86 Truly Innovative Ways You Gays Described Your Haircuts

Our lesbian stereotypes survey had, of course, a question about haircuts, as many queers, regardless of gender presentation, have very passionate feelings about their hair. We’ll be getting into the stats on that later this week or next, but I was so inspired by how you described your present, current, and/or future haircuts in the comments section that I couldn’t wait one moment longer to share that with y’all. Also please note that a full article on what I have learned is called “the bisexual bob” is in the works.

Find below, ripped mercilessly out of context for your enjoyment, just some of the many ways you described the hair that flows from your scalp into the sweet light of day.


1. “A compromise between Natalie Dormer and the comic book Captain Marvel”

2. Unironic rainbow mullet mohawk situation

3. Usher-style Mohawk situation

4. “I’d like to speak to the manager”

5. Edgy 12-year-old boy

6. Kinda British boarding school dude

7. “I guess I’m a lhb [Long Hair Butch] but my hair went white and now everyone treats me like a granny or Walt Whitman”

8. The good old Hillary Clinton frumpy crop

9. “The more like Steve Harrington, the better.”

10. “Occasionally I wake up looking like a teen heartthrob on the cover of Tiger Beat circa 1997 — like a Home Improvement-era Jonathan Taylor Thomas”

11. Scully bob

12. Sexy Willie Nelson

13. Merida curls that have always been chin length or longer

14. Dramatic witch mane

15. “Dude medium length (wavy, like a lot of NHL players or Jack Savoretti or Kit Harrington)”

16. “I made my partner cut my hair like my favorite anime character’s. The short blunt bangs are very trendy, no one needs to know my inspiration was a fictional 17 year old boy.”

17. PTA suburban mom boss bitch

18. Short Jean Seburgesque pixie

19. The young-lesbian lob

20. Mid-30s queer crisis undercut/sidecut

21. The Big Gay Chop

22. The Bisexual Bob

23. “Like a rainbow had shat on my head, with an undercut and an emo fringe”

24. Like a Hanson brother

25. The Bieber

26. “That really cool high school English teacher who makes, like, three students realize they’re gay.”

27. Twig from “The Edge Chronicles”

28. Hugh Grant in “Notting Hill”

29. Merida from “Brave”

30. Johnny Depp in “Willy Wonka”

31. Heath Ledger in “10 Things I Hate About You”

32. Leonardo DiCaprio in “Titanic”

33. 90’s lesbian Leonardo DiCaprio

34. “I love my long-ass hair, it is my source of Samson-like strength”

35. Big, bushy Hermione hair

36. “It fluctuates between a sort of “captain america/JFK” masculine cut, an undercut, and shaved.”

37. Taylor Swift asymmetrical angled lob

38. 2001 Teen Boy Love Interest

39. Weird soccer-mom short back, long front thing

40. Accidental Bieber swishy style

41. “I cut my hair into a Jenny Schecter-style pixie in college to seem gayer. Instead it just made a weirder type of guy hit on me.”

42. Han Solo

43. Mall goth dude

44. Humphrey Bogart

45. Jon Snow

46. Carly Usdin, all my life

47. Ashlyn Harris

48. Alice

49. Annie Lennox

50. “v specifically cultivated floop w chelsea-ish side parts i can push back or let flow to subtly shift gender vibes”

51. Lesbian Macklemore

52. Faye British school boy

53. Young French boy

54. That fuckboi fade

55. “I like the feral look. The more twigs and mud the better. The look that says I’m too busy clambering through the wilderness to give a damn, but hey i’m working it.”

56. Sweet mullet

57. Flowing mane of a mullet

58. Very 80s new wave mullet situation

59. “a curly mullet I can downplay for work and up-play for other times”

60. Dragon Ball Z villain

61. “Sometimes I look like Draco Malfoy? I am very gentle, though.”

62. ’70s goddess

63. From Amélie to Bellatrix Lestrange

64. “All I know is that Amy Adams’ greasy alcoholic depression hair in Sharp Objects makes me swoon.”

65. Mulan-length

66. “Dark, dense, kinky… kinda like my soul.”

67. Short, very gay Miley short-sides long-on-top hair

68. “Every year or so I think about growing it out in hopes of looking like a sexy viking, but instead I just end up looking like a straight person and it’s terrible.”

69. “Like my dad did his wedding pictures in 1963”

70. “Like that of a male movie star from the 1920s”

71. “My mom says my hair is “neat and flippy,” my brother says my hair is “cool and artsy,” and my boss says my hair is “hip,” which just means none of them know the word queer.”

72. Endless goddesslike sunset colored ombre hair

73. Long metal hair, henna red

74. On my way to having a Hannah Hart look

75. Hannah Hart but NOT CUTE

76. “I dream of going gray so I’ll look like Anderson Cooper.”

77. Harry Styles’ circa 2015 before it got too long

78. Long and awesome (think Harry Styles c. 2015)

79. “My hair is the lovechild of Cameron Esposito’s and Rhea Butcher’s hair. Also still really torn up about that relationship change. LOVE IS A LIE.”

80. “High femme, vintage maven, full set and brush out, curls and hairspray for days.”

81. Amelie-ish

82. Tegan Quin during the Hearthrob era

83. “Late 90s soccer player/ Robin Wright vibe”

84. Like a lion’s mane

85. “It’s bright silver i’m just trying to be Lesbian Dante out here”

86. “I got a Rachel Maddow haircut well before I had any idea I was queer. My hair has always been precocious.”

Riese is a Jewish lesbian and the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2618 articles for us.

28 Comments

  1. I feel you, 68. I’ve now got what might generously be called a Softball Ponytail, and even with an undercut it looks SO HET. (Promised my sister I’d leave it til NYE, but after that, I’m really hoping there’s a New Year New You hair special? Maybe? Y’all?)

  2. Ok, I need to know more about this bi bob situation, so I’m glad the AS is on it.

    I mean, I am bi and I often wear a bob (rn it’s too short to count but I’m planning to let it grow to chin length for the winter). But I didn’t know that it’s a thing.

    Interestingly enough, I started growing out my pixie style to bob length around the time I was realizing I wanted to be more openly bi.

    I thought I grew it out because I could no longer handle needing a haircut every 6 to 8 weeks. But maybe I subconsciously knew about the bi bob?

  3. I have a horrible memory, so I can’t remember if I actually wrote 68 or if someone else just shares my soul, but I am currently in the growing-it-out phase and it is just shy of being long enough to do all the cool viking braids and I am dyingggg waiting for it. And every day I’m like “ughhhh why did I shave my head???” and then I remember it’s because I wanted to look Gay. But soon I’ll look like the pansexual valkyrie of my dreams, soon!

  4. Can’t remember what I said on the survey, but I have a bi bob with an undercut in the back. I wear it up in a top knot 98% of the time. Right now it’s a little long so I need to get it trimmed. Fun fact: I got my first bob at 15 when I and my hair were straight… and then I came out, shaved my head, grew it out, and it’s been curly ever since.

    #55, can we be bog witches together please

  5. A friend once requested from the barber to look like “a sexy boyscout” and that really stuck with me

    Someday I will ask my stylist for the sexy boyscout

    But usually I just say short and clean

  6. I don’t remember what I wrote, but I’m mentally high fiving the person who wrote Scully bob (a v. specific form of the bisexual bob?). bc I had that for YEARS until somewhat recently. maybe I’m high fiving myself but that’s cool.

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