15 Horny Songs from My Youth I Thought I’d Have Sex to by Now

It’s been a dream of mine to grind on top of someone’s daughter to a semi-spicy bop since forever.

I lived my teen years through television and film, most of which I certainly should not have been watching. I had a TV in my room, WITH CABLE and my parents were too busy or didn’t care enough to supervise my entertainment intake. They probably assumed I was just watching DCOM’s but instead, there I was watching American Pie and Belly while taking notes with my pom-pom pen, armed and ready to reverse cowgirl any local lesbian who would have me.

When you’re watching movies as a horny teenager, sex scenes can be romantic and terrifying. A (probably white) couple starts looking into each other’s eyes, the background music starts to swell and then BAM, they are on the twin mattress with their shirts off ready to fumbly fuck around to sultry pop music. Being queer, I wasn’t entirely sure yet how sex was going to work out for me, but I was positive about one thing, there would be music. I was not going to lose my virginity in silence! There would be a sexy soundtrack and I would even orgasm on the beat!

In the end, the soundtrack to my first sexual experience ended up being a re-run of an episode of Passions. Yet I still hold on to my dream of being properly pounded out to these raunchy songs from my youth.


Ginuwine “Pony”

“Send chills up and down your spine. Juice flowing down your thigh.”

The minute I heard “Pony” I wanted to unbutton the top of my jeans and crawl across the floor until I reached the crotch of some girl’s sweet carabiner clad khakis.


112 “Peaches and Cream”

“Wanna taste it in the morning when I’m waking up. Like peach cobbler in my stomach when I eat it up.”

I figured I’d be blindfolded on a bed while some beautiful babe licked dollops of sweet cream off my bits while the S to L to I to M crooned about some very popular state fruits.


Nas “Oochie Wally”

“Hit her where she doodie at, make that booty fat. Little cutie rat, walking by with the doobie wrap.”

This was the naughtiest, nastiest, sexiest song I heard when I was younger, it had dirty talk galore and gave me endless content to speak into my pillow before I proceeded to make out with it.


Mya “It’s All About Me”

“It’s all about me me me me me. Forget about you you you you you”

Because even then I knew I was very capable of being a bossy bottom. Also, this song starts with whispers… and a bitch still loves whispers.


Petey Pablo “Freak-A-Leek”

“(How you like it daddy) Shamika, Kiesha, Tara (freek-a-leek) , (How you like it daddy) Shonda, Sabrina, Crystal, Derhonda (freek-a-leek).”

I was very positive I was gay by the time this song came out. I thought it was more of a checklist with the names and sex positions of my future partners, Derhonda in particular.


Khia “My Neck, My Back”

“My neck, My back, lick my pussy and my crack”

You already know.


Ludacris “What’s Your Fantasy?”

“I wanna get you in the back seat windows up, That’s the way you like to fuck, clogged up, fog alert”

My fantasy was sexy car sex, I desperately wanted to get sweaty in the back of my mom’s Jeep Grand Cherokee in a Kroger’s parking lot, but I failed my driver’s test four times so this one would have to wait a little while longer.


Trina “B R Right”

“I want my ass smacked, legs wide, front back, side to side. Pussy wet, Slip-N-Slide, yup everything gonna be alright”

I wanted to be in a hot tub clad in a gold bikini while my imaginary girlfriend poured champagne on us both, but I now realize how expensive that scenario is and I’m grown enough to know that you DO NOT waste champagne.


Cameo “Candy”

“Strawberry! Raspberry!”

I really don’t know why? I think this was just because I was watching Varsity Blues & Jawbreaker on repeat.


Joi “Lick”

“You’ve got lock and key, Every part of me, Know what makes me tick, I love it when you lick”

I wanted to use my Carmen Elecktra pole dancing moves to seduce a fellow queer girl into my canopy bed while the drapes magically blew around us.


Adina Howard “T-Shirt & Panties”

“Imagine me, Wet as can be, Between my legs, Ya tasting me”

I was obsessed with winning a spring break wet t-shirt contest for a few years. I wanted the girl of my dreams to run on the stage after I got my sash and whisk me away for a quickie in what would probably be a porta-potty.


Junior M.A.F.I.A “Players Anthem”

“Grab your dick if you love hip-hop! (Bitches) Rub your titties if you love Big Poppa!”

Another song that gave me directions, the future sub in me couldn’t wait to fuck to this and make a hot top smack a gold star on my forehead.


Boyz II Men “End of the Road”

“Why do you play with my heart? Why do you play with my mind?”

I imagined this one in the shower where I had a non-protective hairstyle but didn’t care if my wash-n-go got ruined because I was making sweet romantic love. It should be noted that the shower lovemaking is happening after our 3rd break-up.


Crazytown “Butterfly”

“Whatever tickles your fancy, Girl it’s you like Sid and Nancy”

I’ll allow you all to judge me. In fact, I demand it.


And last but not least:

Tony Toni Tone “Anniversary”

“Today I have lots of fun stuff for you girl”

I’m not sure I wanted to have sex to this but I for sure wanted to wear furry heels and a satin robe while feeding my future wife fresh strawberries and ginger ale. A bitch also likes fun stuff sooooo…


HERE’S THE PLAYLIST:

If someone’s daughter/cousin/aunty is trying to turn me out to this playlist while whispering sweet nothings into my vagine — my DM’s are always open.

Shelli Nicole is a Detroit-raised, Chicago-based friendly black hottie whose work on race and culture has appeared in Bustle, HelloGiggles & Missbehave Magazine. Follow her on Twitter (@HiShelli) for fiery emotions & Instagram (@AyoShelli) for fire selfies.

Shelli has written 1 articles for us.

37 Comments

  1. My first girlfriend would play…… Yanni. And Enya. I will not be providing a link to Yanni. Enya is fine, got nothing against her, it’s just not the soundtrack to teenage lust, you know? Anyway, Yanni. Then her dad walked in on us. Boom!

  2. Well, obviously…

    In my head, I always thought it’d be the perfect song to accompany my first time with someone where the tension is just so palpable…

    But in reality, those moments spark quickly and ain’t nobody got time for me to put Floetry on repeat.

  3. I, who fucks to music from horror/monster films, creepy classic music, and once foolishly tried to masturbate in time with a thrash metal song cannot judge but encourage you to live your dreams and one day get it on to those tunes.
    They’re good slow and dirty with room for teasing tunes, dancing to Pony lead to sex for me once.

    If I can check off my adolescent have sex to dream songs list anybody can.

  4. I know that this song is very much about enjoying one’s own company (instead of the cute girl next door) but I cannot help but want to include it in the playlist of stuff my Sunday School teacher would have been scandalized by in the late 90’s/early 00’s. I always thought it was so great/hot.

    Oops by Tweet

  5. As a kid I thought the How Do you Want(more so video) from 2Pac feat K-Ci & JoJo was a real hot one to get down too. Yet to do it. I think the last time I did a strip dance for a queer gal was to A Tribe Called Quest – Electric relaxation.

    When I was working at my first real job I met the singer to CrazyTown. It was a pharmacy and he at the time was a regular. This was around 2004 and really friendly in person.

    I really dig anything Tony, Toni, Tone! does. Unrelated, the new Raphael Saadiq album is great.

  6. I don’t know what I was thinking but I figured „Doin‘ It“ was supposed to be on that list and also „Underwater Love“.
    I really approve of that list of yours, special kudos go to „Butterfly“ which I never thought of in „that way“ but genius! However, one thing: How did „End of the Road“get on there?

  7. If you’re HORNY
    lets DO it,
    RIDE it,
    my PONY

    YES this brings back memories (of bisexual teenage me and their need to GRIND)

    Then I thought the only thing missing now is Butterfly… What can I say… You DELIVERED and I feel so seen!

    Also butterfly has BUTT in it so.

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