This is a call to arms!
For those of us who have gathered our winnings from last night and are preparing for the meaning of November — eating leftover Halloween candy — be warned that our snack of choice is under attack. Why, you may ask? I truly can’t tell you but if the Autostraddle team’s conversation from earlier this week is any indication, we may be in the minority here.
But fear not, dear friends, and keep fast on the path to righteousness! I, for one, shall not be swayed. My love for the sugary, marshmallow goodness of a candy corn nugget is forever. The way the tiny white tip contrasts against the stark orange center before a reverse ombre cascade into yellow…it’s perfection!
But behold the dissention below. Know thine enemy and gather ye little orange, yellow, and white striped soldiers lest they be tossed out with lesser candies! Colonels, grab your kernels and raise your voices high against the naysayers!
Jehan: [I have] so many thoughts about halloween candy!
specifically about the superiority of candy corn and fun size twix
Dani Janae: Yeah I’m here to defend candy corn with my life
natalie: superiority of candy corn?!
Abeni: candy corn is garbage
2nd worst halloween candy after circus peanuts
natalie: absolutely Abeni.
Jehan: where and why is this candy corn hatred?!
Abeni: because it’s gross and nearly flavorless, like eating a waxy booger
Dani Janae: It’s literally just sweet marshmallow goodness. Taste like heaven, also very cute
vanessa: i’m team candy corn is awful
Abeni: candy corn? marshmallow??? those are ENTIRELY different textures, flavors…
i do NOT see the comparison AT ALL
Christina Tucker: what is THE TEXTURE OF CANDY CORN EVEN
Jehan: Dani Janae and i are co-captains of the candy corn boat
natalie: i did not foresee a team candy corn defense emerging. this is more mind-blowing to me than shane and jenny shippers even.
Abeni: right? i thought we were all in agreement that candy corn is terrible
Dani Janae: Perhaps your taste buds aren’t mature enough to appreciate its unique flavor profile
Abeni: funny i thought it was something only children like!!! *shots fired*
because they like sugar. they’d probably eat straight sugar if it was easier
Jehan: like many adult flavors it’s an acquired taste
himani: Candy corn texture makes me think of eating plastic
It’s almost like stale candy…..
Christina Tucker: DO candy corn people like Peeps also
Jehan: ew no to peeps
Abeni: wait i hear talk of peeps and marshmallows. are y’all thinking of circus peanuts
we’re talking about candy corn right
Christina Tucker: Yes, I just wonder since candy corn has no taste apart from “sugar”
and peeps are also…mostly just sugar
Jehan: yes but peeps look and taste creepy
Christina Tucker: looks at candy corn image
Jehan: candy corn is fun with seasonally appropriate colors
himani: Does microwaving peeps make it any better? I know that’s a thing people do…?
The only thing worse than candy corn in my book is chocolate candy corn
Dani Janae: I hate peeps because they’re ugly
Christina Tucker: what is CHOCOLATE Candy corn
Jehan: thank you!
Christina Tucker: WHY is chocolate candy corn
Jehan: what sort of creature is a peep?
it’s for those without access to caramel candy corn
Dani Janae: I think they’re mostly ducklings or bunnies but they just end up looking like pastel blobs with eyes
Christina Tucker: I’m sorry
are you telling me right here in 2019
that candy corn’s flavor profile is….CARAMEL
I shan’t
himani: OMG there’s caramel??!!!!
Jehan: Dani Janae agreed, but sometimes the beaks/noses look weird and they’re like hybrid avian platypuses or something
himani: Like who even came up with this……
Jehan: THERE IS CARAMEL
himani: What does it even taste like??
Does it actually have the texture of caramel?
Jehan: no it’s still candy corn texture
himani: I can’t even….
This is the kind of thing I’ll get suckered into eating and then being sad about how gullible I am
Christina Tucker: this is so darksided
Dani Janae: ‘‘Tis the season
Jehan: :crystal_ball:
himani: So here’s my other question about candy corn like in what context does one eat it? Like I don’t know that I ever got it trick or treating because it’s sold in big bags? I think?
I’ve only ever had it in like, I dunno an office of some kind
Dani Janae: It’s very much a candy bowl at a party treat
Jehan: usually in a big bowl yeah
himani: Ok but then is the host leftover with a giant bowl of candy corn?
Jehan: at some autumnal gathering
himani: What do you do at that point?
Christina Tucker: Leave the state
change your name
start a new life
himani: Hahaha
Christina Tucker: away from the candy corn
Dani Janae: No take the candy corn with you
himani: Or maybe you just put it in a tupperware until next year?
Malic White: Candy Corn Pizza
Dani Janae: AHHHHH
natalie: thats the scariest thing i’ve ever seen
himani: OMG what???!!!
Malic White: Nothing is more American than taking a candy that looks like a GMO crop and putting it on more candy that looks like pizza.
Dani Janae: Is it supposed to look like bugs?
Christina Tucker: AND it has RAISINS my enemy??
himani: I mean raisins have their time and place
This seems like neither the time nor the place
Jehan: i will concede the pizza is several steps too far
Christina Tucker: nice to know reason remains
Jehan: sweet pizza is an oxymoron
Dani Janae: Candy corn is a delicacy to be enjoyed one by one
Jehan: TRUTH
or, like one handful by one handful
Christina Tucker: It’s so hard to be the voice of reason here
Abeni: candy corn wars 2019
vanessa: i’m so upset.
i step away from my computer for 10 minutes and i come back to that PIZZA?!?!
is nothing sacred??!?!?!?!?!?!
Abeni: hmm it is the pizza party friday thread
vanessa: hahahaa
okay well this convo has proven that candy corn may indeed be the thing we need to discuss on nov 1, much to my…abject horror
Dani Janae: Candy corn wars where 2 fought against many
himani: I’m not sure what “winning” would mean in this context?
Shelli Nicole: also, I’m down for candy corn cocktails around this time of year but that’s it – i mean honestly though – it’s not that bad
wait – maybe it is that bad and I don’t know if because its covered by booze?!
Jehan: Candy corn cocktails?? Please say more
vanessa: nooooooooooooooooo
(jk plz continue but also just like ahhhhhhhhhh)
Shelli Nicole: in my experience at bars its a cute little melted garnish or blended drink…but in my apartment it’s me chewing candy corn and taking shots. Tom cruise I am not
himani: So I read a lot more NPR than I listen to. Anyways I’m sharing this for the last paragraph: “Oh, there’s still a perennial Halloween debate that we’re not going to solve here. Even after years of controversy, the Code Switch team is split on this one: Is candy corn good or bad? We’d love to know what side you’re on.”
vanessa: lol NPR stealing our sweet sweet candy corn content!!!
natalie: The most popular Halloween candy in every U.S. state
himani: oh my goodness look at all that candy corn on that map…
natalie: the first time in my life that candy corn has been useful, tbh
here are the places that i definitely should not move
himani: i was trying to figure out what NJ is
but it’s too small to make out
natalie: New Jersey ― Tootsie Pops
laneia: just here to confirm TN
those mfers
Dani Janae: PA is a variety pack?
himani: tootsie pops??!! on the one hand I’m like :face_vomiting: must move, on the other hand I’m like “well they did have pretty good advertising, always loved those owl commercials”
Christina Tucker: Huge candy corn news
i was “literally this second” years old omg pic.twitter.com/UVwP2vxGTd
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) October 30, 2019
Dani Janae: Would love to take a bite out of that CORN COB jk would definitely die of a sugar overload
Okay, tell me how much you love candy corn in the comments, bye! Tell us your favorite candy corn stories, triumphs, and recipes! Or…I guess if you wanna talk about other candy that’s fine because #inclusion. Happy November.
ok but what are circus peanuts
An Abomination.
Stale pale orange marshmallows
Don’t bring politics into this
British me is nearly as bewildered by this as I was by your ‘cereal’ article
British me thought I had an in with the mention of circus peanuts, but then another commenter asked what they are and a quick Google later I realise they are not peanuts in the shell but in fact some odd looking American sweets.
You’re not alone
the fact that i am the editor who signed off on this is proof that FREEDOM OF SPEECH EXISTS ON AUTOSTRADDLE DOT COM because this article is so deeply upsetting i cannot even
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish my meme could have made the cut
Tell us the taket of your meme, Abeni
Uh I meant take
Like, the story
Like, damn you to hell phone, what the frick is a taket
TALE OMG
PHONE
i don’ t know how to embed an image or even a link in a comment otherwise i’d just link it! but it’s based on https://pbfcomics.com/comics/skub/ i’m sure you can fill in the blanks lol
I have filled all my blanks with skub, and am validated thereby
Candy corn doesn’t just taste like sugar! It has a wonderful carmel-ly buttery flavor and I love it. It is something I like in moderation, I can get sick of it if I eat too much. But every fall I’m definitely ready for some more!
I feel seen by this comment
1) Candy corn is fine in small doses.
2) Isn’t candy corn more fondant than marshmallow?
3) Kids DO eat straight sugar. It’s called Pixy Stix. “Pixy Stix. ‘Cause kids can’t afford crack.”
Ok but put Candy Corn and Honey Roasted Peanuts together. It cuts through the sickening amount of sweetness in Candy Corn and leaves you with the taste of a salted nut roll.
Pixy Stix, pff. In my day we just poured Kool Aid powder into our mouths right out of the container
In my day, we dyed our hair with Kool-Aid.
Lik M Aid Fun Dip: How lesbians get made.
Oh my, I remember that candy!
Not a fan of candy corn, but like Circus Peanuts. Related, caramel corn is great!
I was a big fan of anything unpopular enough I could get away with not sharing that also satisfied my “don’t step on a crack” need to eat each section of any candy one by one
Me too!
I like candy corn and this article is a good reminder to try to get some at half price today. I would get sick of it if I ate it too much, but for a once a year seasonal treat it’s good. I also like the conversation hearts that are out for Valentine’s Day, and will stock up on those.
I think candy corn is kinda like halloween caviar—you only need a little and not all palates can handle it
I’m convinced people who hate candy corn have never sat down with a nice fresh bag of Brach’s candy corn. I’ve had generic and it’s garbage. I bought a small bag from Target a couple of weeks ago, and that stuff was HEAVEN. It was sweet af, for sure, so I guess if you don’t like sugar (what?) you might not like it, but I think it’s so darn good.
Worst Candy Ever:
1. Circus Peanuts
2. Candy Corn
That’s it. That’s the list.
Have you had Mary Janes or Bit-O-Honey, though?
Mary Janes’ biggest sin is that they look like caramel but do not taste like caramel…and for that, they can never be forgiven…
HOWEVER.
Nothing will ever be worse than circus peanuts and candy corn.
Nothing.
Bit-O-HoneyBit-O-Honey isn’t candy, is something you slip into the pockets of your enemies to decrease their quality of life.
THIS IS ROOT BEER BARREL ERASURE. IN A WORLD WITH FIZZY SODA CANDY, FLAT SODA CANDY SHOULD JUST NOT BE A THING
Ha ha ok but I like root beer candy so that can’t be right
Listen, my mother and I love candy corn so much that one year (at my request) she shipped me a bag to Siena so that I could offer it to my Italian Anthropology professor and her assistant. They thought it was…very sweet.
If you happen to have one of those wrist rocket slingshots you can put a piece of candycorn right through the side of a glass bottle. Crappy jelly beans work a little better though. Anyway if you like target shooting with a slingshot but don’t want to worry about anyone getting badly hurt by a stray shot, cheap after-holiday candy makes remarkably good ammunition.
I’m not sure why you would eat it, honestly.
And if it DID hit you it’s full of enough sugar that it’d self-sterilize the wound
I think candy corn is delicious (especially in small munching doses). In high school my family hosted a student from Spain and candy corn was one of her favorite American things, we even brought her some when visiting years later.
CANDY CORN BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER
It really does!
I rebuke this entire article.
Candy corn is an abomination and an affront to all of humanity with circus peanuts riding shotgun.
All candy is gross, fight me
No no no your right you’re so right but sometimes we’re gross people with terrible urges
For instance, the secretary in my office brings in those hard strawberry with gooey center candies and I…..
I eat them sometimes
*gasp*
But I mean.. put a plate of cookies in front of me and I will lose all pretense at self-restraint, so
It wouldn’t be a fight it would be a slaughter with my flavour powers and arcane food history knowledge.
For example gingerbread started out as a candy.
Anything ginger gets a pass by default. Also chocolate
So it is the sugary and/or manufactured sour things you hate?
Yes. And marshmallows can fuck right off into oblivion
That marshmallow statement makes it official you have my mother’s taste in sweets.
“you have my mother’s taste in sweets” sounds like an insult thrown down in the middle of a duel
In a Monty Python movie
Between two upper class twits
Having made a statement that sounds like insult thrown down in the middle of a duel between two upper class twits in a Monty Python is made 50% funnier by the fact I’m a generation away from having had roadkill for dinner. :P
Been nibbling on candy corn all day.
Circus peanuts are gross but my least favorite are those dyed red candy coated real peanuts.
Team candy corn is sugar and when you NEED sugar it’s okay in small doses, but holy crap don’t let a bag of candy corn sit around or you’ll have a murder brick made of congealed candy corn that might be stuck to the surface the bag was placed on.
How’s life y’all?
I finally figured out the best way to get cake batter into mini muffin papers is with a literal baby spoon. As in the tiny fuckin spoons designed to feed babies.
Why I have a baby spoon I’m not sure but it likely has something to do with spice mixing or jelly cookies and pastry.
I’m probably on my way to becoming one of those people with cooking/baking paraphernalia hanging from the ceiling and random jars of “stuff” on every surface.
I am those people
!!!
Hard no thanks to anything with gelatin.
Guise spotify is such a terrible influence for someone who already has a raccoon-like circadian rhythm and a perfectionism streak.
Out of my (I’m not going to even go count) playlists I’ve started only one feels complete and is public. Or is it? I’m not going to check, nope nope.
Too busy dancing in place to remixes of Scandroid’s Thriller cover.
And uh this one time I watched some Halloween episode of screwball cooking contest where Guy Fieri the host could toss random ingredients into the contestants baskets.
One poor dude got candy corn and the best he could do with it was incorporate it into like a salad vinaigrette. The food processor got stuck so Guy hopped in there and helped transfer the candy corn brickette into a big ass blender.
Imagine candy corn dust in salad.
I am team candy corn. Having lived in Europe for over a decade, the only things I miss about America are: more black and brown people (soz Europe), collard greens/soul food and candy corn. Each year I go on a quest to find beautiful, pure honey candy corn, because it is the perfect hedonistic Halloween treat, something that probably shouldn’t be consumed in massive amounts (cos sugar), but I do happily every year like clockwork. Fight me, non candy corn believers!
Candy corn for me is a weird and exotic treat from the US, disgusting but moreish. I can’t think of any redeeming features but I can’t stop eating them. Never had peeps.