Quiz: What’s Your Fate in a Zombie Movie?

Happy Halloween! I’ve made another fun little horror quiz for you, because ’tis the season! This time, we’re talking zombie horror, and it means most of you are going to die. But maybe you’ll get at least a few brain jabs in before meeting your demise. As a note, the character images used in the results do not necessarily directly correspond with your fate, because I wanted to avoid spoilers where possible and pick characters from lots of different zombie movies and shows. Okay, on with the show! Remember: Aim for the brain!


You and a group of your friends are on a road trip and listening to the radio, but the music is abruptly interrupted by a weird breaking news report. You catch something about a quarantine, containment, infectious disease, maybe cannibalism? The undead?! Could you have heard that correctly? What’s the move?(Required)
Time for the opening montage sequence! A freeze frame of your face is overlaid with your name and a fun zombie movie tag. Example: KAYLA / The Team Mom. What is your tag?(Required)
Someone turns the radio off, and you and your friends do start talking about what you would bring to the table in the event of a hypothetical—def NOT happening for real no way!—zombie apocalypse. In a nutshell, what would you say your strength is?(Required)
You start to near a small town, but something looks off. There’s no one outside, and houses are boarded up. What do you do?(Required)
The group takes a vote and decides to turn around. That roadside bar a few miles back looked somewhat less apocalyptic compared to this town, so you can head there to regroup. Someone hands you the aux cord in the meantime. What 80s song are you putting on for you to all sing along to and take your minds off the creepiness?(Required)
Your crew pulls up to the bar. When you walk in, everything looks pretty normal. Some folks shooting pool, people drinking at scattered stools and tables, etc. And the bartender is pretty cute. What’s your first move here?(Required)
You end up talking to the bartender and casually ask her about zombies. It turns out she knows a lot about them. She shows you the double-barrel shotgun she keeps behind the bar “just in case.” What are your thoughts?(Required)
Okay it’s time for a DRAMATIC flashback to provide some exposition/backstory for your character and make viewers emotionally attached to you so that we’re sad when you (probably) die! What is the focus of your flashback?(Required)
The sound of a bunch of motorcycles rolling up to the bar interrupts everyone. You all look outside. Something is wrong with this biker squad. They look…decayed. Wait. WTF. It’s ZOMBIES on MOTORCYLES and they’re HERE TO KILL. Think fast:(Required)
The bartender grabs her shotgun and tells everyone to find a weapon. What are you picking up?(Required)
Bad news: They’re fast zombies. Probably not surprising given that they know how to ride motorcycles, ya know? These are skilled undead beings. Y’all were able to barricade the bar for now but it’s not going to hold. You have a few minutes to google anything you want to about zombies. Weird choice but okay. What are you googling?(Required)
The barricade won’t hold much longer. Quick, you need to psychically call upon the energy of a kickass fictional character to guide you in this fight. Who are you channeling?(Required)
The zombies are in. One runs up on the bartender, whose shotgun is malfunctioning. What do you do?(Required)
You get your own super stylized fight scene! It’s your time to shine! What song is playing over it?(Required)
The zombie killing continues. Soon your fate will be determined by this quiz. Before that happens, choose a thing to do in slow-motion:(Required)


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Kayla

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Miami. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 324 articles for us.

19 Comments

  1. What an adventure!! This made me very happy.
    I tool the quiz thrice and was in turn the one with the highest head/brain count (when I chose the answers that would make me look cool), the survivor (most truthful answers), and the friend who dies at the emotional climax.

  2. Completely unfair test, I actually keep a go bag in my car. And right next to it an completely legal (in my state) AR Pistol,and ammo. I also have several pocket(ish) knives on me at all times, and two multi tools. I and my 19 year old (once again legal in my state) son both have CCW permits and carry. We both have extensive training (military, and civilian) in the use of weapons and their manufacture (improvisarional). So um, in a zombie apocalypse, we’d destroy the living dead.

  3. When we got to the bar I definitely thought this was going to turn into a quiz about your ideal steamy lesbian date with a bartender butch and that there would be no actual zombies. Ah well, I got Highest Kill Count, she seems like the kind of person to be impressed by that, I hope we at least hooked up before biting it

  4. loved this!! it really was like a movie. I especially love the version of the hot bartender I concocted in my mind (red-head with a taste for pin-up vintage style clothes and make-up lol ) aaaaand I died during the emotional climax, which makes sense because I am a cinnamon roll

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