The L Word Generation Q Episode 105 Recap: Labels

Hello and welcome to the fifth recap of the first season of The L Word: Generation Q, brought to you by the same network that brought you The L Word, a breathtaking television program about a wealthy but temporarily disinherited British heiress sent to jail for stealing money from the ex-girlfriend who’d gotten her embroiled in a lifestyle of high stakes poker and horse betting that drove her further into debt without any opportunity for profit. Also, she was hot.


We open on one singular nipple belonging to one singular Shane McCutcheon, and then we scroll up the length of her whole body along with Quiara’s mouth and silver-manicured nails as Shane slowly rouses from deep slumber into the open arms of her beloved yet estranged wife, Quiara!

Lesbian Sexy Moment #12: Nipple Confidence
The Players: Shane and Quiara
The Pick-Up: “You kept it” (re: Shane’s wedding ring)
Hot or Not? When Shane slips inside her and Quiara gasps and Shane goes “I missed you” by which she means “I missed being inside you,” hot! Shane and Quiara as people? Hot. But then Shane says “I signed those divorce papers” and Quiara’s like “oh sorry about that” and then she’s like “btw I’m pregnant” and then I think Shane dries up like a dolphin in the desert.

Ahhh no pretty sure that’s my butthole

We then cut to credits for a song that includes the line “I’m gonna be the Kit to your Kat,” which I find offensive to both Kit Porter and to our beloved Billie Blakie, former emcee of the Kit-Kat Klub in Berlin. Then we return to Shane’s boudoir where it is, by the way, dawn? These lesbians get up to FEED THE CHICKENS.

Lesbian Squabble #13: Breaking Dawn Part One
In The Ring: Shane vs. Quiara
Content: Shane immediately ejects herself from Quiara’s upcoming birth canal and broods on the side of the bed before getting up to put on a full white button-up shirt in her own home. She’s curious when Quiara was gonna tell her (now?) and also how she got pregnant (a donor, obvs!).

Quiara: “I’m not asking you to be a parent. It’s my dream. Not yours. All I’m asking is for you to be my partner.”
Shane: “Well then tell me what that looks like!”
Quiara: “Well we’ve never been traditional about anything, right? Because I see you. I know you. I know your heart. I don’t wanna go through this world without you.”
Shane: “Jesus, Q, not today.”

Quiara approaches Shane and says, “it’s me, remember,” and then tenderly holds her face and says, “you don’t scare me.” The last person who said that to Shane APPARENTLY DIED BY SUICIDE IN BETTE PORTER’S POOL, so. Shane grabs Quiara’s hair and says, “you scare me.”
Who Wins? Fear itself.


Cut to a perfectly traditional morning in a perfectly traditional household wherein Alice and Nat are waking up and having a low-volume conversation to establish that Nat is okay and that Alice is good oh but also…

Does anybody remember if I banged my head into Alice’s pubic bone last night

Then the kiddos knock on the door and everybody’s thrust into A FULL PANIC, lest a child weasel their way into this polyamorous bedroom and win the Guiness World Record for earliest aneurysm. Lock the door CAN GIGI LOCK THE DOOR How is the door not already locked! WE CANNOT LET THE KIDS SEE THIS yes of course GIGI HAS TO PICK THEM UP FOR THEIR PLAYDATE IN 5 MINUTES Oh god WEARING THAT yes it will be a very short walk of shame HERE WEAR THIS that really? that? DID ELI FINISH HIS BOOK REPORT?? Yeah “Smokey Came Home” except btw Smokey didn’t come home…

BEADBUGS!!!!

It’s very slapstick and funny and everybody’s comedic timing is aces.

Alice finds cake. Gigi’s gonna go back around the house and ring the doorbell if somebody could just crush up some asprin in her coffee ’cause she’s fucking dying? Then Nat says “We need to talk about last night” at the same moment that Alice says “I had the best time last night” and this conflicting review of the prior night’s activities — which I think we can all agree was decidedly The Best — takes them both very extremely a lot off-guard — Alice because Nat started it and sure seemed to be having fun, Nat because of reasons she cannot get into whilst that child is still screaming and Alice is still eating cake!

You know that sinfully luscious Sweet Woodruff Cake is infused with woodland enchantment to channel all the fertile energy of this cross quarter time into abundant growth and prosperity, right?


Cut to the Los Angeles School of Enriched Studies, where Angelica has managed to become involved in some aspect of the school play in her short time as an enrolled student and Bette would like to attend and Angie would rather she not because it’s embarrassing.

Mom, we can’t listen to  “To L and Back” until I’ve seen the episode!

Felicity calls — Angie maybe sees it, or sees enough to know it’s not work. Jordi says her parents were gonna come to the theatre, but aren’t coming, and it’s fine (it’s not fine!). A few seconds after getting out of the car Angie texts Mama B – “K fine u can come. But not for me. For her :-)” Bette smiles, knowing the best way to your teenage daughter’s heart is through her crush’s endless void of unfulfilled parental love. “Shut up Kiss Me” by Angel Olsen starts playing and will continue to as we…


Cut to Kit + Denny’s New Age Lesbian Bar (Yes I have re-named it to honor Kit, Dana and Jenny, who were all famous and are all dead), where Tess is surveying the mild level of damage from last night’s blowout. Tess calls her sponsor.

Hi, it’s New Year’s Day and I know that McDonald’s is open but for some reason Postmates says it’s closed, and this is an emergency I need hash browns and an Egg McMuffin?

Tess just came from a meeting and wants a drink — her sponsor suggests taking it “one day at a time” or helping someone ’cause there’s always someone who needs help. Good news: Finley’s passed out in the backroom!

fshhhhmmmmmssdkkkkggg aserhghhhh

Get in, says Tess. We’re going to have the best hangover food in town!


Over at Bette 2020 HQ, the girls are cold-calling voters to implore them to choose to be gay in 2020 by electing Bette Porter. (Have you picked up your Bette Porter 2020 Tee?) Alice announces to her dearest friends that last evening she engaged in a threesome.

“With Nat’s ex-wife?” They ask.

“Have you seen her?” Alice counters.

They acknowledge this strong point.

I mean, I think it’s the least we owe the queers of America after denying them the chance to see an Alice/Tasha/Jamie threesome

Shane: So you’re a thruple now?
Bette: Wait wait what are you saying?
Alice + Shane: Thruple.
Shane: It’s a couple plus one.
Alice: You know, throuple is such a dumb word. It’s like we never get any good words. Vulva, labia, throuple —

Shane immediately upstages Alice with the announcement that Quiara’s got a surprise bun in her oven! Shane’s unsure of her best option at this juncture, as she’s made it clear she’s uninterested in raising children and it feels weird to just be married to Quiara while she raises them sans support (“Oh! I think that’s what I do” – Alice).

No the saleswoman was very insistent that this is a valid shirt / under-shirt combination. I really remember her telling me that these two shirts and these three necklaces all go together and make an outfit?

Bette and Shane commiserate over the pain of aging, a process which requires humans to weigh the consequences of their actions rather than just, you know, leaving Carmen at the altar and going on a coke binge with your former secret affair society wife, leaving your keys in a bowl of lemons and then smashing a car into a highway overpass. Also, Shane dons a Southern accent to convince people to vote for Bette Porter. I hope she accidentally calls Paige.


Cut to DaSoMi’s chateau of on-and-off-love, where Sophie’s chilling with Maribel when Dani shows up with a package from Dad that apparently recently landed on their doorstep — it’s chocolates and a pre-nuptial agreement! Dani is horrified by this. Dad casually shooting over a pre-nup is Fucked Up, but the concept of a pre-nup is actually a really great one and they should have one! Sophie takes it on the chin, refuses the chocolates, and says she’ll just sign it. “All I wanna do is marry you and have like nine kids with you,” Sophie explains to her furious fiancee, “and if signing this stupid thing is gonna make your Dad happy, I’ll sign it. If that means I’ll get to have you.” I love this for them.

All I wanna do is eat an entire container of weed brownies and go see Cats with you at The Grove

I LOVE JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS

This scene is interrupted by the intrusion of another scene — Micah walking Jose out after they were doing LORD KNOWS WHAT upstairs, chatting about Jose wanting his art to get placed at a show. “You’re so cute,” Jose says. “I love you.” OOPS!!!!!!!

Did he just invite Micah over to watch The Irishman?

Jose dips out and the girls in the living room crack up. “It was an error!” Micah insists. But before anybody can get too jolly about love and its assorted slings and arrows, Maribel, who’s an immigration attorney, isn’t sure-sure but is pretty sure she’s found a pretty icky clause in this pre-nup: if Sophie births any of their nine children, they won’t be entitled to Dani’s family’s money, but if Dani pops ’em out of her very own vagina, they will be blessed with the family dollar. YIKES RODOLFO. YIKES.


Cut to the Best Hangover Food in The City Cafe, where Finley’s relaying her memory of last night: minimal, but she thinks she might owe Rebecca an apology for something? Tess relates, as the majority of her twenties are also a blackout blur, and that’s why she’s been sober for two years ’cause she wanted to remember stuff / feel again.

I mean off the top of my head, things I’ve put in my butthole? Ice cube, um, butt plug, pocket rocket vibrator…

Keep going…

Tess reveals that today’s a harder day than other’s ’cause her and Lena broke up. Finley starts to feel the hurt and devastation embodied in every stab of Tess’s fork and endearingly retreats — you see, I don’t wanna FEEL ALL THAT. Tess laughs: Neither do I! So Finley changes course and we get some backstory: Tess grew up in Vegas! Her Mom was a showgirl! Finley guesses that Tess’s Mom was probably hot.


Back at Natalice’s, the three gal pals are dealing with the aftermath of participating in the series’ hottest sex scene thus far. Nat, in what is clearly a personal attack on me, thinks they had a threesome and should “leave it at that.” Alice wonders if maybe they should consider … doing it again? THANK YOU ALICE. Although also: this is incredibly fucking complicated and if they want it to work they’ll all have to communicate A LOT! Good thing Nat is a therapist.

Huh, it looks like Toad from Wind in the Willows is swinging on the chandelier for some reason?

Gigi notes that their dear friends Matt and Amir sometimes add a side of Nick when they play hide the salami. Nat has had enough because Gigi is her ex-wife and she loves Alice and doesn’t want anything to get in the way of what Nat and Alice have. Which brings us to…

Lesbian Squabble #14: Three’s Company
In The Ring: Nat vs. Gigi with a side of Alice
Content: Nat’s concerned that Gigi’s just angling to get in the way of her VERY GREAT and totally thriving relationship with Alice. But, after those two years it took Gigi and Nat to re-establish a relationship, Gigi would never risk losing Nat again. “You didn’t lose me,” Nat firmly corrects her. “You cheated on me. BIG DIFFERENCE.” And Gigi is so sorry so so so so sorry! “This was a mistake,” says Nat.

Nat: This is so messy.
Gigi: It doesn’t have to be.
Nat: You really hurt me.
Gigi: I know.
Nat: And I loved you so much.
Gigi: I loved you too.
Nat: And I never thought that I was gonna get over you and then I found someone. And I found someone really great! And somehow, you’re still here. So how is it that you get to fuck everything up and still have everything? Always?

Ooof. I know that feeling. That even if it feels okay and she wants it, Gigi hurt her so profoundly that it’ll be nearly impossible for her to reconcile Gigi getting anything back that she so recklessly betrayed in the past. Gigi says she’ll do anything Nat wants. She’ll leave. Should she leave? She starts to leave. “No,” Nat stops her. Alice says she’s good if Nat’s good. They all hold hands. It’s time for that glass of wine.
Who Wins? Me!


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Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2781 articles for us.

79 Comments

  1. I love everything about Nat, Gigi, and Alice.

    Someone commented previously that Dani and Sophie have a different fight every episode and nothing ever gets resolved or brought up again and it’s so true. I’m also very pro pre-nup (you’re signing one no matter what – it’s called the divorce laws of your state – so why not make your own!) and I love that Maribel is an immigration attorney!

    Not loving my American Girl doll this week. Her phone background was her husband like a week ago! What happened?

    • i know when she was like “we are not doing a pre-nup, do you understand?” i was like GIRL DO A PRE NUP!!!

      okay so this is my generous theory about our American Girl doll which involves a lot of projection from my own past — her husband is a terrifying jackass and she kept that as her phone background because she was afraid of what he’d do/say if he saw that she’d changed it? She wanted to wait til she was out of the house to change it? I have a feeling that we’re never going to see her again though… :-/

      • Ohhh fair! It makes sense that she didn’t make the decision to leave him until after he found out about the affair and then had to tread carefully. IMDB says she’s in five episodes so I think this is it?

      • I’m getting the vibes that she is going to come back in a bad way. She had Bette’s phone for a few hours at least right? I think she’s going to go the “woman scorned” route and either try to blackmail Bette or ruin the campaign. Possibly with something taken off Bette’s phone. Not basing this on anything she has shown personality-wise, but more because of it being a show. I really hope not though!

  2. I have so many thoughts about this episode!

    Dani and Sophie, my babies. When they were arguing in the car I definitely saw myself in Sophie- just wanting to get it all out there and process it. Meanwhile my gf is Dani, with a strong need to process everything alone. The difference, though, is that we actually *talk* things out eventually because communication. I really want them to resolve things! Are any of the writers advocating for what would actually happen in a LTR?

    I have so many nopes about Dani’s dad. I think a pre-nup is fine but he shouldn’t be the one sending it obviously. He had to know his “daughter he raised” was going to tell him to fuck off once they got it too. Dani’s so no nonsense (and honestly it’s really hot) and you had a hand in shaping her personality so why the surprise at her reaction? It’s even more fucked up to exclude your grandchildren from inheriting money when your daughter is going to be raising them too? Nope, nope, nope. (Honestly why was Sophie going to sign that thing without reading it anyway?)

    I want Bette and Felicity to be together so bad. They seem good for each other. Her ex-husband was way out of line at the end there. Seems like they were trying to show that he might have abusive tendencies? Felicity deserves better. I’m seeing less people ship Bette and Dani after that mother figure like scene because of course that’s what their relationship is. They have no sexual chemistry. If the writers do go in that direction it will be forced as hell. I would like to say I would stop watching, but that’s a lie.

    I don’t understand why they can’t be together now that Felicity’s divorced? Every one already knows about the affair! How would change the election results if they were actually in a legitimate relationship during the campaign?

    • I agree I think they were showing that her ex husband has abusive issues. Which is kinda what I suspected all along tbh.

      I will say that I doubt they are officially divorced yet so it’s still tricky — I dated someone once who’d left his marriage but it hadn’t been legally dissolved yet, and we had to keep it on the DL or else it could be bad for divorce proceedings?

    • Have any of the writers been in an LTR?? It’s always been very obvious for me very quickly when a girlfriend and I communicate differently. I can’t imagine being at the marriage stage (or making it longer than like six months) without having some strategy for how to deal with that. Especially when you’ve moved in together! Things come up!

  3. Riese…I laughed for a solid 30 seconds at that pic of Quiara followed by “Ahhh no pretty sure that’s my butthole”. Thank you for that!

    Quiara is still very pretty and I still think she probably smells like the freshly laundered sheets of angels but this episode made me weak for Gigi. She is so effin’ sexy to me, especially during that kitchen scene. A friend (who I facetime the show with) pointed out that it was her eyes and Gee-sus, yes, it is her eyes! Muy muy caliente or however you say it in Farsi.

    Bette is col’ (the abbreviation represents the coldest of colds…Yeti vagina cold) when it comes to dumping women but she is the absolute best mom and I love her relationship with Angie. Alice and Shane are the best aunties too.

    Dani and Sophie…oh Dani and Sophie…they do process things so differently but I think for Sophie it’s more than a process, it’s also a very dangerous coping mechanism. That vessel she’s stuffing that pain into is gonna blow any moment. Let’s hope Candace doesn’t have any younger sisters or 20 something nieces who also happen to be carpenters.

  4. It looks like they already are putting a end to the thouple thing judging from the looks of the scene in next week show were gigi is leaving the house and they were really nice seeing the 3 of them together.

  5. I feel so happy (and a bit called out) that Rebecca realized what was up with Finley and ended things rather than wasting more of her time and emotional labor hoping Finley would change / trying to help her change. Is it just me or is it rare to see TV characters make responsible, years-of-therapy-informed decisions like this? Maybe I’ve just been tormented by The Fosters, Good Trouble, Freeform shows as a whole, and my own experiences? Maybe making good decisions in romance is less rare than I think? It’s refreshing to see either way.

    • Also saw that and after all this talk of Dani and Bette – which should never happen, fight me – I began thinking about who out of Dani and Sophie could handle being cheated on better. I don’t think Dani could handle being cheated on by Sophie at all, because I think beneath this tough exterior lies a very vunerable, soft core.

      • i agree i don’t think dani could handle it. i feel like sophie is more comfortable with grey areas and nuance than dani is.

        i can totally see the sophie/finley thing happening…. i mean at first i was like, well if they were gonna hook up, they’ve been friends for a while so wouldn’t it have already happened by now? but then i looked back at my own life and the lives of my friends and realized… nah. totally still possible. that friendly sexual tension can simmer for years!

  6. Finely’s journey continues to steal my heart away. Jacqueline Toboni does a fantastic job relaying a multitude of emotions across her face in an instant just before the character hides/shoves them away with her Finely-ness.

    With the phone call with her Dad, I got the feeling her Dad had to quickly hang up the phone because her Mom was coming. Like as in, Oh hey Honey, oh bye honey, Can’t get busted talking to the likes of you, so I’m just going hang up quickly and pretend it was the wrong number. Otherwise, why would he need to hang up with Mom coming over to him? Which if so, harsh.

    At the beginning of the episode, I was like Oh Cool, a Tess and Finely team up. That’ll be fun and Tess can help Finely work out some stuff, like maybe her possible drinking issues. Then as the episode continued I was like, Oh Wait. NO. Nope, this isn’t going to end well for Tess. But that dance session behind the bar was cute tho.

    I feel like Gigi and Alice are much better at co-parenting and showing relationship like qualities than Alice and Nat. Alice seems to learn very basic facts about her 2-year girlfriend in every episode, while Alice has already bonded with Gigi over sick kids, book reports, and apparently knows Gigi’s favorite Thai food plates over what her girlfriend likes.

    When Quiara told Shane she didn’t need her, she just wanted her. I was like Ouch… but apparently that wasn’t a dis and meant to smooth over Shane’s concerns?

    That last scene. Ugh.

  7. sophie: please dani talk to me
    dani: *no thoughts, head empty*
    bette porter:
    dani: ok omg so my fucking dad ………

    -honestly the only highlight of this episode was dani angrily strutting away from her dad grunting “lets go” or “come on” while sophie was behind her trying to catch up with her

    – i feel for sophie now bc clearly she’s not just snapping for no reason(thats what i thought at first) & that its the accumulation of dani being constantly emotionally unavailable & non-communicative that’s driving her crazy & causes her to snap
    But still, imagine if your fiancée who has a huge fear of daddy abandonment stands up to her dad in a dramatic way & then is visibly distressed & is silently processing wtf that means for her relationship with her dad aka her last living relative (i think???) AND it takes 10 minutes for you to want to pull out a knife & try to get that juicy sad info out of her THE HARD WAY.

    Anyways both of them are messy, this relationship is messy…can’t wait for them to get it together soon or speed up dani’s affair with bette…we are tired

    -im so happy you’re referring to the bar as Kit + Dennys, the disrespect to kit jumped out when they named it Dana’s ( & to jenny i guess….)

    – QUIARA!!! + im interested to see where this conversation, about if 2 people who love each other can continue to be together if one doesn’t want to have kids & the other does, can go (god just typing this sentence made me lose 6 out of my 10 remaining braincells)

    – im so confused about felicity??? is she still with her husband??? thats the impression i got from last week since she had his ugly bland face on her lockscreen??? idk i dont understand what the hell is going on
    also does this man have a job???

    • Laughed a lot at “dani: ok omg so my fucking dad ………” So true!

      I think Sophie is more likely to have the affair! She’s feeling neglected in the relationship and keeps trying and failing to connect to Dani. I realllly hope it doesn’t happen, but… yeah.

      I don’t see Dani and Bette together at all. They’re too alike and I just want Bette to be mommy (not mommi) to Dani. Also want Bette to adopt Jordi, but that might make it weird for poor Angie.

  8. Sorry, but I’m having a real hard time understanding why Dani owes it to Sophie or anyone to process her emotions further WHILE DRIVING. Do people recognize how hard driving is with stress and anxiety as is? Do we know her nerves aren’t shot? Or maybe she has a pounding migraine from the intense feels surging through her head. I don’t think it is fair for Sophie to demand a processing sesh while behind the wheel on something that literally just happened. Let her drive. Talk when you get home. That whole scene was so wack to me and didn’t feel..idk..genuine even?

    • 100%. I was stressing out the whole time with that scene because I was convinced they were going to get in a car accident. Like, damn, Sophie, maybe wait until you get home to gently prod if your fiancée is clearly uncomfortable processing very difficult feelings while driving???

    • Devil’s advocate? For a few episodes now, Dani has been shutting Sophie out by sequestering herself and refusing to talk about what she’s thinking or feeling. Dani’s explosion at her dad was the first emotional anger/pain that Sophie had seen from Dani in a while and maybe she wanted to piggyback off that hoping to keep that momentum of Dani expressing herself but when it stalled, she got frustrated and pushed. Not saying Sophie was right but I think emotions were running high for both of them.

    • Yeah as someone who can take days to process emotions and needs to feel 100% safe sharing them when ready to do so – this scene have me SO MUCH anxiety. Like, I get that Dani has been withholding, but honestly Sophie’s browbeating technique would close a lot of people off. And can get that girl be a little bit more compensatory to her fiancee and try to understand that it’s sometimes not feasible to cut off your only living parent?

  9. as someone who has worked on many political campaigns, the idea that they are doing cold calls by manually typing numbers with no script and no data collection is INSANE and would never happen. bette seriously needs a better gotv strategy

  10. I seem to have a radically opposing opinion on the stories in the show, which surprises me.

    1) I find Finley unbearably obnoxious. I can appreciate the complexity of the estranged family/religious upbringing, but I find it difficult to care about someone who refers to sex as “fudging”, and is the most annoying housemate (assumes too much, doesn’t respect Shane’s privacy, can’tread social cues). I’d rather have Rebecca as a regular character than Finley, because it’d be nice to have a grounded self-aware character with faith instead of an immature stumbling mess of a person in constant “party-mode” dealing poorly with unresolved trauma. Everyone else in this show is making terrible decision! Let’s have a queer woman who has her shit together, please!

    2) I’m foaming at the mouth with exasperation that nobody is talking about the fact that Felicity is still married!! That’s why this is a scandal!!! Because Bette who is a politician now is having an affair with a married woman!!!!!! And if Felicity isn’t married then why the hell does she have her husband on her lockscreen photo? They need to make it clear for the audience the state of Felicity’s marriage instead of avoiding it except when he shows up angry and abusive.

    3) The throuple idea is the fucking worst and I couldn’t even enjoy the well-choreographed sex scene because I was cringing so hard with all of their decisions. Don’t enter a poly relationship with all 3 people having different ideas of what that entails! Don’t enter a poly relationship with your ex wife when you still carry a lot of raw and intense anger over her betrayal! If you can’t trust your partner, don’t enter a poly relationship with them!!

    And Alice seems to be the wrong match for Nat. She’s been with her for 2 years but openly brags about the fact that she has no relationship with the kids she lives with and recoils at the idea of being included in their family publicly?? Her behaviour would make sense in the beginning of the relationship, not 2 years in and living with kids! (That would actually be interesting to see Alice adjust to the new reality of dating someone with kids but honey, this ain’t it) I anticipate Alice and Gigi are going to run off together and I can’t wait to see sweet Steph Allyne burn LA to the ground in vengeance.

    4) Sophie and Dani have terrible communication. Sophie comes across as too intense and demanding because we the audience don’t know their history. This is where exposition is really important!! (This applies to Alice and Nat, too) Just because the audience is learning these things for the first time DOES NOT mean that this should be news for the characters as well. Horrible horrible writing on this front.

    Also, Sophie demanding that Dani process her feelings while driving when Dani made it clear that she wasn’t ready to made me super anxious because I thought for sure a car accident was going to happen, plus bulldozing over Dani’s clear boundaries was super uncool. If they’ve had problems communicating and with Dani bottling up, Sophie needs better coping mechanisms too. Couples counseling! Better established rules on when and how to process in a way that both are respected! And for the love of God, writers, give the audience resolution to all these new and unfinished arguments!!

    • Also, the idea that Alice can be out publicly as part of a poly relationship is laughably naive. If her talk show is at risk for cancellation by discussing feminism, there is absolutely no way that America would accept a poly lesbian talk show. I wish their conversation was taken more seriously instead of ending on a glib “ehh we’ll figure it out, let’s just hang out!” There are kids involved, do you know how unstable that is for them to constantly question the state of their parents’ relationship?? Uggghhhhh I hate that storyline so much.

      • Also!! Why is Micah on the show? He’s boring and doesn’t have any depth. And he’s a man who has relationships with men! This is The Lesbian Word Show, so why do we have a man sleeping with men but no bisexual women or trans women who date women??? If Micah were dating women then I can see why they’d explore that tricky question of where men who formerly identified with the lesbian community fit in while still dating members of that Sapphic community, but he’s not so???? And if Tess isn’t trans, then where does that leave ACTUAL Sapphics who are trans being properly represented on this show??

        The show can’t be making up for Max’s terrible storyline at the expense of continuing to exclude trans women, especially when they have the confusing audacity to have a trans actress use the phrase Girla Like Us between two cis characters.

    • I’m totally agreeing about 2) and 3).

      2) About Felicity’s Marriage: as I understand it (I never have been married) they’re apparently not as fast to get out of? I get it that the show has kept her status pretty ambiguous so far but I think that only makes it worse. They should at least made it clear that Felicity has separated from her husband. And about the lockscreen: Someone else wrote in a comment here that this might was because her husband showed abusive tendencies? I agree that this would be plausible.

      3) Couldn’t agree more on that. The whole non-communication was a total turn-off. I can’t really add much about this, you put it absolutely perfect, except that I can totally understand Nat having trust issues about Gigi and I can’t believe the others blew her off like this.

      About Finley: I agree she’s a mess and I agree that I rather would have Rebecca “I have my shit figured out” more on the show but somehow Finley grew on me? I also have not all of my issues with my parents and with my faith worked out and can kinda relate to her, even tho she is very self destructive and probably an alcoholic. But yeah, she’s so much a mess right now.

      About Dani and Sophie: I was also very worried and anxious about the discussion WHILE FUCKING DRIVING ON THE HIGHWAY. And I understand Sophie’s frustrated about Dani’s processing but since this doesn’t seems to be the first time, she (or both, really) should’ve known better and be more understanding of each other! Dani should’ve realized by now that she needs time, so she should remind Sophie of this (but also, maybe give her a time-frame, like “I need some time, but can we talk about this at diner/tonight/in bed/some other fixed time?”), but also Dani should’ve not put Sophie down like this. And Sophie should not have pressured Dani so much about this.

      I love Dani and Sophie, but man they should’ve known by now how to communicate with each other?

      And that also frustrates me about Alice and Nat, by the way, especially since Nat is supposed to be a therapist and they’re supposed to be together since what, 2 years? I don’t like them as couple as much as Dani and Sophie but they. just. really. frustrate. me.

      But enough moaning and complaining, all in all I am very pleased with the show, like in general it’s so much better than I’ve ever hoped and dared. There are issues but no show’s perfect and the reboot is (despite the issues) pretty close. I love all the diversity so far. I love how good a parent Bette is, I love the dynamic Angie has with all the grown-ups in the show. I love the friendship between Alice-Shane-Bette and Sophie-Finley. I love how Shane has grown as a character. I especially loved how she owned up to Tess.

    • yeah i agree about dani and sophie! i know that specific conflict was one that marja talked about putting in the show ’cause it was an issue in her own life. but i’ve been in relationships like that also and i feel like two years in, the whole thing would’ve been shut down by dani being like “hey, this is one of those things where i just need a minute to process, okay?” and sophie at that point would be like, “okay!” it would’ve been different if the vibe was more jokey, but it was DEAD SERIOUS, so i’m truly not sure how i’ve gotten this far.

      and yeah as per starry-eyed, i was the one who mentioned her husband being abusive, which seems to me very possible based on how he went after angelica like that — not hesitating to hurt a child, even while drunk, is a bad sign, as is literally everything he’s done so far around this issue, including bringing this concern to a public event. what bette did is wrong, but two wrongs don’t make a right! i feel like felicity probably had to be very careful around how she handled taking steps away from him. but also, i’m not confident that the writers intended that interpretation, i guess we’ll see?

    • I love your comment, because everything I read is praise and I have to say that I feel deeply disappointed with this issue, I think that many people are just waiting to see how the appearance is resolved even if it is only short of Tina, because it is like a bad copy of the original (sorry if the translation is not very good)

  11. My real frustration here was this: can Dani not say “I need some time to sit with my feelings around this. Thank you for being there. I hope I can open up about this later, but as you know, it’s a LOT” when Sophie asks her to process IMMEDIATELY?

    Like. There is a lot in relationships that are hard! But none of the things that are hard for these two need to be????

  12. This episode was so good! I really like the idea of Nat/Alice/Gigi thruple. Finely is a mess and is definitely an alcoholic. She reminds me of a college student who is an alcholic but most of it is masked under a partying/letting loose vibe.

    Also I didn’t know that Jamie wanted her character to be cis- awesome. I’m still hoping tho for a trans woman character in the future of the series.

    Also I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like Micah’s character is falling behind everyone else. Like we haven’t really gotten to know him and he feels like an after thought sometimes? I know they have a large ensemble cast and it’s difficult to juggle that many characters, but I want to see more of him.

  13. i was going to say these recaps are community service, but that could be interpreted elsewise, which may be the case for Riese, but i’m not sure she’s said so.

    thank you for the public service to this particular community.

  14. Am I the only one who barfed a little at Rebecca’s speech?? I thought it was deeply condescending and gross. Like if you don’t want to be with someone that’s okay, you’re clearly at different places in your lives, but don’t psychoanalyze them on the way out the door when you’ve known them about 10 minutes.

  15. Rebecca does *not* seem to have the ability to approach spiritual trauma in a way I would expect from a minister of some kind. As someone who regularly has conversations with my partner about our vastly different experiences with spiritual communities (her very positive, mine decidedly not) I would want so much more empathy from a partner. I think they are definitely in very different life stages which they eventually got to, but Rebecca telling Finley in an earlier episode that she needs to find her faith without knowing the context of her issues with it? Not cute.

    As far as Alice’s triad, yikes at how little she seems to be attuned to Nat’s emotions? We got SO MANY close ups of Nat looking uncomfortable and Alice just seemed to steamroll over it? I get it, Gigi would make my brain a little fuzzy too but come on???

  16. Does that mean Rebecca is out of the series? She was introduced in relation to Finley, who is obviously someone the series will keep following, while there are no other connections for Rebecca after breaking up. It’s a bit of a shame, because watching emotional maturity on TV would actually be refreshing. As a matter of fact, having the most emotionally mature person be a Christian (?) priest is quite a spicy element. It would certainly challenge not just Finley, but viewers. Religious upbringing can leave many different scars and to be confronted by a genuinely ok person who is also a believer/priest… Wow.

    Someone else mentioned in the comments that Rebecca was being condescending. I agree the initial faith comments from previous episodes were presumptuous, but I wrote it off as the general heavy-handedness of the whole series. In this episode’s conversation, I understand Rebecca’s motivation fully. You don’t need to spend a lot of time with Finley to understand her happy-go-lucky attitude is a wall to protect herself, as well as prevent herself from confronting some things. One doesn’t defend so intensely otherwise. Rebecca wants a partner, not someone she would have to take care of. The rest of her life from what we saw seems quite level and serious and she seems like a no-nonsense person, while Finley has no understanding of how a formerly sober person drinking is something that definitely shouldn’t be encouraged or ignored, which is common sense stuff.

    As for Rebecca’s role as a spiritual authority, it’s important to note that Rebecca’s relationship to Finley wasn’t priest-believer, but personal, so during the break up, she was speaking from that place, where she has the absolute right to say “I don’t want this, because I need to take care of myself”. I just wish this series didn’t have so many characters so we can actually get into all of that, instead of just having it superficially presented.

    Which is the problem with Nat-Gigi-Alice, as well. Nat and Alice weren’t convincingly established as a couple before problems and Gigi were introduced. The threesome was amazing as a filmed and acted scene, the follow-up in this episode is understandable, I get what they’re trying to do (I think), but even when they gave Nat the most space they did so far, letting her express some fears and frustrations, it still isn’t enough and it seems as shallow that they’re just talking about it now, in this way. The “they’re drunk” device used to explain the threesome also feels heavy-handed, because we didn’t see drunk Nat, we saw Nat removed from her crumbs of personality so that a threesome could happen. And sure, all of the blanks could be filled in by the audience, just as I could conjure up an interesting backstory for Micah and explain why is Jose so random, but that’s not a sign of good storytelling. I did the “90% of the story I love is actually not in the show” thing and I don’t care for it.

    I’ll continue watching because there’s no rule you should only watch good shows + I would be so happy if they actually let the polyamory happen. You, Me, Her is a horrible show and I really, really want to watch ok poly stories, if amazing isn’t available right now.

  17. I don’t know too much about religious titles, but isn’t Rebecca actually NOT a priest?? I thought she was a minister or something. I picture priests wearing that collared outfit and taking a vow of celibacy etc. The times Finley called her one I thought it was hyperbole, but now that Rebecca got upset at being called “not a Real Priest™” I’m so confused.

  18. Having Jamie Clayton play a cis woman is something I’m still really struggling to parse how I feel about. As a sober gay trans woman, it selfishly feels almost… Unfair (?) to me that Tess isn’t trans. So close to seeing someone like me on screen, but like it’s not actually allowed?

    I dunno, I’m so conflicted. From what I’ve read it was Jamie who suggested it, and I love the idea of having trans and non-binary folks playing cis roles, but in practice it’s just left the show feeling like it’s somehow not for me. Like trans men are allowed in queer women’s spaces and TV shows, but trans women aren’t. I’m probably overthinking it, but Tess’ whole storyline is just bumming me out because of that.

  19. “Oh! I think that’s what I do” – Alice Pieszecki, the most put together of the OGs.

    It’s funny, before the premiere I had really low expectations. Now, 5 episodes in, I expect way better writing? I just really wish the writers put character ahead of story/drama. I definitely still enjoy the mess that is unfolding, and the season overall.

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