Remake Every Tom Cruise Movie With Tig Notaro, You Cowards

Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead trailer is here, and the whole internet is finally in on the fact that Tig Notaro is a stone cold fox. So, while everyone’s paying attention, let us publicly make the request we’ve been privately discussing for years: Remake every Tom Cruise movie with Tig Notaro, you cowards!

Tig Notaro as Maverick in Top Gun

Tig Notaro Photoshopped into Top Gun wearing in aviators and a flight jump suit

Tig Notato as Cole Trickle in Days of Thunder

Tig Notaro Photoshopped into Days of Thunder wearing a race car helmet and smiling

Tig Notaro as Jerry Maguire in Jerry Maguire

Renee Zellweger saying "You had me at hello" in Jerry Maguire Tig Notaro Photoshopped into Jerry Maguire wearing a flannel and leather jacket

Tig Notaro as Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible

Tig Notaro Photoshopped into Mission Impossible, hovering just above the floor on a zipline

Tig Notaro as Cage in The Edge of Tomorrow

Tig Notaro Photoshopped into The Edge of Tomorrow with Emily Blunt, wearing a robotic suit

Tig Notaro as Lt. Kaffee in A Few Good Men

Tig Notaro Photoshopped into A Few Good Men with Demi Moore wearing a Navy uniform

She’s got the range — see for yourself.

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Heather Hogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Heather has written 1718 articles for us.


  1. I did not know this was the thing I needed until I saw this and now this is the *only* thing I need.

  2. How can you forget Tom Cruise in Cocktail? It would also add that much needed lesbian energy to the Outsiders.

  3. Tig in Legend? Satan wouldn’t have a chance. Hasn’t been this roasted since Montero.

  4. So what I got from that trailer is that the zombies are straight and the good guys aren’t. Which is QUITE a metaphor and someone should write that movie for real!

  5. omg this is the amazingness I come to autostraddle for — not just the news (“trailer with tig comes out”) but the associated memeing and brilliance that will now make me queer a whole genre of formative films. thank you heather

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