18 Alternate Names For The Superb Owl XLVIII

Hey, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s this giant sports event taking place on Sunday. I wish I could talk to you about it, but, like a certain Harry Potter villain, we’re no longer allowed to name it.

SB Nation explains:

You’ve probably heard a bunch of local tire shops, strip clubs, and stereo stores promoting half-assed sales this weekend by alluding to some sort of championship football game, but not actually coming out and saying “The Super Bowl.” I, for one, am in favor of a strip club exemption for all copyright infringements as a blanket provision, but that’s neither here nor there. The fact is, most companies are not allowed to use the phrases “Super Bowl” or “Super Sunday,” both of which have been copyrighted by the NFL … The NFL is so aggressively litigious about protecting its trademark that it has companies running scared, policing themselves.

But then how do we talk about it?? Here’s what you can/should say instead:

1. Puppy Bowl: The Early Years

2. The Reason We’ve All Seen Janet Jackson’s Right Nipple

3. Superb Owl

4. Non-Erotic Beefy Man Wrestling, No Homo

5. Super Erotic Beefy Man Wrestling, All The Homo

6. “Can I Make That Into A Dip” Sunday

7. That Time of Year We All Try To Remember Roman Numerals

8. That Thing I Hear Happened Before And After Beyonce’s Superdome Concert Last Year

9. Annual Racist, Misogynist Commercial Spectacular

10. Puppies and Giant Horses Try To Sell You Beer Day

11. Special Time Reserved To Sit With Your Friends And Make Incredulous Noises That Someone Spent $4M On That 30 Second Ad

12. Annual Justification For Misanthropy

13. The Stoner Bowl

14. The I’m Not Hungry Actually I Just Ate Obscene Amounts of Munchies Games

15. That Day You Spend On The Couch Before Spending The Next Day On The Bowl

16. The Day Before Everyone Has A Hangover On A Monday

17. Look At Those Fools In The Cold 2014

18. The Day When Everyone Will Notice The New York Football Stadium Is Actually In A Swamp In New Jersey

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Laura Mandanas

Laura Mandanas is a Filipina American living in Boston. By day, she works as an industrial engineer. By night, she is beautiful and terrible as the morn, treacherous as the seas, stronger than the foundations of the Earth. All shall love her and despair. Follow her: @LauraMWrites.

Laura has written 210 articles for us.


    • I feel incredibly foreign with regards to the aforementioned insanely gigantic sports event of men chasing an egg.

  1. I’m trying to avoid my mom asking questions so I have a Very Serious Internet face on right now but when I got to “look at those fools in the cold” I just lost it, I lost it all

  2. I have to give it Colbert for being pretty clever about it all week, specially with the Superb Owl, and all his guest.

    The where is the vegan dip bowl?

    When is the lingerie bowl starting?

    Fuc* I just lost money bowl.

  3. My birthday! :)

    …which doesn’t fall on the same day as that superb owl every year, but it does this year.

  4. That Colbert video is Not Available In My Country. But I posted this on Facebook today, because owls > football. So you and Stephen are both obviously reading my mind.

  5. The “The Seahawks are Probably Going to Lose But OMG I’m So Excited They’re There in the First Place” Bowl

    • Also known as pinnacle of the current “Seattle has a sports team that’s winning, therefore the whole city enthusiastically jumps onto the bandwagon for the season” adventure. (Which I have no shame in being a part of.)

  6. If I may humbly contribute;

    19. Poor Man’s Roller Derby

    20. National Future-Dementia Celebration Day

    21. “It’s not Gay If There Ain’t No Eye Contact” Awareness Event Thingy

    22. Gay Pride Parade

  7. The actual governor of Colorado officially designated 2/2/2014 as “Denver Broncos Mania Day” and decided to temporarily (for that day) rename allllllllll of the 14ers (14k ft mountains) for Broncos players.
    Because, you know, that’s the most productive thing he could possibly do with his time.
    Way to turn me into a Seahawks fan.

  8. You know, it seemed pretty dumb for the NFL to be making such a huge deal about this since it’s already making zillions of dollars of the NY/NJ Swampfest anyway. But in doing so, they’ve managed to get the attention of one of their most elusive demographics: those who like puns.

    I feel like they played us.

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