Anonymous Sex Toy Review: The Lovehoney Bodystocking

feature image via Shutterstock

AUTOSTRADDLE ANONYMOUS SEX TOY REVIEW #49:

It’s our 49th Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Review! Over the last few years, sex toy companies and stores have propositioned us to review their toys in exchange for, you know, their toys.

This week, one of our anonymous reviewers tried out the Plunge V-Neck Crotchless Bodystocking from Lovehoney.

  • Material: 100% nylon (hand wash only)
  • Color: black
  • Size: one size fits UK dress sizes 6–14
  • Price: $20

lovehoney-plunge-bodystocking
If I had either wanted or expected this bodystocking to be a if not classy at least long-lived addition to my wardrobe I think I would have been really disappointed. Instead, it proved to be neither of those things and I unexpectedly loved it.

Straight out of the box, I was not impressed. The stocking felt cheap to the touch and started to run even though I was really careful about putting it on. Though the sizing was allegedly one size fits all, as a shortish smallish person I found the stocking to be too small — it seemed to assume my torso would be vastly shorter than it actually is and that my legs would be longer and that my boobs would be spaced differently, somehow? Or maybe be smaller or bigger? The fit was not ideal for my body and taste. I also generally prefer a tighter weave of fishnet and for seams to not run, crookedly, right down my abdomen.

In defense of its physical construction, it was very easy to tug the crotchless part of the bodystocking into place, and though I was annoyed that the neckline kept slipping down my activity partner found this to be a plus.

Other unexpected benefits: the bodystocking kept me warmer than just being naked even though I was pretty much naked, which is nice as someone who always feels freezing. Also, despite how easy it was to rip, it held together fairly well even after partial destruction (allowing for subsequent destruction) and dried really quickly after being hand-washed.

Sometimes I review things I would have tried on my own and this is not one of those times. I put it on, got a run, swore, and set out to seduce my activity partner, which wasn’t difficult (see above re: being pretty much naked). Wearing the stocking felt about equal parts sexy and ridiculous, and I think it was this combo that let me discover my favorite thing about it, namely how much fun it is (was) to rip. My activity partner and I are into rough, aggressive sex, and we often talk a big game about tearing clothes off each other but when it comes down to it clothes are pretty expensive and personally I only own like three sweaters so normally we do less tearing and more hasty removing and in my case folding. The body stocking — already with a huge run up the back of my leg — was the perfect chance for her to actually destroy something during sex without consequence.

This bodystocking feels like the rubber ducky vibe of lingerie — it feels kind of silly and isn’t something I’d plan to keep around for a while but it’s also a lot of fun.

Posts published as anonymous are not necessarily by the same author.

Guest has written 132 articles for us.

12 Comments

  1. I used to and still sometimes do pick up my hosiery at adult stores because they have wickedly hot fishnets and backseam stockings that are totally office-friendly. I love the design on the legs of this body stocking and could see wearing something like it under a cute dress. I can’t imagine this ever fitting me on top, though. Where would my ginormous boobs go? It doesn’t look like it “holds” anything in on top, either, so I think it would be a fail on my bountiful bod.

    Thanks for reviewing! It sounds like it was a fun addition to your bedroom, so whatever! Rip away!

  2. I got a body stocking from ilovesexy off Amazon a while back. The material didn’t feel cheep and probably would have lasted more than one night had my own partner not felt the need to rip it off. Needless to say, the fit was amazing (I’m a 16 and 5’10” so I went with queen size) and I can’t wait for my next purchase from them to arrive. 🙂

  3. “Ooh, tights? I didn’t know we were being fancy tonight.” she says, greeting me with a chaste kiss and closing the door behind me. She grins devilishly at me, making my heart pound with her wicked sweetness, and she grabs my waist, spinning me in a half circle to push my back hard against the solid door and presses her body into mine. I feel the exhilaration of the movement in my stomach like the drop of a roller coaster, and I’m practically panting. She teases me with her mouth, not letting me kiss her, only brushing her lips against my cheek, the scrape of her teeth on my jaw, her warm breath tickling my ear. Suddenly, she pulls away completely, walking away from me to grab her keys and shut off the lights in the kitchen. I lean more heavily against the door and my next breath come out shuddering.

    I sing along to the music blasting in my car as her hand rests on my thigh, and she joins in during the chorus. As we pull up to a stop light, I look over at her, and again, I feel her sweet smile like a punch to the chest. Her eyes holding mine, her hand begins to move up my thigh as she savors the feel of my tights. My head snaps forward and I stare at the red light. Her fingers creep under my skirt as the light turns green, and I try to remember how to breathe as I drive. When her fingers reach my crotch, she pauses, startled.

    “What the hell?” she laughs, and leans forward, trying to see under my skirt, but her seatbelt limits her view. She continues her exploration, more curious than seductive now, trying to see what I’m wearing with her fingers. The stupid smile on my face makes her laugh, and she slows, watching my face, content to rub my vulva through the fabric. “Can you pull over?” she asks with deceptive casualness that makes me feel my heart beat in my clitoris.

    I pull into a deserted parking lot and turn off the car. I watch her, unbuckling my seat belt as she removes her hand from between my legs and undoes her own seat belt. Then she’s pulling me forward by the sweater so she can kiss me hard. She uses her teeth as much as her lips and I whimper against her mouth in delight. She tugs at the bottom of my sweater, trying to get it off. My hair goes crazy with the sudden static as she pulls it over my head, but she’s too busy staring at my chest to notice.

    My nipples are clearly visible through the tight, sheer fabric, and she leans forward, mesmerized, to rub her lips against them. Then she’s attacking my skirt, trying to pull it off and push it up at the same time. I lift my ass obligingly and let her push it to my waist. She’s staring at me, a surprising blush on her cheeks, and I spread my legs for her, putting one foot on the console so my thighs are spread wide. I part the crotch of the bodysuit, then the lips of my labia, dipping my finger down to my pussy to savor the wetness there, then up to my clit. I let my head fall back against the window as I touch myself, and she has to untangle her limbs and crouch with one knee on her seat before she can settle her mouth on me.

    The awkward uncomfortableness of our position only heightens the thrill of being in public, and her tongue’s constant movement against my clit makes me clutch her hair and whimper. She shifts, moving so she can slide her fingers inside me, and my hips start to jerk, urging her to fuck me.

    “I want to come for you so badly. May I?” I moan, and my own words push me over the edge. She draws out my orgasm, stilling her mouth as I relax into a puddle against the door.

    She lifts her head, the wetness from pussy shining on her chin, and clicks her tongue at me. “That was very bad of you. You came without permission.” She looks down at the mesh bodysuit and I jerk as she trails a finger over my sensitive nipple. “After dinner, I’m going to have to bend you over the couch and spank you. If you take your punishment like a good girl, I might even let you come again.”

    UH ANYWAY BYE

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.