Things to Look at When You’re ‘Not Sober’ or Even When You Are, Whichever

Discussion Between Two Autostraddle Editors:

girl 1: you have to hear ‘i am the lion’
girl 2: what am i searching for?
i did this on youtube.
girl 1: no, google
girl 2: ok
[listening to song]
wait this is ridiculous
girl 1: i know
girl 2: no wait i’m high this is freaking me out.
wtf is this???
girl 1: ok turn it off!
girl 2: no it’s getting funnier

Listen to Neil Diamond’s I am the Lion, which someone has been kind enough to set to cartoons for you.


Watch this video. It is so cute. Do you think it is cute?


Play a song (I tried You’re Coming Home by Erin Lang because that’s what was on Pandora when I found this photo) and stare at this cat.


Watch the first part (and then the other parts) of Alejandro Jodorowsky’s Holy Mountain. It’s also available via Netflix, if you have that kind of time.


Or would you rather stare at this cat? Are we all made of kittens? The answer is in your heart.

via stoned cats


This is what our CEO of Ideas looks at when she’s not sober:

[click to enlarge]

Here is something you can never unsee.


How would your life be different if you had flipper feet?

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Party In My Pants

Party in my Pants is a username employed by various Autostraddle team members at various times for various reasons.

Tess has written 10 articles for us.


    • this actually just improved my day by at least 25%, espesh because there was an advertisement with marching men that matched the beat on the side.

    • That disturbed me to no end.

      But I will say that this post inspired me to open a beer and watch otter frolicking, so I still consider it a success.

      • I had the original video when I was a little kid.
        I remember my parents burning it after I couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks.

  1. this post was very timely and much appreciated and made of many kinds of awesome. riese, is your “idea board” a computer application? i want one of my very own…

      • i open new windows and tabs until safari quits on me, swear a whole bunch, reopen safari–>repeat cycle until sleep. but i start at like 4pm. productivity fail.

  2. no no no. did not like the shaky cat and i tried listening to bad romance while watching it… and just ended up watching the bad romance video. This post led me to GAGA alls well.

  3. i just saw Black Swan and now this. my brain might be about to explode! that cat gif where the only thing in focus is the tongue, is freaking me out. Luckily the adorable otter is there to save the day.

    Also, I’m ashamed to know that the opening to that is not the opening to the actual sleepover video.

    • I only managed 3 mins.. I was afraid my epilpsey/ gag reflex mite kick in.. My head is sore … :/ gona lay down for a while .. Carry on without me.. Il b back In a wee while ..

  5. i fucking love autostraddle so much. unfortunately i just gave up “not being sober” but i still enjoyed watching these videos very much.

    uuuuhhhh but i have to say … holy mountain, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK.

  6. …lol

    try listening to ‘only girl in the world’ while watching ‘i’m real’ by j.lo and ja rule. SURPRISINGLY COORDINATED.

  7. In the collage of screen shots, I see that you have one of erowid. That’s basically the craziest website ever. I came upon it when I was working on a project about anesthesia and was completely amazed, haha!

      • You guys, Erowid is my team pick of life. I actually think I started reading Erowid before I used other parts of the internet, like email or google. It’s been around FOREVER. And actually I do think it’s very useful. I think I’ve essentially become a walking talking Erowid vault however.

        • OMG, Erowid WAS the internet, huh?

          I think I discovered this website around the same time that I discovered how to clear my browsing history.

          Riese, you have totally submitted stories to the “experiences” vault, haven’t you? I used to read those like people now read blogs.

          Thank you, Erowid, for giving me things I could do while I was on probation and being drug tested; and also, you know, for almost turning me into a junkie.

          • haha no i have never submitted a story, do they accept them from just anyone? i think writing down the drug combinations i’ve consumed would be a moment of reckoning i’m just not ready for yet

  8. Also, is liking Mary-Kate and Ashley something to be ashamed of? Because, like, “It Takes Two” is one of my favorite movies of all time.

    Between my sisters and I we have almost all of their movies and I can quote a lot of them and I find myself in many-a-situation where I do.

    “I’ll have a beer… heavy on the root.”

  9. creepiest thing about the slo-mo mary-kate & ashley video is the mom or whoever standing in the doorway.

  10. “How would your life be different if you had flipper feet?”
    I would wear socks more often.
    Or totally win at swimming.

  11. CAN THIS PLEASE BE A REGULAR FEATURE?? ‘Things to Look at When Not-Sober’ would quickly become one of my favorite features on AS.

  12. For months I have began to write a comment on an Autostraddle post, and then, after some thinking, deleted it because I am just not a commenter of posts. but now, for the first time in my life, I will submit this comment just to let you know that I absolutely love this post, SO MUCH.

  13. this post scared me at first
    but then i realized i was sober
    now that i’m not sober
    my feelings are different
    but also i feel that this post could be its own website
    and that’s just one of 5,210,84u.9010 feelings right now
    the rest are harder to interpret

  14. the mary kate and ashley one make me scream out loud and repeatedly yell “fuck” for a good two minutes.

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