Real L Word Episode 208 Recap: The Hardest Time to Write This Rhyme

Hello! Welcome to the recap for the 208th Episode of The Real L Word, a 30-minute situation comedy set in Miami Beach, Florida, where four previously married women live together as best friends, enjoying themselves despite hard times and sharing their various experiences. Topics include dildos, scissoring, and Metamucil.

This week on The Real L Word, everyone cried, including me. For once they weren’t the tears of embarrassment-by-proxy I cry when perfectly lovely respectable human lesbians masturbate on camera or run drunkenly into traffic or try to hump their girlfriend at the laundromat. Furthermore, my tears were not vampire tears:

My tears were tears of disappointment in myself for nearly shedding genuine tears at several emotional moments throughout this program, which is either a testament to the emotional prowess of sour diesel or to my devolving brain state.

Regardless I’ll be crying tears of joy next week when this shitshow finally grinds to a halt. Thank you Lord Jesus Chaiken, Amen.

this is what google image search turned up for “tears of joy”

Per ushe I would like to thank my lovely Intern Grace, who makes images for me even when they involve photoshopping Justin Bieber into a doorway or positioning a couple breaking up in outer space. Everything I ask Grace to do, she does. Just as an Intern should.


We open on the lean mean highways of Los Angeles, where our young homo Sajdah is zooming to the airport to retrieve her mother, who’s come all the way to Los Angeles for Parent’s Day at Gay LA Summer Camp. Upon arrival:

the girls at work told me lesbians love whiskey


god i love puppies

So, Sarita and Sajdah are besties ’cause she was 16 when Sajdah got born. Sajdah, still mourning losing Chanel to her own emotional baggage, is pleased as punch to see her Mom with her  literal baggage, etc.

Sajdah: “If I’m at my weakest point there’s nobody who can pick me up like my mother.”

This’ll be the first time Sarita will see Sajdah in full gay regalia: gay haircut, gay job, gay pants, gay interests and a super-gay tendency to ask girls she just met to pick out a condo with her.

i also suspect these camerapeople following me everywhere are also gay, though i’m not sure

Sarita got a sneak-peak of the main lez-show on her airplane flight over, from which the following hilarious conversation ensues:

Sarita: [pointing at a lebsian couple, pictured below] “Look those are the girls that I met on the plane. That is crazy.”
Sajdah: “You met lesbians on the plane?”

observe deplaning lesbians mating in the wild

Sarita: “Uh-huh. I said, ‘What’s your name?’ and she said ‘Ace’ and I said your mother didn’t name you that! She said–”
Sajdah: “Ashley.”
Sarita: “Ashley! How do you know?”
Sajdah: “Ace, Ashley. If it’s Ace it’s cause she had a girl name and she didn’t want it.”

Luckily Sajdah‘s got a name nobody can spell right, let alone assign a gender to.

just the two of us, we can make it if we try, just the two of us

Sajdah interviews that Sarita’s Mom was murdered a year after Sajdah‘s birth, which is horrifying and tragic and all the terrible words from the sad parts of Les Miserables, Flowers for Algernon and Beaches. Look at these cuties, modeling through it:


Over blessed lunch at the local cafe, Sajdah and Mom discuss the fallout with Chanel until Sajdah is overwhelmed by memories of Little Big Horn and cannot continue the conversation or finish her coleslaw.

being gay is depressing

Sarita “It was just too much too fast. I mean, not trying to sound cold but that’s just a part of life, that’s just the way it goes.”

In other words:


Sajdah explains:

because she was really hot. like really, really hot.

Mom seems, thus far, not especially uncomfortable about Sajdah‘s California-induced transformation, although she’s got some questions about what Sajdah‘s got in them jeans.

Mom: “What happened to your pants?”
Sajdah: “What?”
Sarita: “Them holes?”
Sajdah: “They’re made like this.”
Sarita: “You bought them in the store like that?”
Sajdah: “They’re hot.”

what, i saw whitney wearing them on the show, so

Kacy’s out to dinner/wine/brunch with her friend Drea, talking about sperm. Drea, dressed for a cool spring afternoon at St.Mary’s School For Wayward Girls, is a lez-baby expert ’cause she’s got twins.

but does your vagina ever go back to how it was

Kacy, having seen many documentaries on the topic (almost definitely The Business of Being Born) but especially this one…


… has certain ideas about the insemination process.

Kacy: “Did you guys have sex before the insemination?”
Drea: “No! This isn’t TV, we aren’t in the room like as we inseminate like fucking, eating her out. Sorry that didn’t happen. It was more like — this is so weird, don’t move, don’t move.”

i beg to differ

Kacy, who still wants everything to be perfect and nice and respectful of everybody’s uteruses and gender identities and pronouns and life cycles, isn’t into what Drea‘s dishing out. Like, for example, Drea says the process of getting knocked up took about a year and seven inseminations.

the many faces of lesbian pregnancy

Kacy: “Seven fucking times? Seven of those car rides? I mean, fuck man, that really put it into perspective.”

like “seven brides for seven brothers” but without brothers and only sperm

Kacy’s still digesting this info when Drea reminds her that first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage and then comes lawyers, nannies, adoption papers, school, the baker and the candlestick maker. It takes a village.

and don’t even get me started on the “spit up”


Francine’s in her kitchen preparing for her Tiki Torch Garden Party with her girlfriend, inconveniently named Khristianne [confession: I can’t spell], who’s putting way too much butter in the shrimp, putting Francine at risk for morbid obesity.

oh my god i can’t believe it is butter

The guests revel in the glory of the professionally landscaped backyard, which was more likely prepared by fairies and wood nymphs than it was by Romi, Kelsey, Rachel and Whitney. Who wants backyard advice from the people responsible for this:

flashback, warm nights almost left behind

Khristianne tells the group Francine’s Mom is coming to visit with the relish of an ambiguously-gendered girlfriend half-concerned about Francine’s torrential downpour of emotional havoc and half-excited by the upcoming boxing match better known as “coming out.”

This inspires Rachel to share a little story of her own and really the only part of that story you need to know is this part:

Rachel: “You know what Mom, you might do hair to be like me, but you don’t eat pussy to be like your big sister.”

this isn’t full house

Stone-Cold Kelsey is a rock/island throughout, Romi cheerfully suggests Francine do a ComingOut Power Point presentation (this probably would involve a lot of pictures of Claire) and Whitney does this observer thing she does when she shows up in somebody else’s storyline. It makes her seem like a replicant, apparently necessitating another Lower Third:

whitney fucking mixter needs a lower-third but robin roemer doesn’t?

Francine is watching the World Cup in her head:

ooooo ahhhhhh huhhhhh

After dinner Romi confesses to Whitney that Kelsey expressed dismay over the possibility of Romi spending dinner laughing with Whitney — hahaha remember that night with the creamed corn and the dildo and the cameras and the whole world flipped out lol hahhaaha — while meanwhile Kelsey would be forced to simmer with unmet desire for a Tequila Sunrise or flaming banana.

When you start joking with your ex-whatever (“ex-girlfriend” – lower third) about your current girlfriend’s jealousy of your relationship with your ex-whatever™ then you know it is O-V-E-R.


We return to Whitney’s Acropolis of Apple-Bottom Jeans where Whitney, impressed by her own popularity, has decided to use her Clam-Powers for Good rather than Evil. She wants to host a “Lesbian Field Day” to support “Charity” (Charity: it’s everyone’s favorite charity!) and she’ll be calling this calamity “The Pumps vs. Pants Showdown.”

and then afterwards, the more butch girls pin the more femme girls to the wall

Huh. I wonder who’s gonna win!?! Lest you forget the Whitney Mixter Definition of Pants from last season, she reminds us: “I’m pants because I know how to swing a hammer.”

maybe if i sit here long enough rachel will just mosey on up between my legs

Femmes take a little more time to do their eye makeup,” Whitney explains. That’s why Romi is the femmiest fem in all the femland. She could wear pants WITH pumps and nobody would dare second-guess her. Romi could swing a hammer while fucking a girl wearing a double-headed dildo and yelling “Call me Daddy!” and still — still even then, in that outlandish and pornographic and slightly unpleasant situation — her eyes would still give her away.

pump the jam

Speaking of eyes, Alyssa’s opening Whitney’s to the idea that Rachel’s a fucking mess and could use a motherfucking hand from her friend/ex-girlfriend/bathroom-cunnilingus partner, Whitney “The Hammer” Mixter.

sooo… basically “yes”

Alyssa: “I think she still wants to feel like somebody that you care about in real life.”
Whitney: “I do care about her.”

Although Whitney seems to be the last to recognize the destruction she’s fostered around her, she’s always open to being called out, especially by Alyssa or, at this point in her life, by thousands of angry internet lesbians. Whitney trusts everyone else is keeping better tabs on her behavior than she is, because they are.dotted-divider2

Now we’re at an abandoned warehouse that looks like communist Romania from the outside and Kelsey & Romi’s Chamber of Secrets from the inside.

note the CBS (which owns Showtime) situation in the back

Romi‘s got this potholder wrapped around her head and has torn up Stephanie Tanner’s mini-dress, re-fastened it with twine and dropped it over her hot-pink-braed body and she’s screaming at Kelsey in her outside voice. Kelsey looks like a bored hipster shoe salesman. It’s quite a scene.

how many fingers am i holding up. how many. i bet you don’t know YOU DRUNK LIZZZZARD

Apparently Kelsey imbibed a goblet of the evil vino while out with her Mom, against Romi‘s Rules of Sobriety, so of course all fresh hell breaks lose.

Romi: “You don’t see anything wrong in this. You don’t think you did anything wrong. Nothing.”
Kelsey: [silence]
Romi: “We made a promise to each other that we were not gonna drink and that you were gonna support me in my sobriety. Your first night away from me, you went and drank and then right before dinner which I fucking made dinner reservations had a whole night planned for us, you wanna casually throw out to me ‘Oh I had a glass of wine.
Kelsey: [silence]
Romi: “Maybe you don’t realize how much it meant to me. Maybe you don’t realize what I’m going through with this and that you promised me that you would do it with me and that you would stop drinking because you thought you had a problem. You’re a liar.”
Kelsey: “I had one glass of wine.”
Romi: “What if I said I had one glass of wine?”
Kelsey: “It was the situation. I didn’t just go to a random bar, I was hanging out with my sister–”
Romi: “I don’t care if you’re with your fucking Grandma!”
Kelsey: [leaves, probably wishing she’d had two glasses of wine]

Romi interviews that Kelsey essentially reaches for the sippy cup of Tanqueray whenever Romi looks the other way.

and merlot! you had fucking Merlot of all things!

Ultimately, Romi‘s in Saturn Return which’s the part of life where you try to get your shit together before you turn 30 (or recently thereafter). Romi‘s looking to escape the reckless abandon of Sapphic Youth, but Kelsey’s the team mascot.

Sometimes age is just a number, but 23 and 29 isn’t always fine and often leads to a glass of wine.

and also wash that bowl you had oatmeal in earlier, you know how i feel about that


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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3211 articles for us.


  1. I saw the episode a couple of days ago online. I thought it was pretty sad. I don’t wish anything bad against anybody. I just felt that this whole season was a big downer. Then again, it had its moments. I noticed that Whitney doesn’t blog about the show anymore. I am with you, Reise. I will be glad when it is all over too. I am burned out from this show. I wish all the cast members the best with their lives. Peace.

  2. i felt so uncomfortable watching this because it was so fucking personal. also, there was a cricket that was loose in the house and it kept chirping during whitney and rachel’s scene which made the awkward pauses even more awkward.

  3. Riese thanks for keeping up with this for our entertainment. I have to admit I’ve been waiting for your recap as this episode left me with a weird sensation.

    Kudos to Kacy for handling her wife so calmly. Romi this ep: wtf?. Whitney sometimes makes me believe she really is a good person and then something happens.

    I loved all the surprising guests you proposed… brilliant!

  4. Rachel’s scene: cry cry cry think about how it relates to you, cry cry cry and decide to try and go back to therapy


  5. Bitching about your girlfriend with your ex-whatever’s pretty low, yo. Then breaking up with your girlfriend and hooking up with your ex right after is …

  6. the fucking fuck. didn’t see that coming.

    you guys, that’s how babies are made.

  7. Wow, Romi is pretty heartless. I mean, Kelsey can actually WATCH this back. Also, next week’s episode actually looks GOOD!

  8. WHOA! :O

    Also- Kinda glad that Romi and Kelsey broke it off. Kelsey has a lot of growing up to do…Most of all- she has to learn how to keep a job & care for herself before entering another relationship.

    • I’m also glad that it’s over. Though I’d wager that also Romi has a lot of growing up to do.
      All her complaining bout how she has to take care of Kelsey and basically putting the blame for that on Kels… Romi put herself into that position of mommy-ing her girlfriend… her wanting Kelsey to text her that same night, so she could know she’s alright is a good example for that…
      As much as Romi doesn’t want to take care of her girlfriend I believe she herself wants to be taken care of. Wonder how that hookup with Whitney will play out.

    • i completely agree. kelsey may not have to stop drinking but she most certainly should get her shit together, get a job, and start supporting herself. 23 is young but she’s still an adult.

  9. I once knew a guy named the warhammer
    And he told me he had friends in the slammer
    The one good thing about him was his meat
    Which he supplied to all of us which was no easy feat
    I’m not talking about the thing that Whitney used as a model
    Mine is more along the lines of that thing that used to stand in a field and dawdle
    It would be easier to say that I’m talking about a cow
    But forget that because these girls need to take a bow
    I’ve never seen this much drama in my life
    Hopefully Chaiken won’t make me live through it thrice!

  10. Sajdah’s mom is pretty awesome. I wish everyone’s mom could have that same positive acceptance.

    The Surprise Guests were the best thing about this recap, aside from: “That’s why Romi is the femmiest fem in all the femland. She could wear pants WITH pumps and nobody would dare second-guess her. Romi could swing a hammer while fucking a girl wearing a double-headed dildo and yelling “Call me Daddy!” and still — still even then, in that outlandish and pornographic and slightly unpleasant situation — her eyes would still give her away.”

    I feel like this episode had waaayy too much going on. Just so many feelings, urrrgghhh!

  11. There’s probably somewhere else that has this information but…. where’s the best/easiest place to find these episodes online? After catching all the recaps this season, I feel that I may need to actually see an episode.

    • As always comments linking to or discussing illegal video sites will be(and have been) deleted but also, I don’t recommend watching this show even just to see how horrible it is. So many facepalm moments.

  12. The “who’s at the door” bit was pure genius!
    Just think, only one more episode to recap! You can do it!

  13. I don’t watch TFS, I only read the recaps. Sooooo, why does that dildo look flesh colored in a couple of pics, and blue in the other one? Color me confused.

  14. “Hi, I’m Ilene Chaiken” – Lmao!

    I’m sorry but this episode gave me another reason to cringe every time Romi was onscreen. How dare her slow but sincere girlfriend have a glass of wine, while she bangs Whitney whose dreads probably reek of alcohol from a mile away? The writers on this show suckkkkkkkkk!

  15. “Whitney trusts everyone else is keeping better tabs on her behavior than she is, because they are.”

    The truth, you speak it Riese.

    Romi is a class act. And Kelsey might as well have had the whole bottle for the price of one glass it seems. Fuck girl, grab some brie, a baguette, lock yourself in the cellar and make it a weekend.

    Other than that, I like Kacy. Kacy can stay.

  16. the inseminator is back!
    and yeah, now i can totally see how they needed to make a mold of whitney’s friends wang instead of just drilling the appropriate holes for the catheter into an ordinary off the shelve dildo. NOT.
    at least it comes in a nice shade of hulk green.

    • It was explained in the recap of the episode when the inseminator was introduced that they couldn’t use a regular dildo because of copyright issues. I think if it works, the idea is to actually sell this as their own product which is why they can’t use already existing dildos.

      • “The Inseminator” sounds like a wrestler/superhero/villan type thing. one or two or maybe all three of those.

        but I dont think I would want to be around it.

      • Totally agree with you, Jessie.
        Can’t deny I’m somewhat pissed off with the inseminator’s creators.
        Getting that bogus explanation of copyright infringement and hygenic issues for having to endure that craptacular fest-o-wang felt like an insult to my common sense and sucked. But I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they indeed did some research which we didn’t get to see ‘n’ all that jazz.
        And now all that deep deep research amounts to a catheter?!

        I think Alyssa and Whitney very well know how reality tv works and play the game – making up an interesting storyline (latching on to kacy&cori’s), providing enticing visuals (penis galore) and milk it (selling the inseminator).

        Hence I consider it legitimate to criticize them for the storyline they provided just as much as ifc.
        In this case it read: dykes just can’t do without a penis. Also women have penis envy.
        It’s old, it’s lame and I’m effing sick of it.
        I just wanna hurl book copies of Judith Butler at’em. At high velocity.
        It’s not about the penis, you nincompoops, it’s about the phallus! (And in comparison to that penis looses.)

        Going with a living penis model instead of molding their own dildo from scratch was entirely their decision. It makes for ‘interesting’ footage, maybe they prefer very penis-like looking dildos themselves (I don’t wanna know!) or assume dildo-using dykes do. Whichever way in doing so they pushed that age-old trite theme of the dance around the male’s dong.

        • I don’t really understand your anger with Whitney and Alyssa. Sure, the producers milked the whole inseminator thing and totally turned it into something to keep the large male fan base entertained but I think Whitney and Alyssa created it with good intentions. Sure, it may just be a dick mold and a catheter but there’s nothing else on the market like that, so it needed to be created. I mean, isn’t that what Whitney said from the beginning? It’s so simple it seems ridiculous that it didn’t already exist. Some of the greatest inventions are the simplest, just look at the snuggie! Just because the solution to the problem was simple doesn’t mean this was an unnecessary invention or that they didn’t do their research.

          And while you may feel that the inclusion of the dildo at all was unnecessary we saw that Kacy wanted to be involved in the process in this way, they went looking for a product exactly like this and couldn’t find one. I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone to judge her decision or what would make her feel more comfortable. I know personally that if I was trying to have a baby my girlfriend would definitely want the inseminator and it would be extremely important to her. It’s not about penis envy, it’s about wanting to be involved in the process in a more “natural way.” With a product like this a woman or a trans* man could actually impregnate their partner themselves in the middle of a sexual act as opposed to in an office or with a turkey baster or, god forbid, an anal douche. While some people may say that the desire to do that is just some ingrained heteronormative idea of how a baby should be made I think it’s up to the individuals to make that decision themselves.

          The summarize this extremely long comment: Some people are going to be really glad for the inseminator and I think Whitney and Alyssa knew that when they created it. With the producers did with their good intentions is the fault of the show, not them.

          • Maybe there are some misunderstandings.

            I think it’s Alyssa and Whitney who milk(ed) the inseminator thing. (And in general (try to) use being part of this tv show as a platform for other business endeavors. The show’s a vehicle to make money.)

            I don’t think the inclusion of the dildo is unnecessary, but of the penis/Caes/the dipping of the no-no parts. To make an ejaculating or in this case inseminating dildo a penis(!) is simply not necessary. At all.
            My critique gears at W&A chosing to go the route of dipping no-no parts. Which does it’s part in reinforcing age old narratives of penis envy, heteronormativity yadda yadda fishcakes. Or as Riese wittingly put it in her recap “Whitney’s hatched a plan to help Cori & Kacy get preggers “the natural way.” Obviously this involves a penis, which is the Superior Method of Conception.”
            That’s one thing that has me throwing hissy fits.

            The other thing’s Alyssa wrote “I could have molded something out of clay first to cast, but PLEASE PEOPLE… REMEMBER WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE ENTERTAINING, FUNNY, INSANE moments that people will remember.” (her caps, not mine) and thus admitted that they are very well aware of the tv format/genre they (Whitney and Alyssa) are in and casting themselves as stakeholders/knowingly, deliberately acting (as in ‘to take action’) protagonists.
            As thus I think it is admissible they may bear the brunt of the criticism of this fab ‘lez representation’ they’re cooking up. In this case it’s defo not just IFC or ‘the producers’.

            In no way do I judge how Cori and Kacy go about conceiving their child(ren). Whether they (wish to) use an inseminating dildo (or which shape it has) I did not discuss.
            (Btw, when my partner and I will try to have a kid, there is a very high probability that one of her favorite dildos will get drilled for the catheter plumbing. With that variety of dildos on the market for that huge variety of preferences of all the different lesbian vaginas out there…)

  17. I was so surprised when Sajdah’s Mom showed up bald because on that one episode she was all like:

    “I ain’t on the bottom of nothing, You ain’t pulling my hair out. No, I ain’t on the bottom of nothing.”

    I was legit confused, I think I have OCD.

    Anyway, loved this recap, especially the ‘who is it’ part at the end. It was suspenseful even though I knew who it actually was.

  18. oh riese, every trlw recap you write just convinces me further that you are actually a great queer warrior sent to earth to protect us all from ilene and the pain of having to watch this show in real life.

  19. ugh really? Romi just seems so cold.
    Kelsey can come drink wine with me anytime.
    Sorry I even on the recaps I just kind of skip over all the baby parts. I really wish they fleshed those girls out at least a little bit more. I know there has to be more to them then sperm.

    • Kelsey acts like a stoned 14 year old boy. Her girlfriend is going through a detox and Romi did say that they should break up. It was Kelsey who said that she wanted to give up drinking for their relationship. Romi is obvs not perfect, but why is everyone Team Kelsey. That girl needs to get her shit together.

      • wellllllll i don’t think berating your girlfriend on a day to day basis about her lack of moneys (p.s. unemployment in california is 11.8%) and adultness and not treating you to things you know she can’t afford is pretty damn lame. also didn’t she like do the cooking, cleaning, and beer runs, shit i’d love a girlfriend that would do all of that without being asked. anyway if there is one good thing ifc is doing is giving these people another stream of cash flow.

        on the other hand i do think kelsey needs to get her shit together, maybe go back to school or just try no fly solo for a bit and pick herself up from this messy break up. but at the end of the day…i have no real fucks to give, they can do whatever it’s not really affecting me (as long as mr isn’t involved, obsession begins now)

      • I speak only from recaps as I haven’t watch the show,or previews or really anything(which means really I have no idea what is going on). I just see pictures and well Kelsey is cute and I have a thing for stoned like personalities so maybe that’s my attraction. Really it’s just that Romi always seems so mean to her, berating her either to her face or to anyone that will listen. And yeah Kelsey is young but she does seem like she’s trying, having a glass of wine with family is not the same as getting drunk.

      • 1. Like many said, Romi was constantly putting Kelsey down. Yes, Kelsey needs to get her shit together, but as a girlfriend it’s more important to help and support (notnecessarily financially) her, or try to get help for her, rather than constantly berate and complain about her, especially in front of family and friends (AND ON CAMERA!).
        2. Romi obviously wanted to break up with Kelsey a loooonng time ago (that was probably why they were not having sex), and this whole drink thing is an excuse for it
        3. Kelsey DID stop drinking with her. She had ONE glass of wine while she was away, when Romi wasn’t even around. Obviously she did not do it out of spite, nor did because she was addicted to it, it was just the situation. And she was honest about it (she very well could have lied).
        4. Apart from helping support Kelsey financially, Romi is pretty self-centered, everything has to be done her way (because she’s older?), everything is dictated on her terms. Whatever Kelsey says gets dismissed as because she’s young or she doesn’t see it yet, etc. Kelsey was completely right when she said that Romi cares more about herself than everyone else, she is pretty selfish and Kelsey was giving A LOT of herself for Romi.
        5. Remember the first few episodes, Romi just wouldn’t put out? then BAM! right after the break up SEX WITH WHITNEY. (Who also drinks, btw.) Add to that how she gossiped about Kelsey with Whitney at Francine’s party? That whole ending was messed up.

  20. The picture captions are probably my favorite part.

    Also, the word “banglets”.

    Thank you Riese.

  21. I really enjoyed this episode. I know that’s a terrible thing to say but it was really touching.

    • also, didn’t everyone see this whole romi whitney thing coming??? I mean those nights out with whit talking about how kelsey is too young and not on the same page and can’t take care of romi like a princess…..and then they cut to whitney (in that same episode) where she talks about liking to take care of girls and buying them things like princesse…. i mean no surprise here

      • yeah it has seemed pretty obvious Romi was pushing Kels away and trying to get back in with Whitney (and Whitney just seems to want it because well shes Whitney does she say no? hit it once then leave it till it finds something new), which seems like a really bad decision on her part but whatevas

  22. Kelsey KILLED IT in this episode. Between the perfectly timed “I feel sick” and “I NEED I NEED I NEED”, it was the best.

  23. LMAO! that laughs-with-ex-whatever was hilarious, but once dogs came into picture… priceless :D It actually makes me want to watch the episode so I could re-experience this recap :D

  24. I loved how Kelsey handled that breakup. She finally redeemed herself for me in this episode. I realiZe the show is edited, but damn romi came off as crazy, selfish and manipulative (to me). She constantly made condensing comments to her or spoke disparagingly about her to others. It didn’t seem like she respected Kelsey. If there’s a season 3 I hope kelseys on it. I also hope she doesn’t try to get back with romi- but it looks like she’s with dani Campbell now?

  25. 3 days and then this lesbo madness is over! Thank the lord and sensible TV execs for not ordering more than 10 eps this season!

  26. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is one of the creepiest movies ever made. My mom thought it was romantic until I asked her how she would handle me getting kidnapped by a mountain man for the purposes of shacking up/falling in love/producing babies. “Oh… I never thought about is THAT way /sadface.” Krystle 1 Mom 0 (for once).

  27. Reise, I really like what you wrote about, “Every year the chances of coming out without totally destroying your entire life/family seem slightly higher.” I feel that way sometimes. What a wonderfully exciting, emotionally taxing feeling that is.

  28. okay this line is cold and hilarious at the same time: Hi, I’m Ilene Chaiken, director, producer, and executive creator of Showtime’s lowest-rated series, The Real L Word. LMAO!DAMN, THAT WAS FUNNY.

    anyway, i loved all the scenes with sajdah’s mom. for the first time, i truly saw the sweet and respectful side of sajdah because she was in her mother’s presence. and i’m happy her mom seems to be coming to terms with saj’s sexuality.
    romi was being manipulative and selfish to get kelsey to stop drinking and kelsey is a grown adult who seems like she’s high as a kite, can’t keep a job, and can’t support herself. romi was controlling and kelsey was co-dependent. they needed to seperate. i do have to say that i thought it was disrespectful for romi to be talking about kelsey behind her back to whitney.
    and whitney and romi hooking up again…huh? and why? i’m not sure why romi would want to go back down that road again, because it didn’t seem like she could handle whitney the first time.
    rachel’s situation is very upsetting and frightening. i’m mad at whitney for not paying attention to her until she was at a crisis point and suicidal. i hope rachel got the help she needed, during the show and after the show.

    • I feel like Rachel wants Whitney, bad, but she can’t admit it. (Following her to SF? Constantly waiting for hook-up opportunities? Getting fucked up on pills and mixing it with drinks to get Whitney’s attention?) Whitney can sense it, and that’s why she was keeping her distance. Well, of course, that, and the fact that Rachel won’t acknowledge that she has a pill/alcohol/addiction problem. Part of Rachel’s problem IS Whitney as well.

  29. Can we talk about Romi’s hair at the end of the episode? Did I dream that weave?

    By the way, I wonder why no one has commented on Francine’s relationship with this Kristhianne(sp?) She seems to have moved at the same rate that Sajdah did with Chanel. One episode they’re just meeting, then the next she has a lower third as “Francine’s Girlfriend”

    • I only read the recaps but I think Romi’s hair has evolved into a sentient character in and of itself.

      • does that mean her hair gets a lower third and they’re gonna go into that one room and talk about feelings and stuff?

        maybe that will be chaiken’s next show.

        The Real L Word Haircuts.

    • “One episode they’re just meeting, then the next she has a lower third as “Francine’s Girlfriend”

      true. i wondered about this too. i think the reason a lot of people aren’t discussing francine’s uhauling ridiculousness as much as sajdah’s is because for the majority of episodes francine was seen directly in relation to claire and most of her drama involved claire. now francine is seen more independently of claire. and i also think more screentime is given to sajdah then francine.

    • she had vivian wash and brush her hair until it looked like a luscious lion’s mane
      ifc doesn’t have time for that

  30. WAIT CORI AND KACY I HAVE A BETTER IDEA WHY DON’T YOU JUST ASK CAES YOURSELVES?!?!?!??!?!?!!!!!! he seems nice enough, big of wang and generous of character.

  31. this comment has been deleted because it breaks the rule of never to make fun of or criticize a woman’s innate physical appearance

  32. if it weren’t for these super awesome recaps,
    this show is so

  33. I want a flipbook made of all the people who could possibly be knocking on Whitney’s door, that was pretty fantastic. Except… the Kool-Aid man doesn’t knock. He just bursts through your wall and yells “OH YEA!”

    Everyone needs to stop wearing poodle sweaters on their heads. Stop it. Now.

  34. That end recap of who was at the door was hilarious. But yeah, Stevie Wonder could have seen that Romi/Whitney hookup coming. Whitney suggestively smirks at Romi everytime she looks at her. Interesting how Kelsey had to beg Romi for sex, but Romi doesn’t hesitate to give it up to Whitney.

  35. The “who is at the door” was completely, wonderful hilarious. And the “deplaning lesbians.” And the “just like jesus!” also excellent, possibly my fave, so many excellent goings-on here. and was this like a particularly jew-y recap, or am i being a crazy person?

    • i probably should have spent a couple more seconds thinking about how to phrase that question.

      i don’t think i’m in any condition to be interacting with people at the moment, oh man.

    • maybe i was feeling really jewish this week

      my gf also laughed at “deplaning lesbians,” it’s interesting to me when jokes i write are unexpectedly more funny to people than i imagined they’d be

  36. Love the door montage, though I’m thinking that Real Players of the USWNT should be a show with Pinoe as the star of the show. The world needs more Pinoe gifs and pictures.

  37. I give Kacy credit for not flipping out when Cori suggested sleeping with a man as a baby-making option. I think I would have walked out at that. What an incredible insult, not just to their relationship, but to Kacy’s butch ID.

    • I don’t think Cori was suggesting sleeping with a man, she was suggesting going back to their original idea of getting one of their male friends/a real person to donate sperm, as opposed to buying anonymous sperm from a sperm bank.

  38. The best part of this week was the lack of Claire. She annoys the shit out of me. Sadly, I know her return is inevitable for the season finale.

  39. By the way, I almost forgot to add that the Golden Girls intro was the second best thing ever. This recap was bookended by the best things ever. Just. The Best.

  40. This is why I love AS:
    1) because one moment you can say
    “This is like Our Generation’s Problem — we’re all crying, we all need therapy, and we can’t afford it.”
    which are some of the realest words I’ve ever felt
    2) and the next you can say
    “Learning Japanese I think she’s learning Japanese I really think so. Learning Japanese I think she’s learning Japanese I really think so.”
    which is just funny
    3) then
    “I love how Francine’s got her sunglasses perched up on her head like that. You never know when sun’s gonna hit.”
    another funny statement
    4) before
    “Wow I am really tired of writing this recap”
    so honest.
    5) and finally ending on Romi after the most magnificent montage ever.
    Maybe it’s just the vino or brandy talking but i think i’ve finally realized i love AS so much because it’s REAL. and not like Real L Word real, like actually real. honest, funny, good stuff. anyways thanks friends

  41. This show: proving that even if you come out and introduce your parents to your brand-spankin-new ubergay lifestyle, the first thing your mom will mention will still be the holes in your jeans. “You bought them like that? Why would you pay for jeans that already need to be patched?”


  42. Did not see the ending coming at all. Romi and Whitney is a match-made in selfish bitch heaven.

  43. hilarious recap and a special shoutout to the alt-text on the photos I completely lost it at “we know”

  44. I am very glad on how Kelsey handled the breakup with Romi. I will give her a high five for that. However, I do think that Romi hooking up with Whitney at the end of the episode was very tacky.

    • just quickyl wanna point out to you that your pic does show the name and phone number of one of the ppls involved in the chat… prob not intended?

  45. I wish my ears were working correctly when I thought I heard Kacy say “I have to go tickle my wife.” That would be a hilarious way to end a fight.

  46. Can I just say that I freaking love Sarita!? The fact that she thought the “gay-friendly” church would be Homo Central and everyone would “look” gay cracked me up! Well, that and the Jack Daniels on the plane. MOAR RITA.

  47. LOL at the door pictures. I didn’t even see the episode (because why the fuck would I watch this show?) but that made me laugh. It also made me feel extremely conflicted. I would open the door for almost all of those people… Santana, Emily, the Kool-Aid guy. But I think I’d go with Megan Rapinoe. Win!

    • I just googled Megan Rapinoe and she has come out publicly. Not that I didn’t “know,” but this makes me happy. I love her. She’s so great.

      • asdrkslkskdfj megan rapinoe has come out?!
        Links! I beg you. Cuz I didn’t come across such Google wonder.

  48. Someone tell Romi to get over herself. Kelsey has the right to a frikking drink with her family once in a while without her dominator of a girlfriend making her feel guilty about it.

    It’s good to have support from your other half, but geez its ROMI with the drinking problem. Take a fecking chill pill. ugh I HATE THAT WOMAN, I CANT STAND HER FAKE ATTITUDE. and then she bitches to whitney about her.

    she’s meant to b your girlfriend romi, not your personal bitch.

    i am officially taking this stupid show way-too-seriously

  49. Somehow I knew that Romi and Whitney were going to happen again, somehow. Honestly, I’m sure Kelsey was sick enough of Romi yelling at her that I don’t know if she’ll care.

    That’s probably going to be awkward though. How long did she even wait, a few hours?

  50. I cried like a baby three times this episode..damn you Ilene! Cori/Kasey, Saj/her mom, and Whitney/Rachel. As much as I believe some things are scripted, those three moments felt very real.

    Favorite LifetimeTV moments: When Cori & Kasey are arguing and Cori walks off, Kasey’s instant reaction was ‘I have to check on my wife’. In that moment, it was about her relationship and not about filming a reality show. I love how Kasey is always very aware of how her partner feels and seem to always know how to respond in a way that gets her point across but not alienate her partner. Next favorite moment was when Saj & her mom where in bed talking and Saj just starts crying and lays in her mom’s arms. You are never to old to need your mom and get that validation that no matter what you choose to do with your life, your mom is always there to give you a hug and a kiss. I am a grown married mother of two and there are so many times I just want that affirming love from my mother. Maybe it’s because my relationship with my mom is so not what I need it to be, that’s why that moment struck a cord

  51. I can’t believe it’s been a whole week and no one’s pointed out that Romi looks exactly like Boy George now.

  52. Ok aside this episode being super sad and really emotional, I’m crying laughing at this recap. So insanely funny! x

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