Boobs on Your Tube: A Happy Ending for Valencia and Beth, a Sad One for Alison and Emily

Welcome to an all-new incarnation of Boobs on Your Tube! In an effort to free up our TV Team’s time and creativity and bring your more standalone posts on social media and the front page of Autostraddle dot com, all Boobs Tube write-ups will be Quick Hit-style pieces going forward. We hope this adjustment will help you keep up with your favorite shows and give you a place to chat about them while allowing our team to flex their creative muscles even more!

This week, Heather made a list of some swoony and sexy lesbian and bisexual TV dancing and had a little cry over the first Tales of the City trailer. Riese unveiled our Spring 2019 TV Preview! And she and Kristin released the first episode of To L and Back out into the world! Valerie Anne recapped a Legends road trip, and Kalya reviewed the new season of Sabrina.

Some reminders from the TV Team:

+ Some TV returns that might be relevant to your interests: Game of Thrones (HBO, 4/14) and Arrow (The CW, 4/15). — Natalie

+ The Derry Girls season two finale aired this week and while there wasn’t anything gay about it, it was one of the most moving episodes of a comedy I’ve ever seen. Such well earned tears from me! — Heather

Here’s what else!


Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 417: “I’m in Love”

Written by Valerie Anne

As much as I felt sort of lukewarm about Crazy Ex-Girlfriend this last season, I have to admit the finale got me in my nostalgia. The call-backs were perfect, and the monologue was lovely, and the flash forward to one year later was the perfect wrap-up. By the way, Valencia proposed to Beth after all, because she’s growing.

Beth and Valencia kiss post-proposal, Beth on the bed and Valencia still on her knees beside it

Private proposals for the win! Get outta here with that Grand Gesture crap!

(But also had a drone ready to take their photos immediately, because she’s still Valencia.)

After courting three boys, Rebecca chose herself in the end, which was really the only way it could go. And then the loop closed on a meta note when Rebecca decided to start writing down the songs in her head and start her career as a songwriter.

I’ll admit I haven’t watched the post-finale concert yet (cleverly titled “Yes, It’s Really Us Singing”) but I’ll save that for a rainy day.


Roswell, New Mexico 111: “Champagne Supernova”

Written by Valerie Anne

Have I mentioned lately how obsessed I am with the fact that this show names all their episodes after the songs of my youth? It’s so great. Anyway, this week we find out for sure that it wasn’t Isobel in love with Rosa but the fourth alien who was possessing her, and for a while Maria was suspected of having killed Rosa because she’s still obsessed with all her favorite songs etc but I still stand by the theory that Maria was IN LOVE with her. (And we proved Maria’s innocence.) Also I know this is a dude thing but Michael and Max had a really great moment where Max found out Michael slept with Maria and was like, “I thought you were gay,” and Michael points out that they’re literally not even from this planet so why is he applying such a basic binary to him just because of the heteronormative society they were raised in? He sighs, exasperated, and says, “I’m bisexual, Max. It’s not that complicated.” :mic drop: I’m pretty sure every time a bisexual says the word “bisexual” on TV a dragon gets its wings and I feel good about this year’s flock.


The Good Fight 305: “The One Where a Nazi Gets Punched”

Written by Natalie

The Good Fight closes the door on our Maia and Lucca shipping hearts.

Everything that happened at Reddick-Boseman last week — from Diane telling Maia her job was safe to Jay’s reaction to the pay disparity to Maia ultimately being fired — was justifiable. But, from our vantage point, as fans of Maia, it certainly doesn’t seem fair and, from Maia’s vantage point — seemingly, as the sacrifical lamb for the firm’s inequity woes — it seems particularly cruel.

That cruelty’s driven Maia back to cubicle life at “Consult-a-Lawyer,” a pay-per-minute legal helpline. She’s seething with bitterness over her dismissal, even directing her ire at two of her closest allies, Diane and Lucca. Worried that she’ll be stuck at “Consult-a-Lawyer” for years, she puts aside her animosity towards her godmother and accepts the interviews Diane’s set up at three Chicago law firms. But when Maia discovers that none of the job prospects will provide the immediate relief that she so desperately needs, her anger boils over…and, sadly, it’s at that exact moment that Lucca shows up. She’s been trying to reach out to Maia all day but Lucca’s been stuck in the middle of nowhere — poll watching and fighting Nazis — and they haven’t been able to connect. She admits that she misses Maia and invites her out to dinner to dispel the awkwardness between them. Maia, of course, declines.

“Lucca, everything’s fine,” Maia says, the timbre in her voice suggesting otherwise. Before closing the door on Lucca, she cruelly adds, “We were work friends.”

Was that the last we’ll see of Maia Rindell on The Good Fight? I certainly hope not but it definitely felt like the show was, quite literally, shutting the door on this character. There’s so much potential to mine with Maia, particularly as she starts to rebuild her career as a Maia Henson (née Rindell) but it seems like the show just doesn’t know what to do with the character.

Some other Good Fight highlights: Diane and Liz dueting on Prince’s “Raspberry Beret” and this week’s short, “The Legend of John Barron.”


Boomerang 110: “Trust”

Written by Carmen

“The Beychella doc drops April 17th. So y’all already know what it is. Gather the Hive. Summon Blue Ivy. Get in Formation.”

This is just super quick update that Boomerang wrapped up its first season on BET and both Tia and Rocky are still together and happy. In fact, Rocky has made herself a regular member of the girls’ crew, and it’s my biggest hope that Kim Alex Hall gets upped to a series regular for the show’s already announced second season. Obviously, any depiction of a black stud on television is devastatingly rare, but also we almost never get to see butches incorporated into a crew of girl friends. I love that Tia’s friends Simone and Crystal have not only been welcoming of Rocky, but have found real love for her. Plus, her low-key comic timing is impeccable.

The final episode of the season opens with the four girls hanging out on the steps at what I believe is Ari’s birthday party (if it isn’t his birthday party, there must have been some other reason for the very talented men and women strippers giving him a lap dance, but I digress).Simone’s just found out that her college love/ex-boyfriend is engaged. The girls do what any one of us would probably do in this situation: stalk this new chick’s instagram. Tia gleefully delights to learn that the subject of their insta-stalking speaks French and follows Tia back instantly, liking a few of her photos for good measure. “We Friends Now!,” she declares much to Simone’s ire.

Later, when Simone goes off, “She ain’t cuter than me.” Rocky counters, “Nah, I mean, she a little cuter than you.” The response is perfectly threaded and everyone laughs.

Ok. So yes, this is just a silly opening aside, and irrelevant to the main plot of the final episode, but I for one am happy to know that Tia and Rocky are going into their summer hiatus happy, among friends, and in peace.


Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists 104: “The Ghost Sonata”

Written by Carmen

Have y’all been watching the Pretty Little Liars sequel The Perfectionists? Heather warned us back in February that the new series was going to break up Alison and Emily’s happy ending. This week, after three episodes of dropping relationship crumbs here and there, it finally happened.

Welcome to The Perfectionists, same Liars madness, new show title.

Emily haunts the entire episode, first when Alison sees a picture of Emily and their twin daughters on instagram. Emily’s no longer wearing her wedding ring. It’s really over this time. Emily hasn’t been able to move on past all of the couple’s lies during the PLL heyday. She can’t trust Ali and their marriage will not work like this. Ali confides to Mona, “I convinced myself that I came here with a clean slate, that I could prove to Emily that I could live a trustworthy life, maybe win her back. But I realize the truth is, it was just too hard to be there, close to her, knowing that we wouldn’t be together.”

Mona looks at one of her oldest friends with a love and understanding in her eyes that I thought she only saved for Hanna Marin,“I think you moved on, Alison. You just never said it out loud.”

After having the whole hour to reflect on her past, Ali finally decides to give Emily the one thing she really wants. She takes a glass of white wine to the head, pulls out her pen, and ends it. She signs her divorce papers.

There are VERY FEW happy endings for queer women on television. Emison was never my end game (I will love Paige McCullers until the day I die), but it certainly was for an entire segment of PLL fans who saw themselves in those two teen girls who were best friends long before they became romantic partners. I am so sorry that those fans had to witness a relationship they found themselves in, end off-screen, as an afterthought.

The Autostraddle TV Team is made up of Riese Bernard, Carmen Phillips, Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Valerie Anne, Natalie, and Heather Hogan. Follow them on Twitter!

The TV has written 75 articles for us.

15 Comments

  1. This week’s highlight of The Good fight to me was Jay speaking to the audience straight through the camera “it’s time to punch a few Nazis”

    There’s a time for subtlety in how tv shows deal with current issues and that time is NOT now. Well done The Good Fight.

    • @clochou I loved that scene of Jay speaking directly to the camera. Here’s the dialogue, in case anyone missed it…

      Is it alright to hit a Nazi unprovoked? I was always taught never to throw the first punch, never to instigate. Defend, but don’t attack. But then I saw a video of the white nationalist Richard Spencer being punched in the face during an interview. I realized Spencer was in a pressed suit, wearing a tie, being interviewed like his opinion mattered — like it should be considered part of the conversation, like neo-Nazism is just one political point of view. And then I realized there’s no better way to show some speech is not equal. Some speech requires a more visceral response. It’s like Overton’s window — that’s the term for which ideas are tolerated in public discourse. Well, Overton’s window doesn’t mean shit unless it comes with some enforcement. So yeah, this is enforcement. It’s time to punch a few Nazis.

      The thing that bothered me about the story, though, was that they sought to create a distinction between the Nazis and the Republicans. That might be technically accurate, but in reality, the GOP’s willingness to acquiesce to white nationalists makes them complicit. It would’ve been more realistic to have the Republican guy step over the Nazi in the bathroom and leave Jay to deal with all the fallout.

    • Emily and Paige had been my endgame, too. But I agree that it’s still rude and aggravating for the Emison fans to do it this way. Even if it’s for career/booking reasons for one of the actors, they could have done it as a short arc onscreen instead.

    • I was one of the only ones in my LGBT+ friends group that likes Emison, and although the lackluster last PLL season already cooled any passion the two seemed to have for one another (despite finally getting together) I refrained from watching the new PLL installment for exactly this reason. They would’ve had to break them up for storytelling. Also, no way they will give Alison another girlfriend ever.

  2. unrelated to this week’s boobtube but because of valerie anne’s plug last week, i’m most of the way through Legacies season one. i started off highly skeptical and now am highly invested! what won’t those magical queers do next

  3. just in case anybody is interested…

    the bold type
    all-for-one-for-all (afofa) is back. Sutton is flexing morning shower sex which Richard, which he suggests to make it a daily option now that they are official, but Sutton says cool, pause for now. Jane chose Pinstripe (ps), who doesn’t realize that his enjoyment for naked snack retrieval is going to bring Sutton home needing a prework change of clothes, and i’m thinking another shower because do you feel clean after putting on yesterday’s clothes? Kat, human sparkleshine, is crushed from her first 3l breakup, which was also her first love-love. afofa plot devices their way to work so Jane can get out of the cab to door prize bicycle-to-work feminist man (that guy/tg) new boss. //segue: stunt people, that was a super impressive handle bar flip over, which I appreciated more once tg started talking in the staff meeting, as was also tv ok to go about the rest of his life with no issues after completing his immediate deceleration at the pavement// tg’s get-to-know-you moves give our-best-friend Alex some plot time, Jane a story about him being that guy, and Kat some dramatic tension to be more social media as she has been social reticent in the absence of Adena. and tg also wants her to perform qpoc at a magazine event. Richard realizes that the thing Sutton worried about if they were a public couple is going to be an experience for him. Jane doesn’t love that her story about tg exposing himself for feminism at a previous work place somehow makes it not bad that a he is the boss of a she-oriented work place. but don’t worry, metoo’s not over because somehow standing up for women still involves a guy’s junk being out in the work place. Sutton flexes on an oldish white guy helping Richard to experience that thing that she was worried about, and Richard looks uncomfortable all the way around, but bears up like a woman. Kat performs some fabulous wlw social media because Adena is watching, but also tg. obf Alex does not make her feel bad about the drunk kiss she realizes was not right, and makes sure she gets home and up for the media event she has to talk at the next day. tg makes Kat feel bad for not bearing her currently painful private life in public for the magazine’s benefit. but don’t worry it resolves the show’s dramatic plot line because Kat can start letting Adena go, along with her stuff, so imminent sparkleshine. Jane and ps end the episode with naked kitchen behavior, Sutton has decided to have regular morning shower sex with Richard, so the hetero people are all happy. well, maybe not obf Alex, because he doesn’t get that much plot; and not Jacqueline because she has to keep being ok that tg has half of her job.

    i am happy for another show to be airing where things like afofa are happening.

    abby’s
    it’s free-alcohol day when cute lesbian spirit distributor makes a regularly scheduled stop at the bar offering samples of a new booze flavor – all spice vodka. kerfluffle ensues when lesbian spirit is revealed to have previously dated unremarkable bisexual Abby. //segue: unremarkable to everyone except obligatory straight white guy (oswg), who needs to spend the designated number of plot minutes making someones elses’ nonheterosexuality about him// regular patron Beth facilitates the episode drama when she learns that her emotional investment in Abby is not reciprocal, but also not unilateral. this discovery leads her to find the cat that Abby didn’t know she had. regular patron Fred rallies the troops to make the most of free-alcohol day’s unfortunate turn of events (all spice vodka), not letting the ‘free’ part of the day go to waste despite the ‘flavor’ part. regular patrons/staff Rosie and James take shots for the team.

    oswg gets 3 redemption points for liking cats. also, i vote for the cat to stay. i think the tabby could win over Abby, and feline persistence would be fun as a sub plot.

    grey’s
    Amelia and objectively handsome new attending (ohna) go to NY (shepherdville) to give a young man with crippling scoliosis a functional spine at a Fox hospital affiliate. they run into a Shepherd sister (Dr. GynoShepherd, 13 years between appearances), who persists until a dinner invitation is accepted. this is tricky because Amelia has not talked to her family for many seasons, because they are terrible and weaponize every life event they can. as they don’t know she is now divorced, Amelia panics and introduces ohna as Owen. rational in the moment because shepherdville and seattle are far apart in time and distance, that’s the episode anvil. GynoShepherd invites third sister Root(Dr. PsychSpeherd) on the sly, which turns out super not cool when she doesn’t bother to say one nice thing the entire night. Fourth sister Julia(Dr. NerveDonorShepherd) couldn’t make it. dinner is painful, until LaceyMotherShepherd anvil dropper arrives, unexpected by Amelia, ohna, and GynoShepherd. the jig is up because she met Owen on the same visit she met Meredith (10 years ago). the jig keeps upping when Amelia tries to show how she’s changed, revealing her larger storylines (tumor, coparenting). she and ohna leave, sparing everyone’s raw nerves further erstwhile plot points. they fight because relief is not always the first recognized feeling after really bad family dynamics are over, but are called back to the hospital to save the young man’s 1st spine fix with a new, better spine fix. seeing the young man’s brother freed from his role of caretaker facilitates prompts a conciliatory mood for Amelia and while GynoShepherd is not interested, MotherShepherd is looking for a reconciliation, which prompts with ohna. ohna is noted as was mostly ride-and-die for Amelia this trip. Amelia seems hopeful, and ohna seems generally positive, so best of luck. hoping the Owen plot line is over; he’s fine (i know, he’s not popular here, but look, i’m a gay lady and often don’t have opinions about cis/heterochromosonals that straight ladies like. but Megan, Teddy, Christina, Amelia, and Meredith all like/d Owen, one way or another, so, fine) but that thing should be over.

    also, Meredith is still with the wrong DeLuca – not that the right DeLuca is her style, but this pair is just so not right, more so than the not right she had with Riggs. (i somehow do have opinions about these cis/heterochromosonals, probably because 13 years of an interesting relationship leaves little room for bland ones) no sighting of the right Deluca this episode. no sightings of objectively handsome new resident and the not-straight interns.

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