There’s absolutely nothing like getting all your holigay shopping done in one place. And you know what’s even better? When that place lives in the digital universe and you don’t even have to get dressed to get gifting! In order to assist you in living that dream, I’m here to act as your personal shopper in the Autostraddle store, and I’m gonna help you find some awesome Autostraddle merch for everyone.
That Person Who’s So Gay It’s Obnoxious: Scissoring Shirts and Sweatshirts
If you’re looking for the right gift for the person who says it loud and proud all the live-long day, look no further than our line of merchandise that I love deeply but still often fear wearing outside of my home.
Your Gay BFF: The Gal Pal Holiday Sweater
You’ll need to buy two, though, so you and your gal pal can match at the holigay meet-up you’re co-hosting together this month. Luckily, I can guarantee you’ll both look great and have the shiniest hair in the room. (PLUS! Since the shirt is available in two colors now, you can switch off who wears which one on which day and maximize your wardrobe.)
Your Activity Partner: Scissoring Boxer Briefs
Did you see that episode of 90 Day Fiancé this season where the Russian girl married the Mormon dude and they were both in their twenties and the “raciest” gift she got at her bridal shower was a totally normal nightgown for her wedding night courtesy of her new grandma-in-law? Well. Let’s just say this is not your Mormon grandma-in-law’s sexy time sleepwear.
Your Friend Who Lives Somewhere Warm: Queer Sultry Summer Zine
Having a loved one or a close friend who lives somewhere warm is a gifting opportunity full of awesome possibilities. You can scan the clearance rack for off-season merchandise that everyone else didn’t appreciate during it’s heyday! You can send hilarious gag gifts to her like inflatable tubes that go around your waist when you’re in the pool for Hanukkah! And you can send her this awesome zine so she can spend the warm days feeling sultry even when there’s non-stop Christmas music playing on her car radio because she programmed 103.5 KOST FM to be her #1 station on her faves list. Ahem.
The Cousin You Drink With Downstairs Every Time There’s a Family Get-Together: Liquor in the Flask
Everyone has one of these, right? I mean, I have one of these. I’d also recommend buying some sort of bright, like, silver or white metallic sharpie and filling in the blank on this flask before giving it to someone, just to make sure it’s really unique and special. If they’re gay, you’re gonna have a grand ol’ time figuring out what to say. If they’re not, maybe just write “time of need” so that they never understand the implied joke here for as long as you both shall live.
Your Ex-Girlfriend That You’re Still Friends With: Gal Pal Crop Tops, Hoodies, and Tee Shirts
Honestly, I just think this would be funny. Let’s all start this revolution.
The Queer DIY Grrl in Your Life: Scissoring Tote Bag
The only thing better than a double entendre is a bag that actually does do two completely separate tasks. By day, it can broadcast to everyone who comes into contact with her that she’s gay as fuck. By night, it can hold her knitting needles neatly under the computer desk in a completely unassuming manner.
Someone Who Just Came Out and Talks To You A Lot About It: OMG! I’m Gay Zine
WHY DIDN’T THIS EXIST WHEN I WAS THAT PERSON.
Someone Who Loses Everything In Their Big Backpack Just When They Need to Find It: Safe Space Pencil Case
Get it! Like, it’s an actual safe space for all of their most important pens, chargers, phones, cards, loose change, and college graduation pictures. Y’know. Just in case. Also makes a good gift for compulsive under-packers and over-travelers, people who are still enrolled in some form of school, and anyone you know who’s gay and also a teacher. I’m really into giving people who are TAs “teacher gifts” this year, like in my heart.
Someone Who Wears Leggings As Pants: Tomboy Femme Track Tee
Just saying that it’s a strong combination. I heard it from a friend.
Your Tenderqueer Friend: I Broke Up Like This Zine
If you know someone who can appreciate our most sincere and heartfelt break-up advice and feelings during the most wonderful time of the year, they deserve this. Also a suggested gift for the person you’re about to dump, as a courtesy.
Your Super-Fly Femme Girlfriend: Lazy Femme Tee
Everyone needs a shirt to chill out in, or grocery shop in, or walk the cat on a leash around the city streets in. For the lovely femme in your life, there’s no better shirt that says it all for their lazy days than this gorgeous hunk of fabric.
Literally Everyone You Know: Yes Cats! Zine
I don’t understand why this isn’t sold out yet.