FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Who’s Ready for Spring Cleaning?

HEY THERE current and former interns of Fraggle Rock, welcome to the Friday Open Thread, where we sit in a circle and tell each other which colors look prettiest with our eyes. Just kidding, actually we talk about our week and its highs and lows and whether we adopted a pug or got our cars broken into or BOTH.

I don’t know what it’s like in your neck of the woods, but warmer, sunnier weather is slowly creeping into my life. I’ve been able to open the windows in the apartment several times this week, the death gauntlet of ice leading up to my door has melted, and when I go outside I’m able to skip several layers of my usual winter exoskeleton. I think I’m due for more snow on Monday, and frost is still possible til mid-April so I can’t plant anything, but it still feels like we’ve more or less made it.

A study of the passage of time on my block.

A study of the passage of time on my block.

Getting to spring can sometimes sort of feel like surviving a near-death experience, and can similarly make us want to reassess things. Once we realize that we are, in fact, going to live, suddenly we want to make BIG CHANGES. Is there anything you’re thinking about changing? Things you want to start doing with your new lease on life, things you want to leave behind you with the cold dead heart of winter? Areas where you know things need a little sprucing up, literally or figuratively? Also if you have any big plans to clean your actual home, I’d love to hear about it, as someone who is trying to accept that probably it is not feasible/worth it to get a carpet steamer up to my second-floor apartment. Tell me all about it!

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Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. Welp, I’m moving next weekend so there’s that! I’ve been packing this week in hopes of getting ahead of the game so I do a thorough job cleaning and get my deposit back. Also, as I get ready to move, I’m packing and organizing knowing I will have a group of friends helping me physically move the boxes from my old space to my new and was reminded of a pet peeve. Does anyone else get annoyed when you agree to help someone move, and they don’t have things ready to go? Like a bunch of stuff is still sitting all around waiting to get packed. It drives me nuts! I agreed to help you move, not pack all your stuff! If you had said, “Hey Whitney! Can you help me put this stuff in boxes and then move them to my new place?” I’d know what I was walking into. But typically I just assume if I’m helping someone move, I’m picking things up and putting them down from old to new space. Not finding crusty socks under couches as I help you pack ALL the things! Maybe it’s just me, but yeah. I’m avoiding putting the crusty sock scenario on my friends. haha

    • Yes! This is the worst. I am still harboring resentment towards someone who did this to me like 7 years ago. She had a young daughter as well, so it was a family amount of things and it took us so long to pack and move everything that we ran out of time for the promised thank you pizza and beer.

      Good for you for not being that person! I’m sure your friends will appreciate it.

    • once i agreed to help someone move at like 8 in the morning and they said they were “basically totally packed and ready to go” and when i got there they had about 3 boxes packed; all the silverware was still in the drawers, they still had perishable food laying around everywhere, etc. moving is so amazing! it totally destabilizes the meanings of words like “ready” and “packed” until they are BASICALLY MEANINGLESS. anyhow whitney it sounds like you are the greatest friend of all.

    • I totally HATE it when someone does that to me…have your shit packed!!! Good luck with your new place.

  2. With spring approaching I am getting the urge to chop my hair off but I have worked so hard to grow it out so I can donate it to the people that make wigs for cancer patients/ survivers and I am almost there. I also should finish unpacking but I just want to go out exploring this weekend.

    • I’ve been saving up for a ponytail, and we’re in the home stretch where it’s all up in my face and shaped like a bell and it’s gonna get hot out soon. The struggle is real. We’re gonna make it.

    • Oh wow I was just thinking how my 3 years of growth to shoulder length has Got to go. I need my undercut back I’m losing my biz here. Glad this is a spring thing and not just me!

  3. Oh god, I desperately need to do some spring cleaning. My bedroom in particular has gotten really bad. I am going down to part-time hours at work soon so hopefully I will have more time to get things done. I also have big plans to eventually do things like get a hair cut, actually use one of the four personal trainer sessions I bought, and maybe see a psychologist. It’s going to be great.

    So so so excited for spring. I hate the winter because, in addition to the horrible cold and snow, it makes my anxiety and depression-type feelings way worse. The closer I get to spring, the more I feel like me.

    My BFF is in town and I am super pumped. We’ve lived in different cities for the past few years, so it’s always exciting when we actually get to hang out.

  4. I’ve never “spring cleaned”, since clutter stresses me out. I keep my room neat and clean, and if it’s not neat and clean, it means something else in my life is causing me a LOT of stress. For reasons I don’t understand, being stressed drives me to create more stress in my life, but in the end the big ball of anxiety gets so big that there’s no room for me and I’m forced to haul myself out of the stress pit.

    I do need to change some things in my life, though. I need a new job. I hate my current one. It’s my first post-college job and I started off optimistic, but for a year and a half I had nothing but bullshit tasks to do, and I got complacent and bored. Then I got a new boss who expected more, but I’ve gotten myself so entrenched with complacency and boredom that I don’t know how to get out. I want a fresh start. And better pay!!

    • “Being stressed drives me to create more stress in my life.” I do this also. Why do we do this?

      Good luck with your job situation. Whenever I’ve simply walked away from a job, without fail I’ve always found a better one soon after. But I realize not everybody will have the ability to do that.

      • I wish I knew. It seems so counterintuitive, but it happens every time.

        And thanks! I’m confident I’ll be able to find a good job when I do leave this one, but I’m stuck for at least a few more months. My fiancee is about to graduate law school, and she has a job lined up, but we don’t know where it will be (thanks, Connecticut). It seems silly to leave this job and find another when I could be two or three hours away in a few months, so for now, I wait. And the wait is driving me batty.

    • Oh yes. I can completely relate to the anxiety-snowball. (And also, stress being caused by clutter, which is why I am a stark minimalist with my possessions in my apartment). Good luck with the job search.

  5. I’m maybe buying a house and maybe finally getting my driver’s license, so I guess this is the spring where I actually decide to be an adult. Maybe.

    MORE IMPORTANTLY THOUGH, I need to change my avatar photo because I’m not as much into the retro pin-up thing anymore. My hair has been short for a while now but I can’t find a photo of it that I like, so maybe I should just go with one of my cat? These are serious life issues, never mind all that mortgage balderdash.

    Speaking of hair, I recently reconnected with my long-lost BFF from grade 7/8, and while digging through old photos I found this gem, c. 1989. Now you all know what happened to the ozone layer.

    • ***laughs hysterically***

      Ooh my goodness my wife has the exact same 80’s photos/hairstyles.

      It was a pretty hair-raising decade, even for those who didn’t live under Thatcher’s evil rule…

  6. Real talk though it’s about to get hot so I have to figure out all over again how to butch-ly wear as few clothes as possible/what will look the least terrible covered in sweat/how to avoid as many stop lights as I can in my motorcycle leathers.

    • I totally understand stop lights/motorcycle leathers!

      I want to have skin left should something happen, but I don’t want to have heat stroke!

  7. Rachel, I couldn’t figure out what was going on in your second photo; I thought the house/s across your street were on fire, Left-Eye style!

    • I actually had to go back to verify that the houses weren’t on fire. I just assumed they were and it was some sort of commentary about how hot the summer gets.

  8. Ugh YES to spring cleaning. I have a friend coming over tomorrow so I can do his taxes and I need to make my apartment presentable.
    Question to the Houstonians in the audience: I am going to be in town on business. I have heard rumblings that Pearl Bar is the de facto lesbian bar. Yea/nay? Is there another that I should hit up while I’m in town? Any other handouts I should know? Part of this trip is to figure out if I can live in Houston again, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

      • Hahaha. Him coming over is the impetus for me to get off my ass and actually clean. :) Plus, I want to walk in to a clean apartment when I get back from my trip.

    • If you are going to The Pearl, come on a Tuesday- Tuesdays are steak night, and you get a steak the size of your face with all the potatoes and salad you can stuff in said face for 15 dollars. There is also a queer dance party called dykon fagatron every month- we’ve had it for 2 months running so far, both times at crocker bar. Those are the two queer events I personally attend and can recommend. Out Smart is the local LGBT magazine; you can pick it up in any cafe/restaurant along montrose and they would probably be able to point you to some other events.

  9. I really, like really need to clean my apartment but all my spare time has been taken up by my girlfriend and holy shit guys, I got myself a girlfriend!

  10. I’m about to do maybe 4-6 weeks worth of help me gawrdd (sadly I will also be going so broke bc of said laundry, aye aye aye) Also, I threw this out in the A+ “hot tip” bin but I am needing some extra confirmation that I AM NOT HALLUCINATING about this:

    (lets see if this works, first time for everything:))

    • I assumed this was a Photoshop montage. Now after an internet search I’m pinching myself repeatedly.

      All I need now is to find out that Mona Vamderwaal is, in fact, alive.

      • Vanderwaal, darn it, not Vamderwaal – don’t you know people have been traumatised/ Institutionalised/sent to jail for less?

    • You are not and I am excited to see it, cause Ellen Page and Julianna Moore(my friends have made fun of me for having a thing for her in the past, but who can say no to an adorable red-head like her?).

    • i am excited about this movie but w/r/t the poster specifically all i can imagine is that ellen page is checking for sand particles in julianne moore’s eyelashes

    • UGH i cannot wait for this movie.

      i saw the documentary it’s based on when i visited middlebury as a prospective student in 2008, and then i cried to these middlebury queers about how relevant it was to my life and they hugged me and told me to come to school there.

      i didn’t, but it is a fond memory.

    • O.M.G.
      It’s three in the morning where I’m at.
      I just got home and now I’m basically lying in bed with my stomach in knots.
      I must have that poster.
      I must frame it.
      And then put it somewhere I can admire it regularly and sigh.
      I have loved Julianne Moore ever since “The Hours”.
      I adore Ellen Page.
      And this, this is just everything.
      It’s sweet and affectionate and intimate and a little May/December and so full of everything and I need to stop being so emotional about a movie poster.
      Oh, great, and the guy who wrote Philadelphia wrote this, too, which means I’m going to better bring tissues to the movie theater and prepare to sob uncontrollably.

  11. I really need to tidy my bedroom. It’s clean, and I know more or less where things are, but it’s uncharacteristically untidy because I haven’t got enough shelves so have resorted to making piles. My problem is that I know I’m not going to be in Spain forever, and so far I’ve never stayed in one flat for longer than 10 months. So, I’m loath to purchase furniture. For some reason my current bedroom has two single beds, so the second bed is my Stuff Dumping Shelf-Bed. It may take an actual visitor to force me to clear the space.

  12. Hello everyone! SPRING! Here, have a daisy:

    IS THIS NOT THE HAPPIEST SPRINGTIME PHOTO YOU’VE EVER SEEN? I came across it while walking along Ruston Way, a charming little street that runs parallel to Commencement Bay in Tacoma. And there was a small picnic area that was entirely covered in miniature daisies; it almost looked like snow on the ground!

    Anyway, my highlight of the week was visiting with my younger brother who is on spring break. We walked along Alki Beach together in Seattle and we talked about life. It was really lovely.

    Here’s a panorama I took, with Seattle city lights to the right.

    Springtime goals? One goal I’ve had recently is to read more or listen to more audiobooks, which I’ve been devouring from the library. I find this more convenient than reading per se because I can do it while working or driving or hiking or cleaning…. My biggest impediment to reading in the past has been that I generally haven’t made time to sit down and do it.

    I mainly read/listen to non fiction. I really love non-fiction, and I fin it holds my interest better than fiction. Mainly stuff related to science or psychology. I love stuff by Brian Greene and Oliver Sacks. I also just started reading “Half the Sky” which focuses on stories of women overcoming oppression throughout the world (violence, human trafficking, etc.). It’s pretty eye-opening, and really makes me recognize how sheltered (and privileged) I am.

    Another goal I’ve been working on is to break out of my social comfort zone. Initiate conversations, even if I’m an awkward introvert. In the end, I find it brightens my day, and hopefully others days too!

      • Thank you! I may be guilty of anthropomorphizing plants, but those daisies are the happiest flowers I’ve ever seen.

    • I love listing to audiobooks!! One that I really enjoyed was “This is Your Brain on Music” by Daniel Levitin. I would highly recommend it if you like sciencey kind of books.

      • That sounds really good! I actually just finished “Musicophilia ” by Oliver Sacks and loved it. Thanks for the suggestion!

    • Sigh. Lovely pictures, as always. Again: the tourism bureau should hire you. Both of these are pop science and maybe not your thing, but I like Mary Roach and Bill Bryson (doesn’t apply to all his books– but all are non-fiction).

      • Actually, I just finished a book from each of them! “A Short History of Nearly Everything” by Bryson (about a history of scientific discoveries) and “Stiff” by Roach (about Cadavers). And so I would agree that those are excellent suggestions for authors!

        • Well, glad I wasn’t completely off the mark! :) I liked her book about NASA and space missions second best of hers (Stiff was my favorite), and I also like A Walk in the Woods and In a Sunburned Country by him.

          I jotted down a few titles of things I’d read while straightening science topics today: The Disappearing Spoon (really liked that one), The Code Book by Simon Singh (which actually probably doesn’t translate into audio, come to think of it), Proust and the Squid by Maryanne Wolf, Galileo’s Daughter by Dava Sobel (bio), The Measure of All Things: The Seven-Year Odyssey and Hidden Error That Transformed the World by Ken Alder, The map that changed the world, The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary, both by Simon Winchester (liked Professor particularly), The Ghost Map: The Story of London’s Most Terrifying Epidemic–and How It Changed Science, Cities, and the Modern World by Steven Johnson (really liked that one– practically a page-turner), Pilgrim at tinker creek by Annie Dillard (not exactly science– more environmental; very good, though), and Silent Spring by Rachel Carson (old now, but she really shook things up).

          Some random ideas! :)

          • Wow, thanks! That looks like a great list! Some of those I’ve heard of and some I haven’t, but I’ll definitely check them out. I’m definitely into environmental-related stuff too. Not everything I read is strictly science – I also sometimes read autobiographies and books on history and social issues too. I just like learning new stuff, which generally means dabbling in a variety of different fields. :D

  13. So we had an eclipse today and all I could think whilst trying to find a good viewing window was god I need to clean this house and throw 86% of my belongings away/donate to charity. Plus I’m super stressed with work and my MA which makes me need to be in tidy places…I can’t explain that but mess which I can handle the rest of the time makes me extra stressy…which makes me want to live in a white box.
    As a few people have mentioned it, I am also having that spring cut of all my hair thing. I’ve had long hair for the longest time since I was a kid and I am really over it now. But I’m scared which is new. I’ve never been afraid to have any hairstyle and now I am worried about cutting it all off. Weird. Suggestions?
    So here’s a picture of the eclipse.

      • Thanks glad you like it! I stood in my porch taking pics constantly the whole time…because it was super cloudy you couldn’t really see anything with the naked eye and my neighbours kept looking at me like I was crazy :)

    • That photo is amazing! I only managed to see grey clouds.

      In terms of haircuts…I’ve had long hair forever too and am trying to psych myself up for chopping it off by telling myself: Hair grows back. Go for it!

      • There was a tiny crack in the clouds here which I took advantage of. Very lucky as most of the morning it was grey. I heard the bbc spent £2million on their coverage, wonder if it was worth it…lots of cloud shots. I had short hair for 10 years, grew it, shaved it did crazy stuff to it and then grew it again after a couple of years and now its been 3 years and I’m nervous which is just so weird. I’ve always been an it grows back person but this time I’m psyching my self out.!

  14. Hey all! It’s Friday! HOW ARE YOU DOING!! Weather here in SoCal is real pretty for the first day of Spring. The flowers are blooming, the sun is shining and everything looks greener!

    I need to do some cleaning too! I started off with my car yesterday. That thing looked yuck after being outside for the drizzle -__- I’m planning to vacuum the inside sometime today…maybe…tomorrow? PROCRASTINATION. Every spring and fall I detail my car. Like wash, clay, polish and sealant detail. Haven’t found the time yet this year but I’m looking into April! =) Should be a good time. A good time to smell like polish. LOL

    I’ve also had a good couple of days to see how my new computer is doing and so far I’m really liking it. Took the advice from here and put a solid state in, boots in like 10 seconds. I was really really impressed. Anyone want to recommend any games? Online? Single player? IDK much people to do multi with so…

    But anyway! I finished my Halo Metal Earth models yesterday! Here are 3 of them, I think I already shared the Warthog last FOT.

    UNSC Mantis

    UNSC Pelican

    Chief’s Helmet

    The cat getting cuddles. Not sure if she (we’re like 95% sure its a girl now) likes it or not.

    MOOOOMMMMMMM I’m sleepyyyy. Such furbaby

    Dirty Dapper

    Cleeean Dapper

    Cheers all!

    • I would say Halo, but I am sure you already played the latest one? I’m told the racing game The Driver(been compared to Steve McQueen’s car chase in Bullitt) is very good, as is Grid 2. And yeah I too switched to a SSD to store my OS and main files, and it’s amazing how fast from a cold boot I can load up netflix. I have my media on a second HD, and if you are planning to game, remember some games now take up to 6gb of space.

      Very clean car btw.

      • Nah, actually I haven’t played games in what like 10 years????PC games never really caught my attention because at the time I had a PS2. Vice City was always something I liked as were racing games. IKR, they take up a hell of a lot of space now, I have 1TB to play around with so… IDK I’ll have to look into it.

        • You should be mostly good with 1TB I would think. Unless you also plan to put all movies on there too. Also, there Mass Effect 3, which has an option for a queer female story line if I remember reviews correctly.

          • All three Mass Effect games will allow you to make choices which allow you to initiate sex with a female.

            I recommend all three games, but I understand that the first Mass Effect might feel a little chunky these days. Two and Three were much more action based.

            Bioware has been pretty good about letting you be a queer character, which I remember was so controversial 5-8 years ago.

            Now I want to play Mass Effect again, but you can put about 60 hours into the first one alone, and I feel like I barely have time to game these days. Not, that I mind, really.

  15. I am spring cleaning! I’ve been trying to redecorate for while, and I have been saving money/crafting beautiful things…but why the hell is furniture so expensive? I am so desperate to spring clean and trade in all of the hand-me down/college dorm/falling apart furntiture I’ve been carting around and have a new, semi-adult fresh start. I would mostly like to retire my twin size bed…but damn. I guess only bazillionares buy new mattresses because I can’t afford that shit.

    • you might check to see whether there’s a Habitat for Humanity ReStore around your area — they often have fairly good-quality furniture (and lots of other things) for affordable prices!

      • We do have restore! I didn’t realize there was more than one. Unfortunately, ours isn’t much more than giant stacks of vhs tapes.

    • I so feel you on this. When I got my first apartment to live in all by myself, it was months before I even had chairs to sit on. I scoured second hand stores and also tried ordering grown up looking things from Results were… mixed.

      • My couch was stolen from the last apartment I lived in. My friend left it there when he moved out, and there were two three tenants between us, and it was still there when I moved in. I don’t like to think about what might have happened on this couch. I took it with me when I moved….and it’s looking a little rough.

    • Ugh, I can relate. I’ve been using an air mattress for the past year. I had nice furniture at one point, and then I moved across the country and sold it and got a lower paying job. Maybe someday I’ll get actual furniture, but for now, my paucity of furniture works for my single hermit cat-lady life.

  16. I don’t what my springtime goals are seeing as spring has been here since January and we’re already at summer like weather lol.

    Fellow straddlers I need some advice. An ex-bff emailed to say her mother passed away and invited me(said if I want to pay respects) to her Shiva(Jewish service where people pray at the bereaved home). I haven’t spoken to here in person or on the phone in years, and last year she sent me an email saying some realty show(Shahs of Sunset) reminded her of me. It has me down a bit cause it be nice to pay respects to her mother. But, at the same time there is a reason why people are exes in our lives. For me it’s because I came out with queer trans feelings to her(she graduated with a degree in family therapy) and replied with something to the effect of, “you want to have sex with me and my boyfriend?” I said I feel like a queer/lesbian at times so no. But, the later in the month she got mad at me for not walking on egg shells and being there for her. I was, but I just couldn’t take all the drama and having my feelings not respected so it was over. I am not sure what to do. Adult problems.

    On a more positive note, last night I went to this adorable woman’s birthday last night. It’s really queer and fun. We match on tinder during the summer, indirectly because of autostraddle(and a trans organization) in common. But, it was the first time I met her last night. I think I have a bit of crush on her as she’s just totally amazing take action queer feminist, who also happens to be vegan. Eeep!

    I went to a lovely baby shower last weekend so no nature shots this week. But, this new mural went up this week, next to my work.

    Thank you for listening and viewing.

    • So this is silly, but this kind of feels like a sign. I’ve not been having the easiest time since I graduated, and I’ve been feeling like I’m the worst adult, and failing at life / behind efurryone else. I’m living at home, because I don’t have enough money to live out (I’m a Londoner). I’ve been thinking a lot about making changes to my life before I go back to Oxfurred to do a Masters – I need to stop getting in my own way and being scared of failing, and start being scared of nefur doing what I want to do. Or at least feeling the fur and doing it anyway… Which is difficult as fuck, espusscially as I’m an ofurthinker with severe anxiety – I see all the purroblems. But I need to really put some effurt in and…not become a diffurent purrson, but start living the life of the purrson I want to be. Earlier I happened to listen to Bloc Party on the coach home, and was thinking the lyrics “If I could do it again, I’d make more mistakes, I’d not be so scared of falling. If I could do it again, I’d climb more trees, I’d pick and I’d more wild blackberries” was kind of advice I needed to take. I need to make sure I’m not howefur many years old, still living at home, and wishing I’d eaten those metafuricat blackberries. I need to really commit to my writing, start that blog, learn to make my own clothes, apply to all the jobs, maybe write and submit something to Autostraddle (if you’ll have me – this is not intended as a plug). I just need to stop being my own worst enemy, basicatly. I’ve wasted so much time compurring myself to others, chasing people who don’t want me…just not wanting to be me, and nefur being purroud of myself. And then beating myself up fur beating myself up. I’m not saying I’m going to suddenly close the book on that chapter and nefur compurr myself to other people or have a fureak out, but I need to make sure I start on this journey.

      Thanks, efurryone, fur sharing your plans – it’s really inspurring to see what you’re all doing, and it makes me feel like maybe I can too? I hope so :)

      Good luck to you all!

    • Gah, sorry, I don’t know how I accidentally wrote this as a reply to your pusst! Ultimately, I think you cut this purrson out fur a reason, and I know it’s hard to remempurr that it’s okay to stop being furiends with people who are shit to you / make your life harder. It’s NOT selfish – them being awful is the selfish behaviour. BUT, if you feel you will regret not talking to them / paying your respects, maybe you should go – it’s what you’ll regret more at the end of the day? Do you want to let this purrson back into your life? Do the bad purrts of their relationship outway the good? Could you talk to them about it / add caveats to the meeting? I don’t know – it depends if you can come back furom it, and if you’ll be okay. Just remempurr you come furst!

      Also eeeeeee, yay queer feminist love :D I wish you all the luck in life :)

    • I put it this way: is there anyone else who will be sitting shiva (autocorrect rendered that as “sorting soda,” btw) who you feel you need to be there for in this way? If not, it sounds like the only person you’re wanting to be there for is your ex’s mom, and you can pay your respects to her anywhere you are. It’s kind of a benefit of not being tied down to the corporeal world anymore–I think the dead can receive good thoughts from anywhere, if they’re even paying attention to those of us who are left here anymore. (At least that’s how I look at it.) The funeral and sitting shiva (now my autocorrect says “soba”) and memorials are for the living, and you get to choose which living people to grieve with. Does that make sense to you? I think if you’re not ready to be there for your ex in that way, it’s ok to say that you are remembering her mom and honoring her memory privately, but you’re not ready to see her. She has other people in her life to support her through her feelings, including any ones she might have as a result of your saying you’re not coming.

      • I don’t know who will be there, bides her sisters, her father and possibly her relatives? All I got was an email saying her mother passed and they are having shiva and if I can come pay respects to her. But, these are all good points. Thank you.

  17. CLEANING! Girlfriend and I are moving from pdx to Boston in June after Acamp, so we’re organizing, cleaning, packing and working on removing CAR LOADS of stuff from our house/ lives. It’s a huge relief and also WHERE did it all come from and WHY? We’re also trying to find a place to live with three dogs (hahaHAhaaaahhelp!). Also I wrote a thing! For my friend’s feminist zine! That was scary. And it’s been a really good week for my athletic ego! I get really (way too) into competitive playground games, and I had some really coordinated glory moments at rugby practice yesterday. And I have Thai food plans tonight. Lots of FEELINGS!

  18. Hiiiiiiiiiiiii guuuuuuuuuuuys,

    I don’t really spring clean. I do a more or less quarterly total scrubdown of the inside of the fridge, but otherwise, no, not really. Gf is big into outdoor projects but fortunately she doesn’t try to involve me in her plans for ground cover plants- like I’m interested in nature but I get bored of working in the yard.

    I am through the pinch point of my new job, which is nice, but I’m taking my LICSW exam in about a month, so gotta study! Lots to stuff into my brain about things like structural family therapy and what the fuck is internal validity of a research study, it’s so confusing. (I’m buying my friend beer so she will explain it to me better than a text book, but crapdammit, I became a therapist so I don’t have to know about science.)

    In other news, we found a wedding photographer, who is adorable and thank god that’s out of the way.

  19. I’ve been doing a month-long challenge (instead of a new year’s resolution) and in February I made a “3 a Day Clear Away” challenge where I basically got rid of 3 things a day. It forced me to go into nooks and crannies that have been begging to be decluttered! It was based on a minimalist blog where the person got rid of 1 thing a day for an entire year. It was so inspiring! But now I have a large pile of bags to donate in my garage that I should finally get out of here!

    I really should spring clean my yard to get prepped for the summer season. I always drag my feet too long and then am trying to plant flowers with weeds as tall as my waist.

      • Excellent!! Some of my friends joined in, and it was fun to have camaraderie. I posted the pictures every day on Facebook. Side benefit was friends calling dibs on some of the pile!

  20. hii lovely people. this friday has been full of schoolwork, trader joe’s, taking a longer route to school to enjoy the weather, and watching/listening to live tegan and sara videos (feeling about 17 years old because of that last one).

    my spring break started this week which is desperately needed after about a month of extreme stress – Just finishing installing a big show at work and am starting to truly worry about applying to grad school in the fall. BUT I did show work in an exhibition a few weeks ago and won a big deal scholarship :))

    anyways, this reminded me that cleaning is a thing and i should do every domestic chore i’ve been neglecting, starting with buying a real mop for my wood floors and actually using it.

    • here to validate that live tegan and sara videos are for all ages. maybe i will do that while i do the cleaning i’ve been pretending i’m about to do all day.

  21. Well, it’s snowing in NYC, so happy spring? I’m also sick today, as is my dog, so it’s definitely a lazy day. I’ve been contemplating ordering matzo ball soup delivery…I’ve been eating healthier the past week, and while it’s probably better for my immune system to eat fruits and veggies, the child that comes out when I’m sick wants comfort food.

    In other exciting news, LezCab, the queer lady theatre company I run is getting a complete re-haul. We’re going from a cabaret series to a full theatre company, and we have a new website, logo, mission statement, and honorary board. You can check it out at :)

    My dog is turning 4 years old next week, and I’m throwing her a birthday party. She’s going to be very confused, but very happy to see her dog and people friends.

    • You should order the matzo ball soup. I haven’t had a good one in years, but I am sure in NYC you can get some excellent ones. You could ask if they can add veggies to the soup or do it yourself?

    • Update: I was called into work tonight. On my way to work, I picked up some matzo ball soup. I feel so much better!

  22. So this is silly, but this kind of feels like a sign. I’ve not been having the easiest time since I graduated, and I’ve been feeling like I’m the worst adult, and failing at life / behind efurryone else. I’m living at home, because I don’t have enough money to live out (I’m a Londoner). I’ve been thinking a lot about making changes to my life before I go back to Oxfurred to do a Masters – I need to stop getting in my own way and being scared of failing, and start being scared of nefur doing what I want to do. Or at least feeling the fur and doing it anyway… Which is difficult as fuck, espusscially as I’m an ofurthinker with severe anxiety – I see all the purroblems. But I need to really put some effurt in and…not become a diffurent purrson, but start living the life of the purrson I want to be. Earlier I happened to listen to Bloc Party on the coach home, and was thinking the lyrics “If I could do it again, I’d make more mistakes, I’d not be so scared of falling. If I could do it again, I’d climb more trees, I’d pick and I’d more wild blackberries” was kind of advice I needed to take. I need to make sure I’m not howefur many years old, still living at home, and wishing I’d eaten those metafuricat blackberries. I need to really commit to my writing, start that blog, learn to make my own clothes, apply to all the jobs, maybe write and submit something to Autostraddle (if you’ll have me – this is not intended as a plug). I just need to stop being my own worst enemy, basicatly. I’ve wasted so much time compurring myself to others, chasing people who don’t want me…just not wanting to be me, and nefur being purroud of myself. And then beating myself up fur beating myself up. I’m not saying I’m going to suddenly close the book on that chapter and nefur compurr myself to other people or have a fureak out, but I need to make sure I start on this journey.

    Thanks, efurryone, fur sharing your plans – it’s really inspurring to see what you’re all doing, and it makes me feel like maybe I can too? I hope so :)

    Good luck to you all!

    • If I may be so bold as to venture my two pennorth:
      Adulting is weird, stressful and full of avoiding calling insurance companies and trying to understand weird letters about interest rates, and then you get an email of a meme of a sad looking pug with the caption “I can’t adult today, don’t make me adult” from your Mother and you realise everyone is lying about being a proper grown up…at which point personally I spiralled due to the world living a lie and then got to a “meh, whatever. We’re all muddling through. KOKO” place. Which feels good.
      You do you, forget what soceity expects of you at whatever age and go get what you want from the world! Hope your MA is everything you want it to be.

    • If you want some advice: Start one thing and start it today.
      Your blog,for example.
      Start that, and work on it,etc.Focus on that for a while, get good at it, explore.
      Lots of people in Spain (correct me if I’m wrong) stay with their parentals furrrever, because money, so don’t beat yourself up about that.
      Whenever I feel stuck in my life, I do something I could never have seen myself doing.
      Like, I went on a windsurfing course for three days straight (I am not into all), flew to Comic Con in San Diego (I am SO scared of flying) or got on a train to see the Louvre (8 hour train ride,so worth it).
      Every time, I’m reminding myself how big and crazy the world is, and how much we can all change and expand ourselves at the drop of a hat.
      You ARE on the road you have been meaning to walk on.Newsflash: It’s not clear cut and straight as you waltz out of college.
      It’s murky and twisted and full of surprises.
      But that’s life, that’s how it rolls.
      It’s also, always full of possibilities where it is the least clear cut.
      Good luck to you, wanderer.

      • Thanks guys – it’s really reassuring to know it’s not just me, and good to get advice / outside purrspectives. Now I just need to work on following that advice! :)

  23. Summer is almost here!! I can feel it :)

    I clean so much already! I’m more excited about catching up on sleep and working out

    ^^my dad is finally a U.S citizen <3

  24. After an unfortunately failed shopping trip with my mother(whom, though I love, isn’t thrilled with my sweet lady-gentleman style), I have decided to search for my gay mentor. I shall be your protégé, or, on the punnier side of things, your prote-gay. Haha.

    Please help, my puns are getting worse.

  25. Tomorrow my first spring cleaning job involves my new foster dog, a 90 lb Golden Retriever/Great Pyrenees. I have to brush him out, cut out his mats, and then take him to a pet boutique where the owners have agreed to help me attempt to bathe his gross self.
    Anyway, if anyone is looking for a super great Great Pyr/Golden Retriever, hit me up.

  26. It’s spriiiiiiiiiing! Kind of. It snowed today. But I refused to wear a coat because it is SPRING DAMMIT!

    I can’t wait to be able to open the windows. And maybe even wash them because spring cleaning. The possibilities are endless.

  27. Spring in Texas!!! Come on down !!! I wish I could give each of you wonderful sweeties a beautiful bunch of flowers that would remind each of you that you are as special and uniquely attractive as ” the flowers in a garden.”
    Spring is a season of hope and re-birth for all.

  28. Love spring, all that rain and verdancy. But I did enjoy the snow flurry as one last winter hurrah.

    Meanwhile, things seem to be looking up for me. I had a pretty debilitating breakdown recently and I’m still woking on piecing everything back together again. The extra daylight hours are helping a bit.

    Also, through some incredible mechanism of luck, I managed to land a cool math mentorship. Now I have about 200 pages of noncommutative ring theory to read up on over the weekend :)

  29. So not ready to clean anything.
    My seasonal allergies have drop kicked me in the face like never before and I expect a sinus infection and hope that the fever will won’t reach 100° because I don’t know where the fuck the electrolyte popsicles are and I swear each time I’ve gotten 100+ fever in the past couple years I’ve gotten a box. So there’s got to be like four of them floating about and I don’t even know what sort shelf life those things really got.
    And fuck powerade it tastes like broken dreams of boiled jolly ranchers

    Upside down dog time:

    Sore throat and trouble breathing really screws with my internal stability
    BRB gunna organise more dog pictures.

  30. Well, I got a job! The second round of interviews with the district manager was this week, and somehow I managed to get hired. It’s at a used bookstore (LPs, CDs, other stuff, too) that’s pretty huge and cool. Today was my first day, and right now I’m just overwhelmed and kind of (really) feel incompetent.

    Spring stuff: It’s reasonably clean here, but all my stuff is still strung between two places, and I really, really want to get that dealt with. I’m still constantly realizing I don’t have this or that, and I really want to just toss everything I never, ever want to even have to think about moving anywhere again. Kind of a fresh start cleaning. The problem is all this other stuff is at my parents’ house, and I don’t ever go there– so it’s complicated.

    My hair was already short, so I did the logical thing and cut even more off. And I want more piercings. Is that a spring goal? Yeah, sure.

    Otherwise, I had a nice walk around a local historical district when it was warmer, earlier this week:

    (Lenten roses, very seasonal)

    Also, it was warm enough to have some locally-made gelato one day: Jameson’s-flavored. The onlooking gnomes are a long story, but they’re kind of my 401(k) plan.

    Friends also don’t let friends say, “hey, while your hair is longer, and it’s the anniversary of The Breakfast Club, let’s impersonate characters,” but it happens.

    Oh, speaking of my misspent youth: I don’t know about hauling carpet cleaners, but a friend’s mother used to spray some foam stuff on the carpet (she vacuumed it up) every week, and the carpets were super-clean. Maybe it was full of super-toxic chemicals, and they don’t make it anymore. Maybe that’s what’s going on in my head? Hmm. Smelled good, though.

    Have a lovely weekend, all. Hope everybody gets some time for fun and relaxation, in whatever doses needed.

    • Congrats on the interview! That sounds like a really cool job. Glad to hear you’re doing well!
      (Also, that photo is adorable.)

      • Thank you! It’s a really cool store– bigger than an average B&N, but far more books– then the CDs, DVDs, comics, etc. on top of that. I’m wondering how I’ll ever learn everything! (or not buy everything, ahem)

        Thank you– it’s good to feel like I’m getting on track. Hope you’re well!

  31. I just got home from a Tango opera and have resolved to learn Tango,just so that I will be able to spend the summer in stuffy attics, on paved, open air plazas, and old ballrooms, sweating and sighing and dancing.

    I’ve got issues with getting my stuff straightened out and then keeping entropy at bay. (Tedious! It always returns!)
    One of the things that have really helped me structure myself is this page: and their 20/10 concept.
    I usually manage to work at least one a day in.

    I thought I’d leave this quote for those of you, who might feel guilty if they’re not feeling the spring cleaning right now.With shows like hoarders and what not,there’s a lot of shaming going around.

    “But it was not the room’s disorder which was frightening; it was the fact that when one began searching for the key to this disorder, one realized that it was not to be found in any of the usual places. For this was not a matter of habit or circumstance or temperament; it was a matter of punishment and grief.”
    ― James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room

    I can only warmly recommend the book.
    It’s one of my all time favorites.
    Whenever I gift it to someone, I usually read it again before giving it away.

    • About shaming, I feel the shaming of some cis lesbians because I am a translesbian born with a penis…..though tiny like I showed on my tumblr….Why would a person with a male body identify as female if that person was not telling the truth of what they are in their heart, their mind, their physical female feelings……how they think about all of you and how they feel about themselves?
      Please answer that question in your mind… least. And then……well, that is up to you, I guess.

      • Dear Sarah,
        Small mindedness gives people a sense of security.
        If one opens their eyes to a world full of possibility, that’s usually a scary thing.
        A thing that demands of you to look into the mirror of your soul and see yourself, see all of your strengths and weaknesses, it demands being true to yourself, it often demands change.
        Scary, arduous, painful things.
        It is so much easier to just go ahead and judge, to have a formed opinion, to execute prejudice.
        It is so much easier not to look into that mirror.
        Being a Lesbian oftentimes involves looking into that mirror.
        But there are, for a lot of people, a lot of easy categories to fall into if you slap that label on and not move much further.There is a lot of “right” and “wrong” thinking going on, in every agglomeration of people, and it helps them feel secure and define their communities.(I’m excluding the whole culture of rape and abuse discussion, because this post would get too long, I’ll just mention that trauma sometimes plays into this desire for security, not just small mindedness and general ass hattery)
        Now, being a Translesbian means, that when you walk into a room (if you don’t have passing priviledge) you’re making people question their idea of gender, you’re making them question their idea of sexuality.
        You’re, in the best of cases, making them think outside the box.
        It makes you a target for their ridicule and their small mindedness, their fear, but above all, it makes you a big damn Hero.
        Because you have looked into that mirror and are living your truth and there is hardly anything braver than that.
        If people try to shame you, they’re always just shaming themselves.
        I am sorry, that you have to be the Warrior Princess, just for you being you, but know, that sometimes, at least, it is appreciated.

    • Your comment attracts trans women, it seems.

      I want to try learning salsa and swing and all of the dancing. I need to work on finding like minded friends (or convincing current friends) to go with. I’m pretty strong about going places and maintaining the stance that “I belong here, if you have a problem it is YOUR problem.” But I just worry about going alone and not having anyone be willing to partner with me for dancing.

      Actually writing that down makes me feel like “now I must do this thing. I need to face this challenge.”

      Anyway, learning to dance sounds fun, haha!

  32. This wk has honestly been a blur ya’ll. I recently got the ps4 game “Shadows of mordor”… I am a huge ass lord of the rings fan so naturally I had to beg my wife to get it for me. Meaning it’s spring break and I literally just got done today putting in 8+ hrs of game time… Determined to beat the damn thing. On a side note our apartment is spooooootless because we had a social worker come over to talk about starting the foster care business…. Not a shabby wk if you ask me :)

    • I watch my gf playing Shadow all the time…it’s awesome, definitely a time sucker hence I’m resisting starting it myself. Dying sucks tho right!?! Punishment based gameplay. You died and now it’s harder to win. Haha.

  33. My mom and I have already cleaned so that’s nice. Maybe my spring goal will be to make some much needed other friends. Everyone is currently separated by college and work and it’s rough. Currently kind of bummed because no one mentioned the cast party to me for this show I’m on crew for. I know I don’t talk much but I am around? it’s nice to be asked. Oh well.

  34. as someone who is trying to accept that probably it is not feasible/worth it to get a carpet steamer up to my second-floor apartment. Tell me all about it!

  35. Spring Changes. File for divorce today Yeahh! I’m am now free to be me, and go out, and find new friends and maybe my first girlfriend. Packing to move to a new place. Starting my life over so excited. Going to do everything different this time. Plain a summer adventure. Do a lot of hiking. Help my mom clean out her house and fix it up. Get ready to go back to school this fall and finish my degree. Hang out with my sisters more. Learn how to fix my car, maybe. Learn how to cook. I seriously need help with that one. I’m so tired of pizza and takeout. So basically Change it all. Except for Sunday reading hour. There is nothing better than a cup of coffee, a comfy spot and a good book.

  36. I just have to get outside! I am hating this Maine winter this particular year, it seems to be lasting forever.

  37. Hey y’all,

    Does anyone have tips for dealing with homophobic/biphobic coworkers? I’m not out at work, but I have another coworker who is. The negative coworkers in question make comments quite a bit and don’t even seem to mind making negative comments in front of him (the out coworker). In the most egregious situations, I’ve been calling people out and reminding them that what they’re saying isn’t ok, but it hasn’t helped. Also complicating the situation is that some of the nasty coworkers are higher up than I am.

    • Do you work someplace big enough to have an HR dept? Are the laws discriminatory or anti-discriminatory where you live? Do you know how the head/s of the company feel about discrimination and/or what the company policies are?

      I think your options will seem different accordingly – happy to give some suggestions with a bit more info, and I also know people with a lot more experience that I can check in with. Either reply here or PM me if you want, whichever you prefer.

      Sorry you’re experiencing this crap at work…

      • <3 Snaelle, as usual.

        Mayonegg, I think it's simply awesome that you did at least call people out. That is a difficult and important step.

        My work has been very supportive, but while I'm still in my sort of gender ambiguous phase (or maybe I just look like an effeminate man when I'm in my male work attire?) I've been wearing the rainbow bracelet I got from pride last year. My hope is that any new young queers who might come aboard will see it, and perhaps seek me out as an ally or maybe just see it and realize they are working for a company where you can be openly lgbtqa.

        That's probably not relevant to your situation, Snaelle's advice/offer for more advice was great. I'm just glad you've taken steps to help.

  38. I just found out this week that I got an internship for the summer! So it looks like I’ll be spending the summer in Seattle!! (While getting paid for it can I get a hell yEAH) I am, of course, excited about the amazing opportunity but I’m a little more excited that my friend, who lives in Seattle, has already told me she’s going to take me to Cap Hill for my birthday, AKA the gayest place in Seattle.

    • Yeah! Congrats, and welcome to the beautiful Pacific NW! I used to live in CapHill – it’s a pretty cool place. :D I’d definitely recommend spending some time at Alki Beach and Discovery Park while you’re in Seattle, if you’re into outdoor stuff.

      • I’ve only been to the city a couple times and never for more than a day so I’m really looking forward to it. And I will definitely check that out, thank you! :)

  39. I am in the car on a long trip home from the city where I bought a dishrack at IKEA that has two levels and my girlfriend keeps telling me things she is excited to return home to and my every response is about my new dishrack.

  40. Busy week, gang. They all seem busy with electrolysis and running. After the marathon in April, I’m going to have at least one week of doing NOTHING.

    It may have to wait a week, because I have another electrolysis appointment in Chicago, and then my first tattoo at the end of that week.

    But after that, I need some total relaxation.

    I need to spring clean BADLY. I also need to locate all of my tax information and get those taken care of.

    I’m volunteering at the Trans 100 next week. I think it’s going to be fun. I’m going to be a greeter, so my smiling and hopefully glamorous face will be the among the first thing people see. (I will be confident, Damn it!)

    I… have some less than exciting news. The marathon is April 25th. My electrolysis appointment is April 30. My electrologist asked for me to have ten days of facial hair growth. This is my first official race in the female category, and I wanted to be fabulous. (I know, it’s a 26 mile run, but… yeah.) I know that I’m running as a woman no matter what I look like, because I am a woman. But, I just pictured it differently. I guess the electrolysis is an important step toward my larger goal, but the marathon has been an important part of my life too.

    I guess I just need to accept the realities of being a trans woman in transition at this stage.

    • sorry your race isn’t going to look the way you want it to. I know you’ll still be fantastic though! don’t let it get you down.

      • Thanks CB. I know that it’s still an accomplishment, no matter how I’m presenting. (And a really big challenge. I ran 18 miles today, and wow was it tough!)

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