Boobs on Your Tube: Andrea Zuckerman Is Queer on “BH90210” — Your Gaydar Was Correct, ’90s Kids

Boobs, they’re on your tubes! This week, Nel recapped a beautiful and emotional episode of Pose (aren’t they all). Natalie recapped the midseason finale of Good Trouble, feat. Rhea Butcher behaving badly. Meg Jones Wall. brought you the news that there’s an upcoming queer lady relationship on Bachelor in Paradise. Valerie gave you a peek at the bisexual superhero lighting up Amazon’s The Boys. And Drew shared why she loves and hates Euphoria.

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ grown-ish wrapped up its second season this week without a major storyline for Nomi but she seemed intent on putting the mess with Professor Hewson Shane behind her. She spends the episode waiting for a call about an internship at the ACLU but, instead, gets a call from the Cal U Independent Ethics Committee who is investigating allegations of inappropriate conduct against Shane. — Natalie

+ No Lori or Carly on this week’s episode of Ambitions, but next week’s episode looks explosive and I fear that Carly’s mother, Stephanie, might just get her wish. — Natalie


Claws 309: “Melba Toast”

Written by Natalie

It’s possible that Arlene’s gotten more screen time since they killed her.

Because reality has become too hard for Ann Zayas to bear, this week’s episode of Claws starts in a dream world: she’s in a park with her future daughter flying a rainbow kite that escapes in the Florida breeze. The girl rushes to her mother, who urges her daughter to cry if she needs to, but Arlene steps in and reminds them that losing something you love doesn’t mean that you’ve lost everything.

Later, Ann wakes up and overhears Virginia and Jennifer trying to talk Desna out of murdering Melba as Benedict ordered. Still believing that Mac killed Arlene, Ann’s ready to avenge her wife’s death by killing his. Desna nixes that idea right away and pledges to handle Melba on her own. But when the opportunity arises for Desna to pull the trigger, she can’t do it, so she’s forced to enlist her crew for help…and, of course, Ann insists on being a part of the scheme. When Melba refuses to go along willingly, Ann coldcocks her — to which Jen says, “you’re gonna be a great mom” — and the crew drags her into the van.

They take Melba back to the salon until they can figure out what to do. Ann’s ready to take her out for all the havoc she’s wreaked in their lives but Melba buys herself some time by telling Ann the truth: Benedict killed Arlene. The admission creates a schism between Desna and her crew but they’re still left with a decision about getting rid of Melba. After Dean intercedes, they opt to stage Melba’s death instead of killing her, only to watch her get run-over by a truck like she’s a British lesbian or something.

Later, Desna turns on the radio and Ann’s song is playing. She imagines herself dancing with Arlene who urges her wife to build another kite. Ann doesn’t want to but Arlene insists that she must, just give it time. They share a kiss and Arlene disappears again. Heartbroken, Ann grabs her bat and heads for the salon’s exit. When Desna calls out, Ann echoes Arlene’s words — “I’m gonna need some time,” she says — and leaves Desna standing alone.


Ackley Bridge 308

Written by Natalie

I love this show so much.

The odds were always against Nasreen Paracha: the lesbian daughter of Pakastani immigrants, raised by a single mother among the working poor in Yorkshire, England…the chances of her making it out of Ackley Bridge and to the ivoriest of ivory towers, Oxford University, were so infinitesimal, that only Nas could imagine it. And then, just as the dream comes into focus — not just for Nas, but for everyone in Ackley Bridge — she and her best friend, Missy, are hit by a car. Though Nas survives the accident, part of her dies along with Missy, including the part of her that believes that she deserves to go to Oxford.

For the last few weeks, the people around Nas have been trying to revive that part of her and, for a while, it seemed to be working. But when her Biology exam doesn’t go as hoped, Nas throws in the towel: giving up on her dream once and for all and opting to move to Manchester with Naveed and Sam to work instead. Her mother responds to the new plan in classic Kaneez fashion: though she’s initially reluctant, she travels to Manchester with the new flatmates — during Pride, no less — and ends up willing to accept whatever makes Nas happy.

But Nas can barely keep up the facade. Even if she can’t say it aloud, Nas is scared of dreaming of a better life for herself, lest that dream be shattered too. Kaneez sees who her daughter is, what she’s capable of and what she’s too afraid to want, and decides to want it enough for the both of them. The next morning, she drives to Oxford to win her daughter her spot back.

“I know she still want all this. It’s all she ever wanted and she deserve it because of everything she been through,” Kaneez tearfully confesses to the admissions officer. “I can’t make you see that, I can’t make you feel the pain and the loss. But she deserve to be here more than anyone.”

Miraculously, it works: she wins Nas’ spot back. When she returns home, Nas is reluctant to say yes — she’s promised Naveed she’d go to Manchester, after all — but her mother begs her to put herself first. Nas agrees and is forced to disappoint Naveed and Sam with her change of plans. We don’t get to hear what she tells Sam, only witness the shift from hope to heartbreak as “Both Sides, Now” plays in the background. Before she leaves Ackley Bridge, she says a final goodbye to her best friend.

“We can go now, Missy, just like you said. Same time. Same place. Same day,” Nas shouts to the heavens as she scatters her best friend’s remains.


BH90210 101: “The Reunion”

Written by Carmen

I think this means that my teenage fantasy of making out with Angelina Jolie is one step closer to reality! (I’m kidding. But a girl can dream.)

I’ve never seen the original Beverly Hills 90210. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a lover of all things gaudy teen soap opera! It’s just that when the show premiered in 1990, I was only four years old. At least I know who Shannen Doherty is, and Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling. Still, I’m probably the worst choice to recap this show.

But last night I was restless and thought that some iconic ‘90s nostalgia might help, so I clicked on BH90210, and y’all I have never been happier with a decision. It’s soapy and ridiculous and perfect for August. The entire reboot is a show within a show! The basis is that the cast is cast joining back together to relaunch 90210 in real time; everyone is playing heightened versions of… themselves. Much like real life, Tori Spelling has a reality show that went bankrupt, no one remembers who Jenny Garth is, dramatic horror music plays whenever Shannen Doherty enters the scene, etc etc.

Gabrielle Carteris (AKA Andrea Zuckerman) is now the head of a fake topsy turvy world SAG-AFTRA (real life Gabrielle Carteris is the real life head of real life SAG-AFTRA, the screen actors guild). She’s in a marriage to a man that we don’t get to learn a lot about yet, but she seems very focused on her career and maybe a little unsatisfied in her personal life. At a 90210 fan convention, she meets this hot queer fan and bartender with a small septum piercing who is played by none other than ALI LIEBERT AKA BETTY MCRAE FROM BOMB GIRLS AKA THE LOVE OF MY YOUNG LIFE. Ali showed up and immediately I sat forward in my chair – if she’s in the scene, something gay is definitely afoot.

Hot Ali Liebert makes Gabrielle a drink at her bar. She tells her that Andrea Zuckerman was more than just her favorite character on the show – she was her gay root. The Suze Orman blazer, the pantsuits, how could a girl resist? Then, after flirting back and forth for a while, she asks Gabrielle if they could fulfill a teenage fantasy of hers.

That’s when they kiss!

I promise you, I couldn’t make this up, in the greatest 90s callback of all time, just as the kiss gets going –  Ace of Base’s “I Saw The Sign” starts ramping up overhead! Gabrielle walks away so stunned and overcome that she literally trips over a ball stool. It’s sweet and dorky and perfect. We still rarely get to see a woman in her 40s or 50s navigate their sexuality or coming out stories. I’m ready for this ride.

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9 Comments

  1. On “The Rook”: Gestalt finally gets in on the news that Myfanwy has had her memory erased. Gestalt is extremely upset that Myfanwy didn’t trust them enough to tell them, but it’s been an extremely tense five days for her. The five of them then proceed to have a fight, and things are messy. Feeling a LITTLE put out Gestalt decide, in a moment of weakness, to have a thing with Monica. Naturally in the meantime Myfanwy has figured out that strong emotions help bring her memories back. She goes to Gestalt and asks them to please, PLEASE take her someplace they used to go so that she can try to remember what they used to have….while they’re in the middle of having sex with Monica. It’s so messy, and I love it so god damn much.

    https://delicatelyburningsandwich.tumblr.com/post/186764852445/meanwhile-myfanwy-is-so-happy-she-remembered-a

  2. Wait. What. There’s a reboot of Beverly Hills 90210.

    Wow. I was in college when it came on the air so it didn’t have a huge impact on me but I watched enough of the first few seasons that I think I might enjoy this. Curious how they handle Luke Perry’s death.

    • I think this is the second reboot of it, cause CW network had a reboot/continuation too, that was a whole new cast, with a few cameos from the original show, including Andrea Zuckerman and Brian Austin Green. I was driving by the Fox studios lot last week, where outside they had a big billboard promoting the show, which before that didn’t know existed.

  3. I was in elementary school and middle school when 90210 show first came out. I remember watching it cause it was something friends were talking about and Fox kept advertising. I didn’t mind it as a kid, but then later grew up to realize it’s a bit of revisionist history of the city. It has nothing to do with the fact that the irl the Beverly High is only public HS in the area pretty much at the western border of the city(to a point where the other side of the west-facing wall is another city). What irks me is the fact that irl 45-50% of the city is immigrants from Asia, predominantly Western Asia, and the show doesn’t reflect that. What I am trying to say is give me a West Asian lbtq woman on the show. Maybe have Andrea date Sara Shahi?

  4. Heads Up for a fanastic new show written and starring my fellow countrywoman Aisling Bea called This Way Up.
    It’s about a woman called Aine who tries to pull her life together after a nervous breakdown. Sharon Horgan stars as her sister. Think Fleabag but quintessntaly Irish.

    I saw the ad for it and caught a glimpse of Indira Varma (who I’ve loved since Torchwood) and instantly thought wouldn’t it be nice if this show was a bit gay. And I was right!. It’s airing on Channel 4 in the UK at the moment and will be available on Hulu from the 21st of Aug.

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