We don’t know much, but we know we love them.

Litchfield, O Litchfield! How hast thee fared? Didst thou miss me? Much as I have learned over time to not only tolerate Piper but also genuinely enjoy what she brings to the show, a Piperless Litchfield is somehow the best Litchfield yet.

I look forward to your angry defensive comments re: the benefits of ingesting menstrual blood.

Spectacles rely on spectators, and I for one am not going to be pulled into this show anymore just to watch violence for the sake of violence. I can watch the news and do that, thanks.

“With one more episode in this heart-wrenching season, we are all still gasping for air and dreaming of justice.”

This is the largest portion of Season Two we’ve ever been served, and it is fracking DELICIOUS.

Mark your calendars for 13 straight hours of watching TV this summer.

“Tied To The Tracks” is a slow burn compared to the season’s first six episodes of Orange Is the New Black that mostly boasted a crowded ensemble acting out cruelly in the name of justice for Poussey.

After four episodes of chaos and lack of direction both within Litchfield and the overall arc of the season, Orange Is the New Black finally managed to pull it together enough to produce an episode worth watching (save for one MAJOR issue).

Netflix rained down a video clip from the season five premiere and a batch of promo photos for your homosexual enjoyment and speculation.

That’s the thing about racism: It doesn’t have to take the form of slurs or stump speeches. Yeah, it can look like a Cheeto with a mouth running for president. But it can also look like a Regular Guy walking around in an $1,100 suit.

Wherein in Alex Vause returns and we all collectively wet our pants.

Get me Chinese food, a Red Bull, and way too many blankets, stat!

Check out your favorite OITNB cast members talk about the complexity of their characters, the fun they had on set, and the relationships they fostered with the other actors.

Check out a sneak peek of the darker second season of “Orange is the New Black” now!

“Morello is apparently applying for a job as a 1940’s sailor, Leanne is going to be a shoulder pad model and Sophia is just being plain gorgeous.”

Melissa Harris-Perry interviewed Uzo Aduba, Kate Mulgrew, Laverne Cox and Piper Kerman on her show and Laverne Cox name-dropped Autostraddle and it was awesome.

“These women are angry, and rightfully so. They aren’t treated like humans. Their lives are taken away from them, sometimes literally, and they don’t even have names. They tried a peaceful protest and someone was killed. Their riot is righteous, but at the end of the day, they’re going to be the ones punished. There is no justice.”

Everyone gets their turn to be totally miserable.

Spoiler alert: Piper is the woooorst.