What If This Headline Made Something Up About Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt Breaking Up

BIG WEEKEND: If you are a famous person, someone took your picture this weekend somewhere. The Hope for Haiti Fundraiser on Friday night raised $57 million dollars, and featured performances by The Roots with Jennifer Hudson, Madonna, Justin Timberlake, Jay-Z & Rihanna & The Edge & Bono, Alicia Keys, Beyoncè, Bruce Springsteen, and more. You can purchase the Hope for Haiti album at iTunes and all profits go to Haiti!

Sundance is happening (The Runaways will premiere there tonight) all the way in Utah, and in Los Angeles the Screen Actors Guild Awards happened and once again Glee won for Best Comedy Series.

Mini-gallery of the weekend’s festivities:

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ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE HAIRCUT: We thought it would be funny to post this tweet from Kim Stolz. Is it funny? She’s so cute!

90S NOSTALGIA: Salute Your Shorts: Where Are They Now? (@celebuzz)

CIVIL UNIONS: It looks like civil unions are on track to happen in Hawaii, one of the first states to approve a gay marriage ban in 1998. “We’re very pleased that the Hawaii State Senate took action and passed the civil unions bill today,” Tambry Young, co-chair of Equality Hawaii, said in a statement. “The Senate acted with great courage, conviction and integrity. They did the right thing for all Hawaii’s families.” (@ontopmag)

CONAN: Regardless of what you think about Conan and Leno and NBC and Tina Fey’s glasses, I think we can all agree this is a pretty classy farewell on Conan’s part. Add him to your list of People You Could Probably Have Very Mature And Adult Breakups With!(@huffingtonpost)

STARLITE: I have never heard of the Starlite Lounge before this, and am now v. upset about it.

“Why shouldn’t there be a bar in Crown Heights that is popular with white and black, gay and straight people, where gentrifiers and locals with long lineage drink the special punch next to one another on bar stools, where young, beautiful club types sweat it out to house music alongside 50-something veteran party organizers and standard-issue retirees who happen to live down the block? Doesn’t every place have one of those?”

Sadly, Starlite’s days may be numbered because of new management, which is TRAGIC because it sounds like they have many pretty girls and were one of the first black-owned establishments that didn’t discriminate against gays and also, most importantly, have a killer drag show on Friday nights. Get your drinks there while you can, ladies! You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here! (@nytimes)

JUSTICE: Remember Lindsay Harmon, the 29-year-old lesbian who was stabbed in the freaking eye while leaving Roxy’s Bar in Buffalo, NY on New Year’s? An arrest has been made in connection with her case – “Suzanne Grover, 21, a former Buffalo resident most recently living in Florida and who is now being held on $75,000 bail after being charged with 2nd degree assault.” Also, there will be, um, “enhanced lighting” in the area where she was attacked, and a memo sent through the police department saying hate speech is not ok! Baby steps, I guess. (@wgrz)

PORN STARS: We’ve been attempting to ignore this story for about a week now BUT IT WON’T GO AWAY. It’s like a strange rumor gone mad… Porn star Alexia Moore, who has been arrested for prostitution, may or may not try to argue in court that, based on the fact that much of her porn has been “of a Sapphic nature,” she is actually a lesbian and therefore did not solicit a man for sex. Um, lesbianism is not a defense against prostitution! We know lots of lesbian sex workers, Aside from whether or not this is inherently, well, ridiculous on its own, can we talk about this article? “The curvy Moore, whose real name is Cassandra Malandri, was “dancing” at New York’s “Big Daddy Lou’s Hot Lap Dance Club” in 2008 when she, along with fellow stripper Falynn Rodriguez, allegedly offered an undercover NYPD officer a “threesome” for big bucks.” Is that funny to anyone else? Defense lawyer Ikiesha Al-Shabazz has been quoted as saying this plan “doesn’t even make sense.” Also, here is Moore’s picture, apparently from Facebook. (@cbsnews)

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ROSIE: It looks like Rosie and her new lady, Texas-based artist and activist Tracy Kachtick-Anders were on Oprah. Oprah asked if the couples’ plans included living together, Rosie said “Yes, as soon as we can arrange the kids’ thing where she lives in Texas, you know.” By “kids” she means all 12 of them, which is how many she and Tracy have combined. That is so many! (@shewired)

TWEETS: If even our Prop 8 trial recaps are a little too much for you – for example, if you were one of several commenters who said Mr. Tam had literally driven you to drink – you might be interested in following @protectmawwiage, the account that’s running an awesome parody of the official ProtectMarriage twitter. (@queerty)

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NOH8: Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley, the creators of the NOH8 photo campaign, appeared on MSNBC to discuss their silent but powerful campaign against Prop 8 and of course Cindy McCain as the latest/most titillating addition to the project. Also: I think they might have some NOH8 billboards in the works!

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MORMONS: Right on the heels of Outrage, there is another important-looking film released about gays & politics, and this one is narrated by our BFF Dustin Lance Black! 8: The Mormon Proposition “contends that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints built on decades of anti-gay teachings to justify its political activism and tried to hide its role as the driving force behind the coalition of conservatives that helped pass Proposition 8.” Church spokespeople do not seem excited, saying “it appears that accuracy and truth are rare commodities in this film,” but I guess they wouldn’t be, would they?(@abcnews)

FASHION: Apparently a) Berlin has a Fashion Week and b) yesterday, designer Patrick Mohr put on a show called “Are We Shaved?” I really want everyone who thinks Lady Gaga’s clothes are “weird” to watch this and rethink that. Other feelings I have: this is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. (@gawker)

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CAPRICA: Do you watch Caprica? Are you still a little sad Starbuck wasn’t gay? Me too, but apparently Caprica is supposed to feature a gay dude (Sam Adama, Joseph Adama’s brother) and a bisexual lady character, Sister Clarice Willow. “However, executive producer Jennifer Espenson said gay is not a word Caprica will use. 
”Why do you have to have a different word for who they fall in love with?” Espenson asked on AfterElton.com. “Having a different word for a same-sex relationship struck me as something this culture wouldn’t have thought of since those relationships were just considered on a par and unremarkable.” What an interesting idea! (@advocate)

ANGELINA & BRAD: We’re not into this story about how they’re splitting up, except that it’d mean she’d be back in the running to be our next girlfriend. It’s actually kinda fascinating how quickly this story spread despite any verification from the source or even a reliable publication. Yeah?

GAGA: HI HELLO THESE ARE LADY GAGA COOKIES. There are ten pages of them. You’re welcome. (@queerty)

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Rachel is Autostraddle's Managing Editor and the editor who presides over news & politics coverage. Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1086 articles for us.

41 Comments

  1. Creepy Gaga cookie story: right before I opened this page, my gf and I were trying to figure out what food we could make into monster claws on Grammy night to serve to guests. I said cookie dough, then i saw this post!

    Gaga ate my heart, then she ate my brain.

  2. I’m going to start using my lesbianism as a defense against anything I do.

    “Ma’am, you were speeding”
    “That’s not possible, officer, I’m a lesbian.”
    “Oh. Have a nice day ma’am”

    “Jenny, I asked you to do the laundry yesterday!”
    “Dad! I’m a lesbian! Remember?”
    “…okay”

    Oh, if only.

  3. -There is a difference between fashion and foolish, however the line is faded.

    -Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have broken up about 83 times in 5 years. Brad was going back to Jennifer, Angelina was calling Billy Bob and having dinner with Jenny Schimizu, Angelina is staying for the kids, Brad is taking only the biological kids, etc.

    As the resident Angelina Joliologist, I can assure you all that they have not/are not breaking up. These stories are ridiculous, fabricated and boring. With everything they do you would think people would have something else to talk about. Esp. since ppl seem to want them to fail. Why would you want a relationship with children involved to fail?

    However, I kind of love how they have these stories every other month and they keep staying together. Its a slap in all the gossips and haters face!

    • They’re too happy together. This is my theory. My dad and stepmom married late in life, so they didn’t have the issue of changing and growing apart like yournger couples do, because they are old and pretty fixed in who they are by now. As a result, they’ve been together for ten years (married for six of those on Wednesday!), and still are loving, romantic, etc, with each other. The point in this is that when we’ve gone to picnics and such for the groups we’re members of, people unaware that I’m his daughter have said all sorts of things about the two of them that just made me crazy. People want reassurance that everybody is as miserable as they are.

      • Yes, they are, I love to see them together. They were both married before, made mistakes and (I think/hope) figured it out. When they first got together everyone was like it won’t last but as I said I know AJ like she is my BFF. From what I read/see I think Brad grounded(s) her and she makes him wilder and more daring. The give good balance and support to each other and have adorable kids.
        Also their daughter Shiloh is so dykeadellic, (http://justjared.buzznet.com/photo-gallery/2408701/angelina-jolie-whole-foods-grocery-shopping-04/) I love it!

          • ( just to clarify, I mean the people who are eager to spread such rumors or believe anything that is posted in the webs, not the average celebrity gawker such as most of us than can discern a thing or two as false or at least unlikely 😛 )

          • Wow. I missed that incident.. That is horrible.
            I like a little celebrity gossip as much as the next person, (mainly because i don;t have gossip/drama in my life), but when you just pull something out of your ass straight up lies, ugh!

    • I think it just says a lot about how out of control the media is, that untrue stories just spread for no reason everywhere and no-one ever like publishes proper corrections anymore. sigh.

  4. i still Brdd Pitt belongs with Jennifer Aniston, he got trapped in Angelina’s seductive eyes and lips and body and face…you get the point

    Kim Stolz was my favorite on America’s Next Top Model, that season had about 4 lesbians and she was the only one the was out and proud smh

    Feed me gaga cookies for breakfast,lunch and dinner *claw*

    P.S Gaga is having her one day haiti relief today, today every item that’s bought on her site..the profit will go to Haiti so buy your gear!!

  5. I can think of at least four that I know personally in the NYC area. I’m completely serious.

    (wait, I’m sorry, !, I just realized that information might fuck with your delusion that the girls you’re paying are genuinely into you outside of your commercial transaction. whoops!)

  6. It looks like the comment linking to the Room in Rome trailer is being temporarily (?) eaten by the system.

    But HOLY HELL. NSFW? NSFanywherewithin48hoursofW! That will definitely still be breaking my concentration by this time tomorrow and I teach 4 classes before then. :s

  7. It always irked me that the queer stuff in BSG was relegated to side material (like Razor/the webisodes). I’m glad they have the guts to put it in the show itself this time!

  8. Re: Mormons. More half truths and fact-less commentary by your blog. Why don’t you put something out there that is either defensible or true? The church never hid their involvement in Prop 8, and there have not been years of anti-gay teaching. I know what the facts are, but you obviously do not, nor do you seem to be interested in presenting them. This kind of pewtrid crap is to be expected from a blog like this one.

    Have a nice day.

  9. I feel like that Berlin fashion week is a weird episode of Punk’d. And I’m now inspired to go make cookies in a variety of shapes depicting my favorite celebrities, cartoon characters, and sexual objects/positions.

  10. Ange one said “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. It’s worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards. Neither Brad nor I have ever claimed that living together means to be chained together. We make sure that we never restrict each other.” —

    which hinted they are in an open relationship, so they just live together for the kids, what a perfect way to live a life!! They are perfect.

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