Autostraddle Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry and ALSO Hot Girls Girls Girls

HELLO WORLD! We apologize for Epic Fail Monday when, in addition to our brief outage, which hopefully you are hearing about for the first time and which was Brooke’s fault, Alex and I were on an airplane flying cross-country (from Los Angeles to New Stork City) surrounded by a cacophony of screaming & hollering children and accidentally only posted one post. In our defense, we did change the title of the post mid-way through the day, which made it FEEL LIKE two posts!

For unrelated reasons, I spent most of the flight sighing loudly and pulling my eyeballs apart and/or not-sleeping with my eyes closed and head resting tenderly on Alex’s laptop case.

Anyhow, we’ll tell you all about our trip soon, it will be better than those slide shows other people’s families subjected you to in the 80’s. We also spoke to two actual humans who actually auditioned for The Real L Word Los Angeles and at any given night out were in immediate proximity to at least 4-5 cast members from any season of A Shot at Love and/or Gimme Sugar.

Here’s a photo of our little gang from Los Angeles, where I was v.busy and no, obviously that martini is not Haviland’s, it belongs to the thug in the orange hat Brooke:


Oh right. Because my brain hurts too bad to actually finish any of the posts that were supposed to go up today, instead I am going to give you the Top 10 Autostraddlers of All Time. Hopefully an intern can turn these things into links for me tomorrow.

Top Ten Autostraddlers of All Time
According to Us Right Now


10. The Blackout Sex Scene from Episode 510 of The L Word (NSFW):



9. This Photo by Frederico Erra



8. Angela Chase Thinks Deep Thoughts on Her Bicycle:



7. Ellen Von Unwerth is the Mistress of Autostraddling

Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell


6. Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider

Tomb Raider 0051


5. Drew Barrymore on Ellen Page:



4. Autostraddle Rodeo Disco:



3. The Girls Who Made Out at the Beach Volleyball Game


2. Natalie Portman in Closer



1. The L Word Shane and Carmen Lap Dance


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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3178 articles for us.


  1. ten points for using the word cacophony. a million points for showing me the drew barrymore/ellen page straddle again.

  2. I think this is the best present I have ever received at 8 am that wasn’t coffee. Also Ellen Von Unwerth’s photos of Monica Belluci are AMAZING!

    • Agreed. This made me pass on my coffee this morning. Jesus H. Christ himself could not make me pass on coffee at 7:30 in the morning. Autostraddle is clearly doing something right.

  3. i wish i’d taken a turn on that bull. i think i was too many whiskeysomethings in by the time people were drunk enough to start approaching it.

  4. This post is not conducive to my intervention. I am valiantly struggling to keep my dirty mind to myself.

  5. I think this was the best way to start my dreary Tuesday. I also had a Monday computer fail of an entirely different ilk and I’m still bitter about it. Hm, I think I need to scroll back up and feel better again…

  6. carmen de la pica morales is, and will always be, my number one feeling, as well as feelings 2 through 5. today my number 6 feeling is sweet dare shirt, alex.

  7. Jesus. Stupid Jenny.

    And thank you for showing me that picture of Drew and Ellen. I’d never seen it before and it’s… kinda hot.

    • I feel like it has incredible hot potential, but Ellen’s little fist hands scream “I’m just not that into this, Madam!” Major turn off.

      Also, maybe a stupid question BUT DEAR GAWD could someone tell me what Autostraddle actually means? I’m thinkin’ an addition to Urban Dictionary needs to happen.

  8. I figured Misty May was a top. P.s. I know I’m about 3 decades late commenting on this, but I can’t sleep and I heard that this website called autostraddle could cure insomnia so I decided to rifle through old articles like your girlfriends text messages. I hate that btw.. don’t do that. I don’t worry about that, though, because I don’t have text messages, or a girlfriend, or fingers. Is it morning? Am I drunk? Papa can you hear me?

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