Quiz: What Horror Movie Stock Character Are You?

If I were a character in a horror movie, I’d probably die in the first act. I don’t even think the kill would be all that interesting. Let’s put it this way: As a child, I was so scared/anxious during games of tag that if the person who was “it” got even remotely close to me, I would just stop running altogether and say “OK YOU CAN TAG ME I’M IT OK!” That’s the energy I’m bringing to a horror movie, ok? Just like “yeah ok you can stab me I give up this is too stressful.”

Wanna know how YOU would fare in a horror film? Take the quiz below if you dare!


What Horror Movie Stock Character Are You?

You’ve just arrived at a cabin for a weekend getaway with friends, and you find a door that leads to a dark basement. What do you do?(Required)
You and your friends decide to go into the cabin’s basement. You find a bunch of stuff down there. What are you most interested in examining?(Required)
The door to the basement abruptly slams. What do you do?(Required)
Someone checks, and the door is indeed locked. What do you do?(Required)
Uh-oh, now the single lightbulb in the basement dies and you’re all in the dark. Maybe it’s time to pick up a weapon after all. Good thing there are a lot of options down here for some reason. What do you choose?(Required)
Someone finally gets the door open. It wasn’t locked, just stuck. And it does seem pretty drafty in here after all. Maybe you all freaked out over nothing. Put the damn weapons away before you hurt yourself or someone else! Now that you’re out of the basement, it’s time for the weekend getaway to really start. What are you doing next?(Required)
You finally all calm down and decide to watch a horror movie. Bold choice, but okay! Which 1980s flick do you suggest?(Required)
Okay, let’s get this weekend really started with a pajama party + movie night and pretend that whole basement thing didn’t happen. What pajamas did you bring for the weekend?(Required)
The doorbell rings mid-movie. Relax! It’s just a delivery person from Domino’s. What pizza topping(s) did you choose?(Required)
The first movie ends, and nothing too creepy has happened since the little basement incident, so you all decide to keep the horror marathon going with a 1990s pick this time. What movie do you suggest this time?(Required)
Who doesn’t love a movie marathon? Maybe if you keep watching horror films, it’ll be easier to ignore the cabin’s weird vibes???? Did anyone else hear that sound coming from downstairs? Haha no? Okay, time to suggest a 2000s movie!(Required)
It’s very late now, and you’re realizing that everyone is too scared to go to sleep. It’s a reluctant all-nighter! Pop a 2010s horror movie in.(Required)
No, for real, you can hear something moving around in the basement. What time is it even? Why are there no clocks in this cabin and why did you agree to let one of your friends take all your phones? Where are they? There’s that sound again!!!! What do you do?(Required)
IF you make it out of this cabin alive—how are you celebrating? Like let’s be real, you’re probably not making it out of this cabin. But it’s nice to imagine :)(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Miami. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 305 articles for us.

72 Comments

  1. I’m “the Know-It-All-Nerd” with the usual impeccable timing…

    You simply love to have a relevant fact for all situations. Sadly, you’re not making it out of this cabin alive either, and your death is probably going to happen right after the moment you finally muster the courage to tell your crush your true feelings.

    Argh

  2. Can we just take a moment to appreciate the brilliance of this Choose Your Own Adventure novel and personality quiz rolled into one?

    I got the Creepy Child, and yes I will be sitting quietly in the corner at all your cabin parties saying cryptic things to myself, what of it

  3. I came home from practice, took this quiz, and got… The Jock. I am still in my workout clothes! Am I in a movie about a sentient, malevolent internet quiz? Oh well, at least I’ll get to make out with my hot girlfriend before checking out the noise in the basement and getting electrocuted by the router.

  4. I’m the know it all nerd. Very true.

    That’s why I’m here to tell everyone that a sword is a terrible weapon in a small space like a basement. You can swing an axe much easier since it’s probably smaller, you can pull or push people with it by hooking it around them and you can use the handle in a defensive move. And you can use it to hack yourself out of that basement. You should absolutely pick the axe.

    (I’ve never been in a fight in my life and the prediction that I will not make it is also accurate.)

    • Sure, if you’re talking about swords. But the description is for the “cool sword”, which can hack through anything, if “cool sword” is its real name. Trust me, you’re not hooking anyone with an axe without hacking them first, and frankly, which makes you a killer’s accomplice (maybe if you had a “cool axe” to offset your lack of axe skills… any nerd who plays RPGs would know this).

      (I care not for fights and my prediction is a billion percent accurate and nerdier than thou, so :p)

      • Well, according to your comment below you are a goofy stoner, so I’m not sure if I should believe you ;)

        Cool sword to me just means shiny. It doesn’t mean sharp. And if you get it stuck in the ceiling it doens’t matter how cool it is.

        I have used an axe before, to cut wood, but at least I have some idea how to hold and aim it. I’ve never held a sword (except for the one I made from cardboard and aluminiumfoil). And you’d of course hook the killer, not your friends, smash them against the door and then incapacitate them.

  5. I definitely relate to Kayaks “yeah ok you can stab me I give up this is too stressful” energy. In fact, on Friday I had to do some plane crash in the Arctic survivor thing at work and I told my group, “surviving sounds like a lot of work, I’ll be curled up in the sleeping bag with the rum and a book hoping the hypothermia comes quick.”

    But I got Final Girl.

  6. Would it be possible to make the movie/show related questions in these quizzes non-compulsory? so that you can skip those? @team
    i hardly know any movies/shows (songs neither, but at least those are easier to check on youtube…) so i might be a final girl (or whatever) but my poor choices re movie selection skew my results!
    i know it’s just for fun and it still frustrates me when i have to make random choices because i loooove quizzes 🥺

  7. ok first of all, i am here for the choose your own adventure, i would read so many of those! secondly, i am VERY MAD that i am not the “nerd who assists final girl” and somehow instead got hot cheerleader! who is DEAD! AVENGE MY POM POMS, FINAL GIRLS

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