So apparently Donald Trump, the billionare real estate mogul who has his own teevee show in which he fires people by saying firmly “You’re fired,” is really probably going to run for president, which sounds like the worst idea I’ve heard since I first heard the idea of Sarah Palin running for president. I’m in favor of a constitutional amendment that bars anyone who has participated in a Reality Television program from running for President if anyone on the left is interested in proposing an amendment that could potentially waste as much time as the Republican amendments.
Anyhow, in order to win over the hearts and minds of the most stubborn self-centered members of the Republican party — the Social Conservatives — Donald Trump has officially reversed his positions on abortion…
He says one of the main reasons [he switched from pro-choice to pro-life is] because one of his close personal friends chose to keep his child rather than have an abortion.
[Sidenote: Um, isn’t it safe to say that everyone who’s ever had a child chose to have a child rather than have an abortion? Because they had the child, so. Not the abortion. If you have a child, you did not have an abortion. Is this complicated? Except for the people on that I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant show]
…and same-sex marriage:
Trump told The Des Moines Register last week that while his “attitude on it has not been fully formed,” his current stance is “no and no” when it comes to extending any kind of rights to gay couples.
According to Mother Jones, this position “is in stark contrast to his past support for gay rights on everything from domestic partner benefits and civil unions to gays serving openly in the military.” In 2000, he told The Advocate that he supported “a very strong domestic partnership law” though he opposed legalizing gay marriage, saying:
“I think it’s important for gay couples who are committed to each other to not be hassled when it comes to inheritance, insurance benefits, and other simple everyday rights.”
Furthermore Trump said he “cared more about a person’s capabilities than their sexuality” and would open the door for gay employees in his staff. He also wanted to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and amend The Civil Rights Act to include GLBTQ people.
BUT NOW IT’S TIME TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE AMERICAN STATES! So he is over gay people, which I would suggest means he never cared that strongly in their favor before
However, despite Trump’s eager willingness to throw gay people under the bus in his pursuit of world domination, experts doubt he’ll pull it off, as he has the Mark of the Beast for Supporting The Evil Gays in the Past:
Steffen Schmidt, an Iowa State political science professor who’s studied the caucuses for 40 years, says the fate of Trump’s candidacy is a no-brainer once Iowans learn of his past positions on issues including gay rights. “The moment at which Donald Trump’s campaign collapses is the moment the 18 or 20 other candidates bring up these views and chop him off at the knees,” Schmidt says. “I have no idea why he thinks he could launch his campaign in Iowa, but he’d probably be successful launching it in Las Vegas.”
In almost-conclusion, Donald Trump is essentially a waste of oxygen. Every single thing he does is ridiculous and pointless. His #1 crusade right now is tracking down Barack Obama’s birth certificate, which I mean — really? Does he know that a child dies from hunger every 2 seconds? Probably not! because The Smoking Gun has found documents revealing that Donald Trump had given just $3.7 million dollars to charity over the past 20 years, or less than $25,000 a year to charity, making him the least charitable billionaire ever.
His homophobia should come as no surprise, however, that Trump is reversing his stance on gay issues to pander to the party. He’s a misogynist homophobe, as I discussed several months back in Policing Female Masculinity and which you’ve probably noticed if you’ve ever listened to him talk about women, like in 2008,when he told Larry King he found Angelina Jolie “amazing” because “Everyone thinks she’s like this great beauty. And I’m not saying she’s an unattractive woman, but she’s not a beauty by any stretch of the imagination. And now she’s like a representative of the United Nations and world peace and all of this crap.”
In 2006, Donald Trump launched his crusade against lesbian Rosie O’Donnell, hurling one homophobic insult after another while suggesting that Rosie’s then-wife Kelli Carpenter would be happier with one of his cronies than with Rosie:
“She talks like a truck driver…I never understood, how does she even get on television?… I’d look at her right in that fat ugly face of her’s and say Rosie, you’re fired!… It’s not the chubbiness, Rosie is a very unattractive person inside and out, and she’s very lucky to have her girlfriend and she better be careful or I’ll send one of my friends over to get her girlfriend. Why would she stay with Rosie if she had another choice?”
In a Larry King Live interview in 2008, Trump continued sounding off about Rosie:
“She came to my wedding. She ate like a pig. And — I mean, seriously, the wedding cake was — was — it was like missing in action. I couldn’t stand there. I didn’t like it, but a particular woman wanted her at the wedding — Marla. I think they were friendly or something. And so I said what’s Rosie O’Donnell doing here?”
In response to the 2006 Rosie Debacle, Karmen Kregloe at AfterEllen.com wrote of his Rosie-bashing interview with Greta Van Susten: “Trump crossed the lines that separate business from personal, creep from misogynist, and insecure bully from homophobe.”
Here’s what’s really scary — The LA Times reports that Republicans polled in a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey on the question of who should receive the GOP nomination for president, Trump, the real estate tycoon, tied former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee for first.
You guys. Is this the apocalypse?
The most retrospectively anonymous quote from the Donald-Rosie feud, however, is as follows, and speaks for itself:
“Well look, Rosie is a very unattractive woman. I’m saying something. I’m not a politician so I’m not running for office so I can say it. I’m mean, Rosie is a very unattractive woman but as unattractive as she is on the outside, she’s even worse on the inside, and she’s very lucky to have a nice girlfriend. I think you better hold onto your girlfriend Rosie because if you lose her, you’ll never be able to get another one.”
Luckily I don’t even have to tell you what I think (’cause let’s be real– you already know), I’m gonna tell you what Republican former Senator and all-around stand-up guy Alan Simpson thinks about these issues currently mucking up his party, so that we can end this post on a positive note:
Who the hell is for abortion? I don’t know anybody running around with a sign that says ‘have an abortion, they’re wonderful.’ They’re hideous. But they’re a deeply intimate and personal decision and I don’t think men legislators should even vote on the issue.
Then you’ve got homosexuality — you’ve got ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’.
We’ve got homophobes in our party. That’s disgusting to me. We’re all human beings, we’re all God’s children… if [Rick Santorum] is the kind of guys that are going to be on my ticket, you know, it makes you sort out hard what Reagan said, ‘stick with your folks,’ but I’m not sticking with people who are homophobic, anti-women — moral values, while you’re diddling your secretary, while you’re giving a speech on moral values. Come on, get off of it.”
No one is going to become President by championing gay rights so get over it.
super compelling comment. good job.
No one is going to become president solely by de-championing gay rights, either. There’s more to it than that, shockingly.
As per Jose’s wise advice, I am officially “over it” and will be returning to my previous occupation of serving food in Italian restaurants.
According to Jose’s worldview of politicians, the closest you’ll be allowed to get to melons is via prosciutto.
FUGETTABAUDIT
COMMENT AWARD
^^My thoughts, exactly. Supes cool.
Because I’m the irritatingly optimistic type, let’s rephrase that:
“No one is going to become President by championing gay rights in THIS election.”
Thank-you. (Okay, maybe the next two elections.)
what a tool.
but i guess when you are rich/white/man people will pay attention to what you say, regardless of it’s value.
At this point, I think he will say anything that will help him get nominated within the republican base. Later, he will say anything that will help him get elected from the gen pop. Look for some reversals. This guy is slime.
I think he is really doing this to HELP Obama.
soooo Alan Simpson for king, right? or vice president? something?
I second this nomination. There are reasonable, principled people in both parties but their voices are some of the first to get drowned out by all the hyperbolic b.s.
I applaud him for speaking his mind and conscience but this is the same guy that made the awkward green weenie/enema man/snoopy snoopy poop dogg comments.
I’m a bit uncomfortable with his use of “hideous” as a descriptor for abortion. While abortions certainly aren’t cause for a party, that extremely negative language may bring shame upon women who have had/are considering having an abortion.
I should qualify: if he makes it through the primary, my prediction is he won’t get the nomination.
The GOP is freaking out because they know a decent amount of their staunch conservative voters will not vote for these crazytown people, including Palin (who might run on a third party ticket, taking more votes away), — they are finding they actually hurt their ’cause’, so I applaud every time another one gets on the bus. This is my small comfort w/r/t the hating they spew.
oh good point!! i love this point.
Exactly! As Bill Maher pointed out, “If the Republican party shifts to the right, how will we know?”
If Donald Trump actually became president of the United States, there is not a single thing that could keep me in the country.
That really hurts Laura!
there are many reasons to consider canada, just saying
I think all of you girls should move to canada.
YES! And help us vote out our less-than-thrilled-about-the-gays government!
Come on up, we’d love to have you! (Montreal is especially lovely).
We do have a dickbag as prime minister and he’ll probably win a majority in the election next month which will allow him to be an even gigantic-er dickbag…. but Donald Trump!?!??
Anyone, I mean ANYONE who has the nerve to fire Nadia Comaneci is evil incarnate.
It’s very nice here. Often quite warm. Oh, and is that a gay-marriage happening outside my window?
Hey remember when all the crazies on the right threatened to leave the country if Obama got elected? I don’t think that actually happened, though. I mean could you IMAGINE what would Europe would be like right now if the entire Bible belt had decided to move there at once??? The Prado would be knocked down and replaced with a giant mall, Jack Daniels would be served in French restaurants….or, no, wait…I think they’d all just end up in Siberia. And they wouldn’t even know what to expect because none of them have ever seen Fiddler
I would absolutely leave too. No doubt in my mind.
Jose is correct, people become president by championing rich, materialistic, imperialist rights.
diver for president – your platform is unimpeachable!
I second the nomination!
btw: diver, did you see my response back to you in the NSFW Sunday from last week?
For my own selfish/partisan reasons, I really hope Donald Trump either gets through the primaries and is nominated or uses his kajillions of dollars and massive ego to run as a third-party candidate. He’ll never win a general election if he’s the nominee and as a third-party candidate, he’ll only siphon votes from the republican candidate. After all this plays out, I’ll even send the dude a thank-you card for making a republican loss so easy.
So well put – I agree 100%
America, and the world has turned into a pure business. So Trump is the perfect canidate. All we need from a president for the short term is to fix the economy. Save the gay issues for another time, because frankly gay rights aren’t gonna make or break the country. The economy will.
You really think a guy who has filed for bankruptcy three times can fix the economy?
It’s always “save it for another time.” Fuck that.
I am so full of rage about Trump that I can’t fully express myself right now. Maybe later, after I’ve come up with some more family-friendly euphemisms for “cockbag.”
dicksatchel, toolbelt, prickpurse, shlongsling…
This made me so happy.
Cunt?
Snake Pit
Peter Pad
Rabbit Hole
Hot Dog Bun
Elephant’s Trunk
Candy Wrapper
packagepurse, prickpouch, dickduffle, cockrucksack
Rocket Pocket
Deep Throat
John Stewart called him a “F*CK WAD” on last night’s show and it was perfect. Not exactly family friendly but give it a try. Feels good.
I’m so glad I’m now 18 and can finally follow through on my threat to move to Canada.
May be a very long line of people making the trek over the northern border….
When GWB got reelected I investigated emigrating to The Netherlands, New Zealand, Canada, and Australia. Not unsurprisingly, none of these countries had the welcome mat out for disaffected Americans. If I remember correctly, New Zealand was the only country that had a path to citizenship IF you had sufficient assets to prove you weren’t going to be a drag on their social services.
Of course, those are just the official paths.
No worries, I plan on hurdling Niagara Falls.
A superior plan requiring a lot less paperwork!
tee-hee New Zealand…
Sorry, having my country mentioned in anything makes me irrationally excited.
I love your country – I feel like a member of the tourist board, encouraging everyone to go there. I just wish it wasn’t such a long haul for me.
I also love your country! My sister studied abroad there in 2008 and I went with her to visit this time last year. We plan on going to visit again next January/February. I would totally live there if they would let me.
You guys are AWESOME.
Getting with a hot Aussie helps your case, though. *thumbs up*
Don’t hot Aussies make everything better?
We do try.
Too cold. Lesser Antilles.
I will “fake” marry someone so you can come to canada.
It’s not to cold here, in vancouver it’s just rains alot in the winther.
Donald Trump is the uncle to who gets drunk at picnics and makes an ass of himself routinely. Then, he makes an ass of himself sober. Then he is just an ass at all events. Soon, you realize the uncle who used to give you pennies is generally thought of as an ass.
Am I projecting?
holy shit, you just described my uncle danny, which puts this into a whole new light. i didnt like trump before, but now…fuuck.
Your uncle Danny is actually your uncle Donny….Donny Trump
DO NOT WANT.
I hope to god he doesn’t run, because then I’ll have to explain over and over why I hate his stupid face (and his goddamn hair. Get a stylist.) I feel like Rachel Maddow or someone should interview him and verbally kick his ass. I’d watch that.
I’d masturbate to that.
…overshare?
No need…I’m here!
My dad said if Trump ran for prez, he’d vote for him.
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE COME GET ME. TENNESSEE SUCKS AND MY FAMILY THINKS PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS CRAP.
Do you like the Colorado River?
but DOLLYWOOD
Well yes, Dollywood is great, but MY PAIN IS GREATER.
If it was up to me, those caps would already equal honorary Canadian status.
When someone uses the word diddle, it makes me have sudden and compulsive urges to be diddling someone–Republican or not.
The word diddle makes me think of piddle which makes me think of my grandmother who liked to say piddle. And then I think of pork tenderloin because she makes awesome pork tenderloin, then I think of slaughterhouses, and that I’ve been meaning to become a vegetarian.
Diddling someone=becoming a vegetarian. Lesbian circle of life.
Donald the candidate is good news for the democratic party. … Why? … The republicans will use up a lot of money 1. Financing Donald 2. Financing his opponents in the repub party. We are talking about political contributions. Money that can’t later be used for the real candidate’s campaign.
So, regardless what you think of Donald or his political views – talk him up – support him in the republican contender field. I like him more and more all the time. Supporting Donald in his efforts can only help the democratic cause, which is good IF you are a democrat. C’mon, a little political strategy!
BTW…I don’t give a shit what Donald does or doesn’t like…or who! He’s never invited me to a BBQ at his house.
But if we constitutionally bar anyone who’s ever been on a reality show from being president then Dani Campbell couldn’t be president. :C
this comment brightened my entire stupid day!
DANI FOR PRESIDENT! I’ll start making buttons.
The next presidential election is the first one I can vote in, and Trump sure as heck doesn’t have my vote.
Also, when my dad was trying to remember Trump’s name and couldn’t, so he ended up just calling him ‘Mr. Bad-Hair-Day’ and proceeding to rant about him using that name even after we told him Trump’s name.
donald trump can shit and fall in it.
as old people are wont to do.
First thing I noticed: “He says one of the main reasons [he switched from pro-choice to pro-life is] because one of his close personal friends chose to keep his child rather than have an abortion.” Umm…WTF? “HIS” child? So the man made the decision to not abort the child? No. No, that was the woman’s decision. That…this doesn’t even make sense.
Also, yes, Canada welcomes all homogay people! Seriously, I’m like trying to get all my gay international friends to come here, ‘cuz, why not? Just get a parka and learn the rules to curling and you are set!
What if I already know the rules to curling, do I get like a special golden ticket letting me into the country?
You get a complimentary broom at the border and a cup of Tim Horton’s coffee!
If our precious coffee wasn’t already invading the States from the North, I’d probably say that Tim’s is reason enough to move.
things i thought of when i read that:
1. did this man force his wife to have her child
2. why was this the man’s decision
3. donald your friends suck.
1) That’s an even more compelling reason to be pro-choice BECAUSE IT’S THE WOMAN’S CHOICE.
i was just going to comment on that! so upsetting. like, who cares what that silly little fetus incubator thinks, as long as the GUY gets heard….
it might be a little less annoying if the friend in question is a pregnant trans guy. but, somehow, SOMEHOW, i doubt it!
Yea, we welcome all gay people..but Harper doesnt. Harper’s damn party needs to be voted OUT.
And I disagree with being pro life or pro abortion, so I am definitely pro choice. But srsly? Your right. Not the man’s decision. Wtf.
COULD SOMEONE PLEASE NOTICE THE ANI DIFRANCO REFERENCE IN THE TITLE OF THIS POST
Oh holy shit I was right! I thought I was just seeing Ani everywhere because it’s Autostraddle. Oh Riese.
I never did have illusions about Donald Trump. I absolutely won’t take him as is, though, I won’t take him at all.
DO NOT WANT TRUMP AS IS (or at all) IVE GOT NO ILLUSIONS ABOUT HIM.
It does bug me that he believes what he’s saying, and that while he’s telling us stories, he actually believes that they are real.
Or maybe his image consultants do.
he just needs to give up and admit he’s an asshole.
In the GOP he would be in good company.
(I think he’ll find that the gays won’t forgive him. Or maybe I am just speaking for me).
word. they would have no problem with that. really.
when i look around i think
THIS
THIS
is good enough.
(for real!OMGAILVOEYOU)
I have never heard a single song. Ignore the fact that I am a philistine and help me out here… what’s the reference?
Yeah, but imagine how much fun we can have at America’s expense if he does become president. By ‘we’ I mean the rest of the world. And by ‘fun’ I mean more fun.
x2 lol
Who would his VP even be? Would he have a TV show for that too? “The Apprentice: Vice President Edition” where Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee and the other candidates compete for relevance?
i vote for joan rivers
That…could be interesting… I think you’re onto something.
At the very least her campaign would be entertaining…something to said for that..
THIS MAKES ME VERY SAD. i secretly think donald trump is a badass.
I watched The Apprentice for a couple seasons. But then I realized Donald Trump is an idiot and watching people vie for the approval of an idiot isn’t entertaining, it’s sad. Trump started commenting on girl’s appearances and randomly bringing up people’s sexual orientation up in the board room and it became clear Trump is a) gross and b) weird.
That said, there is no way in hell Trumpie wins a primary. The early voting states like Iowa take their duties seriously. I think Mitt Romney is the mostly likely, but I don’t think Pawlenty would be that bad of a choice for the GOP. Huckabee is the most boring man alive — I don’t care if he plays bass guitar. Bachmann is too far on the fringe and she sounds way too much like Palin when she speaks.
I really just can’t stand his face.
“Mark of the Beast for Supporting The Evil Gays in the Past” BEST
Move to Canada, vote out Harper. Or we could gang up on the states for same sex marriage..bad idea?
I wouldn’t vote for Donald for a few reasons.
1) His surname: “President Trump” makes me giggle like a 6 year old after several joints.
2) His hair – need I say more?
3) (The only ‘political’ reason) he has awful policies.
4) Mostly I wouldn’t vote for him, because I legally am unable to – not being a US Citizen, or of legal voting age, I’ll just watch from the ‘sidelines’*
*(by sidelines I mean the UK, where gay marriage is totally legal, and whilst our government isn’t perfect – I support it.)
So, fellow Autostraddle-ers hop a plane and come to the UK. If you’re American/Canadian/Australian/from New-Zealand (or any part of the EU) you’re welcome to come over for 6 months. B.E.A-Utiful.
I used to think gay marriage was legal here in NZ, until I discovered a week ago that only civil unions are legal, it’s just no-one’s making a fuss about it. We’re still the first country in the world to give women the vote though. (I feel so happy saying that.)
In the UK it’s also only Civil Unions too – but the only difference here is that a Civil Union/Marriage isn’t linked to any religious organisation and is just ruled by the state. No one seems to complain – all the rights are the same. Apparently it’s being upgraded to ‘1st Class Marriage’ by 2015 though, says Simon Hughes: of the Liberal Democrats.
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