You Need Help ON VIDEO: You Don’t Need Help

Welcome to You Need Help! Where you seek advice and we try our very best to give it.

This has traditionally been done by way of individual Formspring accounts, Autostraddle’s Tumblr and a Formspring Friday column, which has all been very fun and insightful. But, because Formspring has a character limit and we’re wildly optimistic w/r/t our time-management skills, we thought we’d go one further and let you use our ASS private messaging to share advice-related feelings, too.

For more info on sending in questions, see the bottom of this post. Let’s get down to bossing people around on the internet! Today we help you deal with your “not very good looking” girlfriend, your charismatic girlfriend, your best friend’s sister and your haircut.

But this week we do it ON VIDEO! Rising Star Haviland Stillwell and I filmed some stuff for a vlog and then figured we’d shoot some advice answers too. So this is sort of bare-bones no-frills video editing, but I think it’s okay. Also there’s like 20 seconds of black space on the end of each video, whoops!


Question: I like a girl. People are always telling me that I’m very beautiful and she’s hardly good-looking. I don’t care because I like her, who she is. But how can I deal with society’s stupid ideas that people shouldn’t date people “out of their league”?

You Need Help: On Video from Riese on Vimeo.

I’d just like to add that I think this seems to matter a lot more when you’re younger — I mean when your’e really young, I feel like “dating” is often just matching up people who seem to be the same level of physically attractive. Then people get older and realize how much love changes what somebody looks like and that it’s much more complicated than that.
This next video we tackle several pressing questions:

Q. I’ve developed a major crush on my best friend’s sister and I’m afraid about either of them finding out and it’s clear they can sense my discomfort. Any suggestions on how to get rid of the awkwardness without having to tell anyone?

Q. Do you think it’s appropriate to go down on a girl the first time you sleep together? My friend and I were debating this, I think it’s fine, especailly if you’ve been on a few dates with the girl already.

Q. I’m dating a girl who’s quite charismatic and it’s making me insecure because when we go out it’s obvious that everyone notices/likes her more than me. How do I deal with this? I thought I was over my self-doubting.

Q.  I got a terrible haircut and now I look like Ellen Page from Hard Candy.

You Need Help: Video #2 from Riese on Vimeo.


To send your question via ASS personal messaging, choose an editor: Riese | Laneia | Rachel
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Riese is the 40-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3036 articles for us.


  1. Related to the last question posted (Q. I got a terrible haircut and now I look like Ellen Page from Hard Candy), am I the only lesbo out there who thought Ellen’s hair was shit-hot in that flick? Or did I just paint myself into a Patrick-Wilson-pervert-corner with that admission? Discuss.

    • 1. Ellen Page was 17 throughout filming. You still may or may not be a creeper, but at least it’s better than 14.

      2. I’m pretty sure Ellen’s character wasn’t actually 14 either…at least the film intentionally cast doubt on everything she told Patrick Wilson about herself, i.e. her name and her age.

  2. True life, I’m dating my best friend’s sister! While there are awkward, ear-covering “la la la” moments on the part of my best friend when there’s lovin’ inadvertently alluded to, it’s pretty goddamn great overall.

  3. I’m an idiot, the third question threw me off for awhile there. I was like ‘Isn’t eating out the point of sleeping together?Whaa?Have I always been a philistine lesbian?’. But then I calmed down,adjusted my top hat and told myself that I’m just a normal slutty lesbian. Phew.

  4. “yeah figure that shit out” is pretty golden, i think.

    also ftr i had a brief BRIEF moment of panic when i heard “what’s the best way to fire someone…” because obviously i thought it was about me, as the world revolves.

    • There are tons of great apps and websites that you can enjoy right now if you have a smartphone. These devices have internet connectivity so you can do a lot of things. One of the most common things you can see on different apps these days is videos because they are everywhere. If you are also a content creator, then Kinemaster Prime is the app for you! This is the premium version of the app without any fees! Kinemaster is one of the most popular editing apps for smartphones today. In this app you can enjoy a 100% working app with all available premium features. This means you don’t have to worry about watermarks on your videos, plus you can enjoy many features here

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