One of my favorite things about the place we are right now in fashion is that everyone is just inventing their own styles. We’re not just stuck with butch or femme to identify with; we can be androgynous, a femme-boi, tomboy femme, lazy femme, butch queen, androgynous, hot dad chic — the possibilities literally don’t end. According to our recent style survey, my style lies somewhere between the very center and femme, sometimes embracing more masculine cuts. For me, that means little feminine things like ruffles, bows, and pinks, but really straight tailoring that doesn’t accentuate my curves, and higher necklines so I can wear my binder. It’s the best of androgynous style (which does not mean menswear) and femme style and while it’s hard to find things that make me feel really good, it’s always worth the work to put together a look that makes me feel just right.
A reader asked for some wedding looks for a person with an androgynous/femme aesthetic that they could wear to a straight family member’s wedding and I immediately asked to make a style guide because getting fancy for grandma while still feeling like myself is one of my favorite things to do. I’d originally intended to do about four or five looks and got overwhelmed by the endless possibilities of online shopping, so here we are. There’s lots to pick from, enjoy!
For pants, I like something either high-waisted, cropped, or both. Weddings are a fun time to try out patterns, and I love a good rose/blush color as well. Unless the wedding is black tie (and if so, lucky you!), I’d stay away from black, but a nice navy blue never hurt anybody, and we can all use some more of it in our closets. Bows on pants are also a really nice way to add a femme touch to an otherwise straight silhouette and I love the many options that ASOS has in a bunch of different sizes.
When I’m looking for a top, I’m looking for something that will cover up my binder — high necklines or button-ups — but that won’t make people think I’m butch. I love butches, but it’s just not my style, and because I have short hair, I almost always automatically get lumped into that aesthetic anyway. So for a wedding, I’d choose a silk blouse (I honestly hate that word) in a fun color, or a frilly top in a sweet color like pink or coral or white. Be careful with white though, I fully abide by Emily Post’s rules of etiquette, and according to the 19th edition, you can’t wear all white to a wedding. I feel like this matters even moreso if you’re going to a traditional hetero wedding where the bride is wearing white. So if you wear white pants, wear a different color top.
Rompers and Dresses
I am obsessed with a good shift dress or a good romper. Anything that gives me a pretty straight figure, while making my legs look ten miles long is something I need in my closet. Rompers are also great because they are so comfy. You don’t have to wear any underwear with a romper. Straight family is tiring enough, do yourself a favor and put together an outfit that is literally just one piece but will make you look like you worked really hard on it. Plus, most of these have pockets!!!
I used to be obsessed with wearing heels, but now I save them for weddings, galas, nights at the opera, or nights at the ballet. Since these are events that don’t happen too often, it’s fun to break out the shoes that you wouldn’t normally wear. Heels add a super feminine touch to any outfit and also make me feel 7 thousand feet tall and like the most powerful being in the whole world. Sandals are also just always a good choice for a (summer or spring) wedding because they can easily look super dressy, but they’re perfect for dancing in.
Ah, the oxford shoe and the loafer. I’m too embarrassed to tell you how many pairs of similarly colored oxfords and loafers I have in my closets but these shoes feel so fancy! Heels make me feel powerful in a Bette Porter kinda way, and loafers and oxfords make me feel powerful in an old money Connecticut society kinda way. They’re both different, but good. Shoes make the outfit for me, so even if you don’t feel super great about what you’re wearing, a good pair of shoes can make you feel like a million bucks. Plus, you can keep them on all night, even at the point of the wedding when everyone else is doing the electric slide in their socks. If you spend any money on something new for a wedding, I’d suggest spending it on the shoes. You’ll probably get the most wear out of them anyway.
What do you like to wear to weddings? What kind of things make you feel powerful and beautiful and express your style perfectly, even (especially) when you’ve got to deal with the straights? Go forward and look fancy you beautiful perfect andro-femme queer! You deserve nothing less than to dress up and feel like your best self in your party clothes.