10 Years Ago, I Had the Most Chaotic Valentine’s Day Plans Possible

Chicago, Winter 2015. I’m doing a cringe-worthy, cliche version of Living In Chicago In Your Early Twenties.

UNTETHERED VOL 10: a lit christmas tree with a green and red blob background

First Person Holigays

Untethered: I Have To Stop Getting Engayged or Married on Holidays

My ex and I mutually proposed to each other on Christmas last year.

Passover table setting with a traditional Passover seder plate with symbolic meal, matzah and Haggadah.

First Person Jewish Holidays

At the Passover Table, New Traditions Will Be Born

This year feels like the first of many years where I begin to truly incorporate my partner’s cultural traditions into our family.

Silverware on a white plate with a red ribbon tied around them. There are cranberries and a piece of a Christmas tree on the table next to the plate.

First Person Holigays

Three Stages of Never Ever Doing Holiday Meals the “Right” Way

Holiday meals have always been mired in conflict for me.

A leftover Thanksgiving sandwich with cranberry sauce and turkey on it.

First Person Thanksgiving

Why I’m Craving a Thanksgiving Sandwich 364 Days a Year

It’s November 2016, and I’m lonely and missing my family a lot more than I expected. I say I can’t come home for Thanksgiving for a mix of reasons.

First Person Holigays

Seeing the First Sunrise Makes Each Year Feel Special

Waking up early and standing out in the cold may not seem like self-care, but to me, it is.

a robust altar with candles, crystals, and intentions for the new year

First Person Holigays

Forgiving Myself as the One and Only New Year’s Resolution

I’m letting the dust of others’ expectations begin to settle, leaving room to see that I am not to blame for the hurt and harm I’ve dealt with. This year, I’m not making a list. Instead, I’m focusing on forgiving myself for ever thinking anything different.

An illustration of a fish-shaped platter holding fish salad

First Person Holigays

Fishy Christmas Eve Traditions

I put a lot of pressure on myself to learn and revel in the customs of “our people,” which meant that I always included a small scoop of the fish salad on mine and then tried to avoid it the rest of the night.

Black woman with large gold hoop earrings and natural hair closes her eyes as though she is making a wish on the christmas lights she is holding in her hand,

Christmas First Person

In Remembrance of My Queer Nigerian Christmas

That Christmas with queer family reminded me that multiple possibilities exist even in the darkest of places.

Side by side identical images of string lights hanging from a tree in New York City

First Person Holigays

The Stories We Tell

One of my earliest memories, perhaps my earliest one, is watching the snow fall from the sliding glass doors to the balcony of the small apartment my family rented in a Boston suburb.

original art, line drawings with paint, depicting two women, one with a short yellow blonde bob and one with short dark hair, each surrounded by images of things that represent their personality. the border is pink and green, same as the other holiday content.

First Person Holigays

Finding Love in the Year of the Ox

On New Year’s Eve when the clock strikes midnight, the glimmering thoughts that slip across my mind are usually all variations on the same question: who have you been loved by this year?

person stands at the end of a dock, looking out into the foggy nothingness of a lake

First Person Holigays

Grief Is a Promise

The unthinkable can and will happen, but sorrow and loss are only splinters of what we can handle. The ritual is in the remembering.

birds eye view of a plate of home cooked food contributed by the author

First Person Holigays

On Reconciliation, Reconnection, and Acceptance

Spending time in the kitchen and learning how to cook the comfort food of my childhood has helped me connect to my mother in ways I never expected.

First Person Holigays

Say Hello to RITUALS, an Autostraddle End of Year Miniseries

The eight writers who contributed to this miniseries will share all sorts of rituals: rituals for love, rituals for grief, rituals for forgiveness, rituals for inner peace. My wish is that it will help us all feel somewhat less alone this December, more connected to our community, and more ready for whatever January 2022 delivers.

First Person Valentine's Day

Making Amends with Valentine’s Day

I hid behind instruments, computers, Whitney’s voice, Prince’s guitar. I sat in front of my computer surrounded by cassettes, illegally downloading songs, awkwardly whispering “I love you more than I know how to explain and I’m scared so here’s a mixtape I made you.”

First Person Holigays

Prone to Wander

“Selfishly, I’m worried about what will happen if I say out loud that I’m uncomfortable with all this God, if I let my brain run its anxious course. If my atheist, queer, bipolar self comes to choir with me in all its unkempt glory, will I lose my safest place?”

First Person Jewish Holidays

The Life We Never Knew Would Find Us: Navigating Loss as an Interfaith Queer Couple

“We’re in Lancaster County at Erin’s family’s house, surrounded by plastic Bible quiz trophies adorned with gold crosses and family portraits taken at national parks. My bewildered partner comes to me, face slack, and tells me I need to call my mother.”

First Person Jewish Holidays

Queering the Jewish Holidays: How I Celebrate Shabbat

Last week’s Shabbat was a tragedy. Let us make this week’s Shabbat a space for mourning, for healing, for connecting, for resisting, and for peace. Shabbat Shalom.

First Person Holigays

I Hate Black Friday: This Queer Is Staying Home

The exploitation of love, anxiety and poverty are the driving force behind another made up moneymaking holiday. ‘Merica!

First Person Thanksgiving

The Secret Diary of a Turkey-Fister

“As it turned out, stuffing turkeys on the graveyard shift was a bonding experience that could not be transcended.”