19 Horrifying Thanksgiving Dinner Ideas From Vintage Food Ads

Posted byriese

on November 21, 2012

Ahhh, it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a pack of cigarettes and some hearty Spam Birds, would it? Let's dig in!

19 Strange Thanksgiving Dinner Ideas From Vintage Ads:

1. Old Gold Cigarettes w/Turkey

2. Holiday Vegetable Loaf With Apple Rings, Mashed Potatoes and "Cranberry Turkey"

3. Hot Dr. Pepper Cocktails

4. SPAM Birds

5. Mayonaise, Jell-O & Cranberry Sauce Candles

6. Mayonnaise On All The Things

7. Butter On All The Things

8. Cigarettes With All The Things

9. Beer with All The Things = Freedom

10. Banquet Frozen Thanksgiving TV Dinner

11. Orange Mallow Yam Yums

12. Duck in a Box

13. Clear Mushroom Soup With Whipped Cream

14. Frozen Jellied Turkey Vegetable Salad

via flickr.com/photos/charmandpoise

15. Bugles, Whistles and Daisy's Trim-a-Tree Dip

via flickr.com/photos/x-ray_delta_one

16. Pumpkin Pie With Black Splotches Of Flavor Magic

17. Cranberry Surprise

Eat-Mor Cranberry Booklet, circa 1940, via flickr.com/photos/alsis35/

18. Leftover Turkey WIth Mayonaise and Jell-O

Clearly, what all this proves is that AMERICA MAKES THE BEST OF EVERYTHING! I mean, look at this guy:

See?

44 responses to “19 Horrifying Thanksgiving Dinner Ideas From Vintage Food Ads”

Lone Wolf (member)
November 21, 2012 at 1:20 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Dear lord all this ‘food’ is terrifying. The world has just become a much darker place.

6
carrie (member)
November 21, 2012 at 1:24 pm Permalink Reply

brb, off to make a Hot Dr. Pepper Cocktail so I can join the “proud crowd.”

12
1. Mer (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  This one actually kinda appealed to me!
  
  3
  1. Jay (member)
    November 21, 2012 at 10:49 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I get lots of weird reactions from people when I tell them I actually prefer soda room temp or slightly warm. It just tastes better.
    
    0
2. andreac (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  I just tried heating up the rest of my Dr. Pepper from lunch, and meh. Blander than the cold version. Maybe would have been better with lemon, which I did not have.
  
  #14, Frozen Jellied Turkey Vegetable Salad, is in favor of AIDS awareness, so that’s good.
  
  8
  1. mmmmclaire (member)
    November 22, 2012 at 12:06 am Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I saw that, too. Like…wait a sec…
    
    0
Niki (member)
November 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Some of this food looks like it might actually be pretty good.

2
1. Cuntess von Fingerbang (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  See, I thought that too, but then I realized that it’s 2:50pm and I haven’t eaten yet today. So I’m not sure if I’d feel the same way on a full stomach.
  
  2
Bri
November 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm Permalink Reply

I actually drink hot Dr. Pepper in the winter; I didn’t think anyone else did that. I wouldn’t add lemon, but it’s actually really good by itself. (Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!)

3
VA
November 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm Permalink Reply

What is in “cranberry surprise”?

Do I want to know? Probably not.

Also, is it bad that I kind of want to try the orange marshmallow yam yums?

4
1. Rachel (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm Permalink Reply
  
  no i totally had the same thought
  
  0
Grace_B (member)
November 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Blehhhhh. Thank goodness for the Thanksvegan posts, otherwise I’d never get my appetite back.

1
Alli (member)
November 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm Permalink Reply Report user

My family totally makes marshmallow yams every year!! No orange slices though.

2
1. riese
  November 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm Permalink Reply
  
  I love marshmallow sweet potatoes , but I dunno about the oranges
  
  1
2. Kirsten (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 5:18 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Yup we do marshmallow sweet potatoes with orange. It’s totally legit. I think it’s the only recipe on this list that tastes good and won’t give you cancer.
  
  3
Jess
November 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm Permalink Reply

Just Mouthopen Sitting Here, no worries…

0
kd15 (member)
November 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Nothing makes me gag faster than the smell of yams cooking and I hate mayonnaise, so about half this list is my worst nightmare of Thanksgiving foods

1
difficiledame (member)
November 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm Permalink Reply Report user

I still think beer with all the things is a GREAT idea.

12
Sophie
November 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm Permalink Reply

I’m not sure, but I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Personally think the “candles” seem the most disturbing. Just… no.

5
1. Chandra (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 8:36 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  Right? I don’t want my salad to fall over and light me on fire, thank you.
  
  7
  1. riese (member)
    November 21, 2012 at 8:40 pm Permalink Reply
    
    my whole life all i’ve ever dreamed of is my salad falling over and lighting me on fire
    
    13
Adrian (member)
November 21, 2012 at 2:45 pm Permalink Reply Report user

The heated Dr. Pepper is mos def a regional thing. My mom’s folks from Illinois/Michigan/Wisconsin will pour a mug of Dr P and pop it in the microwave. Also, mayonnaise, Jello and meat should not be consumed in any combination. *shudders*

7
1. riese (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm Permalink Reply
  
  i lived in michigan for 21 years and never saw a heated-up doctor pepper! what is this madness
  
  2
2. Torrebelle (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 3:50 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  It was popular here in the ski towns of Colorado too. My ma tells me stories about skiing and heading back to the lodge for Hot Dr. Pepper Cocktails back in the 70′s.
  
  1
  1. Jay (member)
    November 21, 2012 at 10:52 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    I’ve heard it’s a German thing to drink soda and other “cold” drinks warm. I like it.
    
    0
Aimee (member)
November 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm Permalink Reply Report user

If I think butter on All The Things is a good idea does that mean I have a problem? I think I have a problem…

8
1. Lanie
  November 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm Permalink Reply
  
  Actually my Mother used a Paula Deen turkey recipe that involved putting butter under the skin of the turkey to add moisture and it was lovely. It may have been the best one yet. So I support your butter appreciation at least on the glutton holiday.
  
  5
  1. Aimee (member)
    November 21, 2012 at 7:00 pm Permalink Reply Report user
    
    Cooking a chicken or turkey without stuffing butter under the skin isn’t even an option! Yup, I definitely have a butter problem.
    
    2
2. foxy_boo (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  No I think it means youre Irish, cuz I also thought that one was totally normal.
  
  2
3. riese (member)
  November 22, 2012 at 10:02 am Permalink Reply
  
  yeah i think it is totally normal to make turkey like that (idk, i’ve never eaten a thanksgiving turkey), i just wanted to include that picture ’cause it’s funny. there were a lot of ads about butter; what i find interesting about it is that there’s no awareness that it’s not “good for you”? like they’re trying to sell it as something that’s healthy in the same way they’re trying to sell cigarettes and mayonnaise and beer (which is also normal), which definitely isn’t done anymore. like everyone still eats and drinks those things, but they don’t do so because they think it’s good for them in those quantities, they do so because it’s good, period.
  
  0
V.Sacha (member)
November 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Fried Spam with eggs, Spam sandwich, Spam salad, Spam Musubi? Definitely YES!!! Spam Birds? NOOOOO!
Also, I just picked up marshmallows, brown sugar, & a can of pineapples for Yams. It’s not Thanksgiving for my family without my Mom’s sugar infused yams. But now I’m thinking we should change the yams so it’s not loaded with sugar. Hmmmm

1
Kate
November 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm Permalink Reply

When I was a teenager and on Weight Watchers at my mother’s request (for the millionth time) I found this website of old Weight Watcher recipe cards. They are equally horrifying: http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html

Also, cigarettes are good with every meal, and I will stick to that until I’m 30 and force myself to quit.

3
Capri
November 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm Permalink Reply

10. Fresh-TASTING peas.

9
Daphne (member)
November 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm Permalink Reply Report user

Just heat Dr. Pepper or Diet Dr. Pepper in a saucepan until steaming hot.

I never knew it was so simple! I’d have been making hot Dr. Pepper all this time if I’d have known! Better go catch up, and also reheat some expensive-tasting peas while I’m at it.

(Seriously though I could eat about 1/3 of that dip tree platter in one sitting.)

0
Karen (member)
November 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm Permalink Reply Report user

I wonder what the lady in ad 7 had to do to become the senior home economist. What does the junior home economist do? Do they get stuck making the Jello salads?

4
LeTiss
November 21, 2012 at 8:07 pm Permalink Reply

butter as a baste…standard and lazy. but by george it’s good.

2
Susan
November 21, 2012 at 9:16 pm Permalink Reply

Awesome collection. It reminds me of one of my favorite websites/books, the Gallery of Regrettable Foods.

2
1. Mer (member)
  November 21, 2012 at 9:57 pm Permalink Reply Report user
  
  every holiday my mom puts this book out and our family howls with laughter over it!! My favourite is the cabbage that looks like some sort of freaky alien brain.
  
  0
Paula
November 21, 2012 at 10:47 pm Permalink Reply

If anything this calls for a themed thanksgiving party.

1
Heather (member)
November 22, 2012 at 1:02 am Permalink Reply Report user

My mama’s been making me hot Dr. Pepper with lemon for years! It has a strange calming effect on me now. Reminds me of childhood, I guess.

0
Cat (member)
November 22, 2012 at 2:42 am Permalink Reply Report user

If someone tried to serve me turkey or chicken without having cooked it with butter under its skin, I would throw that plate of food on the floor. standard.

0
Bren (member)
November 22, 2012 at 7:53 am Permalink Reply

“You’ll thank the day you bought your first carton.”

Oh, America.

1
handydandy (member)
November 22, 2012 at 9:28 am Permalink Reply Report user

“Of course, you can make just about any meal something special by using butter when you cook”. Normally I’d agree with with this, but I don’t think even butter could save either of those Jell-O recipes.

0
Alix
November 23, 2012 at 12:10 am Permalink Reply

Beer and cigarettes with thanks giving dinner? As long as its not going in the turkey, sign me up.

0