The Yellowjackets season finale is upon us, and I (Heather) don’t even really know what that means. Did they eat a baby this season? Did the Lesbian Deer Goddess take the baby as a sacrifice, into the woods, to raise it on her own? Only Kayla knows, and luckily she recapped it for us! You know what else she recapped? The Ultimatum: Queer Love! Also The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel finally made Susie gay for real, in the last season.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ I’ve got two things coming for you next week, and both are kinda late: 1) There’s a lesbian episode of Queer Eye that needs some attention, and also HBO Max’s — er, excuse me, just MAX’S — three-part Angel City docu-series is the perfect warm-up for the coming World Cup. — Heather

+ Y’all we were deceived. The Legends never showed up in the final season of The Flash. No Sara, no Ava, no Astra or Zari or Spooner. Just a brief phone call from Victor Garber and a hint of The Atom. I know they got their season dramatically cut down so they weren’t going to be able to tidy up the Legends flop of a finale the way they originally wanted to, but they said the Legends would still show up and they didn’t. Another reason to be eternally mad at The Flash, what it could have been, and what it instead became. — Valerie Anne

+ In what continues to be a burn so slow it’s boring, Harper and Stephanie engage in some more light flirting on this week’s Gotham Knights. They’re starting to get along, and Harper even does that thing where she brings up a boy just to get a reaction; but then she doesn’t believe Stephanie when she says she and Bat Boy are just friends. Duella awkwardly tries to give them a ship name, and Cullen warns his sister not to fall for a straight girl even though no one has asked Stephanie her sexuality and I have a hard time believing a trans boy and his bisexual sister would just *assume* someone is straight. /shrug — Valerie Anne

Saint X Episode 106: “Loose Threads of the Past”

Written by Valerie Anne

Emily looks how I feel.

As we approach the season finale, we are watching Emily creep closer and closer to the edge of a mental breakdown. And we got a few extra flashbacks of her when she was on the island and still going by Claire, and since one of them cut almost directly from a woman on the island doing Claire’s hair to adult Emily and her blonde locks, I realized maybe her therapist is right and she’s trying too hard to follow her sister’s footsteps, as a subconscious way to feel closer to her, perhaps as a result of survivor’s guilt.

Emily ends up following Gogo around again, and even ends up in a club and tries to dance up on him. Which he doesn’t care for at all. He storms out but ends up picking her up in his cab.

When her boyfriend realizes he can’t find Emily, he calls Sunita, who comes over despite still being mad at Emily; bestie duties must be done, even when you’re fighting.

Meanwhile, in flashbacks, we learn that Edwin is gay and in love with Gogo, has been his whole life. But isn’t in a safe place to come out, and he’s starting to get paranoid about someone finding out. A guest promises him he’d never out a fellow gay Black man, and gives him a watch to help him toward his goal of eventually getting to a place where he can live freely, a place like New York. And even though Allison decides to spend her last night of vacation with Edwin and Gogo, all signs are still pointing to her murderer being Anyone But Edwin & Gogo, though I still can’t decide if Creepy Married Man or Entitled Incel is a more likely suspect.

How I Met Your Father Episode 212: “Not a Mamma Mia”

Written by Valerie Anne

One thing I can respect is commitment to the bit.

How I Met Your Father is back with the back half of season two! We pick up where we left off: the hunt for Sophie’s dad! Sophie’s mom can’t remember much about him, but when Sophie shows her a photo, she identifies a sliver of an off-camera man that she knows she slept with at Lollapalooza. You can’t see the man’s face, so all they have to go on is an arm with a barbed wire tattoo and an employee nametag that shows his name ends in “-ick.” After some sleuthing, they narrow it down to three potential dads, which the squad all compares to different movies like Mamma Mia, and Ellen of course says it’s like a hetero The Kids Are All Right.

The squad splits into three groups; the first group eliminates their potential dad pretty quickly because he’s Asian. The second group finds a stripper named Dick at a place called Dick & Dales, and this wouldn’t have eliminated him as an option and I don’t think it’s ever explicitly stated but I think Dick & Dale were lovers before Dale’s untimely death; Dick has a mug on his desk that says, “Sounds gay, I’m in.”

In classic sitcom fashion, instead of just asking Dick if he has a barbed wire tattoo, Ellen poses as a bachelorette and hires him to strip for him, which he does, with her girlfriend watching in amusement as Ellen attempts to seem into it (and fails miserably.)

Third on the list is Nick of Nick’s Hot Dogs (well, Nick Jr. technically) played by Clark Gregg, and before approaching him, Sophie and her friends decide to give him some tests, all of which he passes with flying colors. He’s just a Great Dude and an excellent candidate for a potential dad. But Sophie bails before talking to him; she’s afraid it’s too late to start a relationship with him. Her friends encourage her to take her time, and assure her that he’ll love her, whenever she’s ready. And she better get ready because just then, Nick walks into their bar.

And I have to say, having Paget Brewster and Clark Gregg as parents??? Sophie won the TV parent lottery.

Class of ’09 Episode 104: “Not Your Girlfriend”

Written by Valerie Anne

I am WEAK for these two. Weak.

Despite leaving Future Poet in the arms of Future Hour last week, we don’t see them have a nice quiet breakfast together the next day. In fact, Future Poet goes to see Future Lennix, and when they muse about how they didn’t work out, Future Lennix accuses her of mistrusting what’s good. They then both turn off their tech prosthetics, her eye and his arm; I thought her eye was a voluntary implant for FBI duties, but now I’m starting to wonder if they both got injured in an event we have yet to see.

The Present Class is trying to use Hour’s technology in a suspect interview, during which time Present Poet and Present Hour stand shoulder to shoulder, looking amazing. Present Poet worries about infiltration, and Present Hour jokes about lying on her polygraph; and sure enough, someone has indeed infiltrated and shoots a bunch of recruits and also Drew, and then they put something in the concrete that somehow infects the entire foundation in minutes, leading the ENTIRE BUILDING to collapse.

Now I saved the Past for last because it’s where we have the most gay activity this week, however slight. It starts with Past Hour telling her parents she got into the FBI and them accusing her of wasting her MIT education. She wants to be part of something, and wants to change things; but her mother thinks she’s just lonely. Her parents say there are other ways to rebel against them, to be different than them, and Past Hour wrings her hands under the table because they don’t know the half of it.

When Past Hour has to take her polygraph, she asks a lot of questions, including why they don’t collect the data in a central location so they can have help interpreting polygraph results so they’re not as subjective; of course the person administering the test takes that as a personal attack on his abilities and brushes her off.

Later, in the dorms, Past Hour watches Past Hour get ready for her date with the saddest, gayest hearteyes. Poet wonders if she’s wasting her time and Hour says, “falling in love is not a distraction,” though whether she’s telling Poet or herself is anyone’s guess. Poet sits on Hour’s bed and says she feels guilty, and Hour says she’s felt that guilt too. She says for her, it’s because…she pauses, then quickly adds “I’m not married,” though there’s a hint of something else there. She thinks for Poet it’s her work ethic. Poet starts telling Hour about her mom giving up dating in order to be the best single mom she could be, and Hour is so moved by her vulnerability in this moment that she can’t resist leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. Poet smiles softly and her eyes dart from Hour’s eyes to her lips but then there’s a knock on the door that interrupts them. It’s training office Drew, here to warn Poet against dating fellow FBI agents (men specifically) because it ends up coming down harder on the woman, no matter the situation. Which is Reason #72 why she should just date Hour instead.

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