I Watched Lesbian Classic “The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love” and Confirmed That Life Is Suffering

Here’s what I would be willing to do instead of watch this movie: Drink as many La Croixs as it would take to fill a bathtub in one sitting. Make a snowman with my bare hands out of the snow that’s been icing over for weeks. Walk across an oiled kitchen floor carrying a latte that I’m bringing to a person I don’t want to disappoint or embarrass myself in front of and also the kitchen is super long. Listen to someone try out every ringtone on their phone on a public bus.