Quiz: Which Cannibal Are You?

In honor of Yellowjackets, I thought I’d ask an important question: Which cannibal from pop culture are you? Don’t worry; I won’t include any violent/bloody/graphic images. But if cannibalism in general makes you ultra squeamish, then mayhaps this is not the quiz for you. While the quiz is indeed inspired by Yellowjackets, less than half of the potential results are Yellowjackets characters. I pulled from a variety of cannibalism art, which I believe we’re living in a golden era of. I tried to stick to queer or queer-coded cannibals, because I do think my obsession with cannibalism is a distinctly queer fixation. And yes my fiancé keeps demanding I stop talking about cannibalism so much because “she’s scared.”

ANYWAY!!!!!!!!

Let’s find out: Who is your cannibal alter ego?


How would you best describe your favorite meals?(Required)
Pick a sauce:(Required)
Say you have an, um, chewy piece of meat you need to cook. What cooking method are you going with?(Required)
What kind of specialty meat jerky would you like to try?(Required)
Pick a chain restaurant:(Required)
What burger order sounds the best to you?(Required)
Choose a song:(Required)
Who do you think the Antler Queen is on Yellowjackets?(Required)
Choose something to have for dinner:(Required)
Choose a mushroom:(Required)
What kitchen tool/appliance would you love to be gifted a fancy version of?(Required)
Choose a disturbing movie to watch:(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 813 articles for us.

16 Comments

  1. Misty Quigley!

    Also, I must say that the lack of mayo as a condiment for meat is so sad. Roast beef, chicken patties, corned beef, hamburgers, and even fries, go so much better with some mayo.

  2. Justine from Raw: “You might be vegan or vegetarian, but that doesn’t apply to human flesh!” (This cracks me up because I have an ex who used to say “I’m vegetarian but make an exception for humans.”)

  3. I got Shauna but I haven’t watched Yellowjackets.

    I don’t think I’ve watched any cannibalism movies, unless Fried Green Tomatoes counts. In my heart, I know I’m an Idgie.

  4. Taissa Turner: You might think you’re too good for cannibalism, but *Van voice* “Tai, you ate her face.”

    I feel compelled to defend myself against these scurrilous accusations. I have *never* thought myself too good for a little people munching.

    If things don’t work out my #1 fallback plan is to leave the big city, become an ambiguously-gendered small-town eccentric and host mysterious yet undeniably homoerotic maenad-themed dinner parties. I *will* be found devoured after my guests fall into a frenzy (forced them to watch The L Word).

  5. I have, like, a couple dozen different fetishes, half of which fall in “dark and disturbing” territory, and of course that includes cannibalism. Rather than repress them, like I tried when I was younger and didn’t go well, I now treat them with indifference, like it’s just weird things which randomly happen in my subconscious sometimes, whatever, doesn’t mean anything.

    Which, as it turns out, might just be another form of denial, because just this Easter I found that I enjoy play biting during sex way too much, while my subconscious was going into overdrive imagining that I was ripping the flesh off my partner’s body (of course that was not actually happening, I barely left any marks). So okay, some small part of me which is strongly tied to my sexuality perhaps genuinely desires to be a depraved predator, but if so it still doesn’t get to be the boss of the rest of me, ever.

    Oh and I got Shauna Shipman, which, based on what I read in an article just now (I don’t watch the show), seems to have a somewhat similar conflict going on, so I guess that fits.

  6. Deeply upset that the options of sauces did not include tzatziki sauce. Also I can’t believe I had to choose between vegan butternut squash soup and steak and baked potatoes. A difficult decision. This quiz was really fun despite being about cannibalism!

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