“Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists” Tweaks Alison and Emily’s Happy Ever After

Author’s Note: This post has been updated to remove all spoilers. 

Long ago, in a town populated by hooded killers, possessed trains, tech-hacking ghosts, sentient school buildings, puppet devils, feckless fathers, wine moms in basements, pedophiles, homicidal clowns, face-swappers, resurrected youths, Cheeto-eating raccoons, and a law requiring every yard to have at least three barns a teenager could have sex or get axe-murdered in, a star was born. And that star was Mona Vanderwaal. On March 20th, my favorite little papier-mâché-ing psychopath will return to Freeform, in a different spooky town, in the same universe. Joining her will be airplane pilot Alison DiLaurentis, most famous for being pulled from her grave by an elderly, ice-eyed witch. The town is Beacon Heights. The show is Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists.

Now wait a dang second, you’re saying. You just wait an entire dang second. I thought that Alison DiLaurentis was part of #EmisonEndgame and she, like all the straight Liars in Rosewood, was the recipient of a happily ever after. Did she and Emily not rub their bare ankles together in bed in that series finale while their friends were seen having actual sex? And did Alison not wear a sweatshirt with a pug face on it while proposing to Emily with some surely-haunted family heirloom? And did Alison not give birth to the babies comprised of Emily’s stolen ovarian eggs and the sperm of a fake psychiatrist who was murdered by the chimney-sweepin’ secret British twin of their best friend?

Yes, all of those things happened. And yet! Alison has moved halfway across the country without her, in this new Perfectionists trailer. She still loves her family, though, and she pulls out a picture of those twins and puts it in the living room of her new eerie house to prove it.

They’re not living together, but at least Emily’s still alive? She was already pushing her luck, being a lesbian and a woman of color in Rosewood, PA. Marlene King says maybe Emily will make a guest appearance on the show, but that the core four Liars were ready to move on after seven seasons on PLL. For sure, though, you’re getting those babies.

Beacon Heights University is three time zones and thousands of miles away from Rosewood, but Alison’s luck follows her and dead bodies start piling up as soon she arrives. There’s a group of New Liars and they’ve all got secrets too.

I’d say The Perfectionists feels like PLL meets Gossip Girl meets Vampire Diaries meets How to Get Away With Murder. If Ezra Fitz came to town to do a guest lecture and got knifed straight to death, I might actually watch it. Alas, that will never happen and I won’t be able to get invested in it for the reasons I’ve already written ten hundred billion words about over these many years — but I thought you’d like to see this trailer. Only two can keep a secret, after all, if one of them is dead.

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle managing editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 889 articles for us.

10 Comments

  1. Oh god! I snickered to myself so many times while reading this.

    “Joining her will be airplane pilot Alison DiLaurentis”
    “It seems likely her resume just said “I’m A” and the school was like, “Perfect fit!””

    So many gems! Ahaha

    I’ll just focus on the hilarity of this article and ignore the shit show that is/was #Emison …

  2. I watched about six seasons of PLL with a friend. There was that recap episode in about season 4 or 5 when they summarised all of it up to that point in one episode. My friend and I were both “we could have saved so much time if we’d just watched this episode.

  3. I’ve removed all the mild spoilers from this post and reworked the headline in a way I hope is less inflammatory. You can make your own judgments about the state of the relationship of this fictional couple in a few weeks when the show premieres. I’ve also closed the comments to try to avoid any more trolls or harassment. Vandejesus’ blessings upon you.

    • I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this is probably a troll account. This “FreeformAccess” created an account to make a cease and desist attempt…on a comment on an article instead of either emailing Heather Hogan, Reise, or perhaps the Autostraddle corporate account directly or just…you know, calling them.

  4. “It seems likely her resume just said “I’m A” and the school was like, “Perfect fit!”

    Come on, if you had the chance to hire someone with hyperadrenalized reality, wouldn’t you?

  5. Well, well, well Marlene, we meet again. You shan’t best me this time though! I will not be investing a single second in this sure to be shit-show, you’ll have to do better than a lazy, forced spin-off to grab my attention, lady!
    Seriously though, when does it air?…

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