We thrive on these everyday tiny moments where we both get to be reminded of our agreed-upon power differential.
“Family and friends tend to recognize her and her boyfriend and pretend that I don’t exist, mostly because they have been together longer and queer relationships are not respected or recognized.”
Here’s how a 23-year-old native and Jewish queer trans woman with Cerebral Palsy living in Baltimore and dating a few people does poly.
“I’ve written them a letter about feeling like I’m getting the short end of the stick, but I’m afraid that it comes off as a break-up letter and I don’t want to break up with them. I really just want to be happy with them.”
“Love in partnership as colonized/racialized bodies is courageously undressing the walls we have built to survive and showing others the chaos that war has left behind.”
“Being queer, Asian-American, femme, and gray ace — this is my identity and I get to choose what that means to me.”
I have to be willing to reveal the messy, intimate parts of my life to have this authority exchange really work 24/7. Otherwise, it just isn’t sustainable.
Here’s how a 33-year-old queer, polyamorous, white, trans woman living in Chicago who’s married and has a long-term girlfriend does poly.
Be the daddy you want to see in the world.
“Not leaning into change is a lot like staring at your house while it’s on fire.”
Welcome to Poly Pocket, a new series showcasing polyamorous and ethically non-monogamous relationships. Here’s how a married kinky butch/femme couple does poly.
If they are feeling hurt by people who don’t want to use their pronouns or just by a long day of having to gender in the world, listen to them and ask how you can help ease the stress.
“To date long distance then live with the other in person is to be in two versions of the same relationship. One wishes desperately for the future and is fueled by daydreams of the past; the other tries to make every waking moment something special and ignores the fact that time is passing, whether we like it or not.”
I’ve worked hard to hold onto my independence, and here I was giving it up — to someone more dominant and more masculine. My feminist ancestors didn’t burn their bras for this. Except what if they did?
“…there’s a value in extending the period of time in which the way you build a life together is directed only by what’s in your heart and guts and brain, not by leases and legal documents and bill payments and shared sofas.”
“I cannot wait to have a partner with whom I can explore consensual non-consent in a 24/7 lifestyle. But to be called a slave? In America?”
A 28 year-old closeted lesbian and married mother of three, and a token gay friend who’s feeling quite encroached upon. Calling it like I see it!
Sarah and I talked a lot about power in our relationship — who had it, who felt it, how it flowed between us. It wasn’t always smooth.
“I want to make out with my bestie. I love her dearly, but I don’t think I’m in love with her—I don’t want to be in a whole relationship thing with her or anything.”
We started to turn the top/bottom dynamics in our sex life into 24/7 dominance/submission. It was highly negotiated, mutually consensual, and extremely hot.