Faking It Episode 214 Recap: So Liberal With Her Scissors and Other Things

Welcome to the fourteenth episode of the second season of Faking It, an informational documentary about the dangers of putting Magic Shell in the refrigerator, from the same network that brought you I Want a Famous Face.


We open in the dapper sunlight of an early morn, where Karma and Amy have fallen asleep spooning after Amy’s tragic breakup with Reagan.

SINCE WHEN HAVE I BECOME THE BIG SPOON?

SINCE WHEN AM I THE BIG SPOON?

Karma, unnecessarily horrified — as in, she fully considers for a good solid second that maybe they had wild lesbian sex all night, which I s’pose means she considers such a thing possible, which means something, maybe — leaps out of bed in full hair and makeup and quickly re-dresses herself in an outfit far too ambitious for this time of day. They’ve got a couples date with Liam, Shane and Duke! Amy slowly rouses herself and makes a solid case for staying in bed (because bed, y’all) but Karma informs Amy that she can’t just wallow forever! It’s been nearly 45 seconds! Get over it!

Amy Faking It

Mmmmm…. morning head….


Meanwhile, Theo’s softening Lauren’s icy heart like a stick of butter! They’re in love like butterflies kissing on a leaf. Lauren says that she misses kissing him in public, but they can’t because Theo would lose his job and Lauren would lose her presidency. I know this ’cause Lauren tells Theo, “If anybody found out, you’d lose your job and I’d lose my presidency.” As you know, of course. Also, as you know, Theo’s name isn’t “Theo,” but Lauren likes it so she’s sticking to it.

Ok well, obviously I'm wearing a black t-shirt and a dark grey-jacket and my superman undies...

Ok well, obviously I’m wearing a black t-shirt and a dark grey-jacket and my Bart Simpson undies…

Theo’s left a little note for Lauren on the back porch, so Lauren zooms down to snatch it only to find that Amy the Wild Snatcher’s already got her fingering fingers all over it — and it says “I’m counting the hours until I see you again.” Fortunately or unfortunately, the conclusion Amy subsequently jumps to is not that Lauren’s sneaking around with Theo — it’s that her mother is having an affair!


Saturdays at Sporkle are swinging soirees, and today is no exception: the interns are stapling away like two swans in a pond!

I love a girl who understands that one irrelevant button on her dress isn't nearly enough

I love a girl who understands that one irrelevant button on her dress isn’t nearly enough

Then Liam’s Dad shows up and Zita steps out just in time for Liam’s Dad to inform Liam that he thinks Zita would make a good life partner for his strapping young son and that Karma’s probably just after his money.

Liam: Karma is awesome!
Mr. Booker: They all seem awesome until they come after your money. That’s what I like about Zita! She’s got piles of her own.

I’ve added “talk to Zita about investing in Autostraddle” to my to-do list.

It's okay, son. We've all accidentally left our laptop open to AdultFriendFinder.com at work sometimes. It's growing pains.

It’s okay, son. Gender theory is hard, but I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it after a few semesters.


Back at Chez Fawcett, Amy’s Mom is foisting a large platter of processed carbohydrates upon her sweet angels while whistling a happy tune to herself. I know what you’re thinking: she’s finally had sex with a woman! NOPE.

So you're telling me the bird that was previously sitting on my shoulder is no longer there? Is that what you're implying?

So you’re telling me the bird that was previously sitting on my shoulder is no longer there?

Amy: Is that a new haircut, mother?
Farrah: Why is it too short? Oh, that darn Becky at the salon, so liberal with her scissors… and other things!

Amy doesn’t even catch that Farrah’s hairdresser Becky is a carpet-muncher ’cause she’s far too preoccupied with who might be munching Farrah’s carpet. She tells Lauren that Farrah cheats on every husband with the next one and honestly, Bruce is the best one she’s got so far — and, also, it turns out that “this whole step-sister thing wasn’t so terrible either.” “Same,” Lauren agrees. Aw. See! Friendship is magic!

Oh come on, don't pretend like you don't know what scissoring is

Oh come on, don’t pretend like you don’t know what scissoring is

Only if you stop pretending that you don't like 69'ing sometimes

Only if you stop pretending that you hate 69


We then take a merry walk through television time/space and arrive at Kurt and Blaine’s favorite hangout: the local neighborhood coffee shop. Shane and Duke are enjoying some generous public displays of affection ’cause they never get to see each other now that Duke’s so busy with appearances.

Oh hey, aren't you that chick from Amreican

Oh hey aren’t you the chick who sells smoothies with poison in them?

You want a free sample?

You want a free sample?

Karma’s enthusiasm for Liam’s arrival is immediately dampened when he shows up with Zita in tow. Unfortch, Duke’s publicist couldn’t snag Shane a spot on the jet plane to see Duke’s first big fight, but never fear, Zita and Her Piles Of Money are here! She insists on flying the whole gang to Los Angeles on her private jet.

Oh my gosh YOU'RE @bakedzitaaaaa? We read your Emison fan-fic out loud to each other before bed!

Oh my gosh YOU’RE @bakedzitaaaaa? We read your Emison fan-fic out loud to each other before bed!

Ugh no that shit is SO old, where did you even find it?

Ugh no that shit is SO old, where did you even find it?

I only write Sparia fic now.

My Emison days are over. I only write Sparia fic now.

Faking It-21400092

This changes everything


We then skip merrily back to Chez Fawcett, where Amy’s intense archeological dig of the laundry hamper for clues about Farrah’s affair have turned up one very important clue: a motel key card!

That's right. Somebody's been using MY Walgreens Rewards card and I'm not stopping 'til I find out what happened to my 18,000 points

That’s right. Somebody’s been using MY Walgreens Rewards card and I’m not stopping ’til I get my 18,000 hard-earned points back.


We then fly luxuriously over to Los Angeles, California, home of sun, stars, relaxing beaches, a lot of mid-day traffic and most of my friends. Shane’s gushing about the gay masseuse Zita’s got on her Private Jet as they pull up to the venue just in time for Duke’s “weigh-in.” But Zita’s got different plans for her afternoon with Karma.

Well, I do have a few friends waiting for us at The Planet...

Lemme just say that I happen to have a few friends waiting for us at The Planet…

Faking It-21400128

and one of them just-so-happens to be named Shane McCutcheon!

Faking It-21400130

You have to let me do this

I’ll catch up with you later.

Zita wants to go shopping on Rodeo to buy new duds for the big fight tonight, her treat. When prodded, Karma insists to Liam that all these diamond rings and fancy things don’t make her feel weird at all! Not even one tiny bit! Nope! Absolutely not.

Liam: Are you okay with all of this? You know… with things back home right now I wouldn’t blame you if you felt uncomfortable.
Karma: The only thing uncomfortable for me was all the turbulence over Arizona. You’re sweet to worry but I’m having a blast!

Fun fact: “all the turbulence over Arizona” is my pet name for Laneia. So, Liam dashes, and Karma and Zita are free to hit the shops like the great gal pals they are.


Back in Texas, Amy and Lauren are fighting over whose parent is doing the cheating — Lauren insists it’s her Dad, and Amy insists it’s her Mom. Everybody wants to have the cheater on their family tree!

Oh my word did you fingerbang Becky the hairdresser while she was on her period?!

Oh my word did you fingerbang Becky the hairdresser while she was on her period?!

Why isn’t Farrah wearing her wedding ring? Is that a new shirt, BRUCE? Oh yeah, it was a gift from Farrah. Why the GIFTS, Farrah? What is this, CHRISTMAS? Is that why everybody is always wearing scarves and sweaters? Does somebody feel GUILTY about DOING SOMETHING NAUGHTY? What’s with all the SUGAR AND SPICE? WHAT’S THE DEAL, Y’ALL?

Faking It-21400148

Look, all I’m saying is that maybe if you stopped dumping cocaine onto all of our food, we could finally get some sleep around here

Faking It-21400152

Well, Farrah knows the deal: Amy’s just lost and delirious ’cause she’s still heartbroken about Reagan!

Farrah: I know what this is about. You’re still hurtin’ from your breakup. And I bet right now you hope that you will never fall in love again. But your soulmate is out there and you’ll find him someday. Or her. Them. Whatever.

Look at Farrah with her gender-neutral pronouns!


We then swim in our teeny tiny bikinis over to resplendent Los Angeles, California, where Duke’s shocked and thrilled to see his boyfriend has made the arduous journey through land and fog to watch him punch another man in the faceplate!

Listen, just come with me, and before you know it, we will be in a world of pure imagination

Listen, just come with me, and before you know it, we will be in a world of pure imagination

Joanna The Publicist is thrilled ’cause Mr. Peanut is here and Mr. Peanut’s product launch was the best product launch of all time! What a catch, that Liam Booker! She already pre-ordered her monocle!

RAWR

Let the armpit-smelling contest commence

Joanna says Shane can duck out if seeing Duke compare his biceps to another man’s biceps makes him uncomfortable, but nope, insists Shane, ’cause “I know who Duke’s going to prom with, and it ain’t that guy.” Joanna is alarmed to learn her client is shagging a high school student and obviously hasn’t seen the Brian/Justin prom scene from Queer as Folk.


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Riese is the 38-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2822 articles for us.

35 Comments

  1. When you end recaps with delightfully real non-sequiturs like “I still have hope for this show, honestly, I really do. Do you ever mean to open a new window and instead select “About Safari”?” it just reminds me how much you Autostraddle writers just really get me, like on a deep level.

  2. So someone has put up episodes that haven’t aired yet on the internet? Anyway, I still have hope also, having seen a few episodes ahead. The strongest element of this show is character development-focused parts, so they should do more of that.

      • Yeah, I didn’t realize until I’d seen a few that the air date was coming to me from the future (I couldn’t get the MTV thing to work). Sorry to have mentioned it here! And I guess doing it again now? I’ll shut up now.

        But I feel like this show is writing itself out of a lot of bad decisions (relying too heavily on stereotypes and tropes and situations instead of actual character work and letting situations unfold more naturally) and I am feeling hopeful for the future!

  3. I still love this show.
    It might not get all the stuff right all the time, but then, it’s the little things, like very liberal Becky,Lauren, with absolutely everything she does, the Veronica Mars references, Yarn Arts, you know.
    That said, I’ll be off to rewatch that Justin/Brian prom scene.
    Maybe I’ll wear a plaid shirt and a white silk scarf this Halloween and go as a tragic gay love story next year…

  4. The Amy/Lauren part of the episode was great, but everything else was just painful, and very, very predictable. Like, as soon as Shane mentioned the publicist, I knew she’d cause trouble between him and Duke, and OBVIOUSLY Zita wanted to get into Liam’s pants. On the other hand, I totally thought Farrah and Bruce would be sneaking out to bang each other, away from the snooping eyes of their teenaged daughters. Amy’s dad definitely came out of the blue. And I’m much more interested in how Amy deals with the reemergence of her father than how Karma deals with Liam hooking up with Zita.

    • “I totally thought Farrah and Bruce would be sneaking out to bang each other, away from the snooping eyes of their teenaged daughters.”

      Yeah, that’s what I thought too! I was surprised to see Amy’s Dad at the door in an episode that contained very few real surprises.

  5. I was really hoping the publicist was worried about Shane being in high school not because it’s not impressive enough, but because it’s inappropriate. Damn. Well, I’ll just keep trying to convince myself that Shane is 16 and Duke is only 18. I can do no such convincing regarding Lauren and Theo, which is a serious bummer since I accidentally like them together.

    Well. Zita’s awful, it turns out. That’s a shame.

    • Yeah I was kinda impressed that they were trying to frame Zita as bucking expectation and not actually being after Liam, but alas.

      I’m so confused about Lauren being a sophomore dating a grown-up? But she apparently is at least 16, because she drives and owns a car… and seemingly has done so since the start of the show, which means she began her sophomore year at the age of 16… I think I was 14 at the start of my sophomore year but I’m probably the weird one

      • I turned 16 halfway through my sophomore year. And I know exactly how young I was. Dating a guy who was old enough to have finished police academy would’ve been hella creepy (also illegal to consummate).

        The cast members of these shows are generally all around the same age, so it looks less creepy that high schoolers are dating adults. I hope that doesn’t normalize it for kids IRL.

      • I know for age of consent TX has the 3-year rule, so as long as the “adults” they’re dating are less than 3 years older, it’s at least legal, but I can’t figure out ANY way that a police officer (who has gone far enough to be doing undercover work) is less than 3 years older than a high school sophomore.

        I know this show is hardly realism and I’m getting into silly technicalities, but I just want ONE teen show out there that doesn’t promote weird statutory rape relationships as root-for couples. It’s so frustrating when you’re middle-aged like me and you hand-wring about the impressionable children but nonetheless really, really like teen-oriented TV. WHAT ABOUT US?

        • I feel like Reagan and Duke could both be fairly young themselves, 19-20. I briefly dated a 17-year-old when I was 19, so…

          Theo is harder to justify though. If he is actually a police officer, he has to be well into his 20s.

          I’m with you though on wanting teen-oriented shows to stop having teenagers dating adults. It sends all kinds of confusing messages to the actual teenagers watching. I’m okay with someone under 18 dating someone over 18 if the age difference is only a couple of years, because I think most states have clauses that make those types of relationships legal, but the high school student/actual-real-life-adult couples need to stop.

    • Yuuuuuup. I was totally on-board with Joanna until she gave the most bullshit excuse rather than the perfectly valid LEGAL ONE.

      This show. If they made everyone seniors I’d accept it, but good god, why the hell is everyone dating an adult? WHY IS KARMA THE ONLY ONE WHO ETHICALLY DATES PEOPLE. AND SHE’S DATING A DOUCHEBAG WHO WANTED TO FLIP A LESBIAN.

  6. This was my least favorite episode of the leaked ones. I don’t just have hopes for the show, I think they have found their footing and that the show will just get better and better – even if they drive some of their viewers crazy by design.

    I was also so expecting Bruce to be Farrah’s No-Tell lover, and the storyline to end there.

    I dislike the Theo and Duke storylines, the age difference is awkward and it prevents me from getting invested. I wish teevee would stop pairing high-schoolers with people whom are done with school.

    I love all things Lauren & Amy – but, we’re supposed to find Lauren’s anger to be comedic, right? Which I do, but it makes me sad that I do – because the situations are really not funny.

    One thing I found highly amusing – spoiler – is Liam’s prom date. I don’t know why, but I laughed so much because of it.

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