help the acute pain, compression might be a good option, especially while you are doing the offending activity. You can wrap up with an Ace bandage, but not too tight. Also, if you’ve got the nerve, you can try something called a foam roller. I have to warn you that this HURTS like blazes, but it is safe and effective. If you can get a foam roller or a PVC pipe to use, lay on it so your quads are resting on it with the weight of your body, then move back and forth. Like I said, this is a really miserable thing to do to yourself, but it works.

          Above all, don’t despair! Your injury may nag, but it doesn’t sound serious.

          • Thank you!! I had asked a couple docs but no one gave me anything I could actually /do/ to start healing. Just a lot of “wait and see” “ibuprofen and rest.” So thank you, I will be doing all of this!

            You got me on the weekend warrior thing. I’m an emt, I consider myself fairly active as far as being on my feet, lifting, etc. But you’d never catch me running (or, rather, you probably would catch me, I’m not very fast).

          • All I’d have to add to the Kat’s recs is Magnesium and lots of fluids, to smooth out the whole muscle metabolism, healing stunt after your quads seem to have been a bit tossed about and stressed in the first place.
            Just make sure to have,like, a banana or something.

    • Just as a general rule, rest, ice, compression, elevation.
      But also if you’re sad about it, do something nice for you.

  11. Can I share an embarassing moment? I spent 30 minutes on Pottermore yesterday taking that patronus quiz. I was like, “Wow, this is a really long quiz. Maybe it’s supposed to reflect how the Patronus Charm is really difficult?” Nope. Turns out the the site was just laggy and unresponsive to my mouse clicks. After 30 minutes I tried taking the quiz on my phone instead. Found out my patronus in like 1 minute. (It’s a sparrowhawk.)
    I’m happy that it’s officially fall! I broke out my favorite flannel yesterday to celebrate.

      • I’d love to have a sparrowhawk. I’m glad you were able to do yours! I tried that Patronus quiz once, and mine was a sloth. Well, one can’t “choose” these things, right? Or maybe I should try again, and I’ll find that mine changed.

        • Hey sloths make KrIsten Bell cry ugly tears of joy ok. I feel like that’s fairly qualified to fend off dementors.

  12. I am not much for positivity this week, but: last night I got all the dishes from the week washed, and tonight I am finally hanging out with a new friend I made last August and then proceeded to just trade internet sarcasm with for a year before we actually made plans to do something.

    I’m moving cross-country in five weeks and feeling overwhelmed by the idea of starting at ground zero yet again. Just getting rid of random belongings and figuring out shipping is exhausting enough, but how am I ever going to find a place to live, a new job, friends and a girlfriend?

    The other thing I am having feelings about is that I have a family member I haven’t talked to in months because I found out about something they did that really hurt me, and that I think was done, either consciously or unconsciously, out of homophobia. They know I am upset about it but all I got was, initially, a text saying basically that I was overreacting and “we’ll talk when you’re ready,” which has not happened, but I started getting emails and phone messages every couple weeks mentioning they miss me and why haven’t I called, but no indication that they’re willing to confront their own behaviour or consider that I might have a legitimate reason for being upset. I don’t know if I should keep ignoring these messages forever or need to write a 10-page letter explicitly spelling out why this hurts me (and then deal with the ensuing guilt trip). People with supposedly “liberal” families who do crappy things, how do you deal? I know you are out there.

  13. I taught myself how to ride a bike this week y’all! I just smooshed the feelings of fear and anxiety about looking stupid in public and learned how to ride one of those fucking things! By myself!

    I am so proud of myself for being brave and capable and so excited for all the adventures I can go on now! There are many beautiful places to bike near me and the weather is currently aces, 70-80s with enough humidity that going outside feels like a hug. (I’m from North Carolina, Stockholm syndrome has fully kicked in) Hope everyone else is having a fun, accomplished or peaceful week!

  14. Hi Carmen! I’m glad you’re doing well.

    I have two positive things from this week:

    1) I participated in a 5K corporate/charity run. I did well too, though I forgot to ask my time. Still, it’s not the time, but the charity that counts, right? =)

    2) I am entered in a radio contest to win a motorcycle. However, I don’t know what I’d do with it if I actually won. I guess I could sit on it and pretend I’m riding it around, making “Vrrrrrrrrroooom!” noises all the while.

  15. Hello, my name is dysphoria and I’m coming after you. That’s my biggest accomplishment of the week. Saying hello to my old foe dysphoria and not fully breaking down in the street and crying. I did cry in the street, but it was like for a moment and fear got the best of me there. I’m still feeling dysphoric right now but, I hoping putting on make up will help me later. Speaking of which I may be going to the Heartbreakers LGBTQ dance party(hosted by Whitney of the Real L Word), if not probably the Abby with friends. I dunno if that will solve it, but maybe the combo of queers, make up, a drink or three, and Mary Jane will help? It can’t hurt, unless I get kicked out for using a fucking bathroom again. Ugh. Besides that, I am healthy. You lovely SoCal folks are welcome to hang with my and friends if you want.

    Speaking of which, I will be glad to speak to you about L.A, and SoCal anytime. I spent Sunday at home so no exploring nature, as my plans got canceled, but did try to make pumpkin dip. It was good, but the onion I put was stronger than I expected, and the ghost pepper didn’t counteract that as I thought it would(wasn’t spicy like I thought it would be). It does give me a good idea what to do next time. Monday night I was with a dear friend drinking pumpkin based beer, and cider at the beach in Long Beach. It was real nice. We do have plans to have a queer pumpkin baking party sometime in the coming weeks and I am very excited for that! Also, excited to go to jumping into another waterfall this Sunday as it’s suppose to be very warm again. Yay

    Last Saturday I went to a cousins birthday, and spent time having fun with my sister, and other cousins. It was great, and few times I nearly blurted out I’m so queer! lol
    Inebriated view from that night.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • I just wanted to tell you, that I am so sorry to hear that your dysphoria has visited you again… And I hope, that your plans will help against it! As someone, who has only really got to know dysphoria a couple of weeks ago, and is just starting to learn how to cope with it, I just wanted to send you some positive energy and strength. And wish you lots of fun at that party! It sounds really fun! (apart from that last-time-bathroom-story) :)

      • Thank you. It acted up again today when someone called me short armed Jew( think my hair is the give away) boy, who walks like an immigrant. I’m not sure how an immigrant walks as I lived 95% of my life in states, but I can definitely say I am not a male. Then pair that with a group of business women walk across the street, wishing I could just blend in the group it just made it worse. Almost, walked into a hotel just to get away from the harasser, but then he wins. So, I just kept walking like, and thought about my possibility models, and what they would do.

        • I’m sorry you had to experience that. People can be such assholes, it really baffles me. Good for you for staying strong.

          On another note, I love that photo! I always enjoy your pics, especially when you go for hikes. I think I am experiencing landscape envy…

          Hope you have a fun weekend and enjoy the waterfall on Sunday.

        • I am absolutely flabbergastet that anyone would ever do something like the thing you just described! :( I think you reacted the best way possible…
          Have fun jumping down the waterfall! :) Here in Europe it´s already pretty fall-like/autumnal (which I do like!). :)

          • Oh wow – I can´t imagine a year without a real fall! :) I love fall so much! Especiall as long as it is not here yet… Because on the other hand – constant rain for hours on end and days, which stay dim all day long are only fun for a couple of days/weeks – then I look forward to spring. But then comes winter first… ;)

  16. I totally reattached a heater to a wall today, with an electric drill and everything. This both doubles as “fixing something with my own goddamn hands” which makes me feel better about this crappy week i can’t fix, and also as me just being a super gay D.I.Y. lady. (I am not usually a D.i.Y. lady, i’m a P.A.Y. lady).

    • I’m here, I’m here, I’m finally here! Not that we had a lack of communication today thanks to Twitter. Anyway, at least we can laugh at each other’s jokes now ;)

      Congrats on your super gay DIY win!

  17. Exciting moment of the week: finding some queer people on campus.
    Saddest moment of the week: realizing they were all undergrads and that I’m no closer to finding queer friends of an appropriate age.

    Other things that happened; I successfully downloaded the Mendeley add-on for word, This boy in Starbucks tried to play footsie with me on accident (I hope), my roommate introduced me to Eurovision (I have no idea how I didn’t know about this).

    See below my current favorite performance:


    • I so know that feeling of !! queer people on campus… crap, undergrads. Lovely people! But potential trouble if you’re a GTA etc.

      I did find some by finding cross-study grad student groups … and taking courses that tied to gender or queer studies. That said, I once was super excited I found someone who likes sci fi/fantasy in my area! … and then found out they were a racist conspiracy theorist so I wish you all the good luck in finding your people on campus.

    • Yeah, the annual Eurovision Song contest (formerly known as Grand Prix Eurovision de la Chanson) – an outright gay-guy-thing ;) Tradition requires to meet up with friends and watch it devotedly while having canapées/finger food and lots of fun (or complain loudly on f.e. the rating system) :)

      Actually there are quite good songs, too! Plenty even. One of my favorites is – notice the Eurovision anthem in the beginning.

      • Ooh, you have to watch the really old songs (several of which are well known until today) – with a real orchestra until the mid-eighties I guess! Far more classy than nowadays! Huh, wasn’t aware of liking the Grandprix that much…

  18. Hello Everyone!
    Oh wow – Carmen! Your accomplishments and your sweet story and your gratitude list are all so amazing! Also, the term “virtual sleepover” sums up perfectly all the feelings I have about our Friday Open Threads.

    My biggest accomplishment this week was admitting that there was not the tiniest bit of energy left inside of me for further accomplishments right now. I went to see a doctor (found a pretty good one, really near to my new place with the help of a good friend!), told her everything, that has happened during the last 6 weeks (break up, moving cities, new job, questioning gender identity/dysphoria) and got a medical certificate, that I have to rest for the rest of the week. :) I find it always really difficult to admit, when I´m sick/very exhausted, but at this point, I really couldn´t pretend to function any more. I´ve been sleeping a lot and feel a tiny bit better already. Also, I´m a bit proud that I managed to talk to the doctor about the fact, that I might be trans (her reaction was positive, btw!). And I managed to calm myself down at least a bit, regarding that topic. I´ve decided on next possible steps to take: Getting an even shorter haircut (as close to a buzz cut, as I think is still tolerated at work ;) ), getting a new pair of glasses, finding a gender therapist and calling them, getting some clothes I like and finally trying out my binder (it is still on its way from the U.S.). Looking forward to these next steps/ experiments really calms me down and makes me happy.

    As to the sweet story… Hmm… I am really impressed and touched by my two best friends and my ex-partner how openly I can talk with them about my confusion and thoughts regarding my gender identity… That helps so much!

    Which brings me to my gratitude list: I am grateful for my friend here in this new city – she has helped me a lot, especially since I am sick. For the fact, that I have a gender therapist, I can talk to at the local LGBTQIA+*-Center. For these Friday Open Threads – I always look forward to them (and when I felt especially bad regarding my dysphoria, I went back and read you guys´ lovely, encouraging answers to one of my old comments.) I am gratefull for spring rolls, broccoli and yummy vegan chocolate spread. And Double Nut Ice Cream.

    I love you all very much and wish you a very nice weekend!

    • Yummy vegan chocolate spread is always great. If you ever need more people to talk to about gender we are here for you.

      • Yeah – it makes every meal so much better if you can look forward to spoonful of vegan chocolate spread as dessert… ;)

        Thank you so much for your offer to talk – that is really kind and very reassuring. At this point I really feel like I could talk about gender all day long… Because its so complicated to me, with so many different layers and interwoven (?) with so many other aspects of identity (like gender expression, sexual orientation etc. ..). So I´m sure I will come back to your offer! :) Thank you again!

  19. Oh, also Natasha Negovanlis liked one of my tweets. I mean, it’s not coma-inducing but its a positive in this shitty week.

  20. Carmen, your dog is so unbelievably cute! How do you even leave your home without him? I would want to see that precious little face everywhere.

    My week has been pretty dull for the most part. I keep telling myself I need to do more throughout the week so that I don’t spend all week wishing for the weekend but I have yet to figure out this balance. One thing I did accomplish this week was organizing my shoes into a hamper-like device that is now living in my closet. And I am going to get rid of the shoes I don’t wear or will never wear again so basically anything that isn’t a loafer. These cleaning/decluttering projects I’ve been working on seem so small but are totally monumental considering for the last year I’ve been too depressed to even think about cleaning my bedroom. Hooray for therapy and self help books and a fine cocktail of psych meds!

    I love this idea of a gratitude list so here goes: cats, dogs, books, really good coffee, and low humidity despite the 90-ish degree weather that makes everything crunchy.

    Have a lovely weekend everyone! Let the sun shine on your beautiful faces <3

    • Organizing all your shoes is such a great thing! I did something to my clothes in the closet to make them neater, but the shoes were too much.

  21. My biggest accomplishment this week? I survived work! Lots of little battles and I didn’t even cry because I had to reschedule my vacation from this week and next week to December. (or if I did, or if I ~sighed wistfully~ no one knows!) I’m still planning on going to Atlanta’s Pride in October—not the way I thought I would be. Going solo and hoping for the best.

    My sweet story? Closest thing to sweet I have is in response to the Voya YA Librarian Reviews trashcan fire of biphobia (among other things)

    I got to recommend a handful of BI YA novels at work and it really made some people’s days! I was a bit worried, but it seemed to reach some who needed those books and that made me so very happy.

    • Which books? I’ve been following that travesty from the uk – I work in books too. Always keen to share recs!

      • Oh, goodness. I did Run, of course, the focal point of the wtfery. Then I added mostly fantastical fiction (as it seems so many times LGBT YA ends up all modern–which is cool, and all, but I was forever wanting some save-the-world action as a kid without the heteronormative romance or triangle)

        Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee

        The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson

        Pantomime by Laura Lam

        Adaptation by Malinda Lo

        I’m going to add more to the list on Monday as my mind was fractured by other must-dos when I was first considering it. Part of the trouble is trying to remember: what books actually say the b word. Then, adding to that, what books that say the b word aren’t perpetuating harmful stereotypes . I might end up in the adult fiction section by the end of next week.

        • Argh! I wrote a long reply and then realised I wasn’t signed in and it got lost.

          But, bisexual characters in fantasy YA, off the top of my head.

          Magnus Bane – all the Cassandra Clare series, and has a series of his own
          Aiden – The Coldest Girl in Coldtown
          Arian – Frostfire (I think?)
          Sevrin – The Darkest Part of the Forest
          Drystan and Micah – Pantomime (and have you read Shadowplay, the second book? Relationship between the two – both characters are bisexual)

          I have to be honest and say Im more sure how many of these use the term ‘bisexual’ in the text, but those are a few I could thing of!

          Would love to hear any more that you come up with.

  22. Hello friends close and far! I’ve missed you. No joke.

    This week has been very busy, I started my nursing course! I’m slowly recognising that I’m doing an actual uni degree with associated traditions and prestige and history. This uni was founded in 1451! Up until now I had viewed this as more of a professional development course, but swings and roundabouts in the grand scheme I suppose.

    Anyways two things I want to share.
    1. I have one lecturer who on our first day pointed out that trans people have different health needs to did people and should be approached differently. She also talked about how the biomedical view of medicine has harmed people by treating variation as a problem, for example medicalising intersex people’s bodies. I LOVE THIS WOMAN.

    2. Today we were learning how to reflect upon our practice, and the same woman asked us to think about how everyone could feel starting a course at a prestigous uni, meeting people theyll be working with for four years, with respect to their socio-economic and gender status.
    AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY. All week I’ve been wondering how I am being perceived wrt my gender presentation and the clothes that I wear, wondering whether I’m dressing smart enough or nice enough and how that intersects with my gender presentation.

    Tl;dr I have a great lecturer and I’m so bloody excited to learn more and have my views challenged .

  23. I’m currently at my parents’ place, sitting on the couch. The smell of pumpkin spice muffins is in the air, and I’m listening to this little guy snoring gently:

    So that’s nice. By the way: what is it about dog snores that’s so soothing? I absolutely cannot stand human snores, but doggy snores make me happy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    For whatever reason I’m totally buying into the whole “fall” thing this year – I’ve already started making salted caramel sauce for my coffee, and I’ll probably pull out my boots when I get back to Ottawa. I will admit that seeing egg nog in the stores was a *bit* much, but, well… egg nog. It makes coffee and baking so much better.

    Also, I found out my Patronus is a Westie. Would’ve preferred a Bassett hound, but I’m pretty happy it’s a dog, at least. Because let’s face it, I fully qualify as a Crazy Dog Person and honestly don’t know how my Patronus could be anything but.

    • Dog snores and dog dreams are the best! Such extreme cuteness. I need to find my stupid pottermore password so I can find out my patronus…that’s a job for tomorrow maybe. I love the huge range of animals folks seem to be getting.

      • Hat, I had mine sent to me, only to realize, that you need to reregister if your account was from before The Great Overhaul.So, don’t let your password stop you!

    • Ha, I thought the premature egg nog was just a Nova Scotia thing. How do you make salted caramel sauce for coffee (and if I learn how am I limited to consuming it in the fall?)?

      Pet snores are the cutest! It’s nice thinking about their happy pet dreams.

  24. Good evening everyone. Thanks for inspiring me to find the good Carmen, because things are tough AF rn. I am on day 14 on my 15 days with no real day off. Travel days don’t count as rest days according to my boss soooo yeah…let’s move on.
    Last weekend I was on a course, which was very full on mentally and physically, learning to sign write. It was amazing. Huge achievement was getting my enamel-spirit mix right by the time I left. Hoping with practice and damn hard work there’s a career/job there somewhere. Also as I was in London I went to platform 9 3/4 and bought a Hufflepuff house crest pin for my denim jacket. Badger pride! This morning I went to my (lesbian) barber and we had a great chat while she gave me a sweet undercut. So good to be around other queers and to come out looking good.
    Oh oh and and oh I’ve been being actively out at work, which is terrifying but feels right…like I’m super done tiptoeing round it, so when illustrating a point I said “my wife…” As opposed to “my friend” which I would have done last year.
    So yeah those are my happy positives for the week. I wish you all many moments of Joy. Have great weekends folks. :)

  25. I made triskele~ish paths bordered by white stones in the back garden. They glow at twilight, and who knows where you might end up if you tread on them then?

    Lunch break over ~ love, and running…!

  26. Achievements, hmm…managing to stay afloat in my grad program somehow, some way, despite losing many days of my week and much time and energy to nonsense I never should have had to deal with. That sounds like a description of my entire life since 2008, though, so let’s see if I can’t do better. I went to see an actual doctor and got an actual check-up for the first time in I don’t even fucking know. I had blood tests done and stuff and my doc, who was otherwise very nice and helpful, didn’t have much advice for why I feel like shit more often than not besides “you’re kind of a fatass and you need to take it even slower when you do physical activity until you get your chops back”. I rep 225 on deadlift (I know that’s not super great but it’s not nothing either) and can walk for miles without difficulty so I’m not quite buying that explanation.

    HOWEVER…based on the results of my bloodwork, I may have found a clue to my shitfeelings. Thanks to the twin pieces of evidence that I have low vitamin D and low HDL, some working knowledge of biochemistry, and a bit of Googling, I now have a working hypothesis that I have a magnesium deficiency. Thus, in addition to supplementing vitamin D (which the doc also suggested), I am also going to do everything I can to get me some Mg2+. That probably sounds really exotic and crazy but mostly it’s going to involve eating spinach and pumpkin seeds, so pretty pedestrian. (Disclaimer: please do not take what I’m doing as an endorsement of self-treating! I hopefully have some idea what the hell I’m doing and I’m only “experimenting” on myself! If you have medical problems or think you do go see an ActualDoctor(tm) okeedoke?) The only other thing I can think of that would cause me to feel like I do would be hardcore depression and I really need it to not be that so fingers crossed that this is a chemical thing.

    Oh yeah, and one more achievement. Since I’ve basically learned more or less how to create ebooks from the guts up, and since I’ve decided this just needs to happen, I’m going to publish the first “issue” of my serial-turned-novel-turned-serial-again, probably on Amazon and then other online retailers later. I’m going to do the whole thing myself, perhaps even the cover art (we’ll see on that score), and buy my own ISBNs and essentially retain maniacal levels of control over the whole project since that’s sort of my thing. The good news is I don’t need to write any new material for the first “issue” – I already have enough. If you like fantasy adventure with an intellectual twist, look for Inferno #1 sometime in early 2017.

    • Sorry about your health issues going on. I hope your home remedy solves it.
      But on other issues…… all you can deadlift is 225? Really? I can dead lift 235 with just my right arm!…… oh, wait, I believe that was 2.35 lbs, sorry! And the first episode of your book is Inferno #1…… is it autobiographical? ahaha

      • I said I can rep 225. That means doing it many times. My max should be much higher – I just don’t dare try to find out what it is right now ;) But all kidding aside, it’s a personal embarrassment to me that I can’t do at least 300.

        As for Inferno being autobiographical, haha, nooo. I’ve done autobiographical fantasy and fanfic before, and this is not it. Inferno is a reference to the fact that the premise of this fictional world is that a very church-like organization has sprung up around the fact that before every new moon a bunch of people have to be sacrificed to the Earth in a fiery pit (the pits of Hell, perhaps?) or else it brings Armageddon and everybody dies. Will you embrace your saviors in the Order of the Pure and Cleansing Inferno, the protectors of life as you know it? Or do you dare take the side of the renegade undesirables who would risk everyone’s existence to put a stop to the ritual? :)

  27. Hey! For all you plant girls out there, here is a new, freaky one for you……

    This is a *single* profusion zinnia with about 75 blooms. It came up from a single seed, volunteer in my flower bed. Actually, I have three of these. The diameter of each is about 3′. Notice the stem in the very center….about 3/4 ” in diameter.

    I have never seen anything like this before. Any plant genius women out there? ?

  28. This week was hectic. I had two tests this week and the first meeting for volunteers helping to set up a conference at my university in addition to the usual spate of homework. One test I got a 74% on (the average of all sections was 76%), so that was nice. The other one I haven’t gotten back yet, but I highly doubt I did that well on it. I needed to give that class more study time during this week. Still, those two are over and I only have one this coming week (and then, *gasp!*, a couple weeks with no tests), so next weekend I’ll be hunting down a pumpkin porter that I heard some crazy brewery in Oregon went and made and getting a six pack.

    The meeting about the conference (the Conference for Undergraduate Women in Physics) went really well, and I’m joint point-person with a graduate student for planning social activities and the point person in charge of working with the university’s catering to get the meals up and running (adding to my workload… I must truly be crazy…). So I’m in position to help correct some issues I saw being made at the conference this past January (not exactly trans* inclusive [although not really excluding transpeople, I just doubt they thought of the trans* community at all], not everyone could eat the breakfast on the first day, etc.)

  29. And here are some flowers blooming in my garden right now, in Texas. What an amazing summer for us.


    Trumpet Vine

    White Pentas

    Gerbera Daisy

    • I was going to say that summer never ends in Texas, but then I remembered you’re in North TX, which means summer will be over for you in a couple of months when the ice storms abruptly roll in. ;)

      • Yikes! I plan on no ice and only one or two lovely snows which melt to water and disappear the next day, thank you very much!?

  30. I had crackers for dinner twice this week and that’s actually something I feel randomly happy about. I also managed to get my dog food before running out, said no to a social event I didn’t want to go to but felt professionally compelled to attend,and am actually on track to submit a manuscript for some deadlines I was sure I’d miss. I’ve also been reading “Empty Without You” and it’s making me happy – voyeurism maybe? Nothing like spending lunch reading dead ladies “intimate” letters. Also all the comments on this open thread are making an otherwise exhausting Friday much better (There is a huge event at work and I want to go home).

  31. Eli. Is. So. Cute!

    This week has been kinda bleh, but then I think about going to A-Camp next week and my brain literally stops working for a second and just goes CAMP CAMP CAMP CAMP CAMP CAMP CAMP CAMP CAMP and I get overwhelmed with all the feelings and everything is ok in world for a little while. Did anybody else listen to @wadeacar Carrie’s interview on Gabby Dun’s podcast this week? SO GOOD! It’s quickly becoming one of my favorite podcasts.

    Also, this happened this week:

  32. I am now living in a new country (Hungary) I am sort of volunteering and sort of just drinking and eating… i miss my dogs but I am enjoying the adventure

  33. My biggest accomplishment this week has been calling my clients. I hate making phone calls, and luckily this only comes around once a year, but I have called 27 people in 3 days. I still have 12 calls left to make, but I think this is pretty good for someone who dislikes talking on the phone!

  34. Just popping back in to say that I just saw something about Evan Rachel Wood on twitter, and I thought it said Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual, even tho it did not. Brainwashing for the greater good achieved! :D

  35. I feel really really good recently. I went to SPX last Saturday (small press comics convention) to help a publisher table, have my own work at my school illustration department’s table, and also buy a bunch of books and comics myself. It was honestly the best con experience I’ve ever had. One of my favorite cartoonists bought a zine I did and said she thought it was beautiful, and when my classmate who was working at the table told me later I seriously could have died. I can’t emphasize how much I love her work. I got to talk to her for a while later, which was basically us just complimenting each other and being excited about a new graphic novel she’s doing and it was ridiculous.

    Everything was just so good! I didn’t even get to see all the tables I wanted to because there just wasn’t enough time, there are so many more people I wanted to buy from and say hi to. I am honestly a really, extremely shy person who hates small talk, but I think I hate it less after that weekend. It was both a professional and personal milestone for me. Everyone was so sweet and kind and said nice things about the tiny zine I handed out to them. (And also this really well known cartoonist who’s a recent alum of my school came by our table on Sunday apparently and bought a bunch of comics including mine, and when I heard about it I died again)

  36. I’ve only posted on these maybe twice before, and I always feel kind of weird about it because I’m not a regular contributor and don’t want to ask things of this community without having first *given* things.

    But here I am and here are the good things that happened this week!

    I made some fab zucchini pancakes.

    I got an email from one of the editors of a magazine I sent a story to that said story had made it into their “maybe” pile (I’m still unpublished, and also I work at a literary magazine and know firsthand what sorting through the slush pile is like, so even if they don’t publish it this was a really big deal for me).

    I got to hang out with someone who started out as my professor and is now a mentor and a dear friend, and there was a delicious cupcake involved (I’m really into carbs and also parentheses, in case you couldn’t tell).

    I cleaned out the filters in both of my dehumidifiers, vacuumed, and cleaned the bathroom in my apartment like an actual adult.

    Thinking about myself as a queer person is finally starting to feel more normal and less scary. Witness the fact that I feel comfortable enough to say this in a public place on the Internet.

    • Zucchini pancakes sound great!
      Also, I hear you so hard on how weird it is initially to identify as queer, even on the Internet when probably no one even knows you?!
      So congrats on that! And congrats on the literary magazine, too, that’s awesome!

    • The first maybe is a big deal!
      After the first maybe comes the first yes! (Though not necessarily immediately.)
      I don’t know how to make zucchini pancakes but I know how to eat them and I think I might go buy a zucchini and learn now.

  37. Right now, I’m super grateful for it being the weekend, because on Wednesday I went out to celebrate my friend’s birthday and we somehow decided it would be a good idea to walk 1.5 hours home, instead of just crash on somebody’s floor?

    Anyway, spoiler alert, it wound up taking THREE hours!! But amazingly, I wasn’t bored or in pain at all, just kind of exhausted, considering it was 06:30 (the time I usually get up) when I went to bed.
    So, I’m grateful for National Holidays and weekends!

    Also, grateful for having new friends who can call me at 11 PM to talk about phone bills and switch on the video briefly to show me them eating pizza, and have it not be weird at all.

    This week was a bit of a mixed bag, because I found out some of my co-teachers aren’t super satisfied with me, even though, to my face, they’re really lovely. I was kind of angry and upset initially, but now I’m just determined to win them all over and force myself to be better. It’s hard not to take it personally, but I’m learning!

  38. I’m kind of late to the party BUT this is my first actual post here after almost 3 years of being a registered lurker and even longer of being a regular ol’ lurker.

    I just wanted to share how grateful I am for my super-progressive university right now. I knew I was going to love it when the first thing they did during orientation week all those months ago was give us gender pronoun stickers for our name badges. I’m working as a graphic designer on campus and my very first job was making gender pronoun buttons for LGBT history month. I wear a rainbow ribbon and a BLM ribbon around on my backpack every day, and so do a bunch of other people! One of my professors is an awesome dapper queer lady who specializes in sociology, criminology, and systems of oppression! There are regular discussions about how to combat racism and sexism and homophobia and transphobia and everything else horrible in the world! Our women’s institute is doing a film series on awesome issues and an undocumented student shared her story during a panel after one film and people were just interested in how to help undocumented people and other immigrants in Pittsburgh!!

    It’s seriously an amazing paradise that I never knew existed. Just being in such a diverse and inclusive environment has been revitalizing.

    Also, people walk their dogs on campus all the time. I got to pet five dogs yesterday. One tiny dog kept chewing on the leash of a bigger dog and it. was. so. cute.

    • Omg. Not only is all of that seriously cool as hell, but YOU GOT TO PET FIVE DOGS. That. ….. I need to be there rn, too. DOGS!!!!!!!

  39. I’m due to return to my real life on Monday, after having been out of the country for over three weeks.
    I traveled so much, I feel like a year has gone by..
    Coming back from a lengthy or far away trip always means looking at your life from the outside for a few, precious days, before the blindness of routine sets back in.
    I’m kind of sad, yet glad to return?
    Also, I’m trying to figure out what I want to change, what routines I want to drop, what I want and need to do more of.
    Like, I really want to be awake for things, not stumble through my days, forcing myself to endure yet another step and another hour and overdosing on coffee until I finally get to go home, only to not go to bed.
    Also, I want to watch more shows on netflix and amazon.
    Work out more, run regularly, cook regularly!
    Invite friends over for a dinner/videonight every Sunday during the winter.
    To make the time for all of these prestigious goals, I’m going to have to find a way to limit my internet consumption drastically.
    Also, I’ve been googling recipes and crock pots.
    I don’t know, there’s always a part of my brain that’s online somehow.
    I kind if wish to return to the real life a bit more.
    I will google an app for that tomorrow.
    A Sparrow.
    I figured it would be a tiger or a lion, or a hawk or an eagle, but Pottermore knows me better than a lot of people do, I guess.
    I’m the lady that always crumbles her cookies for the little suckers.

    • This cookie crumbling sounds just what I’d expect of you after having enjoyed your posts for sometime. Sparrows, the most beautiful of birds.

  40. I’m sooooo tired rn, but: I survived my first week of this new job. And today I bought cookies for the office. And they’ve already heard my Creepy Voice, proving once and for all that no, I apparently really can’t be normal.

    It’s been an ok week, ups and downs, weird feelings, etc. Tomorrow im going to the book festival at the Inner Harbor, and Sunday im vending at a flea market in the Mt Vernon-ish area. I’m packing my rolling suitcase with things im hoping to get rid of, as well as art and zines and my fancy new business cards.

    Last Saturday was SPX,which, as usual, was amazing and fun and inspiring, and im totally going to work on comics and submit to things and table there next year.

    Once I figure out how to not be wiped out after work. I mean, it’s an office job; why am I so tired???

    I think I might have a headache from too much sugar today. I had my fair share of cookies. But they were delicious and warm and magical, so if this is from that, then I accept the headache. Bc mmmmmmmm those cookies.

    I’m gonna go be a potato now. <3

    • Oh!! I was at SPX on Saturday too! I was tabling sometimes/attending/had stuff at my school’s collective table. It was really great, wasn’t it? I feel like this one was the best small press con experience I’ve had so far.

  41. My accomplishment of the week is that I had to prepare a bunch of stuff for an important meeting at work, and after the meeting my boss told me I did a good job!

    I’m celebrating “fall” tonight even though it’s literally 95 degrees here by drinking whiskey and ginger ale. That’s a ~fall~ beverage, right?

    Hope everyone has a good weekend! I’m getting so excited for camp next week :)

  42. Are those cats on the raft going cliff jumping later because I just watched a few hours of gainers and now I’ve got a peaceful easy feeling! Those guys make it look so easy. My desire to actually jump off a cliff is not very high but these videos backed with party tunes are definitely soul satisfying to watch. Reminds me of my snowboarding days and those videos I watched.

  43. Hey Carmen, hey y’all I got announcement

    Saturday, Semptember 24, 2016 is Free Museum Day

    The best way to appreciate that day is look through the list of participating museums and find the coolest most expensive one that’s still expensive even with a student, senior or military discount.
    And bring a buddy because one ticket provides for 2 people.

    For NOLA in my view that’d be the Ogden Museum of Southern Art. And because I have a love-on for WII tech and undying eternal love for my gal Sal the National WWII Museum, but uh some people find that incredibly grim or boring. Still the Ogden is so cool, they have George Rodrigue original paintings from before the Blue Dog era and all sorts of stuff. Sculpture, pottery, multimedia art done on homemade canvas and wood scraps. Last time I was there they had this wedding dress statute made of broken plates.
    Just so much interesting stuff y’all.

    Personal life:
    But now it’s a long ass process of allergy elimination that could take years.
    My course work hasn’t drowned me, I got and accepted a freelance job offer.
    Um something super cute…smoal dog curled up around my butt like it was a pillow or a fellow pupper in a puppy pile. My heart melted even though my space was invaded and my butt was kinda naked but kinda of covered by blanket layers. New nick name for smoal dog is INVASIVE SPECIES.
    All smoal cute dogs that aren’t sporting or working dogs are already Little Evolutionary Cuckoo Birds so that isn’t a new nickname.

    I discovered a Hozier song I really like, Into the Woods Somewhere, I listened to it so many times the ads are now all in english and about make up/make up gurus. What does that imply about Hozier fans? I kinda miss the Spanish language ads about house hold cleaning supplies I got after marathoning Bomba Estéreo’s Soy Yo.
    I swear I’m gunna learn that little girl’s dance routine and do it in this outfit I wore when my hands were swollen and not super useful. There’s camo, a serious Marvel character made cartoony cute, hammer time worthy sweats and crocs. Ugly crocs that look like Florida Gators fan wear.

  44. Oh I missed the main comments rush! But here I am! Late but not never!

    I’m in PDX at my friend’s house bc I’m going to a training on EMDR which is this thing they do to resolve trauma in your neurology, which is sort of bonkers but also works, and I will DO IT and will be SO MANY KINDS OF HELPFUL TO MY CLIENTS.

    But forreal tho having more tools to help my sweetie queerdo clients is super rad.

    Otherwise my babe gets back from her work trip shortly and then I get to hang out with her, and that is excellent.

    And I dunno, I feel pretty proud of myself for being at a trauma training, but otherwise I feel like I have been doing a pretty good job of, I dunno, being realistic about what I’m going to get done? Which seems silly but it’s like if I know I’m not gonna bring lunch then just know that and don’t stress, just do what you know is gonna work and let the other shit go.

    Happy weekend babes!

  45. It’s Saturday morning, so I’m late to this Friday Open Thread, but inspired by the idea of listing my accomplishments for the week. This summer has been so rough that sometimes it’s hard to find any accomplishments to recognize, thanks for the idea. I got through this week without yelling at anyone. I made it to work every day. I got the kids to school on time, oh and they were clean, dressed and fed too! I have been putting off a work task for months, but I finally started it this week and it’s not that hard!

    Oh, and summer is over now, so hopefully my hard summer is over, and we can move on to a graceful joyous fall.

  46. Bit late to the party, but as my family follows all my social media (which I’m normally pro – I love my family and it means they can keep up with me when I can’t ring all the time) this is my only space for chatting and working things out at the moment.

    So, I guess I’m super grateful for autostraddle right now? I’ve been working out that I’m bi over the last few months and can’t really say how helpful coming here has been – I’ve been reading things obsessively. When the AE news broke I upgraded my account instantly – this has been my personal compass in the middle of a lot of confusion and not knowing the way, and I want to help make sure that other people have those spaces. I didn’t use AE but I’m sure it had the same impact on many.

    In terms of accomplishments I’m having a painfully busy work life at the moment coupled with my mother being very seriously ill, with a side serving of ‘what’s my sexuality?’ And I’m proud to have got through it, at an ok standard too, at least for now. Everything is so up in the air, but now I have a few days off, I’m celebrating an anniversary with my boyfriend who was the first person I came out too – last week, and has been a wonderful port in the storm through all of the above. I’m going home to see my mum and and old friend. And I came out to my best friend overseas. That’ll be it for now in the coming out game, I think, but I feel better and more ‘myself’ than I have in a long time.

    So thank you for all be great and handing over a map I could use.

  47. Hi! I’m running a 10k tomorrow and currently debating with myself whether I should move to the ends of the earth for an amazing opportunity.

    But I’m afraid of being lonely forever because not very many people live there.

    I know. It’s a very uncool thing to worry about.

    Does anyone know how to make tinder believe I am in another place? Or any other suggestions on how to remotely scope out queer women from across the continent? :)

    • In my experience OKC is the best! You can manually change your location and write on your profile that you’re planning to move there in x amount of time :)

      Good luck, whatever you decide to do! :)

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