Do Lesbian Moms Make Better Parents? (Yup Sorry, NOM!)

cat_cora_300x400LESBIAN MOMS:Lesbians make better parents than heterosexual couples, according to a Government parenting adviser. Professor Stephen Scott, director of research at the National Academy for Parenting Practitioners, said evidence showed that children raised by gay women went on to do better in life.”

We could not agree more, because Autostraddle Associate Editor Laneia’s kids are super cute!

Over at the Daily Express UK, Jodie Foster is pictured with the caption “foster had two sons in a lesbian relationship,” which I’m sure she’s going to love. The article also discusses the opposition to this study:

Speaking last week, director of the research Stephen Scott said: “Lesbians make better parents than a man and a woman.” Campaigners Fathers4Justice attacked the study for failing to promote the role of fathers and laid blame for a pending “unprecedented social ­crisis” at the Government’s door.

A spokeswoman for the group said: “This Government has introduced a new gender apartheid where fathers are marginalised and excluded from their children’s lives whereas other types of parent are celebrated and promoted. ‘Father’ has become the new ‘F’ word.”

Firstly, we say BOO HOO, d-bags. Secondly, “Father” hasn’t become the new “F” word. But you know what does start with an “f”? For. Not “4,” but For. Hey, I am just looking for justice. Thirdly, yah, fathers are awesome, nothing against fathers … mothers are also awesome … really, so is anyone who steps up to the plate and raises children right. You keep on doing your thing as fathers and you will see that the research will follow. Sidenote; a lot of children these days are raised not by two mums, but by their mothers & grandmothers. So those Dads should get on top of that shit!

anniseparkerGAY MAYOR: Lest we get anything we want this election year, a small group of religious and conservative groups in Houston, Texas, have said they are concerned about a “gay takeover” of city hall and will begin a mail campaign to discourage voters from selecting Annise Parker. (@pink news uk)

GENETICS: In those genes: Scientists may be coming closer and closer to discovering the “gay gene,” but regardless of whether or not it can be genetically proven that you’re a homo, employers have no right to test you. Under the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act (GIN), employers are prohibited from running genetic tests on prospective employees for any reason. (@queerty)

MARRIAGE: California, here we come (again) A first effort to organize support for the repeal of Prop. 8 is starting in our favorite place…the Internet! A group called Love Honor Cherish is launching the Sign for Equality Campaign, an Internet petition that seeks to put Prop. 8 back on the state ballot next year. (@la times)

WHITE HOUSE: Dramz in the House: So everybody knows that many higher-ups in the White House support marriage equality, but it’s been kept as an open secret with the media, that is until Melody Barnes, one of Obama’s top advisors, came out (see what I did there?) in support of gay rights. Speaking about her LGBT acquaintances, she said “Based on the relationships I’ve had with friends and their relationships that I respect, the children that they’re raising, and that is something that I support.” (@huffington post)

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31 Comments

  1. Be careful with that research about lesbian moms being better. I’m a lesbian mom myself, and inclined to want us to be great, but the research cited in fact only says that we are no better and no worse than non-LGBT parents. One of the researchers (Abbie Goldberg at Clark U.) even told me directly that she is not saying lesbian parents are better–we have non-exclusive strengths in certain areas, but are no better and no worse overall. Putting LGBT parents in competition with non-LGBT parents is unproductive, IMHO. Each group may, on average, have differences–but let’s learn from each other, not set this up as a competition. Our kids will benefit. More in my post at Mombian.

    • Absolutely, we couldn’t agree more … like the post says, loving parents are loving parents, gender be damned.

      I suspect however that because gay couples cannot accidentally get preggers like straight people can, they tend to be more prepared for parenthood on the whole.

      Do you think the headlines proclaiming lesbians are better mothers are hurting the cause? I feel like most headlines are such exaggerations these days that having them exaggerated in our favor rather than against us is kinda cool sometimes.

    • I completely agree with you Dana. I will be the first to say that there is difference, but I hate when either side says that they are better. Because I know some ppl with f-up gay and straight parents. It doesn;t mater.

      But as Riese said, since gay parents have to plan to have children they are probably, on average, more prepared for parenthood.

    • Actually, lesbians have been fathering (by which I assume you mean parenting?) children for pretty much as long as there have been lesbians, which is the entire history of Western civilization (and probably before). So basically I think that it’s probably going to be fine, and you don’t even need to worry about it! If you have other questions, they can probably be answered by actually reading the research in question.

  2. Woah, there cowgirl. As a “lesbo” who will have kids some day (I’ll be sure to include you on my holiday card list), I sure as hell don’t want to be “fathering” anything. That’s nothing personal against fathers – I love mine – I just plan to do a whole lot of mothering. I would like to know what your “real” evidence is that heterosexuals (the majority) can parent any do any better than lesbians? I don’t think you have any. I was just pointing out that your argument is not awe-inspiring or anything. And, I personally don’t think it matters. But I do think it says something that there’s a chance that children raised by lesbians are prospering and are not, you know, “abnormal.”

    P.S. Why are you posting here instead of on your own site? Unless you are thinking of converting? I love me some lesbianmen.

  3. I would say it’s entirely possible – every single child that a gay couple has is a wanted child who they had to work hard to get. It’s slightly easier for the gay girls than the boys, but it still takes extra effort than a drunken one night stand. So yes, I would say, per captia, gay couples are better parents. However team hetero’s number is being driven down by the sheer number of accidental children they’re able to produce – who in worst case scenarios end up abused and neglected, but more often grow up sensing their parents’ resentment towards them. Gay people, on the whole, will NEVER have this problem because we can’t create little accidents within our relationships.

    That said, if you were to create a study that compared simply straight couples who really, really wanted their children to gay couples with children, the two would probably break even. So I doubt it has anything to do with being straight or gay, and everything to do with the quality of the home and love provided.

    As for Fathers4Justice, seriously? Instead of whining about how it’s so not fair to be a man in this society (seriously??), why don’t you focus on being a damn good father. And don’t turn around and blame women for the state of the holy hetero family (i.e. “I walked out on my kids because of feminism – my wife refused to fit into the specific mold I thought I was entitled too”). STFU, stop being pathetic, man up and take responsibility for your part in this mess. It takes two to tango. Also, stop worrying about the lesbians because they have nothing to do with, worry about the straight women.

  4. PS – it’s not that I don’t support fathers and their rights to their children. As a daughter with a wonderful father, I definitely would like to see more good dads have equal roles in their child’s lives. However, stop acting like lesbianism is some kind of NOW conspiracy to marginalize fathers by making all women keep men out of their families by being with women. If you have a beef, you have it with straight women. So drop it with this “OMG LESBIANS ATE MY BABY!!” bs.

  5. I’d like to point out though that women can have unplanned children with a man and then go on to discover she’s a lesbian and be with another woman, though I suppose probs that wouldnt’ change the stats much as whomever lady gets involves with a mother would need to be mentally prepared to mother.

    as for fathers4justice, he almost made me want to give up ever using all caps again, but then I was like no that’s stupid, i can’t let him keep me away from what i love, and i love all caps

    • Clearly, someone can always bring children to a relationship, or be assaulted or cheat or have some other kind of accident, but I’m talking about having children within a gay relationship. I can think of not conceivable way that a child who belonged to both gay parents from the start could ever be an unwanted child.

  6. Obviously a good parent is a good parent regardless of who they are in a relationship with. But gay parents probably raise children to be much more open minded (more often anyway), which is something that can only make the world better.

  7. I don’t know if healdines about lesbian moms being better parents hurt the movement but, damn, that’s a lot of pressure. As a lesbian mother myself, I feel like there is a lot of pressure on us because our families are often incredibly visible. Sometimes, my children behave in ways that mortify me. When my kid acts like an ungrateful privileged hun, I can never be sure if people will see that as the child’s behavior or the result of his family’s queerness. It’s a parent’s job to civilize kids but it’s also important to remember that children are individuals with minds of their own. No one wants their parenting put under a microscope and, as lesbians, I feel that we are sometimes under surveillance.

  8. Um, did anyone notice that in the Daily Mail article, the photo’s caption makes a point to say “posed by models”? That’s nice, as well. Let’s be sure no one interested in the article would mistake those women for lesbians – that would be a real tragedy.

  9. Aren’t our relationships before children already super visible? I can’t imagine what having kids would do to that. I’m the only lesbian that a lot of straight people know and that puts pressure on me to make my relationship look perfect. Having kids would put even more emphasis on having to represent healthy well-adjusted lesbianism. But kids can be embarrassing and sometimes I forget to do the dishes, and we all know where thy goes (I had to think for about five minutes for something we argue about, so there’s that). Anyway it happens.

  10. Oh c’mon, you can’t be supporting such a “finding”, do you? Let’s do a little switch on the title: “Straight parents make better parents” or “Lesbian mothers are worse at parenting”. Now won’t you sense the homophobia in such statements? If you do, then the same should go to this so called “finding”. It’s heterophobic, it’s quite discriminatory. If gays keep talking about equality, or nondiscrimination, then they shouldn’t be hypocrites.

  11. i’d like to start by saying that i am obvs a better mother than anyone ever on this planet or any neighboring planets. just ask my 4 year old – he’s in his room watching Sprout while i type on this computer. I LOVE THIS HEADLINE AND I LOVE ALL CAPS.
    the father of my children is complete dumbass, which actually says more about me than it does his parenting skills, i suppose, but i hate it when ppl say that children need fathers. children need love and attention and pants that fit and proper shoes and green vegetables and lots and lots of books. and 24-hr children’s programming HELLO.

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