Welcome to an all-new incarnation of Boobs on Your Tube! In an effort to free up our TV Team’s time and creativity and bring your more standalone posts on social media and the front page of Autostraddle dot com, all Boobs Tube write-ups will be Quick Hit-style pieces going forward. We hope this adjustment will help you keep up with your favorite shows and give you a place to chat about them while allowing our team to flex their creative muscles even more!
This week, Heather made a list of some swoony and sexy lesbian and bisexual TV dancing and had a little cry over the first Tales of the City trailer. Riese unveiled our Spring 2019 TV Preview! And she and Kristin released the first episode of To L and Back out into the world! Valerie Anne recapped a Legends road trip, and Kalya reviewed the new season of Sabrina.
Some reminders from the TV Team:
+ Some TV returns that might be relevant to your interests: Game of Thrones (HBO, 4/14) and Arrow (The CW, 4/15). — Natalie
+ The Derry Girls season two finale aired this week and while there wasn’t anything gay about it, it was one of the most moving episodes of a comedy I’ve ever seen. Such well earned tears from me! — Heather
Here’s what else!
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 417: “I’m in Love”
Written by Valerie Anne
As much as I felt sort of lukewarm about Crazy Ex-Girlfriend this last season, I have to admit the finale got me in my nostalgia. The call-backs were perfect, and the monologue was lovely, and the flash forward to one year later was the perfect wrap-up. By the way, Valencia proposed to Beth after all, because she’s growing.
(But also had a drone ready to take their photos immediately, because she’s still Valencia.)
After courting three boys, Rebecca chose herself in the end, which was really the only way it could go. And then the loop closed on a meta note when Rebecca decided to start writing down the songs in her head and start her career as a songwriter.
I’ll admit I haven’t watched the post-finale concert yet (cleverly titled “Yes, It’s Really Us Singing”) but I’ll save that for a rainy day.
Roswell, New Mexico 111: “Champagne Supernova”
Written by Valerie Anne
Have I mentioned lately how obsessed I am with the fact that this show names all their episodes after the songs of my youth? It’s so great. Anyway, this week we find out for sure that it wasn’t Isobel in love with Rosa but the fourth alien who was possessing her, and for a while Maria was suspected of having killed Rosa because she’s still obsessed with all her favorite songs etc but I still stand by the theory that Maria was IN LOVE with her. (And we proved Maria’s innocence.) Also I know this is a dude thing but Michael and Max had a really great moment where Max found out Michael slept with Maria and was like, “I thought you were gay,” and Michael points out that they’re literally not even from this planet so why is he applying such a basic binary to him just because of the heteronormative society they were raised in? He sighs, exasperated, and says, “I’m bisexual, Max. It’s not that complicated.” :mic drop: I’m pretty sure every time a bisexual says the word “bisexual” on TV a dragon gets its wings and I feel good about this year’s flock.
The Good Fight 305: “The One Where a Nazi Gets Punched”
Written by Natalie
Everything that happened at Reddick-Boseman last week — from Diane telling Maia her job was safe to Jay’s reaction to the pay disparity to Maia ultimately being fired — was justifiable. But, from our vantage point, as fans of Maia, it certainly doesn’t seem fair and, from Maia’s vantage point — seemingly, as the sacrifical lamb for the firm’s inequity woes — it seems particularly cruel.
That cruelty’s driven Maia back to cubicle life at “Consult-a-Lawyer,” a pay-per-minute legal helpline. She’s seething with bitterness over her dismissal, even directing her ire at two of her closest allies, Diane and Lucca. Worried that she’ll be stuck at “Consult-a-Lawyer” for years, she puts aside her animosity towards her godmother and accepts the interviews Diane’s set up at three Chicago law firms. But when Maia discovers that none of the job prospects will provide the immediate relief that she so desperately needs, her anger boils over…and, sadly, it’s at that exact moment that Lucca shows up. She’s been trying to reach out to Maia all day but Lucca’s been stuck in the middle of nowhere — poll watching and fighting Nazis — and they haven’t been able to connect. She admits that she misses Maia and invites her out to dinner to dispel the awkwardness between them. Maia, of course, declines.
“Lucca, everything’s fine,” Maia says, the timbre in her voice suggesting otherwise. Before closing the door on Lucca, she cruelly adds, “We were work friends.”
Was that the last we’ll see of Maia Rindell on The Good Fight? I certainly hope not but it definitely felt like the show was, quite literally, shutting the door on this character. There’s so much potential to mine with Maia, particularly as she starts to rebuild her career as a Maia Henson (née Rindell) but it seems like the show just doesn’t know what to do with the character.
Some other Good Fight highlights: Diane and Liz dueting on Prince’s “Raspberry Beret” and this week’s short, “The Legend of John Barron.”
Boomerang 110: “Trust”
Written by Carmen
This is just super quick update that Boomerang wrapped up its first season on BET and both Tia and Rocky are still together and happy. In fact, Rocky has made herself a regular member of the girls’ crew, and it’s my biggest hope that Kim Alex Hall gets upped to a series regular for the show’s already announced second season. Obviously, any depiction of a black stud on television is devastatingly rare, but also we almost never get to see butches incorporated into a crew of girl friends. I love that Tia’s friends Simone and Crystal have not only been welcoming of Rocky, but have found real love for her. Plus, her low-key comic timing is impeccable.
The final episode of the season opens with the four girls hanging out on the steps at what I believe is Ari’s birthday party (if it isn’t his birthday party, there must have been some other reason for the very talented men and women strippers giving him a lap dance, but I digress).Simone’s just found out that her college love/ex-boyfriend is engaged. The girls do what any one of us would probably do in this situation: stalk this new chick’s instagram. Tia gleefully delights to learn that the subject of their insta-stalking speaks French and follows Tia back instantly, liking a few of her photos for good measure. “We Friends Now!,” she declares much to Simone’s ire.
Later, when Simone goes off, “She ain’t cuter than me.” Rocky counters, “Nah, I mean, she a little cuter than you.” The response is perfectly threaded and everyone laughs.
Ok. So yes, this is just a silly opening aside, and irrelevant to the main plot of the final episode, but I for one am happy to know that Tia and Rocky are going into their summer hiatus happy, among friends, and in peace.
Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists 104: “The Ghost Sonata”
Written by Carmen
Have y’all been watching the Pretty Little Liars sequel The Perfectionists? Heather warned us back in February that the new series was going to break up Alison and Emily’s happy ending. This week, after three episodes of dropping relationship crumbs here and there, it finally happened.
Emily haunts the entire episode, first when Alison sees a picture of Emily and their twin daughters on instagram. Emily’s no longer wearing her wedding ring. It’s really over this time. Emily hasn’t been able to move on past all of the couple’s lies during the PLL heyday. She can’t trust Ali and their marriage will not work like this. Ali confides to Mona, “I convinced myself that I came here with a clean slate, that I could prove to Emily that I could live a trustworthy life, maybe win her back. But I realize the truth is, it was just too hard to be there, close to her, knowing that we wouldn’t be together.”
Mona looks at one of her oldest friends with a love and understanding in her eyes that I thought she only saved for Hanna Marin,“I think you moved on, Alison. You just never said it out loud.”
After having the whole hour to reflect on her past, Ali finally decides to give Emily the one thing she really wants. She takes a glass of white wine to the head, pulls out her pen, and ends it. She signs her divorce papers.
There are VERY FEW happy endings for queer women on television. Emison was never my end game (I will love Paige McCullers until the day I die), but it certainly was for an entire segment of PLL fans who saw themselves in those two teen girls who were best friends long before they became romantic partners. I am so sorry that those fans had to witness a relationship they found themselves in, end off-screen, as an afterthought.