Quiz: Who’s Your Mommi?

Feature image credit: photo of Niecy Nash by Matt Winkelmeyer / Staff via Getty Images; photo of Gillian Anderson by JOEL SAGET / Contributor via Getty Images; photo of Cassandra Peterson by Rodin Eckenroth / Contributor via Getty Images; photo of Drew Barrymore by Gilbert Carrasquillo / Contributor via Getty Images

In honor of the news that Drew Barrymore is Aubrey Plaza’s mommi and Natasha Lyonne is her daddy, it’s time for a sexy game of *extremely game show announcer voice* Who’s! Your! Mommi! Answer some questions and find out what older famous queer woman you belong to, baby!

Has anyone else noticed the disturbing TikTok + Instagram trend of people being like “YEAH I like OLDER WOMEN and MILFS” and then proceeding to list women who are under 40-years-old????? I saw a video of someone saying Lili Reinhart is mommi, and look is Lili gorgeous and talented? Yes. But she is also 26-years-old. What is this, MILF-appreciation AMATEUR HOUR? I am absolutely of the belief that one does not actually have to be a mother in order to be a MILF energetically, but I cannot stand idly and watch as people who claim to love “older women” apparently also believe women do not live past the age of 35. As such, the mommis on this list — in addition to all being gay, bisexual, or queer duh — are all over the age of 45, many of them older than half a century, because that is what I believe to be true and right in my religion of MILF appreciation.

I had to make some tough calls on who is mommi and who is daddy when choosing possible results for this quiz, and IT WAS STRESSFUL!!!!! So please do not critique my choices!!!!! Also, yes, I will obviously follow this quiz up with a Who’s Your Daddy one but only if you are good!!!!!!


A beautiful older woman is making breakfast for you. What are you having?(Required)
Pick a mean mom from TV:(Required)
What sign scares you the most?(Required)
If you were a housewife/housepartner/etc. who did not have to work and lived a life of luxury, how would you spend your days?(Required)
Pick a homoerotic screenshot from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:(Required)
What playlist title I just made up speaks the most to you?(Required)
Pick a bag:(Required)
Your Mommi is taking you on a fancy vacation! What are you reading poolside?(Required)
What’s your favorite Aubrey Plaza performance?(Required)
Who’s your “”straight”” Mommi?(Required)
What's the sexiest fruit?(Required)
What should I (as in me, the maker of this quiz, who is for some reason determined to break the fourth wall throughout this) eat for lunch?(Required)
Pick a Queerleader:(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 846 articles for us.

31 Comments

  1. When I got Tawny Cyprus I actually loud clapped and cheered from my kitchen table as if I won the super bowl (because I did).

    Kayla the 4th wall breaking was so funny and perfect, chef’s kiss.

  2. IN CASE anyone was wondering, for lunch today i got a big and colorful salad as well as fancy cheese fries but whatever ends up being the most popular answer for that Q will be what i eat tomorrow ok thank u

  3. Can’t believe you made me choose between Sandra Oh and Laura Dern Kayla!! (Eventually went with Sandra)

    I got Drew Barrymore, which is fine, but I am jealous of people who got Tawny Cypress!!

  4. I’m so excited I got Drew Barrymore! That conversation/flirting/whatever that was between her & Aubrey Plaza that you so helpfully linked to in the results broke my brain. Like what even was that!?!?!?!

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