For those who believe in it, astrology can be a powerful tool for introspection and self-knowledge — or you can use it to talk shit about your ex and obsess over your crush. Journey with us as we do both, and then head to the comments to live your truth.
A. Andrews, Cartoonist
I’ve never dated a Cancer, but I’ve definitely had to have full on break ups with Cancer hookups and yikes. I love my Cancer pals, but fear I’m too insensitive to handle romantic Cancer//Leo relationship dynamics.
Vanessa Friedman, Community Editor
Once I was lying in bed with my Cancer (now ex) girlfriend and I came across one of those astrology BINGO memes and one of the squares for Cancer said “buries the hatchet but never ever forgets where it is in the backyard” and I showed that to her and she looked at me very seriously and said, “yeah, that’s true.” And then just stared at me for a while. Anyway I could say more but I’m scared of hurting All Cancer Collective Feelings, bye!!!!!!!!!!
Al(aina) Monts, Writer
Okay, I think this might be controversial, but I love dating Cancers??? They are attentive, they let me know when they’re feeling sensitive, they love cuddling. Listen, Cancers might be the way, truth, and light.
Stef Schwartz, Vapid Fluff Editor
I lost my virginity to a Cancer, and for years afterwards we were extremely close friends who talked each other through trying emotional times (like say, being fucked with by two consecutive Geminis). I think he’s a therapist now. He was a sweetheart. Would crab again.
Carolyn Yates, Writer
Cancers are boundary-less passive aggressors more interested in who they think you are than the person standing before them – not in an idealistic seeing the best potential in everyone sort of way, but in a wow are you really not listening at all sort of way.
Rachel Kincaid, Managing Editor
It is with a heavy heart I say that Cancers are my least favorite sign. Both my parents are Cancers — both of them!!! — and Jesus Mary, I have had enough. I have only technically dated one Cancer, my high school boyfriend of ~2 years, who was much more on the “cold and withholding” end of the Cancer spectrum than “sensitive and emotionally fragile” end, but it still gets the job done. The negative Cancer archetypes — overly sensitive, defensive, both needy and punishing, manipulative and addicted to performative victimhood — are all the worst parts of my childhood and my absolute least favorite interpersonal experiences in general. Not saying all of y’all are like that, or when you are that you’re like that all the time! Just saying never again am I going to wait while someone makes a scene out of sulking around the house, possibly for days, holding the household hostage emotionally until they feel like talking about what they’re upset about!
Mika Albornoz, Writer
Positive: They’re very sweet and caring people. It feels okay to be vulnerable with them because you know they’ll empathize.
Negative: They think their brand of care is the brand of care everyone needs which, nope. Also if they fail at taking care of you they will put you on the hook for reassuring them they’re still good caretakers? Some water sign shit like that.