FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Hi I Wanna Celebrate Your Accomplishments As Nasty Woman Praxis

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Hey there, fashionable and/or ironic sweaters worn in perfect autumn weather! Welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread, a space in which we come together to swap sewing patterns and praise false idols. JK! It’s actually just a post we all comment on with pictures of our pets and loved ones, updates about our week, and stories of lore from years past. But also, if you have a solid crop top pattern and wanna teach me how to sew it and also supply me with the materials and machinery, well, come the fuck on down.

Anyway, hi! Hello! It’s been so long since we talked, lemon squares with a special place in my heart. I missed you! Here’s some rapid fire updates about my life: I think my fall aesthetic might be “retired athlete,” I think museum gift shops might be my Achilles’ heel, and in the last month I have seen basically every person I ever met ever on the east coast without even getting on a plane. It’s been solid! I own a lot of Andy Warhol soup can products right now! The sound of silence that fills my room when I’m not expected to be anything to anybody in my own space is an actual delight! I went to Target and they were sold out of six-packs of Evian and I didn’t cry!

The cherry on top of it all, though, is that this week we finished up the final of those three terrible “debates,” or, as I mostly thought of them in my mind, experimental art pieces built by the universe and entitled simply “man-child: a definition in three parts.” Just think, y’all. No more! No more watching Donald Trump look Hillary Clinton in the face and telling her she hasn’t accomplished anything, or that what she has accomplished didn’t have an impact! No more watching Donald Trump gaslight the nation! NO MORE WATCHING DONALD TRUMP EXIST IN ORDER TO ALSO WATCH HILLARY CLINTON EXIST! This is truly a moment to cherish in our hearts, at least until the moment she becomes President and punches him in the face in front of the entire nation.

That being said, I would also like to go on the record and say that I’m still totally obsessed with Trump calling Hillary “such a nasty woman” in a low hushed voice into his mic at the end of that debate Wednesday. Please play that audio clip at my funeral, right before you lower me — in a life-size In N Out animal fries container — into the ground. Afterward, demand a moment of silence in which to savor it as my final send-off. At that moment, unveil my tombstone, which should read the following, in this order, divided not by slashes but by line breaks: “Such a Nasty Woman / :Three Corn Emoji: / It Was Lit Tho.” At this time, it will be dusk. Please weep quietly until it’s the dark of night.

Okay, sorry, that got dark and honestly, I’m here to bring you some light! What I offer you here today is my Anti-Trump Self-Care Service, in which I would like to dote on you until everything feels better. Come on down and tell me about your accomplishments – I won’t belittle them, but I’ll probably tell you how fucking badass you are. Step right up and show off your lewks from the week or shoot me some photos of your fam and chosen fam and puppy fam – I won’t say a negative word about anything and certainly won’t be caught on tape saying something I would try to pretend was never said a decade later in response! You could literally come in here to insult me and I would respond with “you’re great,” but that being said, please don’t do that my ego is more fragile than it seems and your validation matters to me.

Mostly, I just wanna know your life and lift you up. Is that cheesy? Oh well! I’m here, I’m queer, I’m living my truths, and I think you’re the gosh darn best. So hit me with your best shot, nasty folx. I’m here to affirm you endlessly and Make Your Day Great Again.

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Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.


  1. My body kindly waited until my day off to get the most sick I’ve been in 10 years. Vomiting, y’all. so much vomiting. It helped me realize though that it’s the first time I’ve been Actually Sick as an adult and it was far less dramatic than I remember it being as a child. I didn’t even cry once! I also called in sick for today for the first time at work which gave me a fair amount of anxiety, but it all worked out fine.

    Getting buried in an In-N-Out animal fries box gives me so many ideas. I think I would choose a Del Taco deluxe chili cheese fries box, or maybe a Marie Calandar’s pie box? There’s so many choices!

    Speaking of Del Taco, I started getting recognized by the girl that works the 2am drive thru window the other day which I think gives some very important insight into my life.

    • re: the del taco drive thru, this insight into your life makes me feel so much less alone in the world, bless you

      • *Jean Ralphio voice* the woooooorrst. I’m just grateful that I had a plastic trash can to throw up into every time I needed to so it was extremely unpleasant but easy clean up. My worst vomit memories are when I throw up somewhere you are not supposed to throw up (like you’re friend’s parents’ house on their carpeted floor the first time you ever meet them.)

        • I had a chronic, but managed, condition as kid that caused episodes of vomiting where I’d have burst of about 4 heaves per “puke”. Having a portable plastic trash can in every room and blast zone around the one next to my bed is one my rules for how to live.

          So I’m like a professional at being puking sick, wish to commend you having the forethought to use your trashcan rather than run for toilet (so many people do that and I’ll never understand why) and am holding back my worst puking memories because I feel for the eyes of innocents.

          Also I will take this chance to soapbox a bit for the benefit of all because norovirus season is coming. Keep solid small trash can (metal or plastic no weave or wicker) with a disposable plastic line next to your toilet. Never in the case of being sick from both ends get off the toilet to puke in the toilet, use little trash can next to toilet

          *gets off soapbox and retreats back into the shadows*

          • I’m going to get a little TMI and say I definitely had a few moments of utilizing my toilet and the trash can simultaneously. Let’s just say I’m happy I took it everywhere I went.

            I feel for you so hard for having to deal with that shit (no pun intended) on the regular, I’m lucky enough to have to deal with puking very rarely (unless I’ve been drinking, which is related to like a solid 60% of all vomiting episodes.)

        • It’s great isn’t it? Not puking on your lap or what ever it is normal people would do. Portable trash cans and buckets are must haves. It’s nasty job but something’s gotta do it.

          Oh don’t feel too hard, it was childhood condition that I was lucky even enough to have medication with which to manage it, and not have a severe case that required getting nutrition from an IV.

          I don’t experience it anymore, but it shaped me as person in useful ways. I know how to actually take care of myself when sick, which is skill many lack and find themselves in relapse or worse.

    • Speaking of fast food drive-thrus….I saw an adorable woman behind the counter of Taco Bell last Wednesday at 1am. I looked like crap of course (did I mention the late week-night hour?) cause who tries to look cute at the drive-thru? So she looked like she might also be into women and so I got all clammy and nervous and pulled my hair down (cause my Wednesday 1am brain somehow thought messy tangled hair is sexier when it’s down then when it’s pulled back??). It was all so unexpected! Anyway, now I know when she works and I’ll look cuter next time. Can you give your number to someone while you’re in the drive-thru at Taco Bell? Cause I just might…

      • This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read. ALSO the Del Taco 2am drive thru girl is pretty cute too and she has cute glasses and she remembered me because I also have cute glasses so there must be a thing about cute girls working middle of the night jobs?


    This week in nasty womanhood I

    *Made out with a pretty girl last night in an alcove next to a bar downtown for far longer than was appropriate for public places – so nasty, so not sorry

    *VOTED FOR HILARY on my absentee ballot and am now carrying/using/revering the pen I used to end that awful man’s political career EVERYWHERE I GO because the future is female and the future does not have that horrible dude in it

    *Was woken up last night by my fun new ovary, which throbs now every month when I ovulate. Nurses and health care providers, do I have a cyst? Do I have to go to the doctor? Is it a little Trump sitting in my fallopian tube?


    *Discovered that dipping Trader Joe’s iced sugar cookies in vanilla yogurt is a new level of amazing that I can’t get over.

    Love you!

    • Could it be Mittelscherz (one of my favourite words, but totally miserable meaning) – ovulation pain? I get it sometimes but not always.

      Sorry if this an obvious thing you’ve already checked – just thought I’d mention it in case.

      Treat that pen well. It’s a good, nay, a great pen.

      • Maybe so! I love that word! How do you check that? lol

        For the past six months or so I’ve had various ovulation symptoms I never used to have, which I won’t get into all of them here, but including mood swings and pain on only one side – the one side is why I tend to think cyst…

        • I don’t know how you check, I guess I’m always just assumed. Maybe head to your dr and get a scan? I’m UK, but I went to my gp when my periods were all over the place and I had an ultrasound which showed my PCOS – might be worth checking it out?


    • Good for you for extended make out sessions! And I get ovulation pain too, every other month, only one side. I have PCOS though… Hopefully yours is not like that

    • You reminded me to fill out my absentee ballot! So much reading about propositions.

      (Also I am still so afraid of third party voters giving Trump the presidency. So, so afraid.)

  3. It’s my birthday, so family and friends time, and this will a new year I start now knowing something about myself that I have never known – namely, the Badass part of LGBT. :) Thank you again, all. I have been reading a lot of fabulous teen stuff recently that helps with the ‘all the new FEELINGS’ part and have felt a bit calmer as a result.

    In terms of Nasty Woman, I didn’t actually have to be nasty about it, but last year I stated a clear and important strategy for some of our products, and it paid off yesterday. As I work in such a symbiotic team it’s sometimes hard to know whose work has had an effect, but for once I know that something I allocated to time and budget to has 100% paid off. Which is nice as I waste about 30% of my working day worrying that I’m not good at what I’m doing the other 70%.

    Have a lovely weekend all!

  4. After a couple of months of trying to treat myself, I’ve reentered therapy. Now I know, it’s pretty well advised to be in therapy and I don’t want to go into too much detail about it here, but can I talk for a moment about how extraordinarily lucky I’ve been to find a therapist who’s in the know?

    So the place I ended up checking out first seemed, at first glance, like it was super serious business. Professional Helpers. I was skeptical about the whole thing you know because therapy is hard, and I don’t need some professional help givers telling me how I made bad decisions or how I should live my life differently. What I found was exactly the opposite of that. The therapist assigned to my case is great, they’re in the community, have worked thorougly with other trans folk, and is super positive about sex and gender and me getting well. All that and they’re located right next store to my office building. I have therapy during the week on my lunch break. I couldn’t be more prepared to fight off some of my mental demons. I actually look forward to therapy.

    I hope some of you find yourself in a similar situation, because for me I’m tired of fighting solo and there’s definitely help to be had. I don’t to see you go through the problems I have. That said, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, no matter what that includes, and that you treat yourself well. <3

    • you’re amazing and i’m so glad you found a solid therapy situation and you took a big step and it was a brave step and i am proud of you

  5. Well what a whirlwind of a week it has been! This is week 5 of me living in Hungary, and the first week in Budapest. I’m doing a language course for two weeks here and staying at my girlfriend’s place with her parents.

    This is the first time we’ve lived in the same place for 2 or 3 months so I was super excited to get here and then when I did she was in a terrible mood and I got a bit offended that she wasn’t excited and got sad as well… then she cheered up a bit and spent some time with friends, and I was sad because I have no friends in this city and its hard to make them with a language barrier… Then last night I went to a drawing class and met some really cool people! which made me happy, by which time she was sad because living back with her parents has kind of stripped her of the freedom she had before when we were in England together.

    There’s a cool queer club night thing on tonight which I was hoping we could go to (happily) together, but at the moment she’s busy building a box for the dog to pee in (I don’t understand either) and I am feeling pretty drained from school and the miserable weather, but we’ll see!

    TLDR moving in with your girlfriend the week that you both have your period is hard.

    • “moving in with your girlfriend” (and her PARENTS) “the week that you both have your period” sounds like a crash course in advanced-level girlfriending. I so hope all goes well for you!

    • you’re gonna get through this, much like you i assume got through your period


    • We went to the party! and it was so much fun, good music and an awesome venue, and we even met a really chilled dog that sat with us for a while! We ate some cheap and delicious pizza on the way home and now the sun is finally back… I am starting to love this city

    • hey wow i also just moved in with my hungarian girlfriend in budapest! wanna share some feelings and/or be friends? (i have none here either.)
      how long will you be staying here for?
      we also didn’t go to that cool queer club thing (pretty sad how few of those there are haha), because we were pooped after a night of awkward socializing with both our parents meeting each other (!!!). next time though!!

  6. Is it weird I thought your funeral plans were amazing? Probably–but I assure you its in the “I hope this happens never but in the event it does: approve like woah the style”. I’ve mostly been avoiding the debates (except to read them and the fact-checked version) and trying not to pay attention to bigoted family members.

    My cat still has kidney issues–and so I spent much of the week feeling guilty. I suspect that will be on going until I die. So there’s no feeling of badass here, just sort of “I’m still alive and doing the best I can”–which, I think, is sometimes just about as good as anyone can do. If I can’t blame people for having that bar, I shouldn’t berate myself.

    Good things if you love halloween like me here’s an Airbnb contest featuring ‘Dracula’s Castle’. I saw this and like had to fan myself. I also want everyone to submit to win so I have a good chance of living vicariously!

    And in my quest to get to the 2/3 of my novel I finally revised chapter 3 out of the 5 I’ve written. I’m going to count that as a win and make myself feel that it is. Mostly I spend a lot of time going “I am pretty sure this is boring. Oh well!

    I need to find a chill halloween thing in Atlanta and then I’ll consider next week sold.

    • re: my funeral plans, they get even more involved do you wanna know the real full plan as of now, okay

      the funeral itself, like the wake part, where everyone shows up crying because i was the best part of their lives, that event is an open mic dedicated to me as a form of long, drawn-out punishment for those who survive me for having lived longer than i did. the original plan and a solid alternate plan is that instead of being buried in a life-size animal fries container my ashes are put in an actual animal fries container and then, instead of artfully scattered over the sea or whatever, the container is put in a dumpster because i’m a trash baby. there’s also a bit involving me texting someone from my casket, it’s a long story.


      my chill halloween plans, for the record, involve me not leaving the house for the next two weeks because being seen in a costume makes me so anxious i could die la la la

      • I am here for wild funeral plans. Because if something’s gotta happen eventually–you might as well have badass plans. Also, I am sad that I never tried animal fries when on the West Coast so I’ve just had to google it. Twice. And now thats all I want for dinner. Also, I am positive there are apps for scheduling texts…while I don’t know that theres a ‘memento mori’ option… sometime to think about? Any morbid app makers out there?

        Novel Writing = second guessing yourself for six years and annoying all your friends!


        Except I moved recently so I have no one to go to brunch with dressed up in various levels of costumes and wild lipstick. So its fairly likely I will chill and not leave the house for the next two weeks either.

        But I now have to tell the story of the last time I tried to dress up while in school. It was like six years ago, I was a PhD student and I was SO EXCITED and also DESPERATE FOR FRIENDS (but afraid of meeting people because awkward when you might also end up their professor, you know? Professor who was 25 and keeps getting mistaken for a freshman). So I dressed up in one of my outfits I got in Japan, threw on these badass shoes… and … I fell down a hill.

        Snapped one of the shoes, smeared my rare-event-holy-shit-you’re-wearing-make-up and then had to do like what must have looked like a wild walk of shame home. Sufficed to say between that and my failed attempt at bite-and-bleed cupcakes Halloweens could only get better!

        (I also escaped PhD school after finishing the coursework and have been glad for it since)

  7. There’s this Chinese restaurant a block away from my office that has an amazing lunch special – an entree, a soup or egg roll, and rice for $7! That’s very cheap in NYC. It’s a rainy day, but I’m eating egg drop soup, so it’s okay.

    I went to this Broadway for Hillary event on Monday, which was AMAZING. So many amazing performances (Anne Hathaway! Hugh Jackman! Sarah Jessica Parker! Lin-Manuel Miranda! Broadway people you probably don’t know!).


    • i am so jealous of your lunch special situation, i used to get a lunch special at least once a week (veggie lo mein, veggie fried rice, spring roll) and some cheese wontons in addition and watch the darjeeling limited on repeat and it was literally one of the best eras of my short life


    • Egg drop soup yeeeessss. Can I ask where this restaurant is? I’ve lived in Brooklyn for two years and my experience with Chinese restaurants has really been mixed.

      • The Cottage on the UWS. It’s not the best, but it’s cheap. I’m not a fan of NYC Chinese food in general. It’s disappointing.

  8. I am about to catch a train with my partner to go visit my pa in the countryside. I expect the weekend will involve picking sloes and then infusing gin with them, eating the delicious malted cumin bread his gf has made, avoiding their giant dog, and walking through some fields.

    Next week is my last week in a job I’ve been doing for 3 and a half years. I AM SO NERVOUS about change and making new friends and not knowing anything at my new job. And also about my leaving speech – any ideas?

    • When I left my job of 6 years my leaving speech was pretty much “I love you all, but I’m moving back to California. Byeee!”

      In all seriousness, though, changing jobs is HARD! I’m still not over it and I left 2 and a half years ago. Although it was doubly tough because I wasn’t just leaving a job, I was leaving the country as well as my friend base. That’s not super useful, sorry! But I feel for you.

    • i’m assuming you changing jobs is also part of a larger direction for you in which you’re chasing happiness and/or following your feelings and i support that so hard

      and thus, here’s your all-caps affirmation:


  9. I don’t think I accomplished much this week. Although work is getting busier, so I have actually WORKED at work this week. Crazy, right? Well, at least my weekend will be full of (minor) accomplishments:

    -Watching my new Ghostbusters DVD with all those extras and Kate McKinnon goodness.
    -Got my absentee ballot, so in addition to voting for Hillary I will also try to read through the GIANT book of propositions. Yeesh.
    -I’m pretty sure my parents randomly have the STARZ channel now, so I will be binging what there is to binge of Ash Vs. Evil Dead season 2.
    -Casino with my dad, wherein I hope my biggest accomplishment will be winning all the money.

    The rest of my weekend will include snuggling with the cat and being happy that it isn’t raining.

      • Ghostbusters came out here last week and I made sure to get a copy. It’s been sitting on my TV stand for days, torturing me, until I have time to watch the whole thing. I cannot wait to watch it again!


      oh my god propositions terrify me because there’s so many i might pass out when i vote i’m also probably gonna pass out from voting for hillary clinton because it’s literally been a life goal for years

      good luck winning all the money!

  10. hello beauties, nasty women, nasty people of other genders in that ms jackson vs not actually unpleasant way, gay cupcakes, etc.

    I’m in a gay cupcake shop doing worky shit- I have had a bonkers busy week and have a fairly tight game plan to wrap up paperwork this afternoon, but I’m getting a facial and picking up a fancy queer lady director for the film festival this afternoon (Cheryl Dunye! I cleaned the car and scrubbed the floormats because OMG)

    my fall fashion strategy is a lot of pencil skirts and slouchy sweaters/drapey cardigans and boots and tights and pashmina scarves. I need a uniform/if I have to think too hard about my clothes in the morning I’ll never get dressed.

    Otherwise, I’m fine, last week I was in a pretty garbage mood, and this week has definitely been better. I read this thing about how because millenials get told so often that they’re lazy (and because wages are shit) so many millenials are always always hustling (I’m a millenial cusp) and so I’ve been thinking about what I need to do to not ALWAYS be hustling. Like, right now I am sitting in a place with big windows and that feels huge. It’s the little things! Otherwise this means structuring my schedule in such a way that I’m not ALWAYS at my office or in a five block radius of my office (which has like, coffeeshops and grocery stores and stuff, and plus my office has a couch I can lounge and nap on when necessary, but also you know, a person wants to feel like they get let off their leash every once in a while.

    Also I am obsessed with this cute witchy jewelry shop and want to buy all the things you should do that with me guys.

    I don’t have too much else going on, anybody have any good light queer reading recommendations?

    Happy splendid weekend I hope the foliage is excessive and you have all the woolen knitted things you need.

  11. I never write on these things, but I feel like I have to share this somewhere, and this seems like the right place!

    I have severe social anxiety, and I haven’t been on a date in years (and back when I did, I had only very unsuccessfully gone on a couple awkward dates with men I wasn’t all that attracted to). I was always jealous hearing about people being excited to go on a first date, and I couldn’t imagine that ever happening to me. Well, it has. I’m going on a date with a girl who is super attractive and shares all of my interests (biking, vegetarianism, Adventure Time, gardening, feminism, anti-capitalism, cats …okay pretty typical queer girl stuff but still). Did I mention this is the first time I have ever gone on a real first date with a girl, EVER?

    I’m trying to curb my expectations, like stop fantasizing about our life together and bringing her to family dinner and shit, I mean we haven’t even met yet for christ’s sake. I realize there’s no guarantee we’ll hit it off at all, but it’s just blowing my mind that these are even possibilities now. I’ve been alone (and 99% content with it) for so long, that I can hardly imagine the idea of dating someone, let alone a girl. It’s lame but I feel like it’s a pretty major accomplishment that I have even opened up these possibilities for myself. Obviously I’m scared shitless too, but even if it’s a total disaster, I’ll be proud of myself for going through with it at all.

  12. I never write on these things, but I feel like I have to share this somewhere, and this seems like the right place!

    I have severe social anxiety, and I haven’t been on a date in years (and back when I did, I had only very unsuccessfully gone on a couple awkward dates with men I wasn’t all that attracted to). I was always jealous hearing about people being excited to go on a first date, and I couldn’t imagine that ever happening to me. Well, it has. I’m going on a date with a girl who is super attractive and shares all of my interests (biking, vegetarianism, Adventure Time, gardening, feminism, anti-capitalism, cats …okay pretty typical queer girl stuff but still). Did I mention this is the first time I have ever gone on a real first date with a girl, EVER?

    I’m trying to curb my expectations, like stop fantasizing about our life together and bringing her to family dinner and shit, I mean we haven’t even met yet for christ’s sake. I realize there’s no guarantee we’ll hit it off at all, but it’s just blowing my mind that these are even possibilities now. I’ve been alone (and 99% content with it) for so long, that I can hardly imagine the idea of dating someone, let alone a girl. It’s lame but I feel like it’s a pretty major accomplishment that I have even opened up these possibilities for myself. Obviously I’m scared shitless too, but even if it’s a total disaster, I’ll be proud of myself for going through with it at all.

  13. I too, am glad this election is almost at its end. It has been disheartening to read the posts of all the supporters of Trump these last few months. It brought out the angry, the scared, and the stupid. I’d be lying if I said I had no idea how many of these people existed, but let’s face it, we all knew they were there, they just didn’t broadcast it as openly as this before.

    In good news, I am free to live life again, as I have my condo to myself once more! I have been physically taking care of my family for over a year, and let me tell you, there is nothing quite like the sound of silence. I can actually hear my own thoughts again when I am sitting in the living room. I love my family, but good riddance! Although, I do miss my pooch. He went on a long-term visit until they get settled, and since it is two states away, I will not be bringing him home for another couple of months. Oh the re-training that will need to happen! Hopefully they don’t let him run too wild.  And how about those Cubs?! Almost didn’t expect them to take back the lead! I’m an Ohioan at heart, so I am geeked to watch the Indians play in the World Series next week, but my Chicago residency is rooting for the Cubs to at least meet them in the final games.


    • Hi Ashley,

      Admittedly I don’t know much, but you are the first non-Trudeau fan I have heard from! Would you mind telling me a bit about why you’re not a fan? (I have no context, all I know of his politics basically is that he marches at Pride and welcomed Syrian refugees to Canada, which both sound good…)

      • Can I ditto this? From the UK? We’d really like to steal him, from our perspective, so I’m really interested in why you might be prepared to post him?

      • I realize the electoral reform bit is going to fall on deaf ears to Americans here (NOT EVEN GONNA TRY to understand your system, friends) but here are a couple choice items from the past week:

        Trudeau: People care more that I’m so handsome and popular than whether I make my promised changes to the electoral system (i.e. getting rid of the system that made Stephen Harper’s government keep winning majorities for years with 30% of the vote), also I’m too popular to risk losing my majority

        “Trudeau government revoking citizenship at much higher rate than Conservatives,” in which the Liberals take advantage of the slimiest clause of the previous government’s slimiest bill that they’d promised to repeal as soon as they got elected a year ago

      • Hello,

        And I might be the only queer Conservative as well. Just to give you a little back ground, I grew up in mostly conservative provinces, which might have skewed my views a little and I should clarify that I am extremely economically conservative and socially liberal. But back to Trudeau, the fact that the only thing you really know about him is that he Marches at Pride and welcomed Syrian refugees to Canada is my point. Not that either of those things are bad, I just don’t like the fact that he has gained this rock start status, I mean he is going/has a comic book. I also don’t agree with spending a lot more money to lower our national debt, I guess really my biggest problem with him is his economic policies.

        Everyone gives Stephen Harper a hard time but he did a really great job at creating internal trade agreements with a bunch of different countries that haven’t previously had trade agreements with Canada and he held off a Canadian recession for as long as possible and I truly believe that Harper wanted to retire from politics (he now has his own consulting firm) and didn’t really try hard this past election. Also in this past year/year and a half it seems like most Canadians were looking for change on the Federal and Provincial level.

        Let me tell you this though, our politics are never as exciting as it has been with the U.S. Presidential election.

        • Interesting, thank you for answering!

          I would trade our ‘exciting’ election with you in a HEARTBEAT, lemme tell you. I can hardly take the stress :-)


      • Trudeau seemed really promising, but there are some MAJOR issues, most especially his backtracking on respecting First Nations rights and sovereignty.
        A glaring example of this is the attempt to ramrod through the Site C Dam project, ignoring the protests of the First Nation on whose unceded terrritory the dam is being built.
        This is similar to the DAPL situation.
        So much for nation-to-nation relationship.

        • *First Nations on whose unceded territory.

          Prophet River and West Moberly First Nations are leading legal action in guardianship of their lands, and protests are being supported by many others (including Amnesty International).

        • I usually change the channel or radio station every time I hear his or Christy Clark’s name. I can’t stand either of them and can’t wait until the BC election next year.

  14. That was a really enjoyable, lovely, funny, wonderful opening to the Friday open threads, Carmen. I appreciate how strikingly bold and nasty you are. ?

  15. Hey all! I’ve had my first really good week in a long time. My partner and I broke up end of September and she moved out in early October, so I’ve been madly trying to find a new apartment in Vancouver (LOL GOOD LUCK). But on Wednesday I signed for a super cute bachelor suite only a few blocks away from where I am now, and exactly two blocks from the beach! I can’t wait to move in and be in a space that will be just *mine*. I’ve never lived alone before and I’m both daunted and thrilled.

    It’s been a miserable couple of months with the breakup and uncertainty to where I’m going to be living and what my life is going to look like… but things seem to have finally started to settle, and for the first time I finally feel like a fairly competent adult.

    Oh ALSO I watched Foxfire for the first time last night with a friend and holy cow. I wish I had seen that movie when I was a teenage girl. I would have realized I was queer way, way sooner :P



    • I watched But I’m a Cheerleader like three times in high school and also every movie Blockbuster had with actual or implied teenage lesbian content and it didn’t help so don’t feel too badly

      Congratulations on finding a home in freaking Vancouver (never tried but I can only imagine it makes Toronto look good) and things starting to settle!

      • Hahaha I watched But I’m A Cheerleader more than once as well, so you’re probably right! Just wistful thinking for teenage me who bemoaned her straightness.

        And thank you! I was a stressed out, sleepless mess for almost a month but last night I had the best sleep I’ve had in ages :)

    • as someone in vancouver currently looking for housing, that’s a huge feat that you’ve found a place to live, so congrats! i also just went thru a breakup (tho’ not the reason of my looking for a housing), and i can sympathize how hard it is, but i hope it goes up from here, for both of us! <3

  16. Is this a safe space to say that “nasty” has always been my actual least-favorite word? That it gives me the same feeling others get from words like “moist? That hearing Trump use it so derisively only confirmed I’ve been right all along? No? Ok never mind.

    This week I’ve been thinking seriously about abandoning my current (tentative) plan of going to school next year for the next level of certification in my field, just so I can make more money when I finally go to school for what I actually want to study. Abandoning that plan, and instead, doing the scary thing: skipping that intermediate step and diving headfirst into debt. I currently have $0 in any kind of loans or debt or anything, and it kind of makes me sick to think about taking on tens of thousands of dollars worth. But it also makes me sick to think about losing years doing something I don’t /love/, and struggling financially anyway.

    Any tips? Specifically, any tips about forestry/ecology type grad programs out there? And what prerequisites an EMT with a BA in English would first need to acquire? And what job prospects might look like (or not look like–I’m definitely ready to be convinced not to do it if it’s completely impractical. It’s completely impractical, isn’t it)?

    Have a good weekend everyone!

    • I also don’t like the word nasty. I am embracing it for a limited time only as an experiment in reclamation. :-D

      • Same! It makes me feel icky and I wouldn’t want to say it out loud normally but I’m trying it out in the name of mocking Trump. Does anyone else think it’s weird and uncomfortable that “nasty girl” is more sexual than “nasty woman”?

        • lol my feelings on ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ are like a whole thing and so twisted up and complicated (“don’t call me Queer Woman, Queer Woman’s my mother”), like it’s so weird that woman has such matronly connotations and I identify as a girl because I feel like a kid who has absolutely no idea what I’m doing but actually I have a career, can keep a dog alive, all the trappings of adulthood but oh wait that was all beside the point, I think your point is really,

          isn’t it weird that ‘girl’ is a more sexualized word than ‘woman?’

          and, ABSOLUTELY.

          • I know! I feel weird about it too. There’s a lot to unpack about each of those. I’m working really hard on not calling adult women “girls” and I have no idea why I even do it!

          • but like even that is complicated because if someone calls me a woman, i mean, i’m not pissed, but i automatically think, ‘why do they think i’m old?’ it’s a word i don’t identify with much at all. i end up calling other people around me ‘girls’ because i don’t want to offend them like i would be offended. ;-)

            i guess i’m moving more and more towards just calling people people.

          • Haha that does seem the way to go. As a server, I wish there was a gender neutral formal term equal to sir or ma’am. “And what can I get you, Honored One?”

    • this will always be a safe space, sorry to have used your least favorite word so many times this week on the internet tho


    • Interestingly, I like the word nasty.

      But I imagine there’s a big accent difference (assuming you’re american?). For us it’s more nar-stee than nahsty.

      When combined with Trump though, ugh.

  17. Hi Carmen! I’m glad things are going well for you (or, at least, they sound like they are!). I’m thinking that perhaps some of the sewing patterns swapped should be of false idols. That would be efficient, at least.

    I can’t really add anything about the elections or debates or anything, as I haven’t really followed any of it. I really, really dislike politics and try to avoid all that as much as possible. No offense to anyone who’s into it, of course, it’s just not my cup of coffee.

    We had a bizarre heat wave here, where it got up to the upper 80s! I really liked it, went swimming, and will be sorry in a few weeks when it’s cold. Of course, it’s already dropped down to the mid-60s today. The weather’s kinda moody, I guess.

    I’m going on a date tonight to a haunted house. Isn’t that romantic? <3 On the other hand, it sounds like a set up for a cliche horror story/movie/game, almost! Maybe that girl from The Ring will pop up and show off her dance moves. Or update her haunting apparatus from antiquated VHS tapes to Netflix and Hulu. =)

  18. So I’m mostly commenting because I need reassurance about this election. It’s been so scary to me this whole time, watching his candidacy grow, reading story after story of terrible things he’s said and done that we always thought HAD to be the last straw…until it wasn’t.

    I’m a child of Mexican immigrants, and hearing Hilary talk during the debate about the reality of Trump’s ICE task force rounding undocumented people up on busses, on trains, gave me chills. My parents immigrated legally, but I was still scared of ICE as a child. I found out about Operation Wetback pretty young and I’ve never forgotten it, or the fact that US citizens were deported too. No one is safe, because it’s not about “illegals,” or “bad immigrants” it’s everybody who doesn’t fit Trump’s definition of a person.

    Finding out YESTERDAY, that after everything, including that tape and the accusations, a coworker I’m fond of is voting Trump because he “hates Hilary” would normally make me more upset, but at this point it’s more like resigned. There’s so much I feel about this election. I’m scared for my family, my community, our freedoms as a nation. Hilary has her flaws too, but Trump can’t be president. We’ve come so far.

    There’s no way he wins, right?

    • HEY I KNOW YOU!!!!
      If you look at the NYT’s polls and Nate Silver’s polls on 538, Hillary is winning. Hope that cheers you up!

      • Hey I know you too! I worry about the polls because they’ve changed so many times in the last couple months, but they’re definitely great to see. I’ll feel better November 9th, though. Thanks for the reassurance. :)

      • I hope so. I don’t understand the people voting for him. Or the politicians standing by him. Hopefully we come together as a country after the election, without the violence people are warning might happen as a result of his whole “it’s rigged” bullshit.

  19. This week I have been sick, sick, sick, but I’ve been powering through and getting my work done anyway. Not sure yet if the DDOS attack has been a blessing or a curse, but for the moment, it’s left me unable to complete any work, so I get to hang out here instead! Very glad Autostraddle is not currently down!

  20. Hello everyone!

    After four weeks of being sick I´ve yesterday finished my first week at work (only 3 days but still…)! It was pretty exhausting, but I got through it and have now a 3 day weekend, which I´m very happy about. I´m finally in a good mood again (does that already count as an accomplishment…? ;)…) and feel like doing so many things! This weekend I will focus on resting and doing little things like getting a guest book (+stickers, fun stamps, glitter etc.) for the guests to write in and maybe draw in for my moms 60th birthday party next weekend. I soo looking forward to visiting my family! And it will be the first time I´m able to hug my mom after coming out to her as non-binary/a demi-boy/maybe ftm – so that is something I´m very much looking forward to, too! :)

    Today I´m in a “jump-around-hug-the-whole-world-mood”, because I came out to the girl I have a crush on (…and am not really sure if we have been/are flirting). The opportunity just presented itself and I thought: Oh well – what do I have to lose? :) I trust her and like her – and was pretty sure, she would react positively or at least not negatively. (trigger warning: voice dysphoria)) I had interupted myself while talking to her to “correct” the register I was talking in, and tried to continue with my “normal”/ higher voice – I “press” my voice downwards, probably already for about 4 weeks and my larynx hurt really bad the last couple of days because of it. So she asked why I had been using a lower voice… If it was because someone had told me, they didn´t like my voice, or…? So I looked at her hesitating and finally decided to just tell her. It felt soo good! To be honest with her and just being able to talk so openly! She reacted very well and even said in the end, that it was really nice to talk. And I am also happy, because in case we end up being friends (or more? or nothing? Who knows?) I was able to be honest with her from the very beginning. That feels awesome!

    I love you all very much and wish you a really nice weekend!

  21. Happy Friday, y’all! I just finished my first week of work at a new job!! I was kinda nervous all week but things have been going well and I feel like I’m getting the hang of things, which is nice. And I started answering phones today (which I have a lot of anxiety about) and that went well too! Currently on my lunch break eating free candy from my coworker.

    This week has also been a lot of adulting in terms of getting myself on a regular schedule again and remembering to pack myself lunch. Aaaand I had to draw some difficult boundaries in my personal relationships but I did it and it will be good for me.

    But on a happier note, in the past week I went to not one but TWO queer pumpkin carving events!

  22. I signed with a literary agent this week! And nothing, not even the terror I feel when I remember that a Cheeto dusted Gilderoy Lockhart is running for president, can diminish that excitement. But also, GO HILLARY! And VOTE!

  23. I got a part-time job at a cafe on the weekends. It’s a very lovely small family-owned place with good food and tea. I’m really happy to be working somewhere like this, and I’m also terrified because I have to speak in Chinese sometimes with customers, but I know it’ll be good for me. I have kind of limited vocabulary and I get really nervous but it’d be nice to be able to interact with customers on a fluent level without worrying. I’m actually leaving for my shift in like an hour, so I need to practice some more before I go lol.

    And I turned 21 this week! It was uneventful, but I got some free pizza and my mom sent me a bunch of candy in the mail. Also it turns out that I share my birthday with the none pizza left beef meme, which is more than I could ever ask for in life.

  24. I drew the Sun and the Nine and Knight of Swords on Tuesday, and that basically sums up my week. A need to bring my sad and scary thoughts out into the open, while still being gentle with myself. I am proud of my progress though, and I am absolutely storming it at work. Love all of you, love this thread <3

  25. Y’all a very exciting thing happened this week! My tiny little chosen family grew by 1 :) Meet Macaroon (aka Rooni) the Cat!


  26. Hi! I’m sick and really over it, I’ve had to leave work early twice because I thought I was gonna pass out and even though self care is a thing that I’m trying to do, it’s taking a while to set in that that’s exactly what I did, because my not-so healing self is like BUT MORE MONEY IS TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. But I reached out to some people online and they validated my choice and that I did okay and that helps a lot.

    Also I just looked at this post and really that’s how you make a regular day better:

    I think I was having a roughish week because last Thursday was full of super therapy and trauma and dissociating and feelings and I was there for like ten hours straight so I remember having a terrible time but then my body/mind was like “let’s not feel this anymore” for which I’m thankful tbh because then I got super sick and I remember vaguely Saturday at work being good but beyond that, just lots of sleeping/feeling really ick/but marathoning iZombie which helps? and talking to family and friends a bit and that helped too

    Wait wait wait I SAW ADELE EARLIER THAT WEEK WHICH WAS AMAZING AND UNEXPECTED AND LAST MINUTE AND IM SCARED OF HEIGHTS AND WE WERE IN THE NOSEBLEEDS BUT BY THE END I WAS STANDING SINGING ALONG BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU NOT AND IT WAS A LOVELY EXPERIENCE but then my “you don’t deserve good things” little self came out I’m guessing around Thursday when I told everyone so it was a little ick after that but overall still very happy!

    I was at therapy for almost twelve hours yesterday cause I need to learn how to drive but I also don’t want to cause I’m black and police and all kinds of shit in there bUT the point of this is, I’m still really sick but I got three books! and the Starbucks people kept saying “Welcome back, Alexis, your usual?” because I went back three times, and I had good food! and for some reason one of the moms who is in the waiting room tried to start conversations with me/offered to buy me more Starbucks?/invited me to come to Starbucks which is flattering as it is confusing! And I did not know the meaning of tender queer until I flushed one of the therapists’ goldfish down the toilet because she was too sad to and apparently I WAS TOO but now I know and also I like helping people so it was okay and also I ended up watching Hoodwinked on my phone as we waited for my sister to get out of school and that made my whole mood A+++ and payday was actually solid and I had a really good session and I got an acceptance on a piece I really wanted to be in and a rejection on something I really knew I wasn’t ready for which is good good! and I’m taking this writing class that brought me out of my funk for a moment earlier this week and I just adore it and I finished Alice Isn’t Dead and I love Jaskia Nicole a lot a lot and I am just feeling pretty okay its nice I hope you’re all okay I’m gonna work on my words being like more succinct at some point

    love to you all!

    • Even i have to learn how to drive. I just dont feel inclined to do it. But i guess we have to learn, at some point. I dont get why the goldfish was flushed though.

  27. I had to see my ex this week, but also I went on a date to a UFO museum. GUESS WHICH OF THESE THINGS WAS MORE FUN.

  28. I just saw a poster that said, “We are the granddaughters of all the witches you didn’t burn” and it made me feel so good. I’ve been comparing this presidential campaign cycle to the Salem Witch Trial, discussing this with friends and family and it is real and it is happening right here in 2016. I want to burn the patriarchy to the ground-I know y’all do too. It’s Friday! I’m sitting at work wearing a plaid flannel button-down and a sports bra. My comfort knows no bounds!

    This week has been a rollercoaster. It started off hot and sad—me crying over pictures of a Pug/Chihuahua to me taking in a foster kitten that is smaller than my Birkenstock sandal. Now it is 50 degrees and I think I have my groove back.

    The idea of a person being laid to rest in an In and Out fry box is just so funny. I could go for being laid to rest in a life-size Bojangles chicken box, with an extra cup of Bo Sauce.
    Let’s all be nasty!

    Please enjoy a photo of my sweet foster baby (it’s a link to Instagram because I am not clever enough)

    A photo posted by Devon ?️‍? (@thabadgaldeedee) on Oct 20, 2016 at 5:47pm PDT

    • I can relate – I started crying when my girlfriend said she doesn’t like roast potatoes that much. It will be okay

  29. -Tooth Extraction.
    -discovered a new band called Howard(The only good thing that came from watching UnReal season 2). Great sound and vocals, wish they had more songs.

      • Ugh, i was hating all the ‘nastiness’ with everyone. It just made me physically sick , the evilness of the main characters. I don’t know how i stuck with it. And what by the end, everyone is a potential murderer? I do think that Rachel and her boss have great chemistry, can they just ditch the dumb men already? Its clear they love each other, don’t you think so?
        Plus, the new boy chick man was so bloody annoying!

        • Haha, yeah, I agree. But I absolutely love Quinn and Rachel, so that’s why I stuck with it. They’re great together, even when they’re fighting.

          • Quinn is one of my all time fav charachters, there is just something about her scheming morally ambigous ways, where she somehow manages to appear as someone with a heart. But i dont like Rachel anymore, not after ‘Shitgate’, i mean , you have to draw a line somewhere.

          • Is it weird that i can let murder go, but not something like the shitting fiasco that happened? I felt really bad for Hot Rachel, and then later she died!

        • Oh god, that was horrible! And it was unnecessary, too. I’m sure Rachel could have come up with something better than that. She’s the queen of creating drama, no need to stoop so low. I liked Rachel a little less this season because of every poor choice she made, but I still like her. Quinn is, by far, the best character, though.

    • Tooth Extraction! I feel your pain. I had two teeth extracted last month. Hope all is well with healing :)

      • Thanks,im sure its healing cos im salivating like a dog. And my mouth feels so weird, hate it!

      • you both are super brave to face oral surgery. i have 4 sets of impacted wisdom teeth and still cannot bear to bring myself to the dental surgeon NOOOOOOOOO. One of the non-impacted wisdom teeth has actually come in, lol — so, I have to floss behind my last molar on one side because another tooth came in behind it! Still not used to it.

        Ugh teeth. I have bad dreams about them. :( Anyway, props to you two. I wish you a speedy recovery.

        • Well, the extraction part is so simple and quick, i thought i could do it on myself! The weird feeling was the numb feeling on the lips and tongue.You should totally go for it, and imagine me cheering in your head.

        • Rey! I am super lucky in that my grandfather is my dentist. He is 87 and basically my hero! Seriously… my life has been full of waaaay too much dental work. I still have serious amounts of anxiety regarding the dental chair though! BUT it is not as bad as you think, I promise!

        • I had my wisdom teeth out a little over 10 years ago and it was the easiest thing ever. Seriously, it’s not bad at all!

  30. a friend and i have been touring the donuts of the dc area because donuts, and we were supposed to get donuts and watch great british bake off tonight, but she cancelled on me ’cause she’s having a bad day. and later tonight i was going to hang out with a friend type person and another friend but things have been dicey with that friend type person for a while and last night she made it clear (again) that she doesn’t really respect me, and i dunno, i’m so done, y’all. i thought i was gonna have two fun things to do tonight and now i have none. BLAH.

    on the plus side it has been rainy and chilly today and i am enjoying it very much. and i’m wearing my new A+ membership t-shirt.

  31. Happy friday all!! It has been a stressful 24 hours for my wife and I. The good news is is that we are 25ish weeks pregnant and our twins are doing well :) We saw them at the ultrasound the other day and Baby B kicked Baby A in the head and Baby A punched! They’re already fighting hehe.

    The stressful part is that our landlord has asked us yesterday to leave our apartment by the end of November because he wants to move in (I have a feeling he might not want to live with newborns above him but we have no proof). So not only am I preparing to nest and bed rest but we have to move to an entirely new place. Grrr. Then the delivery people for our packages left them on our door without ringing our bell and stole our stuff, including our cat litter (really…litter…???). So we had to deal with that today as well.

    So if anyone knows of a nice apartment in Staten Island available to rent, or just wants to send good vibes, hit me up :)

    • Look, i think your landlord is a criminal for driving people out cos he doesnt want babies near him. You should definitely sabotage him before you leave. Throw dog shit everywhere in his apartment or something.

      • Well maybe don’t do that, but I was just at a HUD training yesterday and people with children are a protected class. What he’s doing IS illegal, so you might want to check in with your local tenant’s rights association or similar.

        • Thanks. It’s just a hunch and there is no proof at all… Honesty I’d love to fight the good fight but at 7 months pregnant id rather just find a new place to live. But thanks for the advice :)

          • Yeah, I don’t get really how tenants and, like, friends who have been let go from their jobs when they were pregnant and stuff, ever prove any of this, honestly.

            But best of luck finding a much better ethical landlord!

  32. You know I am still surprised that Billy Bush was fired, but a candidate for President can chug along like nothing happened. She’s no angel herself, but at least her scandals are more in line with most carrier politician not named Berlusconi(someone I think Trump would be great friends with if he already isn’t).

    My week has been alright. On Sunday I got to hang out with a lovely human and we had a vegan pumpkin baking party. We made pumpkin crust pizza(this one had more pumpkin the crust) with vegan cheese, apple’s stuffed with pumpkin cheese, and pumpkin desert treat. Oh and of course Kennebunkport Pumpkin Ale and Ace Cider. I had a lot of fun as I do like baking(of both variety) with people, especially since the food was good.

    I mentioned this yesterday, but there is a Trans woman beauty pageant in Downtown LA tomorrow that I think I will go to, cause it’s going to be a packed with famous celebs who happen to either be trans and/or queer(like the cast/creators of Her Story), and Jeffery Tambor(who I like). It’s for charity, and I have a feeling it is going to be awesome and kind of excited to go.

    If anyone wants to see meh pictures of vegan food I’d gladly share, but here a picture of last weeks full moon.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • Al did you take that? Your pics are always gorgeous but this one astonishes me because it seems so hard to take good moon photos. ?

      • Thank you I did, as I have a old 70’s zoom lens I bought for cheap adapted to my camera. This a crop as it wasn’t long enough. I know there are adapters that let one use a telescope on their camera or even phone.

        Quick tip to get sharp image like this one would need to keep the shutter speed fast-ish(1/60th of a second on a phone might work, I was at 1/500 on my camera) enough to get it sharp. This also means turn means to increase ISO(light sensitivity), which isn’t phones strong suit. But, I also had to reduce exposure, as moon was too bright at first.

  33. I both received my ballot in the mail yesterday and dropped it off last night.

    In the past month I feel like I’ve leveled up on paying attention to my body. I have been meditating regularly, have been doing yoga at least once a week, and am taking a kind look at what behaviours, food, situations, people, etc effect me in good and bad ways.

    I’m creating a habit of actually reading the books that are littered around my room. We’ll see how that goes (so far it’s going well — just chapter by chapter).

  34. My life is school at the moment. Taking 6 classes, and I’m doing really well but it’s pretty intense. Been coming out casually to some people in my program lately so that’s cool. I actually outed myself during a presentation about self disclosure. Finding my refuge in TV and Netflix. Particularly with pll. Htgawm, svu, scream special, Heartland, nick cage, ouat, brooklyn nine, greys anatomy also helpful for this.

    • 6 classes?! Daaaaammmmnnn! I am struggling with 4 classes and a lab. It’s great that you are doing well. Keep up the good work ?

      • Yeah, it’s pretty hectic as I’m in a program. Thanks :) Hope your studies are good well too :)

  35. Good evening folks! How’s it going?
    I have 4 days off the usual dayjob as of Sunday which is delightful, BUT I have a cold/sinusitis coming on in the biggest way…coughing and sniffling like there’s no tomorrow, I wager it’ll hit me harder during my time off. Urgh.
    In happier news I bought a £255 jacket for £39.99 on sale on Wednesday. I think I won TKMaxx forever. Let the autumnal layering commence.
    I’m also pretty satisfied with how I’ve stayed on top of inktober, I have posted something everyday, every sketch under an hour, most under half, some really poor, others pretty decent. It’s a mixed bag depending on how burnt out I am after work…but I’ve committed and that’s a step in the right direction. So yeah…
    Wife and I’s Bi-annual Buffy rewatch is underway, inspired by the awesome Buffering podcast…Glorious!
    Looking forward to a chill couple of days at home…even if I’m slathered in vaporub and mainlining sudafed.
    Have an amazing weekend folks, whatever you’re doing. :)

  36. Honestly, this week hasn’t been all that great thanks to a combo of shitty weather and depression starting to creep in. But I baked cookies today, and managed to cut open a spaghetti squash without killing/maiming anyone, and a stranger complimented me on my umbrella. Sometimes you just gotta focus on the little things, y’know?

    In not-so-little news: I’m going up to QC to look at a place on Sunday. I should be really excited, because frankly it’s like this place was built for me – it’s in a converted warehouse so it’s got that ~industrial chic~ thing going on, it’s 5 minutes from work and it’s pet-friendly so I can finally adopt a dog! The depression is dulling the shine a bit though, and it’s bringing up all sorts of “holy-shit-this-is-happening” feelings that I’m not quite prepared to deal with. So. I guess it’s kind of a bittersweet thing?

    • There’s nothing quite like impending change to set off a dose of ambivalence for me, so perhaps you’re feeling something similar?

      The new home sounds great. I hope your mood picks up soon in the meantime take care of yourself and relish all of the little things.

  37. I’m still at Grace Hopper Celebration, about to head to the dance. I talked to some cute, awesome queer women and some companies seemed interested, so mission access? lesbianswhotech had someone at the LGBTQA lunch.

  38. Outside of school, I haven’t been up to much this week. I had two tests this week, one of which went well and the other… well… the professor apologized to the entire class for that one. Other than that, I had the usual homework and a meeting which spawned more meetings. I’m on the planning committee for the Conference for Undergraduate Women in Physics as CU is one of the locations of the conference this January, and that meeting lead to the need to for someone on the committee to talk to several faculty members, two of whom I know pretty well. So yay for making myself busier still in an already busy semester.

  39. HAHA CARMEN I CAN’T you have slain me. The funeral thing hhhhhhhhh

    My phone is acting up but I at least wanna say I’m glad today is over, that this week is over. I’ve been feeling shitty, and when im feeling ok, I get the joys of dealing with Very Special Customers. Today was especially, er, Special. Ohhh my ggggggggoddd.

    Last Saturday I went to my first kink play party! It was fun, and I ultimately felt surprisingly comfortable there. I thought seeing people doing sexual acts would freak me out, but it didn’t. It’s actually kinda fun to watch. I didn’t have a scene with anyone, but I did get tied up and later got thwacked a bit,which was really nice! Riding crops are…….. very, very nice, Hahahaha~. (If you wanna be friends on fetlife, lemme know! :) )

    I got to hang out with a friend Wednesday night, and I got to buy a few things, like 10 lbs of clay and Star Wars underwear. It was fun and made me feel so much more like I exist. I’ve been struggling with depersonalization lately; mom found out by way of an aunt bc a cousin tattled on me, and she was all upset and I was irritated. Like. Can you not, tho. It’s not helping me at all.

    And today I had a psl, so despite everything else, at least I had that and laughs.

    My phone is being shitty af, so I gotta stop typing on it before I find a wood chipper to toss it in. TIS THE SEASON

  40. This whole week has been a blur. I think the adderall is making me have insomnia. Or the lack of it. Or the stess from school. Idk. All I know is that I was grumpy because I didn’t get my morning kiss before leaving for work. Of all things that ruined my day, it was the change in my morning routine.

    I just left the condom sense store too. Got asked if I was going to the party this weekend. I had no idea what the girl was talking about. She assumed that because I was buying a new paddle, I was going to a fetish party. I was honest with her about not really knowing much about the scene. We had a great conversation and joked around. She said she liked my choice in paddles and that she liked my reasons for choosing this red one that causes a considerable amount of pain. It was enjoyable. She was also very cute! Now I know who to talk to if I have questions.

  41. I was gunna bring the cute, but I don’t know enough about html to edit source code thingies from when I inspect the elements of Instagram, which I joined last weekend for the purpose of sharing my cuties with y’all.

    All I can really tell y’all for sure is that instagrams’ algorithms for suggesting content based off of posts a user has liked were not ready for my medium sized white Louisiana ass.

    It seems to think I’m
    1) a black woman 2) fat 3) interested in making babies with a white man

    None those things are true.

    • Insta gets better with that the longer you’re using it. It more or less only reccs queer stuff at me these days…and cute animal pics…occasionally cars. It’s got me pretty well sussed.

      • I want it to get to the point of no s-word or n-word in recc’d stuff because apparently I’ve gone soft or something and can’t look at those words with feeling feels that I can’t do anything about as that’s systemic issue a lone human can’t undo.

  42. Autostraddle friends, I need some help. I was having a nice Friday evening, listening to music and drinking whiskey in apple cider, but then I started to get real sad (I blame it partly on PMS). But anyway, what I’m sad about is that my church (I’m United Methodist) doesn’t love me the same way I love it. Have any of y’all ever experienced this disconnect between an amazing and affirming childhood growing up in the church vs. realizing you’re gay and that if you wanted to someday get married in the church you grew up in, you wouldn’t be able to? Nobody at my church while I was growing up ever said that being gay was bad, but the church as a whole doesn’t let gay people be clergy or get married. Anyway, I just cried for like 45 minutes about this and if anyone has similar experiences to share I would so much appreciate it or even just cute baby animal pictures?

    • Mary, I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m not Methodist, but there are many queers who are. Check out the Urban Village Church in Chicago–even if you are not physically near, it might help you to know that there are affirming, even queer-majority, Methodist churches out there.

      Many hugs to you if you want them. And a quiet night in with apple cider sounds lovely.

    • Hi Mary,

      I wasn’t raised in a church but I have definitely been there with those kinds of sadnesses.

      Once I called my girlfriend from the tub, a whiskey or two down, sobbing and asking her why there were still people in the world who hated us…poor thing was like, I don’t…know?

      Anyway. I hear you and I’m with you and there is so much amazing sweet kindness in the world. And I think those wounds will heal, within your current church or in another or in another group of loving caring people. I have met so many kind amazing and powerful queer friends who are forces for good within their churches, and whose churches are kind and welcoming.

      All the ???

    • Um not a church, but a side of my family.
      I had the realisation at a funeral for the only person (my grandfather) who could have keep us linked. They gave me no a cold shoulder, it wasn’t an intention to be cruel just a…reaction they couldn’t help but have no matter how much I tried to tone my me-ness down.

      The only reason I didn’t cry was because I literally out of tears from having to watch him rot in his body for 2 years. There was screaming in a shower tho and something like dry heaves, but for tears that my body didn’t have.

      I dealt this “rejection” by being myself as much as feel around them and doing things like bring my own food (often there’s nothing but pork that I do not eat at family get togethers) in very large portion to share. If they don’t eat or touch it because it’s strange like me I don’t give a fuck. More deliciousness for me. And hang out with people that accept me later.

      Oh crap this a horrible attempt at comforting.

      Um ok.

      Matthew 16:18

      “Hey dude you’re a rock and upon this rock I will build my church, it withstand all the bad shit”

      You are a rock, you are your church and you can withstand this.
      Breaking with things that didn’t mean to turn against you (but kinda did) no matter how precious and kind they were when you were a child will hurt and grieving at the separation is normal. But not being yourself will hurt more.

      I have no idea if this helpful or not, so I’m adding baby animals gifs

      I don’t know if you have favourite so I got a variety pack.
      Hope I didn’t upset you more.

    • Many hugs and prayers if you’d like them, Mary. As somebody who identifies stubbornly and strangely as “still Catholic,” I have experienced something similar far more often than I’d like. Unfortunately, I can’t really blame it on PMS either, since it happens at any time in the month. The past couple of times, I got melancholy on trains, wondering if it was better or worse to hope that my church would let gay people get married during my lifetime. I have a hard time imagining it happening before I’m, say, ninety (and even that is an all but miraculous stretch), and then I find myself wondering if the woman I am trying not to crush on would even be alive then, since she is older than me, and ninety is already a rather long life. Yet on the other hand, I find it heartbreaking to think of getting married in some other church instead. I’ll probably end up going with my childhood plan of spinsterdom. The church is holy, but it is also human, made up of a bunch of imperfect humans who try, mess up, do misguided things, hurt each other, and have the potential to learn and do better. .

    • Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words, baby animals, hugs, and prayers. Just knowing that others have felt similar feelings and are dealing with them helps. Reason number 47362 why I love Autostraddle: I can always find support and encouragement here when I’m feeling let down elsewhere in my life <3

  43. Carmen I immediately thought of your FOT here when I read this:

    “such a nasty woman” is the closest i’ve ever heard a real person get to muttering “tricksy hobbitses”
    — Alan Scherstuhl (@studiesincrap) October 20, 2016


  44. Would any body know if there’s a way to get a spellcheck software thing to recognize 2 languages at the same time?

  45. I am so, so late for open thread, but I can’t wait a whole week to tell you guys my sister’s wedding went pretty well! All my clothing and stuff was more femme than I would have liked but pretty enough to pass muster, I got tons of compliments on my bombass oxfords, I even gave a speech that went over well! I had one small panic attack/crying fit from just too many days of socializing and worrying about appearances, but my grandfather comforted me and I got over it better than I would have thought. I feel so much better to have this off my shoulders.

  46. I don’t know where else to put this, but apparently Jack Chick died on the 23 of October. Maybe it was a homosexual conspiracy that did him in.

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