Previously on The Fosters, pestilence, plague, and teen pregnancy.
Callie’s classmates are taking in her senior project. The cell is plastered with images and snippets of reports written about Callie. A recording of a guard ordering someone around plays while the students walk through the cell. A student starts to ask a question but the teacher (one of the two women who went topless in the Adams Foster dream kitchen and got fondled by the moms) tells him to save it for the discussion. Talya (remember her? She was evil in season one) emerges and has a hard time looking Callie in the face.
Brandon and Emma are at Planned Parenthood where she is working through her feelings about ending her pregnancy and Brandon is doing his best to support her. He thinks he would feel sad and scared if it were his but he knows he’s not ready to be a father. Emma hasn’t told Jesús but she can’t exactly wait until he’s all better (if he ever will be). Emma heads back to the office leaving Brandon with his feelings in the waiting room.
I just want to note that this show has given us two abortion storylines where other shows would have headfaked and copped out with a conveniently timed miscarriage or change of heart. The fact that we saw two very different women make two very different choices about ending their pregnancies on one show should be noted and applauded. When Lena ended her pregnancy with Frankie, it was a terrible choice to make for her and the show gave us every ounce of that anguish (the fact that Sherri Saum was filming all that while pregnant with twins is mind-boggling).
Here we get Emma making a hard decision but without a lot of shitty moralizing. She’s not ready to be a mother. Yes she is torn about it. Maybe it’s because her parents would very much not be okay with her choice. Maybe it’s partly due to not being able to talk to Jesús about it because he’s in the midst of trying to get his brain to rewire itself. But it’s not framed as her being worried about being a “baby killer” or any of the utter fucking wankshite spewed by the anti-choice side of the world. She’s torn because it’s not an easy choice. Really, at sixteen what are the easy choices? Anyway, I don’t always love the issue-heavy nature of the show but it merits acknowledging what they have done with the issues of women being in control of their own decision-making over four seasons.
Jude is in his sex ed class and finding that it’s really heterocentric. You think that’s bad? Try watching television; it’s a veritable smorgasbord of heteros and white dudes who resemble starchy foods.
Callie’s classmates have a bunch of questions for her; how long was she in solitary? Was she abused in her foster homes? You know, regular stuff. Talya speaks up and thanks Callie for opening her eyes to the fact that not everyone who goes to jail has done something wrong. Slow clap for Talya’s belated awareness. Welcome to the present; we’re running a real resistance. They clap for Callie’s amazing art project. Callie Adams Foster graduates!
Mariana asks AJ if he’s excited for his new roomies. Whoopsie! Maybe Mike should have mentioned Ana and Isabella moving in. Every season on this show the theme is basically “everyone stop having secrets!” Every season the dum dums keep more secrets.
Taylor is chatting with Jude about his sex life. He and Noah are ony not having sex because he’s grounded. But now that he’s not high off his ass all the time he’s nervous about having sex. So helpful Taylor is like “Hey, Justin Taylor, why don’t you hook up with some randoms as practice.”
At dinner, there are thirty-five conversations going on at once. Callie wants an update on her case, Jude wants to know why there’s no gay sex ed, Jesús wants to know if Brandon has seen Emma and if she’s feeling okay (she didn’t come see him). I would like to know if the moms are ever going to share more than lingering hugs and cheek kisses this season? Brandon offers Jesús his room since it will fit the hospital bed. Wait, Brandon being a good kid two weeks in a row? Inconceivable! Monte calls to ask Lena to remove Callie’s senior project from campus.
At dinner across town, AJ asks when Mike was planning to tell him Ana and Isabella were moving in. It’s awkward for a second but AJ says he is happy to have them. AJ sees Brandon’s room offer and raises with an offer to sleep on the couch to give the baby his room. This good son round goes to AJ. Ana laughs him off because they plan to take the apartment next door because it’s three bedrooms. Hmmm, I guess Mike didn’t mention that Ana can’t move in as long as he’s fostering AJ.
Based on Mariana’s worries that if Callie can buy herself out of jail maybe Nick can too, Stef is ready to teach Mariana some self-defense moves in the backyard. Mariana is appropriately dressed in heels. What? You can’t call timeout to change when you get attacked. Stef rolls her eyes but admits Cher Horowitz has a point. Stef starts running through ways to stay safe but Mariana is more interested in tweeting and responding to texts than to the lesson. Stef heads inside.
The Judicorn has googled “gay sex 1st time” and is reading all about how awkward it is when he finds an ad for Pump (the Fosters version of Grindr) and downloads it. Jude uses a shirtless pic of his torso for Pump and gets a message right away. He lies and says he’s 18. Oh dude, this is all such a bad idea. Watch Queer as Folk or something.
Callie is strumming a tune on her guitar. Reindeer are better than people… Lena walks in to tell Callie that Monte loved her project so much that she wants it off school property ASAP. You see the school hasn’t had a great enrollment ever since Nick brought a gun to campus and it would be great if the prospective parents didn’t see Callie’s odes to SHU at the open house. Callie says she gets it and frankly didn’t want it up for every parent to ogle anyway.
MIke gives Ana a song and dance about what if she just moved in next door instead of in with him. It would be great and they would have another bathroom and… Ana calls bullshit. He tells her the real reason, which makes her cry. Way to go, Mike. I think your DNA might be the whole problem with Brandon.
Lena pops by the school to talk with Jesús’ teachers and spy on the guy holding her job while she’s on leave. She also brings up the fact that sex ed doesn’t cover gay sex or issues related to LGBT sexuality. Monte is less than interested in changing the curriculum and reminds Lena that her concerns as a parent are fine but she’s on leave so back off. Also the new guy is a tool. P.S. Monte you weren’t so disinterested in Lena teaching you about lesbian sex a season ago so… maybe stop being an ass.
Brandon visits music therapy and can’t even be trusted to pick up the instruments without upsetting one of the kids with autism in the class. Way to go, Brandon. He runs away because his three parents have left him entirely unequipped to handle consequences.
Callie and AJ pack up her project and chat about how Ana is moving in and how Mike wants to adopt him. AJ would like Mike to adopt him but he doesn’t want to upset his brother. Callie says that if Ty cares about AJ he’ll be fine with it. Talya walks over and calls Monte’s decision to have Callie take the project down bullshit. Remember when Talya just skulked around and was a bitch to Callie?
Jesús is using his new room to try to put the moves on Emma. He even says he’ll wear his helmet during sex just to be sure it’s safe. She opts to make him a sandwich instead.
Jude is working on some homework when he decides to check his messages on Pump. He has one and when the guys asks if he’d like to meet up, Jude asks where. Babylon. Seriously. Go watch the show. I bet your boss could lend you his copy.
AJ is trying to talk about Mike but Ty is all excited that he could be getting out in a few months. He has been taking classes to be a firefighter and he is ready to get a place for him and for AJ so they can live together, just like they planned.
Emma is making a white bread and mayo sandwich when Brandon walks in. Coincidence? He asks how she’s feeling and she tells him that Jesús wants to get busy and she is definitely not up for that. Brandon stammers out some awkward words and then tells Emma he is there if she needs to talk. I like this Brandon better than old Brandon. This kid can stay. Jesús texts her and looks all sad when she says she was talking to Brandon. Ugh. This part of the storyline I am not thrilled about.
Stef jumps out from the bushes and scares the ever-living crap out of Mariana. Lena can’t believe this is the shit she comes home to. Five kids and Stef is the one causing a ruckus. Go day-drink somewhere Lena. Call me, I’ll be happy to join you. Stef is all “but she gave me attitude and isn’t taking self-defense seriously.” Lena gives her a look and tells Stef that not everyone grew up playing with G.I. Joe and teaching their PTSD afflicted daughter to fight by scaring her is maaaaybe not the best idea. Stef pouts but stomps off to apologize to Mariana.
Jude walks up to a sketchy looking apartment building, knocks, and goes inside where some dude is in a towel. Run, Judicorn! Run!
Stef sits down next to Mariana and tries to explain the do’s and don’ts of self-defense using Snow White as a tool. It’s awful. Come on, Stef. You know you watched that movie 50 times if your kid loved it. She tells Mariana that she did a good job when Nick was there because she got him to give up on hurting her and himself. Mariana screams and scares the wits out of Stef and then they laugh and have a nice moment over giving each other heart attacks.
Alert! Alert! We have Lena in a tank top! Sleeveless Lena moving Callie’s project. Pardon me while I take a moment to appreciate Lena (respectfully. As a feminist). Monte comes over and wants to know if Callie is behind the senior boycott of the open house. Nope. And Callie won’t give up who is. Monte is a bitch to Lena and to Callie and then storms off. Lena apologizes for not sticking up for Callie. I am here for Lena and Monte going head-to-head, honestly. My money is forever on Lena. Anyway, Callie has an idea Monte isn’t going to like and Lena is all ears.
Stef wants to talk about Lena about the fact that one of the kids downloaded Pump. Jude walks in and they grill him about where he was, what he was doing, and what on earth he was thinking? The poor kid looks like he’s been crying for an hour or so. Once the moms get done lecturing him about how many terrible things could have happened to him, they tell him that they want him to be careful and (when he’s older) to have positive sexual experiences. It all ends in a mom sandwich. Ugh this show. When it’s good, it’s pretty darn good.
Lena puts up a flyer in the school hallway offering to teach LGBT kids sex ed off campus. Monte tells her that’s a good idea and that the seniors backed down and will participate in the open house. Fill-in Assistant Principal guy runs in from CPAC to talk to Monte. Turns out Callie got the seniors to back down by displaying her project “off campus.” It’s across the parking lot from the school. Monte is pissed and Lena is out of fucks to give.
Brandon returns to music therapy, promises to observe and be practically invisible, and then pratfalls over a bunch of music stands. Classic. But it turns out that the kid he disturbed in the last class thinks physical humor is funny and his mom was so happy to hear that he laughed, she hugs Brandon. Tripping and still ending up getting kudos? #ThatsSoBrandon
Callie and AJ are discussing the shitty spot he’s in between not wanting to hurt Mike or his brother. But, a lady who is there for the open house comes by the tell Callie that she should consider applying to her college. It’s in San Diego! It’s close by! The show can continue with all the kids still at home. California University Condors! Woo hoo!
Brandon comes home to Jesús and Emma playing piano. Jesús starts yelling that he knows they are having sex and that’s why she won’t have sex with him. Stef steps in and clears the room. Jesús breaks down. Mariana runs after Brandon and yells at him until he objects to the idea that Emma is pregnant. He says she isn’t anymore. Good lord, dude. You are a terrible secret keeper!
AJ and Ana’s mom are playing with Isabella when abuela lets it slip that Ana can move in now that Mike is going to adopt AJ. All the secrets, you guys. Can everyone just try not to lie so damn much?
Mariana tweets about Emma not trusting her with the news she was pregnant. It’s not about you, Mariana!
Lena and Callie walk in, high off the news that Callie is getting recruited by art school so of course, OF COURSE! Robert is in the kitchen to break the news that he couldn’t buy everyone off so Callie has to go to trial.