FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Make Up Your Own Holiday!!!

?Happy Friday to all of you, my friends!!!!

Hi, I’m so sorry to yell, but I missed you so much! How the heck are ya? Over here in my life, the school year is almost over, it’s springtime in Texas, I’m genuinely living my best ethical ho life, and there are bluebonnets blooming everywhere. I’ve also been doing some serious learning and growing; I’m earnestly apologizing more often and practicing being vulnerable with my friends. I feel all over the place and sometimes out of control, but it means that I’m moving and growing! And like, damn, what a roller coaster! Good thing I love roller coasters, though, right?

Texas wildflowers someone brought me for a brunch I recently hosted ??

But anyway, today is my one of my favorite days of the year. April 20th, aka 420. It’s an entirely made up holiday, but I love it so much, and it got me thinking that I bet if y’all made up your own holidays that they would be hilarious and amazing and that I would love reading about them. So tell me, if you could make up a holiday, what would it be? When would it be? What would you celebrate? What would you do? Is there a traditional costume? A traditional recipe? Tell me everything! Use your ✨imagination✨ and come up with something amazing!

Or don’t! Maybe you want to tell me about your week, your plants, or how you’re spending 420? I want to know everything that you want to tell me because I love reading your comments so, so, much! I mean that! I love reading everything you write, so I can’t wait to see what you’ve got to say to me! I bet your holidays are gonna be so good!

And if you celebrate, happy 420 pals! Blaze it.


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Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 330 articles for us.


  1. I Got Enough Chocolate To Make Ganache Frosting Day.

    I’ve Still Got Congri Day

    Any Day But Today for I am doing a rush job using a very twitchy “software” and wish my state didn’t have the harshest penalties for MJ in all 50 states (last time I checked) but knowing me the active ingredient would give me a panic attack or something distinctly unchill.

    My ER bill from 2016 is almost paid off.

    Ooh there we go another one My ER Bill Is 100% Paid Off Day

    There’s an attempt to make September 14th National Lemon Curd Day, I think I could celebrate that too.

      • Making congri feels like it’s own holiday. That day and the day after would have to have some Celia Cruz and Buena Vista Social Club for music. Probs some salsa moves for a dance done at the stove during the active cooking part, maybe some rum based cocktail or lime-aide during the simmer part.

        I’ve Still Got Congri Day salsa on the way to the microwave and in front the microwave as an act of thanksgiving.

        Alaina there are lemon festivals I just checked, but I dunno what they’re like.

        How to celebrate Lemon Curd Day

        (Optional) wear yellow (b/c SOME of us don’t look great in yellow)

        Listen to music that makes you feel like divine royalty

        Make and consume lemon curd, or just consume not everyone is maker and some recipes are terrible

        Anyone want a microwave lemon curd recipe by the way?

        I’m probably going to celebrate paying off my ER bill at last with some cheesecake I made for Easter and frozen like a smart little bunny.

  2. Yesterday I celebrated “Turning in my Thesis Proposal Day” by going to the thrift store and getting a huge cookbook for cookies, having a delicious donut, and walking around on one of the first nice days of spring!
    I come up with lots of “holidays” for myself to celebrate with making nice meals and watching good movies/shows. In exactly a month is the holiday for my “First Day of Therapy” 9th anniversary, usually I celebrate by taking myself out for dinner, but this year I’ll be at A Camp on that day so that’s pretty damn perfect!!!
    I am very much looking forward to this semester ending, I have a lot left to do but I just don’t want to do any of it. So tired!

  3. You know, I’m just realizing, that so much has been going on, that I can’t possibly fit all of this into a FOT post.
    I’ll just say this, this week I bought a postcard that said,”The Point of Life is Life” and I bought it to put it on my fridge, because having given the matter some thorough thought and harrowing experience, that’s the Card that will go onto my fridge on the subject.
    And I’m sneaking a day or two here and there, sometimes a moment or many, to just fist pump at the reason that I’m alive, the sun is shining, the newest episode of Star Trek is on, whatever.
    It’s something hard fought for for the most of us, life is, so yes, to all the self proclaimed Holidays.


    I’m… single now. My ex fiancee called on Tuesday, and I went to their place Wednesday night and stayed till Thursday night.

    I cried a lot and apologized a lot. They say we should be friends, bc they don’t want to lead me on or give me false hope. I’ve told them I love them, that i want to fight for Us. They’d say “I know” and “I love you, too.”

    I talked to their mom, who’s an angel. “She’s a slow healer, honey. Give her time,” she said. She also said, “We [their family] don’t throw people away.” And told me I’m a good, caring, special person, and i deserve to take care of myself. To take it one moment at a time.

    Neither of us had communicated clearly, and that’s… what did this. When i yelled, bc I was in pain, it triggered my ex. That felt like a dagger to my heart, knowing I’d done smthg like that.

    They say they need time. “I’m afraid that when I do get over the feelings that we won’t be in a place in our lives to get back together. Or that the feelings will never go away.” They say they’ll see a therapist.

    I asked them to remember this is our first big fight, and that we’ve gotten past all the others before.

    I cried before leaving. My ex wanted the promise ring back, and they then handed me the box with my engagement ring. I broke down. My ex offered to keep it until i was “ready”, along with all my stuff they’d packed into a cardboard box.

    The lyft was coming in 2 minutes. I told them I love them, and they said “I love you, too.” I asked if they love me enough to work through this, and they said they don’t know, that I’ve got to give them time. Their voice sounded in pain. We held each other with our foreheads touching.

    My heart aches. All i can do is give them time, and work to rebuild the trust between us. I’ve never prayed, but I’ve been praying. I want them to come to see that we can do this, we can be a couple, a happy and healthy one. I miss them so much it hurts. I miss how easy things used to feel between us.

    I never want to hurt them like this again, and i promised I never would. I never want to feel this pain, myself, ever again. My heart aches constantly. I miss everything, including the sex and the kink. I want them back, and the uncertainty is scary.

    I pushed a little hard, trying to let them know I’ll fight for this, and my friend Vanessa texted me, “SHE KNOWS!! You’re over here, guns blazing. Don’t scare the deer. Feed the forest.”

    And my ex’s mom, so gently, texted me after I told her my ex doesn’t know if the love is enough, “One day at a time honey….forgive YOURSELF…”

    I feel so strongly we can get back together and be better than ever, and only time will tell. I know that they need time. I know that i need time. But the ache is so intense, and I want to hope without hoping too hard. I don’t want to feel this heartbreak with them again…

    • SO sorry to hear you’re going through this. It sounds like to me, just a mere outsider, that your ex knows that you want her back very clearly. I know that you know that, but I think that by giving her space, you will increase the odds of getting her back, if that is what SHE wants. I without a doubt, know that that this one of the most painful feelings, but maybe if there is any chance, to SHIFT your attention on something that matters to you> Is there an activity that they didn’t enjoy doing that now you can enjoy doing on your own. Did you ever watch “This is Water”.. google it. It’s a speech by David Foster Wallace, that I have listened to several times. It reminds me of the power of choice and while it specifically isn’t about breakups, it is about perspective. Sending you good thoughts and light. Lots of light!

  5. I’m doing research on Patricia Highsmith for a project. What’s your favorite Patricia Highsmith biography?

    • I’ve heard very good things about the Joan Schenkar biography, though I’ve not read it myself.

  6. I can’t think of a holiday I would make up as most of what I come with are already a thing. It would probably then be an intersection of pride meets poc & minority religion day? I dunno. I am work right now just had some mango hemp-ade(no cbd or thc to get one high) and it’s fairly good. My friend mary in the form of live resin is also with me(be a good lunch today). Thank you Alaina & autostraddle for this space.

    How’s everyone’s week? I am right now getting over a cold and missed a day and half at work this week because of it. I did sleep well thanks to pm cough syrup. But at the same token was suppose to meet up my gal pal(girl im seeing) last night, but she understandably didn’t want to catch what I have; so Im patiently waiting until Sunday(I think) to see her. She kept texting me she misses me and sending kissing faces and I sent her animal gifs and kind words. I am a big ol queer for stuff like that & of course for her. Help?

    I spent my Saturday night watching Girls Trip, which I really digged. And of course Queen Latifah was just great as always(side note: my gal pal has UNITY tattoo on her forearm in the same font as the album). Then Sunday spent time with a relative. We went to this spirtual healer and family therapist for mediation. We weren’t able to do a mikveh(Jewish ceremenial cleansing bath), but still a nice time. We were all partaking in CBD. One word of advise she gave was keep your heart open like a rose, which really stuck to me. Afterwards we went to watch the sunset. It was as good way to end the day.

    Enjoy the sunset if that’s your thing

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive and safe weekend.

    P.S. if you are partakng today vitamin C can be good for anxiety and paranoia in my limited testing. Mangoes(fresh and dried) can enhance the feelings you have and I think has vitamin c in it too. Kava tea also pairs well too.

  7. International Five Day Weekend, Two Day Work Week would totally be a thing if I ruled the world!

    I drove to the beach for my driving lesson yesterday. Part of the route took me to the top of a hill, where we could look down and see the town and sea all spread out below us and it was a lovely day – great moment. Of course, once we got to the seaside, all we did was have me drive back again, without stopping!

    Unfortunately me and THC don’t mix. And I’m not in a position to partake in anything even slightly dodgy, due to my job.

  8. Okay, yes, my calendar does say it’s April 20th. The weather outside says it’s January 109th. There was snow on the ground this morning. There were white out conditions yesterday. I am beginning to think that spring is a cruel false mockery of an idea of a season and not a real thing at all.

    Also, I am really starting to feel like the adults in the beginning of the second Frosty movie singing about how much they hate snow. Because. I’m there. I’m one with them, spiritually. (Albeit it’s not the snow I hate so much as this UNENDING COLD. I just want some warm weather. I would settle for like, 45 degrees at this point??? Maybe, MAYBE some sunlight. Also for these storm fronts to stop assaulting my brain with the barometric pressure changes bc I have had So Many migraines.)

  9. I just couldn’t wait to celebrate 420 so my girlfriend and I accidentally made ourselves super high on Wednesday. The last two days have work have been interesting. I’m definitely not at my peek performance so I’ll have to avoid getting that high in the future.

    There are some beautiful tulips on the campus where I work. This is my first spring living in Seattle and the flowers and new growth are 100… amazing for me!

    • Seattle springs are glorious. Being outside lately makes me totally euphoric. I’m excited for you experiencing it for the first time!

  10. Starz has decided to cancel “Ash vs Evil Dead”. Lucy Lawless probably had this to say about it.

  11. hey y’all! big news — aries season came through for me with the promotion i was shooting for and i’m now the editor-in-chief of my college newspaper! i’ve been working here since fall quarter of my freshman year so it’ll be really rewarding to spend my senior year in the corner office.
    the sun is finally, finally here to stay and picnic day, uc davis’ campus-wide open house that also happens to be the day-drinking event of the year for students, is this weekend. truly, is there anything better than drinking wine out of a klean kanteen on the grass on a sunny day? there is not.
    i love all of my classes and all of my professors this quarter. four english classes is… A Lot of reading but i’m not too upset about it.
    anyhoo, life is going really really well right now!! sending good energies out into the universe for everyone else to share.

  12. I submit to you all that July 16th should be Theatrical Battle Day. On July 16th, those who are so inclined should go outside and do fictional battle with each other. They can choose any weaponry, material or wholly imagined, and use any powers they care to conjure, including but not limited to Hadouken or Magic Missile. The only rule is that whatever you do, you have to be really, really INTO IT. Go ahead, completely sell out on that drop kick. Toss your battle buddy through the air (assuming they’re OK with that and they know how to land). Bonus points for recruiting others. Child participation encouraged.

    I can imagine some people would get really into it and try to recreate particular battles from history or media, perhaps even in costume. I’m not talking about Civil War re-enactors, here…I’m talking Xena vs. Callisto on the ladders-grade commitment.

  13. Was just scrolling through the home page and noticed I have never dropped a comment before in the Open Thread. So here I am dropping one saying hey to everyone. Hope you are all awesome.

    May 6, I can’t wait for Vida to premiere on Starz. TV is ready to feed me with more lesbianing and I am excited.

  14. Not much is happening in my life at the moment, outside of another semester coming to a close (only two more to go… assuming I don’t screw up one of my classes…). I just sent my tweet the try for the PP campership on offer. Hopefully it’s set up so it’s visible (this is only the 3rd tweet I’ve sent out, so I have no idea at all). Oh, and earlier today I finally got some old credit card debt paid off once and for all. Outside of that, I’m wishing I could afford some edibles this 420, but it’s not important.

  15. hi everyone! i’m a long time lurker and first time commenter. so to update you on what’s up in my life, i have been heartbroken for two years after a breakup with my long distance partner. however, recently i have been talking almost everyday with someone who also live in a different city! it feels good but also confusing because i am finding myself to have intense feelings for someone whom i’ve never even met! (we’ll meet in a month!). also this person is so much more interesting than me, i’m afraid they’ll be very disappointed once they meet me.

    anyways, it felt good getting that off my chest! hope yr weekend will be beautiful and sparkling.

  16. I’m not sure if this was reported elsewhere on the site (If it was, I can’t find it.), but here’s a synopsis of Janelle Monae’s “Dirty Computer” emotion picture.
    “While Dirty Computer is reason enough to get excited all on its own, Monáe is releasing a nearly hour-long “emotion picture” that will begin a new story about a woman on the run from an authoritarian government in a dystopian future, where people labeled “deviants” have their memories forcibly removed. The woman, played by Monáe, sets out on a journey to find her love interest (played by Tessa Thompson) and each music video included in the film represents one of the missing memories.”

  17. I submit for your consideration April 3rd, the day that our lord and savior Hayley Kiyoko arrived on this planet.

    Also, question for you all. My daughter texted me to say that she was participating in the national student walk out to end gun violence. I texted back to be safe and not to take drugs from strangers. Good mom or bad?

  18. Free Comic Book Day is a pretty great holiday. Sometimes it falls on my birthday! Which makes it extra fun.

    Y’all I got a job offer this week. And I had a really great date last weekend. And the tree outside my window is blooming pink. Things are looking up.

  19. This evening I will be celebrating ‘one more exam down’ day. Ideally this would be a whole-day celebration, for all of tomorrow, but there’s too much on at once for that to work out…

    I’ve had a fairly average week really. I’m stuck with that ‘the break is now suddenly over and all the assessments are upon us’ feeling. I’m the only one of our friend group who moved to this city to study, and although I’ve found friends and allies, it’s stranger than I expected to suddenly have less contact with other gay girls… when I’m more on top of the workload, hopefully I’ll reach a point where I can celebrate ‘anniversary of finally getting out to the local gay scene’ day. But not there yet, alas.

  20. Today is my birthday! It’s been a fairly non-eventful day, but I’m hopefully going to see some friends for drinks tonight. We’ll see who comes vs. who prioritizes 420. (I don’t smoke – I’m prone to anxiety, and it’s not a good combo.) I just hope some people come.

    In college, my friends and I ended each year with a made-up holiday called Farewelcome Week. It involved going to museums, getting super dressed up to drink cheap alcohol in someone’s apartment, picnicking by the lake, and other fun activities. We ended the week with a ritual where we wrote down everything from the past year that we wanted to leave behind and then burned what we had written. That tradition was so meaningful to me – so any holiday I made up would have to involve ritual burning.

    • Happy birthday! That ritual sounds a fun yet meaningful thing to do – never need an excuse to dress up :) hope you have a lovely celebration surrounded by people who matter!

  21. long time listener first time caller…
    not smoking weed but happily drinking in bed with sweet sweet housemates and spontaneously cut off many inches of my hair?
    I like holidays that aren’t set to one day but are just celebrations of good and beautiful things in ur life when they come up and when you or the people you love need them.

  22. Hi everyone! International Hammock Day. Also, Fresh Homemade Bread Day. Pajama Day, possibly upgraded to Pajama Bike Ride Day (have done once, would do again). Reading Party Day (favorite book, comfy bed/hammock/couch, fuzzy blanket, hot chocolate, favorite person with their favorite book that you can play footsie with and read the funny/interesting bits out loud to). Silly Nicknames Day.

    Dissertation Submitted With Committee Signatures Day was awesome. (Hang in there Alaina and everyone else working on theses/dissertations/other projects!)

    Also, this lady is my new hero:

    This evening I got to go for a bike ride with my husband and daughter. We hooked her tandem bike to the back of his bike and every time one of us passed the other we made “pew pew pew!” noises. It was great.

    Have a great weekend, everybody!

  23. i have two anecdotes to share:

    1. due to a debilitating bout of depression, I asked for my hours to be changed so I can come in later. Now I work a closing shift.

    Yesterday, one of my former students, who is now three, and as exuberant as ever, couldn’t find me on her way out the door. She always hugs me goodbye.

    From the bathroom, I heard her yelling:

    “where’s Mickey?? Momma, where’s Mickey???”

    (I ran out just in time for her to literally leap into my arms)

    2. Right now I work in an infant 3 room, which is for babies aged 12 to 18 months. After they leave my room, and adjust to their New Teachers, I become the most mortifying person they’ve ever met until they’re, like, two and a half. Then I’m super great again, and they wave when they see me in the halls.

    But before then? I say “hi!!”, and am greeted w the toddler equivalent of the “i don’t know her” gif.

    I try not to take it personally.

    But with Zach, it stung. He was the first baby I held when I started working at the center. He was two months old, and impossibly small, and he fell asleep on my shoulder.

    In my class, he would laugh So Hard when we sang the baby bumblebee song. He’d yell “NO WAY” at the funny parts in storybooks. He’d stomp around like a monster with me or do the twist while I sang The Wiggles.

    And today, after literally five straight months of ignoring me, Zach danced with me again,

    and asked to be picked up,

    and laughed when I dangled him upside down, like we used to,

    and when his dad came, ran back to give me a hug goodbye,

    AND a kiss.

    straddlers: my heart is full

    • basically : for everyone else, this might be 4/20,

      but for Me, it is April 20, 2018, The Day Zachariri-Zacharoo Danced With Me Again, And I Cried Bc Life Is So Fleeting,

      Cherish Every Hug Day

  24. Hey guise I need to show someone this

    And this:

    There’s 22 more, I want to credit the artist but I’m scared she’ll turn out to be a terf and I’ll be leading someone to upsetting nonsense where there should be love, joy and dancing goddess tiddies.

    Once upon a time I could shake my underpants back up on to my butt, I haven’t tried it since I “took ill”. So I just now tried it, can still do it I’m delighted.

    National Shake Your Ass Day could be a wonderful holiday.

    “Don’t need to twerk it, baby just werk it.” that would be the slogan. It could be on t-shirts and as a repeating pattern printed on like a scarf or something for people to tie around their hips.

    Or a total fucking disaster because this is the country where sacred regalia became trendy music festival attire. And Miley Cyrus dear god I’ve seen and heard plenty of embarrassing things but seeing her trying to be rachet just…I don’t even have words. Never have I wanted to just melt into the floor watching someone else.

      • It’s an acronym: Trans Exclusionary Radical Fuckups

        Womyn born womyn exclusionists who are all about the cis-ters and fuck you if you trans*

        • I know what “terf” means. Trans exclusionary radical feminist–not “fuckups”. I’m asking why you’re using this term for this person.

          • See I’m trying to figure out if this 100% bait but I’m too tired and cranky to tread all careful like right now so here I go once more in the breech

            1) I did not call the unnamed person a terf

            a) I said ” I’m scared she’ll turn out to be a terf” that’s literal quote I copied and pasted just now

            b) My first encounter of terf-ness was in neo-pagan fluffiery of the middle 00’s with goddess types and it left an impression

            c) They came in 2 flavours binary as fuck sex essentialists and womyn supremacist

            2) Okay sure ya caught me the official definition uses “feminist” but I like fuckups better because terfery is not feminism, it’s a fuck up.

            a) Your screen name seems familiar do come to AS and try to fight people on the inclusion of trans* folks a lot or something?

            3) All this could have been avoided if I wasn’t all jittery chatty rather than thinky from my meds last night and just linked to the artist with a disclaimer I dunno if this person transphobic or something but then again if you’re someone who wants to start a scuffle or some shit nothing can stop you other refusing to engage you which is what I’m going to do after posting this.


          • What I’m doing is questioning the idea that an artist’s work ought to be rejected/avoided, despite the fact that you like it, on some shaky basis that you have not articulated.

            No, I don’t fight. I question.

  25. I don’t celebrate 420. I don’t have anything against it but I can’t partake without setting myself on a trajectory of destroying my life. Let’s just say, before 420 was a thing, I celebrated it a lot in my young age.

    Not much going on here. Today I was at a gas station, and there were two white middle-aged men with handguns holstered on their hips. Where I live that’s really an everyday thing. But it still scares the hell out of me. When I’m at a gas station and there’s a white guy there with a gun, which happens more times than you would think possible, it doesn’t make me feel safe. Then if any black men drive up I really get scared. Because I think the white guy is going to start shooting because loud music scared him or something. I’m a middle-aged white woman and white men with open carry guns scare the crap out of me. I’m not afraid of crime at the grocery store or any other everyday place and honestly, don’t know why people find it necessary to be packing a gun to buy milk.

    On the plus side, I’m watching my puppy, that I’m co-parenting with my best friend, prance around the house switching from one chew toy to the next. I’m taking her on a picnic and a hike this weekend. I’m the fun mom that lets her lay on the couch and feeds her veal scraps. Not a lot of scraps, but she gets to sample whatever I’m cooking. Don’t worry, I don’t give her spicy foods or unhealthy foods. Just little treats.

    So, enjoy your weekend kids.

  26. Yesterday I celebrated 2 holidays:

    1) It’s the First Non-Winter Day in Chicago so Everyone Sits Outside As Much as Possible Day


    2) National First Sunburn of the Year Day which was, of course, directly related to #1.


  27. I’m a bit late to the party, but here I am, and o need to tell someone but I don’t want to post on fb groups they might be in, etc etc

    I split up with my boyfriend and girlfriend. At the same time. They are married and live together, so they still have each other and I’m out here keeping a brave face on for my kids.

    We spent three years together, yet my mum keeps giving me pep talks about how poly could never work etc, which isn’t the situation.

    I’m over in the gay end of bi at the moment, where I can’t imagine being with a man again, but things might change.

    I also think ive turned effectively almost asexual since my meds were changed six months ago.

    Plus I think I’m some kind of gender fluid or something.

    All the feelings, and identity crises. Any tips very welcome.

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