Top 10 Lesbian Chapsticks for Chapstick Lesbians


And now in Autostraddle’s Queer Beauty Bar we are going to talk about chapsticks, just like sweatpants.

We’re fairly sure that ‘lipstick lesbian’ is a thing because we have seen it on the Internet and on The L Word. But we are less sure about the term ‘chapstick lesbian,’ except that Jess R says it’s a thing her ex-girlfriend used to say. Anyways, we need it to be a thing, because we are all about chapstick for ever and ever, world without end, amen. Working on the assumption that it is, here are some chapsticks we have positive feelings about. And they have positive feelings about us. It’s all pretty gay.

1. Classic Cherry Chapstick

OR IS THAT THE BISEXUAL CHAPSTICK? Thanks Katy Perry!

2. Burt’s Bees Beeswax: The Best Chapstick That Rachel Can’t Afford

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Also, it has menthol or something in it, which is nice for kissing because it makes the other person’s lips slightly tingly. Just for the record.

3. Burt’s Bees Honey Lip Balm

This smells a little funny but tastes really sweet when you kiss someone.

4. Blistex Medicated Ointment

Not a chapstick at all, this lip product is for when it’s really cold and windy and you have no intention of making out with anyone within the next half hour and/or ever. Blistex Medicated Ointment is all business, despite the super sweet taste.

5. Blistex Daily Conditioning Treatment

Also not necessarily chapstick, as it comes in a pot. It’s nearly impossible to find Blistex DCT in a reliable way. If you ever see DCT at a drug store, you should buy two, because they won’t be back for another three months and even then they’ll be in an entirely different, nonsensical location, usually just out of reach behind a box of tampons for some reason.

6. Bonne Bell Watermelon Lip Smackers

For when you want everyone within a three-foot radius to think you’re enjoying the most delicious piece of watermelon bubblegum on this fine planet, but without the gum. No one can resist the allure of Watermelon Lip Smackers. No one.

7. Vegan Spearmint Lip Balm

God, vegans.

8. Carmex Lip Balm

The sweatpants of lip products.

9. Banana Boat Sport Performance Sunscreen Lip Balm

For when you’re playing softball and need some SPF.

10. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Balm

Usually you have to go to the mall at least once a year, and it’s a heinous experience, and you can’t believe you ever did this voluntarily or with any excitement. There are two things that make mandatory mall stops endurable: Auntie Anne’s pretzels and getting a tube of Bigelow’s mint lip balm from Bath & Body Works. As chapsticks go, this one is a little pricey, and also not chapstick, but well worth it because it’s the only balm that acts as a breath freshener. Other balms are minty, yes, but Bigelow’s is superior in every way.

Rachel is Autostraddle's Managing Editor and the editor who presides over news & politics coverage. Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1130 articles for us.

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