Laneia’s Team Pick:
HELLO TODAY IS JULIE GOLDMAN’S BIRTHDAY.
Little known fact: before interviewing Julie Goldman way back in 2009, when we were all just gnomes, CEO of Ideas Riese Bernard was forced to consume daytime vodka in order to quell her nervous heart and find the courage to speak actual words. Also, last year, in glorious, sunny Palm Springs California, while attending the legendary Dinah Shore Weekend, Julie Goldman, of Julie and Brandy In Your Box Office, opened my beer bottle, twice. Later that very same day, Julie Goldman went on to deliver what would instantly become Autostraddle’s Mission Statement, as captured by this home video (which is, by virtue of it being our mission statement, NSFW):
All of which is mostly unrelated to what I’m about to share with you, but when it’s time to talk about Julie Goldman, you may as well say all the things, you know? F*ckin’ talk about Julie Goldman. Really get in there.
Today’s reminder of Julie Goldman Awesome comes in the form of this piece on dot429, “Funny Lady — With an Edge,” wherein almost every great thing about Julie Goldman is laid out before you like a buffet. A Julie Goldman Awesome Buffet. A Buffet of Awesome.
On funding the movie she co-wrote with Brandy Howard, Nicest Thing:
Goldman believes Hollywood may still be afraid of any story line that’s too gay. “At the end of the day people think that gay stuff won’t make money. We keep saying that with romantic comedies or anything that is truly funny, women are going to go see it, whether they’re gay or not,” she says. “That’s 50% of the population, so I don’t know why we’re holding out for what straight men like.”
On Autostraddle.com, home to In Your Box Office:
Autostraddle is run entirely by volunteers and, while the founders are searching for funding, for now Goldman says “It’s just existing on love.” The site is modern and fresh. “The discourse is great and I love the debate. They’re the most open lesbian community online.”
Gaaah, Julie Goldman! We f*cking love you. Hey, do you have a Julie Goldman Awesome story? I would like to hear it. Then you should go wish Julie Goldman a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY on her book of face!
(The author would like to point out that she also f*cking loves Brandy Howard for several reasons, not the least of which being her brilliant emailing skills and beautiful arms.)
I once saw Julie Goldman rescue a child from a burning building.
I saw her lasso a tornado, saving a school full of orphans and also kittens.
I witnessed her filling an erupting volcano with the personal belongings of Ilene Chaiken in order to prevent the destruction of a lesbian colony (which just so happened to be inhabited by Santana.)
I once saw her request Superstar at a Tegan and Sara show, and Tegan played it.
I hate to break this awesome trend, but… COMMENT AWARD.
How about “I once saw her get a comment award on Autostraddle dot com”? or “The mere presence of her name and feats of bravery and skill won us a comment award on Autostraddle dot com”?
Some people say that, if it were a physical entity, the Autostraddle Comment Awards resemble Oscars, but with a small, golden statue of Julie Goldman.
Award* singular, would resemble* tense agreement.
So sorry. I don’t know what happened. Julie Goldman’s spectacular beauty and talent rendered me grammatically inept.
ditto. best use of a t&s reference ever.
isn’t her dad Chuck Norris?
my straight friend informed me she first guessed i was gay when i talked about being cradled in julie goldman’s arms
i love julie goldman and i want her to carry me like a kitten. i don’t think there’s anything too wrong about that
I want her to carry me like a baby koala.
this i think can/should happen
There are people who are going to tell you that you can’t grow up to be a baby koala and that underneath you’ll always be a shark. Don’t listen to them. You do you.
but tell me this isn’t adorable
baby shark does not approve of nay-sayers
Julie did a great set of stand-up and then hosted live band karaoke in Chicago (2009 or 2010?). As she introduced the song “Black Velvet” she said, “I want to see some slow dancing and some grinding to this one.” So, I ran up to her and asked if I could dance with her . . . the grinding came naturally. And then I bought her a drink, of course.
oh this is just awesome, really.
There was a Pride Stand-Up show on Showtime this past weekend and Julie was by far the best comic on it. I was crying from laughing so hard!
yess!! i saw the pride comedy jam too and it was fuckinunbelivable. julie definitely stole the show (but i didn’t say it with these lips)!
yes we saw that too and died of laughter 45 times!
you must be like a matryoshka of lives, lucky!
Seriously, you have not experienced stand-up until you have seen Julie Goldman live.
You laugh and laugh and just when you can’t possibly laugh anymore…she pulls out the guitar.
I was watching the last episode of RuPaul’s Drag U when they showed the promo for the July 11th episode. Now, someone correct me if I’m wrong, but it looked like Julie was one of the women that they make over in the next episode!
Can someone else confirm/deny this?? Cause I think I may just be in love with Julie so much that I see her on every face…of every woman…everywhere…
yeah, it says that in the article
I saw Julie Goldman wearing cargo shorts and flip flops, so I wore cargo shorts and flip flops. Also, because they are the most comfortable fucking things ever!
I love listening to Julie on the Gay Pimpin podcast. She is my Lez idol and I want to be her when I grow up
I had the pleasure of getting to know Julie Goldman years ago during the Big Gay Sketch Show filmings for that gay channel I used to work for and when I reached out to her in 2009 for an interview and photo shoot she was all for supporting us, even though Autostraddle was just a fetus of the lesbian revolution it is today. She asked if we would come to Brooklyn because she was, I believe, moving to LA the very next day. Riese’s response to this in May 2009 was “i will walk 500 miles and i would walk 500 more just to be the woman who interviews julie goldman when we knock upon her door budum bow bow ba-dah bow bow ba-dah bummmm”. So she happily agreed to sit down and talk with us and let me take some photos of her in bed eating potato chips, even though at the time she didn’t know if they would be horrible or not. :)
Julie is obviously one of the funniest people alive and she’s really genuine and sweet. I love her professional work and I love her as a person. Her support for this site and for us as individual artists and writers has been really wonderful.
god i’m clever
Julie Goldman once gave me a hug in a futon store. It was pretty awesome.
did you buy the futon?
with her legs in friendship?
True story: I was outside LAX having a cigarette and so was Julie Goldman. And then she was on my flight. I was too nervous to talk to her but I think she knew that I kept alternately staring/walking by her on purpose.
I share your awkwardness. Especially the airport-based variety.
I literally squealed when I saw Julie Goldman on Bones
Me too! I had no idea she was going to be on, so Surprise Bonus Julie Goldman just made the episode for me!
One time in Palm Springs I was at this cocktail party and I lost consciousness and Julie Goldman grabbed me before I hit the ground and cracked my skull open, so I ended up not cracking my skull open. I don’t remember any of this but that’s what they told me at the hospital so it must be true. What I mean to say is that Julie Goldman saved my life. (I think Brandy helped.)
when i first saw julie goldman in The Big Gay Sketch Show i didn’t think it was that funny. so it took me months to click on the little ad on the right for In Your Box Office, but once i did OMFG i saw the error of my ways and realized julie is fucking hilarious and also really pretty.
can we have another episode? please?
Autostraddle led me to the Big Gay Sketch Show which led me to In Your Box Office which led me to Brandy which leads me to wanting a new episode which leads me back now to Autostraddle. Now led and leads sound weird in my head because I’ve typed it so much.
I feel like, if we were a matriarchal society, Julie Goldman would be our matriarch.
And it’d be awesome.
I don’t do the Book of Faces, so I’ll just say it here: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JULIE!
She is a wicked funny lady and I’m so happy Autostraddle introduced me to her work. So awesome!
Julie and Brandy, the Oprah and Gayle of the queer community. Also, I feel like the fact that the word randy is in Brandy’s name is incredibly relevant to everything.
Julie Goldman’s piece in Autostraddle’s “Bra Issue” was AMAZING. It made me feel like I was not alone in my complicated feelings about my boobs. Also, everything else Julie does is hilarious and awesome. Thank you, Julie, and happy birthday!
I just liked when she said, “this is all scientifically backed up by my butt.”
For real, I laughed for like 20 minutes.
I have one more thing to add. Last night Carly and I watched the Black Swan In Your Box Office episode like at least 4 times. If you guys haven’t seen that one, its a gem.
One time I introduced myself to Julie, ’cause she was trying to (unintentionally) cut me in line at the Abbey and then several hours later she remembered my name. That’s when I knew she wasn’t just hilarious, but was also a classy lady.
Julie Goldman is my hero. I hope she does a Canadian Comedy Tour at some point. In the meantime I’ll just watch Big Dreams in Little Hope again and think about her absolute hotness.