Being gay in public can be daunting, and it is not only because PDA discourse is fraught with questions of respectability and modesty. No, for us in the LGBTQ+ community, it can be a matter of life and death, so I completely understand your confusion and possible hesitance around showing PDA to your partner.
Pandemic haircuts, changing your perception around friendships, do you want kids, do you need to know what you’re looking for when dating, feeling weird about not feeling New Relationship Energy, and more!
You may be wondering, do I really have to communicate directly about EVERYTHING? In short… yes! Well okay, in slightly longer: almost always yes.
You can’t change your partner, or her sex drive. All you can change is the situation you’re in.
“Wow I’m making myself sound so fucked up! I promise I got 30 whole percent in secure attachment.”
Even one-night-stands have a spirit to them, but I wasn’t willing to confront that until I stopped drinking. When I did, I was finally able to place my mind right within my body, to touch and be touched without fear. Having sober sex was a way for me to unravel the contempt I felt around my body and my sexuality.
I’m not saying this word doesn’t hold meaning — I’m saying the opposite. This word holds so many meanings.
“You don’t have to be friends with the girl you met on Tinder (even if she says “wanna be friends instead?” after two dates and some exceedingly mediocre sex).”
“My biggest relationship fear is that my desire to not be controlled means that I’ll be alone forever and never receive any feeling of comfort or security. Yikes! Typing that out was fun.”
If you use this opportunity to sharpen your communication, your dynamic will be stronger (and hotter) on the other side of a crisis.
Here’s some advice about how to weather a long distance relationship during a global pandemic, whether you and your babe live in different countries or just a few blocks away.
Search polyamory and you’ll see the term partnered with words like “sexual revolution” and “on the rise” in several news pieces on the subject. Surely, there’s more to non-monogamy than sex, or the rebellion of joining a fad? What could it take to make being open/ polyamorous/ non-monogamous work? Eleven books and the internet’s idea of a “sexual revolution” bookshelf later, I present to you a list of some major titles relevant to queer women.
There’s something different about how you approach sex with someone you’ll be scissoring for the long haul – you know what she likes, you can do things a little differently if you’re fluid-bonded, and you can invest in higher-end things you know you’ll both love.
Sleepovers are overrated.
When we legally and symbolically bind ourselves together, we’re exchanging some of that fluidity for commitment. Once we marry, breaking up is hard — I mean, really hard — to do.
Every couple fights. But when you’re a witch you have secret powers to make it all better.
Dating is an adventure for the daring and intrepid, often requiring resources like self-awareness, a group chat, clean jeans, and therapy. Sometimes it requires even more concrete things to throw into our bags before we leave the house!
Much like how everyone told us “OMG you’re both Geminis? This will never work,” we were also told “OMG you’re both bottoms? This will never work.” Joke’s on everyone else; the healthiest relationship and the best sex of my life has been with another bottom.
Having settled into sweet solitary contentment, I wasn’t looking for love. It found me anyway. Meeting an old friend, I was struck by Cupid’s arrow when I realized she was single.
Pop culture makes it easy to believe that having feelings for someone means you need to act on it. We explore why it can actually be healthy to have feelings for people without being attached to a specific outcome, or needing to tell them, and have you can process it on your own.
You don’t need to measure up to any of the things you’ve been taught are the “right” ways to be as a sexual being. There is no way to do sexuality “right” by any objective, external standard.