Not Gay, Stupid.
That night at the family dinner, Emily’s mum asks Emily if she was ‘roughed up’ by a boy. Emily she says no, she’s just looking messy because she’s just come from doing a chick.
Emily: “Her name’s Naomi. She’s rather beautiful…”
Katie calls her a liar and passes it off as a joke. She accuses Emily of conjuring up the Naomi relationship because she’s jealous of all the suburban magazine trappings of success she’s been socialized to desire but obviously does not because she prefers poonany –
Katie: “I get more boys than you. I look better in clothes than you. I’m more popular than you.”
This argument goes on and on, all you need to know is that nobody wins or asks why she has such rough sex with this allegedly “rather beautiful” girl. Meanwhile Dad is forcing their fattie son to do pull-ups, but that’s another story.
“Gordon McPhearson says you call them dykes because you have to stick their fingers in them,” says Emily and Katie’s little brother. Just a little fun fact for ya.
Meet the Parents.
My Mom's Gross, Can I Have Yours?
Naomi eventually shows up at Emily’s house, likely to get back together because that’s what she does, it’s her thing. Very indecisive. Emily’s mother, however, is not ready to have a dyke as a daughter-in-law.
Emily’s mum: “I want you to stop putting ideas in her head. She is not gay.”
Naomi: “I’m not gay.”
Emily’s mum: “Good, then there’s nothing to worry about then, is there? … I want you to disappear now, Naomi…”
Asking her to disappear sounds very mob-ish, and gets me worried about the vortex. No problem anyhow because Naomi stands her ground, fighting for her right to date Emily. JK, she just runs out the door, as per ush.
I can’t explain Emily’s dress.
Emily and Katie have made up and are buying dresses for the Love Ball. Katie’s in high spirits, partially because she thinks she’s saved her sister from the dark side and partially because said sister looks like a cupcake ticker tape parade.
Katie decides that JJ is going to be the perfect heterosexual Love Ball date for Emily. She also finds out that Emily gave him that sympathy lay and thinks this reaffirms her ‘Not Gay, Stupid’ theory.
Katie really wants to run this theory by Naomi, and so when Naomi calls Emily later that day –
Katie pretends to be Emily and asks Naomi to meet her for coffee. At said meeting, Naomi argues for Katie to just let Emily be who Emily is –
Naomi: “She can’t help who she is, Katie.”
Katie: “Oh yeah? Seems like she could help it when she was fucking JJ.”
Naomi does this magical thing with her eyes where she looks dead
Naomi is a little stunned, and she doesn’t argue much when Katie warns her to stay away from the college Love Ball. Katie says it’s out of love, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s also out of douchebaggery.
The Love Ball.
This is what a Love Ball looks like, in case you were wondering. There are no ladies for sale here, however. Just cardboard and Christmas lights.
This is what individuality looks like, different hair accessories.
One of these two is not like the other
The girls’ dates are JJ and Freddie, whose egos visibly shatter when Naomi defies Katie by rocking up to the ball, dashing all hopes the boys had of getting laid –
Fuck Your Mother I'm Wearing Plaid to Prom Bitches
Naomi: “How sweet, out on a foursome. It should be fun. Emily’s great in the sack, isn’t she JJ?”
Who looks better in clothes now, bitch?
Emily: “Naomi, I wanted to tell you.”
Naomi: “Yeah? But you didn’t, did you.”
Naomi is well pissed off. She brushes past them and runs into the Ball, conveniently forgetting to tell Emily about that time she jumped Cook. Katie chases after Naomi and they get into a scrag fight –
Naomi: “I didn’t need to know about JJ, but you loved telling me, didn’t you.”
Katie: “She deserved it!”
I’m skimming through this scene intentionally because I don’t like girl fights. Emily seems to though, because she starts getting into fisticuffs with Katie and it’s a fuschia fest…
Not one to really put herself out there, Naomi sits in an empty classroom thinking about what she’s done while Bono croons sadly in the distance.
When All I Want Is You
Emily, who is now only one second shy of giving Katie a true beat down, has a change of heart –
Emily: “Katie, I can’t stand this. I’m a person. I’m not you.”
Katie: “I know.”
Emily takes off her purple dress Clark Kent-style, revealing a little black dress underneath. GET IT!? SHE’S NOT KATIE ANYMORE.
Emily: “You have to understand – I love you, and I’ll never really leave you. But I can’t fix this. I like girls. No – I like a girl. No – I love her…
As Emily confesses her love for Naomi, Naomi’s in the background holding out her hand with a little bit of jazz in the fingertips and as far as high school prom endings go, this scene wins.
Naomi: “Some party.”
Emily: “Eventful.”
Naomi: “Yeah. … I love you too.”
Emily: “I know.”
Whee! It’s over! So what did y’all think? Are you still reading?
We’ll find out what happens to Naomily when season 4 airs in the UK next year – however if this season preview is anything to go by, this relationship will return to your TV screen at full force:
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I learned from watching Sugar Rush that when someone talks about someone’s fanny, they don’t mean their ass like they do in the US…
That is very true. It’s the same for Australia, we are also not talking about their ass.
Ok I thought this storyline was so weird, like Emily was chasing her after and begging Naomi to be with her just because she could be there when Naomi felt needy, not b/c she actually expected Naomi to fully love her back in the same way. It was really cute at the end and the whole show feels so much more honest than anything else I’ve ever seen, but I was surprised based on the hype how weird it was in that regard.
You’re right, it is weird. For the first half of the storyline I sorta felt that Emily didn’t need Naomi to love her back, that she just wanted to be with her to see if she could. But maybe I’m projecting.
naomi was totally doing jazz hands when she held out her hand at the end. it was probably because she was holding her hand out for so long and it started to fall asleep. the whole time i was watching that part i just kept thinking “that must be really awkward, putting your arm out and waiting for her to grab and but it would probs be even weirder to put it down now that you’re had it up for do long–oh wait she just said she loves you, i guess it’s ok.” i don’t know what i thought so many thoughts about that scene.
haha, yeah for real, that scene probably took a while to film. I thought the jazz hands were a really sweet touch, there’s something innocent about them, probably because they feature in a lot of high school movies that also feature dance offs.
I’m pretty sure that you are the Queen of Recaps.
“If Emily got eaten by a bear, Naomi would be very upset that she hadn’t spent the last five weeks scissoring.”
Best. Line. Ever.
I agree. I don’t watch this show, and probably wouldn’t even like it. But your recaps are fun to read. I guess it runs in the Autostraddle family.
Also we’re all double jointed!
Kate, as we discussed OFFLINE, Riese is the true Queen of Recaps and the author of the scissoring quip. I do not use the word scissoring. Riese, on the other hand, likes to use it in every second sentence.
oh, these kids are cute city! i kinda used to hate accents like the ones on skins, i guess i don’t really anymore.
btw hilarious recap! good job.
I feel like the cat-flap scene has the potential to become really iconic in the rising generation of UK queermos. “When did you know?” “Ohmigod, the CATFLAP SCENE.” “Right?”
Hah right! It’s a memorable scene, for sure, I’m sure at minimum it probably planted seeds of doubt in one or two straight teenagers.
I just noticed that in the recap we also referred to it as a ‘cat trap door’, which sounds sinister.
Hmm. I just saw this recap now. Anyway, always last to the party, I just wanted to say on BBC America they occasionally use subtitles. LOL. Especially on Cook.
Subtitles?! Actually yeah, I can understand that, and i’m a Brit!
Naomi is 20 and Emily is 19 in real life.. so fear not you won;t burn in hell..
Hi, I loved the recap. I just wanted to point out that, in her coming out speech to JJ, Emily says she likes soft thighs, not eyes.
Omgaaaaaaaaaaawd!
This is by far the WORST recap I’ve ever read! No’no’no, just no.. DO NOT do anymore of this.. The rophy // Heather hogan ones we’re brill .. (oh yea, totally panda there)But this? NO! *Looks at this site whit a disappointed look, beyond words*
oh I just love this two so fucking much.
just…arrrgh, there are not words to describe all the feelings they make me feel.
of course, I’m a kid, much like them so it seems more… important than lesbian storylines involving adults.
the lake scene is one of those scenes I have seen about five hundred billion times and always always always reblog when I see on tumblr. they’re a permanent fixture on my blog,really.
I must say, I remember Emily saying “I’m a lot of things” to JJ after clarifying it was a charity event.
I saw so much of myself in Emily, it’s incredible. I’m not a twin but I am younger sister,so I understood her so much. and I understood Naomi, too. her fear and insecurity, the rebeliousness and the fight against injustice…
I don’t think I had connected with a ship so much since Darcy and Elizabeth